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lani-heart · 3 days

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|| series masterlist || next // previously

parings -> riki nishimura x reader genre -> non-idol au, school au, hyrbid au warnings -> neglectment / rejection word count -> 1.9k

abstract -> why do you really think of me?

y/n’s perspective

“y/n come on help me a little,” Chenle said and I refused to go home. “You normally don’t drink a lot and you always want to make it home to that cat,” he said, making my vision blurry.

“No no no, don't cry again!” he said and I couldn’t stop my sobs. “Niki doesn’t trust me” I muttered and I heard a sigh. “That cat loves you more than everything,” he said and I shook my head.

“He thinks I'm like the hybrid collectors… maybe he even sees me like my dad” I slurred. Suddenly I feel myself being lifted. “Come on, tighten your grip,” he said as he was giving me a piggyback ride.

“Riki loves you so much. We’ve all seen how much he does… I don’t know what he said to make you think otherwise but remember you’ve been by each other’s side for years” he said and I knew what he meant.

My heart just hurts a little thinking back on what he said. I forgot my phone when I went back to get it when I heard him say I might do the same… to dump and replace him.

“y/n!!” I heard the familiar voice and instead of reaching out to him, I tightened my grip on Chenle. “Oh come on y/n! Please… did our talk not do anything?” he pleaded and I refused to look at Riki. “Is she okay?” I heard the familiar voice say. Who was that again?

“You need to remember how sensitive she is,” I heard Chenle scold. “What? What happened?” I heard. “Down you go,” he said as I felt the comfy sheets.

“Get out Riki… let her sleep. You’ve made her cry enough”

niki’s perspective

Chenle, one of her friends, dropped her off. It was two in the morning when she came back. I called when it hit midnight worried as to why she didn’t send a message or call.

She left her phone here… I had to call until Chenle said he’d look for her. She smelled so strongly of alcohol… and she didn’t want to see me. Why? What had happened?

“This is good for hangovers,” Jay said as he held a tea. “When are you going home?” I asked and he sighed. “I’m supposed to get picked up at the classes,” he said and I sighed. “We should check on her,” he said and I didn’t want to open the door.

She was upset because of me… but why?

He opened the door anyway despite me sitting in front of it. He took the tea and left it at her side. Her cheeks looked puffy and those clear tear-stained marks on her cheek were making her face red...

I stood up to get a closer look.

“Why is she upset with you?” he asked and I ignored him. Instead, I sat by her bed waiting for her to wake up. “If you're the reason she’s upset maybe you shouldn’t be the first thing she wakes up to,” he said and I sighed.

Why was she upset? What did I even do?

I soon heard her bed creak meaning she got up. I wanted so badly to go in there and ask what was wrong. I soon instead saw the door open. She was dressed in her school uniform with a jacket over her blazer.

“y/n–” “A driver will take both of you to your classes” She cut me off and walked away. We always went together… It was on the way to her classes.

“It's still early for your class though! Maybe you should–" "Wonyoung and I are going to get something on the way… make sure to eat though. The chef will be here soon.” she said as she put her shoes on and closed the door.

She’s been awake for not even an hour.

Why was she already avoiding me?

y/n’s perspective

That doesn’t sound like the Riki we know,” Wonyoung said and Seonghwa agreed next to her.

“He said it… he doubts me enough to say that,” I said, still sad he would ever think I’d do that to him…

“I heard Chenle took you home?” Seonghwa asked and I nodded. “I’ll need to thank him,” I said and they nodded. “At least he was there… he often takes care of his best friend so you were in good hands,” Seonghwa said. “The one in China,” Wonyoung clarified.

“I’m surprised you still wanted to pick him up today…” Seonghwa added and I sighed. “I babysat Jay… I need to apologize to him” I said and they nodded.

A bunch of hybrids came out until I saw mine… instead of approaching him, I went to Jay when I saw him.

“I’m sorry you witnessed my tantrum… I should’ve been taking care of you instead” I said and he shook his head. “It’s okay, no need to apologize… I was fine, Riki, he's worried about you” he said and I smiled. “Don't worry” “I know a fake smile when I see it” he said and I chuckled. I really did feel bad for him.

“y/n! Was he good?” I heard as I saw his owner now approach us. “Yeah… the best,” I hesitated not knowing what to say and she grinned. “Oh great! Thank you again so much. It must've been hard with Riki” she said and I shook my head…

She said her goodbyes and I went off to where Seonghwa and Wonyoung were talking to Riki.

“y/n!” He said almost weary… “How was class?” I asked and he sighed… “Boring as always,” he said and an awkward silence took over.

“The driver will take you back home. I’m gonna have another dinner.” I said as I was texting Chenle inviting him as a thank you.

“Oh… can I go?” He asked softly. He looked at me expectantly and I shook my head. “I doubt you’d like it. The driver will be here soon, okay?” I said as he nodded.

He looked disappointed…

I know I told him I was leaving. I should’ve… but I looked back to where he was. Seonghwa and Wonyoung trying to talk to him.

He had a tight grip on his tail as he looked down. Did I upset him? I didn’t want to… but how was I supposed to feel?

niki’s perspective

“It’s just dinner with Chenle and I think his friends. Don’t worry, there won’t be alcohol” Wonyoung explained and I couldn’t help but feel upset.

“What did I do wrong?” I muttered and they sighed. “Did you notice she forgot her phone yesterday?” Seonghwa asked and I nodded my head… I assumed she did since she didn’t pick up her phone but I wouldn’t have heard it in the apartment either way, she always left it on vibrate.

“She was gonna go get it and she heard what your true opinion of her was,” he said and I was confused.

“Riki, you think she’ll abandon you one day,” Wonyoung said and I shook my head “I didn’t mean it like that… is that what she thinks?!” I said now I panicked. They instead sighed and stayed silent.

The slick black car now in my view…

“You know how she is. She’s sensitive… and what you said destroyed her mood yesterday. All she did was drink champagne and wine. She didn’t even talk to anyone…” Wonyoung said and I felt guilty.

“But I didn’t mean it that way. I- what else did she hear?! I swear what I said shouldn’t have made her hate me” I said and they shook their heads.

“She can’t hate you… she cares about you too much,” Seonghwa said and I was confused. What I said… Did she hear my whole conversation? I didn’t say anything to make her upset with me… right? When would she let me explain myself… she’ll be stuck in her head and be an overthinker like always.

I didn’t think badly of her… even that hawk can testify.

y/n’s perspective

“You didn’t have to, you know?” Chenle said and I offered him a smile. “You didn’t have to take care of me, so thank you,” I said and he chuckled. “It was nice of you to invite Jisung with us,” he said as Jisung smiled awkwardly.

“She’s a lot nicer than her” I heard Jisung mutter and I laughed. I knew about who they were talking about. Chenle’s childhood best friend was currently studying abroad in China. She’s also the daughter of the principal.

“Can I ask why you were so upset?” Chenle asked to which I sighed. “Just some hybrid stuff,” I said and he nodded. “How is owning such a problematic hybrid?” he asked and I chuckled. “He’s not… he’s just not made for the parties and snarky comments I get, he’s very protective of me,” I said and he nodded. “I heard he’s often picking fights,” he added and I smiled.

“I wished he made more of an effort to befriend others,” I said and he laughed. “You’re reminding me of our friend now,” Jisung said and I laughed.

“Though I do hope you don’t make an effort to get drunk,” Chenle said and I chuckled. “I’m sorry again… I don’t usually do that” I said and he shook his head. “Don’t worry about it… we usually take care of one of our friends when she gets drunk” he said and I nodded.

“She never invites us to eat like this though,” Jisung said with a mouth full of rice. “I'm jealous… you must be really close with her” I said and they chuckled.

“She’s like our little sister”

I was dropped off home to the apartment where I dreaded going but I had to face it eventually.

I went in when I smelled burned food. I also heard Japanese and assumed it was a YouTube video Riki was watching. I went deeper inside to see him frantically move around the kitchen with his AirPods and… was watching a video on how to make bungeoppang.

Our favorite and first thing we get when we go to Japan. It was followed by sudden swear words in Japanese. He turned around in frustration and looked like he was gonna smack the pan on the counter but stopped when he saw me.

I laughed at the sight.

“I… tried making you something… but we don’t have the right flour,” he said pouting and I smiled. “We can order–” “I wanted to do something special for you!” he defended and I smiled. “Thank you,” I said and he frowned. It was awkward…

“How was your day!? I invited Chenle and Jisung for a thank you lunch…” I said with a smile hoping to just ignore my insecurity. “Horrible,” he said and I frowned.

“You came home… drunk, you're never drunk and then I'm told because I made you cry?—” he was now pacing and ranting… I couldn’t cut him off, he needed to get everything out… “–Then you storm off without an explanation for your friends to tell me because you think that I think you’ll abandon me one day? And even now! I burned the bungeoppang!” he yelled, frustrated.

“I don’t know what you heard… but you're misunderstanding things, stop overthinking and ask me what I think of you” he scolded and I sighed…

“Then, what do you think of me, Riki?”

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sikyurame · 8 months

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Thank you to all the extroverts who force me to go outside

#…okay context LMAO #I’m someone that stays home a lot #if I’m not working I’m home playing games or drawing or whatever #sounds sad but I love being by myself ANYWAYS #on my break I was sitting with my work friends #and they were talking about eating kbbq sometime in the future #I was wondering if I could go but I chickened out on asking ffddf #and then all my friends stared at me and were ‘you’re coming with us whether you like it or not’#me: ASDFGGG??? 👀 👉👈#look…we can be close friends and I’d still chicken out at asking to hang with people even if I know them #I’m just an anxious lil creature #I need that extra kick to feel accepted

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kinnbig · 4 months

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🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

#this is so incredibly stupid #but i've just spent such a long time worrying about my physical health and everything going on with that #(and there's still so much weirdness and uncertainty and scariness going on with my physical health)#but it just somehow never occured to me that i'm also depressed.#like. i had BAD depression as a teenager but i've been mostly mentally okay in the last 5 years. my issues have mostly been physical.#and then these last few months since all this scary health stuff started happening i've been so lethergic and unmotivated #and have been isolating myself from my friends #and struggling to find fun in any of the things that i love #i've been sad and stressed and empty but somehow. SOMEHOW. i did not consider that i was suffering from some Mental Unwellness dfkjfdjkdjkf #i just thought i was being pathetic #🫠🫠🫠#it sounds so stupid but now i realise i actually feel a bit better?#like oh. OH! depression! i hate you but i know what you are!#i'm not just a bad friend and an embarrassingly pathetic creature. there's a reason!!!!!#and there are ways to deal with it!!!#cool!!!#but also like it makes sense?! i'm incredibly sick and in a lot of pain and spending so much time getting tests and worrying #of course that's going to affect my mental health lol.#okay. anyway. yeah #tbd

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shitouttabuck · 4 months

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what do you do when the girl you spent the better part of the last decade in love with calls you up to tell you they dumped their girlfriend and quit their job and would you like to go spend a couple weeks on a beach in greece with them because they miss you and love you (not like that) . and you miss them and love them (not like that. anymore) and you’re probably not getting into grad school anyway and even if you did you can’t keep moving countries to start over because that doesn’t fix things and you could use the money you have saved that you were gonna put towards tuition to buy a plane ticket and sublet a beach villa instead. because you miss them and you love them and you’re tired of missing them and loving them has always felt good and you never feel good anymore and whatever maybe you can just have a lovely few weeks in fuckin greece and just. that’s enough you don’t have to try more than that they go back home and you stay on a beach in greece for as long as anyone else will remember . hypothetically. you should do that, right

#this is rhetorical look away!!!!#it’s an either/or : this or trying to go to grad school #but the thing is #at some point i convinced myself that a change of place and building a new life would make me happier than rotting in my parents house #in my hometown where i feel like im in a timeloop sometimes #but it wouldn’t? i Love my friends but. i am sad here and i was sad in scotland and i was sad in cambridge and. i will be sad wherever i go #it’s not a fixable thing #being around beth is a bandaid on it #so maybe i should slap the bandaid on buy a plane ticket and then. whatever i will be sad After or #i know i sound insane but the thing about being obsessive is that when one person physically has your back when you are 20 years old #it makes sense that they feel like the only thing that will help fix it #sorry this sounds strung out i have like three different things in my system that i will sleep off and be fine im not having a meltdown #this just feels like a Decision To Be Made and i thought typing it out would help give me some clarity or whatever #made a list but i wrote ‘washed your hair when you couldnt do it’ and i’ll be so honest that’s all the convincing i need to do #anything they ask of me ever #idk where my bank card is so no financial decisions tonight anyway #if u have read all of that. apologies and goodnight x #n

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seiwas · 8 days

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home by daughtry reminds me of deku in the most he-wouldn't-do-this-but-it's-the-life-i'd-want-for-him kinda way 🥲😭

#my 'if only' song for him #can you just imagine.#if he chose to be kinder to himself and dropped everyone else #if he chose to be SELFISH #if he just CHOSE HIMSELF for fucking once #'i dont regret this life i chose for me'#bc he doesn't and he never will but just. imagine him throwing the towel in and saying aight im done like #he's done enough. IMAGINE IF HE FINALLY FEELS LIKE HE'S DONE ENOUGH. if he finally BELIEVES he's done enough #'these places and these faces are getting old' to every passersby every civilian every new person he's met for those few fleeting minutes #loving deku is knowing and accepting that you'll never be first #and youve come to terms with that over the years but it doesn't stop you from hoping he puts HIMSELF first for once.#you dont mind being third or fourth or WHATEVER #then you get the call #and he tells you he's coming home #it's not something unusual; he usually does that at the end of a shift or a trip or a mission or a meeting #but this one sounds different. a little more emotional. a little teary and sentimental. he sounds like he's gonna cry #and you can't tell if he's happy or sad but he tells you he's coming home #he doesn't say until later on that it's from signing closing contracts and retirement papers #bc after all this time he FINALLY feels like he's done enough. and that he can come home now. to you especially #and he's still a little sad don't get me wrong!!!!!! but it's relief and excitement and sorrow and guilt all in one and #GOSH IF ONLY #this is why deku is at the top of the list of writers i am HELLA reluctant to write for lmao #characters*****#there's SOOOO much to unpack #i talked so much again #TRULY MADE MYSELF SAD #anyway back to writing atsumu

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skunkg1rll · 1 month

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the anxiety pills arent even working :c

#maybe a little bit actually #before i took it i felt hysterical and my chest burned and i cried #now after a while i dont feel that as much #i just feel empty and hollow #im just so upset and sad #why cant he understand how much i love him and what i'd do for him #or maybe he does understand he just doesnt care about my love?#idk ... maybe i just keep hurting him? idk i jusg wish he'd tell me #and i wish .. he could see that i dont mean to hurt him. but maybe... he wants me to know and not do it? idk #anyway... the pill might've helped a little but i still cant stop thinking about it #i cant believe i was dumb enough to not learn my lesson #and that i kept venting and being crazy and aaying dumb shit #and that some of my mental breakdown vent that i dont even mean hurt him #i should've just stopped using my blog for that from the start #now he doesnt even follow me anymore.....#i know it sounds utterly silly but the fact that im not important enough for him to follow hurts so bad #i feel worthless now why do i even exist if he doesnt see me?#i get why he wants his ex though. she's x10000 better than me in every way #i wish i'd never came into his life and messed with him like that #i dont wanna hurt him and i feel so bad. i should've just left him alone and not caused a meas #mess*#fml i wanna cry i hate myself so bad

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heartbreakfeelsogood · 2 months

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#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad #i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over #and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away #i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine #but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing #right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it #i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever #i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol #every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone #when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad #i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like #it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to #i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time #i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good #i don’t know why anyone keeps me around #sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person #the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable #i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all #i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself #like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time #i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day #and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess #it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk #anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better #sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine

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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year

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#diary #personal #i was gonna journal but im far too tired now and i cant.#so instea imma ramble here.#anyways. i was thinking lately how as i got earlier i sorta would just. cut off parts of myself.#like. id observe everyone around me. figure out what was socially acceptable. and remove what wasnt.#sometimes... people would say little things. and i work very very hard to to fix that about myself.#like. if i dont understand humor. i worked REALLY hard so i could. and so i could figure out how to joke and talk with others.#and god. anytime i make friends i try REALLY FUCKING HARD to make sure i like. do their activities that theh like.#i just sorta hope that i can have friends that way. if they like cars well now i do. if they like computers now i do. etc.#and like. i used to try hard to keep up with pop culture shit so i could feel included. cuz otherwise id be left out.#honeslty all of elemetry school i remember trying so hard to fit in and it really made me feel like i lost myself in it all.#i remember in high school a lot of this came to a head and i sorta just. felt lost a lot.#i like. feel a lot better now. i dont do things i dont wanna. i dont try so hard to blend in. but its still really hard sometimes.#i remember. i used to always have to ask what people mean. what a joke was about. i felt excluded from things a lot.#i sorta. gave up on friends in like. grade 7-8ish. i was also sorta depressed. so id just. watch people #and in the winter. id sometimes walk around in little circles and make patterns in the snow. recess wasnt long enough tho #i remember in grade 3 when i sorta became the token loner id just. walk around aimlessly at school.#it was sad being excluded but i really learned to enjoy it to. to really feel the wind. to listen to the sounds. to feel present #i love the swings. still do. might be why i rock so much now? ive always just loved throwing my body around violently.#it honestly makes me really sad now bc it hurts now. i cant move in ways that are fun anymore.#i can rock tho. and i do a lot. yknow i saw a girl(?) on the bus the other day rocking #it was so... strange to see it from the outside. i wonder if thats what i look like now that i think about it.#it was distressing tho bc they seemed upset. bc thats how i rock when upset. just. very regimented.#theyd stop abruptly. then continue. i could really only see myself in that. i wanted to ask if they were okay but...#i felt that it could potentially cause more stress. besides. idk if theyre autistic or whatnot. it could be invasive. i hope they were okay #mn. i sorta wish i had never just. cut away at myself. removing what i deemed garbage.#im... so much different from the way i portay myself sometimes.#i love looking at things. just. staring at stuff. watching people. and. when im with others i remove that.#when i work i have to remove the fun from things. and that sucks.

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toastsnaffler · 3 months

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ugh had to get up bc I'm too awake to fall back asleep and started getting hunger cramps

#FINE ILL EAT CEREAL #also made myself rly sad bc i was thinking abt phone calls and it made me think abt how i DONT miss my ex thats long dead and buried #but I DO miss there being someone who was always happy to hear from me or hear my voice any time of day to say anything at all #and always being happy to hear from them in the same way and just. that simple casual kind of love and how easy it was every time #not even talking just how easy it was to be around them and in the same space even if we werent directly interacting #and i love my friends but its not really the same as that i always feel like the longer i talk the more im keeping them from other things #and theyre pulling away and ik my roommate has said before she doesnt rly get anything out of just. being around ppl without-#direct interaction which is ok like thats just how it works for her but also it means whenever im talking to her theres a little desperate #part of me thats like u have to keep talking bc otherwise shes going to get bored and leave except she'll do that either way bc ill run-#out of anything interesting to say.. but again its not the same anyway tho bc we're just friends theres no obligation or anything #not that it was obligation with my ex gah. but it was just so mutual and EASY i dont knowww #i think its on my mind as well bc my roommate was talking abt friends of hers she can just. Always dip into conversation with #and that made me think of my ex but i didnt wanna say bc that sounds dumb and as though im hung up on them (which im genuinely not)#and ik she feels like that abt one of our mutual friends bc theyre much closer than we are and its cute how much she talks abt him and #how obvious her love for him is and i dont begrudge them that at all but i just miss having that myself with someone #but its been so long and itll probably be a long time yet before i ever have smth like that again. if ever man #and it doesnt even matter anyway bc i guess it wasnt ever actually mutual and my ex denied a lot of it afterwards and ik part of that they #were just saying to hurt me (which worked) but it probably was partly true too. maaaan.#i just miss having a favourite person and i miss being someones favourite person even if that wasnt real in the end and i wasnt #i miss at least THINKING i was someones favourite person like back when doubt rarely occurred to me bc i cared so much abt them #like it would hardly cross my mind they didnt. or if it did it was still ok bc it was easily reassured #ahhhh im going to drive myself crazy girl i need to Stop. it doesnt matter its not within my reach anymore but. wails pitifully #sorry for being so pathetic and needy and starved on main in my defence im sick. im gonna lie down for another half hour #and then i guess get ready for work. at least if im working i wont be thinking abt this shit anymore it doesn't matter #ougrhrhhhhgougrh.#.diaries

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ninjuice · 1 year

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Vent post no need to read

#i really hate you sometimes #that sounds like something i would've said #just drink a cup of coffee like the rest of us #vent #dwbi #im feeling so sad rn idk what to do with myself.#I've been feeling my depression relapsing and the hopelessness creeping back in #I constantly have to fight myself to make sure that i the care of me #i have to force myself to get out of bed and talk to my friends #meanwhile I'm feeling like they hate me anyway because no one is messaging me to make sure I'm okay if i disappear #sometimes i feel like it would be easier to just kill myself #i don't really want to die and i know the people who love me would be sad #but I'm so tired of never feeling anything until im sad or angry #happiness never lasts longer than the moment it exists #and I'm just so tired of being myself #i hate how i look and no matter what i do it doesn't change #i think it would have been better not to be born #but i don't want to die #but i have seriously considered suicide #at least i don't have direct access to a gun anymore #when i lived with my mom is the closest i ever got to doing it #when i was in highschool i was lying in my bed in a depressive episode and my mom was going to work #she looked into my room and said #i could never tell if it was a dream or if it was real #and i brought it up to her one day #she said #just reminds me of when i told her i was grossed the first time #and she said #i just want to feel wanted or like i matter to someone #rn i feel like i could completely disappear and no one would notice

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riseatlantisss · 9 months

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The end we start from

Pairing : Astarion x female!reader/Tav Around 1,8 words Takes place after the events in Cazador's palace in act 3 (non-ascended Astarion, established relationship) Angst with a happy ending (and loooots of sex) <3

Astarion doesn’t feel good enough. you show him he’s everything.

TW : 18+ MDNI, unprotected sex, very angry/angsty/rough sex, fingering, mature language, mentions of death and depression, mentions of blood

A/N : when i don’t work, i do two things: i take care of my dog and i play BG3. i don’t eat. i don’t sleep. i don’t socialize. i just play BG3. and I write stuff about *him*.

Astarion is many things. Quiet is not one of them. But lately, that’s all he’s been, and you’ve been worrying about him night and day. Tonight is no exception. You wake up in the middle of the night and realize two things : not only is Astarion’s side of the bed empty but the sheets and pillows are untouched, uncrumpled. His side hasn’t been slept in. This isn’t right. Of course, he doesn’t really need to sleep but he always, always lays next to you at night, spooning you, playing with your hair and whispering sweet I love yous in your ear until you fall asleep. His absence means something’s off. Unable to shake off the anxiety, you get up in one swift motion, determined to find him. No chance you’re falling back asleep now anyway.

Your bare feet hit the cold marble floor and you shiver as you make your way accros the bedroom in a hurry. You think of searching outside in case he went for a hunt, but it turns out you don’t have to look too far. There he is, silently leaning against the wall by the window, gazing into the pitch-black night of the Underdark. The light in the room is so dim that you couldn’t even spot him from your bed. You approach him and your heart breaks a little when you notice the lingering sadness in his crimson eyes, enhanced by the faint light of the burning candles next to him.

You want to ask him if he’s ok but it’s obvious he’s not so instead, you remain silent and close the space between the two of you, wrapping your arms around him and gently resting your head on his shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask softly after a while, your voice barely above a whisper.

Astarion averts his gaze and gives you a faint smile, nothing but a twist of lips.

“Nothing,” he replies. “I’m just being selfish, as usual. Forgive me, y/n.”

You frown and stare at him incredulously. “You’re not selfish,” you say, surprised at how intensely he means it. “Why would you even say that?”

“I –” He pauses, rethinks his words. This does nothing to make you less worried. “I caused you great pain,” he finally says. “I put you in danger. Repeatedly, ever since we met. You could have died a hundred times and it would have been my own, entire fault.”

You look up to him and feel a lump form in your throat. You have never seen him look like this – grief in his eyes and etched into the lines of his face.

“I’m not dead, Astarion. I’m right here with you.” You say as you wrap your arms around his neck. He makes a sound somewhere near a sob and your arms tighten.

“But I did put you in danger and now you’re stuck with me for eternity, in the middle of nowhere, and you—" Again, he stops. He’s bad at this, at talking about emotions. But he fights through it because it’s you. And nothing can be left unsaid between the two of you. Not after everything that’s happened. “You deserve so much better. You deserve the world, and I can’t give it to you.” You’re not sure where this conversation is going but you don't want to find out. His lower lip quiver but he goes on, words spilling out of him like blood from a wound. “I can’t give it to you, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it. It’s killing me all over again.” You crumble under each one of his words. His lips are trembling now and you can’t stand it. You can’t but you can’t do him the dishonor of looking away either.

“Astarion, I chose this life.” Your hands flutter to his face, each one cupping a cold cheek, forcing him to look at you. Your heart is pounding, and you know he can feel it. “I had a choice; I could stay, or I could run, and I chose you. I’m not stuck here. I’m home.”

Astarion heaves a faltering breath in an attempt at composure. “Sometimes I think you would be happier without me. Better off.” He barely mouths the words, but you hear them all distinctively, nonetheless. “You should go and leave me here. Walk in the sun. Be happy and live your life.” You draw your hands away from his face and he steps back, speaking louder now.

“It won’t get any better in here,” he continues, gesturing urgently around the room. “It’ll always be cold and dark, I’ll always be a blood-thirsty monster. I belong to the shadows, and I’ll never be able to make you happy, so you might as well just leave.”

His words knock the air out of your lungs and, for a moment, you cannot breathe. You feel your pulse pounding in your veins and blood thrumming under your skin as your heartbreak turns into anger. That fucking idiot, you think, looking up at him through eyes blurred with tears.

“You don’t know what makes me happy. You don’t,” you shout, surprised by the vehemence in your voice. "And you certainly don't get to speak for me." Astarion looks at you in such confusion that you almost feel bad for a moment, but you continue.

“You – you make me happy, Astarion, gods you do. I would rather live an eternity in the Underdark with you than one more day in the fucking sun.” Your heart is clenching in your chest, and you can feel the heat pooling in your cheeks. “By no means would I be better off, let alone happier, without you. I can’t believe that you could even think –” You trail off and sigh in frustration. You can’t bring yourself to scream at him any longer because that’s all he’s ever known before you, screams and shouts and abuse, and you can’t do this to him. But that doesn’t leave you with many options to get through to him. Astarion opens his mouth to say something, but you don’t let him.

Without warning you grab his shirt to pull him close and your lips crash into his, knocking the breath out of both of you with the force that you collide with. It only fuels your rage because the moment his lips are on yours, you can’t help thinking that you almost lost this once and you can’t actually lose it. You won’t let that happen. So you kiss him harder. It’s rough and desperate and sloppy. It's harsh breath and biting teeth.

He turns you around and backs you against the wall. You take it rather hard, but you welcome the sting. Anything to shut him up about not being good enough for you. He crowds in closer, presses you even harder against the wall, shoving his knee between your thighs. His cold lips connect to your throat, making you eagerly tilt your head to give him access to your thrumming pulse dancing at your neck. You have absolutely no qualms about it. If he wants it, it’s his.

But he doesn’t take it. Instead, his mouth sucks and licks, making you squirm and rock your hips against him. You cling to him, grabbing his shoulders and sliding your hands down his shirt and to his back. He hoists you up like you weighed nothing and you wrap both legs around his waist. You tangle your hands in his curly silver hair and pull him forward to feel that mouth on yours again. His tongue running over your lip makes you grind faster, searching for more, more, more. You moan when his hand reaches beneath your gown and through your damp underwear.

Firm, icy fingers are stroking you into madness. You make a sound that’s close to a whimper, but more like a groan, because damn it, you are so impatient now. You are clenching – aching to have him inside.

He is gasping at the feeling of your fluttering around him, and you must be gasping too, but you’re not sure; your head falls back and it feels like you’re breathing, but you could just as well be drowning.

You dig your nails hard into his back - you need to channel the anger into something. Maybe you’ll be the one drawing blood this time. You lean forward to rest your dizzy head on his shoulder and groan in anticipation. Not wasting anymore time, he pushes his hard, large cock into you, going steadily until he’s all the way in.

“Harder. Fuck me harder.” You plead and he obeys.

He sets a pace that graces all the right spots, spurred on the increasingly desperate noises escaping your mouth. This is no effort at all for him, holding you up easily and fucking you hard with determination. But you can see it when you rest your forehead against his – the sheer weakness you feel is reflected right back at you and you know he needs this just as much as you do.

You are so close. You need to concentrate on breathing, just so you simply don’t die. Your lower back thuds against the wardrobe with your oh gods and fucks singing in tandem. The vampire trails open-mouthed kisses and little bites down your neck while maintaining the almost vicious pace in and out of you. Every stroke curls and loves and breaks you into submission. You forget to be angry because your release is in his hands and your body is desperately handing itself over to him.

Your thighs start to quiver around him, the sounds of wetness and the feeling of his own explosion of pleasure deep inside you taking you so high that eventually, you shatter into him. You’re so grateful for the strength holding you up, so you can fall apart.

Your repeatedly moan his name on your way back to consciousness, lips brushing softly against his pale skin.

Before you know what is happening, you break into a sob.

“Please…. Please don’t ever tell me to leave, ever again.” You try to articulate, your voice shaking uncontrollably.

He sinks down onto his knees, holding you in his lap and whispering, “Shh,” into your ear.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice is low and full of gravel. He never sounded so sweet. “I love you, always have and always will. And you’re not going anywhere.”

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stillfruit · 1 year

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no one would love me if i was a worm

#this is a joke but also i 10000% mean this and i will die alone never having known love unlike everyone around me #it really gets more difficult to accept being alone when you get older because your aloneness is constantly contrasted w everyone else #having parterns or otherwise active social lives with very close friends while you just? barely exist as a person to others #i flat out cannot understand how people grow to be close friends let alone romantic parters like what do you need to do? how is everyone #just doing it? talking to people? opening up? being an important part of someone else's life? i don't get it #i have friends at uni i can freely talk to people there and everyone is very nice and i have closer friends i hang out with but like #if i just disappeared one day there wouldn't be that big of a change outside of maybe a small adjustment period after which everyone would #carry on as before because i'm not integral to anything #that sounds super childish but i don't mean that i'm sad that i'm not the main character in other ppls lives. just that i don't matter #and while that's of course understandable and i'm not looking to changing that it's also undeniably sad #and because i am the only person who can do something about that i'm just stuck like this i guess #i want to ask my closer friends how good am i at masking everything but 1 it would be weird and 2 i don't think they would be honest #not because they don't like me but because they are nice people #anyway lately as i'm getting older and meeting new people things are just getting exponentially more overwhelming and it physically hurts #i know i'm just suffering because i put myself up in a position to suffer but also literally what else would i do #if i have any time to stop and think about things i will actually have time to get even more mentally ill #i'm not looking to die right now i have things going on i'm doing my silly little degrees and spending time with my friends but like #it's not forever and i'm not holding out any great hopes for what comes after #i know i probably should go and talk to the student health services again but honestly i dont have the time or energy #for that kind of process and i know i'm a terrible patient in therapy so what is there even to gain from that #shit talking

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harleehazbinfics · 3 months

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ermm ermmm ,,,,, , cannibal!reader has like a sad past right (i saw u mention they were abused hence the obsession w approval) ,, well okay what if the hotel residents found out? like ... idk one of reader’s parents shows up at the hotel ... idk , honestly i just really love how you write cannibal reader theyre wildly silly

Crazy for you!

--- cannibal chef m.list

a/n: AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCHHH they/she is indeed very silly, i most of my inspo from myself and other fans of alastor and their reactions lmao. ive been stuck on one fanfic for days i gave up today and words just flowed for cannibal chef reader, i can't--. also plsplspls if you find any of this triggering pls turn back, i want all of you to be in a safe space.

warnings: abusive mother, shaming choice of clothing, weight shaming, typical asian behavior of 'be a doctor or lawyer' but rudeness level maxed out, being called ungrateful, useless etcetc DISCLAIMER: Any scenarios are entirely fictional and have no direct relation to any person and taken from behaviours I see, read or hear from. Thank you. word count: 1292

You, Alastor, Niffty, Husk, Angel and Sir Pentious got together and were enjoying a lazy weekend just lounging around the parlor just enjoying each other's company and talking amongst each other. The lot of them fitting on the couch and the floor. You stood beside Alastor sitting on a chair by himself drinking his coffee indulging himself in a casual conversation.

You all turn your heads when the door opens expecting to see Vaggie and Charlie, preparing to greet them and get them to join you all. However, they stop in themselves from doing so when they see the both of them touring a person in.

Your constant smile drops at the sight of her. You immediately recognize the face and voice making you slowly and quietly hid behind the chair Alastor making yourself small as to not catch their attention. Alastor, of course, notices this action and raises his eyebrow.

"And this is Angel and Sir Pentious our other guest, Niffty our cleaning maid and Husk our bartender. Alastor here is the host of the hotel, he's the who supported all our endeavors!" Charlie states.

"Oh! Isn't that the Radio Demon? Dear it is him! I'm a big fan of yours," your mother mooches at Alastor earning a displeased static sound from him when she abruptly shook his hand without his permission.

"Alastor, where's (y/n)? Aren't they always with you?" Charlie asks making you cringe as you cautiously walk towards them.

"(Y/n)? Is that you?" your mother asks in disbelief before enveloping you in a hug, which made you sick to your stomach. "Oh gosh! It's been years! Look at you! You look so skanky with that clothing. You also look like you've gained weight. I told you not to go to culinary school and be a doctor or lawyer instead. You look so fat now, probably from all that meat you're eating. You should've gone vegan look how your Aunt Karen slimmed down, she's been going around and teaching, crazy bitch. Anyway, take my luggage to my room, I need to talk to everyone here. Good? Great."

You tried to get a word in with dejected eyes but lose your voice when she gives you harsh glare. You sigh and take her bags and answered, "Yes mother."

Without you noticing, all the others went deathly silent as they watch you look so sad. Your almost permanent smile disappeared from your face making them surprised and worried. You always smiled around them, mimicking Alastor's grin that was plastered on your face. Sure, they've seen you drop the smile when you were separated with Alastor before but eventually you opened up to them and was seen constantly socializing and smiling around them making them feel relieved being the youngest of all of them, but they never seen you look so sad before. Coupled with the backhanded comments made by your mother, they couldn't help but feel hostile.

Indeed, you were crazy and a bit of a monster, but you were the sweetest most thoughtful thing that ever happened to them. Any occasion was prepared by you ranging from the Hotel's Anniversary, Birthdays and even as miniscule as just a mission accomplished on their rehabilitation program. This encouraged everyone to do better with how much faith you put in them. (That and your cooking is so out of this world that even Angel would dial his drug intake from a 15 to a 13 for a treat.)

So, when your sweet and genuine smile faded, they glared at the perpetrator that made you react so drastically. However, in respect for Charlie they held their tongue first.

"Sooo, what's your relationship with (y/n)?" Charlie asks trying to be polite despite the tense atmosphere.

"Oh, her? She's my daughter. Ungrateful little wench, I took care of her her whole life and the thanks I get is her running away home. Next thing I know she's in a boarding school for taking culinary classes. Where'd that bitch even get that money, she should've paid everything he owed to us first! Her parents! Say, can you make me a drink Whiskers? Just thinking of that bitch makes my head hurt. Make it snappy," she orders around slumping onto a vacant seat making herself very at home.

"Don't call me Whiskers, only my friends get to call me that. And I ain't taking shit from you," Husker replies turning his back at her.

She gasps dramatically and yells, "You call this hospitality?!"

She stands up trying to reach Husk, Angel stands in between them along with Pentious and Niffty before a black tendril shoots out from the ground wrapping around her.

"This is where I draw the line," Vaggie growls pointing her spear at your mother.

"What? You actually like that girl? Pft, what the fuck's that all about. She's ungrateful and good for nothing. You actually like someone as useless as her?" your mother laughs at the protective group, her eyes widen as she sees Charlie change into her demon form.

Alastor gently pushes her behind him stopping her in her tracks. He says, "I'll handle this. This obviously concerns my closest companion so this will fall into my hands."

Your mother scrutinizes him finding his tone and gesture quite odd then her eyes lighten up in recognition. She laughs at him and yells, "You can't be serious! You like that--"

She gets cut off as the tendril wraps around her mouth and drags you in his shadow, ceasing her muffled screams. As soon as she disappears, you come down finding all of them but your mom.

"Where's my mom?"

"Sheeee changed her mind! Yeah! She told us that she had something to do," Charlie lies between her teeth with an anxious look in her eyes making Vaggie elbow her despite her doing the same.

"Oh, I see," you say still not smiling, "Will she come back? Her things are still here."

"Nah. She ain't comin' back, sweet cheeks. She's got better shit to do apparently and wanted us to drop off her stuff on an address," Angel casually lies beckoning her to sit with them petting your head after.

Husk nudges Pentious making him confused for a while before getting the message, answering, " Y-yes! I will do it right now. Eggbois! Take the woman's things outside the hotel!"

While the little eggs tottered to do their master's bidding your eyes slowly light up but not fully their yet.

"Look kid, we won't prod into your business but know if you ever need someone to talk to, you've got a bartender right here," Husk jokes with a grin holding onto his suspenders in a pose making you slightly giggle.

"Hey, hey you got us too!" Angel, Charlie, Niffty and Pentious (that got back from telling them to throw the old bat's shit into the garbage) joined in earning a smile from Vaggie and Alastor.

After you felt better, you called in for the day and left to your rooms. After escorting Alastor to his room he snags you inside then comes in close before petting your head tenderly.

You look at him surprised, although without your normal heart eyes that you give him, confused at his actions.

He brushes his fingers against your cheek electrifying you and states, "Whenever you get into trouble, tell me. I'll handle it myself, after all you are mine."

Your eyes shape into hearts, legs turning into jelly, heart beating faster and faster by the millisecond, trying to comprehend the weight of his words and engraving them into your brain.

"Understood?" he asks pleased with your reaction.

"Yes, Sir~" you breathed out finding yourself flushed red, breath hot and heavily.

"Good," he smiles devilishly.

(I'll leave the ending as ambiguous 😌)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin lucifer #hazbin husk #hazbin charlie #hazbin vaggie #alastor x reader #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #radio demon #hazbin hotel alastor #cannibal chef reader #harleehazbinfic

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orikiys · 10 months

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✿ ✿ 〞voicemails with chan after an argument

✰ genre : angst, romance and fluff in between

✰ pairings : bf!chan x fem!reader

✰ word count : 0.8k+ words

one 𖨂

hey, my beautiful girl. how are you? it’s not the same without you by my side. the house looks wrecked and so am i. i am so so sorry baby for snapping at you last night. i. . . didn’t mean it. i swear. it all happened because of me and my work, and i do accept that. just come back please? i know you’re at your friend’s house but i won’t force you. ever. i just hope we can talk this out thoroughly. please? i love you very much. always know that, yeah? and i’m only a call away if you need me. good night.

two 𖨂

so i didn’t receive an answer back. does that mean you’re going to stay there for a while? alright, i respect your decisions. i always do. you know that right? anyway, today sucked. i kind of twisted my ankle while practising and i tripped over a charger and hurt my chin. it sounds painful but it was even more painful when you don’t reply to my messages, or to my calls and even my voicemails. i fucked up and i know that very well. i may sound selfish but i want you with me. i need you when i wake up and when i sleep. i want to see your face when you smile at me. how long has it been since i last saw you? over 2 weeks i suppose? if you’re listening to my voicemails, let’s meet tomorrow at our usual spot. at 3 i’ll be there. i’ll wait for you even if it takes forever.

three 𖨂

you eventually did show up. to be honest, i was surprised. i didn’t expect you to show up. but i’m glad you did. but i’m not very glad that you almost didn’t speak any other words except for ‘i need time’ and ‘alright’. it was pretty sad. then i realised how bad i must’ve hurt you for you to act this way. and i’ll say sorry a million times if you want me to. i regret ever letting you walk away like that. if only i had tried harder in our relationship we wouldn’t be at this stage where we’re unaware whether we’re together or not. i regret not understanding you earlier and spending my days at the company, rather than with you. i even started taking time out to come home early, at 8. just like you wanted. i even began sleeping on time, but i can’t help myself to fall asleep that easily without thinking how lonely you used to feel when i wasn’t here to hold you or to even talk to you. i regret everything, baby. i really do. i hope you’re happy, not skipping your meals and sleeping for good hours.

four 𖨂

i noticed something fall out of your wardrobe, and even though i respect your privacy, i couldn’t help myself. it was a letter. a letter presumably you wanted to give me, but you couldn’t. and it would be a lie if said i didn’t sit on the floor crying as i read the letter over and over till i had it memorised. you always wanted to write me letters didn’t you? what more do you have up your sleeve? how long are you going to keep impressing me and making my heart flutter like that? you might think i’m being a little too extra today, but it’s true! you can’t just go away after making me fall that deep for you. it’s been three weeks now. how long am i going to be punished? just answer me once. please.

five 𖨂

when i tell you i almost fell off the couch, you won’t believe me. but i almost didn’t believe my eyes when i saw your voicemail. why would you ever be sorry baby? you have all the right to be angry at me. i deserve it. but don’t think you did anything wrong. you just did what you thought was right. and sometimes, it’s better that way you know? like if you wouldn’t have gone away i would just return to my schedule again. i wouldn’t have realised where i was wrong. so don’t blame yourself, okay? as i said before, i’ll wait.

six 𖨂

so this is gonna be the end of all the angsty voicemails as you just called me saying you’ll be coming home tonight. i’ll prepare a welcome dinner for you along with some kisses if you would like. and hugs too perhaps? i am just on my way to clean the house and myself too. since i didn’t shower today, so i’ll see you in about 8 hours. i’m very happy that you’re coming back babe. i love you so much. and i, thank you, for giving me a second chance. i’ll be waiting for you, my love.

#ॱଳ͘#chan x reader #stray kids x reader #skz fluff #skz angst #bang chan x reader #bang chan #stray kids #chan angst #voicemails with chan #chan x you #skz x reader #skz fanfic

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hawkinsbnbg · 1 month

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top priority

Eddie’s career was doing great these days. People listened to his music, bought his albums, and recognized him on the streets.

Eddie Munson had become big.

Not over a fortnight, mind you, it was years of hard work, sleepless nights, and unyielding determination that got Eddie to where he was today.

And Steve was happy for him, willing to step back, to stay behind, to be a constant pillar so Eddie could spread his wings without worries.

Despite their relationship, he didn't expect Eddie to prioritize him over everything else.

(His parents had taught him the hard way how painful it was to hold his hope too high.)

He was content to be second, no, even third or fourth would be enough. And if it stung him to not be first on Eddie's list, then it was his own weight to bear.

Even when he hated sleeping alone on their bed, hated that Eddie's spot was often cold and empty most days, he never intended to burden Eddie with his problems.

Naturally, Steve omitted to mention that a small accident had landed him in the hospital on their nightly phone call.

When Eddie wondered why he sounded more tired than usual, he just threw some half-baked excuses and reassured Eddie that he was alright.

Since Eddie was on tours in Europe, the last thing he wanted was to be a distraction and ruin Eddie's performance.

Then again, he forgot to take Robin into account, because he should've known by now that Eddie’d bet on her to be the one informing him truthfully about Steve's well-being.

And here, sitting by his bedside, Eddie looked concerned and dead on his feet.

Judging by his disheveled appearance, anyone could tell that he had gone straight from the airport to the hospital without taking a break.

After helping Steve recline with some pillows, Eddie said nothing and just gazed at his cast with so much sadness that it pained Steve.

“C’mon, Eds,” he grabbed Eddie's hand to give the man a reassuring squeeze. “It’s not a big deal. I’m gonna be discharged soon anyway.”

“You fell from a ladder and broke your leg, baby,” Eddie brushed aside the stray hair on Steve's forehead. “That's a big deal to me.”

Shrugging, he shifted his gaze away to avoid those warm brown eyes. “Yeah, but your work is more important. I couldn't bring myself to… burden you.”

“No, I’ve told you this before and I’m telling you this now,” Eddie turned his face by his chin gently until their eyes met again. “You're never a burden, angel. You're my top priority. And nothing will ever keep me from running to you, okay?”

Steve nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. His lips might wobble a bit when he admitted quietly, “You're mine, too.”

Cradling his face, Eddie placed soft kisses on his forehead, his nose bridge, and his lips.

Then, Eddie stroked the apple of his cheek fondly.

“Lucky me.”

And Steve could hear his heart echo the same melody.

“Lucky us.”

Their love song.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #rockstar eddie munson #babygirl steve harrington #steddie fluff #sionewrites #steddiemicrofic #steddiemicroficmay

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ahsxual · 4 months

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Hello lovely!! I have read all of your stories to do with Matthew Lillard and OMFG I love them sooooo I thought to request one myself. :D

I was thinking a Stu Macher x Fem!Reader who is Billy younger or twin sister (idk it’s up to you on that darling) who he is very positive of and has told Stu not to ever think about getting with her, one day Stu goes over there to hang out with Billy but had gone out with Sydney so Y/N answered the door and just tells him come in and they can watch a movie as they waited for Bill to come home, one thing leads to another and they end up in Y/N’s bedroom…..

Thank you for reading this request and I hope you are having a great Day/Night!

Don't Tell My Brother About Us

Warnings: +18 content, Cocky Stu, dirty talk, fingering, cunnilingus

Word Count: 2,7k

A/N: Tysm for requesting this, dear anon! I loved your idea and I really hope you like this❣️I also appreciate the fact that you like my writing 🥺🤗 I'm actually proud of this fic, I'm just gonna say that ;)

You knew Stu Macher from high school, since he was your twin brother's bestfriend. You even tried to join his friend group after a while since they all seemed so nice and fun, yet your attempts were declined by your sibling, for much to your chagrin, because Stu was constantly bothering your brother by making flirty jokes whenever you were with them, according to Billy. Even though you didn't like the fact that your brother wanted to keep you away from Stu, you couldn't help but feel delighted to acknowledge the real reason behind it.

Stu became your crush from the moment you met him, as his energetic, extroverted and cocky personality traits never ceased to charm you. He was incredibly fun to be with and as you hated feeling bored, you thought that would be impossible if you ever stayed with Stu. Those thoughts were obviously put aside the moment Billy noticed how you and Stu looked at each other. Billy had never seen you as amused and happy with a guy as you were with Stu, your eyes so bright that he was convinced the words sadness and boredom were no longer known to you. However, that wasn't enough to convince Billy that Stu was good for you, and that was the reason you drifted away from him: although he made your days brighter and vice-versa, Billy didn't lose his overprotective sibling attitude, always keeping an eye on his "sweet and innocent" sister.

.............................................................................................................................

"I'm going out with Sidney." Billy told you, while you were reading a romance book on the sofa about a serial killer who fell in love with one of his victims. When your brother said he was going out on a date with his girlfriend, you simply looked at him with a raised eyebrow, as if you didn't believe there were any genuine romantic intentions in what he had just said. "What?" he sounded annoyed by your judgmental gaze.

"Hm I don't know, you don't seem very excited about it. It looks like you don't even have true feelings for the girl." your tone was confident and assertive, since you knew your twin brother all too well. He just rolled his eyes at your comment, not wanting to admit you were right.

"Just cut it out, ok? As if you know what real love feels like, anyway." annoyance was present in his voice as he searched for his house keys.

"As if my lovely brother allows me to know what real love feels like." you simply replied, not moving your eyes from your current favorite book. Although you weren't looking at him, you could tell Billy's gaze on you could kill if you stared back.

"Y/N, we've talk about this. I'm not gonna let you be with Stu, you got that? I know him better than you, so listen to me for once and stop being such a brat." at this, it was your turn to roll your eyes, before getting up from the couch and heading to your room.

"Whatever Billy, enjoy your lovely date." you intentionally made an annoying tone at the word "lovely", which made Billy even more pissed by your behavior.

"I'll be back in two hours. Don't even think about inviting Stu over. I'm dead serious, Y/N." and with a final warning followed by a death stare, he closed the door to go out with his girlfriend that he pretended to be in love with for whatever reason.

You never understood why Billy was so overprotective over you when it came to Stu. Did he know something you didn't? Was Stu somehow dangerous or would he break your heart into a million pieces? Even if that was the main reason, honestly you didn't mind finding out for yourself if it meant you could be with Stu sexually or even romantically.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't concentrate on your novel after that conversation with your brother. Those questions couldn't leave your mind either, so you decided to use your free time to take care of yourself and get a proper treatment. You went to the bathroom to turn on the hot water, wanting nothing more than to relax after a long day of school. The water felt incredible on your skin, making you moan at the peaceful feeling. After a few minutes, you looked down at your legs and thought you'd better shave them as well as your pubic hair, since you wanted your skin to feel clean and smooth. Once you had finished, you put on a face mask before applying a body cream to your body. It felt so refreshing, as your worries and personal problems temporarily disappeared and were replaced by the feeling of pretending to be treated like a princess. You had so much fun on taking care of yourself and helping you raise your self-esteem that you almost didn't hear the doorbell ring. Why is Billy back already? And why did he ring the doorbell if you saw him take his house keys before he left? You quickly put on your cutest pajamas, since you were taking your princess treatment seriously, and ran to the door. You knew it was dangerous to open the door without checking who it was first, however you were expecting Billy, so you didn't pay much attention to it.

"Stu? What are you doing here?" you frowned as your eyes widened in disbelief, immediately feeling your cheeks turn red, because Stu was seeing you in your pajamas for the first time. Perhaps you should have checked who it was before opening the door so confidently, you noted mentally.

"Oh hey, Y/N! I didn't expect you to open the door. Not that I mind, you look really cute. Where's your brother?" you felt his big blue eyes on you, clearly checking you out as he looked you up and down. He also complimented you as if it was the most natural thing for him to do, probably having no idea of how hysterical it made you feel inside. After that, he walked past you as if he felt he had the right to enter your house without waiting for your permission.

"Uh... Billy didn't tell you? He left with Sid like half an hour ago. You should come back later or call him instead if you want to talk to him." you tried to say the right words so that Stu would get the message that he had to leave, since you didn't want to upset your brother and go against his word. However, deep down, if you listened to your needs, you wanted nothing more than to stay with Stu and enjoy his company, allowing yourself to get to know him better without being pressured into making small talk with him.

"Nahh it's cool, I can wait here. Wanna watch a movie? There's this crazy horror movie that came out recently and I really wanna watch it! Since Billy is not here, we could watch it together, what do you say?" his enthusiasm and energy were something you'd never seen before, and you found it very ironic and funny that he was the complete opposite of Billy, yet they managed to have such a deep and strong friendship. You were left speechless, knowing that your plan to convince Stu to leave your house before your brother got back went down the drain.

"Yeah, sure. Sounds like a plan." you answered, trying not to sound too excited about the idea of watching a movie with him and finally being able to be close to him and having some time alone with him as well.

"That's my girl! Where's the popcorn?" he asked casually, as he headed towards the pantry since he already knew yours and Billy's house like the back of his hand. What was he trying to do?? Drive you crazy with his constant compliments and flirting? Without needing your help, he picked a big bowl of popcorn that you had bought for yourself a few days ago and sat down on the sofa, using the tv remote to put on the movie he had chosen all by himself without giving you a chance to suggest any other ideas.

You stood paralyzed in the middle of the living room, still not processing that Stu was right in front of you waiting for you to join him... in your own house... alone.

"Are you gonna sit here with me or do I have to lift you up and make you sit on my lap instead?" his eyes were on you again, while an evident smirk was plastered on his handsome face. Oh God, he's definitely trying to drive you insane. It was then that you managed to move from where you were standing, walking slowly towards him. As soon as you sat down by his side, trying to keep some distance between the two of you so you could control yourself, you decided to speak.

"Look, Stu. I'd really enjoy to watch a movie with you, but you know damn well that if Billy finds us, he will-" as soon as you mentioned your brother's name, Stu immediately rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically.

"Come on Y/N, don't be like that! Billy is not here and if we want to be with each other, why should I stay away from you? It's not like I'm gonna jump on you and force you to have sex with me or something. I mean, unless you want me to." he laughed as if the whole thing was a joke to him, like he didn't understand the risks and the trouble you could both get into. He never took anything seriously and sometimes you wished you could be more like him. You blushed instantly at his shameless confession and your heart skipped a beat. Did he just admit he wanted to have sex with you as much as you did? When he saw your face, he started laughing exaggeratedly, obviously proud of himself for leaving you speechless and very shy with just a few words.

"My brother can't know you're here with me. Stu, I'm serious..." you didn't know what to say or how to react. The only thing you knew was that you weren't wearing panties and your pajama shorts were already wet.

"Oh really? Because I bet if I touched you right now, my fingers would be soaked." this time, his face was dead serious, his pupils dilated with lust and his intense eyes not leaving yours for even a second.

Your breathing was heavy by now, not wanting to give Stu the satisfaction of discovering how much you craved him. Without any warning, Stu grabbed your thigh and pulled you closer to him, surprising you with his unexpected strength. With his free hand, he easily moved the thin fabric of your pajama shorts and touched your bare cunt, proving his suspicions right. His long, slim fingers traced the drenched lips of your pussy, collecting your juices before circling your clit lightly. His teasing made you gasp and moan unintentionally so you bit your lips, forbidding yourself to let any more erotic sounds escape from your throat. He then brought his wet fingers into your vision, showing you how soaked you were for him with so little, as if you didn't already know. You felt extremely embarrassed at the sight displayed in front of you that Stu forced you to see, before a broad smile appeared on his face filled with pride. He eagerly took them into his mouth, moaning and sucking your cum off his fingers like it was the most delicious honey he had ever tasted in his life.

"Holy shit, I didn't know you tasted this good. Looks like I was right! My intuition never fails me, baby. You even shaved for me... looks like you knew this was gonna happen after all." he confessed with a big grin on his lips. You stood there with your legs slightly spread, not knowing whether to kiss him now and make your dreams come true or wait for his next move. Just as you were about to gather the courage to devour him, he was quicker and spoke first. "Now, let's watch this movie before that asshole returns home." and just like that, he pressed the play button and started the movie while eating popcorn as if nothing had happened.

You felt extremely annoyed and mad at him. How could he do this to you, only to stop his teasing and pretend that nothing had happened? How could he have so much self-control? Obviously, you couldn't focus on the movie, so you just enjoyed the sweet taste of the popcorn while trying your best, yet in vain, to extinguish the fire that was lit inside you. Twenty minutes into the movie, there wasn't as much action as you'd expect, which annoyed you and Stu as well. You almost missed how his eyes remained fixed on you, a smirk returning to his face with the intention of putting an end to what he had begun for good. You felt his right arm around you, after he had slowly approached you, as he whispered in you ear.

"I really enjoyed seeing you all frustrated because of me, but I promise you I'm not a selfish guy. I want to see my girl satisfied, even tho I like to tease you a bit. Come here, let me help you finish what I started." he said before getting up from the couch, offering his hand for you to take. You couldn't contain your excitement, so you rolled your eyes at him playfully and smiled excitedly, leading him to your room.

When you got there, he wasted no time and pushed you against the wall while kissing you feverishly, as if he needed to kiss you in order to survive. Your tongues and lips moved against each other as you fought for dominance, saliva spreading all over your chin and lips as he moved to your neck to give you visible love bites. You knew you'd have to cover that up later, but right now you didn't give a damn as you craved his possessive marks on you. You felt his hard cock against your core, rubbing against you to relieve some tension from both of you, and you could tell by its size that he was big. He quickly undressed you completely while he stripped only his shirt, enjoying your desperate look to see him fully naked too.

"Don't worry baby, you'll get to see my cock soon. Wait until it's inside you." he teased once again, before pushing you onto your bed, climbing up and grabbing your thighs close to his. He stared at your body as if it was the first time he'd seen a woman's naked body, as his lips salivated from hunger and desire. "Fuck, I knew you'd be beautiful naked, but nothing prepared me for seeing this gorgeousness all spread and wet for me." before you could react, you felt Stu kissing, sucking and biting your thighs to tease you a little longer, yet he quickly gave up on that idea and pressed his warm tongue against your throbbing clit.

To say that you moaned loudly was an understatement, as you screamed at the contact of his tongue on you while you clung to the soft sheets onto your dear life. He began eating you out like a mad man, alternating between sucking your clit and fucking your needy hole with his long tongue. You could tell he was skilled at oral sex, since it was the best you'd ever received and he made you cum in less than five minutes. Maybe you were ridiculously horny and turned on by him? Undoubtedly, yet his oral sex skills made everything better and much more intense. After that, he didn't stop his assaults on your overstimulated pussy, even if you begged him to. He made you cum a second time, but this time with his long fingers curled deep inside you. You felt like you were in heaven, as he gave you the most intense orgasm you had ever had in your entire life. You moaned like a porn star, unable to contain yourself, before you heard your front door slam shut.

You immediately leaned up on your elbows as you looked at Stu, who had an "oh fuck, we're screwed" expression on his face, accompanied by a contained laugh.

Indeed, you were both definitely screwed.

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