#surprise mother fucker

[13ag21k]

#so #i did a thing #XD #the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #image by #eclec-tech #tech tbb #star wars #the bad batch tech #tbb phee #phee the bad batch #the bad batch memes #surprise mother fucker #brown eyes #tech my beloved #:'D #gifs from gfycat and tenor

[zozo-01]

"i understand why you won't love a monster like me."

*cocks gun* Sammy, my love, it's your turn to be put under the pain machine. As mentioned earlier, this is all based on @taelonsamada's incredible Imperium AU AU fic, Return to Shore, where Darlin' and Asher were together before some bad things happened.~ (Part 3/4)

CW: Angst, Sam thinking the Darlin' is using him to move on from Asher, Imperium Canon Divergence, EVERYONE GO READ RETURN TO SHORE NOWWWWW!!!!

--

He thinks they’re too good for him.

How could he not? He was the monster that his mother warned him about. The cruel beast who would snatch and condemn the innocent to his cursed life. The vile creature that cowered before the sun.

Darlin’ is the pure sunlight that chased away the sinners in this world. Sinners like himself.

It had been that righteous anger, their sense of justice, that had guided him to them in the first place. He thought, like the heartless monster he is, 'perhaps I can use them to exact my revenge.' He had fully expected to be rejected at the door, without a chance to explain himself.

They hadn’t.

They gave him the honour of their time and heard his plea. Darlin’ decided that his cause was worth fighting for.

He later learned that they found his cause worth dying for.

He justified his care for the reckless wolf by thinking he needed them alive to kill his maker. But after the rooftop incident… where they had almost fallen to their death… he realized a crucial fact.

He needs them alive because he needs them. Not their claws or fangs or their tracking abilities.

He needed just them.

Unbeknownst to him, Darlin’ became the light of his dark life. They were the sunlight he craved to feel again.

Of course someone so incredible, so beautiful and so goddamned good it hurts his soul was also the light of another’s life.

The Shaw Pack’s (he doesn’t even know if that’s the right name) Alpha had always made great care to check in on his packmate. Sam hadn’t thought much of it. He was their Alpha and as it was his job to make sure Darlin’ was ok, no matter how difficult they made it to accomplish that.

But seeing the Alpha look at the wolf… and how they were looking back… it was evident to everyone in the room that the two had shared history.

A more personal history that either may let on.

The Alpha had lit up watching Darlin’ walk into the room. Or maybe it was just the den light’s reflecting the tears in his eyes. Sam knew that look. He knew the way Asher’s eyes soften and a small smile dare peak on his face.

It’s the same look he gives Darlin’. The only difference is that Sam has always been to much of a coward to look them dead in the eye with that soft look.

But the Alpha was no coward. He looked at Darlin’ with love in his eyes, a look that came natural to him. Like he had full confidence that Darlin’ would look at him the same way.

And the Alpha was right, Darlin’ was looking at him the same way. The same small smile and love-filled gaze.

Sam just wished that he could be the recipient of that gaze.

But who was he kidding. He was a monster, and Darlin’ had dealt with enough monsters in their life.

They deserved something that was good and pure as they were. A hero.

A hero like the Alpha that had save them from the wicked fangs of another vampire.

The fact that he had the chance to bask in Darlin’s glow was enough of a blessing in his second life. So if keeping them in his life meant that Darlin’ would use him for their own pleasure, then by God he was ready to be used.

He never was a man to ask for much, but all he wishes is for Darlin’ to stay in his life. He craved for the warmth of the sun on his skin. He craved the feeling of their warmth.

He notices the clench in Darlin’s throat when they speak to the Alpha and he notices the twitch in Alpha’s hand. Maybe he wanted to caress their hair? Hold their hand? Or perhaps Sam is projecting his desires onto the man in front of him.

There is a voice deep down that tells him that the Alpha and him feels the same way for his Darlin’.

And it seems that Darlin’s desires lied with the man from their past.

Sam was okay, though. It was better for Darlin’ to hand their heart to their Alpha, a man he can trust, and not him, the sadistic, cruel, vile, despicable being that has put them on a suicide mission.

But goddamn it, it hurts knowing that he will never have their heart. Not in the same way they have his.

#redacted asmr #redacted sam #SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER #DECIDED TO GET THIS ONE DONE BEFORE MY MIDTERMMMM #so here ya goooo #some sammy painnn :>>>>> #zo writes tingz #this is zo speaking

[dreamsandtadpoles]

#Surprise mother fucker #Husband Com: Mun Watches

[draco-after-dark]

Dory Verse - Aftermath

small spoiler for the Feral JD au just so ya know

Rough draft of my favorite Dorse Verse boys seeing Feral again

(I did not re-read this shit so if spelling error you didn't see it)

It had been months, maybe a whole year since they had all last seen him.

Since Grey had last seen his chip buddy.

Since Eldest had last hung out with his therapy dog.

Since Hitman had last seen his comrade. His amego. His best friend.

‘Where are you Feral?’

At first, none of them had really batted an eye at Feral’s absence. The troll could be pretty unpredictable at times and it was always hard to tell when he was at the house or not. He would disappear for days at a time and then reappear somewhere out of thin air.

After a week had passed Eldest had asked Hitman about where the resident mayhem makers could be. Hitman had no clue. Feral wasn’t exactly the talkative type so there was no way for him to tell them when he would be back.

After two weeks they started to worry. Feral had never been gone for this long before. Maybe they had all just been busy. Missed each other because of how wonky time seemed to move in this place. Maybe Feral just had some things going on and he couldn’t visit?

No, that didn’t seem right. Eldest had known Feral a lot longer than Hitman, This wasn’t normal. Something was wrong and he had no way to contact his little buddy.

Before Feral disappeared if you found Hitman, Feral usually wasn’t very far away. The scruffy troll had taken a liking to the awkward troll almost instantly. That fact alone back made a man full of the other JDs of the house jealous. For different reasons depending on who you asked.

Ever since the early days when Crystal and Grey had figured out just how food-motivated the feral troll was it became a sort of right of passage. Piss off Grey and by default, you’d have to deal with Feral. If a chip bag was ever tossed in your direction then good luck because you’d need it.

So when three weeks rolled around Eldest and Hitman had gone to find Grey and figure out what was going on. Since neither of them knew where their friend had disappeared or why, maybe Grey did. Eldest knew how much the troll cared for Grey after the whole Snake incident. God, he really hoped nothing bad hadn’t happened to Feral.

Weeks turned into one month and then two. After that, they had stopped keeping track. Every day they counted just made things worse. Left more questions. More worry for their friend. 

Until months later.

They had all been in the kitchen eating lunch when they heard the distinct rattle of the door in the living room. It always did that before someone entered. Eldest had gone to peek around the corner to see who it was. He figured it was probably a World Tour considering there was no name present at the top of the door. It was something they released that happened to the most frequent visitors of the house. That and World Tour had said he was going to drop by today.

What Eldest hadn’t been expecting when the door opened was to see a completely unfamiliar troll step through. It was unexpected, to say the least. A new John Dory hadn’t shown up in months so they had all just figured that was everyone.

He was so shocked he just stared at the newcomer.

Eldest’s frozen look had quickly gained the attention of the other two and they had moved to also glance around into the living room.

“What the fuck?” Grey said, also being surprised by the newcomer.

This quickly gained the troll's attention. Their ears quickly perked up, eyes shooting towards the small group. At that, their eyes widened as a large grin broke out across their face. 

In a matter of seconds, the troll had already bolted across the living room and grabbed Eldest, spinning him aggressively around. Arm tightly crushing and head pressed into the side of Eldest. This troll was definitely something. They’d picked Eldest up so fast and effortlessly that It had Grey reeling back further into the kitchen.

As soon as the stranger had noticed Grey he had already dropped Eldest. The troll wobbled from dizziness from the constant spinning as the stranger set his sights on his next target. 

Grey.

Grey had curled his hand into a fist ready to punch the troll but before he could swing his arms were already locked by his sides. Grey was about ready to bite this guy if it came down to it but he suddenly froze at the sound and feel of a deep rumble.

It felt familiar..?

Grey was quickly released, unlike Eldest who had been held for a good minute. Eldest now leaning against the edge of the counter waiting for the world to stop spinning so he could ask who they were.

As soon as Grey realised he quickly backed away from the taller troll who looked curiously down at him. The was when 

The trolls then launched themselves directly at Hitman. The two tumbled to the floor in a heap of fluff and fur. Hitman let out a loud grunt a bit dazed at the abrupt impact. When his eyes cracked back open he was face to face with the pale blue troll. 

He’d never seen someone smile so wide

“Bbrrrrrr-ooouu-theeerrrrrrrr.” The troll growled out as he hugged Hitman tightly, cheek pressed firmly into Hitman’s.

‘Wait… brother?’

At that, Hitman had jolted back his hands flying forward grabbing both sides of the mystery troll's face and really looked at him.

Eyebrow slit. Chip out of his ear. Black earrings. Two scars over the right cheek. One big snaggletooth.

‘Holy shit’

“FERAL!”

The troll grinned widely at that as Hitman latched onto him like if he let go Feral would disappear again.

“Feral?” “Feral!”

Grey and Eldest both called one of confusion and the other of relief.

At that exclamation, Eldest stumbled towards the two and crashed onto the floor next to Feral. Hitman was still clinging tightly to Feral as he wiggled an arm free and reached out towards Eldest. 

Eldest’s eyes watered and with a loud sob, he latched on the other side of Feral.

“Feral where! What! AUGH-” Eldest could barely get a word out through his choked sobs. Hitman was not faring much better as he began to shake and also started to cry.

Grey simply watched the three

A devious smirk streaked across Feral’s face.

“NO. DON'T even think about it!”

It was too late Feral had already unwrapped his long tail from his waist and latched it onto Grey's arm. Dragged the unwilling troll straight into the cuddle pile.

Grey grumbled a few protests but eventually settled down. Eldest, reaching out an arm and crushing Grey into them all.

Feral had missed this. Missed them all so much but some many things had happened in such a short period of time he just didn't have the chance to visit.

But he was here now and that's all that mattered.

His low rumble soon fizzed out into a pur, the vibrations from Feral rippling out and through the other three.

This was perfect.

That was when they all heard a voice.

“Did I miss something?”

World tour stood in the entryway of the living room with a puzzled look on his face.

“Fuck.” Grey was never going to hear the end of this.

Grey! JD belongs to @ijjstlostthegame

Eldest! JD belongs to @matmiraculous

Hitman! JD belongs to @lemony-and-zesty

World Tour! JD belongs to @year2000electronics

#feral john dory au #feral jd au #trolls dory verse #who needs angst when i can make people cry tears of joy #Surprise mother fuckers #L

[hyruviandoctor]

In honor of football season being in full swing again, I think we should introduce tackling to more sports. Imagine playing tennis doubles and one of the guys could, at any time, break out in a full sprint to knock you to the ground. A lot more people would watch tennis, I bet

#imagine it for water polo #surprise mother fucker you're going to the water zone *drowns you a little bit*

[the-forgotten-jack]

my skyrim character and the girl he randomly adopted off the streets

#oh did i mention that i've been playing skyrim? no? surprise mother fucker

[aeonblaze]

uhhhhh like this for a starter of some kind :)

#im not elaborating on what u get It's A Surprise #╰ ✧ ━━━━━ ❛ 𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑶𝑭 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 : mothers & fuckers of the jury .

[acklesology]

Doctors will literally gaslight you into not knowing how your own body functions because they have the degree and you don't.

#my colds literally always move into my lungs #literally always #chronic bronchitis haver is me #me literally yesterday to my doctor: I just don't want this moving into my lungs #doctor: you're not coughing tho so you're fine #surprise surprise mother fuckers guess what I'm doing now

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#Jesus. just finished my interview. no idea how it went #i think it was much too rambling on my part and they asked almost exclusively sciency questions #ugh hopefully i didn't look like a completle moron. the guy was sorta inscrutable so no idea what he thought #and he was like hmm whats ur competition here? and i dont give a fuck abt competition and also it doesnt really matter #fuck. i should have said. it would b fine if they were doing the exact same project bc we would b evolving different strains and it would b #interesting if they evolved even the exact same traits. fuck #i think objectively i probably looked like someone who halfway knows what theyre doing without the specific knowledge #which is exactly true. like mother fuckers ive got a full time job to be overworked in. i dont have time to memorize details of every #pathway change in every desert cyano #uuuuugh its just annoying bc my brain doesnt work well in the moment. i need time to process and knit together an answer #so i wouldnt b surprised if i was ranked low. oh god i was told the interview was prob a formality unless it goes terribly #itll b real embarrassing if i dont get passed this stage now #whatever it was a bit chaotic on their end too bc one guy didnt show up until halfway thru so i kinda had to go back and say things twice #uuuuuuuuuuggh. well that kinda sucked. at least its done. out of my hands now. #i was getting too excited abt it anyway. this will reaffirm my: obviously im not gonna get it vibes #i mean thats what i get for trying to join a very competitive program. like i am not a competitive person #rip to my lab mate who im gonna whine at all day abt this. i have to meet him in less than an hour #welp. there r other schools. god i hope at least one of them accepts me #ugh i just think its kinda annoying they they want u to be perfectly qualified for things lol. like i would need someone to step thru the #lab process with me literally once or twice and then id be good to go #like maybe a couple hours of someones time to remind me. thats it. humans r adaptable #i can obviously carry out a project to its conclusion and i have a lot of passion. not that they asked. but yeah #oh well. i should have breakfast before i freeze in the desert all day #unrelated

[sunbreathesa]

im durnk. bought a senjruo figurine as a rpesent to my duture sober self. no more laptop for me

#alcohol // #✦ ── mothers & fuckers of the jury . ›› ooc . #i love surprising future me. shes never gonna see this one coming <3

[buildoblivionthenwewilltalk]

This may be binge brain talking and I may have forgotten whole scenes but there's two Klaus things I'm a little sad about: 1)I wish we got a more meaningful convo between Klaus literally any of the umbrellas about himself/losing Ben etc. We got the ice cream convo with Reggie of all people about how he's feeling, and then the convo with Stan (of all people) where he self therapises himself. But I don't think he has a meaningful convo with the umbrellas , five maybe? At the ball of twine, idk. 2) Diegos reaction to finding out Klaus is dead, I know it was a funny scene. But like, the show doesn't have me convinced that if he had managed to get that carpet to the foyer and dumped his body Infront of the bar the other siblings would give a shit either. It's kind of a weird juxtaposition to have one character breaking down from grief of losing people, to a related character dying and it not being taken seriously even for a second idk. I feel like they should have had a sparrow kill him and shown his siblings to be slightly more than "kinda upset". It could have ramped up the sparrow v umbrella tension too.

oh my god I so agree to both of these 😭😭😭

i loved seeing klaus bond with sparrow Ben, and seeing him explain why they loved their sassy lil shit of a brother it was really sweet - but I do wish we’d spent more time with him figuring out how to be by himself without his brother butting in or just being there ya know? Especially wishing that his siblings asked him how he was doing too like we could have had some element of klaus having to grieve Ben properly OR explore that grief is a little different for klaus as he learns to control his powers and the veil gets thinner for him! It takes me back to that deleted scene they talked about where klaus summons ghosts to look for his brother after the fbi building in s2e10 like I WISH they’d included that because it feels so important to these two very co dependent characters as one tries to move on from the other 😭😭😭

And yeah I felt the Diego finding klaus’ body a little underwhelming too 😂😂😂 like I get he was trying not to be mad at his “son” but like, Ben’s death literally tore the family apart and now they’re other sibling is dead too??? Surely that should have had more of a reaction than “right into the carpet you go” 😂😂😂 ik tua likes to make light of shit like this but this seasons tone was so much darker - they could so have played this out for more drama (like you said about the sparrows!!! What a way to up the ante with them - especially after what happened to alphonso and Sloane like if you put it before or after their deaths it’s could gave really changed the stakes!)

Saying that I did like it later when Diego goes to Stan something like “well you’re lucky that this uncle was immortal you little shit” 😂

#anon you understand me 😂😭 #ngl both of these were things I love writing fics about cos like klaus and bens relationship was so well played out EVEN when- #-they were at each others throats in s2 #and come on who doesn’t want the angst of a good dramatic death scene tied with ‘surprise bitch guess whose not so useless now mother fucker #anon thank you for enabling my ramblings 😂😂😂 #tua #spoilers #the umbrella academy spoilers #lovely people 🥰🥰🥰

[mantecol]

fathers day moodboard of all the men my mother wished she married but ended up with my dad !!!!

#THEN Y'ALL SURPRISED I WANNA FUCK TOM HIDDLESTON #MY OWN MOTHER IS A WHITE MAN FUCKER AND SHE DIDNT LIKE PEOPLE FROM ARGENTINA #SMH #.rb

[infernalurge]

I'm a huge dumbass in 99% of life but the one thing I am good at is examining stories and people will take that from my cold dead hands

#me going into any new media: try to surprise me mother fucker I actually dare you #Sweet Home is the only recent media to have succeeded #that shit is fire #actually Hellbound too

[desire-mona]

homestuck preemptively caused the sinking of the titanic it's mere existense created waves in the space time continuum and made that specific date fucked up or something like the date is significant maybe not right now cause homestuck hasn't happened yet but it will and then the titanic sunk.

anyways hi i should be sleeping rn. this is nonsense

on homestuck day me and my dog almost got ran over by a truck. hi nick! i should also be sleeping but instead i am high and cryibg over robin williams. im realising now im in what most would consider to be a riddler closet cosplay

#desire mona #actually real btw that mother fucker was b lining it toward me on purpose #genuinely thought i was gonna die #hey nick #nicholas1 #ive never actually read homestuck which comes as a surprise to the majority of ppl who know me

[aeonblaze]

me who doesn't watch hyv streams and gets gut punched w every update vs the ppl who watched the stream today

#╰ ✧ ━━━━━ ❛ 𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑶𝑭 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 : mothers & fuckers of the jury . #SORRY I DONT HAVE THE PATIENCE AND ALSO IM BUSY AND EEPY AND LIKE SURPRISE PAIN #but by all means pls do spoil it for me

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

This is called the corduroy pattern

Parallel lines. Stereoscopic views with a snake running through the lines. Waking up from it's slumber flickering it's tongue for prey

Selling supplements at the price of 1 for the 2

Number check birthday gram 12 soft capitality

Street Fighter imports banality of babality

#drop the hand off have a hand in things #if she asks about how to wrestle that will orobably hapoen #take the mind to a playful childhood with the same backdrop #oh ya I been gone to there too #visitors 2 doors down #halloween brushes with destiny #a commonality #dreaming uo on the same channEL though 64 Codons #we all know he is a charming mother fucker but he hasnt chisen to turn it on for that yet #first times fkr everything #he's going for that sweeping single leg #it's a good takedown #the kind that surprises you #on one hand your single on another you bi #warmes uo enough to assure comfy on Land enough #elaine though who knew oh u #going to a cheerleader camp for a daughter and the old good looking mark routine #feels like I know her from somewhere as well #a light year a dream cycle #curious cypher reveals #it is interesting how varying context unlocks different pieces #sometimes they stick aometimes they just go out #me: I didn't even mean to do that #we'll be at the beach though #maybe further down #🤔 up I mean #rest here on for south CUBE #a hidden 40 if j is J #through family finding the tone sand reams of paper