#the actual draw lies in dissecting the internal struggle of the protagonist

[clowndensation]

'enemies to lovers' is such a limiting concept, and it always goes in the wrong direction. like no, i don't want a poor misguided antagonist who sees the error in their ways after continuous encounters with a kind and forgiving protagonist. i don't want the soft comfort of a character who believes they're beyond redemption realizing it's never too late to change, that their past doesn't have to dictate their future.

i want a protagonist and an antagonist who are foils of the same distorted, horrifying desire. i want the protagonist to see the beauty and the joy and the revelry in their antagonist, to envy them for their freedom in succumbing to their desires - desires that the protagonist has repressed within themselves for their entire life. i want the mere existence of the antagonist to seduce the protagonist with the possibility of what they could be. the idea that if they just stopped caring, if they just unburdened themselves from the chains that hold them back, they could find happiness beyond anything they've ever known. i want them tortured with the knowledge that the only thing getting in the way of their own happiness is themself, and the dread of knowing that that self is crumbling in the face of everything the antagonist represents.

#my problem is actually that enemies to lovers is a romance trope #and romance is literally the least of what i want out of this type of relationship #the actual draw lies in dissecting the internal struggle of the protagonist #wherein the antagonist represents acceptance of your own ugliness - of unrepentant indulgence in your own monstrosity. #versus the societal desire to belong and to be good and to fulfill the moral duty of a responsible citizen #not to be a hannibal fan on main but that whole 'you and i have begun to blur' is the whole POINT #the protagonist should see the antagonist as a reflection of themselves #the more they embrace their desire the closer they become to their antagonist #and thus the closer they become to their own self-actualization #the antagonist is the taunt of their own apotheosis #the proof that their truest self has always been within their own reach #it's not about romance it's about accepting the monstrous desire inside yourself #and having someone else finding you beautiful for that desire #anyways this has been my personal essay on why i think jonelias is more interesting than jonma-