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krirebr · 5 months

Text

Relax

Pairing: Jake Jensen x f!Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: ~500 words

A/N: I watched The Losers this afternoon for the first time in years to try to combat the Migraine Sads™ and I immediately wanted to grab Jensen's hand and tell him, "Oh no, baby, just stop." So here that is. 😂

It was the middle of a Tuesday afternoon and the bar was predictably dead. A couple was finishing up an appetizer sampler in the corner booth and a man and a woman sat a few seats apart at the bar. That was it. You were working alone, busying yourself rolling silverware.

As you worked through your stack, you saw the man at the bar leave his seat and move down towards the woman. He was cute with spiky blonde hair and a goatee that was kind of dorky but worked on him. Most importantly, he was fucking built. That fact forgave a lot of follicular sins. The woman was pretty. Brunette with a soft round face. But she'd been nursing an Old Fashioned for the last hour and was giving real fuck-off vibes as she compulsively checked her phone. This wasn't going to go well, but you were bored and kind of wanted to watch the train wreck, so you moved down to their end of the bar as subtly as you could.

"So, uh, you come here often?" he asked her, then grimaced. You resumed your rolling, trying to act like you weren't paying attention. "Yeah, no," he continued when she didn't respond. "I've been here a few times." He nodded to her drink. "I also like drinking. It's fun." He scowled but didn't seem able to stop himself. "And good." He shifted his eyes to the corner of the ceiling, looking like he wanted to die. This poor baby. She shot him a glare and moved to one of the high tops on the far side of the room to finish her drink. He just nodded in response.

You filled a shot glass with top-shelf whiskey and placed it in front of him. "On the house," you said.

He took and drank it without looking up then put his face in his hands. "I'm so fucking embarrassing," he mumbled. "Why is it so hard to talk to chicks?"

"Well, my first piece of advice would be to not use the word 'chicks' so much."

He chuckled, still looking down at the bar. "Any other advice?" he asked.

"Yeah," you said. "You gotta relax, dude."

He huffed. "Yeah, easy for you to sa-" he looked up at your face and stopped mid-sentence. His mouth just hung open for a moment then he took a breath to say something you were sure would be horribly awkward.

"Relax," you said again and poured him another shot. "Can I let you in on a little secret?"

"Uh, sure," he said, taking the shot seemingly unconsciously.

"You're really hot," you said with a grin. "You don't need to try so hard."

You could see his brain short-circuit. "Uh, what?"

"You heard me," you smirked.

"Why does it feel like you're flirting with me?" he asked, adorably confused.

"Because that's exactly what I'm doing," you said. "I guess I like the awkward ones."

He blushed and ducked his head bashfully. "I'm Jake," he said, extending his hand to you. You took it and gave him your name.

You checked your watch. "Well, Jake, I'm done here in about two hours," you said with a significant look.

He gave you another cute, little confused look and then, "Oh! You mean-?" You just smiled at him and he matched it with a grin of his own that lit up his whole face. "Ok, two hours then."

Masterlist

Tag lists are open

@stargazingfangirl18 @drabblewithfrannybarnes @thezombieprostitute @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

#jake jensen x reader #jake jensen x you #jake jensen #drabble #the losers (2010)#reader insert #jake jensen x female reader #chris evans fanfiction #kris wrote something

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catindabag · 11 months

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TBOSAS on Crack short take (22)

*The continued adventures of the ✨Four Drunken Mentors✨* Read [this] first.

*Inside the Tributes’ Truck*

Drunk!Sejanus: Festus! My bro, you have to wake up! We’re already riding the ✨Party Bus✨!

Drunk!Festus: Five more minutes, dad.

Coral: Ew! He’s drooling on the floor like a pig!

Drunk!Festus: *points finger at Coral* I have a cheesecake coupon! Your insults are invalid!

Mizzen: What’s a cheesecake?

Drunk!Coryo: *points at Treech* Lucy Gray!? What happened to you?! Why are you wearing an ugly hat?!

Treech: Are you talking to me? Are you seriously talking to me, pretty boy?!

Drunk!Coryo: You think I’m pretty?

Treech: Yeah. You single?

Drunk!Coryo: Oh, thank you, Lucy Gray! But I already have a rich boyfriend. So no. I ain’t available.

Drunk!Sejanus: Yeah! You tell Lucy Gray to stay away, my love!

Treech: And who are you again?

Drunk!Sejanus: I’m Coryo’s rich boyfriend. So go away Lucy Gray!

Treech: You do know I’m the male Tribute from Distri-

Drunk!Coryo: Oh, no! Lucy Gray, what big feet you have?! And what ugly clothes-

Treech: For the last time, I am not your Tribute!!

Drunk!Coryo: *starts crying* Lucy Gray, why are you being so mean to me?! I gave you food, you big meanie!😭

Lucy Gray: *is still laughing and rolling on the floor*

Drunk!Lysistrata: *grabs and shakes Marcus* Jessup! Jessie, why are you ignoring me?! We should be working together!

Marcus: Seriously, shorty, you have the wrong guy!😫

Drunk!Lysistrata: Jessie, are you cheating on me?! Are you seeing other Mentors?! Is that why you’re ignoring the ✨Great Lizzie Vickers✨?!😭

Marcus: The great what?

Drunk!Lysistrata: Who are you seeing behind my perfect back?! Juno?! Livia?! Felix?! You’re seeing Felix Ravinstill, aren’t you!!

Marcus: Felix?! Who the heck is-

Drunk!Lysistrata: You are swinging with Androcles Anderson, aren’t you?!

Marcus: *turns and glares at Jessup* Aren’t you her Tribute?! Shouldn’t you be helping me right now?!

Jessup: Nope. She definitely has you, Jessup.😂

Drunk!Sejanus: *smiles at Reaper like an idiot* Marcus!

Reaper: Get away from me, you vermin Capitol boy!😡

Drunk!Sejanus: Marcus?! Stop being such an ass!😭 And why aren’t you eating my sandwiches?!

Mizzen: To be fair, I was the one who ate his sandwich-

Drunk!Sejanus: Here! Let me feed you! *shoves a slice of ham into Reaper’s mouth*

Reaper: Stop! I am not your stupid Tribute!

Drunk!Coryo: *suddenly hugs Reaper’s waist* Jessie! Jessup, Lucy Gray is being mean to me!😭

Reaper: What the heck, Blondie! Do I look like Jessup to you?! Unhand me this instant!

Drunk!Coryo: *hugs Reaper’s waist tighter* Lucy Gray wants to hurt me, Jessup!

Treech: Fight me, Blondie!

Drunk!Coryo: I’m not even blonde! My hair color is freaking white as Snow!

Treech: Whatever, Snow White. Let’s fight!

Drunk!Coryo: No way! I’m too weak and skinny to fight!

Reaper: Why dis my life? Why me punish? *is malfunctioning*

Drunk!Festus: *finally woke up from his stupor* I’m up! Festus Creed is back, baby!

Mizzen: Welcome back. Now feed me more of these delicious cookies.

Drunk!Festus: Are you Carl?

Mizzen: You mean Coral, right?

Drunk!Festus: Carl! Nice to finally meet you!

Mizzen: I’m not-

Coral: Yup. He’s definitely Carl from District 4.

Marcus: Oi! Oi! Is anyone gonna help me get rid of this crazy chick?! *glares at Lysistrata*

Drunk!Lysistrata: *starts crying and hugging Marcus tighter* Jessup, why are you seeing Felix?! Is it because his family’s more powerful?!

Dill: Who’s Felix anyway?

Drunk!Festus: Oh, he’s just The President’s favorite grandnephew.

Marcus: He’s the President’s what?!

Drunk!Lysistrata: Or maybe it’s because he’s richer and prettier than me!

Marcus: Stop hugging me!

Tanner: *looks at the chaotic scene* I’m so glad I’m not one of them right now.

Sol: I’m just happy that my Mentor is not here to see this mess.

Hy: *coughs* Me too. But I still hope my Mentor is “normal” or whatever “normal” means in the Capitol.

Teslee: And not like those weirdos.

Lucy Gray: What are you talking about?! They’re the best ones! They’re literally the cake with the cream!

*Meanwhile, at ✨The Academy✨*

Vipsania: Guys? Hey, guys!

Felix: What’s the problem, Vipsy?

Vipsania: Have anyone of you seen Coryo and Lizzie?

Felix: No. Maybe they’re just running late?

Vipsania: How about our two class idiots?

Dennis: Sejanus and Festus? They shouldn’t be late. They have cars.

Felix: Should I call my uncle’s Peacekeepers and search for them?

Clemensia: Oh, c’mon! They’re fine! Stop worrying! We’ll be meeting our Tributes soon!

Apollo: Yeah! They should be heading to the Zoo at this very moment!

Diana: I think their journey is being broadcasted right now!

Juno: *turns on the TV* That’s the truck right there!

Felix: And if we zoom in a little bit- Oh, no.

Vipsania: What?

Felix: Look at the screen!

Everyone: *sees their drunk classmates crying and hugging Reaper on LIVE TV* What the actual fu-

Felix: How did they even get in there?!😱

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joeyschick · 4 months

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Chapter 1- Joe Cool 😎

Joe

I danced a little gig as I walked into my penthouse apartment carrying a case of beer.

As most of you probably know, I am Joe Burrow, rookie quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals.

Who Dey!🧡🖤

Anyway, if you have kept up with me at all you probably know that this season has been rough for me starting out.

I mean, today we got our FIRST freakin’ win of the season against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

And it is week 4. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Folks ,as you know , I had an undefeated season and a natty Championship win during my last year at LSU,

So, needless to say, losing is not in my vocabulary and most definitely something I am not used to

AT ALL. 🥴

But what can I say? It was bound to happen because I had been warned that during my rookie NFL season I would probably take my fair share of lumps.

Just call me Mr.Lumpy. 😂🤦🏻‍♂️

Anywho, moving on.

I have other issues at the current moment.

I rubbed my swollen jaw.

Yes I said swollen jaw.

Yes, I got sacked a few times during the game but that has nothing to do with the swelling of my jaw.

I was interviewed by the lovely,vivacious Linsie Wellington after the game.

Ah,miss Linzie.

The most respected sports announcer in Florida.

And the hottest.🔥❤😜😎

I mean,dayum. Boys, the woman is smoking.

I'm so damn sorry but when a woman looks like that I just gotta say something.

Okay, so normally Miss Hottie(I mean,Linzie ) is an announcer but tonight she did an interview.

An interview with yours truly. (Pops collar)

So.....anyway......when she was finished asking me all those beloved things an interviewer asks.....I just couldn't stand it anymore. I just had to say something.

And this is what I said.

I gave that black haired bombshell my million dollar sultry smile and said this little piece right here.

"Give me your car keys so I can drive you crazy." 😉

Yeah, yeah, crazy pick up line,I know.

But hey it works.

A lot.😎

And boy would I like to drive this woman crazy. 😍

I think miss Linzie liked it just a little.

Ah,hell who am I kidding? I KNOW she liked it.

I saw her blushing.😎

However, there was someone who didn't like it.

That someone was her boyfriend. 🥴😎

Damn, that man can swing a fist.

Hell,I didn't know she had a boyfriend.

Or did I?

😂😂😂😂😂ahem

So there you have it,folks. The story of my freakin bruised jaw.

What can I say?

I'm a hot mess.😎

I sighed as I dragged myself to my fridge and pulled out a beer.

Ahhhhh....smooth as hell. Already made me forget about my damn messed up jaw.

I know I shouldn't be drinking but hell, we freakin' won today!

A man's gotta celebrate.

Yeehaw!

Anyway........twelve to fifteen beers later, I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of passing out.

Just as I leaned back on my huge designer couch and shut my eyes,my doorbell rang

Awww hell no!

I groaned and I stood up with my head absolutely swimming,and trudged over to the door.

How I made it without falling on my ass i will never know.

Anyway.....when I opened the door....there stood a girl with bleach blonde hair and a skirt on up to her rear end.

Mmmmm......mama mia😍

And no, I don't have a damn clue what her name is .

She's a chick I met at the bar the other night.

I'm pretty sure I've already had at least one round of wild and crazy sex with her.

Or was that her sister?😎

Hell, who am I kidding? I probably had em both.

"Hey stud.....good game today." The woman said,batting her eyelashes at me.

"Thanks" I said,smirking and winking.

"I think we should...ya know.....have a little fun ."She said,with a wink.

"Hell yeah" I said,smirking.

The next thing I knew we were in the floor,heavily making out.

I am a worn out ol boy but I am NEVER too tired for some poontang.😎

So....with that being said.....scram...ya filthy animals! 😎

However,please do visit tomorrow.

I'm sure I shall have a ton of things to talk about if ya know what I mean.😎

Song of the chapter -Just A Gigolo by David Lee Roth

Hey guys! I know this is definitely a different Joe than we are used to seeing but hey, I find this side of Joey B rather hot 🥵 myself.

As I’ve said, this is my story from Wattpad but I will be changing it slightly.

Thanks so much for reading!

Will update soon!

Much love,

Leslie ❤️

#joey burrow #who dey #cincinnati bengals #joeyb #so hot 🔥🔥🔥

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toomuchracket · 9 months

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Oh god now I'm imagining them on celebrity Gogglebox watching David Attenborough. Matty would be throwing crisps around, imagine they had cheesy puffs or maltesers and he's bouncing them off the guys heads. Ross would be "guys shut up I can't hear it", Adam would be sat in the corner wiping a tear from his eye because the baby animals are so cute. Matty would try and start a lecture about global warming and the impact it's having on the planet and George would be like "If you'd shut up and listen that's exactly what David's already saying."

I can also imagine anytime there's a dad animal Matty would say "hann it's you" 😂

Why do I want this so bad now

"that's exactly what david's already saying" has sent me into orbit for some insane reason. anon thank you so much this is so perfect!! i doubt they'd ever do it but i would love if they did. and if matty healy ever threw a wotsit at me i would wring his neck lmao.

ALSO desperately need to see them watch a proper chick flick or something. legally blonde!! or clueless!! not 10 things i hate about you, though - that would be too close to home with the flatmate fic for me lmao <3

#mads answers asks #chatty bits #matty asks #george asks #ross asks #adam asks

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wench-and-jezebel · 1 year

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Dark Angel Reaction: 411 on the DL

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

I don’t sleep much 🥴🥴 They are human, woman. They need sleep

Jesus, glad I’m not epileptic [I didn't see a warning, that's for sure]

Le gasp COPS

Asssss hole coppps

["how's a girl supposed to get home?" I get the actually point she was making, but also... Chick, you're a supersoldier. Figure it out fjsksks]

I still maintain the twirling baby is odd [You haven’t come to love the revolving baby yet?]

[TONY! ...Wait :)]

BRUH. I LOOKED DOWN RIGHT WHEN HE PULLED OUT THE SANDWICH. IT DIDN’T LOOK LIKE A SANDWICH [That's called a baguette, dear, but also. Awkward. Also, I thought you were "bruh"ing because of the button itself dhsjsk]

Now you can see why seeing him play stoic serious was odd [‘Tis true. He's got some snark, but nowhere near the same]

I’m pretty sure Tony has an ex wife too iirc [Huh]

Not his chi

Oooof. Marital issues. I thought she was being rude at first, like "you were the last I was thinking of", but I see it’s not

Gah damn that a lot a money [Yup. That's a lot now, much less in this universe. But it does bear mentioning: a motorbike called Nirvana seems awesome] Those fucking places suck. I had a car impounded after a wreck [Damn]

[Wdym, you let everything slide off you like water? No, you don't, Max; you bitch about everything] 😂😂😂😂

“I hear ya sista but you don’t hear me”

Wait, is herbal gay? I’m relistening to that lol

No I misheard. He said my woman; I thought he said my ol�� man. I was like wooooot

[She sounds so whiny too, just saying. Like, I get the point, and I'd agree, but also. "I don't want a used bike, wah"]

Does Normal ever smile before Alec lol [No.] ☠️☠️☠️

A SMILE [Okay, that was a half smile, but like.] well [Not the same] Smilette

Suspicious blonde boy look like suspicious blonde kid. Watch Sam be Zach or one of them

Can you scan the barcodes?

“It’s like opening up the paper and seeing my panties” I don’t think that would be the same ma’am

Lintlicker

[Oh, look, this time Max is the jealous one]

[His hair is so spiky]

What did she say? “Lookey?” [It was whatever nickname Valerie used on the phone. Loogey, is my guess] W-why is that his nickname [Idk, my dear]

And he can’t turn it off ☠️☠️☠️

Jealous Max ☠️☠️

If I was him I would run over her damn toes

[Why do so many of these episodes have the premise "Max needs x amount of money before y person leaves the state and has to do z bad thing to get it.”] Right? 😂😂😂 [We’ve got this one, then “Proof of Purchase,” then “Borrowed Time.” And that’s just off the top of my head.]

So now she needs 18000

Is that Taika? [I WONDERED THAT! I've been wondering that for days] That is not taika Lol [Djdjsjsksk Good to know] Boooo I was excited

😂😂☠️☠️ love the speech [Fjjsksks I love Herbal] Sameeee

Wait did herbal leave? Like, leave leave? [He's allegedly been fired, but idk if it lasts] Ahh, I see [Max has been fired like 50 times]

[Okay, Normal is being a bit suspicious with. Sam.] ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Cheer up!

Oooooop Jealoussss [Accurate]

[Not quiet, not sweet, etc. But also, sweeter than Max] Nice…er than you bitch

“Great body” 😂☠️☠️☠️☠️

["by the grace of God" fjdjksksk]

Oh no she didn’t just pop up on them like that! Howwwww rudeeeeee

– – –

Here, Wench’s Internet decided to go out, so her responses were done after the fact and blended in subsequently. Thus, this is also true for anything Jezebel responded to her with.

– – –

Oooooo! Angryyyy Max

Oh nooooo, his womannnnn. Fuck Winston!

“Wiiinston! *shakes head*” I love Herbal!

A dog! [Makes sense it’d growl given her feline genes, but not quite clear on how/why it stopped] ☠️☠️☠️ that’s what I thought

BRUH ☠️ all that and the box only had $2 [I do have to ask a) why tf she thought there’d be much money in the unsecured box there and b) why she didn’t steal the $2, but oh, well.]

Welp, impound man: you have been bamboozled

Clint linklicker ‘sigh’ [That guy working under him looks like Elias from Person of Interest.]

[“We’ll be there” Bro, you’ve been there every time she showed up in the past. You just can't catch her because you… suck.] Like. I just can’t even 😂😂😂

[“That young man is worth the rest of you bums put together” Sir, your worship is showing again. I swear, he says that exact same sentence about Alec. I’m noticing a trend.]

So what is this, post apocalyptic Amazon? I’ve been meaning to ask that this whole show [You mean Jam Pony?] Ye [Yeah, basically. It's a delivery service. Not really a corporation though.]

Like I get them being angry but they don’t have to be mean to dumb blonde man Sammy boy is struggling to ride a bike, friend

She stuffed gum in the money hole

“A butterfly farted in India” ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

– – –

An update on Wench’s adventures with Internet:

Google search: "how do you connect to wifi"

Google answer: "go to this link"

Link: "this link won't work in chrome; go to this safari link for help"

The Safari link in question: "sorry, you're not connected to the internet"

Wench: WTAF, HOLY HELL, OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS, JUST- @K$#$*&@(RJ#&$R)(#$*(*@)(*@$)(@$

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

– – –

Long-after-midpoint reaction:

Well, first I felt a little pity for Max cause they stole her bike, and then the guy’s potentially scamming her. I’m guessing he’s gonna get dead, btw, if he’s going against Lintlicker. (Which is a saved word in my phone now lol)

But her little hissy fit over Logan’s ex… Hmph. Like. WOMAN. Either you want him or you don’t. (Which is so much like Ziva you will seeee omg).

Also HERBAL! Buddy! Kick Winston and ya woman out! That’s not good!

And then there’s Ken doll. ☠️☠️ who seems like discount Alec even though Alec isn’t even on yet, just because he has Normal drooling over him

– – –

WHY YOU SO MEAN TO THE DUMB BLONDE BOYYYY

“Weeenston”

Oh nooooo, the sunburn [He looks. Orange.]

Oh nooo x2 the ring mark

Yussssss the double crossing. She seemed so nice.

They aren’t even really kissing wtf is this ☠️☠️ They are mouthing the air around each other’s mouths ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Well. Guy (Vogelsang) got dead

[Ma’am does not understand subtlety; she legit stares, frightened, at the Manticore guys, then suspiciously runs away. THEY LOOK FOR THAT KINDA THING.]

[“Vogelsang was dead and Lydecker was there; that’s enough for me” Ma’am, wot. Illogic at its finest.]

He’s fine

Have you ever been able to? Lol

Oh shit that’s gonna be a thing (her telling about the ex)

WHATTTTTT DID I SAY? I CALLED IT

Now dumb blonde is less dumb ☠️☠️☠️ I love it

Did he know she was her? [idk, I’ll let you know when I rewatch]

What is that run? ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Oh he did know [Ah, I see]

He be a mooooordererrrrr

His whole personality is different it’s strange

Bruh who are you ☠️

“That’s an order” Why are y’all even free if your gonna be ordering people around [That’s what I’m freaking saying, thank you]

Don’t kiss her

Pls don’t kiss her

[That scene was uncomfortableeeeee. Even without “Some Assembly Required” as a primer.]

And cue angry Tony. I mean, Logan.

Why he give her money???? WHY DID HE GIVE HER THE MONEY?!?!?!?! THROW HER OUT THE WINDOW

“It wasn’t my idea. I just executed it.” Why’d he give her the mooooooney!???!!!

He’s too niceeeee

Oooof [Buddy angsting at the window, staring out at the rain like a regular Heathcliffe]

Herbal put Weenston out. I love it

Why is she getting the third degree for being honest?

Buddy, that’s not how you say “you should go give Logan some loving”

HES STILL SITTING AT THE WINDOW, THE POOR BUDDY 😂😂😂😂😂

Did she say she “hooked up” with Zach? Ma’am, he touched your chin and that was toooo much

THIS IS NOT GIVING LOGAN LOVE, MAAM. soooo very ruuuuudeeeeee

Okay, now y’all kiss

“In the guest room,” he says. That’s code for something

This is the. WEIRDEST. Talk. [Well, at least they both talk circuitously.]

AND DONE

– – –

Jezebel: I swear I’m vibing during my midpoint and I’m confused by the end. Each ep. I think it’s cause usually the big problem gets solved but opens a new one. Which I mean yeah that’s how shows go from ep to ep. But idk this feels like too much. Almost like the ending shouldn’t be the ending but like a mid or 3/4 point. Idk. I still like it, though. Wayyyy more than I intended to

Wench: For what it’s worth, season 2 kinda resolves that, imo. Or at least to my recollection. The main episodes I remember reach natural conclusions.

Jezebel: 🙂 good!

Wench: But they’re also a bit more standalone in general. s1 is about her quest to find her siblings; s2 is about Manticore folks being out and about in general. There’s a bit of an arc, but not as much of one. If that makes sense?

Jezebel: Ahhh it does 🙂

Wench: My favorite eps are pretty standalone, at least. “The Berrisford Agenda” is one of my beloved episodes (Alec-centric) and it’s very compact.

Jezebel: Wait, is Ben one of the ones that got away or is he her actual brother?

Wench: He’s one of her siblings. One of the kids who escaped in ‘09. With Max. Part of her unit.

Jezebel: Ahhhhhh! See this whole time I thought he was just like another kid her mom had that she finds and, like, gets killed in the crossfire

Wench: Nah, he and Alec got twinned. Only the twins are at all biologically related, and that’s not them usually them being related, per se; it’s usually cloning or something. And Ben got out, but Alec didn’t.

Jezebel: WAIT HIS NAME IS BEN. i just made this connection too ☠️😂

Wench: askfjlksjf I’m so confused

Jezebel: Ben. From spn

Wench: oh. OH. Huh. I thought you were going for Soldier Boy ‘cause his name is Ben

Jezebel: WAIT WOT

Wench: Yeah, pretty sure

Jezebel: Bruh

Wench: :)

Jezebel: He plays the Bens; he fathers a Ben (as Dean), he dates a Ben…ny

Wench: !!kjlajsdlfkjasdflkj

Jezebel: Ackles, you got a preference or something?

Wench: LKJASLKDJF;ALKDJSFL;KJASDF

*a moment passes*

Wench: I’m dying waiting for you to get to "Pollo Loco". It’s my favorite s1 episode. The filming is stunning. And Ben is such a tragic character, and is done so well (he’s like if you took MBV!Jackles and smushed in Dean)

Jezebel: Awwww 🥺🥺🥺

Wench: And maybe a bit of SB, though I don’t know for sure. He’s got a deep and abiding cynicism that makes me think more of what little I know of SB. And a delight in violence. Dean likes the hunt, but he doesn’t thrive on the violence to the same degree, imo. You agree?

Jezebel: Yeah, I get it

– – –

That’s a wrap! We don’t know when the next episode will be — thus, whether the next reaction is going to be NCIS or Dark Angel — but see you then!

#dark angel #dark angel reactions #reactions #episode reactions #s01e05 #411 on the DL #max guevara #logan cale #original cindy #herbal thought #sketchy #jezebel (pr)

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thewhiskersonkittens · 9 months

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It's been over a week since I saw it and I still can't stop thinking about the Barbie movie. It's like I'm still in shock. No one cares but I will write out my full thoughts here under the cut.

PROS

Like everyone says, I 100% agree on the set design of Barbie Land and the costumes. They did a fantastic job! I expect they will win some awards for those categories.

I like most of the soundtrack although there's probably about three artists on it I actually know. (I feel old.)

Ryan Gosling. To me, he had the best performance out of the whole cast. Ironically, in a movie literally called "Barbie", I found myself caring for Ken more. I think that is a testament to just how good of an actor Gosling is. They butchered Ken's character (just like they did Barbie's) and wrote a really half-ass script but Gosling STILL delivered.

Weird Barbie. I'm not much of a Kate McKinnon fan but I think she did really well. I love this concept of a "weird Barbie" because it's so true to life. Of course there would be a Barbie some little girl messed up! 😂

Speaking of "old", my favorite scene was the one with Barbie on the bench next to the elderly woman. I think this movie's message could have easily been about ageism more than tHe pAtRiaRcHy...

CONS

The biggest issue for me is what they did to Barbie and Ken's relationship. They are one of the most famous couples of all time, albeit a fictional one, but I just wanted them to be in love and kiss. 😭 I'm a hopeless romantic. I am tired of the idea that a Strong Female Character™ can't have a romantic relationship with a man because it makes her "weak" or "not as cool". One thing they could have done is say of course Barbie doesn't need Ken. But she chooses Ken because she loves him. She DOES love him. (IDC what Gerwig or Robbie says. They got it wrong.)

The plot(s) are all over the place! I can't remember but I don't even think the mother-daughter part of the story even got resolved or if it did it was done in like two seconds?! I don't remember, by then, I was getting bored and restless.

There was no point to Will Ferrell and the Mattel CEOs. After the chase scene, I completely forgot about them until they randomly reappeared at the end. I'm inclined to think they were only included to be a red herring for when they cut the trailers for the movie.

I didn't like how they named everyone else "Barbie" and "Ken" in Barbie Land (Aside from Alan and Midge). I get they are saying everyone can be a Barbie or a Ken no matter what you look like. But did they not know about all the characters in Barbie's world? Skipper, Courtney, Kelly (a.k.a. Chelsea), Stacie, Christie, Francie, etc? Just seems lazy IMO.

"The Message". Don't tell me "yOu jUsT diDn't GEt iT!!!" 😑 Oh, I got "the message", all right. IDK how anyone can watch this movie and not "get it" when they might as well beat you over the head with a goddamn sledgehammer. When I was a kid, I had a Life Size Barbie. Why don't you get one of those and write "FeMiNISm!!!" all over her body, take her by the heels, wind her up like a baseball bat and beat me to death for two hours?! In hindsight, it would have saved me time and money for sure.

If you liked this aspect of the movie, all the power to ya. You are allowed to like whatever you want to like. But everyone acting like this shit was so deep and profound... ??? I'm sorry, are you kidding me?! It's about as deep as a kiddie pool. I think there are rain puddles out there deeper than this.

They could have gone about the women's empowerment message in a much better way and a lot more subtle and a lot less hateful.

Which brings me to my next point about what I didn't like.

IDK what this movie was trying to be? It had some funny moments but most of the humour was corny and flat. I've been craving an unapologetically girlie, "chick-flick" movie for a long, long time now. The kind they used to make 15-20 years ago or so. Think "Legally Blonde", "Clueless" or "13 Going on 30". Or think even further back to the 80's with "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" or "Teen Witch". What better movie to make a return to that kind of genre than with a live action ✨BARBIE✨ movie? She is the epitome of girlie-ness and femininity. But I guess that's too "problematic" now or something.

Why did only Ken sing? Don't get me wrong, he did great, but does it seem weird to anyone else why he was the only one? It seems kind of random IMO. Why didn't Barbie sing a solo? I have no idea if Robbie can sing or not but still. Again, what is this movie trying to be? It could have worked as a musical but it wasn't.... but they threw in a Ken song and dance number out of left field?

And lastly,

Margot Robbie. I HATE to say this, really I do. Because I really like her as an actress. I had so much faith and hope in her with this role. I thought she was a MUCH better choice for Barbie than Amy Schumer ever was!

Robbie looks the part of Barbie to a T. She's beautiful. But as the movie went on, I felt like she wasn't giving Barbie anymore. At least not Barbie in the way I imagine the character. It feels like she was playing a completely different character. Barbie in this movie never really helps anyone but herself. Barbie is not supposed to be an emotional manipulator but here, she is.

It's not Robbie's fault because Gerwig didn't write her character correctly. Same thing with Ken. He's a himbo, for sure, but he's not supposed to be some pathetic simp. I feel like both Robbie and Gosling were kind of wasted. They are both so talented but their characters were not written right.

So, all and all, if I had to rate the movie I'd give it a 5/10. I feel like they got some things right, some things they could have done much better, and some things they just shouldn't have done at all.

This is all just my honest thoughts and opinions. If you enjoyed the movie, I certainly don't want to take that away from you. I'm a huge fan of Barbie and I left the theater incredibly disappointed by the final product and I was SO excited for this.

#barbie 2023 #barbie spoilers #i hope we can still be friends #barbie

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bisluthq · 2 years

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Why did I click on that kaylor konspiracy link? Like why? Lmao they truly believe they live in a simulation don't they... Seriously they used everybody's eyes and related "eye" With "I" 😂😂😂

also think about it it's genius everybody has eyes and everything can be a klue🤷‍♀️😂😂 GENIUSES..

I don’t actually worry so much about the nutjob herself because I think she does it semi ironically. Like she’s obviously fucked in the head but she’s always like “lmao idk this is possible” and it’s not but whatever like she has fertility issues or whatever and if what makes her happy is like imagining an AU with two blonde ladies whatever fucking floats her boat.

What freaks me out is how many people buy into it. There’s that gay chick on TikTok with the HUGE following who has explicitly endorsed the eye “theory” and presumably a lot of her followers do too.

It’s fucking crazy lmao.

#nat talks the konspiracy

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harryforvogue · 2 years

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ME AND SOME BLONDE CHICK SARAH 😂

you know in my whole life i’ve had only two or three blonde friends

#mimirox6 counts as one i guess

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fluffy-alien · 2 years

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Oh gosh I mixed up the name 😭 Harpie anon here, I meant the harpie girl! The blonde one with the pink stockings, I thought she was called "harpie chick" due to a language barrier, apologies again 😭😭

lmfao I'm embarrassed for both of us

I am very familiar with the problem that is the language barrier, but the prior outcome was way funnier to me

You're totally good and I hope I am as well 😂😂❤️ lmao bless you and your quest for harpies

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myhotmessandsoccer · 6 months

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I got hit because I said that blonde chick would look hotter if she were a brunette. Well it’s true.😂

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kmp78 · 10 months

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In thr video clip of trashbag gobbling the cake or ice cream. There is someone with black trousers and sneakers. J? K, you asked about the Cartier-Bresson bracelets. Might have been purchased by client. Toothy chick has Balenciaga which is super expensive. Noticed they have fancy expensive bags. Either from Ali Express or Clients. The large blonde seems to travel to all the 5* locations, nobody in sight, other than photographer who takes pics. Private plane everywhere but no real job. 🤣🤣🤣

It's so cringe cos EVERYONE knows these types of trashies don't have any means of their own to pay for that lifestyle so they mooch off everyone around them, and somehow they are proud of it?! 😬😂

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satiresatyr · 1 year

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Today's been weirdly calm. I think im in the eye of the storm right now because I can feel my family situation slipping again. I should probably prepare but I'm way too tired to. I just shared earphones with Lilly on the way to school and played her favorite songs, gave lots of hugs for when struff inevitably blows up. Im gonna do some chores and try to avoid it by being good.

There's this dude that found my snapchat recently, he goes to the public HS near my house. I used to know know and there was this one time last year when he sat next to me and said, "Hey, do you want a cupcake?" And I said "Uh no thanks" and he just gets up, walks over to his friends, and says "gimme a cupcake for the chick over there" an gave it to me. That has lived in my head a while because it's so dumb 😂

Just imagine a stereotypical jock and you know him. 6'2", blonde mullet, football team, plays a red electric guitar. Dated the lead cheerleader. Yep, and his name is stereotypical too. Call him B I guess.

Dunno why the interest in me. I don't belong in the stereotypes lol

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bishiglomper · 1 year

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Omg I almost forgot to note down a dream.

I've already forgotton most of the extra plot points except for this part surrounding a motorcycle gang.

Someone in "my" group got in trouble and we had to send someone to essentially join a motorcycle gang. It was part probation/rehabilitation but the one who got in trouble couldnt do it because they were baby and we didnt want them murdered. Only none of our bigger guys were around to take the hit, so we had to send this tall white skinny chick. Who was also baby but hopefully oblivious enough to be safe?

And apparently they had to go undercover as male. We had no better options.

This chick was super tall, skinny, freckled, had straw-like, short wavy blond hair. She was awkward and kinda dorky. I felt bad we had to send her. Also because she apparently had to act male, and.. she was awful at it. 👀

The gang was surprisingly kind and supportive. There was a weird element where leaders had control of some entity to fight with but it was a bit secret so their group had to learn what design their creature was. They looked like Noise from TWEWY. kind of that spike graffiti text stylized design. Anyway. They had awkward chick draw the thing but she didnt do it right because she wasnt privy to the secret yet so she failed.

She was so afraid she was gonna be punished. But boss's no. 1 was like "nah its okay because then we all go out and teach you the stuff you need to know, it'll all be cool" so when they told the boss, she was worried and ready to grovel but the boss didnt even say anything about it, he was all just like "hey lets all go for a ride, show the newbie around"

So this group took her under their wing. I think her name was Ellie. I don't know what they called her in the gang though.. I wanna say Keith. 🤷

She always had to wear her motorcycle helmet. In an effort not to be found out. And everyone wore full-body leather riding suits. It didn't make much of a difference for her because she was so thin and flat chested lol

But anyway.

Everyone knew she was female but she was obviously trying to hide it, even doing a ridiculous sounding "deep guy voice". The first time they heard that they all kind of chuckled. They all knew but they're playing along because she was fucking precious and trying so hard okay 💀

And you know I am a sucker for pining fics. Just two morons absolutely, obliviously in love.

Which is what Ellie and motorcycle boss were. The boss was super curious and endeared by her and shes suprised by the whole gang in general and is falling in found family love with them but is also preoccupied by not giving away her secret that she cant tell the boss is hopelessly in love with her and trying to be careful not to actually let her know her entire ruse is blown. 👀 because shes too precious to disappoint.

And also his loyal lackies know better than to end the charade because while they are all lovely people, he'll still fuckin' murder you and his guys will make sure they never find the body 😂

Have i mentioned this chick is a dork?

She was talking and a ring flung off her hand and she just immediately dropped to the ground to grope around for it and it was so pathetic because her big ass helmet did not help matters. She tried to discreetly flip the visor open just long enough to find the ring and go back to obscuring her face.

The guys all look at boss like. Are we allowed to comment on how lame they are? But the boss just gives them a look like dont you dare. This pathetic baby bunny is under my protection and you'll all fall in line or you'll regret it.

I dont know where my brain conjured these people up but they are now my babies and I love them all so much. 😭 I need to give them an actual story because their love needs to be shared.

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edzasks · 2 years

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Zac is single 😂 he is not with Jessie and neither with Zelda 😂😂😂

They didn’t say those names they said he’s w Lexi you know the blonde chick that looked like Miley Cyrus lol

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estrellami-1 · 2 years

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Once you get this, say five things you like about yourself, then send this to ten of your fav followers

Babe!!!!!

Okay so I’ve done this before but I don’t really remember my answers so… We’ll see! Lol

1) my writing! I see how far I’ve come and I’m really proud of where I am now vs. where I was then.

2) My arms/hands; they’re the most masculine thing about me (even if they are still pretty slender and, therefore, “feminine.”)

3) My cooking! I learned my abuela’s tomato sauce recipe by heart and now I never use the canned stuff 😂

4) my crafts :) I crochet and I’m trying to teach myself how to knit, and I’m doing pretty well so far! I crocheted myself an entire sweater and I’m knitting a scarf for the first kid my siblings have (because I’m not having my own). It’ll probably be for their girl, because they’re all very traditional and it’s pink with hearts. Still cute though, and I’m proud of myself for that!

5) My… I guess outlook on life? And not just in life but on myself. Typically, nowadays, I’m pretty okay with myself emotionally, unless dysphoria rears it’s ugly head. But I’m very patient with people, I’m very loyal, and I think the best of people; sometimes to my own detriment. (And no… that doesn’t remind me of a certain blond supersoldier… not at all… why would you say that…)

Anyways. Thank you darling, I needed this little uplift today ❤️ today was not a great one; I started my—ahem—cycle two days ago, and today I ran out of energy before my second class (thank God I only had 2 today, instead of the regular 5!) and wasn’t able to say anything the entire time; every time I wanted to say something, I had to fight back a panic attack. But I went and got lunch/dinner with a friend (aka they ate crackers (which I’m still upset about because that’s NOT FOOD and you were about to GO WORK OUT you need PROTEIN) and I got a dark chocolate Hershey’s bar with almonds 😂) and it was good; they’re really good at making me laugh (which is fun considering we’ve known each other for literally less than 2 months) so I ended up having a good time. Then I went and got Chicken Salad Chick for me and my sister, I took our stick shift which I don’t prefer driving (I like our Prius lol) but I did well, I only stalled once! 😂

Anyways. How was your day, darling? @thatonegreyghost

#asks #Sam’s asks #this is an ask right?#Sam knows nothing #like usual #not marvel

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