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jschllatt · 3 years

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𝐈’𝐋𝐋 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 | 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐭

Prompt: Here's an irl version of the request if you'd like to try it! Schlatt and a few friends are streaming and end up talking about how the reader doesn't ever drink and is probably a lightweight, she gets slightly insecure because she wants to impress him, she ends up getting super drunk and schlatt walks in on her sadly babbling to herself and at first schlatt is worried but it quickly becomes amusement as he listens to her say she was just trying to impress him and that she's a failure and her just being a very emotional drunk, he's very soft with her and tells her that he doesn't care if she can drink or not he loves her for who she is, all while teasing her for trying to impress him HEJDJ he makes me feel things 🥺🥺 change whatever you'd like!! And if you aren't inspired, feel free to ignore!!

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, swears, and slight angst

Pairing: Schlatt x Fem!Reader

Words: 1,168

Masterlist

Thanks so much for the request anon, I absolutely loved writing it! I hope you enjoyed <3

Schlatt had been streaming for hours.

At first, you were fine with it. It had been a long time since he’d last streamed, and you knew it was good for both him and his fans. But as time passed, you found yourself feeling lonely, having been unaccustomed to his busy schedule as you sat alone on the couch, bored. A sigh of discontent escaped your lips as you tore your eyes away from the tv, no longer in the mood to finish watching your favorite movie. You missed your boyfriend a lot—so much to the point where nothing would satisfy your longing besides Schlatt himself. Deciding to visit him, you ventured down the hall, stopping once you reached his door to ensure you wouldn’t be interrupting him. You were about to knock before you heard Schlatt say your name, the sound making you perk up in surprise. Though Schlatt’s fans were aware of your relationship, the two of you avoided public interactions, finding the privacy more comfortable.

“What is the most embarrassing thing Y/N has done while drunk?” Schlatt muttered aloud as he read a dono, chuckling softly to himself. “She doesn’t drink.” He answered simply, soon after being met with an amused Swagger as his friend chuckled, “I wish I didn’t drink, then I could go back to being a lightweight.” Schlatt laughed in response, shifting in his seat to get more comfortable. “I can’t imagine Y/N drunk, she’d probably just freak out or something.” You felt your heart drop, suddenly embarrassed at your boyfriend's words. Did he really think that you weren’t capable of holding your liquor? Sure, you avoided drinking and didn’t have much experience being drunk, but that doesn’t mean you can’t handle it, right?

Wrong.

Minutes later, you found yourself in the kitchen, reaching for the bottle of vodka that sat idly in the cabinet. Schlatt had saved it for special occasions and only drank in moderation, respecting the fact that it was something you didn’t do, and had managed to finish three quarters of the bottle, leaving the remaining quarter now in your possession. You decided that tonight was special enough and brought the bottle up to your nose, cringing at its intense scent. Hesitant, you brought it down to your lips to take a swig, instantly grimacing as it slid down your throat painfully. It was impossibly bitter and made your face instinctively contort in disgust, but you swallowed sip after sip of the pungent liquid until there was none left. You tried to ignore your lightheadedness as you placed the bottle back in the cabinet, leaning against the counter as you tried to process what you’d just done.

Though your throat burned, you were still coherent—you almost could’ve convinced yourself that you were totally fine if it hadn’t been for the intense dizziness that took over your body just minutes later. Every step you took towards your bedroom felt heavy, forced, and you plopped down unceremoniously onto your bed, suddenly drowsy in your drunken state. Thoughts of Schlatt’s words circled your brain and you mumbled to yourself, upset, “Lightweight my ass.” Though you knew his intentions were harmless, you couldn’t help but take offense, feeling somewhat inadequate. The buzzing in your body only increased, and you found yourself growing uncomfortable, the feeling foreign. “Fuck.” You muttered, unable to process the unfamiliar sensation as you sat up once again, your body heavy. The sound of footsteps neared the bedroom, though you ignored them, continuing to mumble strings of profanities and incoherent words to yourself.

“Y/N?”

You turned your head slowly to meet Schlatt’s eyes, his expression one of confusion as he observed your delayed reaction. He stepped forward until he towered above your hunched form, practically standing between your legs as he asked incredulously, “Are you drunk?” You reeked of alcohol and appeared out-of-it, though you played it off, slurring a drunken ‘no.’ Schlatt bent down to cup your face in his hands, eye level with you as he murmured in disbelief, “Holy shit, you are.” You pulled away from his touch, feeling ashamed as you nearly fell back onto your bed. There was a brief moment of silence before you admitted, “I just wanted to prove I’m not a lightweight.” Your tone was dull and you had covered your face with your hands in embarrassment, your words muffled beneath your fingers.

Schlatt shifted so he sat next to you, placing a hand on the back of your head so he could pet your hair comfortingly. “I didn’t know you heard that. It’s not a bad thing, y’know.” He assured softly, watching as you pulled away from your hands. You blew out a breath, still riddled with sadness as you mumbled, “I thought I could handle it, I’m such an idiot.” Schlatt struggled to fight back a smile, finding your pitiful words amusing as he stared at you in awe—you were just too damn cute. “You’re not an idiot, baby. How much did you drink?” You turned to face your boyfriend, thinking for a moment before you answered, “A lot.” Schlatt laughed at your uncertainty, though you were humiliated, and felt embarrassed tears well in your eyes.

“I’m a failure.” You cried suddenly, feeling a wave of tears trickle down your cheeks. No longer laughing, Schlatt moved so he could sit in front of you, cupping your cheeks in his hands as he countered worriedly, “Hey, hey, hey, no you’re not, princess.” He pulled you into his chest, rubbing your back comfortingly as he continued, “I don’t care if you drink or not, I’ll love you no matter what.” You sniffled pathetically into his shirt, feeling your tears subside as you took in his comforting words.

Minutes later, your sadness was soon replaced with a heavy drowsiness and you let out a yawn, making Schlatt chuckle softly. “Are you tired?” You could only nod in response, pulling away from his chest so you could wipe away your tears. His expression was one of amusement as he watched you sway slightly, steadying yourself by grabbing his firm shoulders as you continued to sniffle repeatedly. “All this to impress me, huh?” Schlatt teased with a smirk, snickering to himself once you shot him a pointed look. “Shut up, asshole.” You slurred. This only encouraged his laughter, and you fought the urge to laugh along with him, his giggling contagious. “Stop, it’s not funny.” You drawled out with a pout, still clutching his shoulders as he shook with laughter. “You’re right, it’s not funny, it’s hilarious.”

Playfully angry, you huffed, standing up shakily. You wobbled on your feet, nearly falling before Schlatt shot up to steady you, circling his arms around your waist. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck and the two of you stared at each other in a brief silence before you blurted out, “I love you.”

Your boyfriend chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving yours as he replied adoringly, “I love you too, my beautiful, wasted girlfriend.”

#schlatt imagine #jschlatt imagine #schlatt x reader #jschlatt x reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader

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hotdamnhunnam · 3 years

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Filthy Fucking Pet

A/N: Here’s the next requested fic from my Dirty Little Secret – Super Kinky List! In which Jax Teller owns and abuses you like an actual animal… this shit is mad intense lol and Jax is an absolute alpha male asshole. **Please note the warnings: This fic is all about the kinks, please do not read if this is not your thing!!**

Pairing: Jax Teller x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dom!Jax, extreme degradation/dehumanization (master/pet kink, sweat kink, foot worship, ass worship, Jax humiliates you to the max, realistically this is not at all a healthy relationship) Request: This Dirty Little Secret request (anon)

Word Count: ~2.6k

**Please note warnings above**

Triggering content after ‘Keep reading’ cut…

Seriously, this shit is super savage and sick and twisted. You’re basically Jax Teller’s personal house pet. In addition to kinky stuff like rimming and the general vibe of extreme submission, this is also the first fic I’ve posted on tumblr that features foot worshiping (I swear I have no interest in feet irl really – as with pretty much all of the kinks in my kinkiest fics honestly, it’s just a theoretical fantasy that I have only for Charlie, and only in theory… since theoretically I have no limits with my sex god king…)

Anywhore, enough ado about nothing! 🙃 All of the kinks in this fic are mentioned in the above warnings, so please just be mindful of them before you jump in…

***************

You used to be human. But now... it feels as if you've never been.

From the day you and Jackson first met, way back when, you had fallen in love with the crown prince. Fallen to your knees to serve him as his bitch and that's all you have been ever since. Pleasing him is your business. You're his little whore, and his personal pet: nothing more, nothing less.

Anything but human honestly. You're whatever Jax Teller wants you to be. His kinky sex kitten, his filthy fuckpig, or his damn dirty dog on a leash. It's the best. You don't speak, you don't eat—not human food, at least—you just serve at his feet. This is your whole existence. And God, you feel so fucking blessed.

You spend all your days in his house, day in and day out. The castle of the king of Charming. It's such a gift just to live under the same roof as him. Whenever he's not home, you miss him so badly it hurts. But you keep yourself busy by doing the housework. Constantly crawling on all fours, you use your grubby paws to scrub the floor, and sweep the dust off of his furniture.

Then once you're done with all your chores, you kneel down by the front door, and wait desperately for your master. Just counting the seconds until he returns.

Every time that it happens, the moment you hear the smooth roar of the engine as his bike gets in... then his powerful footsteps approaching the entrance... your heart starts to beat harder, faster. On fire in the presence of Jax. There is always a butt plug stuck deep in your ass, with a big fluffy fake tail attached. You're otherwise naked except for your collar and tags.

And today, as your master comes home after quite a long time far away, you are happier than you can take—your whole body quivers and quakes, and your tail starts to wag.

When Jax finally walks in, you gaze up at him with wide, worshipful eyes. He's so damn beautiful you could cry. You yelp and whimper a few times in greeting, to express how excited you are to be seeing your king. By now your human brain has certainly stopped working. Your hungry tongue hangs from your open mouth, breathing needy and loud, as subhuman growls and thick gobs of drool keep spilling out.

He smiles down at you as he enters, worn out from a long day of being Jax Teller, the baddest motherfucker ever. He must be exhausted, no doubt.

But still his gorgeous grin is big and genuine, bright as the sun, his slicked hair such a brilliant blonde, eyes as deep and as blue as the ocean. Clearly pleased at the sight of your tail-wagging motion, a signal of your pure devotion.

"Happy to see me?" he teases playfully, as if he has to ask. Typical Jax.

You nod gleefully in response to that. Your perfect master reaches down to pat your head, stroking your hair now as you purr for him, showing how much you adore him, as his faithful little pet.

"That's a good slut," he coos. "Go on, you know what to do."

Lowering your face to the ground, as ever eager to go down, upon those words he speaks, you hurry to remove his shoes. Those famously white sneaks. Then tug his socks off with your teeth—damp with a long day's worth of sweat, getting you drunk on his intoxicating scent, the pure essence of Jackson—then press sloppy kisses all over his beautiful feet. Servicing him like this is everything you need.

Ugh, you've missed him so much... full of love and submission, arousal dripping from your crotch, you stuff his socks into your mouth both at once, then lift your face off of the floor and sit back on your heels in your usual kneeling position. Your paws are propped under your chin as you blink up at him. He knows just what you want.

"Look at you, cunt. You wanna play fetch?" he says, chuckling as you bob your dumb head eagerly up and down. It's so much fun when he rolls his sweaty socks into a ball and throws it all over the house, for you to chase around. Playing that game is such a privilege. "Hmm, I would... but I'm not in the mood. Master's too fucking tired. Too bad for you, bitch."

Aw. Too bad indeed. Wallowing in self-pity, you pout and hang your head in a deep bow, but you know better than to plead. He turns to walk away now, and you follow at his feet. Crawling as you are it's always hard to keep up with his speed.

He's yawning by the time you reach the master bedroom. Some nights he has more energy when he gets home. Sometimes he'd slam you up against the wall and fuck you hard in every hole, wild and savage as an animal, filling you with his thick creamy cum, so deliciously full...

Apparently not tonight, though. You can't blame him, you know. You can't blame Jackson Teller for any damn thing, to be honest. Of course not. Because he is your fucking king. Whatever he does, he's your master, your god; everything about his whole existence is flawless.

You watch in rapture as he strips naked, carelessly flinging his kutte and the rest of his clothes to the floor, and flops facedown in bed to lay his weary head to rest. Fit for the king he is, his bed is big and plush and luxurious. At this late hour, he's too tired to even bother with a shower, you notice. Fuck yes—that's how you like it best.

Hopefully he'll let you use your tongue to clean up all his glorious sweat. Then whenever he leaves next to take care of business, you'll still get to savor his scent in his absence, inhaling it off of the sheets and the mattress. Your thirsty mouth is watering just at the thought of it, as you scurry all over the bedroom to clean up his mess.

Gathering up all the clothes that he scattered, you can't help but take a deep breath. Inhaling the essence of this sinfully sexy bastard.

You indulge in a whiff, as you slobber and sniff—focusing on the pits of his shirt so damp and sweaty it's obscene, and the rich-smelling crotch of his jeans, soaking up all the musk of his cock and his balls and his ass which smells so good it hurts—and especially his underwear... before dutifully dropping them into the hamper, along with the socks that you brought from downstairs. Though you hate washing Jax's sweet scent off of anything, one of your chores, of course, is to take care of all the laundry for your master.

"Get over here, bitch. You should clean up after me faster," he scolds, dominant voice husky and low, somewhat muffled as his head is partially sunken into one of his deluxe pillows. "Did you just get distracted by sniffing my sweat? You're such a greedy, filthy fucking pet."

You instantly start whimpering in apology, overflowing with self-hatred as you hasten toward the foot of his bed. You would say sorry, in so many words, if you could, as you should.

But you can't, given that you're not human. And your master knows that of course. All you want is to worship his body, and show him you're sorry, but you need permission before you can move from your place on the floor...

"Crawl up onto the bed," he commands, well assured you will follow his orders as fast as you can. "Go ahead, you pathetic whore. Make yourself useful and worship my back. Can't you see I'm exhausted and need to relax?"

Oh, how you love when he lets out his inner beast and treats you to the absolute most savage side of Jax.

Though you also love when he is soft, when he treats you with sweet talk and cuddles you up... this is the side of him you adore even more. His abuse is just what you live for.

"I want a full body massage," he orders, as you set to work on his muscular shoulders. "Yeah, use those paws. And that dirty mouth of yours... so dirty... mmm, that's it, lick all the sweat off my body. Desperate fucking dog."

You don't need him to tell you—that is exactly what you're dying to do—but it's so much better when he does. So damn hot. It's insane just how much you get off on his dirty talk.

And he keeps going on as you worship his perfect physique. While your hands rub and knead every inch, your mouth traces a line down the smooth divine curve of his spine, running down the black ink of the reaper design, wet lips puckering into passionate kisses all over his dewy skin, slurping up each new bead of fresh sweat as it dribbles and leaks. Every so often, his degrading words and his delicious groans of pleasure cut to cruel sadistic laughter, whenever he wants to humiliate you for being such a freak.

That just makes you love him even more. You're his subhuman whore, reduced into a literal pig as the maddening scent and flavor of your master makes you fucking squirm, wriggling like a worm, every sound out of your throat a squeal or a squeak. His savage strength makes you so weak...

"Unghh God, you're such a fucking animal," he snarls as you salivate all over his sculpted muscles. "Get that worthless face lower down where you belong. Yeah, you know what you want. Suffocate in my asshole."

And that very instant, you do just as told. You wedge your whole damn head into the sacred space between his sweaty cheeks, diving in deep, digging for gold. It's salty and sweet and so so fucking hot. You don't even care whether you'll ever come up for air or not. He's everything you need and all you want to breathe. Your king Jax Teller is a motherfucking god...

When he growls and reaches back with both of his strong hands to push his palms against your skull and smash your face even deeper inside his crack, the pure aggression of the act gives you a goddamn heart attack.

Before you can even recover from that, he suddenly shifts—you gasp for a split second as his magnificent body lifts.

But the next thing you know, he is squatting low over your mouth, then sitting the fuck down till your tongue is lodged deep in his tight sweaty hole and his big heavy balls are completely smothering your snout.

Jax throws his head back with a guttural groan as he starts to grind, taking your mouth for a ride. You could die just from that fucking sound, from the taste, from the feel of his full body weight as he shudders and sighs, dominating your face. Degrading you just right. You could do this all night. Then he looks back down, bright blue gaze locking with your eyes, open wide, sex-crazed and lost in a mad loving daze.

Is this fucking real? Even as it happens, you honestly can't fathom how good it feels...

And there's no way that you wouldn't notice, in this position of pure bliss, your master's fucking enormous cock. While you drown in his ass, savoring your sweet feast, that massive piece of meat is throbbing right above you like a beast, hard as a rock.

"Fuuuck, that's it—eat my ass, you good-for-nothing pig..." Jax explosively grunts as his hot sphincter squeezes and strangles your tongue. "Look what you're doing to my dick. You're gonna make me fucking cum. That what you want?"

Ohhh Godddd...

He goes on before you can respond. "Well, that's just what you're gonna get. Ughh—such a good little pet..." he praises as he begins pumping himself, the pink tip of his dick giving off the rich scent of his juices, each sweet drop that glistens, all glossy and wet. Some of his precum drips to your forehead.

But that's not where his full load is going to land. No, that's all gonna go down your dirty whore throat. Jax then clutches the top of your head with one hand, fingers rooting hard into your scalp, making you gulp and gasp, as you suck on his ass, while his other fist jacks off his perfect dick, faster and harder with each fucking stroke. He's so hot it's a joke.

"Shit—gonna cum—take it, bitch... take it all till you choke..." he moans, pulling his ass swiftly off of your slobbering lips and then pressing the tip of his cock onto your twitching tongue. Blessing you with a huge load of sweet white hot cum. By this point you're struck dumb.

You can feel your eyes roll to the back of your skull, as you savor his flavor and swallow him whole. You are so goddamn grateful. Jackson Teller is feeding your body, your heart and your soul.

You're reminded right now of what you've always known: that you are his to own. He is more than human, so much more, all that you live for... and you are so much less and always have been. Falling in these roles just feels so fucking natural. He is a fucking god—everything you are not—and you're a fucking animal.

Once he is done using you as his subhuman cum dump, your master is gracious enough to let you clean him up. You wrap your lips around his flawless cock to lick and suck off every drop. Pressing French kisses all across his freshly drained balls and his perfect pink asshole. Hoping that your beloved master knows he's your entire world.

"Good girl," Jax sighs, as your face nestles in the space between his strong powerful thighs. "Bet you wish you could sleep with me here in this bed. But that would be wrong. Don't you know where you belong, you filthy little pet?"

Ah, yes—you could never forget. With a whimper of submissive bliss, you give your master one last kiss, right on the tip of his delicious dick. Admiring how even right after he came it’s still so stiff and throbbing and thick.

And then you climb off of his mattress and crawl into your tiny pet bed, set right by his nightstand. The spot where you're so blessed to sleep beside this divine god of a man. You curl yourself up nice and small, into a little ball, so you can fit. And all the while you're still squealing like a pig. You just can't help it.

The king of Charming huffs out one of his majestic snickers at the sound of you grunting and groveling, so low-down and pathetic. "Goodnight, pig."

Your heart flutters—so grateful and glad that he calls you that, just what you are to him, always will be... so fucking filthy... you know that he is pleased, and his pleasure is all that matters.

You already can't wait till the morning when he'll let you drink from his dick, hopefully. But till then you'll just sleep, knowing that all your dreams will be sweet, for you dream of one thing only: pleasing your master.

And you're living that dream, as unreal as it seems. Your real life is as good as it gets.

You'll go on forever loving every minute of living with Jax Teller—living for Jax Teller, now and forever—as his filthy fucking pet.

***************

… Sooo I know that was SUPER kinky shit, but I hope there are some filthy bitches who enjoyed it, and would love to hear if you did!! 😅❤️

– Main Masterlist

– Dirty Little Secret Masterlist

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jaeminscoffee · 4 years

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Hiraeth (m.)

Hiraeth - A homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.

Pairing - Jung Jaehyun x reader

Genre- Angst, Smut.

Word count - 3.37k (i got carried away while writing i am so sorry)

Warning- extremely thick skulled y/n, smut, unprotected sex (be cautious irl!), super angsty, not so happy ending. I felt like cutting a bitch throughout the writing process because of y/n.

(minors kindly try not to interact with my blogs!)

Summary- You walk away from the only home you were comfortable in.

Showing up at Jaehyun's house with tears running down your face isn't a new thing.

A habit that dated back to when the two of you were in the final year of high school. You found out the hard way that your excuse of a boyfriend had never really liked you. There, the one person who you found comfort in, Jaehyun was ready with his arms wide open, for you to come in so that he could hold you tight, only for you to slip out of his grip.

It was a thing between Jaehyun and you. Get your heart broken, heal it in each other's warmth, be fine for a while and then repeat.

Jaehyun was the least heartbroken among the two of you. He knew that you needed each other, not just at night, not just for relief, but to put both your broken pieces together. A little too late at realising that but at least he did. Unlike you.

The first night things got heated between the two of you, he had mentioned not wanting anything more than healing time with you, he was young, wild and stupid the day he said that and it stuck to you.

You're fine with that, it's doable until you see Jaehyun all over another female, seeking the same attention he'd wanted from you, you wanted him, you knew that, but the constant fear of having your heartbroken once again, made you turn deaf ears at almost everything he'd said till date, something along the lines of wanting more than just lust.

And it became a routine like that, but it was getting harder and harder for Jaehyun to just stand there and see you cry.

It wasn't even that you had deep feelings for him, it was just a mere infatuation you'd say, so thinking that he should reserve himself all for you was too much to ask for.

"Y/n" Jaehyun rasped out, flopping down beside your worn out body, watching as you drift away into your subspace the minute after he'd gotten you off.

"Y/n..?" Once again, this time, you turned around to face him, slightly nodding your head for him to continue, but he didn't. He looked straight at you, watching your glazed eyes with his eyebrows raised.

He said nothing, just pulled you in towards his sweat covered body, you didn't mind, it was the same with yours so it's fine.

The moment you felt his warmth the second time that night, platonically this time, you broke into a fit of sobs.

He pulled your body in closer, almost on top of his, "Am i that pathetic? Don't i have what it takes for someone to stay for longer than a month or so?" he shushed you, sitting up, resting his back on the headboard, pulling you into his lap, rocking you back and forth.

"I don't understand it, Jae. Is it my looks? Or my behavior? What about my attitude?-" you ask between hiccups, all rhetorical questions. But Jaehyun hates seeing you doubt yourself over guys you dated, even though you were way out of their league.

"I feel so awful Jae, i don't know what t-to think, i don't k-know what to say, i don't know a-anything and t-that makes me feel s-so, so awful-" he continued to rock you, pulling you in for a soft kiss, gulping down your choked sobs. "Don't princess, you know they're not worth it.. " and they really weren't, hell he wasn't sure if he was either.

But he knew you felt home with him, you were just.. A little scared. You needed someone to constantly remind you of your worth and he wanted to be that someone. "Jae, i don't want to be alone, i really don't want to, it-it hurts a little more each time."

You sob harder into the nape of his neck. "and you don't have to be, y/n..you have me" he said, but you were too occupied to hear him say it.

Minutes later, your sobs came to a halt, eyelids weighing down, tired from the intercourse before and the breakdown, but sober enough to hear Jaehyun pour his heart out.

Feeling your breath calm down, breathing now normal, Jaehyun let out a sigh, "You don't realize Y/n..I was, am and will forever be there for you. Just you're not in the state to take another confession. But until you're ready, know that I love you. I just wish we could turn back time so you wouldn't have just found comfort in my body.." and that's when you think he's exhausted from your constant crying.

And here you were, walking down the neighborhood to his house, a week after his confession, a week after you said something you regret, a week after you left him heartbroken.

You felt stupid, you've been pushing him away all along, maybe it was for the best, maybe it was because you felt he didn't need another burden as such, or maybe you really didn't feel anything for him. Maybe, just maybe.

It wasn't right from your end. Having the boy waste his life in mending your pieces. You didn't make it obvious that you heard his true feelings for you, but you gave hints.

You ring the bell, hearing a 'coming!' from the other end. You weren't crying, instead you had a huge smile on your face, that was a pleasant surprise for Jaehyun.

"Y/n, Hey" he said, opening the door wider to let you step in, instead the moment you see him, you crash your lip onto his, you needed this. He stumbled back from the impact, hands automatically finding your waist but he didn't return the action. And that made you conscious.

He tugged at your waist, pulling you back, catching his breath as you chased after his lips. "Jae, just-" you lean in again, "wait y/n no-" he pulled away yet again, now tears finally started to form by your waterline. "d-don't you want me anymore?" "y/n that's not it-" "is it the same reason as the other guys, Jae?-" "You know that's not it-" "I'm sorry I'm not good enough-" "y/n listen-" "Jaehyun i thought-" "for god's sake Y/n listen to me!" he screamed, gripping your shoulder, shaking you in order to get you out of your trance.

"Y/n listen to me.." his guilt starts kicking in, feeling bad that he shouted at you. "Why doesn't anyone like me Jae?" you ask, voice feeble.

"Let me do the talking and you just listen alright?" you hum back in response, letting him guide you towards the couch situated at the middle of his living room.

He pulled you into his lap after sitting down, something he did almost every day. "Why do you think no one likes you princess?" Jaehyun asked.

you lean forward, resting your head on his shoulder, "no one does, why would they? Reason you ask? Because I'm Y/n" you reply, your sobs not completely dying down, but a little less frequent than before. "I like you, Y/n. I don't know how much of it you're going to believe, but i really like you, because you're Y/n"

There it was, his second confession in the span of a week. "you don't. Y-you can't" you try getting up from his lap, but he held you down, he wasn't going to let you run away this time. "I do and I can. I always have Y/n" he pulled you back to look at your face, watching your expression contort into a frown. "you shouldn't Jae, I'm sorry-" "you say you want someone to stay for more than just a month, yet here you are, pushing me away". Jaehyun sighs as he sees you tearing up again. You shook your head, "I don't deserve you.. " "Stop deciding what i deserve and i don't, Y/n"

He took your hands into his, "you don't want to be heartbroken you said, so let me protect it, yeah?" he said, his voice soft. You think of it for a while,

You're gonna be heartbroken again.

He's the same as the others.

You don't deserve him

You're not worthy of having someone like him in your life.

He's saying it out of pity.

"No. I'm really, really sorry Jaehyun. You deserve so much better. I don't want you to be wasting your life on someone like me." you said, getting up from his lap, making your way towards the door, walking out before he could even stop you. And you made a promise to yourself that you'd never go back there again, because it will only end up, hurting both of you. Mainly Jaehyun.

But promises are meant to be broken, right?

So here you are, not even five days after the incident at Jaehyun's house, having pressed Jaehyun onto the wall the moment you stepped in with tear filled eyes. This time around though, he didn't resist. Maybe he knew something would change after today, something either beneficial for the pair of you, or something that'll leave you craving for each other's warmth once again

Kissing, turned make out session as the tables turned, you up by the wall, Jaehyun had his crotch pressed against yours. The kiss wasn't rushed, it was rather slow, lust flowing from your end and feelings from his as he swiped his tongue against your bottom lip for access, which you gladly granted him.

"Y/n.." he moaned out against your lips, as your hands, oh so softly made its way down his chiselled chest, to his toned middle, finally at his erection. Before you could slip your hands into his grey sweats, he took a hold of your hand, breaking the kiss as the two of you gasped for air, his hands gripped the back of your thighs, adding pressure there signaling you to jump and you obliged.

With you in his arms, head buried in his neck, marking territory, he made his way to his room, opening the door with one hand, carefully not to drop you. "Jae..hurry" you said, giddy from the feeling between your legs. Jaehyun stumbled his way into the room, closing the door behind him, as he walked towards the bed "Patience, baby".

He placed you down on the bed softly, placing a soft kiss on your lips before leaving a trail of kisses from the back of your ear, to your neck, nibbling at a particular spot where you let out a louder moan.

He pulled back, looking straight into your eyes, lifting you up slightly to remove the shirt from over your head. No matter how many times he's seen you naked before, he still couldn't get over how ethereal you looked, he wanted to prove it to you that you're much more than you credit yourself for, but you wouldn't let him, not with words that is, so he retorted to actions instead.

He resumed leaving wet kisses from your breast, his hands making its way behind you, reaching for the hook of your bra, which he skilfully undid.

The moment the material slid off your shoulder, he attached his lips onto your perked up bud, shivers running down your spine one, due to the sudden exposure and two because of the circles he drew with his tongue. "Oh fuck.." moans after moans left your mouth as he gave equal attention to the neglected breast, twirling the bud between his fingers, while sucking on the other.

Jaehyun let out a growl due to your constant squirming, "Stay still, princess" he held you firm against the sheets, "then hurry up, Jae.. Please" you retort, impatiently. His hand left your chest, making its way down the side of your body, towards the waistband of your jeans, pulling it down and off your ankle before discarding it somewhere behind him.

He lowered himself just a bit, to let his fingers slide into your panties in a more comfortable angle, feeling the wetness soak through the material "Fuck baby, you're so wet.." Jaehyun rasped, sighing in content as he felt how wet you were for him just from his kisses. He started drawing slow, long eights onto your clit, as you jerk forward, finally getting some attention in the part you needed it the most. "So so eager for me".

There's something about his voice, that has this impact on you, deep and low, admiration and equal want dripping from it.

"Ah! Jae, god-" you whimper, as he fastens his pace, you could've gotten off just that, but you wanted more. And he sensed that. Jaehyun collected some of your essence before sliding in a finger, pulling it out and putting it back in along with another finger, finding a steady pace in pumping in and out of you.

"Yes, baby just like that..fuck" you let out. He curled his fingers inside you, finding the spot that always had you come undone in seconds, but you held it in a little longer, wanting to savour the feeling of his fingers brushing against your wall.

When it got too much to hold in, you let out a loud moan, almost screaming even, coming undone, continuously chanting Jaehyun's name as he helped you ride out your orgasm, cooing at you when he kept going, the feeling a little overwhelming as you'd just gotten off.

"You're doing so good baby, you can take one more right?" he asked, not wanting to push your limits, pumping in a slower pace to not make it painful, which backfired. You were occupied with letting out lewd noises, unable to choke out a yes even, so you nod your head. He kissed your temple, resuming at the same pace, adding pressure onto your sensitive bud with his thumb, you thrashing around, still worn out from the last orgasm.

His pace quickened, attaching his lips back onto your nipples, throwing you off the edge as you came undone for the second time that night, this orgasm being much more powerful than the last, tears trickling down your cheek "Jaehyun! "

He removed his hands from your core, standing up from the bed, placing it into his mouth, you watch him clean your juice from his fingers, squirming at the sight in front of you. Gasping for air, trying to stop your thighs from shaking, you look back up, seeing Jaehyun looking at you with so much fondness, but still fully dressed.

"Unfair, h-how I'm the only one naked here" you breathe out, only now releasing the death grip you had on the sheets. Jaehyun let out a chuckle, tugging his black shirt over his head and onto the floor, "Better?" he asked, clearly teasing. "no! Pants, off!" you whine out, though tired, you still wanted to feel him inside you. Just this once.

Jaehyun wanted to waste no more time, immediately sliding his sweats off along with his boxer. Satisfied that he's just as bare as you, you sit up, crawling forward and tugging his hands, pulling him down onto the bed. Jaehyun realised what you wanted to do, so he held you by the waist firm onto the sheets shaking his head.

"But Jae-" you start your complaint, "no, let me take care of you" he said, cutting you off, looking with an almost pleading look, straight into your soul. You can't say no to that and so you nod.

He placed one last kiss at the corner of your lips, turning back, reaching out to the side drawer to get a condom, you stop him. "Go raw.. It's fine" you say, voice hoarse from all the moaning. You see the doubt in his eyes, "are you sure?" he asked, voice soft. You give him an assurance that it's fine, as he positioned himself above you, one hand pumping his shaft, preparing to slide in, the other keeping his body from colliding on top of yours.

Jaehyun looked at you as he aligned himself by your entrance, the tip poking in, your eyes shut tight to embrace yourself, "Look at me when i enter you, baby" he said, stopping half way in.

You try moving your hips forward to take him in whole, but he pulled his hips back, and so you had no other choice than to force yourself to keep your eyes open. "such a good girl" he whispered by your ears, slowly sliding in the entire length with ease. He let out a groan from the tightness of your walls, slowly pulling out, and back in, to see if you were still sensitive from the previous two orgasms.

Upon finding no signs of discomfort, he let himself pull out once again, slamming in with much force than before. "Fuck, Jae!" you moan out, a chain of curses leaving both of your lips. "how are you still this tight, baby?" Jaehyun growled, picking up a faster pace. You find yourself getting closer to the edge faster than you expected, clenching around his length a little more frequently than before, him letting out rough sounds at the feeling he felt around his member.

"J-jae-" was all you could get out, fingers dragging down his back, gripping harder when you felt his fingers find your clit once again "i know, can you hold it in just a little longer? I-fuck.. I'm close too" he picked up his pace, looking at you as your face scrunched up when you felt his tip brush against a particular spot, squirming and nodding your head nevertheless.

"Fuck baby.. I'm so close.. So so close" his fingers fastened the circles on your clit, his member twitching inside of you.

Jaehyun looked at you, you immediately knew what the question was going to be so you nod again. "c-come in me baby.." that was the final string, and you felt him release his seeds into your already dripping core, you following suit. He helped the two of you ride out your highs.. Slipping out panting, as you whine at the sudden loss of warmth, getting up, giving you a kiss on your forehead, before making his way towards the washroom.

You did it again.

You went back to him when you promised you wouldn't. And you realised that a little too late.

You were going to hurt him again.

When he returns back from the washroom with a wet cloth in his hand, he finds you there, spaced out, tears once again making its way out of your eyes. He knew where this was going to go. Nevertheless, he made his way towards you. He placed the cloth, prying your thighs apart as you flinch away from his touch, taken off guard.

"Just..let me clean you" he said and started cleaning you up. Face to your legs, cleaning all evidence of the previous activity.

You sit up once he's done, bending down and taking his shirt, pulling it over your head, and sitting back down. Jaehyun walked out of his closet, in shorts and a new shirt, sitting beside you.

"Y/n.." he starts.

"Don't, Jaehyun.." your voice cracking,

"Why are you doing this to yourself..?" Jaehyun asked, clearly frustrated now.

"Because i don't want to be heartbroken Jae-" you say the same old reason again, he wasn't buying any of it.

"Is it really being heartbroken that scares you or catching feelings?" he asked, raising his voice just a bit as he watched you get out of the bed, picking up your jeans that were previously thrown away, pulling it up your leg. You didn't respond to his question. But gave him the same look you gave five days ago. "I'm sor-" you start as you start making your way towards his door.

"And you're running away..once again" he cut you off. You stood still by the door, scared to turn back and look at him.

You hear Jaehyun let out a sigh.

"Do you regret it?" he asked in a deep, soft voice.

This would do the work.

"Yes. I'm sorry Jae." and you walk out of the door and out onto the streets, already feeling homesick as you walk away from the only home you felt comfortable in.

Jaehyun stared plain at the ceiling, feeling a tear slip out of his eyes, down his cheek

Unrequited love is such a bitch.

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 3 years

Text

I’m sorry

I’m sorry to my followers, my mutuals, and most of all, to put I call friends. I’m so, so sorry

I know at least one person’s going to want to reblog this, saying that I’m not a shitty person. Well, this post is for you I guess. I hate just being here, trying to convince myself and others that I’m a good person, but really I’m not. I’ve ruined potential friendships and actual friendships over and over again. All because I want people to validate me, because I want people to pay attention to me, because I think that what I think needs to be shared with everyone.

I’ve wasted people’s energy, time, and I think I might have ruined at least one person’s offline life because I thought I could help them when I had no place to do so.

If for whatever reason you don’t think I’m awful after this, well I guess I can’t stop you. But I hope that this might finally get people to recognize that I’m not someone worth supporting. Enjoy my content if you want, but don’t pretend that I am, by myself, an enjoyable person.

1. My “contribution” to the Zoophobia fandom

You know, there’s nothing on my blog that I’m more ashamed of than my Zoophobia critiques? Back when I first started on tumblr, my pretentious ass thought that I was going to be super special and become “a zp critic who didn’t hate Vivziepop and enjoyed her content”.

Yes, I was that up my own ass.

At the time, the only zp critics I knew of were the ones on the bad wiki forums and the late Zoophobia Critiques account. Which, for the record, I still agree that a lot of the criticism gave there was super spiteful and overblown. I gave the excuse that we could learn how to improve our own writing by analyzing works we love when I was criticizing a 4 and a half chapter webcomic the creator wasn’t proud of.

You know, I’m at a loss for how nobody has called my critiques out for being misinformed, disorganized, poorly spelt, and like someone who just heard of writing criticism and was parroting stuff they heard on a YouTube video. My criticism of how Addison’s ptsd was handled was disgusting, and my criticism of Jack was vague and was clearly a reach.

And my non critical Zoophobia content wasn’t even that good. I made a bunch of nothing posts that only discussed a couple or one character ever, and they were so stupid.

Then there’s how I acted during the pre Hazbin Hotel Vivziepop drama. You know, where I acted like a deluded three year old? Voicing “my concerns”, and totally not babbling a bunch of nonsense and pushing it onto others. I remember how one former mutual of mine, Lisaury, rightfully “burst my bubble” (that’s how they put it) by pointing out my flawed information.

I honestly don’t blame Lisaury for never talking to me again. God, I barely spoke to her to begin with. Just sent her worthless post after worthless post.

My “criticisms” of Vivziepop were idiotic at best, and now? Zoophobia and criticism of it may have resurfaced thanks to Bad Luck Jack, but this only made me realize how nothing my posts were.

Other critics would just call me a wishy washy sheep, and fans would rightfully see me as an idiot if I posted now what I posted then. Ever since the short, I’ve been fearful of someone finally pointing out my bullshit, making it clear to everyone how awful my content was. And I feared it because I knew it was true. I just didn’t want other people to realize it.

Fuck, you’d at least expect someone to notice how much of a dickhead I was when critiquing people’s fanfics.

2. Art / characters

In 2020, someone invited me to join an art discord, and I created an account to do so. This discord had actual artists, many who had been to art school. So when my self taught, delusional self posted art into a criticism channel, they rightfully tore it to shreds. Called it out for the lacklustre, mediocre anime garbage it was. Gave me advice, and pointed out exactly what was wrong with it. One person made a very accurate description of it. “It looks like something someone drew on those shitty phone apps without a pencil”. And they were right.

And how did I react?

I had a meltdown, deleted a bunch of my art and posts, ran crying to a bunch of people, desperate for validation, because I, someone who made criticism posts, couldn’t handle actual criticism. And the same group rightfully called me out on it. I lost the log in info for my first account, so I don’t interact with that group anymore, but I should have listened. They rightfully pointed out how all my male characters looked like traps and how my art lacked any artistic skill. And what did I do? I screenshoted what they said and showed it to others, like “omg, pity me!”

I can’t look at my old art without wanting to vomit. I still can’t understand how anyone can enjoy what I make, despite people telling me that they do. Especially when they make better art than I ever could.

And despite how shit it looks, I just shove art and all posts I make in people’s face, because they “have to look at it and pay attention to it”

3. Such a great “friend”

I don’t have conversations with people anymore. The majority of my Tumblr conversations are filled with me sending post after post after post, weeks with just my fucking stupid posts, because they totally matter so much. I barely have any conversations with anyone anymore, and I don’t even return the favour of reblogging their content. Because after all, I need my friends with bigger follow counts to reblog my stuff. That’s the only way my posts get attention and I get validation, after all. Seriously, look at posts reblogged by eclecticcoyote, and compare the notes there to those he doesn’t.

If I didn’t constantly send people like him posts, expecting a reblog, I probably wouldn’t have followers. I know my content wouldn’t get any attention without his help, and I feel disgusting because it just feels like I’m taking advantage of someone’s audience.

Although it’s probably better I don’t talk to people whatsoever. One friend I have... well had, I don’t expect him to contact me ever again. I’ll refer to him as B for now. B was dealing with issues related to his mental health and offline life. I initially reached out to him after he made a post about having no friends

And then I didn’t message him for a while and was surprised when he told coyote that he felt like I didn’t care about him.

I started crying at him like “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” (no I’m not kidding). I ended up talking with him through several emotional break downs, because I didn’t want him to kill himself. I had the nerve to talk like I knew what I was talking about during those times. I gave unhelpful advice, like “go for a run”, “punch a pillow”, etc. Hell, one time, I had the audacity to say that it felt impossible to talk to him because it didn’t seem like he wanted to listen to people trying to help him, and that he only heard what he wanted to hear.

And I shoved my personal issues onto him as well. Because, again, my life is so important.

Then, at some point he developed feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way about him. And at this point, he sees me as one of the people who have helped him out the most with his issues (ironic, considering how I likely just made his life worse). So, what did I do when he confessed to me?

Oh, you know, instead of being mature and responsible, I panicked, got another friend involved because “I don’t know how to deal with this 😭😭😭”, made B upset and depressed all over again, and I basically got someone else involved in what was a personal moment for him, betraying his trust and throwing privacy out the window.

I tried to apologize the next morning, but it was too late. I honestly hope he doesn’t try to contact me again, and realize that I have, and can only make his life worse.

I constantly keep freezing out friendships on here by not actually talking to people and just sending them post after post. Recently, one person who reached out to me and tried to be my friend? Looking at past conversations with her, I come off as disinterested in her and dismissive. I might not have intended to, but...

Oh, and then Coyote invited me to his discord server. I recently started deleting all my posts on there, so that nobody would have to waste time scrolling through my bullshit. I shit you not, I would go on essay long tangents about my characters and art, while, comparatively, the attention I gave to others’ content was close to none. And in the first couple months there? I still tried to help people when I clearly couldn’t.

For fucks sake, I even dragged people there into my own personal irl drama when they didn’t need it. The night I self harmed in front of my parents, I should have kept it to myself because I. Knew. That people there would become distressed by it. But nope, because my problems are so important.

I would say dumb shit that ended up upsetting people, I would post over people, and overall just act like a self entitled, annoying bitch.

Just yesterday? Someone I considered my friend shared an image of some characters of hers that were in a polyamourous relationship. And what did my dumbass do?

“You know, I find people in poly relationships admirable bc I have trouble hanging out with more than one person irl bc lol social anxiety and lalala, lemme make this all about meee~!”

And then someone replied saying that they don’t understand poly relationships but support them, then I’m pretty sure the who posted the picture got uncomfortable at that point.

And wouldn’t you know it, recently that person announced that they were taking a break, which hey fine, and they mentioned that some of the stuff said on the discord was upsetting them.

Gee, I wonder who contributed to that?

And then there’s my constant validation seeking, me being silly during situations where the person needs me to be serious, my overall inability to respond in a way someone should whenever people don’t enjoy things I suggest or share...

Look, maybe I’m overreacting and being stupid. Wouldn’t surprise me. I currently have no friends outside of discord and tumblr, and I’m constantly disappointing my family and everyone around me by always failing at everything no matter what.

I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t even know if this is just me attempting to get validation or what.

I just... can’t do anything. I can’t trust myself to do anything. If someone requests that I do something, then fine I guess, but

I don’t want to hurt anyone else

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chrysalispen · 4 years

Text

Prompt #23 - Shuffle

AO3 Link HERE

this was actually going to be a whole... uh, thing, but i have irl responsibilities today so it’ll have to chill in ffxivwrite as a wip basically XD

========

“Whose turn is it to deal?”

“Mine,” Aurelia said, setting down the wine glass. She raised her brows and pointed a finger at Nero. “And I’d wipe that grin off my face were I you.”

“Should I?” His grin didn’t waver even an ilm. “At least I’ve still my stockings on.”

“And I’m doing better than both of you,” Cid chimed in. "Must say I'm rather surprised at you, Nero."

"Many things surprise you, Cidolfus."

For once, Cid didn’t rise to the obvious bait. “You’re usually better than I am at games of chance. One would almost think you’re trying to lose.”

“Well, someone has to watch the eikon-slayer, you know. I'm keeping her honest.” He flopped back against the pillows to reach for his own glass, sitting near untouched on the side table. “Given all of her other sundry talents, I’d not be surprised to find out she’s actually a damned card-sharp on top of aught else-”

“Nero Scaeva,” Aurelia pressed her hand to the scar between her bared breasts, “are you calling me a cheat?”

“Obviously not, sweetling. I’m calling you an awful cheat. There’s a difference.”

“Just because you decided to fold rather than call my bluff-”

“Hush,” Cid chided. “Both of you. Unless you’d like to wake the rest of the team.”

“What, you don’t plan on dealing Biggs in?” Nero reached for the bottle to refresh his glass. “Or Wedge? Now there’s a pity, truly. I could have tricked him into wagering an upgrade to that gods-awful teakettle his girlfriend insists is a modern magiteknological marvel.”

"What are you on about, Nero? There’s nothing wrong with the Boilmaster.”

“Certainly not. Not a thing wrong with it. Other than a laughable inability to make anything approaching drinkable coffee, which is the entire blasted point of an automatic kettle.”

“Not Wedge’s fault you’re as picky as you are insufferable.”

“All right, children, all right. Let’s get on with it. Here, Scaeva, you can watch me cut the deck.” Aurelia split the deck in half, tilted her thumbs inward to form a bridge, then let the cards fall interleaved. The sharp sound of card stock falling in place filled the silence. She did it once, twice, then cut the deck while they watched. “There. Satisfied?”

“Not until I win.”

“You’ll be waiting a long time.”

Cid made a vague gesture with his glass before downing its dregs. “And the sooner we start, the sooner the outcome. Deal us in, lass.”

The trio sat in a few moments of silence watching the casual, practiced way she dealt, the cards flying from her fingers with deft aplomb to land in three piles of five.

“You look an old hand at that,” Nero said. Aurelia paused to study her hand, her expression the very picture of neutrality as she shuffled two of the cards in her hand into a different position.

“I played a great deal of whist, as it happens.”

He raised an index finger.

“Before we begin with another round of betting: I have a proposal,” he began. “What say we make this interesting?”

“We’re sitting about playing cards in naught but our underthings and one of the others could walk in while you sit two bad hands from losing your smalls, and that isn’t interesting enough for you?”

“Boldly stated for a woman who is one set of cute little lacy knickers away from utter defeat." Catching Cid's impatient huff, he continued: "Anyroad- since it’s late we'll make this the last hand of the night. Whoever folds or otherwise loses is subject to the whims of the rest of the table.”

“In other words, the loser must do anything they are bid?”

“Correct.”

“So if you lose, then you have to come travelling with me for a week as my humble questing assistant, to do any chore I bid you no matter how demeaning-”

“Well, yes. In theory. But I must admit I had rather a different set of hypothetical circumstances in mind.”

“Did you? And that would be... what, precisely?” She expected another sardonic rejoinder, perhaps a fresh barrage of innuendo from the usual suspect. She didn’t get one. The two men exchanged the most devious pair of grins she’d seen on either of them yet, prompting her own suspicious squint. “...I think I mislike that look. What are the pair of you planning?”

“That’s for us to know-”

“-and you to find out.”

Aurelia’s brows raised.

“Very well. Consider your bluff called, gentlemen. I accept your terms- but remember that you have to beat the house." She shot them a mysterious smile of her own, then pinched two cards from her hand and held them aloft between her knuckles with all the flourish of a dealer at one of the Gold Saucer tables. "Now. Call, raise, or fold?”

#ffxivwrite2020 #prompt 23: shuffle

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an-ambivalent · 5 years

Text

Oath Of Desires: Epilogue

Synopsis: [Yandere! Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung] [Poly AU]

It had only been them three for a long time. Not one person more, not one person less – just Jungkook, Taehyung and [Name].

Jungkook was elated when Taehyung and [Name] told him that they had become a couple. He literally could not have been happier.

They were his favourite couple, and he loved them both…. A little too much.

When there was a hindrance in Taehyung and [Name]’s relationship which caused them to fall apart, Jungkook was distraught. Afterwards, when he realized the depths of his love for his ‘friends,’ Jungkook made an oath of his dark desires – he was going to do whatever it took to get them back together. And this time, he was also going to become part of their relationship.

Warning: As this story contains yandere themes, the characters display behaviors that can be triggering or uncomfortable to read. Read at your own risk. This work is purely fiction. I do not believe any of the mentioned members would display any sort of this behaviour irl.

___________

With his whole being,

He believed her to be his.

With the first devil gone,

It opened the door for the next.

___________

Morning was reaching its end. So, with afternoon being on the brink of the horizon, and the sun reaching its highest point in the sky for the day, it hinted at the time to be around midday. While the day outside consisted of bright and warm weather with sun radiating its brilliance, the interior within the walls that confined them, almost felt suffocating; it was dark, grim, and smothering.

With a plane of clear glass being the only thing standing in their way, it separated them from one another, and deprived them from the desperately wanted touch of the other. Dark mahogany eyes that were killed off all life unless they were staring into her sorrow etched ones, gazed into her eyes as if her eyes were his only saving grace left.

With his long and rough shaggy hair hovering over his face, and overcasting a shadow over his eyes, he was guided on his seat by a guard, and he sat on it dully. His hands were bound by tight hand-cuffs that dug into his wrists. He was clad in a colour he never really dressed in before, but was forced to wear all the time now: bright hideous orange.

With a certain apathy lingering in his actions, Taehyung picked up the white wired landline that hung on the wall beside him, and brought it to his ear. [Name], who had been sitting on the side of the wall where people were still allowed their freedom, followed his actions.

They stared at each other with longing stares. While no words left either one’s lips for a few moments, their eyes conveyed a thousand words worthy of their feelings, and regrets.

[Name] felt her chest tighten. A lingering of regret, guilt, pity, anger, and many other feelings she could never express to anyone but Taehyung, weighed heavily on her chest.

There were so many things she wanted to say, so many apologies she wanted to give -- she was sorry for ever bringing Jungkook into their lives, she was sorry for bearing and birthing the child that did nothing but remind them of the scars they bore of their traumatizing past; she was sorry for being the only one to be given the chance to pursue happiness, and moving on without Taehyung, for being able to look forward to the future, while he still was repenting his actions of the past that happened because she was too weak, because he ended up killing Jungkook and being punished for it for her sake--

Everything -- she was sorry for everything. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many apologies she wanted to give, but alas, none of these words slipped past her lips.

Her bottom lip quivered and tears were close to prickling the corners of her eyes; however, she held herself back from crying.

“Hey Taehyung, sorry it's been a while since my last visit,” [Name] greeted softly, and in response, he gave her a small smile.

She hated his smile, and she hated herself. The way Taehyung looked at her, with his eyes full of love, it disgusted her.

She wanted to ask him; after everything that has happened, how could he stare at her like that? How could he still be in love with her?

“Hey [Name]. I’m glad you could finally spare some time for me. Your new lover -- what was his name? Jimin? Seems like he’s always keeping you quite busy,” He replied, and as he finished speaking, his smile had morphed into a wide grin that was stretched entirely from one ear to the other. The forcefulness of it, and the passive-aggressive stab of his words caused [Name] to wince.

“Tae, you know it's not like that--”

“How could you even love someone else [Name]?! I'm in here, suffering alone, because I killed Jungkook to protect you! The least you should have done is wait for me to get out of this hell and build our lives together instead of moving on by yourself! And that’s not even the worst part. You know what really pisses me off? After everything that asshole did, you still went ahead and brought the spawn of that satan into this world. It should have been me! For everything, you’re supposed to be with me! It should be us that should be together, it should’ve been my child you brought into this world, and it should be us that should be a family. You shouldn’t be with anyone else but me--”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything Taehyung. I-- I didn’t want to love someone else, I-I didn’t want to have his child but that baby is mine too! And-- and, I can’t forget that before the entire mess with Jungkook, you had cheated on me! You were so awful to me during that time Taehyung, I can’t just forget about what happened--”

“YES YOU CAN! Are you still hung up on that?! How many times have I apologized and said I won’t do it again--”

Taehyung was interrupted amidst his breakdown by the guard next to him who glared at him.

“Your time is up. You need to return to your cell now,” He demanded authoritatively. Taehyung whipped his head towards him and growled. Then, he snapped his gaze towards [Name] and glared at her harshly.

“Enjoy your new lover and your baby while you still can. Once I get out of here, I’ll be coming for you, because you belong to me. No one, not Jungkook, his baby, Jimin or anyone else will keep you away from me any longer. I’ll kill them all like I killed Jungkook. Then, you’ll be mine once more,” Taehyung screamed, as he was forcefully dragged away from the glass by the guard, and attempted to struggle in hopes to break out his restraints. Of course, his efforts were fruitless when it came to escaping.

However, his efforts of making sure his words left a mark on [Name], were successful.

The absolute look of fury and rage, the feeling of betrayal, and sworn promises of revenge swimming in his eyes, was the last thing [Name] saw as he disappeared from her sight.

Flashbacks of all the awful things that Jungkook had done to her flashed before her eyes like an endless torturing movie. Anxiety pooled in the pit of her stomach, and involuntarily, her entire body began to tremble.

Fear, which she had not felt since Jungkook had tried to stab her, returned to house itself in her nerves once more. It was fear of what had happened, and what was going to happen.

Taehyung was punished for murder, but it was not going to be forever since he had done it to protect them. And so, once he did get out, and knowing that he was a man of his words, [Name] was enslaved to live in awaiting the moment when history was going to repeat itself. However instead of Jungkook, this time, it was going to be Taehyung who had sworn an oath to hurt her if she refused to fulfill his desires and be his.

___________

THE END

Oath of Desires is officially completed. I will most likely publish a trivia thing to share fun facts about the story etc once I can gather all of my thoughts. When I first started this story, this was not the ending I had in mind, but its what felt right. Writing this epilogue surprisingly made me quite anxious? I couldn’t get it done until I had some alcohol to help me relax lol.

Anyway, if you happen to have any questions about the series, I will be happy to answer them. I admit some things might be confusing, abrupt, or unclear so feel free to ask anything and share your thoughts about the series.

Thank you for joining me on this journey, it has been an emotional ride. And thank you for your patience with this chapter, I’m so sorry it took me so long to put out. Thank you for all of your support and reading; this has been one of my most popular series on Tumblr, and I’m very grateful to all of my readers (aka you) for contributing to its success and your support.

Have a pleasant day / night.

With love,

ambi ♥

#yandere bts #yandere x reader #bts smut #jungkook x reader #bts poly au #taehyung x reader #jimin x reader #yandere jungkook #yandere taehyung #yandere kpop #bts x reader #yandere bts x reader #yandere bangtan #yandere imagines #oath of desires #epilogue #taekook x reader #ambivalent writes

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swoopy-phantom · 5 years

Text

Minecraft Lore Time

Thanks to new ideas and updates in recent years, I’ve thought Minecraft to be purgatory. You are dead. You died in the real world. And so god has created a new one for you, just like many others. When you create a new world you are looking at it from god’s view when she is making your world. Choosing the assets and distinct features... she knows what you might and might not like. When you die you wake up in purgatory, like nothing ever happened in real life. You find yourself in the wilderness, forced to gather materials and start a new life. The angels watching over you in purgatory also helped create this world. They don’t look like the “ideal” angel though.. no. They are tall and lanky and will fight even you if it’s meant to keep yourself safe from the dangers of the world. They almost look like- wait.

is that..?

a zombie? why is it.. oh no.

You scramble to find a light source in the piercing dark veil of the night. Anything. Anything to fight off these horrible creatures.

These are your demons.

The Endermen come and in a way they protect you. They work with the phantoms. You see in this world you are meant to believe it IS the real world. Doing everything you’d do as normal. But something, in case you haven’t guessed, is wrong. It’s all wrong...

Where did my friends go..?

Where is everyone...?

You are alone.

The Endermen make sure you live a normal life. Or what they perceive as normal. Whatever god thought was normal when she was creating this world for you and giving the angels instructions. You are to eat, sleep, explore, and build maybe. Building extraordinary things. So long as you eat every day and sleep every night. You could die from natural causes such as starvation, or fall to your death from the highest point just from tripping and being clumsy. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing when night falls because that is when the demons come out whether you like it or not, and the angels are there among them. They make sure you go to sleep regularly and you’re not thinking too much about this world. They want you to think it is the real world. When you look at them curiously and start asking yourself questions, you are thinking too much. Don’t look at them because you will become curious and they will become angry. They’ll kill you if it means you’ll just go to sleep for the night. The phantoms have the same goal in mind. They’re just another form of “angels”.

The villagers are another aspect that’s just not right.. maybe when creating them in your image god maybe slipped up... somewhere. What is.. heh. Their noses... haha, and those heads. They’re like people.

What is.. oh? I’m sorry, I don’t have this kind of currency yet. Let me get some. Oh! There’s a farmer! Maybe he’d like some of the crops I grew at home.. maybe carrots? Here you are. And now I have emeralds to buy those books. But.. ugh. They’re in a different language. No matter. I just need a quill. Now where did that chicken go...

The villages were made in the image of cities. Unfortunately there is no technology, only magic in this world. Unless you find a way to become skilled with that red stone stuff, I don’t think you’ll be getting any closer to “modern” anytime soon. Now since there is magic, you must be able to get it and use it as you please.

What is.. oh! A cleric! You must make potions! How do I get one? Forged in.. what fire? Hell? Demons?? What are you talking abou- oh the rod.. oh. Oh.

Of course the magic will be hard to harness for yourself. Once you grab hold of it, keep it on a leash. And use it responsibly. Do not let the angels become aware. Deep in the caves you find the black stone the cleric spoke of, and light it like a fire, just like his instructions said to do. A mysterious gateway opens. It is very ethereal looking. It fits right into this world. This is your first use of magic. “Armor up” the cleric had garbled to you, for their language is much different. With your armor on and your sword ready, you walk into the gateway. Feeling dizzy, you find yourself almost immediately in hell. If only it weren’t so.. hot. You start sweating under your armor, but know you must keep it on. There is a.. oh god. What is that thing. Is it a squid? No, those are back in the ocean. I don’t think any kind of water life could survive a second here. It almost looks like a ghost. Why is it sad?

These are the ghasts. Unable to understand the cleric’s language, instead it came out as “ghast” rather than “ghost” and so that is what you call them. Hey.. it’s oka- WHAT THE HELL?!

He shoots a fireball at you, repelling any vivid emotions again. He is angry, and wants nothing to do with you. Do not pity him. If you do not stop looking at him right now you will die. You put your sword up in defense and- it fires back. You’ve shielded yourself. Successfully too. The fireball hits the ghast and you become locked into this kind of fight. Watch your step, do not fall into the ocean of lava below. There we go now just one more.. and it is dead. Tears..? Why do I feel stronger? Was that it’s soul that I just absorbed? I’ll save these tears for later. They almost seem crystallized. There is more ahead. You see a castle- no. A fortress. The yellow things.. they’re blazing hot! Blazing with fire.. what in the- Blazes. They are the Blazes you were told of. And you had to kill them. You rush forward with the mighty strength of the ghast in your soul and with the might of your sword you start cutting them up. One by one, gathering enough of what seems to be their spines for your brewing stand. The guards have been alerted. They are charred from the fires of this world.. poor things. Some of the lava and brimstone seems to have come to life in a big chunk. There are.. pigs? Men? We’ll call those pigmen. They must be guarding something too. Just do not interfere with their work, or you will be in a world of trouble. Is that.. oh no. The angels. Quick, find the warts for the magic and get back home. You stumble out of the portal, feeling dizzy as a drunk. Your home is just over there.. time for sleep, I guess. In the morning, you run to the tower you prepared for the magic you will be harnessing. You take the stone, the spines.. better crush some up for fuel. Everything needs power from somewhere. And it works. You place it on the countertop, grab your glass bottles. I guess these magics in bottles will need a base, huh? where was that river... oh right. These are going to be called potions, as the cleric had told you before your adventure. They are like spells, just drink the disgusting mixture instead. You pull out the fences, the sand of souls, and those warts you were told to grab. Do not step on the souls, you will sink and seem to walk slower, for they are pulling you in with them. These warts will be for future potions. Good thing you can grow them here. Now, what was the order? Oh right. Better hang up this chart he gave me for all of the possible potions to make. Let’s see.. the base. You place the water bottles into the slots of the stand. Now into the infuser these warts go.. it’s working! Now what? I have my base.. what would I need most right now?

You’re jumping so high you’re like a rabbit! And you don’t even get hurt! Now to fix my garden up. There’s no one here but.. it’s just for myself. And maybe if I can find an animal companion one day. Never thought you’d become a flower picker and potion maker, huh? This is nice... I could live like this for a long time...

—————————————————

Unfortunately.. there is another type of being in this world. The poor souls who are stuck in purgatory and decide that if they are dead, then everything else must die with them. God treats everyone fairly in this world. But sometimes she must punish.

—————————————————

Now, when you are creating your world, you are essentially creating it in God’s view. When you are choosing what you would prefer the world to look like and what seeds to pick for yourself, that is God looking at your souls and seeing what kind of person you were when you were alive. She is creating the world specifically for you. Choosing every individual setting for you. And her way of “punishing” you for being an awful person during your lifetime would be setting the monster level to “hard.” There are complications to this.. like how LDShadowLady is a wonderful person irl (this talk of “awfulness” has nothing to do with her) but she decided to play the One Life series, where it is on hardcore mode. This obviously in now way determines her morality lol. Same with the HermitCraft people! They are all wonderful. But just because they play on harder levels and do some of the things I’m about to explain and talk about, does NOT in ANY WAY determine their morality. They’re just having fun :’) But, all in all, Minecraft is just a game in the end. We are all just passionate. Back to the lore!!

—————————————————

Now the more heated people in purgatory are obviously going to be dangerous to some degree. Slaughtering everything that comes at them in the night. They don’t sleep, barely eat enough to sustain them, and collect every head the slice off, every bit of rotten flesh from the deceased souls and beings... they collect the glass eyes of the angels they fell, and the protective layers (membranes) and skins of the phantoms they slay. They end up taking over the Nether, making their homes there and literally living in hell. Using it as they please.

They have become too powerful.

God sends and obstacle their way. A withered being of sorts.. my goodness. It’s huge! Why does it have three hea- OH MY GOD. It throws a head at you! This thing is obviously dangerous.. use your bow and arrows! Dammit.. I can’t anymore. Guess it’s a sword fight then.

You have felled the giant creature and have absorbed its life force for your own experience. A star..? I’ve heard of these. I can use it to make a beacon...

God is waiting now.

After mining and mining. Digging and digging. Enchanting and enchanting... you’ve found it. The otherworldly portal. Space stares back into your bones and souls while you stare at it. After taking the last of the glass eyes you stole from the angels and mixing them with the power of the Blazes spines...

You

jump

in.

it’s dark.

You hear the roar from above you.

You see the black and purple oblivion around you.

You dig through the yellowish stone, up to the surface.

She flies overhead.

The angels look at you. There must be hundreds. You hear the deafening roar again.

God is here. And she is not happy.

This is The End.

After a long battle, you have killed God. Leave the egg. You do not care to hatch another god right now, for you have claimed yourself as the new one.

—————————————————

I have just described the two spectrums of Minecraft players: “Flower Pickers/ Potion Makers” and “Monster Slayers.” It doesn’t matter how you play the game, for it’s just a game. It’s totally okay to do whatever you want, because the game came from the creator’s imagination. By imagination, for imaginations everywhere.

Unfortunately Tumblr has messed up my text and spaces in some places during this, so I’m sorry if it ruins the intended effect of the writing.

#mineblr #minecraft #lore #minecraft lore #long post

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whistlewhileiblogit · 5 years

Text

Abuse in Media, and in general

This isn't something I've seen anyone talk about, so I'm gonna put it out there:

Media kinda romanticizes abuse...kinda.

Let me explain. Be it in movies, books or even games, when there are abusers, they usually fit into a very narrow catergory.

They are usually male, fat or overweight, sloppily dressed, suspicious looking etc. Someone you probably would try and avoid in the street. They are usually portrayed as alcoholics.

And here is where it gets....ugh.

The "tragic backstory". Off the top of my head I can think of two characters from separate games like this. Todd from Detroit: Become Human, and whatshisface from Life Is Strange 2/Captain Spirit.

They almost always have a reason for becoming an abuser. Their wife died, or left them (it is usually that), so they take it out on their child...etc.

And what's worse is it is portrayed as though we the audience, should PITY them. FORGIVE them. Ohhh poor guy just misses his wife, he didn't mean to become a raging alcoholic and abuse his child! We can forgive him now because he cried and said he was sorry!

Fuck that. Fuck these portrayals of abuse. Abuse is not tragic because of WHY abusers abuse. It is tragic BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING ABUSE. THERE IS NO DAMN EXCUSE.

Even if an abuser feels sorrow irl, they should never be pitied or forgiven for it. They, just like everyone else, are responsible for their own actions. Alcohol is no excuse. Being depresses is no excuse.

And you know what? Most abusers DON'T HAVE A TRAGEDY THAT "CAUSED" THEM TO BECOME ABUSIVE.

Abusers are just horrible, manipulative, awful people. There are plenty of abusers that grew up with the perfect childhood, had everything handed to them on a silver platter, and STILL became abusive at one point or another.

SO STOP ROMANTICIZING THEM. THEY DESERVE NO SYMPATHY.

#abuse #abuse mention #detroit: become human #life is strange 2

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chibipika · 5 years

Text

Chapter 36 Retrospective

“The Lugia Chapter” is a chapter that’s been in LC almost since the beginning. In the original, it was because Lugia had appeared to Jade several times throughout the course of the story, and it was her destiny to catch it or whatever. Then sometime in 2003, I changed all the Legendary captures into humans being chosen by them instead. Again, still destiny, and also Lugia was an entirely different character back then. I might post that version someday, just know that it looks nothing at all like the current version.

Then, somehow, in 2006, I came up with Jade and Lugia’s current dynamic, with their first meeting resulting in capture/torture, and Lugia’s personality becoming sharp-tongued and irritable. I’m not really sure how I came up with it—it seems to have sprung fully formed from the aether. It might have been because that was around the time I was trying to think of ways to deconstruct the usual Chosen One tropes, (as the chapter itself bears a lot of hallmarks of that.) I’m not sure if I wrote the Lugia chapter before or after I wrote the attack on Viridian in that version of the fic. If it was after, that would technically make this the 2007 version of the Lugia chapter? Well, either way, the ideas came together in 2006. That would make this part of Revision 9.

This version is strikingly similar to the final version that was eventually rewritten for NaNo 2015, (and published in 2019). The writing is primitive, and several plot elements are outdated, but the general feel of it is spot-on, and a lot of dialogue actually made it into the final version.

[Oh yeah, should go without saying, but SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 36.]

<I’m afraid you’re not going down to the stadium,> a voice within my mind said.

I stopped suddenly upon hearing those words, wondering if I had just imagined them. Searching for the source, I turned to see a small, pale rose feline hovering in the middle of my room, her long tail swirling around in the air.

“Mew,” I gasped, both surprised and relieved. “What are you doing here? And what did you mean by that?”

<You’re not going down to the stadium,> she repeated solemnly. <At least, not right now...>

A shiver ran down my spine when I heard her say that. She kept staring downward, refusing to look me in the eye. What was going on?

“Mew...?” I said cautiously, feeling both puzzled and apprehensive.

Finally the cat-like creature lifted her head and gazed long and hard at me with her large, bright sapphire eyes. She looked concerned, with a shadow of guilt mixed into her expression.

“What is it, is there something going on with the Legendaries? Why’d you come to me and not Ajia?” I asked, my heart beating faster from growing anxiety. Why was she acting like this?

<Your test...> Mew spoke so faintly that I could barely make it out.

“My...test...?” I uttered blankly.

Since this chapter was sort of written out of thin air, without any of the preceding chapters leading up to it, the intro to this scene is, as expected, pretty random and abrupt. I was fully expecting to change all of this once I had a better idea of the lead-up events. Note is that Jade is still at Indigo, and the Moltres attack hasn’t happened yet.

<The time has come,> she concluded, raising a paw and glowing with a blue aura. Suddenly, my entire body was enveloped within the same color of light.

“Mew!” I exclaimed as I was lifted off the floor psychically. A flash of light suddenly filled the room, blocking out my vision, and before I could say anything, she was gone.

“MEW!!!” I shouted, but it was too late. The glow vanished and I fell to the floor.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I had fallen not onto the carpeted floor of my room, but onto a hard rock surface. At first I couldn’t see anything, but that was only because there wasn’t much to see. It looked like I was inside a cave of some sort, enclosed on all sides by jagged rock walls and partially filled with water on one end. I rubbed my arms as my senses returned and I felt how incredibly cold it was in the chamber.

“Mew teleported me…” I whispered to myself. “…but where to?” I stood to my feet and glanced around, seeing no possible exit. The cavern was dimly lit, but the light didn’t seem to be coming from any visible source. It occurred to me that the water probably flowed in here from the outside, but I had no idea how deep it went, and I didn’t have any Pokémon that could swim long distances.

“I’m trapped,” I muttered in disbelief. “She’s trapped me here alone with no way out...”

And then a voice resounded in reply, <I wouldn’t say that you’re alone.>

It felt as though my entire body went numb, but not from the cold. The voice was telepathic, but I could easily tell that it most definitely was not from Mew. It was chillingly bitter, with a domineering edge to it that stuck within my head. It was the voice that haunted all my nightmares since that day—one that I had hoped to never hear again.

In the darkest corner of the cave, two eyes, radiating blue, peered out of the shadows with an icy stare that seemed to bore right through me. The glow slightly illuminated the creature’s face, revealing a sleek avian head with a mouth curled into a smirk.

<Welcome, human. Are you ready to face the consequences of that day so long ago? >

Man, though, despite being written in 2006/07 this is pretty-spot on. I can see why I didn’t change much.

My breathing was shallow and my heart was pounding. I couldn’t move; it was like I was frozen on the spot, barely even able to think.

Lugia called me here to kill me.

There was no other explanation. But why now? Why after so long? This couldn’t be happening, there was no way.

I clenched my fists, swallowing hard. It was just like last time. This wasn’t like the Rocket conflicts, with a struggle for survival. There was nothing I could do; I might as well have already been dead. But…Mew…why…?

Man, you can just tell I was having so much fun dunking on Chosen One clichés. Summoned by a Legendary? Grand, awe-inspiring, and important? Nope! Friggin’ terrifying!

Lugia raised an eyebrow. <No response? You’re quite pitiful, always letting fear control you.>

I bristled. Had to do something, anything. I clutched at a Poké Ball and held it up, my arm shaking. I’d battle. Yeah, that was it. I’d battle, and I’d win, and then we’d find some way out. Any way out. We had to. I was only vaguely aware of how unrealistic that plan was, but still threw the ball forward, releasing Chibi in a flash of black.

I glared at the Legendary. Chibi turned toward me with a stunned and disbelieving expression.

“*Jade, what’s going on? Where the hell are we, and,”—he glanced at Lugia—“why is…don’t tell me you’re…*”

“It doesn’t matter, just use Thunderbolt, hurry!” My voice felt dry and hollow.

“*What?*” he asked, clearly confused. All of the old Rocket situations had gotten him used to having to react immediately, even when released in odd situations, but this was too much.

“I said, use Thunderbolt,” I demanded.

He gave me an incredulous glare. “*No. Tell—me—what—is—going—on.*”

Lugia smirked tauntingly. <Even the half-legend won’t obey you. Is he tired of keeping you alive?>

Chibi whirled around to face her, strings of lightning leaping off his fur involuntarily. Some of his electricity hit Lugia, who recoiled slightly, eyes narrowed. <Oh…touchy, are we?>

The scene breaks here, as I couldn’t really figure out where I was going with the whole Chibi bit, so I just skipped to writing the next part. I do like the idea of Jade instinctively going for a battle (which is why I kept it for the final one), but actually sitting down to write the battle always bored me to tears (a pretty sure sign that it needed to be cut).

“Well, what is it?” I demanded brashly, angered at how she was toying with me. “You had Mew call me down here in order to get revenge, right? Are you gonna taunt me some more or just kill me outright since it didn’t work last time?”

For a while, she gave no sign that she had heard me, and I kept waiting for her to say something and break the unnerving silence that filled the chamber.

<Are you under the impression,> Lugia began slowly and menacingly, <that I tried and yet failed to kill you on that day?>

You’ll notice that Lugia is female in this version. All the Legendaries had genders. It wasn’t until 2015 that I finally made them properly genderless. At the time, I was sure I was never going to get used to it, and I accidentally used the wrong pronouns constantly. But now? It’s finally the other way around. Going back and seeing female pronouns for Lugia is like, “wat, ew, stop.” Then again, that’s kinda how these things go irl, isn’t it?

But yes, please don’t let this impact your view of Lugia now, as Revision 12 Lugia is quite thoroughly “wtf is a gender.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond, as she had sounded almost offended by my words. Had Ajia been right? Had Lugia really spared me?

“I…I didn’t think—” I started.

“I know that!” I exclaimed, frustrated at how she flaunted that fact. It was like talking to someone who had a knife to your throat. “And after today, what does it matter?!” I was trembling despite trying to seem unmoved by my complete lack of control over the situation.

With a very reserved tone of voice, the dragon-bird replied, <If you must know, I had Mew call you here today because I wished to speak with you in private.>

I relaxed slightly upon hearing that, but still had to wonder why Mew had looked so regretful about sending me here.

<Still, I can’t help but notice...you speak of that day as though it would have been my fault. As if to make me feel guilty for the situation. Do you see what I did as unjustified?>

Unjustified? Had I deserved it? My immediate thought

Another bit where I got stuck, went “uhhh, I don’t know where this is going,” and then skipped ahead to the next part.

“What events?” I asked.

The dragon-bird raised an eyebrow, as though surprised at my ignorance. <I was told you had read the words inscribed upon the shrine of Midnight Island. Or did they slip your mind?>

“What, you mean that thing with the Legendaries allying themselves with eight humans? What’s that got to do with this?”

Oh right, there were eight chosen before Revision 12. I actually made this mistake a couple times in the current Serebii thread until I finally got used to the idea that there were only seven.

With eyes slightly narrowed, Lugia replied, <Ignorance, human. You don’t realize the magnitude of what will happen in mere months. This is beyond prophecies now…we have seen it with our eyes, the actions of the so-called Team Rocket. Their strides toward power have paved the way for things to come. Even now, it is apparent… The eight would cause themselves to be linked with the legends by connecting themselves with those fulfilling them. And so at the same time, linked with each other.>

I really, really loved making Lugia say “ignorance, human” in the 2007 version. Although it is important to note that modern day Lugia still doesn’t ever refer to Jade by name. This is intentional.

It took me several seconds to understand what she was implying. Team Rocket’s Legendary captures were fulfilling the legends…which meant that none of the eight Chosen were predestined. It had seemed like that from the way Ajia described how she had become Mew’s Chosen, but I always figured that the legends had to involve some complex destiny.

But why was she telling me this?

Unless…

I stared long and hard at her, unwilling to believe it…it couldn’t be possible. It couldn’t be…

“So…so you’re saying…” I swallowed hard and continued, “that…I’m Chosen? Even after what I did?”

<Perhaps more so because of what you did, and other things among that. You have connected yourself with the Legendaries as few others of that rebellion have,> the dragon-bird answered.

I really like this bit, which is why it made it into the rewrite almost unscathed. I love that the big chosen reveal is treated as something horrifying and terrible rather than “aww yeah, I was ~Chosen by a Legendary.~”

“Because of it? Why in the…how—” I struggled, overwhelmed at the significance of what I had just been told.

Lugia closed her eyes in frustration and said, <Let me explain this as simply as I can. I understand that you have read the Midnight Island legend.>

“Yeah, and the Dark Crystal legend,” I added.

She paused slightly when I said that, but then overlooked it. <Then you know that the Midnight legend tells of the Eight Guardians and the Crystal legend is just that—about the trio of crystals. You are an interloper. You have no inherent significance in the legends whatsoever, yet your interference in the matters concerning the balance of power between human and Legendary as well as the fact that you know about the legends has forced you to become a part of them. Fate is nothing; action is everything. The Eight Guardians of the Order of Legends are obligated to seek out those interlopers deemed to have the strongest connection to the legends and the conflict at hand.

I can’t believe the “Fate is nothing; action is everything” dates back to this. What started out as just a fun way to dunk on Chosen One clichés turned into one of the core themes of the entire fic.

I didn’t have to be told who that was referring to.

oh no spoilers (…not really, pretty much everyone has guessed that’s what he’s going for.)

<No one truly knows what the new age shall bring, or how this conflict shall be resolved. One thing is for certain—once the alliance has served its purpose, it shall be as though it never was, and the turmoil of the Revolution and the legacy of the Crystals shall reign supreme,> Lugia concluded solemnly.

“Wait, wait…you’re saying this alliance doesn’t even matter that much?” I asked incredulously. “All it’ll do is just bide time in this stupid Team Rocket conflict until the real trouble begins?”

I should point out here that while this is still true, it has not come up in the current version. (Notice that Lugia didn’t mention the Orb or any the writings around it at all in the current version.)

“Do you Legendaries, like, spend all your time memorizing the legends and then interpreting them?” I asked, my tone slightly annoyed and slightly sarcastic.

I really loved this quip of Jade’s back when I wrote it. :V

Lugia was unimpressed with my insolent remark, and I could tell immediately that I had crossed the line. <Let me tell you something, human. The words of your little half-legend were not what swayed my decision that day. Grabbed my attention, yes, but you are alive right now because you fit this role. It is an honor. Were it not for our constant ‘interpretation’ of the legends…> here she paused, unsure of how to continue. Finally she sighed and glanced down. I thought I’d never see a Legendary show any sign of weakness, at least not before a human.

Wait, what? At first, I couldn’t figure out what she meant, but then I realized it. Neither side could survive without the other. Then a rather stupid grin crossed my face as I said, “You Legendaries need help? From humans?”

This line too. :P

It really was quite obvious that they did, seeing as many more of them would have been captured were it not for The Rebellion—yet another fact that made Stalker’s plans rather paradoxical. Lugia scowled, more insulted by the way I had said it than by the fact that it was true. I let the moment of immaturity drop and said, “Look, I’m honored, I really am, but…”—I sighed—“I told myself that I wouldn’t have anything more to do with Team Rocket. I’m not even on the Resistance…why not choose someone who is?”

Lugia didn’t answer, but rather shifted her wings and gazed at me peculiarly. I continued, “I’m tired of risking both my life and the lives of my friends.”

<Either way, you do realize of course that you’re connected to the Team Rocket matter whether you like it or not. This is simply to determine whether you shall be a part of the deeper legendary matter at hand,> Lugia explained simply.

I really didn’t want to reply, seeing as the whole point of my training for the past year had been as a sort of escape from the Rocket mess…while the members of the Resistance continued to keep the team in check. I leaned against the rough cave wall and stared downward, unsure of what to do.

I really was sure that the Resistance was out and about doing important things, despite having no idea how. The decision to have the Resistance be disbanded in the current version was a pretty spur-of-the-moment one fueled by the realization that I really just didn’t know what I was doing with them. The fic’s a lot better off for it.

I glanced over my shoulder and looked the seabird in the eye for quite a while, reflecting upon everything she had told me. I felt as though pure guilt would end up winning me over—guilt that I was hiding from a struggle over the control of the planet, one that many of my friends had an active role in. The last thought to occur to me, however, was what had gone through my mind that day when I had used the Master Ball cannon on Lugia: the bizarre fascination with Legendaries combined with the urge to wield that incredible power.

This is such a weird sentiment. It really doesn’t fit Jade’s current characterization at all.

Yeah, that was it…

“I’ll do it,” I said slowly after quite a while, my voice shaking.

Lugia nodded slowly with an odd relief in her eyes, looking genuinely glad that I had agreed. She motioned to me to step forward, and I did. Outstretching a wing, the avian dragon touched a feather to my palm and closed her eyes in concentration. An aura began to glow around her wing, slowly brightening and focusing itself around my hand.

Suddenly, a sharp jolt of pain shot through my arm. I recoiled back and gripped my wrist, not expecting that. I could see that my hand was still glowing, however, and slowly, the light formed into a symbol—an outline of Lugia’s head surrounded by rolling waves. I stared at the inscription, transfixed with awe.

I always was unsatisfied with how understated this was. This was supposed to be a major turning point for the fic, and it was over in two sentences with a tiny jolt of pain. NaNo 2015 was when I got the idea to expand this to be the culmination of all the pain and trauma that Jade has endured so far.

<You are marked,> Lugia said. <With you bearing my seal, the two of us, Legend and human, are linked. With this privilege comes much responsibility. You will find that we can communicate now, regardless of distance. Likewise, if you are in grave danger, you may summon me to aid you, if and only if you have done everything in your power to ensure that doing so will not expose us. But you must never call me somewhere simply for the sake of it…the consequences of such will be severe,> she added, narrowing her eyes.

I’m not sure why that last bit was necessary. I would think that if you’re trusting a human enough to be your partner, it would go without saying that they’re not going to summon you for a random battle or whatever.

Notice I said “summon.” In old LC canon, the chosen were able to summon their patrons to their side. This is outdated. While Mew can teleport to Ajia’s side, even if it’s somewhere she hasn’t been previously, that’s just because she could already teleport anyway.

I winced slightly, remembering the Psychic attack that I had endured before. Still, I nodded understandingly just as I had for her other rules.

<Most importantly of all, however…you cannot tell anyone about this. The Order’s rules are yours to follow as well. Do not betray the pact,> Lugia reinforced threateningly.

Unable to come up with any other manner of response, I nodded again. But then something occurred to me and I suddenly asked, “What about Ajia? Can I tell her?”

Lugia paused long and hard, as though unsure of what to say. After contemplating her answer, she finally replied, <I…suppose… The Chosen are supposed to remain a secret, even from the others, until the time is right, but…as you already know she is Chosen, it couldn’t hurt…>

This is silly. Why should the chosen be a secret from each other. Aren’t they supposed to help each other? And what does “the time is right” even mean.

I brightened up slightly upon hearing that—at least I wouldn’t have to keep it all to myself. “So then the fact that I knew about her and Mew had to have played a part in why you picked me, right?”

Lugia glanced away slightly, as though she had been hoping I wouldn’t say that. <Yes, yes it did… When Mew told me that you not only knew her Chosen, but also knew everything about the legends concerning them, I knew that there was no going back.>

“No…going back?” I echoed. “Why?”

She didn’t make eye contact and simply said, <Anyone with that much knowledge would be a threat. You would either have to join us of your own will, or die. If you had decided against becoming Chosen, I would have had to kill you.>

I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that. But finally I knew why Mew had looked so worried when she had sent me here. She couldn’t say anything about it without my decision becoming forced.

Another detail that is surprisingly on point with the current version. The chosen pact requiring hard consent, where any guilting or pressuring would render that consent void, was pretty important, even back then.

Lugia nodded, knowing what I was thinking. <Mew was afraid that you would decline, given your past refusal to further involve yourself in the Team Rocket conflict.> She then turned toward the ceiling and let out a high-pitched cry in Pokéspeech. “*Mew! It is finished!*”

I knew that the Legendary communication had a very long range, and sure enough, there was an immediate flash of light as Mew teleported into the cavern. The cat-like Pokémon glanced around frantically, her eyes falling on me.

<She has agreed?> Mew questioned, looking both surprised and relieved.

<The pact is complete...she is marked with my seal,> Lugia answered with a reserved tone. But then the slightest trace of a grin crossed her face—similar to Mewtwo’s in that it looked forced, and yet oddly fitting just the same.

Mew let out a great sigh of relief. <I honestly wasn’t sure if sending you here would be condemning you to death, but…we really had no choice.>

That didn’t really make me feel better about the whole situation, but as the danger had passed, I didn’t care. I only nodded understandingly. She was right…I hadn’t wanted to agree, but hadn’t known that my life rested on that decision, so it was still of my own will.

All because of that capture… What had I gotten myself into?

Mew motioned to me and said, <I’ll take you back to your room now.>

“Oh, right…thanks…” I said, walking over. I took one last glance around the cavern before asking Lugia, “Where is this, anyway?”

<Underneath the Whirl Islands in Johto,> Lugia replied. <I suppose it could be considered my home.>

Mew raised a paw and the two of us glowed blue. The last thing I saw was everything dissolving, and then a bright flash of light. Suddenly, we were back in the stadium hotel room. The catlike Legendary nodded to me and then disappeared once more.

Aaaand, that’s it! The chapter went on a bit after that, but it gets into stuff that’ll come up in Chapter 37, so I’ll cut it here.

#LC #writing #pokemon fanfiction

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tandytoaster · 5 years

Text

I’m gonna be a fuckin bitch for this post and i’m not really sorry i don’t think.

So i’m in college. For social work. To help people. You know. Getting my life together. And in the beginning I made a friend who likes nintendo games and i was like OH BOY, MAYBE THEY LIKE METROID. they did not and i have continuously made the mistake of associating with this kid. Like almost every day he does something that makes my skin crawl with the feeling of “oh my god i canNOT relate to this kid at all”.

At first my issue with him was that he reminded me exactly of Tristan except not evil. My second issue was just that he gave me wicked secondhand embarrassment. My third issue is that I have not the slightest idea why he’s still in this course, he has proved time and time again that he has learned nothing.

The first red flag that went up for me was personal because he reminded me of Tristan. The second one went up when he said that he felt gay people were shoving their gayness down people’s throats and that he was sick of the rainbow flag. When he first said that I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I told him about the ratio how many straight movies there are compared to gay ones, I told him about how the rainbow flag is a symbol of safety and acceptance, WE HAVE ONE IN OUR GODDAMN CLASSROOM. He told me that in highschool almost every classroom had a gay flag in it and almost everyday there was a class discussion about it. I asked him if it was the students or teachers who brought it up and he said “mehhhh it was the students” SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT TELLS ME? THAT THOSE WERE GAY OR TRANS STUDENTS NEEDING ACCEPTANCE. AND YOU’RE HERE IN FRONT OF ME, IN FRONT OF THIS RAINBOW FLAG, COMPLAINING ABOUT THEM. He wanted to “agree to disagree” about it but I was like “no man your views are potentially harmful”. People overheard us arguing and they sided with me, the student council president i think it was spoke to us and said (in response too “theres too much gay stuff”) “I’m actually trying to get them to paint the crosswalks here rainbow”, so like, take that.

And we talk about this stuff in class fairly often. We’ve spoken about the importance of symbols, identity, flags, safe spaces, we get DEEP into it. But you know what this kid does all class? He looks at memes or plays fire emblem heroes on his phone, sometimes he plays his whole ass switch in class. OR! or or or, he gets up and leaves in the middle of a lesson that holds CRITICAL information that would help him become less ignorant and prejudiced. Just the other week we were talking about how straight people will never know the struggle, the oppression, that nonstraight people face, and of course this kid was just playing on his phone, and ohohoho the instructor called him on it and got mad and it was honestly? So satisfying.

So I had to be the one to explain to him what oppression is and how fuckign serious it is. People fucking die man. This was around the time the whole “gays own splatoon” thing happened and the dude was SO upset about it. I was like “.... you realize those are all jokes right? Nobody means anything by it”. He sort of got it but one thing he said is like, big fuckin yikes. He said he seen a meme on the drawing feature or whatever that said “straight people suck at splatoon” or something and he said he was actually offended by that and if it wasn’t for the fact that his best friend is a lesbian, these jokes that he’s seeing would probably turn him into a little bit of a homophobe. And because I had to be civil and he did want my help I was like “you have to work on that, you NEED to do something about that”. Because you can’t be like that in general and you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT be like that going into the field we’re going into.

I wish he paid attention in class so then he wouldn’t come to me to ask “hey how do i not be homophobic” and get me all mad but then i cant get mad because that doesnt help either of us. at least its good practice for the future and any weirdos i get in my career.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh “at least”. That’s one of his favourite things to say :))))))))) at least at least at least AT LEEAST. We’ve been through a semester and a half of counselling skills and you still have not learned how to properly console people. “At least” belongs in a pity pile, “At least” is you saying “youre problems arent THAT bad :)” you think it sounds nice but really youre just belittling the person and their issues. oh my fuck he SMOTHERS people if they’re having problems. Last week I guess I was “off” or some shit idk! something i didnt wanna talk to him about, AND HE KEPT GOING ON “whats wrong. do you wanna talk about it. you seem upset. you seem upset. whats wrong. im here”, SO I TURNED TO THE DUDE AND WAS LIKE “You’re going to make me a lot worse if you keep asking, and you and I both know you hate it when I get angry :)” like im ready to verbally rip this kid a new one i am SO ready.

Today he was smothering one of our friends because they went through a break up and oh my god even the tone of voice he uses sets off my shut-the-fuck-up reflexes ?? He was like “do you need anything, do you need snacks, do you need a hug, do you want me to buy you something, do you want me to rough him up, do you want me to send him a message, please dont cry crying is bad, do you want a hug” and our poor friend just sat their sulking not saying anything PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS SMOTHERING THEM. They got up and went somewhere so i turned to him and said “YOU ARE SMOTHERING THEM (awkward laugh to attempt to hide my anger) you are smothering them you cant do that. So he said “Hey you know word of advice you need to word things better because you might hurt someone’s feelings” and all i said was “right”. Then later in the day I’m talking to our heartbroken friend and I’m using actual skills we learned in class and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, we’re making progress and they’re talking about it to me.

I’m so aggressive with this dude because 1, i cant stand him, and 2, he hasnt gotten it through our non aggressive talks in class. I wanna kick this into him, like 2013 tumblr style LISTEN UP FUCKER type of shit.

When i explained to him a few weeks ago that Homophobia Is Bad, do you know how he thanked me????????? He gave me his copy of ssb melee. That game is like his pride and joy and it sells for 80 fucking dollars and he gave it to some bitch that doesnt even like him. I don’t even want a thank you for telling you to not be a homophobic piece of shit. So now I have this copy of melee that i feel horrendous about having because I don’t even like this kid anymore i’m sick of him.

and the week after he gave me that guess what i found out haha???? HE HAS A CRUSH ON ME!!!!!!!!!! AWFUL!!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU LIKE ME!!!!!! I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT CONTINUOUSLY HURT YOUR FEELINGS I DO NOT GET IT.

Last week he left a bag of those hersheys clusters on my part of the table and when i seen them a wave of defeat and anger washed over me, i dont want your fuckin gifts, i dont want your money, i dont want you to give me things because you like me. i do not appreciate it. it feels wrong. I think he cried because i didn’t acknowledge the bag. after class he said he got them for me and i told him i didnt feel right taking them, so he said “just pretend that they came out of nowhere” and i shook my head and said no and i left them there. idk what happened to that bag.

twice back in september he commented on my eating habits, said i had a sweet tooth WHEN I WAS EATING HEALTH FRUIT GUMMIES???? so now i cant eat in front of him or else i panic.

we’re fine texting each other but i really do not enjoy being around him irl. and today i came to the realization that I’m not gonna get along and vibe with everybody, he just happens to be one of those people.

so now i’m like, angry a lot of the time again because i have to deal with him and his terrible work ethics and tristan transference

I should’ve known he didn’t like metroid.

#noop nooping #YA LIVE YA LEARN YA GET MAD.

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seigyokus · 6 years

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9.2 - Flower of Entrapment

Idolish Seven - Part 3, Chapter 9.2 For more Part 3 translations, click here!

Translation below the cut!

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: You're going to quit, Hanamaki-san? But your CDs sell so well and you've got so many collaborations going on.... Hanamaki Sumire: ....... ...... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Oh, my agency's calling me. Sorry, do you mind if I-- Hanamaki Sumire: I want to keep going! I really do... But not at my current agency-- I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I've become nothing more than a robot, working from dawn to dusk.... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: ....... Hanamaki Sumire: And they told me if I went to another agency, they'd make it so I would never be able to sing ever again.... I just don't know what to do.... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: That's awful.... Which agency is this? Hanamaki Sumire: Tsukumo Productions.... Tsunashi-san, I'm begging you.... Could you come with me when I go talk to them? Please.... Hanamaki Sumire: They're all going to yell at me... And I'm so scared.... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Of course. If it's just that, then gladly. Rokuya Nagi: Oh.... Please wipe those tears away, my girl. There is nothing to be distressed about, o' beautiful one. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Nagi-kun!? Where in the world did you come from! Hanamaki Sumire: Nagi-kun!? Of IDOLiSH7!? Rokuya Nagi: I finished my pilgrimage so I decided to take a break at this cafe, and happened to stumble upon your conversation. Rokuya Nagi: Back in my home country, the mere existence of a company that fails to uphold the rights of working women is unforgivable. Your rights ought to be protected. Hanamaki Sumire: Um.... I, uh.... Rokuya Nagi: Allow me to act as your agent. I will go and negotiate matters with your production agency right this instant. Hanamaki Sumire: Wait.... What!? Rokuya Nagi: Shall we? (2) Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Wait! Wait, Nagi-kun!?

Rokuya Nagi: Oh, I can't seem to catch a taxi. If I were a pegasus, I could've taken your weary self upon my back and flown to our destination. Hanamaki Sumire: So, you're going to negotiate for me, Nagi-kun? Not.... Tsunashi-san......? Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Wait up, Nagi-kun! I agree with what you're saying, but you can't jump into something like this looking to pick a fight! Rokuya Nagi: Her agency is putting her, a woman all by herself, through so much strife. All because she simply wished to have a say in her work. Any gentleman in his right mind would fight for her sake. Hanamaki Sumire: Um.... I.... If someone's going to fight for me I'd rather it be Tsunashi-san and not you, Nagi-kun.... Otherwise I'll be quite troubled-- Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: I never said I wasn't going to fight! If you're really a gentleman, then maybe calm down a bit first? You're getting pretty worked up about this. Rokuya Nagi: How rude! I am nothing but calm and composed right now. What you call prudence is nothing more than a coward's excuse. People may call you 'beast,' but perhaps you ought to call yourself 'chicken' instead. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Hey, that's not very nice! But I'm not gonna argue with you right now. The culture here is different compared to where you're from, Nagi-kun. Just because you're right doesn't mean you can keep insisting on something and force people into-- Rokuya Nagi: Japan is a civilized nation, is it not? Don't tell me you’d rather side with the barbarians who force women into cruel, grueling labor? Hanamaki Sumire: Nagi-kun, please stop! I just want to talk it out with my agency. Quietly and peacefully. That's why I want Tsunashi-san to come with me.... Rokuya Nagi: Fear not, o' beautiful one.... I will conduct myself with the utmost elegance and refinement. I would never do anything to tarnish your future. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Ah, right.... You did a really superb job at that press conference! If anything, you're way better at negotiating stuff than I am, Nagi-kun. Rokuya Nagi: I see you finally remember. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: What a relief! Well, with that said, Hanamaki-san-- Hanamaki Sumire: No! This won't do! It has to be Tsunashi-san! Rokuya Nagi・Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: ....... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: ...Why me? Rokuya Nagi: ...And for what reason? Hanamaki Sumire: I.... Because.... Because he's my type.... Rokuya Nagi: Oh, I am wounded by your words! Terribly, terribly wounded! Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Aw, thanks.... I'm kinda embarrassed now-- Wait, no, no! Nagi-kun’s more geared for this type of stuff. I have this habit of saying weird stuff when I get pissed off. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Nagi-kun, please take care of her. See you later-- Hanamaki Sumire: Wait! Um, I.... I'm going to call my manager right now! Can you talk to them in my place? Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Right now!? That's really proactive of you, but that was a little out of nowhere! Hanamaki Sumire: Nagi-kun, thank you! You can go now! Go over there...! Rokuya Nagi: Oh. My. God. I've never been rejected in my entire life. I feel so, so depressed.... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: I think you're way cooler than me, Nagi-kun! You're beautiful, you've got a great body, and the color of your eyes is especially-- Rokuya Nagi: Shut up! I don't want your pity! No thank you! I am not an ounce happier hearing praise from a man! Hanamaki Sumire: They picked up! Here, Tsunashi-san...! Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: O-oh, okay. ...Uh, hello? Nice to meet you, I'm TRIGGER's Tsunashi Ryuunosuke.... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Yes. Hanamaki-san wanted to speak with her agency about quitting-- Ah, no-- Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Huh!? Wait, no.... Wait! What? No, that's not what I meant... Wait? Huh? Uh.... Hello!? Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Hold on-- ....... Rokuya Nagi: Oh? ...What's the matter? Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: ......They said they're fine with voiding your contract, Hanamaki-san. And that Yaotome Productions should take responsibility-- Hanamaki Sumire: Yay! Thank you! You saved me, Tsunashi-san! I really owe you one! Please take care of me from here on out! Rokuya Nagi: To think that he'd succeed in negotiating such delicate matters in one phone call and in a matter of seconds.... Rokuya Nagi: After all these years, I have finally lost faith in my own charms.... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: ......Was it really because of my charms? Is it okay if I think that? Wait, but that's not-- Hanamaki Sumire: I'm begging you, Tsunashi-san! Please help me! I don't have anywhere to go! Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: ....... Rokuya Nagi: This is utter defeat. Please make her happy, Tsunashi-shi.... Rokuya Nagi: Adieu. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: W-wait, Nagi-kun! Don't you think something's a little off...? Rokuya Nagi: Oh! Excellent question. A beautiful woman chose to depend upon you, and not me. The world must be amiss, is it not? Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: That's not what I was talking about.... Blonde Young Man: Nagi-san! Rokuya Nagi: ....... Blonde Young Man: I've been looking for you. Blonde Young Man: You informed me that we would be meeting in Akihabara, but you shook me off on purpose, didn't you? Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: An acquaintance? Rokuya Nagi: ......Yes. Of the troublesome variety. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: ......? Blonde Young Man: Nagi-san. Please take me to your dormitory. Just as you promised.

Yaotome Sousuke: Hanamaki Sumire wants to switch over to our agency!? Anesagi Kaoru: Yes. Yaotome Sousuke: As if we could sign a contract with a ticking time bomb like her! If we put her out there, we'll incur the wrath of everyone in the industry. If we don't, then we'll get backlash from the fans. Yaotome Sousuke: However, I am quite thankful that Tsukumo's lost their top seller. That damn Tsukumo gotten awfully full of himself, even though he's an old geezer now. All of this is a direct result of that. Yaotome Sousuke: Where is she right now? Anesagi Kaoru: I sent her home. Nothing good will come out of keeping her here if we're not going to have her sign with us. Yaotome Sousuke: You let her go? Just like that? She must've done something strange to Ryuunosuke. Have somebody monitor her activity! Anesagi Kaoru: President! We're in trouble! Yaotome Sousuke: What is it? Anesagi Kaoru: She just announced that she's switching over from Tsukumo Pro. to Yaotome Pro. on her blog! And that the deal is almost settled! Yaotome Sousuke: Goddamn it! Is Ryuunosuke's name there? Anesagi Kaoru: It is. "I’d like to thank Tsunashi Ryuunosuke-san from the bottom of my heart for helping me out..." Yaotome Sousuke: She must've intended on dragging Yaotome Productions and Ryuunosuke into this issue then!

To be continued....

TL Notes/comments:

THANKS @kuriiii FOR PROOFREADING!!! I AM FINALLY ON BREAK AKA I HAVE TIME TO DO STUFF WOOHOO! ! !

The title literally translates to 'trap flower' or 'flower of trap' but I wanted it to sound snazzier so here we are LOL

(1) 聖地巡礼 (seichi junrei, lit. pilgrimage or visiting holy grounds) refers to the act of going to the irl equivalent of locations of landmarks, views, or even objects that you saw in a game/anime aka Anime Tourism. Examples of this would be people visiting Karatsu (the irl equivalent of Hasetsu from Yuri on Ice), Iwami (irl equivalent of Iwatobi from Free!), Shinsengumi-related-franchise fans paying respects at Hijikata Toshizo's grave, i7 fans visiting the University of Southern California (WHICH IS FEATURED IN THE NANAIRO REALIZE MV)(sadly a little far from where I currently am) Anyways here's a cool article on pilgrimages! (2) I couldn't find a nice english equivalent for lit. “please give me your hand” that wouldn't have marriage-y implications so cue me frantically googling what people say when they offer their hands to u before like ballroom dancing or smth etcetc yeaH. So it’s more implied here than anything but hopefully that came across!!!!!

As usual, if you see any mistakes/mistranslations/etc, please message me!

Thank you for reading!!

#idolish7 #アイドリッシュセブン #story3:text #story3:tl #translation

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btsiguess · 6 years

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This is genuinely just a full on mental breakdown which I’m posting here instead of telling someone privately bc I don’t want any of my friends irl to know that I have problems so I’m doing the responsible thing and dumping them on the internet?

I’m also on mobile and can’t insert a read more line im sorry?

So today I had an oral presentation in my senior seminar?? And I was just really nervous. It’s a really small class (5 students) and it’s THREE hours long so we all had to present today. That super stressed me out because like shit homie? Normally I watch someone else present and listen to the comments they get and then bang! I have a sort of jumping off point for my own work? But I didn’t get that since we all had to be prepared for today? And it was made worse because This is a really sort of classic type of teacher. If you get it wrong he’ll fucking tell you it’s wrong in front of the whole class and just tear you a fuckin new one. I’m serious???? Like, genuinely he made the first kid to present cry because he was like “this paper is a fine start but it’s clear you didn’t do enough work and while that might get you through some of your lower level courses you’re insane if you think that’ll pass in this class, I’m disappointed in the work you put into this and I expect you to work harder in the future.” Like he’s not. Mean. He’s just super blunt and unforgiving.

So I was just super fucking nervous??? Like???? I tried hard on my assignment but that doesn’t mean anything because I didn’t know how far we were supposed to take it? Since wed not gotten any examples of these presentations?

And idk my face must’ve shown something weird because the professor was like “what is it mackenzie you look like you have something to say” and I literally just replied “no it’s nothing I’m just nervous to present.” And????? He was like “you’re nerves are starting to interrupt the class so you need to honestly get over it. This is a senior seminar and you’re becoming a distraction to the other students since you keep fidgeting and shuffling around and you need to put on your big girl pants, stop be nervous, and think of the other students in the class”

and I’m so fucking upset about that? Because like??? He asked me???? He provoked my response? Like I mean I guess I could’ve just been like ‘aw no I don’t have anything to say’ but idk??? And then to like?? Fucking ridicule me for being nervous is just sort of shitty? Like why do you think I’m so damn nervous anyway homie? It’s because you’ve thrown us to the wolves and expect us to perfectly know what you want when you didn’t tell us how long our presentations should be/how many outside sources we should use or really anything that could have helped at all????????

It just?? I know it’s sort of silly but it just. Like. The class is three hours and there’s five people in it and it’s on 13th century Italian literature like this shit is hard!!! There’s a reason I was nervous!!!! Also of course I was fidgeting we were two hours into a three hour class what do you WANT???? And there’s no lefty desks in that classroom so it’s so uncomfortable for me too like using the righty desks is fine for 50 minutes or even 1hr 15 mins But 3 hours? It’s too much.

Not to mention the fact that I have a genuine anxiety disorder? Which granted the teacher doesn’t know but I don’t think he would care regardless. To say something as condescending as “put your big girl pants on” oh my GOD? Like acting like that wasn’t what I was doing already? I’m so angry like for real I was already there dude? Like if you want to see me act out the way I feel inside you will literally have to bring me to the wellness center because I will be hyperventilating and crying on the floor my guy? And like oh the girl is petrified to present let’s just humiliate her in front of th whole class that’ll make it way better that’ll help her overcome her nerves. Like I was at that point in anxiety where you get the ringing in your ears you know? And you can’t breathe at all?? Like there’s someone standing on your chest but but I sat there and I stayed as quiet and attentive as I could just waiting for my own personal nightmare to come about and I didn’t even interject my own shit into it like he asked he asked what was going on in my brain and I just told him and he just fucking shat all over me and I just I don’t understand what the point of that was why would you twist someone’s reservations just to embarrass them I’m a fucking adult don’t fucking tell me something so condescending as to put my big girl pants on everyone gets nervous Jesus fuck we can’t all have four degrees on medieval fucking literature like honestly and and idk I’m just so upset

I can’t stop thinking about it it’s been like five hours and I just keep thinking about how stupid I was to have even said anything in the first place like of course he wouldn’t have any pity for my nerves he doesn’t even care and like I held myself together in the class because like hell im gonna let some old white guy make me cry in front of a bunch of people I’m not giving him that satisfaction but I’m crying now because I’m a pussy ass bitch and it hurt my fucking feelings so bad and I’m so tired but I can’t sleep because every time I close my damn eyes all I can see and hear is him basically telling me I’ll never be a real scholar because I get nervous as fuck which is like one of my biggest fears anyway

I can take criticism on my work, that’s not a problem because I’m a fucking adult. But like. Idk prof. You don’t need to criticize me on my uncontrollable anxiety because I fucking promise you I already do that enough on my own.

TL;DR I’m a big fucking nervous wreck and I wish I was d e a d ✨💕☀️💙

#its so dumb i know #im way too old to be this worked up about it #my presentation went bangin #im not kidding im a great public speaker #i talked for 30 minutes #bull shitting the entire time #but seriously the like 30 seconds he took out of class to shit on me have been on repeat since #and i seriously want to die #i feel literally worthless?#i cant imagine how the other kid feels #i really like him i hope hes doing okay #im hoping this rant will let me sleep finally?#oh shit #not bts #should have put that first

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beochanpaiseanagustaifeala · 7 years

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💖”Star🌠Gazing”💖 Part 1 (FEAT. Lalasa Patel-Slithers, The Cartoon Network and many more!)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

🌠

Lalasa’s POV

How I love to stroll in the woods during nights like this~ the sun is setting, the moon is rising and for some reason I’m really hungry; good thing I got myself some perfectly healthy trail mix...let’s see: marshmallow, potato chip, cheddar cracker, pizza roll, sugary cereal, loads and loads of chocolate, ect. so much to choose from, my freaking God! X’DDD But suddenly, I spotted Harvey and lil’ Buhdeuce (SwaySway’s baby bro) getting chased by none other than those Greaser Dogs~ better save those boy’s lives; I jumped into action and punched the top dog, Cliff, square in the face.

“Don’t you know it’s impolite for a little lady like you to fight dirty?” He laughed, with Shriek giving him a dark look in response.

“At least I’m not a clown dressed in leather desperately trying to relive my glory days, I thought you dinosaurs where dead.” I replied in a deadpan tone.

“Gee, I don’t look like a dinosaur...” said a confused-as-usual Lube, itching his head.

“In that case, these dinosaurs are gonna stomp you in the mud!” said Shriek, shaking her fist at me.

“Good idea, cookie, let’s get her!”

Cliff roared as the three where about to lynch me until I activated my powers and flamed both of them IRL and literally, making the three geezers (I think) screaming and running into the lake to cool off.

“Thanks, Lolly!” Harvey and Buhdeuce cheered as they hugged my legs since they’re pretty short.

“It was nothing, really, I do enjoy kicking me some butt.” I chuckled, petting their heads; “Stay outta danger, ‘k?”

They saluted: “Yes, m’am!” and left to go do their own business.

After that little scrap, I took a break from walking and lied down on the soft, green grass to stair up above at the sky and listened to the sound of a happy mother bird and her hatching chicks; speaking of which, I started to wonder about a missing detail in my life: “How was I born?” maybe I can look for some answers.....

🌠

Plucky’s POV

Another glorious day of trolling some poor, pitiful Nicktoon Authority and their lackey dogs, too; this time we hid woopie cushions with missile buttons under their seats in the meeting council~ looks like it’s gonna be weeks and weeks of repairing the dome for those saps so why not celebrate with a BBQ and a pageant?

The “pageant” was sweet-little Bubbles singing a ballad of how my aunt Melissa defeated the cruel ruler of the Nicktoon’s old country and started our grand organization...and would you believe, after all these years, they've still been trying to make us disband and have the last of the Looney Tunes come crawling back to ‘em? those dinks! too bad for them, because no matter what kind of blackmail and butchery they threaten us with, we’ll always bite back! aye, if only ol’ Jack (the III?) was gonna see this but I think he transferred to our sister rebellion group, which is cool since there’s a robot and a crazy scientist in that group.

“It’s showtime, big guy!” Amethyst, my trusty second-in-command, called out while holding a huge hot dog right off from the grill.

“I’ll be there in a second, bonnie-love!” I called out, grinning like a chump while putting on my best robes and hat in which made me feel like a pirate.

But a tragedy struck upon dear Bubbles 5 minutes into her performance: an arrow from nowhere was flung her to the back of her head with an orange flag with a white “N” waving in the air; “Did they kill her!?” we all shrieked in agony as we saw what might have been her final moment; a weeping Blossom replied “W-we’ll see what’s up...” as she and a frightened Buttercup crept up to her, but luckly, Bubbles was safe, sound and just got spooked because a plunger got stuck in her hair~ said-plunger got pulled off by Buttercup rather roughly as if a lock of Bubbles’ hair was ripped out of her, making her yelp; she turned around the flag and saw a note: “🎵”

“Yeah but turn it over, there’s a letter!” Blossom replied.

“You’re right~ and there’s a message from the Nicktoon Authority!”

Reading it out loud, it turned out that, in order to afford the pay for damages to the dome, they’ll steal our most prized possession, the Golden Anvil, so they could trade it for loads of cold hard cash and as you could see, none of us where pleased about losing our prized possession to those slime-drinkin’ chumps....unless....“Gather around, I got something to tell you all in private.” and with that, everyone huddled over as I whispered them my latest grand plan.

🌠

Lalasa’s POV

I came across the library, being taken care of by none other than an older resident hailing all the way from the mother country, Tommy Pickles; he ruled over the Nickelodeon area of In-Between and was with the other older Nicktoons since Day 1, maybe he had answers.

“Hey Lolly, how are you and the girls been doing lately?” he said with a warm, brotherly smile.

“Barb and Tricia have been doing good, as for me, I’ve been puzzled about something for a while....”

“And that is?”

“....Who brought me into this world?”

At first, he looked a bit shocked, his face seemed a bit more solemn and serious than usual, but he also at least trying to smile; “Oh, Lalasa....” he walked up to me, patting me on the back, following with: “You see, it’s.....complicated and.....and.....let me tell you a little story, get cozy just in case, because it’s pretty long.” We sat down together on a nice bench by some books, propped ourselves up and so he began to tell me the tale of my origins.....

💖

Tommy’s POV/Story (Although the one he tells Lalasa is much less overly-detailed)

It all started when me, Helga Pataki (or as I liked to call her, Brawn Helga) and two really hyper orphans, Fabian and ChiChi where running one of the ships that carried out Beo’s and young Beochan who where waiting to be knighted as official Nicktoons and to be honest, I was enjoying it the most: the salty sea-air, the wind in my face, the gentle blue waves crashing against the bottom of the ship and the seagulls pecking at Helga’s head made my day, why I felt like I was king of the world.

“Hey, Pickles! the two monkey boys are at it again, get after them you lazy bones!” Angel-I mean, Helga bellowed at me in all her grouchy glory.

“What did the scamps do this time?” I said, hoping to God they didn’t get into my baby photos again.

“They’re annoying with one of the passengers, now get out there and find the masked brats before I do and handle them by myself with a belt, kapeesh?”

“G-got it, Captain!”

I scurried for the whereabouts of the two troublesome boys and finally found them jumping around in one of the Beochan’s chamber and messing around with his things.

“Please give that back to me, it’s private!” Said the taller, older-looking boy, trying to retrieve a box from ChiChi in grabby hands mode as Fabian was running wild just like Sheen back in the day.

“Alright, kids, time to leave the guy alone now come with me.” I said in a calm tone, picking the boys up by the backs of their shirts.

“Yes, Tommy-sama.”

“That’s my boys, now stay outta trouble, otherwise Helga’s gonna put all three of us in the soup.”

“Okay.” the two glumly replied as ChiChi gave the box to me just before both of them scampered off, leaving me and the preteen boy alone in the room.

“I believe this belongs to you, kid?”

“Gee, t-thank you...”

“You’re one of the new kids sailing to In-Between or maybe the Mother Land?” I asked the shy, sensitive-looking boy.

“Y-yes, I don’t know where the ceremony will be taking place this year though...”

“Me neither, join the club~ anywho, the name is Tommy Pickles, I’m one of the original Nicktoons, my cousin rules the Mother Land....and you are?”

“Sanjay Patel, I’ve always been a fan of old Nicktoon history...I’m very happy to be meeting one of the people who started it all today.”

“Thanks.”

Just then, Brawn Helga came into the room, having a discussion with a slightly older-looking beochan with hair similar to Sanjay’s, but also with green skin too; “Alright boy, this is where you’ll be sharing a room with one of the other beochan here, got it?” she sternly said, looking the boy in the eyes before putting him into the room before mumbling: “And no monkey business, got it?”

He replied, “Yeah yeah, I got you.”

“I just met your roommate Sanjay and he really is a sweet kid.” I said warmly, introducing him to Sanjay, who waved gracefully to him.

“Last name’s Slithers, first name’s Crai-” he tripped and fell on a toy-thing that fell out of either Fabian or ChiChi’s pockets and crashed on to Sanjay, leading both of them squished like pancakes.

“Heheh....I’ll get both of you off the floor.” I said, picking Craig up from the floor as he looked dazed and confused~ on the flip side, Sanjay was grinning like a fool, had swirly cheeks and blank eyes (Hachune face).

Later that night, when we dined the night before we reached...wherever the Nicktoons where going to be crowned, we had a banquet as a pre-welcome party and everyone and their mother was pigging out....okay I was stretching it a bit, only two Nicktoon mothers where on that ship at the time but we all had fun, heck, even Helga was having a good time! I even spotted the two bunk mates, Sanjay and Craig, dishing out some food.

“Aw man, there’s only one hot wing left, bummer...” Craig muttered.

Sanjay, looking down at the (boneless) buffalo wing, suggested: “I’ll let you have it.”

“Don’t you want it? I’d hate to be selfish.” asked the green skinned boy.

“...We can split it then.” The shorter one replied with a sweet smile.

“Deal!”

“You stole the last hot wing, eh?” asked a thuggish Nicktoon, who happened to be a big, buff, punkish-looking robot I hear was known as “Crikey”.

“Aw buzz off, I thought you liked bacon in your homeland!” Craig hissed at the stranger.

“Bring it on, kid.”

Craig grew fangs, had his eyes glow bright red and slowly morphed into a snake that lunged at Crikey, trying to strangle him as the latter was punching him; this lead to the other passengers (myself included) getting hyped up and rowdy on the ship and cheering for a fight, unfortunately, most of us got rowdy and joined in by fighting each other, albeit in a more friendly way but as we got louder and more dangerous, Helga’s good mood faded away and she marched out of the control panel and started scolding virtually everyone for the mess they made~ later on, a fraction of the passengers where put in security as I, along with ChiChi and Fabian where punished by having to clean up the whole ship, plus the mess hall, the ballroom and the security room.

“Make sure the floor is clean enough so I can eat off of it, punks!” she nagged.

“I rather would have gotten fired” I muttered in my head; luckly, my whole night wasn’t ruined, as I did see a really sweet moment when Sanjay came inside to visit Craig, who was punished along with the mischievous passengers who helped out in the chaos.

“Hey Craig, I’m sorry you got locked up in here for the night....maybe I can stay with you until you’re freed.” said Sanjay with a large amount of understandable sympathy since the cell looked like a serious drag.

“Sure, kid.” Craig nodded with a weak smile.

Sanjay sat down and showed him a comic book to cheer him up, it was none other than my absolute favorite one.....

“Aw sweet, I haven’t read KaBlam! in years.” said Craig.

“W-where did you get it!?” I couldn’t help but ask Sanjay as I was geeking out of nostalgia.

“I bought it at a thrift store.” Sanjay smiled; “I always wanted to meet another fan of the KaBlam! comics.”

“Cooooool.”

So we spend the rest of the night laughing away at all the funny stories of aliens, sentient action figures, a little girl who was a total weirdness magnet and of course, the antics of June and Henry, it was like I was a little kid again; who knew a pair of millennials where into that stuff? after that, Sanjay couldn’t help but sneak into the cell and sleep by Craig’s side, with a sleeping bag, he nestled himself up near Craig’s steel bed, after all, they where roommates~ Finally, when me and the little ones were finished with the work, we finally went to our rooms and slept like rocks, thank God too because all that mopping was seriously killing me.

What a day that was, new Nicktoons where ready to join our community, I got to get whisked away along with everyone else to a paradise on the sea, ate all the food I could stuff in my face, joined in on a crazy fight and it seemed that for two of the newbies, it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

🌠To be continued....💖

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morrisbrokaw · 6 years

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What It’s Really Like to Be Single in Your 30s

Being single in your 30s is so many things – it is such a different animal than your 20s. I came up with the idea for this article and I am now about a month and half past my due date because I couldn’t find a way to wholly describe the experience.

Contrary to a lot of articles I have read on this topic lately, it’s a heck of a lot more than not being judged for simultaneously watching The Carrie Diaries and Spencer Pratt’s Instagram story on a Friday night. But, I guess, to be honest – I haven’t quite figured it out – I haven’t mastered anything. After a year and a half, I am still throwing new tricks at situations on a daily basis and realizing, Welp, that didn’t work.

For example, last night I broke up with someone before we actually started dating because we liked each other too much.

So, as I’m pouting at my dining room table in last night’s outfit, here’s what I do know.

Most people know what they want in their 30s. Most people have had some shit in their life at this point that they will carry with them in one way or another for the rest of their life. And, based off of what I have encountered, if someone has gotten this far and has always been “okay,” they’re not living with the kind of passion that I am looking for.

This guy was the first person that I had “it” with, in a year and a half. It was a month-long thing, to be clear – it was short but big. I just couldn’t help but be me with him – everything was easy. I thought I knew what I was looking for, my friends forced me to make lists and I believed what was on the lists was best for me – and then I met him and I thought, What was I thinking? THIS is what I’m looking for. It was one of those whirlwind times in life where every part of my world sped up – emotionally, professionally, and socially – and it was so overwhelming but I didn’t care because it was the best. I was calm. I know you know the feeling – like when you can’t sleep but you somehow feel more awake and alive than normal. You get it.

So, we were basically the same person… professionally as well as with our past lives. His fascinating stories didn’t scare me and mine didn’t scare him – he could keep up with me. We were honest with each other to a fault. We were both in over our heads – I know because I’m me, and every time we were together he would tell me that he wasn’t ready for what we were doing. F’ing honesty. But, I got it, I couldn’t fault him. The feeling he was describing was my reality every day for the last year and a half… until I met him. So, he would say this to me, and then apologize and come back the next instant or the next day with an explanation that fixed it for us.

After three weeks of events, long looks and laughter it came to a screeching halt. He said it one last time and it hit me – he is genuinely not ready for this. Start listening to him, Jenny. I got up off the couch and told him that what was happening wasn’t right for me either and ever so eloquently said that when I walked out the door I was going to “evaporate” from his life. I know, way too dramatic – definitely retiring that saying as of last Saturday.

Sure enough, the texts started coming in the next day and he talked me into seeing him one last time to “talk.”

Here was his explanation: he told me that this last year he had purposely not dated and only focused on himself and he had so much success that he didn’t want it to end. He said when we met (irl – not on an app) he thought he could be ready, but now, he knew that if we kept doing what we were doing, he would start only thinking of me and he would give me all of his time and he wouldn’t have enough left over for himself. My sharp tongue replied with, “Well, that’s your own thing – I would never expect and don’t want all of your time and thoughts. I want my own thing and I would want someone to have their own thing too.” He just looked at me.

I then asked him what he wanted from me – what would his perfect situation be for us?

He replied, “I would want nothing to change, I want to watch movies with you and cuddle with you and sleep with you, but I wouldn’t want to have to think about you at all when you’re not with me.”

Hey dream guy, f you.

I put my face in my hands and forced the tears of shock and disgust into retreat. I lifted my head and looked at him with a feeling that I can only describe as complete worthlessness. Do I throw my old-fashioned in his face? Do I pity him? Is he even worth the breath it would take to have such a discussion? I was shocked into silence.

What I came up with was, “Do you actually think you could do that with me?” Without going into all the details, the consensus was that he could not.

We for some reason ordered yet another old-fashioned after this and talked for another hour.

What’s wrong with me?

We finally left and as we were silently walking down the alley past the garbage and away from bright lights, he, like any dream guy would do, took his hands out of his pockets, turned toward me and grabbed my face with both of his hands and kissed me and kissed me and kissed me until I fell all over again. I couldn’t help it and I didn’t want to help it. I eventually took my hands out of my pockets and kissed him back. He whispered to me, “This can’t end, I don’t want this to end. Don’t let this end. Please come home with me.” And while my face is still in both of his hands, I whispered back, “No.” I put my hands back in my pockets, had one last long look into his eyes and walked away.

I left him standing in the alley. I didn’t turn around. It was awful. It was so awful.

This is dating in your 30s.

I got home, took off my boots, picked up my dog, carried him up the stairs, which clearly took all of my energy because I then got into bed in my black suede skinny jeans and Oscar de la Renta sweater and didn’t wake up until my business partner called me the next morning to chat about what we were going to say on our conference calls we had in a few minutes. One of these calls was with Midwest Living Magazine. They are including our company in an article about making brave and bold design choices. So, the last question they asked us in the interview was for each of us to define what the word brave meant to us. My business partner’s response was, “Being brave is knowing what you want in your life and doing whatever it takes to make that life happen for yourself.”

So perfectly put. And that is what dream guy and I did last night. He was honest about what was best for him in his world right now and I was honest about what I wanted as well.

And just to be clear, this guy is an impressive, kind human being. Somehow, I still think really highly of him. I truly hope that he becomes “okay” with all of this romance stuff and finds what he is looking for. He deserves it. And, I do too.

So, this is the most honest account and description that I can come up with for you about being single in your 30s. All of my other drafts were about attending dinner parties alone and having all of your friends go on couples trips that you would have been on but are no longer invited to.

But, really, it’s about finding your identity and owning your independence and most importantly, taking care of yourself, first – owning your island. It’s about absorbing all of the “supportive” comments and making something of them. Life in your 30s is real and it’s about respecting not only yourself, but what others need at this point in their life too – it’s pretty cool. I’m writing this and realizing that every stage in life shares this trait, and I am willing to own the fact that I’m privileged to be having this realization right now. Being single in your 30s entails all sorts of being happy for others when you are jealous, and in equal parts, digging deep and believing that the life that you are working hard to create for yourself, and are proud of, is still acceptable when your closest friends look at you like you’re an alien.

Life is hard and great at every stage, I’m not going to act like I’m lucky because I only have to do one person’s laundry or that no one eats my leftovers – that’s just silly. I, just like everyone, am lucky at this stage in my life because it’s mine and I get to do what I want with it. Although we can’t always control what happens in our lives, I hope we can all feel brave and empowered enough to know what we truly want and make a promise to ourselves that we’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. Even if the first step toward that is just being honest with ourselves.

–

Image sources: 1 / 2 / 3

Jennifer Jorgensen is an Interior Architect, Designer, and Co-Founder of She She, a wallpaper company. In her spare time, she focuses on the local art scene and frequently heads to the Walker Art Center to give tours. She’s also helping to launch a new contemporary art space, Platform Mpls. All additional time is spent watching New Girl re-runs with her miniature Pekingese, the King of Kingfield, Gremlin Jorgensen.

The post What It’s Really Like to Be Single in Your 30s appeared first on Wit & Delight.

What It’s Really Like to Be Single in Your 30s published first on https://workbootsandshoes.tumblr.com/

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jaxxonpollux · 6 years

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“why do i always pick people that don’t want to be with me?”

this is completely cliche. i know it, probably everybody knows it. it’s something you’d hear on an episode of Degrassi, or maybe occasionally on Full House. poor Uncle Joey, let’s give him a throwaway line to say to, i don’t know, Bob Saget or twin baby Michelle so that they can monologue something heartfelt over our staple sentimental TV show score. that’s like, our thing. or, let’s have this teenager guy say this to his lady bff so she has a reason to look sad and throw herself at him. something that would never happen irl except under desperate circumstances.

and i know why i said it too. not because i truly felt it, in all honesty. i mean, i did felt some semblance of rejection from a variety of people i had spoken to or heard from or looked at in the past 24 hours, but the notion that i’m so pitiful that i’m just “picking the wrong people” and wearing blinders is kind of a a joke. i can just as readily give up on somebody as i can be obsessed with them. it’s some ugly cosmic power i have. i always allude to my vague sense of pride, and that’s a part of it, a refusal to be desperate. i’d rather be alone forever than be desperate! you don’t say things like this because you mean them.

it’s intentionally pitiful. manipulative. again, not a word that i like to wear, but it fits nice and snug around the ol’ waist. and i tap into it even during the smallest interactions. i don’t know why it’s a part of me. maybe it’s the way i was raised, maybe miasma is really a thing, and i’m just converting all of my dad’s alcoholic guilt-trip energy into something equally ugly and not yet as sinister. sometimes a conversation is like an experiment. sometimes you just say things because you wonder about the response, not to get things off your chest.

i said it and she paused for a second, and then said “i’m sorry.” like she was complicit in the crime, a #metoo with an entirely different meaning. an admission that she never wanted to be with me either. which, like, doesn’t really bother me at this point, but it’s interesting to hear people react that way. not a supportive “aw shucks pal, you’ve got the right person for you just around the corner! and besides, i love you tons, c’mere you big pile of marshmallow!”

or maybe she could just smell the manipulation. i do that too, like, when homeless people go on a tangent to explain how much of a christian they are before they ask for money. i met one guy who crossed his chest, pointed at the sky, and made a cross with his fingers all within the span of 5 seconds. it kind of made me feel like a vampire or something. anyway, when you smell a manipulation tactic, the first instinct is always repulsion, and it’s usually the one you go with. maybe that’s why she said what she said the way she said it, a casual brush away. not playing that game. it makes the whole probe kind of a dud, but that happens with probes, doesn’t it?

it’s peculiar, treating conversations like experiments. trying on personalities and characters like masks. you can’t really do that without some kind of cost. it ruins your image, to the people you don’t want to be ruining your image for. you can’t have any fun anymore! as i recently said to someone else i know. there’s no rehearsal when it comes to this kind of stuff. no rewind. you just say it and let yourself be destroyed. for science, i guess.

---

anywho, i think i’m becoming more comfortable with being an awful person. like, just letting the floodgates loose. i had a girlfriend when i was 14 who was very catty and loved to gossip, one day she said she was gonna try not to do that anymore, it made her feel bad. i begrudgingly went along. i think it destroyed the magic. and anyway it didn’t last very long, people can’t really make choices like that for themselves. i mean, maybe some people can. i don’t really know. but i’m just accepting some of those evils now and letting them boil on the stovetop. all the things i try to hide or not be. all the things i don’t want people to see when they look at me. i suppose it’s a victory for “being yourself,” isn’t it? isn’t that the ideal everyone tries to reach? or is that just another piece of teenage tv melodrama advice that doesn’t really mean anything? i saw a clip from the new spider man movies, spider man was like “you’re right, i should just be myself,” and his fat friend was like “c’mon peter, nobody wants that.” he might be right, and maybe a lot of people aren’t themselves because they know they suck.

i still feel like i don’t know who myself is. there are some people out there that spend every waking moment worrying about what other people think about them, about trying to put their best face on every day, trying to be a really good person, under the assumption that it will also make them feel good. be kind, love, and be loved. constantly wondering what the best thing to say is, and constantly drawing a blank. people like me! i feel like half the time i hear somebody i don’t have any reaction inside. it’s not that i have secret hateful thoughts that i bottle up or anything. i just have like, a lot of undeveloped land in there, somehow. i could run a kid over on his bike and shrug it off. i could be having sex with a beautiful woman and not feel a hint of arousal. my mind goes blank a lot.

or maybe i just have a lot of cellophane over certain parts of myself. does that make sense? i haven’t had the experience that required me to unpack that box there in the back. i’m sure if i actually ran over a kid, went to court, had to face their sobbing parents, got slapped around by some interrogating police officer, spent time stewing in a jail cell, my heart would be bleeding with guilt and regret. i just haven’t gotten a chance to make that mistake yet and unlock that part of myself.

or maybe when i’m faced with things that i ought to care about, a big shield pops up, a wave of protection, and everything goes blank. a sort of dissociation, which i really hate in other people when i want to know them, but maybe it’s something that i have too. like a wall of fear that doesn’t let anything in or out. it’s paralyzing, being put in a situation, and not knowing what you would do in that situation. your head doesn’t let you know the next step, so you wait there, dumb and sweating. it’s only until directly after that everything comes flowing through, kind of like that “oh, THIS is what i should have said, this is what i should have done” feeling that is so incredibly common in everybody.

or maybe i’ve just locked the front door, but the back door is still wide open. and things only get to me through specific channels, ones that i wouldn’t normally count on but are tried and true. i don’t know what i’m doing in a bed with someone, but i come alive naked in front of a webcam. i’m a wallflower at parties, unless i get a specific concoction of drugs and drinks in me that pulls everything out, wit charm guts and all. i can’t talk for shit, but i can write up a real enthralling tale. who knows what’s going on in there?

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i feel like i’ve been trying to get to know this girl through the back door, the front door is locked. like, talking to her, when she makes herself available (scarcely), doesn’t bring me any closer to knowing her. KNOWING her, whatever the hell that means. so instead i’ve been digging around in everything she tells me she ever liked, movies she watched, books she read, things that had a profound effect on her. trying to put together machine parts and figuring out what potions were sloshed together to make her. it’s a backwards way of trying to get to know someone.

i want to get to know people by living with them. i feel like it’s the purest way, learning a person’s diet and mannerisms and how often they do the dishes. it says a lot about how someone feels inside, i think, the time they wake up for work, or the food they have for lunch. every person i’ve ever met, i wish i had gotten to live with them for a while. i want those nitty gritty details, i thrive off of them. sometimes i even want to become people for a while, like some psychotic twist on method acting.

actually, that’s probably not true. i tried to think of why i would want to be somebody else and it’s just exhausting. and i think i only want to understand other people so i can shape myself to be the best for them, again that kind of manipulative “i’m trying my best to be perfect for you” desire. the problem is, i’m never going to figure anyone out, and even if i did, i don’t think i have the proper judgment to decide what would be best for them either. i need to figure out a better way to interact with people, clearly. letting people just be themselves and not thinking about it drives me nuts sometimes, but it’s obviously the best. i just don’t want to be one of those Men that goes through life steam rolling everyone else under whatever my personality ends up being, just being unabashedly unashamedly “myself.” that kind of person gets on my nerves too. i get the feeling some people really love that kind of person, but oh here i go again trying to decide on “kinds of people” like i’m trying on shoes.

it’s honestly a mess. maybe i’ll grow out of it. like maybe i’ll have a kid and the only person i’m allowed to be is a good dad, for the rest of my life. there’s some comfort in that, knowing who you gotta be and just committing to it. right now, i could still be anybody. i don’t know if i’m a baker or a writer. i don’t know if i’m an artist or a mindless consumer. i don’t know if i’m a bad boyfriend, a libertarian, a genderfluid fruit basket, or just a total sack of shit. and that really bothers me. i mean, obviously.

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