#thecicadasong
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i did that one part from ur oneshot in particular bc i love ur writing so
#go read it if u haven't already#cj is v talented#scribbles#kleinphy#im srry this lowkey looks kinda lazy now that i'm looking at it sjnfgasjgdsf >D#deh#jared kleinman#connor murphy#thecicadasong
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83 kleinsen?
83. “I didn’t want you to see this.”
Evan’s phone has barely stopped ringing for the past three days. He’s been getting calls around the clock — from the Murphys, from his mom, from Alana even though she’d ignored his calls for half of that time, and from dozens and dozens of phone numbers without names attached, people he doesn’t know saying things he doesn’t want to hear. He learned pretty quickly not to answer those, and a little later how to block the ones that have called already, though new numbers keep popping up.
But he’s still surprised when his phone starts vibrating yet again and the caller ID displays Jared’s name.
Jared shouldn’t want to talk to him. Jared should never want to speak to him again, should be going out of his way to avoid him, should hate him like anyone would if they knew as much about him as Jared does —
His phone goes silent. And promptly resumes buzzing.
Evan sits through a second and a third call from Jared, staring at the smudged screen and silently willing him to just take the hint already. When a fourth call comes in, he gives up and swipes to answer, bracing himself to be shouted at.
There’s only silence at the other end of the line — no, not quite silence, he can hear breathing, just no one speaking. Maybe Jared’s called him by accident. Four times in a row.
“Uh… Jared?” he tries, and gets a sharp breath that fills one ear with static in response.
“Evan?”
Who else would it be? “Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you pick up the first time?” Jared sounds strange, words clipped and dull, voice taut like a rubber band stretched nearly to breaking.
I hate phone conversations and most of the calls I’ve gotten recently have been people telling me how awful I am and that was how our last face-to-face interaction went so why would you be any different? “I don’t know.”
“You…” Clicking noises fill the pause, probably Jared’s MacBook keyboard that’s always been annoyingly loud. “You wrote that? All of it?”
Evan drops his head into his free hand. Of course it’s about the letter, everything is now, and Jared would have splashed it all over the Internet first if he’d had the chance. He said so himself. “You know I did.”
“I didn’t know what it said.”
“I didn’t want you to see this.” The letter is right in front of him, plastered on one of half a dozen Connor Project sites, but even if it weren’t, the words never leave him. I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of… something. I wish that anything I said mattered — “Or anyone.”
“No wonder.”
Evan officially has no idea where this is going. “Did you… want something?”
An interminable silence.
“Will you be in school on Monday?”
The thought of returning to school — whether that means being heaped with praise for raising all that money for the orchard, or facing another barrage of hatred for lying to everyone around him, hatred he fully deserves — makes his stomach churn and his hands shake. “I don’t know, I might not —”
“Just… don’t do anything stupid.” Their connection must be bad, because Jared’s voice is breaking up and wavering now. “Please?”
“…Okay.”
The line goes dead.
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yeah you're definitely right on that one, I could see it better in the "we should... get stoned in my basement!" part. something about "my moms arent home". sighs. At Least He's Got Two Moms..... I suppose
i think thatd be a perfect place to put it actually. it would sound a lot less forced too imo....... like way more natural. the way they have it now also just sounds like “well look, michael has TWO MOMS!! :)” while saying like “my moms arent home tonight, we should get stoned in my basement” makes a lot more sense and just sounds way more natural?
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thecicadasong replied to your post: i kinda picture you as will roland but with lars’...
I too picture you as lars….. it’s a good look
oh hell yeah babeyyyyyy!! love that guy i’m on my laptop who Knows how many random lars screenies i’ve got. let’s throw one down a Me Boy
oh this classic
#thecicadasong#i tell you i'm just Reliving it encountering ppl with the saaaaaaame godawful takes abt this other high schooler who they find unpleasant...#seeing ppl malign jared and being like Aw Shit Here We Go Again#but on the other hand it just means i've trained up for this you fools
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thecicadasong replied to your post “Both Zoe and Evan are bisexual, confirmed by me”
them dating is mlm/wlw solidarity
you’ve really hit the nail on the head there
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18, kleinsen? :3c
things you said when you were scared
“We’re not friends,” Jared says, again, as he fiddles with his phone. It’s not the first time he’s said it and it certainly won’t be the last, and if he keeps repeating it out loud maybe one day one of them will believe it. “My mom’s been on my back about me not hanging out with you, though, so. You’re welcome.”
Evan barely reacts, hums a mild-mannered agreement and looks straight past him, watches the world pass the two of them by like Jared’s words doesn’t mean a thing. He’s either not listening or is deliberately ignoring him, and either way Jared wants to reach out him and shake him bodily.
“Evan,” Jared says, typing something out on his phone so it looks like he’s busy. “You could at least pretend you’re paying attention to me. I’m the one making a sacrifice here, I have other places I could be.”
Evan’s gaze drifts over to him, casual and slow, like he’s only just recognising he’s being spoken to at all.
It was intentional, the lack of response, Jared’s sure now, because there’s an annoyance simmering low behind his blank expression, so quiet it’s almost nonexistent. Jared can tell, though, he always can - this time from the pointed way Evan’s refusing to fidget, his hands curled atop the table between them. He always fidgets. It’s only when he’s making a concentrated effort not to that there’s a problem.
“We’re not friends,” Evan repeats, impassively. “Yeah, Jared, I think I got it the first time.”
His voice doesn’t shake at all. Jared waits for the other shoe to drop, for the what-comes-next, and feels a weight hang low in his stomach when Evan stops talking.
Something feels wrong. Something feels like it’s tearing its way up Jared’s throat, viscous and burning. He swallows, and it feels like he’s keeping down acid.
He coughs, just a little, and then tries vainly to catch Evan’s gaze. He fails, and then he tries again, and a third time, like if he makes enough of a point of it Evan might give in and let him win this one. He doesn’t, keeps staring through him, and Jared feels suddenly wrong-footed, like he’d had all his lines prepared and now everyone’s gone off-script. Like the rest of the world decided they were going to improvise instead, and now he’s left there floundering alone, spotlighted.
“Hey,” Jared starts, because if he says the right thing Evan might pay attention to him again.
Evan stands up from the table instead, before Jared’s figured out how he’s going to play his hand, and waves at someone. Jared doesn’t turn around, because turning around would mean he cares about what Evan’s doing, and he doesn’t.
...It’s Zoe, though, Jared can tell without bothering to look behind him, without wanting to know in the first place. Evan’s expression opens up as he watches, unfurls, the tense curve of his mouth lifting, tension Jared hadn’t even noticed disappearing like a magic trick, instantaneous.
He doesn’t bother trying to reach out, to finish his sentence as Evan leaves wordlessly, just lets it hang in the air like dead noise. He wouldn’t have been listening anyway.
#jury.zip#ask#thecicadasong#jury.docx#HM.... im very sleep deprived so im sure there are lots of things wrong with this but i wanted to put something out there#before i start on this damned essay again
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83 + pinkberry!
83. “Do you want to be my valentine?”
Chloe and Brooke were sitting on Brooke’s floor and working on their Physics homework together because Brooke was actually really good at math and science and Chloe would actually probably be failing if it weren’t for her assistance, partially due to their incompetent excuse for a teacher. It was February 14th, but, unlike most of their friends, they were both painfully single.
Though Chloe had spent the previous Valentine’s Day with Jake and that hardly counted anyway, seeing as she had since realized that she never had really been attracted to him in the first place. She just thought she was supposed to be.
The funniest part of it all was, here she was, spending the day with the person that she most wanted to spend it with, just not in the way that she wanted. Because Brooke liked guys. Brooke liked guys and Chloe liked Brooke and Chloe wasn’t supposed to like girls at all, but she had come to realize that she had never liked boys in the first place.
“How’re you doing with problem three?” Brooke asked, glancing over to Chloe. “You’ve been staring angrily at your worksheet for like three minutes now.”
Chloe shrugged nonchalantly and looked to the problem. “I can’t figure out what the velocity in the y-direction at the top of the curve is.”
“Are you serious, Chlo?” Brooke asked.
She blinked at her blankly. “Yes?”
“Okay, so velocity in the y-direction is the speed up and down,” Brooke reminded her. “So, when an object is at its maximum height, which way is it moving?”
“In the x-direction?” she guessed.
“Which means the velocity in the y-direction is?” she asked.
“Zero?” Chloe guessed once again.
“Yes!” Brook exclaimed excitedly. “See, Chloe, you can do physics. You just have to take some time and think it out.”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and ask you for help every five minutes.”
“You know I don’t mind,” Brooke reminded her. “After all, you’re like the most important person in my life.”
For a moment, Chloe’s breath caught in her throat, but she swallowed it down and smiled confidently. “Yeah, I know.”
Brooke looked at her with an unreadable expression for a moment. “I have a question for you.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to be my valentine?” she asked after a breath.
Yes, Chloe’s mind screamed, but she knew it was too good to be true. After all, Brooke liked boys. At best, she was asking her to be her friend-valentine. At worst-
“Is that just supposed to be a pun on my last name?” Chloe asked with an eyebrow raised.
Brooke’s eyes widened in shock. “I- Chloe, I didn’t even think of that.”
“Oh,” she said softly. “Well, I don’t have anyone else to be my valentine and you are my best friend, so-”
“Chloe, no,” Brooke interjected, taking a deep breath. “I mean that I like you. Like as more than just a friend.”
“But you like boys,” Chloe replied, a bit confused. “And, like, I know Rich is bi and everything, but you’ve never said anything about liking girls.”
“That’s because you’re the first girl I’ve really liked,” Brooke confessed. “And I was scared to tell you, but now I was just like ‘screw it.’ I can’t pine in secret forever. So, I like you, will you be my valentine?”
Chloe smiled widely and nodded, grasping one of Brooke’s hands in her own. “Yes, Brooke. I’ll be your valentine.”
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im always like "wait isn't that person big in the taz fandom?" (you might not be i have no idea i just for some reason assume) "why are they following me but COOL"
oh wild!! idk if im actually big in the taz fandom, or if i just have a good url lol
as for why im following you, its cause of grimehands and also the fact that youve got good bmc/deh content
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you give off Kind and Soft vibes... also zoe Murphy vibez
I am So glad I give off those vibes to you
The exact vibes I wanna give off always
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❤️ ily
Mutuals send me a ❤️ & I'll compliment you.
You are such a sweet and intelligent person??? You know how to write so well and are so supportive of people you know (or even don’t really know)??? You’re very dedicating and loving too, and it’s just??? It’s so inspiring??? CJ you’re just so cool and I’m so happy we’re mutuals and that you think well of me and I’m????
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👥 h-hewwo?
you…… ur Lesbian. and this is not criticism so i’m breaking the rules a bit but You Have Lesb
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LISTEN we can spitefully fill the kleinphy tags ourselves if we gotdam have to... create our own Content bc there is none out there >:’’’(((
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oof hey i hope i'm not bothering you, and i asked jury this already (and deffo got a good answer but i need all the info i can get because i am crushingly insecure)- do you have any tips on characterizing/writing the deh characters? i struggle with it immensely and I have no idea why, and you're one of my favorite writers for this fandom. so. no pressure to respond i was just curious!
sure! the only characters i write regularly/feel confident in writing are evan, jared, and alana, so those are the characters i’ll talk about the most, but i’ll try to say something for all of them. also this will feature a good number of quotes from writers’ notes (here) and interviews because those are the main sources i draw on for characterization after, you know, actual canon
evan
Smart, sincere, and cripplinglyself-conscious, Evan prefers to hover in the background, asupporting player in his own life, too afraid to step forward into thespotlight and risk ridicule or, what might be worse, no one noticinghim at all.
this description captures a lot of the things i think are key about evan, but one big thing it’s missing is that he’s kind of an asshole. he usually has good intentions, and he tries to be inoffensive and considerate and Nice, but he sucks at that because it’s just not how he naturally is. he’s bitter and angry about a lot of things - his lack of friends, jared (ostensibly) not caring about him or taking him seriously, heidi rarely being present, and perhaps most of all, his own perception of himself as “broken” and a burden, which he genuinely believes that heidi agrees with and that everyone else would if they knew what he was truly like. he’s frequently sarcastic and occasionally pedantic (see: “president” “co-president” and “it’s sula” “what did i say?” “sulu”). but these are things he doesn’t like about himself, which is why he tries to be either Nice or invisible, especially when he feels uncomfortable. the times when he’s most comfortable acting like himself are, in my opinion, when he’s just with jared, who in turn finds it most fun to spend time with evan when he’s not putting up a front.
major pet peeves in fic: being written as a ~delicate anxious bean uwu~ or anything along those lines; dialogue with stuttering that doesn’t resemble his actual speech patterns at all; making a big deal out of him using profanity; portraying his relationship with jared as evan just letting himself get pushed around until someone (usually connor) comes in to bravely show evan that He Doesn’t Deserve That
jared
Droll and sarcastic,Jared claims to be forced by his parents to hang out with familyfriend Evan, for whom he ostensibly has nothing but disdain.Jared covers his own obvious insecurities with a well-practicedbraggadocio and a know-it-all arrogance.
I think this is the playlist that Jared puts on in the morning on the first day of school to pump himself up for the day… Ultimately he’s terrified of going back to school, but he’s trying to psych himself up. … Every one of these songs is a JAM. No ballads here. And they’re all slightly sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek songs about unrequited love. Jared can relate to that. [x]
Jared Kleinman is too cool for the music of the times. He is proudly a walking 90’s movie… but he doesn’t mind sneaking a little of his parents Manischewitz and listening to a dusty Bette Midler record. [x]
(there are like a dozen interviews with will roland that i could cite here but that’s practically a post unto itself)
the best way i can sum up all the major points of jared’s characterization is that there’s always a reason for the things he says. he doesn’t make harsh remarks to be deliberately cruel or mean; he’s either pointing out an uncomfortable but important truth, or he’s aiming to make a joke and inadvertently crossing the line. when he does make jokes, it’s often another way of delivering the truth, an attempt to get people to laugh and thereby validate that he’s clever/funny/worthy, or an effort to deflect something that makes him uncomfortable or scared. redirection, derision, and showing off are some of his major defensive tactics; he doesn’t do self-deprecation out loud, but he is, as will has said, repressed and self-hating. he and evan are similarly asshole-ish, but where evan tries to hide it, jared tries to hide behind it.
he wants people to be impressed by him in general, but he really wants evan in particular to think well of him and be his friend and openly care about him - the problem is that jared can’t bring himself to openly care about evan, because that entails emotional honesty & vulnerability that he’s just not prepared to deal with. hence their interaction on the first day of school, and then jared agreeing to help evan more and more with his increasingly complex lie despite claiming not to care. (the key word in that first quote is “ostensibly.”) when he is actually is at ease (which is pretty rare, at least in canon), he’s a bit of a drama queen, which evan may pretend to be annoyed by but quietly enjoys.
major pet peeves in fic: being written as straight and/or homophobic and/or leaping to make jokes about how evan and connor are Clearly Doing It immediately after finding out that they’re becoming friends (as if he isn’t utterly convinced that evan is 100% straight); making excessive/forced references and jokes to modern pop culture/memes (everything he shouts out in any form of canon is at least ten years old and usually decades old, and that doesn’t happen often anyway); relentlessly treating evan like shit/being incredibly domineering in their friendship; constant bickering with connor; calling evan “hansen” all the time when he only ever addresses him as “evan” (or, like, “dude” or “bro” or “son”) and even only does THAT when he’s especially emotional or letting his guard down; just generally giving him dialogue that in no way resembles his actual, very distinctive speech patterns
(i have. a lot of thoughts and feelings about jared)
alana
Alana is an incredibly genuineperson. Everything she does comes from a place of deephonesty and tremendous feeling. All of the characters inthis musical put up masks of sorts. For Alana, it’s a façadeof cheerfulness. She is always ready with a smile, a note ofencouragement. This hides the loneliness underneath.
often prone to melodrama, high school senior Alana has few friends but lacks the self-awareness to understand why; beneath her extroverted demeanor, Alana is in fact haunted by a terrible and abiding loneliness; tired of always being an outsider, Alana seizes the death of a classmate as an opportunity finally to find a sense of belonging. [x]
Study break! … Alana spend a lot of time in the books. This playlist allows her to either kick back, have a lip sync battle, or a jam session. … We have classic up beats like ‘Uptown Funk’ by Bruno Mars cause she loves to dance and be silly. She’s also a romantic. Girl reads Jane Austen, so a nice healthy batch of love songs to daydream to. She’s also a feminist! So naturally Beyoncé has the perfect perfect pump up jams for the feminist in us all.
alana has Big Feelings, and they drive all her actions. she wants to achieve great things and succeed in life, yes, but more importantly, she wants to help people and make the world a better place. when she commits to a course of action, it’s because she truly believes that it’s the right or most beneficial thing to do in the end, even if the means themselves are questionable. much like jared, she struggles with vulnerability and connection with other people, and often tries to form connections with other people by making herself seem more impressive, but unlike jared, she also tries to build up and support other people, rather than tearing them down. she’s also committed to supporting Truth in a general sense, and struggles when this comes into conflict with Doing The Right Thing. this is especially obvious after good for you, when she resigns herself to continuing the fundraiser even though she’s certain it’s based on a lie.
all of this makes alana seem incredibly serious, but that’s not the entire picture. she strives to be upbeat and optimistic, and even when she’s not trying, she loves to have fun! she likes to be silly and tell jokes and laugh at other people’s jokes and daydream about finding a great romance! she thought “fuck finn” was the height of comedy! she’s not a killjoy!
i also hold with kristolyn lloyd’s theory that alana was very close with her grandmother and struggled with feeling unable/not allowed to openly grieve her death, or to express any kind of loneliness or other strong negative emotion. however, i do not hold with kristolyn’s theory that alana had a crush on connor, because alana is a lesbian.
major pet peeves in fic: being written as pedantic and joyless; overly formal dialogue (she’s perfectly capable of using colloquialisms and slang) in which she is never sarcastic, ever (she absolutely can be when she’s frustrated)
zoe
a sensitive, sophisticated high school junior; cool without realizing it, Zoe could care less about the status games and popularity rites of high school; funny and bright, she has grown up in the long shadow cast by her volatile older brother, Connor, tyrannized along with the rest of her family by his out-of-control behavior; few rooms are as familiar to her as the inside of a family therapist’s office; Zoe compensates for her brother’s darkness by striving to be warm, nice to everyone, the kind of person who goes out of her way to learn the names of the kids who sit by themselves at lunch; she feels a terrible ambivalence over her brother’s death, finding it difficult to forgive him for all he did, and at the same time forgive that part of herself that feels nothing but relief in the fact that he’s gone.
this sums up just about everything i could say, but i will add: the disembodied voice calling zoe a “stuck-up bitch” during ywbf reprise is NOT a voice you’re supposed to agree with.
major pet peeves: anything that states/suggest that zoe is a bitch; those connor/evan fix-it fics with background zoe/alana where the premise of zoe and alana’s relationship is “they’ve actually been best friends this whole time!!” even though this contradicts canon on multiple levels
connor
An angry, disaffectedloner, Connor has been a troubled kid for as long as anyone canremember, an enigma and a source of endless consternation to hislong-suffering parents and sister.
i honestly don’t have much to say about connor, because i don’t think about him very often, but i will say that:
- if your portrayal of him can be described as “edgy,” you’re probably doing something wrong. he’s just as awkward and anxious as evan, it just manifests very differently
- him addressing evan as “hansen” all the time is admittedly much more plausible than jared doing it, but still just as annoying
heidi
Overworkedand stretched too thin, Heidi loves her son fiercely, but fears theyhave begun to grow apart. She is prepared to do anything to repairthe damage.
heidi’s torn between trying to connect with evan and trying to provide a better life for him, because for her, achieving the latter currently requires spending too many hours away from home to really achieve the former. that’s why she’s so upset and demands to know what’s going on in evan’s life when he seems to be acting out of character and doing things she doesn’t expect him to do - she feels she’s being left out of the loop. much like alana, she strives for optimism, trying to find the bright side of any situation. and, as steven levenson pointed out in the annotated script (regarding the line about fabulous tips that evan’s stepmother may or may not have made from cocktail waitressing), she doesn’t have a fully developed sense of healthy boundaries, which is an interesting nuance that tends to get lost in fics that flatten her out into a generic Cool Mom. she’s trying to raise a teenager while not wanting to fully grow up herself.
cynthia
To Evan, she seems to be the perfect mother, nurturing, available,and willing to talk about anything. To her own children, it’s a bitmore complicated.
evan idealizes all the murphys, and cynthia is no exception. she tries her hardest to be a good and accessible mother, but she’s deeply dissatisfied with being just a mother. she works to support and empathize with connor, and to remember him positively after his death, but she frequently neglects and minimizes zoe and her problems in the process.
larry
Though often tense and taciturn, Larry shows a different face tothe world, representing for Evan the dad he always wished for:strong, confident, and, more than anything, reliable, someone to becounted on.
is larry going to call his children slurs or disown them/kick them out of the house for being lgbt? no. is he going to research How To Interact With Your LGBT Child and drive connor and zoe to the local pride parade? also no. the once-popular (and possibly still popular?) characterization of him as a demon straight from the ninth circle of hell is just as inaccurate as evan’s perception of him as the World’s Greatest Dad.
i hope this helps! and thank you for asking - i really enjoyed answering this, and i’d be happy to expand on most of these points if you want.
#inbox#thecicadasong#dear evan hansen#evan hansen#jared kleinman#alana beck#zoe murphy#connor murphy#heidi hansen#cynthia murphy#larry murphy#sometimes i write
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mel I thought u were gonna reblog that squipemy post w.o any commentary for a couple seconds and my life flashed before my eyes
oh god n o 😰 i’m so sorry for any grief i may have caused u
#i didn't wanna reblog from op for exactly that reason as well as i don't really like giving ppl i don't like notes on their bad takes#but in this case i also didn't want op to think that they were right based on a lack of direct responses dfgjdsfg#just know that usually if i reblog a post that seems sketchy and kinda uncharacteristic of me it's most likely me being Fighty in response#or else my account has been hacked but that has never happened before so it seems unlikely#thecicadasong
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hohhohghhh and not to message you Incessantly but you're the #1 winston billions fan I know so I MUST ask do my ears deceive me (I have auditory processing disorder or some shit) or does he say "yes queen" in the interview scene... like I'm losing my fucking marbles The Man Is Not Straight
oh message me incessantly about all this me and @nothingunrealistic are spearheading the Winston Stan Society
your ears do not deceive you he does, in fact, say “yas queen” while shifting nervously…..the uhhh chronology of billions is a bit….vague? is it the 90s? the 00s? current day? i can’t say. but some things suggest that it might be 00s in which case this wasn’t Mainstream Vernacular. also? even if it Is current day, like, no straight guy is gonna say that. there’s no indication he’s being ~ironic~ or whatever. he’s gay
plus he’s just got Will Roland Fashion again, which happens to be a pretty gay Look
plus, he’s gay
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marina you understand that nobody will buy it if you say you're straight right
What Ever Could You Mean? I’ve been a hettie since the day I was born!
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