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avehi-the-adamant · 4 years

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Arathi Meetup

It was a beautiful day in Arathi. Raetos took a moment to take it all in. The fields still held signs of the battles that had been waged during the faction war: broken siege engines, catapults, pieces of armor and weapons scattered about. Still, nature was already beginning to reclaim the land, the grass spreading and growing tall to cover up the ground beaten down by cavalry. The sky was a perfect blue, not a cloud in sight.

He allowed his companion to graze in the fields as he made his way into the ruins of Stromgarde. While parts had been reclaimed and rebuilt by the Alliance in the war, there was still a large part left untouched. The Lightforged’s hoof steps were surprisingly light for someone his size, moving through the environment without a sound. Compared to the Fel environment of Argus, this was nothing.

He’d certainly seen a lot of what beauties Azeroth had to offer in his hunts for Avehi. First Northrend, then Pandaria, and now the Eastern Kingdoms. He wondered if Kalimdor would be next. She was easy enough to track down now. Surely, she felt relaxed enough not to try and cover up her tracks. That, and he was well attuned to her cold and necrotic aura.

He moved around a wall and unharnessed his rifle, having filled it with special rounds for his prey. He propped it up on the stone ledge, looking through the scope as the Ebon Knight came into view. He smiled, seeing her, already feeling his insides stir in anticipation. He took a moment to slow his heart rate, aiming carefully at her chest….

...And fired off a couple of pink paint rounds.

*Splorch! Splotch!*

Slowly, Avehi looked down at her chest plate. She didn’t so much feel the paint round hit, as low impact as it was on her plated armor, but the sound caught her attention on its own. She snarled as she beheld the fresh pink stain on her tabard-- one of her prized possessions. Avehi had kept this tabard clean and serviceable for years following her demise. Washing it, sewing up holes and tears, and overall maintaining it as meticulously as she maintained her armor, weapons, and even herself! And now… paint? She eyed the stain’s splatter, judging well enough the trajectory of the projectile that did this, and turned her gaze up towards the stone ledge.

“Raetos!”

The Death Knight reached out her hand, calling upon the necrotic power she had mastered over the years to reach out for him. A shadowy tear ripped through the space between them in a harsh and jagged line as the darkness gripped at the Lightforged. She pulled at him, yanking him down from his perch towards her! She could immediately feel the tingle of his opposing Light suffusing as the tendrils of darkness connected between them… and couldn’t help but smirk.

“Hehe! Gotcha!”

Raetos grinned widely, victoriously. Like a child who’d just won a game. Even having just been yanked over by Avehi’s creepy magic, he couldn’t help but be in a good mood.

“I’m gonna be straight with you. Had no idea you could do that. Creepy as fuck, but pretty cool move.”

He reached out to loop an arm around her waist to pull her against him.

“What other surprises do you have in store for me, My Lady?”

“Tch… only a fool would reveal all their tricks at once, yes?” she grinned back at the Lightforged, his playful mood contagious.

Nonetheless, she pushed away from him, putting a bit of distance between them as she looked around. Her icy gaze scanned over the entry paths, and other stone outcroppings like the one on which she’d spotted Raetos. Her tail twitched warily for a moment, before she returned her attention to the other Draenei.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, bluntly. “You came alone?”

“Pff! Of course I came alone! You think I’m stupid or something?”

As she moved away to look around, he couldn’t help but fire another paintball into her thigh at close range. He’d managed to keep a firm hold on the rifle in one hand despite her surprising magic.

“Hah! Gotcha again! Man, you would be extra dead if Argonas was still on your trail. Dude, that guy is PISSED!”

She scowled at Raetos, letting out a huff.

“Enough of that. Or it’ll be the only kind of round you ‘unload’ today.” she warned him.

Getting shot again hadn’t soured her mood, but the mention of Argonas certainly had. She took another quick glance around the worn-down fortress, before turning and stepping inside a nearby decrepit old building-- motioning for Raetos to follow, of course.

From the look of it, the structure used to be a house. Possibly an inn. The mantleplace was the only part still more or less intact. Floorboards were warped and uneven, stairs were chipped and eroded, and the only furnishings left were a well-built table, a few chairs, and a faded chaise lounge that probably looked really fancy in its prime. She drew Rokaa from its holster with a light flourish, spinning it once before she leaned it against the fireplace. Then, she drew a small cloth from her inner pocket.

“I’m not surprised Argonas is upset. You spoke with him, then?” she asked, as she began to wipe the paint off her thigh. “I’m not pleased it took Khanaros’ orders to keep him from interfering, but I suppose it’s preferable over sending him to join his wife directly…”

Raetos’ tail swayed as he followed the Ebon Knight into the tiny inn. He still couldn’t get over how small humans built things… still, it would do well enough. He walked over and placed his rifle down next to the hammer, before drawing his sword and doing the same.

“Oh, those orders aren’t gonna stop him,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “Bumped into him at the bar. He told me all about it. I had to talk him out of hunting you down, despite the Grand Vindicator’s orders. Bought you some time, telling him I’d keep an eye on you and report any illegal activity you might be doing out here.”

He shot her a smirk, “So, you’re welcome.”

“Mm, I’m so sure.” Avehi rolled her eyes, as she finished wiping down her legplate.

Next came the tabard, which she knew would be harder to clean. Still, it had to be done before the stain set. She pulled it up over her head, and laid it out on the table. She pressed her hand to the paint splotch, palm growing cold with icy power. The paint solidified, and became easy enough to slowly scrape off in solid chunks before setting into the fabric.

“I know Argonas well. A command from Khanaros is the end of it, for him.” she nodded. “What did he really say about all this?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But the guy has gone unhinged! He thinks you and Mierne are working together and are controlling the High Vindicator. He feels it’s his duty to deal out justice because he accuses Khanaros of being unable to make proper decisions because of Mierne. The guy is going rogue. Gotta say that Mierne chick sounds hot. Did you know she seduced Argonas on more than one occasion?”

“Mm, I’m well aware…”

She continued chipping off the last of the paint from her tabard, casually. Waiting for Raetos to chuckle and finally tell her what really happened. But as the silence drew out between them, she turned, brow furrowed.

“... You’re serious, then? Argonas really thinks that?”

She set her tabard aside, and stepped towards the Lightforged.

“What exactly did he tell you?”

Raetos blinked, looking confused, “I just told you. He said the High Vindicator’s judgement is skewed because of his relationship with Mierne. He told me that it was up to us to bring about ‘the Light’s justice’ ourselves. I told him he couldn’t just go against orders and had to be patient. I told him the best course of action was for him to stay put, because everyone knows how emotional he’s being about all this, and in exchange, I would stay close to you and report any illegal activity, creepy raising corpses excluded, obviously.”

He went about removing his shoulder gear, followed by his gauntlets.

“I mean, you want his exact words?”

He puffed up his chest, placing his hands on his hips and giving his best Argonas impression.

“The High Vindicator is not of sound judgment in this matter! He is far too close to the issue to be impartial! It falls to us to do what he is unwilling to do. It is our responsibility to see justice is met, Raetos!”

He shot Avehi a grin, “How was that?”

Avehi blinked. She nodded slowly, unable to help but be impressed by Raetos’ eerily accurate impression of Argonas. She almost had a mind to put that incredible mimicry to better use, if she weren’t so upset with the subject at the moment...

“Pretty good, I guess.” she shrugged. “But that doesn’t bode well. If he’s so upset that he’s willing to go against the High Vindicator about this…”

She trailed off, continuing the thought internally. Raetos was right; he was clearly unhinged if he was considering such possibilities! The Light was dangerous enough, but Avehi had put faith in Khanaros, at least, limiting how it was deployed. But if an emotionally unstable Vindicator like Argonas was talking about starting to take the Light’s justice into his own hands, that was dangerous. For everyone. She sighed; only one clear solution came to mind. Argonas was too dangerous to be kept alive.

Her gaze flickered back to Raetos, as a soft smile crossed her lips.

“You… did that for me? Talked him down so he wouldn’t keep coming after me, himself?” she asked, stepping in a little closer to Raetos. “Thank you, Raetos. Truly. That means… well. It means quite a bit, that you’d intervene on my behalf.”

The Lightforge’s face flushed, and he brought a hand behind his head. His tail swayed widely behind him in excitement, knocking over a chair.

“Well… I mean. I enjoy spending time with you. And while I admit I don’t understand a thing about all this world of the dead and raising people business, if the High Vindicator thinks it’s worth looking into, then so do I. I don’t want to see you hurt, and if staying close to you means keeping Argonas off your trail for a while, then win-win, right? Temporary, I know. But… gives us time.”

A mixture of emotions fell over Avehi. Flattery and gratitude, of course. But spoiling them both came a sense of worry. Of concern, aside from the new ones brought on by this information about Argonas. No, concern that perhaps Raetos was taking things too seriously between them. Just what was he expecting through all this? She had begun to enjoy the time they spent together as well, but… she couldn’t see herself going to such lengths to prolong the time and opportunities for them to meet up and get intimate with one another.

All these feelings, of course, remained well hidden behind her facade. She remained smiling softly as she beheld the Lightforged, glowing like a beacon in the dimly-lit and run-down house. She tried to put it from her mind, instead electing to believe he was simply being selfish; maneuvering amongst Argonas and others to maximize his chances to get laid. Surely that was part of - hopefully all - he was going to such lengths to accomplish. And for his efforts, he surely earned one such chance here and now.

Without another word, she stepped in, pressing her cold, plated body against his as she claimed his lips with a kiss. Her hand came up behind his head, fingers gripping at his hair to pull him into the intimate gesture. Her other slipped to his side, tugging at his girdle while she began to grind her hips against his. This was all she really wanted with him. And all he really wanted with her, too.

… Right?

#character story #Raetos #Arathi Highlands #Argonas the Ironclad #Mierne the Persevering #Khanaros the Inexorable #Warcraft #Draenei #Death Knight #Vindicator #WoW

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vaishino · 4 years

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Encyclopedias Esoterica - Staxxy and The Necessary Power

The claws of the undead beast shoot out of the ground dramatically, scraping the cold stone floor as it climbs from its tomb beneath Scholomance. It creeps toward the group and time seems to slow to a halt. All colour drains from the world as the beast approaches them. With a slow purposeful movement, the zombie’s unworldly maw opens and closes around Hypna, and Staxxy is powerless to stop it.

She bolts upright in bed, heart jackhammering in her chest like a piston. The same dream. Every night since Scholomance. She looks over to see Hypna sleeping soundly and tries to catch her breath.

------

A small house stands on the shores of the Forbidding Sea. The sand blows by underneath, passing between the stilts that hold the domicile up. It’s a lonely house. A simple house. That’s its purpose. It doesn’t get much attention from spirits or demons or mages for that matter. What would someone with their eye on the world stage have to do with a house like this?

Staxxy appears with a shimmering magical light on the sun bleached wood of the modest home on the shore. She'd been here in the past of course. Vexxon’s house. Probably the reason why her younger sister had taken such a liking to the sand and the sea. Staxxy's memories were different. She knew the sour mood, and the quiet trip home that always followed a trip here in her youth. Eventually they stopped coming altogether. Big brother eventually got the hint, that his closest sibling, age-wise at least, just wasn’t interested in the family business.

Vexxon doesn’t bat an eye.

"I saw you in the market. I saw you tracing my steps to the house. I saw you when you brushed your teeth this morning. I was wondering when you'd drop the facade."

-----

"Staxxy what brings you here?!" Vrixx hops out from behind the big desk she's found herself behind more often these days and gives her sister a hug. She smiles and asks "Can I interest you in a cup of tea, or a- it's a little early for wine but I won't tell if you don't."

Staxxy shakes her head, not wanting to lose her resolve. She's here for a reason, and she can't lose sight of that. "Thank you but no dear sister. I require access to the vault. I had something put in storage last year and I have need for it."

"Straight to business. Weird to see it from you." Vrixx peers at her sister suspiciously for a moment at her sister who usually has time for pleasantries and small talk. It’s customary to make some small talk before anything remotely financial. Business and pleasure, after all, run in the same circle. She manages to shrug it off though. "But if you're straight to the point today it's gotta be important. I'll take a rain cheque on the tea, right this way."

-----

The smooth flat rock skips across the surface of the water a few times before finally sinking beneath the surface. Staxxy listens to the sound, but it doesn't really register in her mind. Her thoughts are a mile a minute at the moment.

"Vexxon, I- I know why you live out here alone. Away from people. They wouldn't say, but I pieced everything together." She tries to cross the gulf between the two of them. Find their shared territory.

"That so?"

"How do… how do you live with it in your head? Does it ever truly leave?" Staxxy almost pleads for peace of mind, but what she gets is raw truth.

"It quiets, but it doesn't go away. Not that I've seen. Is it hitting you hard?"

Staxxy bites her lip.

-----

The heavy vault door swings open as the ringing of metal on metal contact fills the air. The sisters enter the reinforced space and Vrixx gestures to her right. There’s a few piles of bills to be sorted into boxes, some sacks of coins here and there, a wall of vaulted compartments labeled with numbers. Everything you expect in a goblin vault, and more. There’s a few artifacts, items of power, and of course what Staxxy had sent in.

"Think what you're after is down in the back corner.. Do you want company? I-" Vrixx doesn't know how to end that. She’s seen what comes with this thing, seen what it did to her sister, and it wasn’t pretty. She doesn't know what she's going through, or how to help, but she wants to.

Staxxy smiles and nods. "That would be nice. A little moral support."

------

"The quiet helps. But that's just me. The sound of the water on the sand. The waves breaking. That's my peace though. You need to find what works for you."

Staxxy nods. Hypna has been a great help, and she's definitely felt better since they've moved in together, despite the circumstances. Fleeing from the possession of Hypna’s chateau was taxing, but the familiar setting of her apartment in Dalaran, the climate of the city, it’s done her some good.

"I think I understand. You have secluded yourself, but I think I need people. I need to be busy. What I've gone through is decidedly different from ah-"

"I'd say you're intact, but I think that downplays what you went through. You didn't lose an arm, but you did lose." Vexxon tighten a screw in their forearm. The kitchen table wobbles slightly as they twist the tool against their limb. "Prosthetic needs adjusting from time to time. Reckon you have a screwdriver of your own when things start to come loose."

"I think I know what you mean. We all need our own box of tools, so to speak." She nods appreciatively.

"Yeah. You treat em right, they treat you right. They'll help you through and they'll keep you in working order."

-----

As the wooden face of the crate falls away, the familiar inky black energy swirls out, reaching for Staxxy. Vrixx of course jumps back, not eager to tangle with a mysterious swirling anything. Staxxy however, she extends a hand, steel eyed and stone faced.

"You answer to me. You are a tool to be used."

The wind whips about in the vault, tossing Staxxy's hair. Cash flies about the room as the dark winds blow. The shadowy energy envelops Staxxy's hand, gripping her as she steps into the gyre.

"You. Answer. To me!" Staxxy's will radiates into the dark energy, and it to pulses in response, flashing a brilliant gold for just a second. Her hand finds purchase on the hilt of the staff, and the staff responds. The dark energy peels back away from her, parting almost as if to make a path for her, holding open for a moment before crashing down around her.

-----

"I suppose you heard about what I did."

Vexxon shrugs. "Heard about what happened. Hardly say you did it."

"Well I started-"

"No. He did. You reacted. You put yourself on the front line for our sister. Then she did the rest." They throw another stone into the sea, not even trying to skip it this time. This time out of frustration.

"Alright, mother stepped in a-"

"You think that's our mother?"

Staxxy is taken aback by this turn. "What do you mean? It looks like her. Is she an imposter?"

"I don't know, but that's not the same woman who raised me. Watch yourself."

-----

"Staxxy!" Vrixx cries out, concerned for her sister's safety. The darkness closes in around her, blocking her from sight. A swirling black globe of wicked energy encasing her. Trying to overpower her.

Only momentarily though. The inky clouds flash a brilliant gold once again and the darkness condenses, coating Staxxy’s body before, clinging to her and seeking to control her before she exerts her will and the darkness begins retracting into the swirling waters atop the staff, occluding what was moments earlier clear blue liquid. Staxxy breathes in, then out, in a purposeful rhythm. Like a drum beating the hymn of battle, keeping her focused on the task at hand. The time she spent studying these breathing exercises with Hypna was well worth it, it would seem. Her partner had led her through meditation using this technique, and ultimately that’s what this boils down to.

She closes her eyes and thinks back to Pandaria, to the Jade Forest. To the time in Hypna’s home. Their time in her home. Their time together. She smiles and the dark inky water of the staff shimmers with golden light before becoming once again a clear healthy blue.

“Y-you okay big sis?”

-----

"You said you saw me in the market. I was disguised. Wrapped in an illusion." Staxxy is perplexed. "I approached you here invisibly. Was I that obvious?"

"You didn't hide your footsteps. You had your eye on me while I was shopping, it was hard to not notice. You aren't exactly subtle."

"Suppose I'm accustomed to doddering old mages with noses in books." Staxxy smiles and looks down.

“Way I’ve heard it, you’ve dealt with monsters before too.”

The pair look out at the ocean. The sun is setting, and the sky is starting to melt into the dark purple of night. The conversation stalls there. The quiet spectacle of nature is humbling; a reminder of their place in the world.

"What will you do now?"

Staxxy straightens up from where she was, leaning over the porch railing.

"Suppose I'll collect my tools."

-----

Staxxy looks at Hypna sleeping soundly and tries to catch her breath.

“Just a bad dream, right?”

#Staxxy #Staxxy Tractorpull #Encyclopedia Esoterica

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thetirisfaltheatretroupe · 5 years

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[Script Archive] Hellthreequel: The Third One

<<The following is a play that has been retired from the Tirisfal Theatre’s library, and will only reoccur for private events for the foreseeable future. This script has been placed here so that those who enjoyed the play or wish to perform it themselves may do so. Credit for this comedic performance goes to the Tirisfal Theatre Troupe>>

<CAST: Garrosh Hellscream, Wrathion, Kairozdormu, Grom Hellscream, Kargath Bladefist, Durotan, Blackhand, Ner’zhul, Kil’rogg Deadeye, Gul'dan, Mar’gok’s Emissary>

[Thrall]: Hellscream… <he shakes his head.> If ever there was a greater mistake for a Warchief, I cannot possibly think of it.

He escaped justice in Pandaria and fled to an alternate reality, where he was eventually found building an army from the Horde of the past in a land my people.. thought they would never see again.

Yet.. was it fate, I wonder, that brought him down before this army could do any real damage?

Or was it just that they were all so very -stupid-?

Ladies and gentlemen, the final chapter in the Hellsqueal trilogy: Hellthreequel: The Third One! Enjoy!

<The scene opens with Garrosh and Kairoz arriving in a ‘flash of light’ to Nagrand’> <NOTE: Invisibility potion before entering the stage, get in position, and as soon as said ‘flash’ effect happens, cancel the invisibility buff and begin> [Wrathion]: BEHOLD! What our discoveries upon the Timeless Isle have yielded! Through the chaos of the twisting nether, we have warped time and space itself, and created a branch on the tree of time that bore fruit! This fruit…DRAENOR! Uncorrupted. Untainted! Ripe with a powerful race of orcish legends to face off against the Burning Legion itself! [Garrosh]: <scratches his head> Wait a sec, who the Thok are you?

[Wrathion]: Why, I am the one who DOUBTLESSLY crafted this ingenious plan to spirit you away to this alternate timeline! Son of Deathwing and SAVIOR of Azeroth!

Your military charisma will sow the seeds of a grand new Horde! One that will surely be strong enough to square off against the Burning Legion!

[Garrosh]: …so we’re planting a garden? [Kairoz]: <turns to Wrathion> I hate you so very, very much for this. [Wrathion]: Oh what, you think you could come up with a better plan? [Kairoz]: Actually, yeah. I do. Because you’re incompetent. And he’s incompetent. [Garrosh]: Actually, I’m just hungry. This wobbly wibbly wimey timey stuff is murder on the old gut – got anything to eat? Not big on fruit.

[Wrathion]: Look, maybe Garrosh has a point here, Kairoz. Perhaps we are all simply…hungry.

Yes. I’ll go and get us something to eat, then we can discuss our plan over our meal and a game of charades. Won’t that be FUN? [Kairoz]: It’s really difficult to take the son of Deathwing the Destroyer seriously when your voice cracks that high. [Wrathion]: I’ll just…<points off stage> Go grab us some sandwiches or something… You two have at it for a bit. <walks off stage, sulking> [Kairoz]: <turns to Garrosh> Alright, punk. Listen up. You’re obviously an idiot and a blow hard who can’t be reasoned with. But I need you to throw a wrench into Wrathion’s plan. [Garrosh]: Well, I mean…I guess I could. Only problem is uh…

[Kairoz]: <raises an eyebrow> Well? What seems to be your malfunction, Hellsqueek?

[Garrosh]: Hey, that’s Hellsqueal…I mean Scream! [Kairoz]: And that’s the title drop.

[Garrosh]: Whoa whoa, leave the fourth wall alone! It’s been through enough! [Kairoz]: Answer my question already. What is your issue with me? [Garrosh]: </rudes> Well, I just don’t like your FACE! [Kairoz]: The feeling is mutual, Hellmoan. But I have an idea that I think will work out better than Wrathion’s. Best part is, it’s something even you can’t screw up, BECAUSE it involves you screwing up! Would you be interested? [Garrosh]: Hrm…screwing things up IS what I do best. And momma Hellscream always told me to stick to what you know. What the Thok, I’ll do it!

[Kairoz]: Grand. All you need to do, is deliver a very important message to your father, Grom Hellscream. I-- [Garrosh]: My father? <sobs> MY FATHER IS DEEEEAD! WAH HAH HAH! [Kairoz]: No, no he’s not. Not in this era. [Garrosh]: Wait, huh? Daddy lives?! OH! OH THAT’S GREAT!

We’re gonna go fishing, kick a few gnomes off of cliffs, we’re gonna go Mechano-hog riding, and then we can go to the Darkmoon Faire and ride the little sandbox tigers together! Ooooh, oh oh and camp the Darkmoon Deathmatch too! Oh this is gonna be a great day! [Kairoz]: No no, listen. You need to tell him that everyone on the other side of the Dark Portal is in cahoots with the Burning Legion.

[Garrosh]: Wait, so you’re telling me to tell my dad, who in this era is still a primitive orc from a time when we were neck deep in superstition and so easily fell for the Burning Legion’s lies that the entirety of Azeroth is the demons…

..thus throwing both worlds into an inter-dimensional and inter-space time conflict that could result in...

...thousands of pointless deaths on both sides, repeat the same shit that corrupted my people in the first place, and paint my father once more as a villain in the eyes of history? [Kairoz]: Um… well…yes. Actually. <clears his throat>

That was astonishingly well phrased, Hellmumble.

[Garrosh]: What was well phrased? [Kairoz]: What you just said. [Garrosh]: What did I just say? [Kairoz]: That…that bit about how you telling your father that they are agents of the legion is-- [Garrosh]: <breaks into sobs> DADDY IS DEEEEEAD! Wahaha! [Kairoz]: <sighs heavily> Look, we’re going full circle again. Are you in, or are you out? [Garrosh]: <sniffs and dries his tears> I’m in. [Kairoz]: Good, good. Then remember that no matter what Wrathion says, you’re still to-- [Garrosh]: <turns away> On second thought, I’m out. [Kairoz]: …okay then, perhaps you’d rather-- [Garrosh]: Nevermind, definitely in. <nods> [Kairoz]: Dammit, Garrosh, you’re not a freakin’ cat. [Garrosh]: Fine, fine. I’ll go along with your plan, Kel’thuzad. [Kairoz]: It’s…Kairoz. Kairozdormu. How did you get Kel’thuzad out of―nevermind. Alright, let’s shake on it. Put ‘er there. <holds out his hand> [Garrosh] Okay! <slams his axe into Kairoz’s chest> Oooh! OH! Oops, sorry, I thought you meant―ohhhh… [Kairoz]: You…freaking…nimrod… [Garrosh]: Oh sheesh, that’s a lot of blood. Oh um… Better uh…get out of here before that Wrathion kid comes back. Um…so yeah, we’ve got a deal and uh…take care of yourself. I gotta split.

[Kairoz]: UGggh…

[Garrosh]: UM! I MEAN! I have to cut this short―

[Kairoz]: Aggh…

[Garrosh]: WAIT NO! Let me just get to it, chop-chop-- [Kairoz]: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE! PLEASE! NO MORE PUNS! [Garrosh]: Sheesh, no wonder they axed your character so early. Alright, time to go get a slice of vengeance. <exits the stage> [Kairoz]: In my dying moments…what have I unleashed upon the universe? Am I but a cogwheel in the mechanisms of time, forever obscured and greyed upon the golden backdrop? Or did I serve as the spark that lit the flame? Time will tell. Time. Will. Tell. <dies> <Wrathion enters the stage with 2 hoagies in his hand> [Wrathion]: Alright, I was out of tuna, but I did manage some extra Elwynn ham while we were packing the picnic basket. Nothing says teamwork like a team lunch and― <he spots Kairoz’s corpse and drops the sandwiches> By my father’s monolithic chin! What the Thok happened here?!? <he looks side to side, shrugs, and stuffs Kairoz’s corpse in some bushes> Better get out of here, I am NOT going to be taking the fall for this one! <sneaks off stage> <END SCENE>

[Thrall]: Wrathion was never found. At least, I think.

Garrosh found himself in a strange and yet familiar world, where Draenor was whole, and yet nothing seemed the same as it were.

Thinking himself above Kairozdormu’s plans, he located the Warsong Clan, after stumbling stupidly in the wilderness for some time.

His… sense of direction was never the best... You could put him in a room and tell him to move forward and he'd probably fall straight into the ground instead.

Soon, he stood before Grommash Hellscream, the Chieftan of the Warsong Clan, and..

His own father. However, as he would soon learn, the strangest thing about this world..

Was yet to be revealed. <Thrall leaves. Next scene opens with Garrosh kneeling before Grom> [Garrosh]: Wha…huh? Where am I? I feel like we’re missing some context here. [Grom]: Well, stranger, to better explain your current situation, you um… kind of happened to burst into my Warsong War Tent, screaming something about your father, then you collapsed, woke up, and repeated the cycle. Twice. [Garrosh]: Huh? OH! Oh wait wait, Warsong? I’M Warsong! We’re totally like…family or something! [Grom]: Uh..wait, hold on a moment. I need to get my glasses. [Garrosh]: Glasses? [Grom]: Mhm. One moment. <Grom reaches into his loincloth and puts a monocle on>

There we are. Now I can see you perfectly. Ah, you have the markings of the Warsong upon you. That’s uh…very good. Very, very good. Now we can spare a few expenses with the cleanup since we don’t have to eviscerate you. <Grom turns and waves off stage> False alarm, boys. You can uh…put the mops away. <he returns his focus to Garrosh> Anyway, you’re no Warsong I’ve ever seen. Hrm. Hope you, ahem, have a good reason for being here. [Garrosh]: <rises> Hrm…uh…oh, I had something tell you. It was kind of important. OH! Right! Demons! [Grom]: Care to be a little more specific there? [Garrosh]: Yeah uh…demons and uh. Something about blood, and a really bad drink.

And then there’s this portal that…things come out of. Oh, and there’s this awesome planet called Azeroth that has like tons of resources and stuff you can take to empower the clans to fight against the demons. [Grom]: Hum. I can uh…tell you’re not exactly the…brightest of individuals, but let me see if I can piece together your story.

You’re telling me that there is another world inhabited by demons or demon associates, rich with resources and land, and to unite the clans in order to seize control of this world for the betterment of our people…

…and prepare for the possibility of an invasion from said demons? [Garrosh]: …wait is that what I said? [Grom]: And a bad drink. Well, Gul’dan did send me a missive about some kind of destiny earlier, perhaps that has something to do with him. We’ll deal with that later. Seems like we’ve got a bit of work to do. [Garrosh]: We do? [Grom]: You’re ...kind of a boneheaded little guy, aren’t you? If what you’re saying is true, and considering the chain of events that have unfolded recently, I’d say it’s time indeed to unite the clans.

I uh…have a job for you if you’re willing. [Garrosh]: <throws his hands in the air> Why does everyone want me to do jobs for them? Huh? What ever happened to people getting jobs from ME? [Grom]: I promise not to berate you on your enormous jaw line if you promise to stop whining. [Garrosh]: DEAL! [Grom]: Good. Then I need you to come with me. We’re going to gather the clans, starting with the Shattered Hand. <walks off stage> [Garrosh]: <stands there and picks his nose> My jawline isn’t bad…it’s just big enough to block a few dozen arrows. [Grom]: You uh..might want to get your ass in gear. [Garrosh]: <grumbles> Coming! Sheesh, way you boss me around already you’d think you were my dad or something. <They leave, next scene starts> <The next scene begins narrated by the narrator. Grom and Garrosh approach a hut with Kargath Bladefist sitting in front of it. Thrall bows and begins narrating the scene> [Thrall]: And so it was, The grand idiot Hellscream and his father, whom he was too stupid to realize at the time was in fact his father, made their way to the home of legendary Kargath Bladefist.

Kargath was the most fierce gladiator of the Highmaul coliseum and chieftain of the Shattered Hand, a clan that was known to be...pretty savage. What Garrosh didn’t know was that this would be the beginning of a journey ridden with harsh trials, actual effort, and strange otherworldy accents. Hrm…why does that sound so familiar? <Narrator shrugs and leaves the stage> [Grom]: Alright, Garrosh. I’d like you to let me do the talking, if you don’t mind. [Garrosh]: Wait, then why did you even need me to come here? I could have been watching my goblin soaps―erm… I mean, crushing our enemies! [Grom]: That’s uh…well and good, but I need to be able to point to you when Kargath asks me who this prophet who informed me of this ‘Azeroth’ is. You understand. [Garrosh]: What’s an Azeroth? [Grom]: …I’m uh, just going to give you the benefit of the doubt and presume you hit your head as a child. [Garrosh]: Yeah, that’s probably for the best, not gonna lie. [Grom]: Hm. Well. Anyway. <turns to Kargath>

Lok’tar, chief of the fearsome Shattered Hand. I’ve come to you with dire news. Gul’dan plans to betray us at the summit. [Bladefist]: <grunts and rises to his feet, speaking in a deep, gravelly tone> Well that’s pretty Thokin’ savage of him. Just, y’know, not in the cool way.

Not surprised though, guys was always kinda a giant ogre sack. Uh…oh yeah, speaking of… who the hell is the walking phallus? <gestures to Garrosh> [Grom]: Oh, him. Uh. He’s the uh…prophet that came from another time and place to warn me of Gul’dan’s treachery. [Bladefist]: And you’re just gonna uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…roll with that, right? [Grom]: That would be the plan. Yes. [Bladefist]: <takes a deep breath> Yeaaaah I'm not gonna lie, this sounds like the kind of crap Ner’zhul would make up. Not really you, Grom, never really pegged ya for a uh… for an ordinary Grokoff like that. But hey, I’m always up to kick some ass. That’s doable. [Garrosh]: …hey uh…can I pull you aside real fast here? [Grom]: I’m kind of busy, Garrosh, can it wait?

[Garrosh]: NO! [Grom]: <sighs> One moment, Kargath. [Bladefist]: Naaah, it's whatever, not like I was doing anything with my day.

Hey, I’ll go get the rest of the guys while you deal with this giant clefthoof pile. We’ll all meet you at the Warsong place with that big ass campfire indoors, maybe dice up a coupla ogres and give it a paint job. <waves and walks off stage> [Grom]: Alright, what? [Garrosh]: So uh…not sure if you noticed. Really don’t want to alarm you but… [Grom]: But? [Garrosh]: <points in the direction Kargath walked in> That guy’s only got one arm. [Grom]: …yeah? [Garrosh]: It’s gross! In my Horde, we’d just execute the weak and injured who couldn’t fight to my standards. Well, that assumes I had standards, but…point stands. [Grom]: I uh…assure you, Garrosh, Kargath is definitely the kind of chief we would benefit from the favor of. That, and he’s a grand warrior, I can assure you. As for your ‘Horde’, well, I guess we can see why you’re here, now. There comes a time when we need to learn from our mistakes and iron them out. <turns away> Iron. Iron. Hm… Iron.

Horde. Iron Horde, okay, someone write that down. <walks off stage> [Garrosh]: <stops in his tracks> …but…it was my idea. I should get to name it. <walks after him> <Scene ends> <The next scene opens with Garrosh and Grom gathered before all the Warlords> [Bladefist]: So I went out and gathered these Grokoffs while you two were busy makin’ out or something, buncha time wasting pieces of…pieces of shit. [Grom]: Good. That should allow us to get a start on the task at hand. Garrosh, I want you to meet my fellow chieftans. You already know Kargath. [Bladefist]: Bite me, gronn scrotum. [Grom]: Over here we have Chief Blackhand. He leads the Blackrock clan. [Blackhand]: Ands I haves the most sexiests accents of any orcs. [Garrosh]: …why does he sound like that goblin I ordered pandaren food from and tipped with a booterang to the head? [Grom]: Kilrogg Deadeye, lord of the jungle and the Bleeding Hollow. [Kilrogg]: Eeh, more like lord of the deence reely, not much for lordin’ over mosquitoes and stuff. Suckin’ all the blood outta them veens of mine, really bites when yer tryin’a geet a buzz. [Grom]: Here is Durotan, lord of the frostwolf clan of Frostfire Ridge. [Durotan]: <in a REALLY high pitch voice> Ifs yous gots an ass, I’LL KICKS IT! [Garrosh]: Hey, you sound like Blackhand sorta. Cept really squeaky! Are you two brothers or something?

[Both Blackhand and Durotan]: Nos relations.

<Both of them stare at one another for a moment and blink> [Blackhand]: Stops copies mes. [Durotan]: No yous stops copies MES! [Blackhand]: You stops copies MES, you bigs boar piles! [Durotan]: Wells you knows whats they says, immitamations ams the best forms of flatteries, so I guess yous ams just beings really nices to mes. [Garrosh]: …wow. And here I thought I talked like a moron. I can forsee this getting annoying really quickly. [Grom]: Now that we’ve uh…done role call, I think now we should move on to the most important matter at hand. Gul’dan is-- [Ner'zhul]: AHEM! [Garrosh]: I think the wind just talked. [Grom]: Hrm. Oh, of course. I completely forgot. That’s Ner’zhul. Shadowmoon chieftan. Anyway, as I was say-- [Ner'zhul]: Oh thok you, sthtuck up ath-hole! I’m tha betht there ith at thhhhadow magic, so fathe it – you need me. [Garrosh]: <wipes off his face> He spat on me like three times just trying to say shadow. [Kilrogg]: Must be a new experience, meeting someone dumber’n you, eh big guy? <nudges Garrosh> [Garrosh]: Yeah, how does it feel Kargath? [Bladefist]: <grunts> Go uh…jump of a damn cliff or something, I dun really care, whatever… [Grom]: Let’s uh…remember why we’re here now. We’ve got to focus, boys. Gul’dan plans to deceive us at the summit coming up.

We need to teach him that nobody, um, pardon my language, ‘thoks’ with our people and gets away with it.

Make an example out of him. Honestly, it’s the best move, considering if we don’t, he’s likely to cause…utter panic and havoc anyway. [Ner'zhul]: Ugh…Gul’dan things he’s shoooo cool with his fancy green magic and thtuff. [Bladefist]: Yeah but uh…that shit ain’t easy to deal with. Like uh…it burns.

Pretty bad. Y’know, like…fire or something. [Blackhand]: Yeahs, excepts the fires cans actually damages me! I used to haves a full heads of hairs, then I calleds hims a rylakk's flacid you-know-whats. Then IT HURTS MES! [Durotan]: And its ams nots the best ways to cooks your boar meats. I trieds once and gots a tummys aches. I does nots recommends its, unless you likes your meats super spiced.

[Garrosh]: Oh, OH OH! I have a plan! I have a plan! [Grom]: Well, considering your insight into the future, Garrosh, I would say you have the best chance at coming up with a successful plan. I’ll uh…put my faith in you for this one. [Garrosh]: Yeah, it’s gonna be great! No no, just follow my lead, okay? Every last one! First, we build giant…

Metal…

Balls! [Bladefist]: …yeah, this plan’s already sounding thokkin’ stupid, but I ain’t got nothing better to do this afternoon.

[Thrall]: Garrosh then told them of the technology he’d amassed in his rule over Orgrimmar. He spent days and days trying to figure out how they worked – until finally, he found the power switch... It was then that he knew just what he had to do. And on that fateful night, when the orcs were supposed to be corrupted by the demon blood offered by Gul’dan, the very same that plagued my people, something quite different happened than what history originally foretold! <Thrall leaves the stage> <The scene opens with Grom and Garrosh walking to the summit together. Garrosh is wearing a cloth hood> [Grom]: I’ve been uh…meaning to ask. Why? [Garrosh]: Huh? Oh, why the sexy hood? It’s to make me look mysterious and build up my musk and sweat. [Grom]: Neither of those applications seem very well thought out. How do you think that’s going to help us in the fight against Gul’dan? [Garrosh]: It’s supposed to help? [Grom]: Nevermind. He’s already here. I can smell him from where I stand. [Garrosh]: Huh? Oh, that’s just me. I haven’t taken a bath since before the last play we did. [Grom]: Well, we’ll uh…have to have a chat about that later. Here he is…in all his unholy, befouled foolishness. <The sky rains green fire and Gul’dan appears in a blaze of fel glory> [Gul'dan]: Whoohoooo! I’m Gul’dan, the Lock and Roll orc! I TAINT ARCAAAAANE! [Garrosh]: He puts his taint on a cane? That’s gotta hurt. [Grom]: No, he taints arcane. From what you told me, that’s what this ‘fel’ is, right? Honestly, it sounds a bit easier to roll off the tongue, so we’ll have to patent that.

[Garrosh]: Nah, for some reason I like “I taint arcane”! Lets me get to know the guy better! Like what his hobbies are. Do you think he likes playing cards?

[Grom]: Let’s make this quick. What do you want from us, Gul’dan? [Gul'dan]: <approaches Grom and Garrosh> Kek kek kek kek yayeah, I just want you to drink this here green stuff and join my army of the depraved and fel touched! I TAINT ARCAAAANE! [Garrosh]: We heard you the first time, and that STILL sounds uncomfortable as hell! [Grom]: Well uh, let’s consider the ups and the downs. From what you told me, Gul’dan, this drink will give us phenomenal strength and power. [Gul'dan]: That’s kek kek kek kek right, baby! C’mon and join the legion – we got all sorts of demon hunnies here to cuddle with when you’re rulin’ over creation! <walks up to Garrosh and whispers> Seriously, man, LOTTA arcane! Turns ya all green and stuff! [Garrosh]: Just call it fel! It SOUNDS cooler than a cane’s taint! [Grom]: Hrm. Great power. Power is something all orc legends have, this is true, BUT…what, Gul’dan, do we have to give in return? [Gul'dan]: Aw, it ain’t much baby. Just a lil’ bit of…

KEK KEK KEVERY THING! [Grom]: Huh. Well, I was afraid of that. Judging by the uh…unfair and one sided contract involved with being enslaved to a force of universal tyrants, I believe it is in the Iron Horde’s best interest to refuse your offer.

[Garrosh]: Hrmph. I liked Garrosh’s Horde better… [Gul'dan]: Awww, come on, baby! You know you wannaaaaa! [Grom]: No. And if you call me baby one more time, what we do to you next will hurt a lot more. [Gul'dan]: What do you kek kek kek mean? [Garrosh]: <turns off stage> NOW! <Kargath, Blackhand, Durotan, Ner’zhul, and Kilrogg all come on stage and encircle Gul’dan, then begin beating him up>

NOTE: All target him and use ‘the pigskin’ in close proximity to make it look like they're beating him up> [Kilrogg]: Teek that ya green arse! [Blackhand]: Yous ams nots my REAL DADS! [Durotan]: This ams for the wolves, you big bloated broccolis! [Ner'zhul]: Yeah, and don’t forget who thent ya runnin home to yer mother! [Grom]: Alright, boys, that’s enough. Load him into the Iron Canon. [Gul'dan]: <twitching> Kek kek kek whaaaa?! No no no, anything but the canon, baby! I’ll do anehthing! <they walk Gul’dan over to the appointed ‘canon fire’ spot and Gul’dan gets loaded up. NOTE: Gul'dan actor must have obtained Darkmoon Cannon toy) (Additional Note: Canon is mispelled on purpose, explanation in Trivia)> [Ner'zhul]: FIRE IN THE THOKING HOLE! [Gul'dan]: THIS WAS NOT OUR KEK KEK DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYY! <gets fired out of the play area> [Garrosh]: Yes! My plan worked! My plan that I so carefully cooked up! NO ONE could have thought to shoot Gul’dan out of a cheap canon! I’m such a genius! [Kilrogg]: <grumbles> Anyone else wanna fire dis guy outta one’a dem canons too? [Durotan]: I mean sortas, cuz WOW-WEE he’s a dingbat. [Grom]: Boys, boys. Stop. No more fighting, okay? We should celebrate this union of the clans overcoming Gul’dan’s treachery.

Oh, and uh…Ner’zhul, gonna need you to retrieve his unconscious body wherever he lands. We kind of still need it to rip over a dimensional gateway through time and space. [Ner'zhul]: Thoking theriouthly? Thith blowths… <Ner'zhul exits in the direction Gul'dan was fired> [Grom]: Now let’s all go and celebrate our success with a big barrel of cherry grog. Then afterwards, discuss how we move forward. [Kilrogg]: Eh, sounds kinda borin, but…there’s booze involved so count me in I guess. <the warlords all leave the stage, except Garrosh> [Garrosh]: <sighs heavily> Me me…<sigh> Pick me... <walks after them, unenthused> <end scene> <The next scene opens with the Warlords all at a meeting of the minds…or lack of minds, rather> [Grom]: Alright, so brainstorming session. How can we drive the Iron Horde war machine ever forward? Let's toss some ideas around, chop chop. Let's move.

[Ner'zhul]: Well I think we should justh call the Dark Sthtar, kill them all and enslave their SOULS--!

[Bladefist]: Damn it Ner'zhul, we told you to close your mouth when you speak, Thokin spitting everywhere...

[Blackhand]: Yeah, no ones really gives a shits anyways, Ner'zhuls. Why ams you even HERES?

[Durotan]: I gives a shits!

[Blackhand]: You takes a shits ams more likes it.

[Bladefist]: Yeah, you...<grumble> Damn tryhard, always trying too hard and shit...

[Kilrogg]: Oh wait, now that I theenk of it, Kargath, you had a friggin' awesome idea earlier, deedn't ya?

[Bladefist]: Huh? Oh, oh, yeah I was just thinking that...if I we like all had blades or something for hands, we wouldn't be disarmed, uh...yknow?"

[Blackhand]: Jah, likes I coulds puts my hammers on my hands and I could go FWOOSH BOOM BURN CRUNCH, TAKES THAT IMPREGNATORS MAR'GOK!"

[Durotan]: Oooh, ands Is coulds puts myselfs an extra axe on my hands whats could helps me chops firewood without havings to hauls it around likes a dead animals!

[Bladefist]: Yeah like, you wouldn't have to Idunno, pick it up or whatever cuz it's always there.

[Ner'zhul]: Yeah but--

[Blackhand]: No one CARES, NERZ'ZHULS! <chucks a prop at him (NOTE: Tree trinket from Stormheim is perfect for this – no one expects it>

[Grom]: Boys, I've told you this before. We cannot replace all of your limbs with blades. Oh, and they're right, Ner'zhul, no one really cares.

[Ner'zhul]: Thok…

[Bladefist]: Aw come ooooooon, why nooooot?

[Grom]: Because then you wouldn't be able to walk or pick things up.

[All of Them]: ....soooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

[Garrosh]: Alright, I've got a better idea. What if we all...just focus entirely on making tons of single use, really expensive and time consuming to construct and barely better than a large catapult explosive Iron Stars?

[Grom]: Hum...I...hardly think that would be an efficient use of resources, especially when you brought over schematics for far more uh...impressive machines.

[Bladefist]: Look, Grom, we'll make a deal with you.

We promise to stop asking to have weapons grafted onto our limbs - except for me, because I'm above all this - IF...you make all those Thokin’ Iron Stars, cuz that sounds savage as thok. Only good idea he's come up with, really.

And...OOH OOH, make a big ass canon too that we can fire it out of!

[Grom]: Um...sure, I suppose a massive canon and siege carrier of some sort could be made. It would certainly help bringing along our various turrets and--

[Bladefist]: No no, see, that's the best part - make this thing ONLY a big canon to shoot Iron Stars with.

And like, make it only go forward, so when people see it coming, they're like "Ooooooh. Ooooh noooooo! Everythiiiing in this general direction is screwwwwwwed!"

[Grom]: Look, if you allow me to have a few smaller defensive canons mounted to it, will you shut up about it?

[Durotan]: Hey, cans I names it in that case? I wants to names it after my mothers wolves whats dieds when I was just a boys.

[Grom]: Fine, what was the wolf's name?

[Durotan]: Worldsbreakers.

[Blackhand]: You ams lyings, your wolfs had pansy ass name like White fangs or some shits!

[Durotan]: Hey don'ts you calls hims that you big melting rlyak dongs! I'LL KILLS YAS!

[Kilrogg]: I dunno, I kinda like Worldbreeker and stuff. But can we paint fleemin' stripes all over it and stuff?

[Garrosh]: I'd prefer the name "Garrosh's Idea". Since it was MY idea!

[Bladefist]: Hell no! We may as well call it the Grokoff's left nut if we're gonna do that.

[Ner'zhul]: HYEAH! Or the Pain in my Asth!

[Grom]: Garrosh, perhaps you should let me have the floor. [Garrosh]: But it's MY IDEA!

[Grom]: <points off-stage> You've done enough, now go.

[Garrosh]: <cries and walks away, stomping his feet and throwing a fit> Was MY idea! MINE! Nobody talks that way to me, ARGH! <kicks a marmot into the crowd, use marmot toy from Valley of the Four Winds>

[Kilrogg]: Gee there, you...kinda think we hurt tha poor guys' feelings?

[Bladefist]: Are you kidding me? That douchebag's been nothing but whine whine whine since he first showed up. Build a portal thiiiiis, unite the clans thaaaat, waaah waaah waaah!

[Grom]: Hrm. Well, to be fair, you guys, without Garrosh, none of this would be happening right now.

[Blackhand]: Yes, but withouts Garrosh nows we can actually takes the plans and makes it GOODS! I did not sees him suggests anythings after the Worldbreaker that woulds have covereds the glaring flaws it hads!

[Durotan]: OH, wow-wees! You guys ams usings my name ideas after alls? <gasp>

Oooh I'm so happyyyys!

[Bladefist]: Look, bottom line and I'm gonna level with you...<pauses and throws his arms to the side, the Bladefist prop flying into the crowd>

We can't work with this dildo! He smells like he came out of a clefthoof's asshole, tries to turn good war plans into shit war plans, has this fetish for giant steel balls of flaming glory, and he keeps drinking the Thokin kafa!

[Grom]: We wouldn't even be having this conversation right now if not for Garrosh. Now look around you and see this? See this Iron Horde we've made?

It's all because of him. Now I suggest you all be mature and not try to screw things up. We still need his help.

<Ner'zhul opens his mouth to speak>

[Grom]: And no, Ner'zhul, you're not more useful than he is. I suggest you reflect on that for a moment and think about what you were about to say.

[Ner'zhul]: ....THHHHHHHHHHHHHHOK!

<end scene> <Thrall enters the stage, with Garrosh moping by the edge> [Thrall]: Garrosh finally came to a grim realization that…No one liked him! <He shrugs.> …well, it was a realization to -him-, you must understand. Garrosh sat all alone with pitiful self under the skies of Nagrand, until he was soon joined by his father. There, he realized humility for the first time in his arrogant stupid life. <Thrall bows and leaves> [Garrosh]: <sniff> No one gives me credit for anything anymore. [Grom]: <approaches from off-stage> Garrosh. Mind if we uh…have a little talk? Little man to man, as they say? [Garrosh]: <sniff> No… [Grom]: <sits down next to Garrosh> Look, I understand you came here to warn us of this invading legion, and help us mount a counter-strike out of the honor in your heart. But we’ve got a job to do here. Everyone has to play their part, you hear? [Garrosh]: <sniff> No. [Grom]: Are you just going to say no to everything I say in an attempt to emotionally wall yourself off from what is happening right now? [Garrosh]: …n…ye…maybe.

[Grom]: What I’m trying to say is…despite how hard I've been on you, we need you. So with that said, I’d like to give you a gift for helping us out. [Garrosh]: <sniffle> Is it a pony? [Grom]: A what now? [Garrosh]: Oh, right, see, Azeroth has these things called horsies and there are smaller ones called ponies. I can’t explain why but I REALLY want one.

My own…little…pony. [Grom]: That’s….fascinating. Anyway, no, I want to give you control of the Warsong clan while I act as Warchief of the Iron Horde. [Garrosh]: <eyes widen> You want to appoint me Warchef so I can cook all the delicious food for the Iron Horde? I could be…the IRON CHEF! [Grom]: Ahm, no, not exactly. What I mean is-- [Garrosh]: I ACCEPT! [Grom]: <shrugs> Good enough for me. Alright then, Garrosh, I trust you to lead us to victory. [Garrosh]: Hah, you underestimate me! I’ll be the best Warchef ever! <end scene> <Thrall returns to the stage and bows> [Thrall]: He was not the best Warchef ever. Nor ….Warchief for that matter.

He stayed in Nagrand for many months as the rest of the Iron Horde prepared for war without him. It…did things to him. And he soon regretted his decision. In time, a vangard from the future – that is to say, our timeline - came to bring Garrosh back to Azeroth to face justice. It didn’t exactly end well for Garrosh…

<he pulls out his mace and straightens up> <Thrall bows and enters the stage. Garrosh and Thrall face each other down for the last time> [Thrall]: It is time to answer for your crimes, Garrosh. I’m going to end what I should have ended long ago… [Garrosh]: No. NO NO NO, stop taking credit for everything I do! [Thrall]: …I’ll wait till your impending tantrum is over. [Garrosh]: <points> I am sick of this blame game! Credit where credit is due, this is NOT your fault! It’s mine, ALL MINE! And I love it! [Thrall]: You…hit your head on the way over here, didn’t you? [Garrosh]: <paces back and forth> All these years, I was built up by you, from the moment we met in Nagrand. You told me I was destined to follow in my father’s footsteps. Well guess what?

I DID! And it was all me. [Thra;;]: No, Garrosh. You are not worthy of calling yourself the son of Grom. [Garrosh]: That’s the thing – do you even KNOW what Grom was really like? You practically just met him when you started hailing him as a hero! Spent what, a few weeks with him, tops? See, I’ve gotten to know the real Grom over the past few months. He’s a freakin’ deadpan! Always business, never “Hey son, you wanna go fishing?” and “THOK YEAH I WANNA GO FISHING!” Then he dumped this job on me just to keep me away from the action. Seriously, I haven’t seen a fight in WEEKS!

Just sittin’ here with my thumbs up my ass, ordering around these primitive Warsong warriors who were too stupid to work the tech we’re using in Tanaan! I can’t even get them to clip my thokking toenails properly! WHAT KIND OF BASS AKWARDS PEON CAN’T CLIP TOENAILS?! [Thrall]: …I am…not going to lie, I feel very uncomfortable right now. Should we just…continue this later or…? [Garrosh]: NO! We end this now! And I’m going to slay you. I’M going to be the one to get credit for killing the mighty Thrall! And you’re going to bask in the irony that you made me what I am, dammit! [Thrall]: …so it IS my fault? [Garrosh]: No, it’s mine! [Thrall]: Okay, then there’s not much irony for me to bask in, there. Gonna be honest. [Garrosh]: Fine, then it’s your fault! [Thrall]: No, because you chose your own destiny. [Garrosh]: LA LA LA LA, DON’T CARE, FIGHT TIME! [Thra;;]: Alright, alright. Just to be clear, these are traditional Mak'gora rules, right? Just weapons, no armor, just loincloths, maybe some...oil and low lighting- or…?

<he starts to unbuckle his belt> [Garrosh]: I don’t have TIME to take off my pants! Fight now! [Thrall]: Gotcha! MOCK'gora it is then. <Use Akunda's Firesticks if outdoors around the stage. Otherwise, be creative with this one. A storm opens up around the stage, and Garrosh stares into the sky at it> [Garrosh]: Oh… oh damn, I should have specified… [Thrall]: Any last words, Garrosh? [Garrosh]: <puts up his middle finger> Thok you, and thok the horse you rode in on!

<Garrosh is struck and dies dramatically> [Thrall]: At last.. It is over, the rein of <sniffs the air, gagging > Oh...Oh spirits.…I- BEUGH- made him smell even worse! Now he smells like BURNT worg ass.

Ohh....Ancestors...I need to go over here..

<he walks off to the side to catch his breath.> <Thrall leaves the stage, scene ends> <After the stage has been cleared, Thrall comes onto the stage one final time and bows> [Thrall]: And so...Garrosh’s tale had finally ended. But the legacy he’d set in motion could not be undone.

As the Iron Horde began to lose to the Vangard that followed Garrosh, Grom was meeting with an emissary of the Ogre Empire when he learned of how the Warlords were failing… <Narrator bows and walks off stage. Enter Grom and the Emissary of Mar’gok> [Grom]: Alright, so for Mar’gok’s cooperation prior to his fall, we’ll allow you all to continue hosting those coliseum games so long as you agree to advertise via the Iron Horde’s new logo. I’m thinking of slapping it on every seat in the house. [Ogre Emissary]: Uh…da sorcerers not gonna like dat too much. Dey tink it look dumb... [Grom]: Well you can tell them it was your idea then, and that you already signed the papers for them. Also tell them that if they to improve negotiations in their favor, they should come to these meetings themselves. [Ogre Emissary]: Hrm…OKAY! Sound good! Anything else you need me tell dem? [Grom]: Yes. Tell them to have their forces take baths more often. We’re savage, not animals. Mar’gok would agree if he were alive.

[Ogre Emissary]: Dat sound like bad idea… [Grom]: Again, tell them it was your idea. <Kilrogg bursts into the room> [Kilrogg]: Hey um…theenk ya should see this here report from tha field, Grommy boy. [Grom]: Not now, Kilrogg. I’m in the middle of ogre negotiations. You know how taxing it can be to lower my intelligence enough to negotiate with them. [Ogre Emissary]: HEY! Dat not nice! [Grom]: Well it was your idea, big guy. You uh…may want to just point those fingers at yourself. [Ogre Emissary]: Huh? Oh, me not very nice. [Kilrogg]: Um…just so ya knows then? Blackheend is dead. [Ogre Emissary]: …me sensing lots of tension. Me go now. [Grom]: Hrm. Probably for the best. We’ll continue this another time. <The ogre nods and leaves> [Grom]: So Blackhand fell in battle? [Kilrogg]: Well, in battle aaand about three floors through that feency foundry of his. Can’t tell if he did it himself or someone just hit ‘im REEEEEALLY hard through that there floor of his. [Grom]: Huh. That’s…quite a sizable loss. Without the foundry, we can’t make more weapons. Inform Kargath right away to salvage any weapons we’ve distributed to the Spires of Arak and bring them to our forces in Tanaan.

[Kilrogg]: That’s another thing. He’s uh…dead too. [Grom]: What? Kargath Bladefist? That doesn’t seem plausible. [Kilrogg]: Yeah, died in the arena against some small army. Was like…ten…or thirty people or sumpin like that what took ‘im down. Kinda cool, actually. I was watchin’ the whole thing, was badass. [Grom]: You…watched one of your fellow Warlords die? [Kilrogg]: Yeah? Gotta entertain myself with sumpin, right? [Grom]: Ugh…well maybe we can ask Durotan to-- [Kilrogg]: Oh uh…yeah, about that, shortly after our meetin’, he started having second thoughts about joinin the Iron Horde, and uh…called yas a giant assmelt and left with his middle fingers held high, went beek home. Not gonna lie, I think he was just here for the kickass war banner. We should probably just pretend he was never there. [Grom]: Hrm. Well, that’s not a terrible loss I guess. The others, yeah, but we can survive without the Frostwolf clan. What of Ner’zhul? [Kilrogg]: He’s dead too. [Grom]: Unsurprising. Did he at least die with dignity? [Kilrogg]: Kinda hard to have dignity when you get killed by five grokoffs in your own dimension of void powers. [Grom]: This…this is a pretty unrecoverable loss. Please, allow me a customary moment of silence for my men. [Gul'dan]: <enters> KEK KEK KEK KEK YAYEAH! Gul'dan gonna make ALL your dreams come true, Grom baby! Hows about you guys come and take some of this here sweeeeeeeeet fel blood? Oooooooooooh! <Gul'dan places a cauldron between them (NOTE: Goblin Gumbo toy is best, but flask cauldron or dragon feast works>

[Kilrogg]: OOH, PUNCH! [Grom]: You’ve got to be―who the hell let this guy in?! We told you before, Gul’dan, we don’t want your damned poison! [Kilrogg]: No no, you see man, it’s bloodbooze, gotta get it right. It’s booze made of blood that makes ya all strong and freaky and stuff. [Grom]: I don’t care what it’s called, frankly. Garrosh told us it would enslave us, and-- [Kilrogg]: Oh, yeah, forgot to tell ya uh…he’s dead too. [Grom]: …so you are literally my only high operative in the Iron Horde now? [Kilrogg]: Hey, I uh…I’m just teelin’ it like it ees. [Grom]: <deep breaths and rubs his temple> We’re literally on the cusp of ruin here, and all I have to help is Kilrogg Deadeye. What do you even DO?

[Kilrpgg]: Well I uh…lots of…stuff, I mean I can…do a little jig? Would that make ya happeh? < Kil'rogg /dances>

I mean, I’m great at drinkin’ games. Watch, I’ll prove it! Betcha anything I can chug that bloodbooze no sweat! [Grom]: No, wait, KILROGG DON’T! <Kilrogg takes Gul’dan’s felbood and chugs it>

KILROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!! [Gul'dan]: CHUG CHUG CHUG! Kek kek kek beautiful, baby! [Kilrogg]: <belches fel> See? Wasn’ so beed, just a bit spicy is all, I mean I can hold my liquor. Though I do kinda have this urge to serve Gul’dan now, and the legion. I mean, aside from that, I’m fine. [Grom]: <kneels down> Kilrogg…you idiot. [Gul'dan]: You can’t kek kek kek win, Grom! My fel drink is just too good! I TAINT ARCANE! [Grom]: I have lost…everything. [Gul'dan]: Aww, it’s okay Grommy baby, cuz you still got uuuuuuuus~! [Kilrogg]: Yeah, I mean why not just drink it yourself? This shit feels thokkin’ great, my bulging Bleeding Hollow dangledonger ain’t never felt so big. You gotta try this, it’s…It’s just good, man, try it. <suddenly Ner’zhul appears floating as a ghost> [Ner'zhul]: FINALLY, Got thith plan to thokking work! Now I’m an immortal thpirit and can command the armieth of the DAMNED without ever getting hurt mythelf! It’s a pretty good plan if I do thay though mythelf. [Grom]: <shakes his head at Ner’zhul> Too late, Ner’zhul. Far too late. [Ner'zhul]: <looks over at Kilrogg who grins and waves> Aw THOK no! I did not intentionally die to make mythelf one with the void JUTHT to have thith happen! I’m calling my agent! <floats off stage> [Grom]: I uh…better follow him. I’m his agent’s agent, so… <sneaks away> [Kilrogg]: Huh…hey uh…shouldn’t we go after them? [Gul'dan]: It’s kek kek kek cool, baby! We’ll get ‘em some other time! <walks off stage> I TAINT ARCANE! [Kilrogg]: Hey, works for me. And uh…to all you slackoffs in the audience, I take fan mail in booze-a-grams and vouchers for brew of the month. <Scene ends, all leave the stage>>

<Thrall enters the stage> [Thrall]: And thus ended the tale of Garrosh Hellscream. His charred remains forever forgotten in the place in which is tale began, those many moons ago...

Except in another timeline entirely. One that we will likely never have to see or speak of again..BUT!

His legacy endured. For it was due to him that we fought and bested the Legion, just that it was a lot sooner and lot more costly than we would have hoped!

And as we fight on into the future, Horde, never forget...

<Thrall points to Garrosh very sternly and then looks to the audience.> It was his fault! SERIOUSLY! THOK THIS GUY! [Garrosh]: Hey, at least people are going to remember I actually did this one, right? [Thrall]: <facepalms> For the love of....THE. END! THAT’S IT! NO MORE! HELLSQUEAL ONE, TWO, THREEQUEL, NO PREQUEL! NO SPIN OFF, NO VERSION WHERE WE GET TO SEE HOW I'M DOING.WE’RE DONE! THAT’S IT! -SHOOS- IT’S OVER! YOU CAN ALL GO FIGHT NOW! WE’RE DONE, THERE’S NO MORE! THAT’S IT! NADDA! DONE! <Thrall wanders off screen muttering>

[Garrosh]: <looks to the audience and shrugs> Hey, at least I made it interesting, right? Good night, Snorehowl bless, and don’t forget to poke holes in all your rubbers…

Rubber ducks, that is. Thok ducks.

Uh…

Later.

<Garrosh’s ghost vanishes (use invisibility potion)> <END>

TRIVIA

Hellthreequel was originally part of Hellsequel, but realizing the play would last far too long and there being more we wanted to do with the courtroom scene, we split the plays. Regardless of this fact, it still took years for us to actually have the cast size needed for this play.

Hellthreequel boasts the largest on-stage cast requirement of any of our plays, with the largest scenes having anywhere between 7-8 characters needed on stage at a time. Some scenes made it impossible to have the proper numbers, so we wrote flexibly in those scenes, such as the first meeting of Gul’dan, so we could drop our numbers when needed.

This play was only ever performed twice. Since we were retiring the first two, however, we felt it would be improper to keep this one around too, since so many jokes build upon references from Hellsqueal and Hellsequel.

In our last run of this play, WoW’s very own in-game cinematics project director Terran Gregory attended the show, and even recorded a portion of the play on his Twitch channel! Needless to say it was a surprising honor!

Many (see; Almost all) of the jokes in Hellthreequel regarding the Warlords was based upon the fictional Death Metal band “Dethklok”, and their show formally on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block “Metalocalypse”. The personalities of the main cast of that show were given to each of the Warlords, but we made sure to write them in a way where their banter and lines were still funny out of context. Even the poster, done by @shamanofthewilds much like Hellsequel’s poster, was a reference to it!

Kargath Bladefist was “Nathan Explosion” (Kargath Orcsplosion), the gravelly voiced vocalist of the band.

Durotan was “Toki Wartooth” (Durotoki), the happy-go-lucky animal petting ‘why the hell is he even with these guys’ member of the group.

Blackhanz was “Skwissgar Skwigelf” (Blackhanz). Contrary to some crew member’s confusion as to why the blonde, long haired guitarist of Dethklok would be played by a bald orc, we added a line about how Blackhand used to have hair, which is actually true. Also, Hanz’gar and Franzok kind of opened the gates of hell by introducing out-of-setting accents to the Blackrock clan, so we had fun with it.

Kilrogg Deadeye was “Pickles the Drummer” (Kilrogg the Deadeye), the booze and drug addled drummer and voice of reason, but not by much.

Ner’zhul was “William Murderface”, the bass player. Just based on what he plays, one should gather what the joke was.

Grom was “Charles Offdensen”, the straight-faced, no-nonsense business minded manager of the band.

And of course, Gul’dan was Dr. Rockzo, the rock and roll clown. He does cocaine.

Speaking of, many of the quirks of Dr. Rockzo’s zany behavior was added to Gul’dan, including his catch phrases, and adapted of course to the WoW setting. “K-k-k (yeah)” became “Kekkekkek”, effectively the same sound, but referencing the in-game language barrier, and “I do cocaine” was changed to “I taint arcane”, since fel is technically tainted arcane energy. That, and “I do fel” didn’t seem to have the same appeal.

Despite these massively out-of-world references, as with any references we put into our plays, we worked hard to make sure they made sense in-character, but also gave ourselves freedom enough to have fun with it. While Hellsequel was Atos’s favorite overall, Threequel remains Atos’s favorite to have written.

#tttscripts #script archive

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autumnpawtribe · 5 years

Text

Complications Part 8

((TW: Murder, Violence... Eh just go with all the things.)) Xiao actually chuckled at Aret's words, kissing him gently on the forehead. He spoke in Pandaren, but he translated through the link for Vol. "Aret, do you really think they would not be coming back to Pandaria with us? They are your family... and you are our family. They will be welcome in our home, just as Naddja and Zakin are." He hugged Aret and then offered a warm look to his mother. "Take them outside, Aret. To your apartment. Your family and your daughter need some time together. We will be back when we are done, okay?"

Aret looked up at Vol and Xiao as Vol pulled him to his feet. "Take our daughter to your apartment. Get some clean clothes and such for your mother and sister before you go. Xiao and I will finish this up and meet you there.” We'll bring something to eat. Rest, sweetheart, and trust us." He gave Aret a kiss, smiling as Pahre blushed, but smiled. "He is well loved, Auntie. I promise. Please trust us both."

When Aret left with his mother, Tarja in his arms, Vol turned and grinned brightly around his tusks. "this is needed...." With that the big hunter used one of the kicks Xiao had taught him, dropping his heel right onto the man's nose, watching it explode in blood. "Dat be fer Auntie.."

Xiao watched them leave, making sure they were out of sight before he turned around and- WOW that was a mess of blood that splattered all over. He let out a disbelieving little noise, not out of distaste, but merely surprise. "Someone was in a hurry." He said through the link to Vol. "Do you wish to do the honors since I already have paralyzed them and left them with little pride left? Jansevet is more stubborn but Aket seems quite broken, which I am rather proud of even though I likely should not be."

"Do you blame me.. and my kills were quick, clean and business like. THIS involves our husband and our daughter. Personal." Vol grinned, pulling the hunting knife off of his hip. "Oh, It's gonna be my pleasure." Vol became silent and ultimately businesslike as he swatted a few spiders away from the screaming priest. "Oh Shut yer face, ja gonna be dead in a minute. Xiao Chun, dey can feel dey faces, right?"

"Not at all, they are monsters. They deserve it." He then watched as Vol pulled out the knife, shaking his head. "They are numb from the neck down. I severed each spinal cord, but they can still feel from the neck up. I am not entirely certain of the cut off, but... somewhere on the neck. Jansevet also soiled himself, so... that is what /that/ smell is."

"Ah smelt raptah shit before... Ja go open da door?" There was a scratching sound behind the door as Vol knelt down over the priest, smiling as he grabbed an upright tusk in one hand and his forehead in the other. His words were in Zandali, so he translated for Xiao so nothing was missed. "This is for my Daughter." He Snapped the left tusk off at the jaw line and set it to the side as Aket Screamed in abject pain. "This is for my Pandaren husband for making him upset" Both Tusks were left on the man's chest as their prey screamed in horror and suffering. He did the same to the old prelate, the same response from snapped off tusks as he spoke. "This is for my Zandalari husband and torturing him... And this one is for his mother and sisters, for the same thing."

Xiao nodded and moved to the door, wincing lightly at the sounds of tusks snapping, but he knew it was deserved. He opened the door, expecting to likely find Honor and Valor on the other side if he had to guess.Valor actually licked Xiao's face, finding the spot of blood before He and Honor wandered in. Vol whistled and both sat, watching the pair of Zandalari that would be their dinner. Vol let them both lay and scream, rolling his eyes as he found a cooking pot, and lined it with what looked like large palm leaves. "Xiao, love, can you shut them up? Annoying as fuck and the old one keeps cursing my balls... so.. Little sick of him."

Xiao squeaked in surprise at Valor, smiling a bit as he gave the raptors each a friendly little scritchin'. He looked over to Vol and nodded. "Of course. One moment." He went over to touch them and then kind of just... made a whimpering noise and looked to Vol. "Spiders..." He said through the link, trying not to be weak but there were still spiders crawling over each one.

"Nothing to be done about them. She's upset with them as it is I would bet. Don't fuck with Shadra." He found a lid that fit the cooking vessel and put it on the side next to Aket. He used words in Zandalari, speaking the words softly, but strong enough it was easy to know this was a prayer, ritual. "Bwonsamdi take you, in peace. To the Loa of graves I send you. Death comes for all, mortal and Loa alike. He is the equality of the world. No matter your power, status, strength. We all go to him in the end. I am a hunter of death, I give you until my Loa this day."

Aket could not stop Vol as the long knife was plunged into his gut above his umbilicus, and pulled up until the blade met bone. The hunter grunted as he pulled harder, enough to crack the bone. There were no screams, but the room felt different and a maniacal laugh filled the air. Vol knew the voice and spoke through the link to Xiao. "DO NOT look up.."

"Et been a LONG time, Raptahblood.. Took someone wrongin' ya family fer ya ta send me gifts again, hmm?"

"I apologize for my lack of service, Guardian of the Dead. I hope they make up for it."

"You send me two of Shadra's.. and no contest from her. Ah be forgivin' ya, man."

Xiao nodded, offering Vol an apologetic glance at not being able to silence them. He just couldn't get himself to touch all of the tiny spiders. When Vol began sliding the blade into the flesh, Xiao looked up and away, off to the side toward the kitchen. What he didn't expect was the laughter. He immediately whipped his head toward the noise as if ready to defend... and then he heard Vol's words. It was too late, he was already laying eyes upon the Loa of Graves himself, going a bit wide eyed. "You... should have told me sooner..." He said through the link nervously.

"Well.. Well. The Little monk what started this little sacrifice. If the Raptahblood 'ere hadn't come, YOU were gonna gift me these two, I would bet." The Loa cackled, looking down at Xiao. "Take pride in ya work, little man." The Troll skull-like face looked Xiao in the face, a smile in his words. "Ya served me maaaany guests in your wars. You won't deny it, will ya? Raptahblood! You finish em, and Ah'll gladly take what you and your little man gave. Remember, the heart is best stewed..."

With that the Loa disappeared, Vol relaxing immediately as he went back to work. "Well, he knows you."

Xiao offered a nervous smile as he mentioned his wars, nodding a little. "Many, yes... and I had every intention of giving these two to you, had Vol'raka not come for Aret's mother. You deserve to do with their souls as you will, they are too cruel for this world."

He said with a hard swallow, hoping he wasn't speaking out of line. When the Loa vanished, Xiao practically slumped, leaning against the wall with a full-body sigh. "Sweet Celestials above, Vol'raka you could have warned me he might make an ACTUAL appearance. You should feel how fast my heart is pounding right now." He said as he tried to steady himself, his hands lightly shaking.

"Xiao, NO ONE controls Bwonsamdi. I didn't think He'd show, so why worry you?"

The troll kept slicing his prey up, having broken Aket's ribcage at that point and looking down at the beating heart. "Here is where we find out how queasy you get."

Precise incisions released vessel and sinew as the heart stopped beating and Mala'ket slowly lost the light in his eyes. Vol cleaned the blade on the priest's robes as he placed the heart in the cook pot. "He shat himself too, no leg meat, but Im not cooking a roast. Can you find me a cup.. or something small with a lid?"

Xiao seemed mostly unphased by the heart, still recovering from the LOA OF GRAVES actually fucking showing up. He stood and leaned in to kiss Vol gently on the cheek. "I am more queasy from Bwonsomdi showing up than cutting out a heart. Death is something I try to avoid unless necessary, a Loa? That is much more startling." He said with a nervous chuckle as he began to look through the kitchen for something to match Vol's description. "They really do not smell good..." He murmured to himself mostly. "I should have made them go to the bathroom before I severed their cords."

"Those two don't care. They'll still eat them. And how do you think you would have.... managed that?" Vol smiled, even as his arms were covered in blood and he'd began nonchalantly dismembering the younger male's corpse with a crunch and crack of bone and body. "They wouldn't have listened... 'hey go squat on the pot before I kill ya'." The Darkspear chuckled as Jansevet watched in horror as they were so blasé about what they were doing. He could not talk for the spiders in his mouth and throat, but he was still very aware. "did you hear my prayer, Xiao. He is the equality of the world. Don't fear him. Respect him."

Xiao smiled, chuckling now. "Yeah, that... would not have exactly made sense. Still, it is unpleasant." He looked back at them. "I think he is shocked that us 'weaker' races are so capable of talking about these things so easily." He shook his head, leaning down before pointing at Vol. "He serves Bwonsamdi. More importantly? Let me simplify this. The two many your boy loves?" He paused, looking at Vol. "Bounty hunter." He then pointed at himself. "Shado-Pan and war veteran." He dropped his hand and shook his head, speaking toward Jansevet's person now. "Fool..."

"ey now, ah not a bounty huntah anymore. Ah tend mah raptahs, ah love mah mates, an' a raise ouah baby. Ah take farmah, Fathah an' lovah more serious, hmm? Ah just real skilled at dis. et fill mah belly, en more ways den one. En dis case. Breakfast. Maybe dinnah ef ah gotta stew et."

Jansevet had pure fear in his eyes as he saw Vol finish up and leave Aket's mangled form alone. He stood, picking up the pot and moving it closer to the old man. "When I did this, for money. I would apologize, if I was looking them in the eye. I'm not sorry tonight. You hurt a sweet man, made his life hell. He was strong enough to stay alive. As his husbands, we have an obligation, you see. We are obligated to protect our family. You no longer being alive will let me sleep SO much better at night now. You should know some things. Your oldest Grandson, Zakin, is a good, smart boy and I am glad to call him nephew. Your daughter's supposedly dead baby. That is the daughter I helped make. Our Little Tarja is chosen to be a Shadowhunter for Vol'jin once he comes to his power. She is beautiful and will grow strong of heart, spirit, body and mind. She will be raised with unconditional love. You will have at LEAST three more grandchildren, that you will never meet, nor will they know anything about you. your legacy dies with you. None will mourn. Your wife, she will be treated as I treat an Aunt. Your daughters I will protect until they find ones they love, I will arrange no marriage for them. Every ministration you used to destroy them, I will work hard to undo. You will cease to exist.. and I will destroy your memory one day at a time."

Vol smiled, an oddly calm gesture as he placed his knife between the old man's eyes. "They are my family now. They are our family now."

Xiao moved up behind Vol as he moved beside Jansevet, standing behind his love like a stalwart supporter, staring the Zandalari man down as his love spoke each and every word to dismantle the monster's life works. Xiao reached out for Vol's hand to stop him before he plunged the blade in, however. He spoke in Zandali, managing the sentence remarkably well for someone still learning the language. "May Bwonsomdi show your soul the same mercy you showed your family. Loa of Graves take you... and punish you forever." With that, he spat on Jansevet's face the same way he'd been spat at earlier. Then he let Vol's hand go, letting him plunge as he wished.

Vol grinned, holding Xiao's hand on his as he plunged the dagger down, letting the skull crack as the blade sunk in. "Ja Loa gonna love workin' wit Ja, lil lovah." He pulled the dagger out, flicked a bit of bone off of it and used the same technique on Jansevet as he did on Aket. "You find that cup? I want to collect some blood before we go ransacking the house.."

Xiao smiled with a little blush. "You bringing out my dominance paired with me dipping back into... well, 'War Veteran Xiao' has made me more confident in things like this." He said before nodding and reaching over for the teapot he found since it had a lid like Vol asked. "Will this work?"

“It'll work. Looks like a pandaren spoil. Ours now." Some blood from both men found its way into the pot, a small bit of cloth from Aket's robes plugging the end as both hearts and two pairs of tusks made it into the covered pot. "There. Easy to carry." He moved away, whistled, watched the raptors dive in to two dead trolls and turned to Xiao. "We need to ransack the house, make it look like robbery. unless you have a better idea?"

Xiao watched the two raptors for a moment before shaking himself away from it and looking at Vol. "I was just going to suggest we burn the place down, but... it is mostly stone, so I don't know if that would work."

"Before we do that, look for valuables then. Anything that looks like an heirloom, or something they want to keep? The inside will burn just fine, but the walls wont burn before the shamans and mages get here."

"Will that be enough?" He then gasped. "Ooh, we could make it look like a kitchen fire. Have something in the pot go wrong but we accelerate it?" He asked curiously, trying to be helpful.

“I am marrying a clever pandaren. Look around.. ten minutes. Then we burn it."

With That Vol wandered out, looking for all valuables he could find. In a box he came back with a doll, some jewelry, Gold, A Sari-type length of silk that looked pandaren in its pattern, a few knives, of gold and obsidian. There were other little treasures in the box, the black wooden container tucked under his arm. "Find anything?"

Xiao smiled and kissed Vol before scampering off, going around looking through the home. He came back after some time, carrying a small box, looking as though he might cry. "Vol..." He whispered. "I found a hiding spot in Aret's old room... I found a journal, a doll... drawings..." He bit his lip. "I... I am afraid to ask him if he wants them." He cleared his throat. "I also found some antiques from Pandaria, likely stolen during the invasion. A small vase, some dinner finery. We can use them as our formal dinnerware." He was trying to remain casual, but something from Aret's hidey hole seemed to have upset him.

"Let him decide. They are his old memories. We are the new."

Vol had built a small pyre on the cook stove, his raptors looking fat and happy now. He had a bottle of what looked like wter, but smelled like goblin jet fuel. "Janaret. Take Tarja, your sister and Mother back home. We will meet you there in a bit. Get them settled in to a room for the night and we'll talk."

There was a whine, but Aret did as he was told, going quiet as Vol poured the liquid on the wood, soaking the material and then over what the raptors had not eaten. "I don't have that fire breath... thing.... Care to do the honors?"

Xiao nodded, setting the small collection of items down and taking the bottle from Vol. "I always hated this part, the alcohol always tastes horrible..." He said with a shake of his head. "The bodies, the stove, or... everything?"

The Darkspear bent down, picked up the little collection, and walked to his pets and put his arm around one's neck. "All of it. I'll take Valor... bring Honor with you? Burn it down, no trace." He blew a kiss and touched his hearthstone, letting Xiao know that they were landed and waiting on him.

"Quickly, lil love. We have a mess here to settle everyone in."

Xiao nodded. "We will be right behind you." He said to Vol before watching him leave. He brought the bottle to his lips, took a swig, sparked the Chi in front of his lips, and spit in a wide arc of fire that exploded from his mouth. He had luckily grown quite skilled at this, managing to not singe a single piece of fur. He did this several times, the first one singeing the bodies to a crisp until they were unrecognizable. Then he did the same to the kitchen, starting from the pot and making it look like a kitchen fire gone wrong. He hurriedly backed out of the room toward the front door, taking Honor with him. He filled the back rooms one by one, hurrying out until the entire house was starting to fill with smoke.

"Come on, Honor." He said it with a cough as he pressed his back to the front door, far away from the smoke as he could manage. He took one last swig and filled the main room, the fire getting dangerously close. He threw the bottle into the fire, making a small fireball explode upward and causing Xiao to yip. "Okay time to go!"

He triggered the hearthstone and yanked them to safety as the home filled with flames, his fur undamaged but damn was it warm to the touch as if he'd been laying in the sun for several hours.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once Vol walked in to the house, the boxes in his hand, he heard the screams. They were of joy at least. Vol wandered up, sighing as he got into the shower, scrubbing himself as clean as he could of blood, clipping his nails even to be sure nothing was left behind. He got as presentable as he could, shaving the sides of his head and rebraiding his hair, making sure his tusks had no trace of blood or grime. He was aiming to make a first impression. When he sensed Xiao home and in the house, he wandered down, tying a knee length kilt low on his hips.

"Get cleaned up, My love. Best to explain tonight before they all are settled in to bed."

Xiao came home and nodded, leaning against Vol and hugging him tight. "I will head up, this armor feels much hotter than normal..." He said as he kissed Vol's nose and wandered up, looking tired. He washed quickly, but it still took a small bit since he had to do his fur cleaning process. He came down wearing his red vest and black pants, as casually dressy as he could be.

"Why am I suddenly nervous. I brought the woman back from the brink of death and I am worried about what she will think of me now?"

"She will think how she thinks. It is Aret who thinks the world of you. The man who curls his arms around you in the night as you cuddle and sleep, love and wake up with kisses all over that adorable face of yours. It is the little girl who calls you Ba, who wants cuddles and comfort, who looks at you as if you hung the stars for her and her alone. It is me, and reminding you that, no matter what, you are the other side of my soul."

Vol smiled, kissing Xiao on the nose and taking his hand. "Ja come den?"Xiao practically swooned at Vol's words, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him deeply. He gave a little moan, not one of lust, but just of how deeply he loved the man. "I thank the Celestials for the day I met you, Vol'raka Autumnpaw." He said the full name, grinning widely, love so clear in the way he looked at him. "I am ready..."

He leaned down again, grinning. "Wit dat dominant streak, mebe Are and ah cane make lil mastah Xiao feel nice en da mornin', hmm? Ah do owe mouth presents."

He left it at that as he walked to where they had made rooms for Naddja and her son. There, Janaret was holding Tarja, letting Nielka coo over her as Naddja and her mother spoke in the corner. There were tears in the eyes of all four, Zakin asleep in his mother's lap. It was Naddja who smiled looking toward her mother.

"Mother, this is Vol'raka and Xiao Chun. They are...."

"The loves of my life. They are my husbands to be.". Aret smiled, standing and walking toward both. He didn't care what his family thought as he licked Vol's chin and kissed Xiao's lips. "Thank you..... I don't know what happened, but I.... Thank you."

Xiao wiggled a bit. "You better follow through with that." He murmured happily before following them inside. He was looking at Pahre the most as they spoke, wanting to make sure she was okay. However, when Aret spoke of them, he smiled and leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around him to hug him gently as he returned it; albeit chastely as his mother was right there.

"I would do anything for you and your family... Vol too. You needed to be safe, to be able to sleep at night. So did your mother and sisters."

"I think, Little Master, that we will be ok now.".

Aret blushed, hugging Xiao tightly before introductions. "This is my mother, Pahre, my sister, Nielka. They have met our daughter.". He added through the link. "She knows Naddja birthed her, and both accept not calling her Tarja's mother."

Pahre stood, clothed in whatever Naddja had that fit, walking over to Xiao first and looking down on him. She let her magic fall, showing so many old scars that even Vol was agape. "You, stopped. No more hurts. Jansevet, Mala'ket. Dead? Yes. Good. Grandbabies safe.". Her orcish was just as bad as Xiao's Zandali.

Xiao nodded at Aret, so happy to hold him. When Pahre walked over and her magic dropped, his eyes actually glistened slightly with sadness as if he were fighting tears. He nodded. "Yes, dead." He said in Zandali before hugging slowly extending his arms as to not frighten her with sudden movement, and then went to hug her. That would also mean she'd have a whole mess of INCREDIBLY soft Xiao fur wrapped around her, it'd likely feel like heaven on her skin compared to what she's been living with. "I am sorry for pain. You no deserve it. They no deserve life. I am happy I got rid of. You safe now. Stay here if want?" He said with a smile, looking up at her, assuming she hadn't panicked and pulled away from the hug.

"Your Zandali is getting better, Lover."

Vol wandered forward and kissed Aret softly, giving the same look to both of his mates as he pulled him into an embrace, back to chest. The look was one of love, softness, and acceptance. "Auntie, You are welcome to stay here long as you like and need. No strings. You are mother to our mate, and grandmother to our daughter. After that hell and those two Quashi Yudo, you deserve rest."

Pahre tensed up, so used to pain, she was not used to endearment nor affection. She quickly recovered and hugged Xiao back. She looked at him, then the two large trolls. "You love my son, no pain, anger or yelling? No hitting, or.. abuse?"

Vol nodded, looking at Xiao then down at Aret. "No unwanted pain. Respect and love. He is a loving father, a beloved mate and a good man. No matter what that shit bag tried to do, he is sweet, caring, and loving. As he said, you and your daughters are welcome here. We have extra rooms, but will need to get you clothing. We grabbed some things in your old house, we will sort them after breakfast. Aret..."

He pulled away, a hand on his sweetheart's cheek. "Settle them in for the night, show them the kitchen if they need something to eat before breakfast, then come to bed. We will need to talk a little and sleep. I have to be up in a few hours and I am a bit tired."

Xiao smiled over at Vol, looking so proud as his Zandali was complimented. "I have been studying." He knew that one, as if he was hoping he'd be asked about it. He then looked back to Pahre and shook his head. "Never anger or yelling. He is Ba'la, Wassa'dim... Lok'dim, someday. We only try to..." He paused, thinking hard for a moment before finally finding the word. "Strive to make him happy." He said with a resolute nod before looking to the Vol. "Right, we need to talk to Aret about... that thing."

He said in Orcish now, looking at Aret with a hint of concern, though trying to hide it.

Aret was confused for a moment but nodded, licking Vol's chin and clicking tusks as they kissed. The Prelate kissed Xiao softly as well, caste and loving. "Mother, Nini. Come we'll get some blankets and settle you in."

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