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brainfullofbees · 1 year

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#gender things are so. strange #when i initially decided to try out the name bee it was more like #oh this might be fun ! i don't exactly hate the other name but let's try something different #and now #i very frequently get this kind of pang of sadness when people don't use bee #i more often now get dysphoric over she/her or the wrong name and it's weird because it's very new. like. this didn't use to happen really #but it's still not a constant thing #some days i really don't mind at all. like even if it's not exactly correct it just doesn't bother me #and other days it's cripplingly awful and i desperately want to tell people no please don't call me that please please please #but i. don't want to come out to the workplace yet. i genuinely don't have it in me right now to deal with that #and my mom still thinks my pronouns are she/they and everything with my name is fine #and i want to tell her because i want to tell her everything but #when i first came out as nonbinary to her she very much did not want me to change my name #i had no plans of doing so at the time but that just felt. weird #she's otherwise been very supportive and cool but i just #i don't know how she'd react. i don't want to turn it into a whole thing #bleh #tired of this. want things to be easier

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turtleblogatlast · 2 months

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Mikey and Leo episode centered around Mikey wanting to push Leo and Draxum together since Leo’s the most reluctant to give Draxum any grace (for good reason!) But, thinking on the spot, Leo says he’s gotta go do something for Hueso and “just can’t hang out right now 😔” (yes, he says the emoji out loud.)

Mikey calls his bluff and now the three of them (Mikey having grabbed a weary Draxum along) go to Hueso’s to find that yes, he actually does have a job for him. Said job asks for Leo to go with Hueso to deliver multiple pizzas to this giant yokai quite a distance away, and Hueso figured it would probably go better with Leo’s help (emphasis on probably.)

Well, Mikey decides that this would be a great bonding opportunity for them and basically invites he and Draxum along. Unfortunately for Leo, Hueso doesn’t care enough to wave away more help, though he does side-eye the wanted criminal Baron Draxum coming with them. But who is he to judge? (This choice has consequences.)

The journey goes about as terribly as you’d expect, but at least the pizzas get delivered on time.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rottmnt draxum #rottmnt hueso #listen you don’t understand #imagine mikey trying to get leo to accept draxum as a father figure only for this to push leo to purposefully turn to Hueso instead #idk I love when this accidental flaw of Mikey’s is explored and I think it meshes well with Leo’s own AND fits nicely with their dynamic #100% this ends with Leo & Hueso bonding and Mikey & Draxum bonding and Mikey & Leo bonding and even Hueso & Mikey a bit #but notably only a little Draxum & Leo - because it’s important that Leo isn’t forced to accept him imo #Leo realizing during all his denials of Draxum that oh you know who he DOES think of as family? Hueso #Draxum is trying mainly for Mikey’s sake #Hueso is too tired to care about all this family drama but is reluctantly worried about Pepino #Mikey just wants one big happy family because - that’s just easier y’know?#he tries so hard to work with everyone’s emotions that he just wants things to be easy for once #he wants love and family to be easier than it is - than has BEEN lately #gimme that heart to heart Mikey & Leo moment in this regard #by the end Leo DOES raise Draxum up a bit from ‘complete distrust’ to ‘mild side-eye’#but it’s a long ways off if he ever gets pushed into the family tier #and also #SO MUCH SLAPSTICK COMEDY and sarcastic comedy in this episode fr #and if you’re wondering-#yes they DO fight the Yokai monster they’re delivering the pizzas to #but they get paid so it’s whatever #kinda wanna attempt to copy the style of the show and make fake screenshots of this ‘episode’ ngl

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medi-bee · 1 year

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#my art #seven red suns #spearmaster #rain world #downpour spoilers #im not doing the full calendar but spearmaster day gave me the motivation to finish this up #i have a nsh sketch i really want to render too #i blame everyone on this webbed site for making me crazy about these side characters #tired now so many drawings today #so many ideas so little energy #AND I STILL HAVENT HAD TIME TO READ NERDY'S LATEST CHAPTER GAH #not 100% decided on srs design yet. trying very hard not to copy anyone else's lol #makes it easier that i tend to forget about things as soon as they leave my line of sight #but on the other hand i am a little sponge of a creature.

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parlerenfleurs · 4 months

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Starting to think, going by the MXTX fandoms, that a lot of people are comfortable with being a bit terrible and not thriving for an ideal whatsoever, because they really really reeaaally want to believe Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are poor cuties who weren't lucky and the heroes are a bunch of holier-than-thou arrogant bitches who need to be taken down a peg when the text says the opposite, because then it justifies their own faults and hatred of genuinely awesome people who seem to have it better in life and isn't that sooo unfair and isn't it fair that they should suffer to learn what it's like to suffer like them, poor tortured, petty, flawed humans who see themselves in the villains rather than the heroes.

#Bloom talks #I'm out of patience with people who have decided not to be better and won't take any responsibility for it #oh but I suffer so~#newsflash asshole most people struggle horribly at some point or another and yet some of us decide to be good #and also some of us are indeed gifted and impressive and it is something to be celebrated and yes admired on occasion #I love a good gifted person #who shines bright and leads an amazing life #the Wei Wuxians of the world are a treasure #you want to love Jiang Cheng because you feel you are like him and want to be loved?#I don't know man have you TRIED not being an asshole? people have an easier time loving you if you try you know?#you don't have to adopt it as your whole identity and make it everyone else's problem #so fucking tired of seeing people not even try #IT'S FINE TO BE CLEAR to relate to Jiang Cheng and be an asshole inside #we all are a little bit of an asshole inside!!#just stoop pretending he's actually good and Wei WuXian is bad!#yes I'm talking about a general thing with this very specific thing yes #mxtx #mdzs

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quirkle2 · 2 months

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the angst in your zombie au bREAKS MY HEART INTO PIECES (I LOVE IT VERY MUCH)

okay, okay, so!! if the kagebros got separated from reigen and teru when mob is still fine, i imagine that their reunion would be hEARTWRENCHING also, i'm a bit curious, would mob still be able to recognize teru and reigen? or would he thought about them as strangers?

(tbh, following your lore, i imagine mob would act a similarly like nezuko from demon slayer? but instead of little hums, his zombie sounds would more like babbling and incoherent mumbles :"D)

the reunion is fuckin AWFUL man it's SO gut-wrenching. both reigen and teru feared this for Months while looking for the brothers; pretty much the worst case scenario was that mob or ritsu or Both turned—a lot of humans prefer death over being a zombie any day, so the idea of ritsu or mob having to go through that and wander around aimlessly until starvation or smth else gets them,,,

it hurts them so much to think about. teru forces himself not to dwell on it and he's pretty good at that but reigen thinks abt it a lot and he's honestly not sure what scenario is worse. best case is that they're both alive and unturned, obviously, but what's the worst case? you'd think it's both of them getting killed, or turning, but reigen also knows that if One of them got killed/turned, the other would probably lose their mind, especially if they had to watch. the fact that they're kids makes this all three times worse and reigen has to act like he's Not worrying himself sick over the brothers while he tries to keep teru in high spirits

the reunion itself is rly fuckin gut-wrenching for them. they see mob from afar, wandered off just a bit from ritsu and tome who are just around the bend looting a place, and they book it bc ofc they do, it's mob!! but then they see how pale he is, and when he turns around they don't see that light in his eyes that's usually there and the red is dulled and dead looking,, teru almost moves in for a hug before he realizes mob looks vastly different when he Rly takes him in, and mob doesn't rly react too much besides staring at them blankly. the obvious answer is almost too horrifying to even consider, so it takes them a minute to rly,,realize what's going on

tome comes around the bend and shouts, cuz when humans and zombies mix it's usually guns pointed at zombie heads. ritsu comes running out after her and when he sees reigen and teru his thoughts go, in order: holy shit is that reigen and tero ohmygod oh my god they're alive they're alive ohmy god i could fucking cry, and ohmy god they see shige ohno oh no oh no

ritsu sounds like a lunatic when he pulls mob away from them on instinct and says that he's safe to be around and that he's "still him" and he's "not gone" and he's very aware of that. he's very, intimately aware that he sounds fuckin crazy, bc ofc he does, this is what all the crazy people in zombie movies sound like. but he doesn't care, he doesn't care if reigen or teru dismiss him as nuts—he has to make them understand that his brother is still in there somewhere

and yeah, they both kinda think that ritsu's lost his marbles a little bit, but while teru is focused on that and the fact that mob doesn't look like he's rly tuned into Anything that's happening rn, reigen is a bit more focused on the fact that both ritsu and mob look awful? they're both very skinny and very dirty, obviously barely scraping by. they're cut up and ritsu's jacket is basically blood and dirt with a little bit of green fabric mixed in. and just by the look in ritsu's eyes, reigen can tell, man ... reigen can tell ritsu is like.not okay at this point he's kinda lost it.

i think the most painful thing about this whole reunion in general is that later that night, when reigen and teru r finally like ok we get it he's,, he's still mob. we believe you (they want to believe him... [they Do believe him, later, wholeheartedly]) and they settle down someplace safe, teru asks how long mob's been like this. and ritsu has to answer "since we got separated" and they both have that to stew over while everybody else sleeps

they realize that ritsu likely watched mob turn, watched the entire process, and that process takes a long time. it's at least a week of deteriorating motor functions and cognitive skill, and the fact that ritsu stayed for that to keep mob company is .ough. and it doesn't end there bc ritsu obviously stayed after that too

given how these things usually go, ritsu probably did think about killing mob. it probably did cross his mind, bc that's basically what everybody's been told to do. kill them before they have a chance to do any more damage. and it's obvious that ritsu did not have it in him

ritsu not only did not have it in him to kill him, he didn't even have it in him to leave him there. the kid fucking took him with him. a zombie. and he's somehow made it work, for months. and the next few days are filled with watching him still treat mob like a brother and take care of him and gently steer him away from a bird he tries to follow down the wrong street.ritsu is as gentle and kind as he's ever been with his brother. and even tho they're both hungry and tired and barely making it, ritsu is doing a rly good job taking care of mob with what he's been given

the kid obviously wholeheartedly believes in a cure and that mob is still There. he's gone through the trouble to take care of him, and the grief of continuously seeing a loved one that many would consider effectively dead, to get him that cure. to get him his brother back. and mob doesn't seem to be in any pain or distress, so reigen and teru think that this path ritsu has followed is probably infinitely kinder than the mercy kill method they've been taught to do

i think they have a new respect for ritsu, after that reunion

#qktalks #anon #zombie au #and also yes!! mob Would indeed recognize them and not attack them #i've never seen demon slayer but im assuming ur talking abt the main character's ??little sister?? smth like that #but yes i adore the idea of mob saying rly weird incoherent sentences that Almost sound like real words but like slightly to the left #bein a zombie rewires ur brain completely man .his mind is struggling a lot to say what it wants to say #it takes mob a moment to rly catch onto who's in front of him during the reunion but when he does realize there Is recognition in his eyes #fun fact; if u hug zombie mob muscle memory kicks in and he hugs back!#reigen and teru don't find this out until a few days later. they're a bit.. scared of him snapping at them for a while #but once they see that mob never once snaps at ritsu Or tome they're a little more willing to get near him and touch him #teru finally hugs mob and mob hugs back and it makes teru cry VGEAYEAV #(ritsu has hugged zombie mob enough to where now mob leans into his hugs.just giving u smth to sob over)#still related to the reunion but focusing more on ritsu:#after they reunite reigen notices that ritsu has a lot more..authority in his tone. he's a lot more comfortable taking charge #but he also notices that ritsu looks Exhausted and for a while he has trouble relinquishing the lead role to reigen aka the only adult #and it's entirely bc ritsu is just so used to doing things on his own now that he Forgets he has people to lean on #so it takes a bit for him to remember he has an adult to take care of him now #bro definitely overworks himself a lot in his haste to take care of mob :(#ritsu eventually lets himself lean on reigen when he's tired #poor kid melts into that kind of care after so long of not having that and being the sole provider for him and mob #when tome came around it got easier. but that also meant it was another mouth to feed so.only a little bit easier </3

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volivolition · 29 days

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✨ thinking of him thursdayyyy ✨ (<- said in a monotone deadpan with jazz hands)

#volition thoughts. as usual. (sorry im so fucking deadpan all of a sudden hello lmao? probably bc i need to sleep.)#hey. volition ship captain and echem as a siren. what then huh. he's already like an octopus AND its mermay.#(<- will not act on this thought in the slightest but know that i am thinking it in the back of my mind)#i think they're lost at sea and the sirens keep singing and volition's losing more and more crew but he's fuckin volition so of course he's #not falling for it. but its okay in the end the sirens are just leading them back to land because my god give them happy endings. please.#concept and suggest would also be sirens i think. ency and logic are navigators. volta do mar should be here because i say so.#volta and kinetic dressage are little fairies then that help volition with sanity/the ship. who can stop me im not even making this.#anyway VOLITION. i am totally normal about him and 95% of my brainspace is definitely not occupied by thinking about him.#jesus ive been so tired lately (its! the! ✨ chronic fatigue! ✨) i WANT TO DRAW but i am. too tired. writing is easier...#but i want to draw so many volition things. hmgbmbbb... i want him to be loved... which in retrospect is fucking silly he is a character.#okay vision's straight up going unfocused so we're done here goodnight. o7 #chemi chats

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aceofstars16 · 2 months

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Prayers appreciated I guess. Mental health is still eh and spiritual health isn’t any better.

#prayer request #I want to write out thoughts but I also should just sleep too #I’m so tired of all of this #I want to not live in this world where everything is crap and doesn’t get better only harder and more confusing and painful #I think the church thing would *maybe* be easier if my family also wanted to try out other churches and initiated it #but if it’s up to me I just don’t care enough and I don’t even know how to start with anything #and of course the one that has a young adult service has it when everyone else in the family has stuff going on #and it’s at the church that wants to destroy your eardrums in worship #like I like the vibe and the sermons but having to put in ear plugs to even walk into worship? hate that #and I hear my sister say that people miss me or are praying and I’m like #‘okay cool….have your considered trying to reach out and talk to me? or is that too much work?’

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sensitiveheartless · 1 year

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hi. don't know if you'll get to read this, but I hope you're okay. your last post was about your hands, so hopefully they're fine, and you are healthy overall.

I do miss your writings and drawings, they are very comforting, but! and this is a big BUT! you need to take a break when you need it.

sorry if this is kinda pushy, that is not my intention at all. <3 for you health!

Hello! Oh my gosh this is very sweet akdsfjksfjksdf I really appreciate it! Sorry about the slight radio silence, I kept meaning to make an update and then getting distracted before I could finish it, so this is actually a great opportunity to finally do that update, thank you anon!

The current situation is that my whole household is moving this month, which overall is going to be a very good thing (my current living situation has a few problems) but it also means I am currently drowning in book boxes XD My hands are doing relatively okay, but moving tons of books is definitely hard on them (plus I have a different chronic health issue unrelated to my hands which has been making me extremely exhausted skfjkdfs). In short, I'm doing my best not to fuck up my hands and health too badly, so I've slowed down on a lot of things; I am still drawing every day, and making progress on fics, but it's slow, and I'm haven't been sure if people want to see WIP scribbles and writings on here.

^ For example, most of my art efforts have been like these sketches recently lol

Ah, a bit of positive news though! I managed to finish a very self indulgent comic today! >:D So I'll be posting that soon.

Thank you for the well wishes, and I hope you're having a good day today, anon! I will be posting when I can (and if people don't mind them being rather unpolished, I can post scribbles which would be more frequent lol)

#fingers crossed that my hands don't get extremely pissed during the move lol #one of the main things I'm learning is that I need to work on my stamina — i get tired so quickly when moving things around aksjfksdfjs #I want to work on thingssss #things ought to get a bit easier after the move at least! :D #senhart’s rambles #ask box

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cinnamon-phrog · 3 months

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I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :<#i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely-#-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things.#i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly'#i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child.#i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake.#i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life-#will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

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gideonisms · 1 year

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See I think if I'd been born a guy I wouldn't be this pathologically avoidant trying to plan my career because there are plenty of situations you can find as a cis man where you just Do Tasks in awkward silence and you can get to those as a woman but you have to go through the rings of hell socializing first and then besides, a lot of those jobs already have so many men that you stand out when the whole point was you Don't want to do that

#you gotta be god's strongest soldier to survive this shit and i am not! i am god's weakest most pathetic soldier!#i survived five years of customer service crying weekly and getting harassed and being a baby about it #when i got promoted no one would listen to me and it made me constantly anxious and then so tired it took me a year to be able to #think about having a job as something remotely positive and stop crying about it #idk how other women are doing this shit a guy treats me like his sexy servant and i feel BAD and upset for years #and think of what he said 7 years later and they only touched me on the shoulder and made comments other people go through worse!#but i am not strong or determined i just want to go through my life in peace and stop talking to people altogether #it wasn't just guys who treated me badly older women made fun of me and called me lazy and stupid #tutoring was fine but i felt like i was putting on that same performance and at that point it all felt so awful i just. didn't want to #i can see no way out of talking to people for the rest of my life and it gets me down sometimes #i know i get to come home but even then i will probably need people to live with #i basically only like my family and close friends talking to me sometimes even that is hard #sometimes it's way easier to type and feels less awful #i think i have to just keep on keeping on until i can finally get good enough to freelance edit and code that's the only thing i can think #of doing that doesn't make me cry #emails are fine they suck but i don't have to control my face and tone so.

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daincrediblegg · 6 months

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HEY UM. WHO WANTS TO BE ON A LADY TERROR/FRANCIS CROZIER FIC TAG LIST? SOUND OFF

#tag list #lady terror #francis crozier #the terror #egg’s oc’s #egg’s fics #bc I’m sick and tired of reblogging shit 20 times and folks who I know would WANT to see things not seeing them #I just don’t have the energy for it anymore lmao this might be easier #I will reblog this post like 20 times to make sure people know to see it and sign up but aftet thst I’m DONE

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steelthroat · 3 months

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I was painting and the religious-fanatic teacher came to me and started asking questions about my work. I answered them and I was ready to go on with my day and she goes "we used to talk more when you were well..."

And I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at her like "wtf" because lady you are under 2 wrong assumptions here:

I would let YOU of all people be aware of my mental state or personal life or anything that concerns ME at all.

That we had some kind of amicable relationship to begin with? No, I don't know how you got the wrong impression since I just ever talked to you after I disagreed with your views, criticized you and almost fought with you because you said something both incredibly stupid and triggering... just because I've kept things civil doesn't mean I don't consider you anything other than a pretentious asshole.

The audacity of this woman, to think she can come to me and act all motherly and attentive while trying to get her nose in my personal life while bringing up a past bond which never fricking existed????? What like do you miss our disagreements???

And I just told her, "But... I'm good tho" which is not 100% true, but that's none of her business anyway

And she goes "yeah but you were even better"

BITCH????? No I wasn't? I'm not doing super now but I've vastly improved since last year so idk are you tripping or something???? And then she says something else about my work and keeps talking to me and I'm being civil and cordial because I'm not a rude asshole even if he doesn't even deserve this courtesy for the way she treats us.

Idk what's wrong with her, like she thinks I'm some kind of "problematic kidTM" for the way I look who needs salvation?? Which is not true, I don't need you as a mother. I already have a loving family and friends. Thank you and get the hell away from me????

And even if I were looking for someone's help for anything, I would NEVER in a hundred thousand years go to her for it. Not even for a broken nail lol.

She would probably tell me to go to church and confess or some shit. She already told me to call a confessor for my grandma because she had a little accident when she heard me talking about it with someone else... fkn hell.