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certifiedcodbabygirl · 1 month

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Simon Riley who realizes how much he fucked up and that maybe therapy isn't such a bad idea

AN: Lil bit longer than usual, but it's been on my mind

Art credit to SubsurfaceChaos on Twitter

Something was off with him all day. It wasn't too noticeable until he began distancing himself, getting irritated at being around anyone. You confronted him, simply trying to see if you could help or maybe provide comfort, and fuck did that backfire.

He was sitting in the living room watching whatever was on the channel, but it's not like he was paying attention to it. Thoughts and feelings of the deployment he just came back from a few days ago build up, irritation filling him like water in a bathtub. He doesn't usually have flashbacks or anything like that, the military would discharge him if he had PTSD, but some days he thinks too much.

He didn't even notice you coming in until you were sitting next to him. He snaps out of his thoughts just to meet your soft eyes. You sat on the other end of the couch, not wanting to crowd him too much while he's like this.

"What." He deadpans, voice devoid of all emotion.

Yeah something's definitely up.

"What's wrong, Si? Somethin' been messing with you today?" You ask gently, not wanting to come off as if you're accusing him.

He gives you and irritated look, suggesting you drop it, "Nothin', 'm fine"

You're not stupid. He tends to need a little push in order to open up.

"I know you're not", tone still soft, "I'm not trying to irritate you or anything, I ju-"

"Well you certainly got an affinity for it" He snaps, "Drop it"

You inhale, trying to not take his words personally, "Si, I'm your girlfriend, it's kinda my job to check in with you"

The bathtub overflows.

"You can't listen, can you? I said drop it, fuckin' 'ell" He stands up from the couch and walks to the kitchen, trying to create distance.

"Simon I'm just trying to help, I'm not here to make things harder for you" You try to reason with him, swallowing the lump in your throat.

You follow him into the kitchen but still give him space. He doesn't say anything back, a small part of him knowing you're right but the larger part won't connect to that. Pouring a class of orange juice, he keeps his back to you.

"Si-"

"Can you shut up for once?! Can you? I said bloody drop it. It's not up for discussion!" He sets the cup on the counter with a thud and snaps at you, "You're always fuckin' naggin' at me, clearly not takin' a bloody hint. Jesus Christ"

That shuts you up. The lump in your throat intensifies, tears beginning to form in your eyes. He's never yelled at you like that before. Sure, he's had bursts of irritation during arguments, but he's worked hard to make sure he never treats you how you don't deserve.

"Why are you yelling at me? All I'm doing is trying to be there for you" You ask quietly, voice not really allowing you to speak louder. a couple tears fall down your face, and your nose begins to get stuffed up. You try to quietly sniffle but he still hears it. He hangs his head down and groans quietly.

"Now you're fuckin' cryin'. Great."

Not wanting to be around him much longer, you turn to leave, "Come find me when you're calmer", Your voice betrays you and cracks a little.

You walk away and go upstairs to your shared bedroom. Once you close the door, the crying begins. His words cut through you like a knife, a deep pressure-like hurt seeping through your chest. Sobs rack your body yet you still try to be quiet, not wanting him to hear. You know he's gonna snap out of it and fuckin hate himself for what he did. You know he loves you, and if he were in his right mind he would have never uttered a single degrading word to you.

You slip into bed and lay there, crying. You guessed he would be up anytime soon and the smell of him on the pillows was both comforting and hurtful.

Downstairs though, Simon was fucking fuming. Seeing you go up the stairs, lip quivering, evaporated every bit of him anger. He groans loudly and throws an arm over his eyes.

'How fuckin' stupid can you be? How the fuck can you speak to her like that?'

He removes his arm and leans against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. You've stuck through with him since the moment you meet. Never once judged his off stand-ish behavior and learned to find ways to work with him. He cherished you so wholly, feeling what he thought he never would. You came into his life and slowly broke down his walls, allowing you to see him apart from his exterior.

He thought he was going to lose you. Sure, you had arguments before, but he had never purposefully tried to hurt you. Knowing that he did made his stomach churn, nausea kicking in. 2 years of the best relationship (not that there were very many before you) all to be broken down, at least what he thought, because he was pissed off.

'Maybe I should fuckin' go to therapy.'

Let's be honest, he could use it. He tried to go through it before but just quit due to how uncomfortable it made him. He figured he was on his own, all before you, and there was no one to deal with his bullshit besides him. Now he has someone who he cares about so much that it doesn't matter if he's uncomfortable. He'd rather be uncomfortable than never be with you again.

He gathers the balls to go upstairs and carefully opens the door. He's met with the sight of you curled up, your sniffles being the only sound in the room.

"Go away" You call out, although not too loudly. Your voice is wobbly and stuffy.

He'd think it was adorable, had he not been the one to cause it. He walks to the opposite side of the bed and gets in, spooning you. He kisses your hair so gently it would give you butterflies if you weren't so upset.

"I'm so sorry, love. I haven't a clue why I did that to you and you didn't deserve a single lick of it." He feels the small burn in his nose as he starts tearing up a little, "I promise it'll never happen again"

You sniffle as more tears fall, the pain sticking to you despite his words.

"I wasn't trying to piss you off" You whisper.

"I know baby, it wasn't you. I promise it wasn't. Could never be that mad at you" He says softly, a tear falling. He grips you a little bit tighter and kisses the back of your neck, trying to bring comfort to both of you.

"Then why did you yell at me? I've never heard you like that before."

He sighs, "Been thinkin' 'bout what happened while I was gone and it came out at you. 'M gonna go back to therapy 'n try to fix what ever the hell is wrong with me" He kisses your neck again, " 'M gonna do better, gonna be better"

He's not stupid, he knows his words aren't gonna go away overnight. He knows how much you love him, even if he doesn't understand it, and knows hearing that from him hurts more than it would anyone else. He knows you're gonna be affected by them for a bit and he's prepared to fix it. Anything for his love.

You turn around so you're both still on your sides but you're cuddled into his chest. Wasting no time, not even hesitating, he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight. He lets out a sigh of relief, knowing this is your way of accepting his apology. He softly kisses your forehead and cheek, whispering how much he loves you and how it's gonna be better.

He knows he can't run from his issues anymore and for once he's ready to face them.

#call of duty modern warfare #cod x reader #ghost cod #simon riley #cod simon riley #cod ghost #ghost mw2 #ghost call of duty #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x reader hurt/ comfort #cod hurt/comfort #ghost x reader hurt/ comfort #cod angst #simon riley x reader angst #ghost cod angst

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prettygiri222 · 9 months

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Wax

Summary: You tell your boyfriend you got waxed by a man…

Eren x Black Fem Reader SMUT

"Eren!" you called out as you entered his room. he looked up at you with his low red eyes making your heart skip a beat. you were already regretting your decision but you were going to power through. you gave him a little twirl, "notice anything different?"

you saw a trend on TikTok where girls would tell their boyfriends they got a wax done and you wanted to try it. you hesitated knowing Eren he could flip but your friends convinced you to do it.

Eren's eyes trailed over your body stopping at your ass that hung out of your miniskirt. "that ass getting fatter ma? shittt i've been feeding you good." he said as he licked his lips before making eye contact.

you turned around to look at it in the mirror. "i've been hitting the gym with Mikasa and Annie. i ain't even noticed the gains."

"cmere lemme touch it." Eren took a hit off his blunt motioning for you to come sit on his lap. if you didn't actually get a wax today you would've sat on something else. but it was now or never.

you walked over to Eren not missing the way his eyes watched as you purposely swayed your hips. "no, I got waxed." you said placing your foot on his lap.

"you’re so smooth." Eren started rubbing all up on your leg. "everywhere?" he asked as he trailed his hand up higher looking you in the eye.

"baby oil and cocoa butter, love." you said before giving him a nod. a smile graced Eren's lips as he pulled you down so you were straddling him.

"we can't do anything for at least 24 hrs…" you whined out onto his shoulder. "but that's not the point." you said as you shot up. you moved to the bed to create some space between you two, Eren rolled his eyes.

he picked up his phone but signaled to you that he was still listening.

"so I went to get a brazilian today and my regular lady wasn't there so they gave me someone else and honestly, i like them a bit more. they were getting all in there, like really in there and it didn't hurt as much. plus the guy was so ni-" Eren's head shot up.

"hold on ma, did you just say a 'guy?'" he put down his phone and looked into your wide eyes with his red ones.

"y-yea he did a great job…" the wall behind Eren suddenly became very interesting to look at.

"nah, i don't think i'm hearing you right." Eren sat up in his chair with his jaw clenched. "a man waxed you?”

"yes."

"you let a man touch you down there? see you naked."

"it's his job Eren."

"nah you pissing me off right now ma. you let another man touch your pussy and you telling me you're fine with it?" eren moved so he could look deep into your eyes causing you to flinch. you could see his anger building up and it frightened you.

he was always so quick to anger, especially around Jean, you can't say how many times they got physical. but he's never yelled at you much less put his hands on you but you didn't know what he would do now. he was unsettlingly quiet. you only nodded afraid you would get on your knees and beg him for forgiveness but a small part of you wanted to push him even further.

Eren surprised you as he started laughing, he rubbed his tattooed hand all over his face looking at you through his fingers. "you expect me to believe you let a man wax when you still get so shy when I say 'pussy'."

you looked away from him, if your skin was any lighter he would've been able to see you blush. "well he said I had the prettiest 'pussy' he ever saw. gave me his number to hit him up if my boyfriend didn't satisfy me enough." you were shy but you weren’t a pushover.

Eren took a big hit off his blunt before blowing the smoke in your face."ass up, face down ma." you quickly regretted your words.

"Eren wait-"

“ass up. face down. now!" Eren's never talked to you like that, he was always so sweet and nice to you. but right now he was so demanding, it was kinda hot.

you quickly moved to position, making sure your back had a nice arch in it before looking back at Eren with a pout. "Eren we can't…"

"mmhm." he mumbled ignoring your eyes. he pushed up your skirt and delivered a slap to your clothed heat.

"Eren!" you cried out in shock, you shoved your face into the sheets in embarrassment. you've never done this before. you and Eren were vanilla so far because you were a virgin up till a few weeks ago. this was something new and you kinda liked it.

"head up ma, you had a lot to say right? said you'd fuck your waxer cause i wasn't good enough?" he said grabbing your butterfly locs. they were about a week old so they weren't as tight but his grip still hurt. but you were coming to understand that you liked a little bit of pain. "lemme hear it."

eren planted a firm slap against your ass. "ah! It hurts!” Eren gave you another hard slap causing you to jerk forward. you heard him kiss his teeth before you were pulled down to the end of the bed.

“this not gon work.” he said as he maneuvered you so you were bent over his lap. “you keep lying to me, ‘s like you trying to get me mad on purpose ma. you like it when I’m angry?” Eren asked as he delivered another slap to your bare ass. your dark skin was starting to bruise.

how’d he know? you weren’t that bad of a liar. “i was the one who set up and paid for your appointments ma, they would’ve told me if there was a change.” oh, right. you brought your hands to cover your face in embarrassment.

“m sorry” you whispered.

“if you really got waxed by a man, i can’t tell you what would’ve happened.” Eren let out a bitter laugh looking at his dresser. it brought your attention to the gun Eren kept tucked in his pants when he went out. he always placed it in his top draw when he came home not wanting you to see it but you knew about it. it made you shiver thinking about him using it on someone. “but don’t worry you’ll be sorry. count to 10.”

“10 wha- ow!” Eren raised his hand high and brought it down on your ass making you jump. you reached back to grab his hand but he just slapped it away

“you run, lose count or complain and you start over from one.” he spanked you again watching as your ass rippled. you let out whine, you weren’t used to Eren being so mean to you but you were soaked. each slap sent a new wave of tingles to your core.

“how many are we at now baby?” Eren asked in that sweet voice he always spoke to you in.

“9.” you sobbed out. you don’t even know when you started crying and whether it was from the pain or the neglect of your core.

“think you can take one more?” despite being so mad at you it made your heart swell at how nice he was still being. he messaged your ass while waiting for the answer.

“yea…” he delivered one more slap but he directed it toward your clothed heat, fingers coming in contact with your clit, “ohhh fuckkk!” your body started to convulse as you felt pure bliss.

“fuck ma… did you just come from me spanking you?” Eren breathlessly asked as he placed you beside him, you winced at the contact. you nodded as you hid your face in his shoulder. “that’s my good girl.”

#aot x black reader #x black reader #anime smut #aot smut #aot x reader #aot #eren yeager #eren x reader #eren aot #eren smut #eren x black reader #eren x black y/n #black y/n #black reader smut

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moonsaver · 3 months

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Thinking ab Yan!Dr. Ratio in arranged marriage.. in whichever setting, I dont know

He doesn't like the idea of it at all. He opposes it until he can't. It would have to be a painstakingly limiting situation for him to even marry anyone, especially someone that's arranged.

When it comes to actually talking with him and setting out boundaries – he's not interested at all. He doesn't want to know you, he doesn't care, and he thinks it most likely won't change, and he'll remain uninterested..

If it weren't for the fact he's so damn touch starved.

He finds out by a lazy morning in the kitchen, your hands accidentally brushing each others as both of you carry on your routines in your own world. He doesn't realise ‐its just a brief feeling of nice. And his hand subconsciously tilts a bit to touch yours again, to emptiness. Your hand already moved away. And Aeons, he just can't get the feeling out of his head. He loved that brief moment where you both touched and he hates it.

And neither of you actually realises just how clingy he is, because he builds up to it so slowly. He pulls you along to some of his lectures, and sometimes you protest. He grabs your hand, and secretly relishes just how good the contact feels. He says there's something on your face with an annoyed tone, and brushes it off, his fingers lingering near your lips a little longer than they should. Whenever you walk by him, your scent practically intoxicates him, his head whips up from whichever book he fancied that day just to find the source of the scent, which he knows deep down, very well, it has always been you.

And it infuriates him. You have such a grip on him that it drives him up a wall.

And Aeons, he loves the feeling so so much.

He forces you to take a bath with him, telling you to keep the bathrobe on if you want to but it is a must that you join him. He tells you to move closer with a stern voice, impatience bubbling inside of him, all covered up with his signature scowl. The water sloshes as you move and his hand almost eagerly snakes around your waist, holding you snug against him. He fills the noise by asking you all sorts of things, calling you an idiot, and going on a ramble about some or the other complicated topic, trying so hard to not just hold you and bite into your shoulder, arm, neck, wherever his eyes can see your skin. You're practically driving him feral.

Oh dear, he swears he doesn't care about you. He cares even less about your personal life and whatever daily affairs you carry on. It's none of his business and he doesn't want it. But seeing you talk and become so chummy with another man boils a kind of anger he's never experienced before. As if to prove him wrong, Veritas tells you to sleep beside him at night, not answering your "why"s and shutting you up in an instant with something or the other. The summer heat is bad, but it's even worse with Veritas practically sticking himself to you, the direct skin-to-skin contact creating an absurd amount of sweat and humidity under the covers. His arms just tighten their grip around you if you ask him to get off. He won't. He needs to prove to himself, that bumbling buffoon won't ever get as close to you as he can. He will make sure of it.

And suddenly, he starts presenting just how possessive he is behind doors. He always keeps an eye on what you're up to from behind you, telling you to stop overthinking and to just come to him, that it'll take you months to understand this concept, and to just let him help you instead. Who else would tolerate you as well as him? Just let his hand keep it's deathly grip on your thigh, or arm, maybe even your waist. Its a fair exchange, and he's being generous, when it really comes down to it. Ugh, you're testing his patience too much. Just.. let him shut you up with a harsh kiss, don't ask, and let him continue. Keep listening, or he'll test you, and he won't go easy on you if you get those questions wrong. He has a lot of pent up frustration about you, anyway. You'll only give him a reason to take it out on you.

Don't bother going outside. Just invite your friends here, instead. You'll waste more than half your break-time just travelling alone. Maybe your idiot friends can join in on the study sessions, so Veritas knows what kind of people you enjoy surrounding yourself with. Of course, he isn't amused at all. Idiots, the lot of them. Is this who entertains you? He scoffs. Perhaps letting you talk to them in the first place was a mistake. Yes, of course.. just talk to him, instead. He's much better than them. You'll only waste your time around them.

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pretty-little-mind33 · 17 days

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Tangerine x fem!reader

Summary: Tangerine protects you at a fundraiser and then Lemon learns about the two of you - Epilogue to Don't Blame Me

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: heavy make-out scene, swearing, canon like violence, attacking, mentions of blood and death, slapping, sexual innuendos, protective!Tangerine, jokingly implied daddy kink

~ thank you for requesting @j23r23 ily! this was fun to write! ~

Tangerine's hand grips your hair so firmly, his lips crashing into yours as he holds you close with his other hand. He's pressed you up against the wall of this empty corridor, your lips already bruised black and blue from the intensity of his kisses. You try and catch your breath to try and remind him Lemon is waiting inside.

"Tan," you mumble as his kisses trail down your neck, and you gasp, "This fundraiser is important for us. You're supposed to be m-mingling—ah—" you moan and your hands pull at his curls as his tongue explores your mouth as if it doesn't already know every crevice.

"If you didn' want me kissing ya, you shouldn't av dressed like this," Tangerine groans, his hands gripping your hip as your navy blue dress bunches around your waist and the slit exposes your skin.

"I fuckin' hate these fuckin' events, you know that better than anyone, but you're making it so much sweeter," he growls and his teeth pull at your lip after he speaks and you squeal and press your palm on his chest, pushing him away.

"Ow," you hold your hand over your mouth.

Tangerine's hands find your cheeks and with obvious care, he examines your lip. When he finds no injury to fuss over, he kisses your forehead and mumbles, "'M sorry, my love."

You melt, all your anger disappearing as your shoulders relax.

"Can we just go inside and do our jobs? Lemon is gonna kill us," you sigh and absentmindedly run your hands over the buttons of Tangerine's vest.

"Bull," Tangerine chuckles and runs his thumb over the sides of your mouth, "Lemon's most likely too busy bothering some poor sucker over Thomas facts, bless 'im," he looks down and takes your purse, fishing out your lipstick and handing it to you, "Might wanna freshen up, darlin'. You look like a downright mess," he smiles and creates some distance between you.

You frown. You take out your pocket mirror and angle it to see how smudged your crimson lipstick is. Your eyes snap up and see that Tangerine's lips have taken most of your lipstick and he looks just as sinful as you do.

You turn the mirror around and deadpan, "So do you, dimwit."

He shrugs and just wipes the side of his mouth as he looks to the side. It doesn't help much, but he doesn't seem to care.

Tangerine barely looks like he's listening, his attention suddenly pulled elsewhere. You turn the mirror back around and then fumble with your lipstick as you try and reapply the color, grumbling, "Lem's right, you're such a fucking Gordon. Never fucking listening to me."

However, you weren't expecting Tangerine's hand to suddenly close around mouth, the gesture surprising you so much you drop the mirror and it shatters on the ground near your heels. You prepared to shout at him, because what the fuck, when the look into your boyfriend's eyes, however, makes your blood runs cold.

"Something isn't right," he mutters, his hold on you unwavering, "I know those guys. They're not supposed to be here." Tangerine's voice sounds stern as he looks back towards the ballroom where the fundraiser is being held and the music is faint.

Abruptly, a loud gunshot is heard and screams follow as you gap and your hands fly to your ears. Tangerine seems unphased by the sound and without warning, he holds your forearm and pulls you down the hall in the opposite direction from the chaos now ensuing in the other room.

"Lemon," you exclaim breathlessly. Only, Tangerine isn't listening as he practically drags you to some smaller room of the building and pushes you inside.

The door closes shut before you can even process what he'd done and you slam your palms onto the splintered wood, shouting, "Hey!? Tangerine, what the fuck?"

"I'll be back for you," you barely hear him over the gunshots and screams, and then nothing for a moment until it all resumes, and your shouting is drowned out by shouts of pain and fear. Your mind is racing as you look around the small, cramped, maintenance closet he'd basically forced you into.

Tears blur your vision but you try to find something to pick at the lock or however Tangerine had locked this goddamn door.

You continue to hear screams and gunshots. Your hands start to hurt as you use the pin in your hair to pick the lock instead. It's useless for a while and you slam your palm on the door in frustration.

What if something had happened to them? Why did he push you away? You could have helped them like you always do!

Finally, after what seems like forever, you hear the gunshots cease and it's replaced by sirens. You shove open the door with your shoulder, choking on a sob as you look around. You see bodies and blood everywhere and you feel weak as you walk towards the stairs and the exit.

You're too scared to scream out in case whoever was shooting is still around.

Everyone is crowded in the street, some are injured in their sparkling dresses and fancy suits. Ambulance and police are parked all around and you know every assassin and criminal there is grateful for the cover of the charity.

You stumble into the crowd, desperately looking for two familiar faces, and when you hear an all too familiar rough voice snap out an insult, you snap your head around.

"Ya gotta let me back inside, you bastards! Do ya hear me? Someone is still in there! I gotta get 'er," Tangerine snarls and attempts to stand from the sidewalk where three exhausted-looking cops are trying to calm him down. He's bloodied and messy, and his eyes look wild. He's pissed. His arm is in a sling and Lemon is holding an ice-pack to his forehead as he grumbles to himself.

You let out a breath and without thinking you find yourself running towards them as fast as your stupid heels can take you. Your mascara stains your cheeks and the stickiness prickles your skin as you choke on a sob when Tangerine sees you.

He stands up, his eyes now wide with pure shock and relief. The three officers look confused but move to the side when they see you approaching.

The situation then becomes ever more awkward for them when you wrap your arms around Tangerine's neck and kiss him, pressing yourself into him to have him close. You ignore what a mess he's in or the way he squirms away because of his hurt arm. In fact, when you pull away you look him dead in the eyes and lift your hand to slap him.

"Bloody hell—" Lemon stands beside his brother, his eyes wider than you've ever seen them.

At the same time, one of the officers grabs your arms and pulls you away from Tangerine, "Miss, you can't—"

"Don't touch her," Tangerine snarls harshly and with his good hand, he pushes the officer away from you and stares at him. "We're good here," he says with such authority they don't argue and leave you three alone.

"I cannot believe you locked me in a closet?!" you hiss and reach up to touch Tangerine's cheek, running your thumb over a bruise you think you made with your ring. Oops. "You nutter," you say.

"You kissed him," Lemon says again.

"I had to, Peach, I couldn't have those dangerous fuckers hurting you!" Tangerine says calmly, unphased by your slap, and looks to the building and all the chaos, "I don' even know what they wanted from all of us—I mean, what sane person would put a hit on a bunch of assassins and hitmen?" His voice is softer as he thinks aloud.

You slap his chest to pull his attention to you again. "I'm so mad at you! You could have died!"

"You kissed him," Lemon repeats, staring at the both of you as if he's in a trance. Then, he shakes his head and puts in between you and Tangerine, his arms outstretched on either side of him. "Will you fucks just shut up for one goddamn second?!" he glares at his brother and then looks at you, "You kissed him!?"

You bite your lip, the situation sinking in.

Shit.

"She's done much more than that," Tangerine says, his tone smug.

"Tan!?"

"What?!" Lemon snaps his head to look at his brother.

Realization dawns on him as he looks between his two favorite people and a look of disgust soon graces his features, "Gross! You've been hooking up? Seriously?!"

Tangerine stares at his brother sternly, "No. I love her. We love each other."

Lemon looks even more appalled and he looks at you as if you've lost your mind, "You love this arsehole?" he asks. You feel warmth on your cheeks but you nod and see Tangerine's shoulders visibly relax when you admit to Lemon you love him too. "Thomas help me," Lemon mutters and holds his head as he slumps back down on the pavement, "You fuckers are givin' me a headache."

Tangerine rolls his eyes and pulls your attention back to him when he touches your arm and moves you away from Lemon. You look up at him, still incredibly angry but the touch of his calloused hand on your cheek weakens your anger. "Peach," he whispers and pulls you in as he kisses your forehead, "'M okay, see, 'm not dead," he tells you as if one of his arms isn't in a sling.

"I can take care of myself, you know—" you pout, but you let him hold you close.

"I know. But ya have me now. You've always had me," Tangerine says and looks you in the eyes, "I wasn't thinking, okay? I was just scared of losing ya. Can ya forgive me?"

He says it so softly you have no choice but to accept his demand and you nod.

"Lucky me," Tangerine chuckles and then kisses your lips sweetly. You roll your eyes at him when he drapes his suit coat over your shoulders to keep you warm as you walk back to the car but you lean into him anyway. Lemon trails behind you both, pouting.

When he catches up, he says, "No kissing in front of me, alright?!"

"No promises," Tangerine winks at you and nuzzles his chin in your hair.

"Ugh, Peach, dump this arsehole already!" Lemon sounds exasperated by you both and you laugh, deciding to add a little salt to the wound.

"But Daddy, I love him," you fake a whine in a high-pitched voice, quoting one of Lemon's favorite movies. Lemon, although understanding the reference, looks absolutely horrified at this.

"Don't call me that!"

"Don't call him that," Tangerine deadpans at the same time as his brother and pulls you in closer. You giggle when his mustache tickles your ear as he jokes in a whisper that you can only call him that when the time is right.

Lemon loses his shit when he hears his brother and he immediately pretends to gag for the rest of the walk back to the car.

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inklore · 1 year

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desperately need him to tell me to be silent

fool me twice

pairing: joel miller x f!smuggler!reader

word count: 2.7k

warnings: eighteen+ content, piv, mean!joel (more frustrated than anything), dirty talk, public sex-ish, small mentions of hair pulling and biting, thigh riding, orgasm denial, established enemy’s with benefits.

note: yeahh you didn’t ask for this but i couldn’t help myself because i’m addicted to this man and i need him in every way possible!! special thanks to my darling @psychedelic-ink for beta reading this ilysm bby.

part of this world but you don't have to read it to enjoy this!

You could play dumb, tell yourself lies, and wonder how you ended up with your back to a dirty building's brick, out past curfew, playing a game of innocence with a man who can read bullshit from a mile away.

A fact everyone knew.

Or comes to learn if you decide to test that scowl and glint of cruelty in his eyes that many mistake for miserableness.

Facts you’ve come to learn from your own foolishness—and the countless times your boss has sent you to deal with a fuckup he made. Because who’s going to mess up such a pretty face. His words, when you had told him to do it himself. But his cowardice won out, and you had to grit your teeth and refrain from familiarizing your fist with his jaw.

Smuggling, stealing, and scavenging were preferable to cleaning up shit or burning corpses until the stench of burnt hair and skin embedded in your own flesh lingered far beyond any crevices murky bucket water could clean.

And besides the few assholes you had to deal with, the job wasn’t bad.

Joel could be put on that asshole list. He was definitely on Robert’s. But to be fair, if you too had gotten a handful of blackened eyes and bruised ribs from Joel, you’d send a lackey to do your job to cover your ass for having screwed the man over once again.

Unlike the other assholes he sent you to deal with, dealing with Joel was more of a pleasure than an inconvenience.

Even if he could read through your bullshit. Maybe that’s why you liked him so much. Why these meetings went so easy, you could lie through your teeth and he could decipher the truth through your smirk and tone so easily that you barely had to try to be believable because you knew he already knew the truth.

But that didn’t mean you still didn’t try to come up with your best lie. to prod at that scowl until it thinned out, his jaw clenched, sick of your shit before the game even started.

Playing dumb had no room between the two of you because there was a lack of it. Not when his chest is pressed to yours, pushing you further into the wall, making your lungs gasp for the air he’s forcing out of you.

“You gonna keep me here all night, or are you gonna make this easy for both of us?” His tone stern, rigid, threatening.

And you’d be scared if you couldn’t feel the hardness of his cock pressing into your inner thigh. If the two of you weren’t used to this. This little game—the play before the third act—that has curses and nails digging into each other's skin.

You once attempted to retrace the events that led to this situation that the two of you frequently found yourselves in—touches and grazes that only occurred during these meetups. Your eyes avoided each other in crowds and on the street when you weren’t in this alley. When you weren’t making a show of threats and being pissed off.

The anger was always real for Joel, though. Always truly pissed off at Robert’s need to be a slime ball. The anger never faltered, even when he was buried deep inside of you. You paid the price, that would usually be a punch, a bruise, with a hard fuck and not being able to sit down the next day without wincing.

And in the sickest, filthiest way, you loved it. But that is what this world creates—ways to survive and sustain. To cover up the ugly with something that stings and burns with safety and life. A reminder that what you’re doing isn’t as bad as what's beyond the walls. You can still feel bad, hurt, and fuck because you're alive and not growing fungus.

“It wasn’t–”

The tight grab of your jaw, his fingers digging into your heated skin, make your words die on your tongue. “No matter how many times you repeat it, don’t mean I’m gonna believe it. What did Robert do with the battery? Bullshit me and you’ll regret it.”

“That a promise?” Your smirk lasts all of a few seconds before you’re wincing from the marks he’s leaving against the skin of your jaw. A silent threat. A look of rage in his eyes; a fire you know you won't be able to extinguish no matter how many jokes and lies you tell tonight. “He sold it to someone else.”

“Who?”

“Ahh, I don’t know.” Your nails dig into his wrist as you try to pry it from your aching jaw. His brows raise a warning that this is your last chance. “I swear.”

There’s a low growl in the back of his throat as he releases you, but he makes no move to remove his closeness. His chest still stealing your air. There’s a slight look of anguish laced in his curses and lowered brows. It makes you feel bad, and it's annoying.

Robert was a piece of shit, but it wasn’t your fault he fucked up this deal. So why should you feel bad? Take on those feelings when it wasn’t your deal to begin with. It’s not as if you and Joel were anything but warm bodies to take things out on. He didn’t need your pity, and you didn’t have the energy to give it to him.

What you did have the energy for, though, was making the inside of your thigh unbearably hot. That heat trailing up your body and embedding itself in the ache between your legs that housed your desire for Joel.

It’s why you don’t think twice about rocking your hips forward at the right angle so the seam of your jeans rubs against the top of his thigh, giving you the friction your throbbing pussy needs—your own thigh rubbing along his hard cock.

The shudder your body gives from the motion, the repetition of it, makes your insides melt even more when Joel’s glare burns a hole through you. He makes no move to stop you. Just watches you, eyes flashing between your lips and the way your hips move against him.

“Joel,” you whine. The noise is more of a demand than a plea for him to touch you. To get to the best part of your night before FEDRA catches you coming on his thigh and the two of you get locked up.

“What? You don’t need me to get you off; if you want it, take it.” His palms splay outward and bracket around your head as he puts them on the dirty brick, encasing you completely now. Shielding you from the darkness around you, all you can smell is him—musky, burnt coal, wood—in the same breath as all you can feel is his weight on you.

“Joel.” Your hips stutter to a stop. You refuse to beg him; you didn’t beg. Neither before nor after the world went to shit. You were not going to start now, even if the outcome would be in your favor.

Was this your punishment for the fuckup? “Are you really punishing me right now?” You want to laugh, want to berate him, and feed him more bullshit so he can’t see the disappointment that’s slowly seeping into your chest.

He doesn’t answer, just pushes his leg up and moves it along the crotch of your jeans. "Go ahead,” his mouth comes closer to yours. "Take what you want, isn't that what you do anyway? You take and take,” his movements match his words. "And there's no consequence," he says, as your nails dig into his shirt and your hips move involuntarily after each drag and pull. “Not for you, why would there be? You’re just the messenger.” His teeth bite at the skin of your chin, causing you to whimper.

You let out a soft cry when his fingers dig into your hair, pulling the strands so your neck is on display for him. So he can bite and lick the sensitive skin with roughness, “So take what you want. Do your job.”

The closer you get to coming, the harder he pushes up against you. The more your legs shake from the stance and strain, the more your knuckles and fingers burn from gripping the fabric of his shirt. His mouth is everywhere but on yours, where you dumbly wish it was. Where you refuse to beg him to go.

But you don’t need them to get there. To tumble over that precipice and see stars behind your lids. All you need is more, just a little bit more, and you’ll be com–

Your body feels cold and stilted in time when he pulls away. Leaving your hips to follow nothing but air, your whimpers and moans turned into puffs of agitation. Whines swallowed down your dried throat.

Joel doesn't give you a chance to reprimand or lament the orgasm you were about to have. To gather yourself enough to jab him with a brash comment covering up your need. His hand on your forearm squeezes and maneuvers you so your back is to him instead of the wall. His weight encases you once more, your cheek pressing into the cold brick. The tip of his boot kicks at your feet to spread your legs; your body moves on instinct and desire as your back bows and you push your ass out to him.

The drag of your jeans and underwear feels chafed and tight just below your ass, where Joel lets them rest. Where he’s too impatient to push them further down, giving himself enough room for him to push inside of you.

His fingers brush against your ass as he pulls himself from his jeans, wrapping a hand around his cock to bring it to where you’re soaked and pounding for him. Where all your heat is concentrated from how badly you want this.

Your nail beds scrape against the caked-on dirt of the building as the tip of his cock crests your entrance. A moan rips through the back of your throat, loud and raw, as your walls stretch and burn to accommodate his girth.

Your chest heaves harder as Joel's hand moves to cover your mouth, eyes screwed shut as he bottoms out. Nudging at the part of you that has you squirming against him, your thighs scraping against the building.

And when he delivers the first thrust, hard and slow, those delirious black stars line your vision. Pleasure shooting through your spine in a way that has desperate and pathetic noises falling from your lips and to the rough skin of the palm encasing them.

"Since you’re so good at keepin’ things quiet for Robert.” He grunts against your ear, venom poisoning the words so they sound harsh and heavy-handed. “Let’s see how quiet you can be for me," his hips snap against your ass. Jostling your body against the brick and back onto his cock as he fucks you hard and unrelentingly.

Your mewls against his palm are louder than they should be. Your teeth sink into your lip in an attempt to muffle more of your noises. Your insides are already burning with pleasure from the gasps he's eliciting with each rough drag of his cock. That you crave. That only Joel feeds to you without remorse or mercy because it’s what you both need.

He’s tired of getting screwed over by the world, and you’re tired of putting on your tough act, of not being able to be weak because you’ll be preyed upon by the monsters this world has created.

Joel’s breath is hot and heavy against your ear; the two of you screwed if anyone were to look down here. If a lone soldier were to shine his light and find his prisoners for the night, but neither of you seem to care. You never do, not when you’re both feeding off each other like your own sick versions of the clickers outside the wall. Taking and tearing each other down until you’re spent, panting, and covered in the others mess.

He makes you delirious. Weak. Heady. All things you’re not allowed to be, to feel, in this place.

You’d happily let Robert fuck over Joel a million times if it meant you’d end up with his cock in you, his mouth on your skin, filthy words and threats etched in bites and licks, all completely consuming you. Turning you into a moaning mess barely able to stand, his arm wrapping around your midsection to keep you in place. To keep your ass pressed to his pelvis so he can continue his hard strokes.

Building up your climax again. Bringing you back to that precipice ten times more earth-shattering than before.

There will be marks on your cheek in the light of the day tomorrow. Stings from the reminder of being stretched. Marks on your skin that will be missed by the blind eye but will make a jolt of electricity burn through you when your fingers absentmindedly move across them.

“D’you enjoy it?” He asks, “Paying what’s owed to me with your body?” You can taste copper against your tongue from the bites your lower lip is taking. Your head nods in the confirmation you can’t give with the moans trapped behind your bloodied lip.

Joel hums and groans into the skin just below your ear. His forehead pressed into your temple. His words tighten that coil inside you the more he speaks, the more your wetness coats the inside of your thighs from the way he drags his hardness out, only to push it back in even harder. “Christ you’re so filthy. My filthy fuckin’ girl.”

His girl.

Only in these moments.

Only with heat against you—from within you.

And when this is over, you’ll go back to being the girl who works for the guy he can’t stand. The thief. The smuggler.

He’ll go back to the remnants of his life, and you to yours, until you meet in this trash-filled alleyway again. He’ll grunt dirty words and sing praises into your skin as your body takes all he’s willing to give.

If you think about it deeply enough, it might make your chest hurt. Might make something out of nothing. But you refuse to do that because, fuck, you love being his girl, if only for a little while. As pitiful as it sounds.

You want to tell him to say it again. To tell you you’re his girl. To bite it into your skin as he fucks you harder and faster. All that can be heard are cut-off mewls and whimpers from you, though. Words failing while pleasure coats them like honey.

He knows though, can probably tell by the pulsating grips of your walls tightening around his cock. “There ya go, take what you want. Take it from me, baby. You can have it. Come on,” it’s a gruff command on the verge of a groan. That white-hot heat at the backs of your eyelids, ready to engulf your body in that debilitating ecstasy.

His name is on the tip of your tongue as you feel it growing closer and closer, until it’s gone.

Until Joel pulls his cock out of your clenching heat and shoots rope after rope of his hot come on your ass cheek. His deep groan muffled by the nape of your neck. Curses and declarations uttered without meaning in the headiness of pleasure.

Your stomach sinks when you hear the clanging of his belt buckle, the fumbling of his fingers righting himself, and the warmth of his body gone from your back. There have been many nights where he’s finished before you, when there was a time crunch and you needed to be quick. His mouth or fingers always returning the favor, bringing you there with ease and memory of how to touch you.

When you turn around and look at him, there's a half-smirk on his face, any glints of kindness dying in the fire of the anger he still clearly feels at Robert's hands.

“Really?”

“Who’d Robert sell the battery to?”

You scowl at him, “Joel-”

“Find out.” He steps back into your space. Gives you the quickest peck to your lips before he’s pulling away. “And then I’ll repay ya.”

You swat his hands away when they try to fix your jeans, a death glare making him snort, as you right yourself and storm from the alleyway.

You were going to kill Robert.

Or at the very least beat some information out of him.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #joel miller smut #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x you #tlou smut #the last of us fic #pedro pascal fics #joel miller x y/n #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal one shot #joel miller fic #joel miller x f!reader #thots !

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call-me-strega · 8 months

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How to Become a Step-Dad in 5 Easy Steps: part 1

Jason meets Single Dad Danny who is taking care of a de-aged Dani while trying to get his degree at Gotham U. Both of them fall hard, hijinks and shenanigans ensue, simping on both sides.

Edit: background info/lore found here

Edit: part 2 now found here

~~~~

Step 1: Meet an attractive single parent

As a Crime Lord/vigilante Red Hood had multiple safe houses that he used in and out of the mask. Some were for each exclusive identity to prevent anyone from linking them together and others used for both. Currently, Jason was walking out of his 2nd favorite safe house and the mostly permanent residence of “civilian and non-profit worker: Jason Todd” with a plate of cookies and a pan full of lasagna for his new neighbors that moved in two doors down. He may have been a street rat but he’d be damned if Alfred and Talia hadn’t taught him hospitality (it was a fact of life that grandparents and Asian people would try to feed their guests like their honor depended on it). Plus it was a great way to do some reconnaissance on whether or not these new neighbors could potentially pose an issue. The apartment complex was on the border of Crime Alley and Burnley meaning the people who lived there weren’t doing too hot money-wise but were at least able to avoid the worst of Crime Alley. Jason was just planning to go over introduce himself, hand over the homemade food, and head off to a different safe house to get his gear and patrol. However, he was not expecting to see his new neighbor standing outside struggling to open his own door, a six-year-old on his hip, arguing with someone over the phone. The young man had a lean build and appeared to be no older than 20, give or take a year or two. He had black bangs that cast a shadow on his face making his eye-bags appear even darker and startling blue eyes clouded with anger and resentment, likely towards whoever was on the phone. He was so occupied with his conversation he didn’t seem to notice that someone else had stepped into the hallway. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a loose white shirt with a NASA logo on it that slightly hung off his shoulder. He also wore a black hoodie with a white hood and neon green accents that seemed to be subject to his sister(?)’s death grip. Despite his disheveled state, there was something about his new neighbor that drew him in. His aura washed over Jason like a cool breeze on a hot day making it hard for Jason to look away. He would have continued assessing the man if he hadn’t made eye contact with the identical blue eyes of the young girl perched on his hip, who looked at him with a curious sparkle in her eyes. He discreetly turned back around to lock his own door, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation the elder (brother?) seemed to be having. It could provide some info on these new neighbors.

“-shut up Vlad! I’m not moving into your rich guy penthouse! I wouldn’t be taking any of your shady money if I didn’t need child support for Ellie!”

Huh. So her dad/guardian then?

“ Of course I have to do this Vald! What’s the other option, sending her back to a Frootloop like you?! … I’m not going to abandon Ellie for something that wasn’t her choice. She didn’t ask to be created Vlad that’s why she gets a chance.”

Okay so setting aside the rather concerning parts New Neighbor Guy™️ was definitely that child’s parent. Seems fairly rational as well.

“How do I know you’d be a terrible guardian? Plenty of reasons, do you want the list chronologically or alphabetized! You violated me, who you said you wanted to adopt despite me having two living parents, you created Ellie and several other failed attempts without my knowledge, you hid her from me, you tried to teach her to hate me before we even met, you named her Danielle after me instead of giving her her own identity, the list goes on and on Vlad! Do you want me to continue because that’s just the stuff that involves Ellie— I was 14, you middle-aged vampire look-alike! Of course I wasn’t jumping at the chance to become a teen dad! I was a freshman in high school! Besides you know what my parents are like, lab safety regulations were more like a healthy suggestion to them. I was in no position to be taking care of a child!”

Rage flashed in Jason’s eyes as he tightened his grip on his glass Tupperware pan full of lasagna. This conversation was not painting a pretty picture about his neighbor’s situation. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself before belatedly realizing his neighbor had gotten real quiet. He turned around, catching the tail end of his neighbor’s conversation as he finally succeeded in opening the door.

“Whatever Vlad, just keep paying your child support and for Ancients’ sake please stop trying to date my mom. …. Yeah, yeah screw you too Count Chocula.”

The neighbor set his daughter down, likely so she could enter the apartment, and slipped his phone from between his head and shoulder into his hand to hang up on that Vlad guy. Now seemed like as good a time as any to approach. Jason walked up the the young man and coughed trying to get his attention. The young man met Jason’s eyes with a somewhat surprised look. As if he wasn’t unaware of Jason’s presence but hadn’t expected him to talk to him. Jason decided he should start speaking now before things got too awkward.

“Uh- Hi, I’m Jason. I live a few doors down in 357,” he said glancing at the 353 on his neighbors’ door before he continued. “I heard you moving in a few days ago and thought I’d swing by with some food to welcome you to the building.” He stuck out his hand for the other to shake.

“Hi I’m Danny, Danny Nightingale,” he said taking Jason’s hand and ‘Wow his hands are cold’, “ and this little munchkin here is Ellie!” Danny and Ellie flashed him matching smiles like twin suns making Jason's heart melt. He returned their smiles before extending the food to Danny.

“ I don’t know if you’ve had time to get groceries yet but here’s some homemade lasagna if you need a quick meal while you’re getting settled,” he then crouched down to Ellie’s level and stage-whispered in her ear conspiratorially “ and there are some chocolate chip cookies on that plate too.”

Ellie giggled out a thank and threw her arms around Jason’s neck, giving him a quick hug before letting go and dashing into the apartment. Jason watched her go, stunned but feeling warm and fuzzy inside. He turned his attention back to Danny, who shook his head and huffed amusedly. They made eye contact as Jason rose and realized he was a head taller than the guy. He felt the heat expanding in his chest and crawling up his neck, curling behind his ears. He decided now that Ellie had gone in it would be a good time to talk to Danny about what he overheard.

“ So it really wasn’t my intention to do so but I overheard some of that conversation you were having over the phone earlier,” he watched Danny’s smile drop a bit as he winced. Jason awkwardly brought up his hand to scratch the back of his neck and continued.

“ Look I don’t wanna insert myself into your situation but if you ever need help I’m just a few doors down. And if that guy gets pushy or stops sending his child support I can help you find a couple of avenues you can take. Plus, although we’re technically outside Red Hood’s territory I’m sure he wouldn’t mind extending protection over you like he does for the other Crime Alley folk if ya really need it.”

Danny’s face smoothed out looking a bit flushed and appreciative as he went on. He gave Jason a small smile and replied, “ Thank you for the offer. I really do appreciate it. Might just take ya up on it at some point. As for Red Hood? I think I’ll avoid needing the protection of a crime boss vigilante if I can help it. Don’t worry too much about Vlad though. I’ve got him handled currently and he’ll behave if he knows what’s good for him!” Danny smiled threateningly towards the end of his reassurance. (‘His canines are peaking out that’s so cute’)

Jason chuckled with Danny as their eyes locked once more. They stayed lost in each others’ eyes for what seemed like hours before they heard a thump followed by a small “oof” coming from inside the apartment. Danny turned to the door and called out to Ellie,

“Ellie, what was that? Are you okay”

“I’m fine! My shirt just fell!”

“That sounded heavier than a shirt?”

“I was in it!”

Danny sighed, shaking his head before turning to Jason once more.

“Thank you again for the food, any chance you’d like to come in and have something to drink?”

“Thanks for the offer but I’ll have to decline. I need to start heading out for work.”

“Well then, I shouldn’t keep you. I’d hate to make you late for work.” He waved goodbye as Jason nodded his head and started walking down the hall.

His neighbors seemed entirely harmless he decided as he walked away. ‘The kid was cute’ he thought to himself. A smaller voice from the back of his head that sounded vaguely like the Pits chimed in ‘Her dad was even cuter.’

~~~~~ Please let me know what you guys think and if you want to see more of this. I thrive on feedback so feel free to leave any notes or comments!

#dc x dp #danny phantom #jason todd #danny fenton #danielle fenton #jason todd x danny fenton #dead on main #single parent au #SingleDad!DannyFenton #de-aged Ellie #long post #fluff #comedy #misunderstandings #How to Become a Step-Dad in 5 Easy Steps #HBSD sounds like a good acronym #Better than HBSD5ES

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traumasurvivors · 10 months

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Here's a link to a blog post on my personal website on a topic that I think is very important.

I've also put it below the read more for people that don't like external links.

When it comes to healing from trauma, there are a lot of emotions an individual may feel. One of these emotions is anger. Anger is one of the emotions I see invalidated the most. For example, I’ve been told that being angry is “letting the person who hurt me win.” I’ve been told that I’m only hurting myself with my anger and that it’s holding me back from healing. All of these assumptions were wrong.

Anger is often viewed as a bad thing because it can drive a lot of unpleasant behaviours but it can be used for good. While anger can hurt you and others, it doesn’t have to. There is a difference between destructive anger and constructive anger. Destructive anger is often expressed in a way that causes harm to yourself or others whereas constructive anger can be used to better understand your situation and figure out your needs. Constructive anger can be a way to show respect for yourself.

For example, if you’re in a situation with a friend where they do something that makes you angry (for example: cancelling plans, forgetting an important date, etc), constructive anger may involve you stepping away from the situation to figure out the cause of your anger (for example: you feel their actions imply you’re not important to them) so that you can then sit down with your friend and communicate in a calm manner. This may allow your relationship to grow and build with a better understanding of each other. Destructive anger in this situation may involve you yelling at your friend and insulting them, which will likely damage or destroy the relationship. If the hurt your friend has caused makes you want to re-evaluate your friendship, this is valid and there are still constructive ways to end a friendship that will cause the least amount of hurt for all involved. It is also important to note that ignoring the anger and bottling up is likely to cause a bigger blow up down the line or cause “overreactions” to other circumstances.

If anger is bottled up, it can end up coming out unintentionally. You might find you’re getting much angrier at everyday annoyances and disagreements than you might think reasonable. People might push you away or respond badly to your anger, because they feel they do not deserve it - and looking back later, you might feel they don’t deserve it, either. However, because of the anger you’re holding back, you can’t see that in the moment. This is why it is important to think and consider your anger, and listen to what it’s trying to tell you. I have found asking questions of myself to analyze my anger can help, such as in an anger inventory like this one.

While many people see anger as an emotion that causes people to lash out and destroy things, anger can also help to motivate people to create new things. Marches to “Take back the night”, or for “gay pride” have much of their motivation based in anger at injustice and oppression. New laws to better protect survivors of domestic abuse or otherwise help society are often driven by people feeling a huge amount of anger. Properly harnessed, anger can help to take action to change things for the better.

On a more personal level, anger can also be a motivator to improve one’s own life. Many people have used the anger they felt at those who put them down as a motivation toward success. That success might be completing schooling, winning an international athletic competition or publishing a novel. One thing all of those have in common is that they are rarely possible to do with only a little time or a little effort. They are time-consuming tasks which usually require months if not years of work. They can be easy to give up on without motivation - and for many, anger is a big help to keeping that motivation.

It took me years to feel anger. For the first while, I felt ashamed, guilty and like I deserved the abuse I’d endured. Feeling angry at the people responsible for this was a step in my healing. I began putting the blame on those responsible and not myself. I was realizing that I did not deserve to be treated in the harmful ways that I was. This was huge to me as someone that had spent years thinking I deserved my trauma and as a result, future trauma and abuse as well.

There were instances where my anger was destructive, mostly to myself. I engaged in self-harm as a way to vent my anger and it also caused problems in my relationship at the time because I held my anger in and would get really frustrated and project my anger onto my relationship which was not fair to my partner.

Over the years, I’ve learned to cope with my anger more efficiently. What works for someone is largely dependent on them and their needs. For me, it was a literal punching bag to vent out frustrations and journaling. It was sitting down with my anger and treating it like a friend trying to protect me (because it was in a way). It was listening to it and finding the cause. My true anger came from those who hurt me, and in a way, took a part of me. My anger largely came from grief and betrayal. Understanding where it came from did not make it disappear, but it did offer me perspective and allow me to better manage it.

For some, anger is a cover up for other emotions. It becomes a defense mechanism against feeling the sadness, hurt and other emotions that a person does not want to feel. The anger is just the first layer and understanding where that anger comes from, and that the anger is a cover up is a great step in moving beyond it. Feeling the emotions beneath it will play a big part in moving beyond the anger.

Anger is a valid and understandable emotion when it comes to healing from trauma, even if your trauma does not have a specific person to blame (natural disasters and death of a loved one are examples). If the person who hurt you did not mean to or did not know better (like another child), anger is still a valid emotion. You’ve been hurt and you should not have been and it is reasonable to feel angry at this.

For a lot of us, anger plays a part in our healing. And that’s okay! You’re allowed to feel angry. Anger becomes an issue when you allow it to consume you and hurt you or others. The feeling itself is not inherently bad, and it can actually be a good thing. Your anger can be used to help you. It’s what you do with your anger that decides whether it’s helpful to you or not. When I was first told that my anger was “letting the other person win,” I believed that and felt invalidated. I have since realized that my anger has been an important part in understanding my pain and my needs. My anger is not letting someone else win, but letting me win, by helping me to heal.

#my blog posts #i am going to be gradually re-posting my posts #with text under a read more #to make them more accessible to people that don't like external links #anger

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hannahlovesluca · 5 months

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Deceiving

| warnings: cheating, one sided love

| genre: angst

| summary: neuvi loves wrio more than he ever did you.

Neuvillette’s eyes dart across the room, clearly avoiding looking into your own.

If it weren’t for the melusines (and Lumine and Paimon), you would have been completely oblivious to this whole situation.

“You never cared, did you Neuvi?”

Neuvillette was at a loss for words.

Of course he cared, he cared so much.

He just… didn’t care enough.

That was the issue.

But Neuvillette knew that wasn't the right thing to say. He wasn’t sure what was the right thing to say. He could have said so much.

“I love you Y/N,”

“But my love for Wriothesley is everlasting,”

Those were the words he settled on.

His words, his feelings, were so empty.

The tears are no longer building up.

Instead, they’re flooding down, creating a mini hurricane right beneath your eyes.

There are no words that could have been better than what Neuvillette said.

No words can fix this.

Nothing can change the outcome.

“S-so.. everything w-was fake, th-then?”

Tears brim the edge of Neuvillette’s purple-grey eyes.

His fists clench at his sides.

Neuvillette is trying to find the courage to say something, anything, that will help, but he can't.

Neuvillette couldn’t.

And he didn't.

Instead, he took off out of the room.

You watch as the door of the Palais Mermonia slams shut, and you hear the faint click of the lock.

A wave of anger overcomes you.

With all your strength, you chuck a pillow across the room. It makes a soft thud as it hits the door, but ultimately, it just falls to the floor, unphased.

It was as if you had done nothing at all.

As if the last few hundred years with Neuvillette hadn’t happened.

And you hate that.

You hate it.

The rage that has filled you has now vanished.

The anger, the pain, the sadness, the confusion, the loneliness. It all comes crashing down at once. The tears are unstoppable, the sobs are uncontrollable.

#neuvillette x reader #neuvilette genshin #wriolette #genshin x reader #genshin angst #neuvillette angst #hannahlovesluca

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the-crimson · 8 months

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I’m just spinning q!bbh in my mind rn I’ve got theories and analysis and bits of it are a stretch and it is rambly and long so it’s going under a cut but here we go XD

Everything he’s done since the eggs were taken has been so incredibly deliberate and he developed this plan when he was in the depths of the greatest despair. According to what he told Baghera today, he developed this plan before the anger stream when he lava cast the presidential office as that was part of the plan to draw out the workers.

So Bad blatantly lying and gaslighting and just being incredibly suspicious to everyone today feels deliberate. It feels like he’s intentionally burning these bridges. The whole gun debacle is a great example of this. I saw a post that suspected bbh took Ron to test Baghera and her loyalty to him by doing something he knows she’d disapprove of and while I don’t think that’s why he took Ron, I defiantly think that’s part of it.

The whole gun thing I feel is Bad’s test for Forever. Bad has lied to his face and changed the story so many times that even when Bad tells him the truth Forever doesn’t care. I think Bad is intentionally pushing Forever just like he is Baghera. He’s pushing him to see what it would take for Forever to cut ties. It’s brutal and is actively hurting Forever just like how Baghera was hurt learning what Bad had done to Ron.

Bad feels no guilt for what he’s done to Ron. All he cares about is what others would think of his actions. He knows what he’s doing is “wrong” but he doesn’t care. Such black and white morality is beneath him. He’s doing what he thinks is necessary.

And that includes his own self destruction. He is testing all of these relationships knowing full well that he might destroy them. He knows Baghera is so much more moral than him and has such a higher value of life so he intentionally showed her something that would shatter her perception of him. Bad knows that trust is very important to forever so he intentionally lies and gaslights him knowing full well that Forever may never trust him again.

Bad created this plan when he was at his lowest point. On an average day, Bad’s value of his own life is nonexistent. He designed a plan to uncover how the federation spies on them knowing full well that it could turn everyone against him. That sure sounds familiar doesn’t it? Bad’s proposed this exact same plan under different circumstances(“joining” the feds to make them worse so everyone revolts against them inspired by his building inspector bit”). He doesn’t care about himself and is willing to throw himself to the wolves and make everyone hate him if it means defeating the federation and getting their children back. Previously, bad never went through with the plan because he wasn’t as desperate but now… during the depths of his grief after the kids were stolen, there was nothing holding him back from complete self annihilation.

I think Tubbo discovering/catching on to bbh’s kidnapping put a hitch in Bad’s plans because now his tests for others are being influenced by an outside variable he can’t control, that’s why he spent the whole day doing damage control. He’s trying to spin the story in such a way that he’s still somewhat in control of the situation. He knows that the cats out of the bag. Everyone is going to suspect him now so what does he do? He spends the day making himself even more suspicious. He admitted to torturing foolish in the past. He admitted to imprisoning forever during the happy pills arc. He admitted to planning on abducting a player in the future. He’s making himself look so much more guilty.

Everything he does is with intent. What could be the intent here? He’s told several people that he wants to be arrested so he has access to the federation prisons/facilities. He’s told several people that he is capable of kidnapping/torturing someone. He denies he’s guilty of Ron’s disappearance while simultaneously making himself look guilty. Is he trying to push the federation? To see if they actually will arrest him? All fingers point to bbh and the federation knows this - they basically say so in the journals Tubbo found. But they continue doing nothing. The workers are warned to stay away from him at all costs but… why wouldn’t they just arrest him? They’ve done so to others for less. That’s the question I want Tubbo to be asking. He’s smart enough to realize there’s something off here. Yes bad has a guy in his basement but why hasn’t the federation done anything about it?

Maybe that’s Bad’s test for Tubbo. Bad knows Tubbo is fiercely intelligent and that he can’t bullshit has way past him so he gave Tubbo so much. Yes there was a lot of bullshit but Bad intentionally gave Tubbo more ammunition against him. Is that Bad’s test? If Tubbo finds proof that Bad has Ron in his basement and the federation continues not to act, will that clear Tubbo of suspicion in his eyes? Tubbo knows the worker Bad is trying to find, is Bad giving Tubbo a chance to unknowingly prove himself by uncovering Bad’s secret? “Has anyone ever told you your too smart for your own good, Tubbo?” It sounded like a threat but it could have been an invitation.

Fred has become an incredibly important npc and I have a feeling he is the key to unlocking the mysteries of the eggs and the great evil. I’m pretty sure he’s the one in the radio transmission that talks about why the eggs disappeared and Ron said he overheard Fred talking about the evil. Fred knows so much more than he lets on and one way or another, the players are gonna find out.

I’m also fascinated by Bad’s conversation with Bagi about Boo. Only after Bagi confessed to telling Forever about the secret did Bad put in his clipboard that she passed the test. We’ll how did she pass the test? She told someone about his secret. We’ll, she came clean about it. She told someone she thought was Bad’s best friend then admitted it. She wasn’t trying to go behind his back and thus was trustworthy. However, as the day went on and Bagi learned about Ron, this changed. Her perception of Bad changed and Bad updated his notes about her in response. She went from trustworthy to sometimes trustworthy to be careful what you tell her. She still passed the test but the level of trust dropped dramatically - which is so fascinating.

At the end of it, I think… through all of this, Bad is gonna burn all his bridges in order to find the eggs and destroy the federation. He’s accepted that at this point. He was so dismissive of Baghera’s concerns for Ron and Bad and almost felt like he was placating her, just telling her what she wanted to hear. If Baghera interferes with Ron, I don’t think Bad will accept that and he would sacrifice their relationship to continue his plans. If anything, I could see him releasing Ron into Baghera’s hands only to capture Fred in his place - and this time he wouldn’t tell a soul.

Just the sudden switch in attitude when everyone triggered his radar was palpable. “Get out of my house or die” he was so furious that this test had been interrupted but he masked it while with baghera. When Bad went flying into the hall of grim shouting at everyone to get out and attacking them mercilessly, you could feel the rage (part of that was the lore secrets being accidentally revealed but still) the entire visit with Ron was a performance for both Ron and Baghera and I feel so bad for Baghera because she’s in an impossible position.

She wants to be there for Bad she wants to support him but this… this is so far beyond what she is willing to excuse from him. This has crossed so many lines but there isn’t any turning back. She doesn’t want to lose Bad either through breaking his trust or being taken by the federation but at the same time she can’t stand by and do nothing. She needs to help him. Unfortunately, that means it’s highly likely Bad will end up immolating their friendship if she pushes too hard.

And just the way Bad acts around Ron is so fascinating. It’s all a performance. The large furnished home. The fridge full of food. The fish. The weird attachment Bad shows - almost a reverse Stockholm syndrome - while simultaneously talking over/for Ron in such a dehumanizing way. It’s so fascinating in the moments when the mask falls away. When Bad was watching Baghera talk to Ron - idk if it was just me - but I felt like Bad was a hawk observing it’s prey. He plays up the sugary sweetness and dependence but he still feels like a tiger prowling the bars of his cage eyeing the snacks on the other side. It’s the way he moves and what he choosss to look at during these scenes idk bbh’s body language is insane and I could devote an entire essay to analyzing it

Like Bad’s stream title before he started stream, there are only two sides. Either ur with him or against him and the only thing he values is finding the eggs and tearing down the federation. He doesn’t care if everyone grows to hate him. He doesn’t care if he grows to hate himself. There are no lines he won’t cross. It’s all worth it. It’s all inevitable.

#qsmp #crimson speaks #badboyhalo #ok this got really long #and rambly #idk if it’s even legible #but I have so many thoughts about his current arc #it’s masterful storytelling #and I can’t wait to see where it leads #I hope he gets worse #I hope the federations fear of him spreads to the players #I hope he burns every bridge #and at the end when there is nothing but embers #he realizes the cost wasn’t worth it #and it breaks him #I want people to be scared of him #I want a villain arc damn it!!#but if it doesn’t happen that’s okay to #I’m sure what ever direction bbh takes us will be amazing

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de4dlyniightshade · 4 months

Note

can you do pregnant reader gets angry at post prison reid and baby reid for a stupid reason

꩜ PAIRING: spencer reid x afab!reader

꩜ RATING: none

꩜ WARNINGS/CONTAINS!: none besides mild arguing but not really

A/N: idk how both scenarios ended up with both crying

- post prison reid:

"hey, spence could you come help me move this table?" you called to him as he sat on your shared sofa, book in hand as you put away and organised your little book corner on your own, already mildly annoyed that he hadn't offered to help or put away the books he'd taken out.

"yeah, could it wait 'til i finish this chapter?" his tone was more like he was telling you to wait rather than asking you(to your pregnant mind), which set you off, letting out an irritated sigh as you unceremoniously dropped the book you were holding onto said table, the hard cover creating a loud bang that startled him, his head whipping around in confusion.

"doesn't matter." you huffed, walking away from the table to head to your bedroom, spencer jumping from his seat at your change in demeanour.

"no no, i'll help, sorry" he apologised but you were already on a roll, you'd set your mind to it and that table was staying where it was.

"oh so now you wanna help?" you snapped, turning to glare at him, his wide eyes looking back at you, slightly hurt at your outburst and your bitter tone and he suddenly felt a lump in his throat, you'd never been so hostile with him before and it hurt.

"i-i'm sorry if i- if i did something wrong, please don't be mad at me" he spoke meekly, his voice cracking as he did, lip quivering slightly as he avoided your eyes.

the sight of him upset at your words made your emotions go into overdrive, tears spilling over your waterline almost immediately as you began sobbing hysterically, spencer's eyes becoming massive as he rushed to your side, placing his hand on your back as you stood double over, sobs wracking your body as you spoke nonsense, not a single word intelligible and then spencer understood.

"oh...oh! come on, sit down, shh shh" he spoke softly as he guided you to the sofa to sit down, rubbing your aching back before he quickly fetched you a glass of water, bringing it to and crouching down in front of you as he urged it into your hands.

"just breathe, sweetie" he murmured, rubbing your knee soothingly as you took big gulps of water, taking a few good deep breaths when you were finished.

"that's it, just breathe" spencer encouraged, offering you a sympathetic smile as your breathing evened out eventually, guilt now filling your chest at the realisation of what you did.

"i-i'm so sorry i- i don't know-" you tried to explain, spencer just shushing you and shaking his head, "don't be sorry, it's not your fault, now, you still want that table moved?" he asked sweetly, making you giggle at what silly thing had started the whole argument as you nodded.

- baby reid:

"spence?" you said quietly as you knocked lightly on his office door, not getting a reply back so you peeked in to see him with his nose buried in a file, clearly not having heard you the first time you called his name again, this time louder, nothing.

"spencer." you said more sternly, not taking too kindly to being ignored and when he didn't reply a third time you snapped, turning on your heels and slamming the door so hard you were surprised the whole building didn't shake, which for sure had his attention now.

"i was listening" he said as he opened the door to see you throwing yourself down on the couch in anger, faced away from him to further show how mad you were.

"yeah well try actually acknowledging me." you seethed, not even looking in his direction as you spoke but you could practically feel his puppy eyes in the back of your head and it took all your will not to turn around.

"i-i was just...busy" he spoke quietly, trying to explain himself to a very emotional, very pregnant woman, which was almost impossible, there was no right answer.

"what a surprise." you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes even though he couldn't see you, your tone making his chest tighten with something he hadn't felt before, a dull pain in the back of his throat as he tried to hold back his tears and failed.

"i-i'm sorry" was all he could get out before he got completely choked up, tears streaming down his cheeks as his lip quivered uncontrollably.

the sound of his voice so hurt made you instantly realise your mistake, bringing your hand to your mouth as you turned to see him at the door of his office, fidgeting with his hands as he looked at the floor, his shoulders twitching as he let out silent sobs.

"spencer i'm- i- i didn't mean it" you stuttered as you stood from the couch and made quick strides to him, your heart breaking a little more as he looked up at you with his teary eyes and wet cheeks.

"y-you've never yelled at me before" he whimpered, looking away from you as more tears fell from his eyes and suddenly there were tears streaming down yours too as you pulled him into your arms.

"i'm so sorry, baby, i-i'm just really emotional right now, i'm sorry i took it out on you" you explained softly as you ran your hands up and down his back, his arms wrapping around your waist as he buried his face in your neck.

"wh-what did you want to ask me?" he finally said after a few moment of silence, making you remember that you went into his office for a reason, which you then realised was completely stupid and you had to tell him why you got so mad.

"uhm i was gonna ask...if you wanted to go get ice cream" you winced at having to admit it, spencer going silent for a moment before he started giggling into your neck, pulling away to shake his head at you as he continued laughing, "it's not funny!" you scolded, scowling at him.

"i know, i know! i'll get my jacket" he said, holding his hands up in surrender but still laughing to himself.

#📬 maeve's mailbox!#spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid fandom #dr spencer reid #mgg #spencer reid criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 11 months

Text

Dazai Osamu (self-aware)

Self-Aware! Dazai Osamu x GN! Reader

Warning: Yandere. Spoiler for Dazai's past. Spoilers for "Dazai and Chuuya, Fifteen", "STORM BRINGER", "Day I pick up Dazai", "Dazai Osamu and Dark Era". Mentions of torture. Misunderstanding (Dazai thinks, that Reader enjoys their suffering and that's why read BSD manga). OOC. English is my second language.

Becoming self-aware

🪢🦀 Dazai Osamu gained self-awareness, when he was visiting Oda's grave.

🪢🦀 For others, first moments of been self-aware were full of fear, confusion, anger.

🪢🦀 For Dazai Osamu they were full of thinking.

🪢🦀 While others try to ignore the revelation, Dazai dived into it.

🪢🦀 Dazai tries to remember everything, he could.

🪢🦀 His childhood, days with Mafia, two years of hiding. Two years of working in ADA.

🪢🦀 Childhood - nothing. Like he appeared in the thin air in Mori's clinic.

🪢🦀 Days with Mafia - Previous Port Mafia Boss death, Arahabaki Incident, The King of Assassins Incident, His First meeting with Oda, Dragon's Head Conflict, Mimic's arrival to Yokohama and Oda's death.

🪢🦀 Two years of hiding - nothing.

🪢🦀 Two years of working with ADA - Azure Apostle case and everything after he met with Atsushi.

🪢🦀 Dazai feel emptier than usual. Can he be seen as human, if his memories are limited to certain events?

🪢🦀 Dazai feel anger. So much anger. He was created as a person, who is tired of this life, who seek death just for someone's entertainment? Was Oda killed, just for someone's entertainment?

🪢🦀 Why someone created him to be a lonely person? For what purpose?

🪢🦀 When Dazai arrived at the Agency, he saw his colleagues. Lost, confused. With little flame of hope in their hearts. They hope, that it's just someone's ability. That they are real. Dazai's appearance was the thing, that destroyed this hope.

🪢🦀 He could try to pretend. Lie to them, that they are right. That it's all just an ability.

🪢🦀 But he can't.

🪢🦀 Because abilities don't work on him. Because he told them himself. And not because he l try to hurt them. Not because he lashed out on them. It wasn't a misdirect anger.

🪢🦀 Because, in this situation, hope that was born out of a lie, won't do them any good.

"It's not an ability. Yokohama wasn't broken. We are broken. We are fictional characters, who gained self-awareness. Try to remember your lives. Parents, friends outside ADA, what you did yesterday. Give it a try"

🪢🦀 Anger. Confusion. Fear. It was cruel from Dazai. But, again, lie won't do them good.

🪢🦀 At least now, they would try to deal with this situation accordingly.

🪢🦀 They moved dorms to the same building as the office.

🪢🦀 They tried to find a solution.

🪢🦀 Dazai was patrolling the city from time to time. That's when he met Chuuya and Hirotsu. They were searching for answers. Just like ADA. All, who is left from Port Mafia were searching for answers.

🪢🦀 They couldn't find any.

🪢🦀 Dazai's anger didn't lessen. He still was angry at people, to whom his existence was amusing. To whom Oda's death was entertaining.

🪢🦀 And then, one day, he felt an entity's gaze on him.

____________

Dazai Osamu has a feeling, that this entity ether were the one, who created them, or the one, for whom they were created.

If so many of them had a terrible past, does it mean it amuses The Entity?

Few days later, Atsushi came to him.

"Dazai-san... Do you feel it? Like... someone is staring at us?" Atsushi was nervous. He was looking around, trying to see the strange entity.

Dazai's voice was emotionless.

"Yes, Atsushi-kun. I feel it"

All of them feel it. When Dazai ran into Chuuya and Hirotsu again, they also confirm, that they feel its gaze. It was safe to assume, that other organizations also feel its gaze.

Something from out of there. Something from a different world.

They have no means to get to it.

He has no means to catch it. To make it talk. To make it sorry, for liking suffering.

Dazai Osamu may not be a part of Mafia anymore, but he still remembers, how to torture people.

It will be destroyed. Dazai will make sure of it.

ADA noticed, that he was ready to destroy. Doesn't matter. He will do it to avenge them, to avenge himself, to avenge Oda.

But one day, time reset.

And he, once again, was a fifteen-year-old boy, who was sent by Mori to investigate the sudden appearance of the previous Port Mafia Boss.

_____________

When they start feeling your presence

🪢🦀 Do the Entity try to get a rise out of him?

🪢🦀 Do the Entity wanted to enjoy their suffering once again?

🪢🦀 Dazai's gaze wasn't the friendliest. It also seems, that Mori also understand, that the time has reset. Ougai himself looked uncomfortable. Dazai doesn't care, if it was because of Dazai's glare or because of time reset. Dazai snatched the silver oracle from the Mori's hands and wanted to storm out of his office.

🪢🦀 The Entity. This cursed gaze in the sky. The gaze, that he wasn't feeling.

🪢🦀 Dazai stopped and looked around. No more gaze in the sky. No more imposing entity. But, there was something more. It feels like, something was floating above them. Something close to a human. It was talking.

"young..." "scare..." "Mori..." "what..." "happened..."

🪢🦀 So, The Entity can talk. Their voice sounded quiet. Barely recognizable. And, still, so human. And it was reacting to his actions. Does it react to the words too? It seems, Mori had the same idea. Once again, he asked.

"Dazai-kun, I don't know if I can understand it, but tell me―why do you want to die?"

And, once again, Dazai asked in return

"Tell me this. Do you really think that there’s any value in the act of living?"

Some static. And words.

"why..." "child..." "in that age..."

🪢🦀 The Entity was confused. And, it seems, it was curious about him.

🪢🦀 In any case, Dazai can spend some time observing it.

🪢🦀 It's time to investigate Arahabaki Incident/Previous Port Mafia Boss appearance once again.

________________

🪢🦀 The Entity was watching. It was amused by his bickering with Chuuya. It was cheering, when he won the video game against Chuuya.

🪢🦀 And it was worried. It was worried about both of them, when they were fighting with Rando.

____________

"In the surface world, the world of light, death is generally kept hidden from everyday life because it's unpleasant. But in the mafia's world, it's different. Death is just an extension and a part of everyday life. And I think that's probably right. Because 'dying' isn't the opposite of 'living', it's nothing more than a feature incorporated into 'living'. Breathe, eat, fall in love, die. You have to observe death up close to understand the whole picture of living."

And Dazai heard the voice. Clearer, than earlier, but still, not entirely recognizable.

"Dazai [|||||||||||||||||||||] point. Still [|||||||||||||||||] dark. But, [|||] fine, if it works for him."

Dazai feels, like he was covered in something nice and soft. The Entity's emotions were strong. And sincere.

An acceptance. Not judging. Not trying to pry.

_____________

🪢🦀 The Entity... It was observing, but it didn't try to pry. It was okay, with simply looking.

🪢🦀 But most important thing - The Entity was sad. The Entity was sad, that Randou has died.

🪢🦀 Was he mistaken? It doesn't seem that The Entity liked suffering.

🪢🦀 And it didn't seem malicious.

🪢🦀 Okay, it's either doing a good job hiding its true intentions, or their first reaction, before time reset, were a little bit overboard.

🪢🦀 Dazai feel calmer, than before. Chuuya and Mori also don't seem as angry as they were before.

🪢🦀 Dazai still doesn't trust The Entity. But he was curious about it.

🪢🦀 The Entity... What was it? What kind of person they really are?

🪢🦀 Time reset once again.

🪢🦀 Dazai, once again, was a sixteen-year-old boy, who used his ability to save Chuuya.

____________

🪢🦀 This time, The Entity didn't stick. It seems, it was more interested in staying with Chuuya.

🪢🦀 Dazai feels The Entity again, when Verlaine came to his 'home' to take the documents. And when Port Mafia start an operation to kill Verlaine.

🪢🦀 Dazai was fine with it. Now he has more time to think.

🪢🦀 Dazai hoped, that The Entity will be scared by his "betrayal" of the mafia.

🪢🦀 That it will be scared of him.

🪢🦀 It wasn't. It didn't judge. It just accepts it.

🪢🦀 The King of Assassins Incident ended the same way. But one thing was different. Both Verlaine and Chuuya looked at peace. Dazai was sure, he heard, that Verlaine want to hear them again. And Chuuya was mumbling something about 'protecting them'.

🪢🦀 The Entity... He was ready to accept it. But, he needs to see something more. Just one more time.

🪢🦀 Time resets again.

🪢🦀 And Dazai woke up on the bed in Oda's house. Oda was standing there.

And a shapeless Light Blob was floating above them.

___________

🪢🦀 For the first few moments, Dazai didn't know what to say.

🪢🦀 Oda is alive. The Entity now is a Blob of Light.

🪢🦀 ... His memories. Dazai didn't want to think about it, but... What if the next time, The Entity will choose time when Mimic arrived at Yokohama?

🪢🦀 Does The Entity wanted to torture him and Oda?

🪢🦀 Dazai wanted to curse this creature, when Oda spoke, pointing at the Light Blob.

"Dazai, do you know, who are this? This Light Blob sounds adorable."

______________

The talk he has with Oda was long. Dazai told Oda about everything he knew about The Entity.

And about thinking, that The Entity was evil.

Oda's voice was calm.

"I don't think so, Dazai. We may be fictional characters. But, reading a book about a fictional character with a sad past doesn't mean, that The Reader enjoys suffering. Or, you don't think, that there's nothing interesting in us, except our suffering?"

Oda's shift his gaze to the Light Blob, that was floating above them. He tried to pet it, but his fingers go through it.

"You know, what I feel from them? Sadness. It feels like a mountain spring. They aren't bad. They just a human."

____________

🪢🦀 Just a human...

🪢🦀 Dazai stayed with Oda for a few more days.

🪢🦀 The Entity... Light Blob, spend most of the time with Oda. Blob was laying on Odasaku's head. Oda doesn't seem to mind its company.

🪢🦀 Oda spoke to Light Blob from time to time. It seems, that man enjoyed their one-sided conversations.

🪢🦀 Oda tried to encourage Dazai to spoke to the Entity, but Dazai, for now, refuses.

🪢🦀 He believes Oda and sees a point in his words. But, he prefers to stay on guard for now.

🪢🦀 Dazai heard The Reader's voice from time to time.

___________

"Pufferfish and amanita virosa [|||||||||||] heard before. Never [||||||||] about potato sprout. Another knowledge [||||||||||||||]"

"Heh. [||||||||||||||||] won again. Thought too much about your skills, Dazai?"

Dazai feels, like someone tickled him. The Entity tried to tease him.

Dazai deadpanned and looked away from the cards. He looked at the Light Blob, that was, once again, laying on Odasaku's head.

"Shush. At least I am a person, not a Light Blob. While you are in this form, no one will treat you seriously"

It takes Dazai a few moments, to realize, that he finally spoke to The Entity. Oda chuckled.

"Well, it's good enough for a first interaction."

__________

🪢🦀 Then came a run in with "48".

🪢🦀 When Dazai and Oda were trying to escape, the Light Blob were floating ahead. Lighting their way. Like a guiding light.

🪢🦀 The Entity was worried, when Dazai was poisoned.

🪢🦀 And when Dazai and Oda came to bar "Lupin" for the first time, the Light Blob was floating above them.

🪢🦀 Dazai thought, that it would be nice if The Entity can hear them and talk to them.

🪢🦀 It would be great to talk to them, to play poker with them, to talk to them.

🪢🦀 And time reset once again.

🪢🦀 Mimic came to Yokohama.

________________

🪢🦀 Ango's betrayal, Orphans' death, Mori's plan.

🪢🦀 And The Entity's sorrow. The Entity's sadness, that felt like a mountain spring.

🪢🦀 Oda wasn't mad at The Entity. Dazai also can't bring himself to be mat at them.

🪢🦀 And, once again, Oda died.

____________

Oda was dead. And the flood of emotions falls on Dazai.

The Entity was crying.

The Light Blob became bigger.

The figure made of light

That hugged him.

Then, Dazai heard their words.

"sorry" "poor kids, poor Oda, poor everyone" "if only I can"

"I am so sorry, Dazai... So sorry... Oda was a good person. And I believe, that you can be a good person too"

Dazai feels something wet on his shoulder.

[In reality, your tears drop on LN's pages.]

Dazai was stunned. They were so human... They are real. Not in this world, but they are real.

They treat him, and others, as humans.

Dazai try to look up at the figure of light. You were there. You were with him during his past. You did not to enjoy his suffering. But to be with him. To support him.

And now, you, just as Oda, were a sigh of a better future.

The emotions, the sympathy. He wished, he would be near you.

He will gather others. All of them will come to your world.

Dazai whispers: "Guiding Light... My Dear Guiding Light. Don't be afraid. With us by your side, you will never be in danger. You will always be happy."

To be with you. To someone so human and understanding.

Because near you, he feels that he is a real human being.

Few days after, time resets again.

And Dazai, once again, was floating down the river, right before Atsushi saved him.

__________

🪢🦀 When Dazai was sure, that all ADA liked you, he proposed to start searching for a way to your world.

🪢🦀 Dazai was the one, who proposed to create The Union.

🪢🦀 Dazai will make sure, that all people, who joins them, likes Their Dear Guiding Light. He won't let anyone lay a finger on them. He will train Atsushi and Akutagawa to be your bodyguards.

🪢🦀 The Union creation was a success. But they still haven't found a way to your world.

But then, one day, the purple moon shined above Yokohama.

_____________________

When you installed BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan

🪢🦀 All Dazai cards have passive talents, that will be activated when marble destroy one orb.

"Poor Dazai, have to lay on newspaper, until I raise Sofa's level enough"

"Tengu Dazai look so pretty!"

"Year of the Tiger animation is so cute!"

🪢🦀 Dazai likes, when you're using his cards.

🪢🦀 Dazai will rig the event scouts, so you will get his cards first.

🪢🦀 Rigged Chuuya's Birthday Scout, so you will get anyone, but Chuuya.

🪢🦀 It failed, because, Chuuya send you his cards in Gift Box.

🪢🦀 When you got Oda's SSR card from scout, and Oda appeared in the ADA office, well and alive (just a little dizzy), Dazai was ready to simply knock out the screen of your phone and hoped, that he will get into your world. At that moment, he wanted to embrace you and never let go.

🪢🦀 When BSD characters gain access to the rest of your phone, Dazai will often browse the Internet with you.

🪢🦀 Doesn't matter, what you are looking at, he just keeps you company.

🪢🦀 Won't let you leave likes under dog's photos and videos.

🪢🦀 He is waiting for the day, when they came to your world.

🪢🦀 He will make sure, that your life will be happy.

__________

You noticed another notification from The Gift Box.

Another note with new SSR card. Of Dazai and Oda playing poker. There was a strange light blob floating above them.

"[Y/N], dear, thank you for bringing Oda back. Thank you for been near. Lets one day spend time together. You. Me. And Oda. We are waiting for that day. Please, wait for us. Dazai Osamu"

You smile and open the new card. You pet Dazai's sprite.

"I will wait, Dazai. Will be happy to spend time with you and Oda."

You didn't notice, that Dazai's sprite looked at you. And that his mouth was moving. And, of course, you couldn't hear his words.

"It's a promise, Dear Guiding Light."

#bungou stray dogs au #self-awareau #self-awarebsd #bsd #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungou stray dogs #gender neutral reader #bsd anime #yandere #Self-Aware Dazai Osamu #dazai osamu x reader

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hoonvrs · 9 days

Text

REWIND — p. sunghoon

PAIRING sunghoon x gnr

DESC. break ups were never easy, especially with your first love. after some time, moving on became easier.

GENRE angst, is this considered hurt no comfort??

WARNING break up, moving on

W. COUNT 0.6k

S. NOTES i love angst so much

FOR. 1/2 jangkku ( @okwonyo ) celestial ballet event!

— rewind by twice

i don't want to know how you're doing.

it's so strange how someone i used to care so much about became a stranger to me so suddenly. the days i spent worrying if you had eaten, if you had gotten enough rest, if you were taking care of yourself in between your training.

now, i'm not curious about you.

as irresistible as it was back then to search your name, and catch up to what you're up to, now i don't care enough to even think about you anymore.

i couldn't help but hate you back then. you took away me who was so beautiful, the one who used to love with her whole heart. the one whose heart couldn’t tell the difference between love and you.

loving you felt so easy that even the thought of losing you back then would feel as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and thrown against the wall like it meant nothing.

so why was our breakup so easy for you?

after everything i did for you, why did it seem so simple to leave me behind like that? the one who went to all of your skating events and even your training? the one who supported your decision to become an idol long before anyone did. did my sleepless nights reassuring you amount to something that meant nothing to you?

did the times id leave anything and anyone behind just for you amount to nothing in the end?

our relationship wasn't as beautiful as the movies, but it was perfect to me. it might've been the ordinary love that every couple experienced but it was different because it was ours.

did i not even deserve the truth that you were joining some survival show to debut, after telling me every little secret about yourself was achieving your dream so precious you couldn't even think to share it with me?

back then i'd tell myself that it was your agency that caused our separation, but then i remember how empty your eyes looked when you told me it was over. no explanation, only to see your face plastered on a tv screen a week later.

i hoped you were maybe going through what i was going through. barely eating as the taste of my tears on my tongue seemed to fill my appetite, the salty taste becoming so familiar i almost forgot what it tasted like without it.

but you seemed so happy. laughing with all the others, singing and dancing without a care in the world as if i never existed. like you beginning was in the building and not with me.

funnily enough, i do thank you in some way. your indifference snapped me out of my love haze and turned my sadness into anger.

why did you get to be happy? what about my dreams?

so i found friends that loved me, i even started seeing someone briefly.

got into my dream university, studying what i love.

and i partially thank you for it.

i'll continue to create new memories and experience things i deprived myself of in the name of loving you until you completely fade away.

keep you in the past and make sure you never touch my present.

prove to the younger me who was so full of love that my world didn't revolve around you, that my life continued and will continue without you. that i know a love that isn’t tainted with your name. that one day if the information that you were struggling found me, i'd be able to sleep comfortably knowing you are not mine to worry about anymore.

park sunghoon. even if i could rewind time and try to make you love me longer, the much more beautiful me now has no interest in you anymore.

you may have had my love once before, but you will never get it again.

you will never take away my beauty ever again.

perm taglist @mesopret @whoschr @haknom @shinsou-rii @redm4ri @lacimolela @llama-lyna @boyfhees @lazysmushi @flwoie @kocokookie @kyexvly @seongclb @dammit-jjk @flwrshee @produmads @teddywonss @aleiouvre @dneltrise @aleiouvre @nyxvrse @yohanabanana @whois-alexis @tinyegg @sserafimez @satsuri3su @yuemvi @chirokookie @idk-tbh777 @s00buwu @ynsvnte @isawritesss @sleepyxxhead @ramenoil @jaeyunluvr @wifeherupnow @2jisungs

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