#vent kinda a little i guess

[the-foolish-fool-who-gets-fooled]

Okay so I've got a fucking bone to pick with gf asmr creators. In alot of audios there's this "convincing stage" where the listener is doing something and the speaker iss trying to get them to come to bed and cuddle or what have you. But it's like, i literally I picked out this audio because I desperately went to be cuddled, so you are a godamn lunatic if you think I'd resist for even a second. And also, if I am listening to your audio I AM ALREADY IN FUCKING BED. I AM LITERALLY ALREADY HUGGING A PILLOW I DONT NEED FUCKING CONVINCING. I'm sorry It just infuriates me beyond belief. This isn't like other media, I don't need conflict. I need to slip into a nice little soft fantasy where there is a person who i love and has chosen to love me. That does not require a part where I am whined to about how I should stop doing the thing that I am not doing. It's a dumb part that can ruin some otherwise perfectly fine audios. Anyways other than that thank you to asmr creators you are my torch in the dungeons of loneliness I love all of you.

#asmr community #vent kinda a little i guess #girlfriend asmr

[puppyeared]

mascot

#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe #i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor #but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes #like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this' #it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk #i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time #it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume #i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing #and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me #its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others #plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib #i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity #my art #myart #my oc #sona #mascot #furry #??? is this furry art???? #twinkle #puppysona #edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-

[grimalkinmessor]

Light's end has always bothered me for multiple reasons (the biggest of which is it not actually being his fault that he lost therefore robbing me of a greater poetic justice but you can't win 'em all), but I think one nobody really talks about is that,,,Light wasn't afraid to die.

Well—he WAS, at the beginning, but part of the reason I'm so obsessed with his relationship with Ryuk is because Ryuk's existence was a constant threat to Light's life. And yet Light never once seemed afraid of him, or tried to cozy up to him, or even attempted manipulate Ryuk into doing things for him. Sure, he bribed him sometimes into going along with his plans, but he was friends with Ryuk. Or—as close to friends as I assume a Light Yagami and a Shinigami can get.

But before Light meets Ryuk, he 100% believes that he's going to die. His frenzy those first few days can be attributed not to any moral righteousness, but to a desperate sort of resignation. Light thinks that he's sold his soul after killing those first two men, so instead of destroying the Death Note, he immediately sets out to make as big of an impact as possible. He wants to go out with a bang! He wants to be remembered! Light is afraid of death in those first days—but he also comes to terms with it somewhere between killing Otoharada and Ryuk showing up. He was ready to go with Ryuk quietly if he was there to take his life or his soul.

But then—he learns that he's not going to die.

The face of a boy excited and relieved.

Light learns that there are no consequences to using the Death Note.

THIS is when he starts getting cocky, when he starts to actually convince himself of all that moral stuff he spouts.

But he's still not afraid of death.

Oh he's afraid of being caught, for sure, and after L humiliated him on live television, he might've even been afraid of execution. Because he'd seen firsthand just how quickly L could turn the tables on him, how he could make Kira look foolish. And Light definitely does not want to be remembered as foolish.

I don't think Light was afraid of actually DYING though, because when Ryuk says "You know I could just kill you", Light laughs. Literally laughing in the face of death. Light KNOWS that Ryuk will eventually kill him, but as long as he goes down the way he wants—on HIS terms—it's fine. Ryuk claiming that he'd be the one to finally end Light might've even been a relief, considering how Light's mind works. A god can only be killed by another god, etc. etc. 'Killed By A Real-life Shinigami' sounds metal as FUCK. Top-tier way to die if you're as much of a gloryhound as Light.

And one thing that irks me is that—the five year gap kind of,,,,takes that, from Light. Light spends so long on top of the world with no real challenge that by the time that Near and Mello show up, he's far more arrogant than he was when he was up against L. Light is, once more, afraid of death. He's lost that tolerance he built up in those pivotal first few days, and he goes out, not in a blaze of glory like he wanted, but clawing and pleading to live like a dog.

Light lost his recklessness, his impatience, his acceptance of the inevitable because he believed that he could now change the inevitable—all somewhere in that five year time skip.

This makes him less likely to get caught, yes, but it also takes away that—that teenage dauntlessness that he had at the beginning. Pre-skip Light feared L and L alone. Only the idea of being caught by someone who could truly tear him down frightened him. Not even death compared.

And I suppose that Light's spiralling at the end is a sort of poetic justice in this case?? But it's not the one I wanted.

I wanted Light's recklessness to blow up in his face. I wanted his carefully curated plans ruined by his own impatient hand. I wanted him to go down much as he probably first intended—in a blaze of glory. I wanted his fall to be explosive and terrifying to the audience. A moral of the story that shoots you right in the chest and really makes you think.

Instead he was reduced to just,,,,another criminal, begging for his life.

Which, yes, I suppose, is also a message in and of itself (all evil figures throughout history have only ever been human, have only ever been men that bleed red at the end of the day, and nothing they've ever done or said will change that), but I also find that....exceedingly boring.

#death note #grim rants #yagami light #light yagami #death note meta #i guess...? #im just venting my frustrations with the ending #again #i know the five year skip was supposed to show us how fast kira consumed the world and how quickly corruption spreads #but also yOU COULDVE BROUGHT NEAR AND MELLO IN WAY EARLIER #WHEN LIGHT WAS STILL THE DUMBASS THAT BUILDS FLASHBOMBS IN HIS DESKS #it wouldve so much funnier plzzzz #and more interesting in my opinion #23 yo light was kinda more of a bitch not gonna lie #like wheres the man that orchestrated a bus jacking to get one man's name?? #and then met that man in person again and made him kill his own comrades???? #WHERE'D MY ARROGANT/DESPERATE LITTLE HASTY BOY GO #he went from a zim to a mr burns and i disliked it greatly thank you

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[kinos-fortress-2]

idk comfort characters moment ig

#i should REALLY stop doodling around and start doing more serious art #anyways this is not shipp art btw i dont shipp them for me they are like brothers best friends even #demoman #miss pauling #tf2 #team fortress 2 #kino art #idk i just feel like drawing sad demo i think he got too much going on in that little head full of beer and depression... #and well he just needs a hug and venting for real and not making it much of a joke #IDK I WAS JUST LISTENING TO MITSKI AND LAMP AND BOOM sad doodle i guess #i think for demo is a bit hard to find a good time to vent and well his team kinda sucks for that #same goes w miss p this two are full of shit in their heads so why not listening w each other and crying idk #its been a time since i have draw demo... #those fucking hands... i hate often times drawing hands #idk why i made tf2 sad art i think is funny but who cares cringe is free look at me doing lovey dovey and sad art haha laugh at this guy

[devildom-moss]

February request goals update

I made a spreadsheet because I'm like that of all the requests I have from Halloween/early November I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry. So, I'm going try to get 7 more done this month (the ones in yellow, with the darker ones being the requests I'm working on this week). Yes, I picked ones with Simeon in them on purpose.

I put an upload schedule in the bio (Tuesdays 9pm, Saturdays 10pm PST). Let's see if I can actually stick to it. I'll try.

#moss update #ignore my shorthand for some of these #some of them are probably going to be really long so I'll try my best #but uh #I might have started this month off with a case of bigsad #(sorry. I get a little political and vent here:) #but y'know ya kinda feel sad and angry when your country is one of the biggest funders of genocide #despite all the evidence and constant pleas and protests for it to stop. #you get really mad that they continue to show no concern for human lives even when confronted by unimaginable cruelty #like you knew they didn't care generally speaking but I guess I hoped they'd do better for once?

[ohnoitsdevoo]

i love to draw ocs during school while having a shit ass day. makes me feel good. but???? im still having a shit ass day and i still feel bad????? jot like. "oh i did something now i feel bad" like "oh i feel terrible physically and mentally and im scared whats gonna happen next"

venting in tags a little bit kind of ihhuuh

#kinda vent #oscar vents?????? #oscar draws something #oscar says shit #i sure just did that! #woo! #school is RUUIIINNGGIJNG me #ive had more bad days at school than usual #like its happening daily now #and im overthinking too much #aandd idk hwat to do #i have not seen my therapist in over a month and i dont wanna get a new one and i wanna cry and everythign is going BASdddlyyyy #BUT DRAWING helps #i kinda feel a little bettwr i guess #but uhhhh #yeaaahhhh im having a shit ass day. #my house isnt my comfort place #i dont HAVR a comfort place dude #i am too scared to go home bc i feel like my moms gonna yell at me and stuff and im gonna end up crying and im SO ANXIOUS #i dont like venting really #because i feel like it will trigger and scare peop.le #so i dont vent to people often when i need to #yk? #venting makes me feel guilty #but it makes me feel something else #i dont know what elsee #but i hope i didnt like. #scare any of u #or trigger anybody #im done venting BYE!

[gillianthecat]

The non-gendered urge to sit out in the sun to do my homework vs. the modern reality that I can’t see my screen in the sunshine.

#🌞vs💻 #goal: 🏖️👩🏻‍💻 #gillianthecat goes back to school #i’ve been a terrible mood today for no obvious reason. possibly hormonal? may vent about it later. #or post the long incoherent rant i wrote this morning about how scoy handled skyjao. it’s kinda mean. but i’ #m in ​the mood to be mean and that seemed like the least harmful way to do it #then again i could just keep it in the drafts forever #i did the dishes which maybe helped a little #though my garbage disposal stopped working and now the kitchen sink is draining slow :-( I don’t even put big food scraps in their but #inevitably little ones escape #and i thing need to bite the bullet and call building maintenance because I do not know how to fix it myself. ugh. I hate it when I’m #actually being good - being a responsible adult by cleaning - and then outside forces conspire to stop me #no fair #i guess i’m doing my venting here in the tags. probably for the best. #I will eat the ramen I just overcooked then take my hw and tea outside next to my pretty new flowers and hopefully that will improve my mood #maybe post another clip of zimbardo being sus later. always fun to laugh at psychologists with questionable ethics. #this is basically a diary entry #not the post but the tags #rant #venting

[navysealt4t]

thinking about the sixth grader in my drama class who made the playbill and had non-binary beans on their backpack. thinking about the trans boy in my language arts class who openly talked about binding. thinking about the trans boy who was the first person irl to ask for my pronouns. thinking about my cousin who always tells me when he figures out another part to his identity. thinking.

and. that guy in the donut shop who had the same hair as me and i complimented it and he smiled at me. the adult in the shoe store with a she/they pin. the adult the was selling pronoun pins at my book fair and had so many queer books for sale. my art teacher who always chatted about her wife.

#god. #i can be the older queer kid i needed #little me had no one #no one to ask for advice or have as a role model no one to hug me and tell me im not strange #i can be that person #and i can find people who can be that person for me #o(-( #im gonna cry . genuinely #i can be the person i needed when i was crying myself to sleep because i felt so wrong #👍 god im so normal right nkw #vent #i guess #a happy vent #kinda???

[the-foolish-fool-who-gets-fooled]

God and an Angel looking down at me:

Angel ".....so did Lucy do anything to him or like???"

God "nah we just made him like this it was mad funny lol"

#wtf do i even tag this #vent kinda a little i guess #god is a prickly little bastard who gets a kick out of fucking with me

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[floral-hex]

I had to skip therapy this week and I’m handling it really well. I’m definitely not filled with a sadness and rage that threatens to consume me whole.

#and I ate some hushpuppies #don’t worry. I’ve got therapy again in uhhhh January #I feel so stupid and selfish complaining about it but I really kinda needed that little 1 hour outlet to vent to someone I trust #but uh…. god it sounds so stupid and trite to say ‘hey I’ve been thinking a lot about killing myself lately’ but uh ‘hey…’ #and I don’t want to complain about specifics on here because that’s annoying for people #my birthday is Sunday and my mom is still in the hospital not doing well and I’m just… done with everything #I’m ready to be done #but I’m too full of worry about my family after I’m gone. #and I frustratingly always hold on to things long after they’ve gone rotten. my life included. #maybe if I hold on things will improve. probably. but that’s a future issue and I’m here living now #to me. for me. it feels disingenuous to post online about being self destructive. #so I guess… I’m just upset 🤷🏻‍♂️ but when am I not? #it was a long. frustrating. terrible day. #it’s whatever #you can ignore this #text

[takeaguessbuddy]

why do so many people think animation is made specifically for little kids and why am i not allowed to talk about it :(

#like seriously it makes no sense #adults are the ones making animated stuff #why is it assumed animated movies are made with only kids in mind #kids watch fucking skibidi toilet and content farms on youtube for christs sake they’ll watch anything #if that were the case there would be no good animated movies or shows because little kids will watch anything that’s funny or colorful #there would be no animation without animators shut the fuck up and use your brain #buddy’s buzzing #vent #kinda #i’m mad because my mom who is not an animation obsessed creature like me said wish was allowed to be subpar bc it’s for kids supposedly #and then when i tried to talk she made me shut up because i was getting too excited and was stimming with my hands and she doesn’t like tha #i don’t even stim that much because i’ve been masking it all my fucking life #and you’re getting annoyed that i‘m shaking my hands because i’m excited #i just won’t talk to anyone about it ever again sorry to inconvenience you #add that to the list of reasons why i have an anxiety disorder #it’s bad to express any emotion ever #sorry i was under the impression that i could be myself around you but nope guess not

[selfshipping-haven]

Istg if i ever do go through with my youtube channel idea I'm going to make an actual positive video about self shipping, don't even test me. All the representation on youtube just seems to be featuring the bad eggs. Saw a guy being weirded out by shipping with bandit from bluey. You know, the fun loving dad with the nice voice. All while he had a bluey dog avatar. Oh but grown men having a crush on velma is totally okay. Sometimes I wonder if most of the gawking is centered mainly around women. Like we get it some people are bizarre but can you show me the good examples please so people don't think we're creeps???

#vent #sorry guys this is a little unfiltered #idk if i'm gonna tag this one cause i'm kinda done with arguing #this might also rub me the wrong way as i almost got a crush on bandit laksjlfkdf #at least the sephirothsslave video was sympathetic #reblog this if you like i guess

[pulchrasilva]

Having people you care about who are suicidal while you're not suicidal is truly a special torture I think I want to go back to wanting to kill myself im gonna throw up

#vent post #it's just. knowing theres no quick fix or surefire solution because there never was for /you/ #it feels a little hopeless yknow? like what can i do really? how can i singlehandedly restore your faith in the world? #how can i stop your body from causing you constant pain? #i literally cant. and im not good at handling the fact that i cant do much #doesnt help that last time a friend tried to kill themself i sorta didnt see or didnt take note of the warning signs #now someone is letting me see all the warning signs it's setting off the 'THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN LAST TIME ALARMS' and idk if thats true #but its really putting me on edge about it #for forever i was used to knowing people who want to kill themselves but dont ever take action to do it #which is miserable and terrible but it's not particularly scary #PLUS doesnt help that by coincidence i was remembering other horrible miserable things that happened after my friend tried to kill themself #and my brain loves to imagine what mjght happen if they /do/ try to kill themself. what I'll do when i find out. whay ill do if they succeed #i dont really want to think about it but we're thinking about it i guess #hey isnt it kinda funny that my parents /still/ dont know my friend tried to kill themself that night #and i got yelled at for being antisocial while i was sobbing and sick with grief and unable to get out of bed #oh im gonna throw up. anyway #dont mind me im mostly ok #feeling a little sick but i can manage

[somelazyassartist]

#dealing with a lot of feelings right now. just all of them i guess #I've had some good stuff too but it's mostly been idk. jealousy. grief. anger. homesickness. a lot of stuff for a lot of reasons #it's been weighing on me for a while but it just all kinda snapped last night #I'm feeling a little better after getting some of that anger out and venting it through Vikki but it's still there #but it'll get better now that it's not completely pent up i guess #just been having kinda a rough one for a bit. but I'll be fine #it's not meant to be. #three eyed cats in my living room #vicoros #vicoros nightbreeze #vent