#wedding of river song time of the doctor twice upon a time girl in the fireplace etc.

[khruschevshoe]

Being a true galaxy-brained Doctor Who fan is hitting the epiphany that every showrunner had their strengths and their weaknesses and their own interpretations of the Doctor and you can like or dislike any aspect of any showrunner and acknowledge their genuine mistakes/bad choices/yikes decisions (such as racism, sexism, homophobia, questionable undertones, lack of agency for female characters, etc.) and it is COMPLETELY VALID to have that turn you off of a Doctor/showrunner but also acknowledge that some of the things that people have considered bad writing over the years are often personal preference (valid opinion, not always valid fact) and that just as there are clunkers in every season, there's something to appreciate about every showrunner and every Doctor.

After all, "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."

#listen i am in my doctor who renaissance and i love every doctor in their own ways and dislike/like every writer for at least one thing #not a fan of how steven moffat stripped amy & river of agency but loved the fairytale vibes & heaven sent & a Christmas Carol and Bill #adored the character writing for nine and ten and their companions but you cannot ignore a lot of the antiblack writing for RTD #love the stripped back/intimate storytelling of Season 11 & the Graham&Ryan arc & the writing of 13 as a character but Thasmin is underdone #& boy is that Nazi moment with the Master all kinds of screwed up #every actor to play a companion or a doctor is amazing #I'm a big fan of some of the “worst” episodes #love & monsters end of the world tsuranga conundrum resolution curse of the black spot my beloved #and really don't like some of the more popular episodes #wedding of river song time of the doctor twice upon a time girl in the fireplace etc. #but it's all personal preference #every doctor has some of the best episodes television has ever produced #it takes you away midnight heaven sent last of the time lords 3 parter boom town parting of the ways god complex vincent & the doctor #this is a show designed to be amazing and terrible and campy and episodic and constantly renewing itself and constantly trying new things #and I LIKE THAT #I LOVE THAT #ninth doctor #tenth doctor #eleventh doctor #twelfth doctor #thirteenth doctor #russell t davies #steven moffat #chris chibnall #meta

[nipuni]

Happy finishing Dr Who!

I saw you've been watching other David Tennant things - have you seen his and Catherine Tate's version of much ado about nothing? Very good chaotic vibes and I highly reccomend. It's on the internet archive.

Do you have any favourite dr who eps?

Thank you so much!! 🥰 We have and we love it! So far from his filmography we have watched: Taking Over the Asylum, Blackpool, Casanova, Einstein and Eddington, Hamlet, Much Ado About Nothing, Richard II, Decoy Bride, The Escape Artist, Broadchurch, Mad to be Normal, Around the World in 80 Days, Inside Man, Good Omens and Doctor Who of course 😊

As for favourite DW episodes ooohhh there are so so many, let me pull up a list so I can go in season order 😆

S1: Father's day, The empty child/The doctor dances, Bad wolf/The parting of the ways

S2: The Christmas Invasion, New Earth, The Girl in the Fireplace, The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit, Army of Ghosts/Doomsday

S3: Gridlock, 42, Human Nature/The Family of Blood, Blink, Utopia/The Sound of Drums/The Last of the Time Lords

S4: Voyage of the Damned, Fires of Pompeii, The Doctor's Daughter, Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead, Midnight, Turn left

Specials 2008: The Next Doctor, The Waters of Mars, The End of Time I and II

S5: The Beast Below, Vincent and the Doctor, The Lodger, The Big Bang

S6: A Christmas Carol, The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon, The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People, The Girl Who Waited, The Wedding of River Song

S7: The Rings of Akhaten, Hide, The Name of the Doctor, The Day of the Doctor

S8: Deep Breath, Listen, Mummy on the Orient Express

S9: Last Christmas, Under the Lake, The Zygon Inversion, Heaven Sent, The Husbands of River Song

S10: The Pilot, Oxygen, The Pyramid at the End of the World, World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls, Twice Upon a Time

S11: It Takes You Away

S12: Spyfall part I, Fugitive of the Judoon, The Haunting of Villa Diodati

S13: The Halloween Apocalypse, Eve of the Daleks, The Power of the Doctor

Specials 2023: Wild Blue Yonder

and if I had to pick my most favourites I think they would beeee The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, Doomsday, The Family of Blood, Blink, Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead, Midnight, The waters of Mars, The End of time I and II, The day of the Doctor, Heaven Sent, The doctor falls and Wild Blue Yonder 🥰

This ended up being so long I'm so sorry 😭 AHH we are already rewatching and loving it even more the second time so this list will just get longer over time lmao

Thank you for the message!! I had so much fun answering this 😊❤️

#doctor who #david tennant #nips replies #dw report

[doctorwhoisadhd]

okok so heres my current draft of my fucked up crazy modern who/spinoffs viewing order

(under a readmore bc its long)

partners in crime

fires of pompeii

the empty child/the doctor dances

the end of the world

aliens of london/world war three

boom town

captain jack harkness

bad wolf/parting of the ways

new earth

fragments

gridlock

utopia/the sound of drums/last of the time lords

kiss kiss bang bang

the curse of clyde langer

children of earth: day one

children of earth: day two

children of earth: day three

children of earth: day four

children of earth: day five

deep breath

into the dalek

robot of sherwood

listen

time heist

the caretaker

kill the moon

mummy on the orient express

flatline

in the forest of the night

dark water

death in heaven

last christmas

the magician’s apprentice

the witch’s familiar

under the lake

before the flood

the girl who died

the woman who lived

exit wounds

the day of the doctor

the zygon invasion/the zygon inversion

sleep no more

whatever happened to sarah jane?

turn left

fathers day

the temptation of sarah jane smith

face the raven

heaven sent

the stolen earth/journeys end

hell bent

the wedding of sarah jane smith

the husbands of river song

the waters of mars

the end of time part one/part two

the return of doctor mysterio

the eleventh hour

the pilot

smile

thin ice

meat

the beast below

knock knock

oxygen

extremis

the pyramid at the end of the world

the lie of the land

empress of mars

the eaters of light

world enough and time

the doctor falls

twice upon a time

#disclaimer this is not even close to finished #yes i put fragments and exit wounds nearly 30 episodes apart. lmfao. #my plans from here: #keep tje doctor falls relatively close to haunting of villa diodati/ascension of the cybermen/possibly also timeless children #keep power of the doctor/star beast/wild blue yonder/the giggle consecutive and make sure they go AFTER flux #make sure resolution and revolution of the daleks are together and that theyre by a jack episode that makes sense #ari opinion hour #some bonff #doctor who #torchwood #the sarah jane adventures

[bakamoonyasf]

My God Tier fave doctor who episodes

TOP 5:

Heaven Sent & Hell Bent (S9E11-12)

The Power of the Doctor (S13E9)

The Day of the Doctor (S7E15)

Doomsday (S2E13)

The Parting of Ways (S1E13)

NINE:

The Parting of Ways (S1E13)

Bad Wolf (S1E12)

The Empty Child & The Doctor Dances (S1E9-10)

Dalek (S1E6)

TEN:

Doomsday (S2E13)

Human Nature & Family of Blood (S3E8-9)

Turn Left (S4E11)

The Sound of Drums & Last of the Time Lords (S3E12-13)

Silence in the Library & Forest of the Dead (S4E8-9)

The Stolen Earth & Journeys End (S4E12-13)

Blink (S3E10)

The Waters of Mars (S4E14)

The End of Time (S4E17-18)

Midnight (S4E10)

New Earth (S2E1)

The Idiots Lantern (S2E7)

Partners in Crime (S4E1)

School Reunion (S2E3)

The Doctors Daughter (S4E6)

Daleks in Manhattan (S3E4)

ELEVEN

The Day of the Doctor (S7E15)

The Time of the Doctor (S7E16)

Vincent and the Doctor (S5E10)

The Name of the Doctor (S7E14)

The Wedding of River Song (S6E13)

The Time of Angels & Flesh and Stone (S5E4-5)

The Rings of Akhaten (S7E8)

Asylum of the Daleks (S7E1)

A Town Called Mercy (S7E3)

Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS (S7E11)

A Good Man Goes to War (S6E7)

Let's Kill Hitler (S6E8)

The Pandorica Opens & Big Bang (S5E12-13)

The Girl Who Waited (S6E10)

Amy's Choice (S5E7)

Nightmare in Silver (S7E13)

The Snowmen (S7E6)

The Doctors Wife (S6E4)

TWELVE:

Heaven Sent & Hell Bent (S9E11-12)

World Enough and Time & The Doctor Falls (S10E11-12)

The Zygon Invasion & The Zygon Inversion (S9E7-8)

Flatline (S8E9)

Dark Water & Death in Heaven (S8E11-12)

The Girl Who Died & The Woman Who Lived (S9E5)

Twice Upon a Time (S10E13)

The Lie of the Land (S10E8)

The Witch's Familiar (S9E2)

Time Heist (S8E5)

THIRTEEN:

The Power of the Doctor (S13E9)

Ascension of the Cyberman & The Timeless Children (S12E9-10)

Demons of the Punjab (S11E6)

Revolution of the Daleks (S12E11)

Skyfall, Part 1 & Spyfall, Part 2 (S12E1-2)

Rosa (S11E3)

Kerblam! (S11E7)

Chapter Four: Village of the Angels (S13E4)

The Haunting of Villa Diodati (S12E8)

Praxeus (S12E6)

Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror (S12E4)

Fugitive of the Judoon (S12E5)

#doctor who #the doctor #nuwho #twelfth doctor #eleventh doctor #rose tyler #thirteenth doctor #tenth doctor #ninth doctor

[taiey]

Moffat-era stories ranked in order of my preference

from https://metebelis2.com/revealer

The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang

The Girl Who Waited

The Doctor’s Wife

The Impossible Astronaut / Day of the Moon

The Name of the Doctor

The Husbands of River Song

The Wedding of River Song

Vincent and the Doctor

The Pilot

Let’s Kill Hitler

The Night of the Doctor

World Enough and Time / The Doctor Falls

The Angels Take Manhattan

Thin Ice

A Good Man Goes to War

Hell Bent

Face the Raven

The Eleventh Hour

Mummy on the Orient Express

Into the Dalek

The Time of Angels / Flesh and Stone

Flatline

The Beast Below

Asylum of the Daleks

Hide

A Christmas Carol

The Magician’s Apprentice / The Witch’s Familiar

The Bells of Saint John

Smile

The Crimson Horror

The Rings of Akhaten

Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

The Snowmen

The Girl Who Died

Cold War

The Vampires of Venice

Time Heist

Knock Knock

The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe

Heaven Sent

Listen

The Pyramid at the End of the World

Extremis

Deep Breath

Twice Upon a Time

Amy’s Choice

The Lodger

The Day of the Doctor

Oxygen

The Caretaker

The Power of Three

Robot of Sherwood

Victory of the Daleks

Dark Water / Death in Heaven

The God Complex

In the Forest of the Night

The Eaters of Light

Empress of Mars

Nightmare in Silver

The Time of the Doctor

The Curse of the Black Spot

The Zygon Invasion / The Zygon Inversion

Closing Time

Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

Sleep No More

Last Christmas

The Return of Doctor Mysterio

The Woman Who Lived

The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood

A Town Called Mercy

Night Terrors

Kill the Moon

The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People

Under the Lake / Before the Flood

The Lie of the Land

#doctor who #about me #steven moffat #whithouse hate

[pez-wolf]

Doctor Who Watch Time for Important Episodes

1.1 Rose (45min)

1.2 The End of the World (45 min)

1.4 Aliens of London (45min)

1.5 World War Three (45min)

1.6 Dalek (45 min)

1.7 The Long Game (45 min)

1.8 Fathers Day (45 min)

1.9 The Empty Child (45 min)

1.10 The Doctor Dances (45 min)

1.11 BoomTown (45 min)

1.12 Badwolf (45 min)

1.13 Parting of Ways (45 min)

2.0 The Christmas Invasion (60 min)

2.1 New Earth (45 min)

2.2 Tooth and Claw (45 min)

2.4 Girl in the Fireplace (45 min)

2.5 Rise of the Cyberman (45 min)

2.6 The Age of Steel (45 min)

2.12 Army of Ghosts (45 min)

2.13 Doomsday (45 min)

3.0 The Runaway Bride (60 min)

3.1 Smith and Jones (45 min)

3.3 Gridlock (45 min)

3.4 Daleks in Manhattan (45 min)

3.5 Evolution of the Daleks (45 min)

3.8 Human Nature (45 min)

3.9 The Family of the Blood (45 min)

3.10 Blink (45 min)

3.11 Utopia (45 min)

3.12 The Sound of Drums (45 min)

3.13 Last of the Time Lords (50 min)

4.0 Voyage of Damned (71 min)

4.1 Partners in Crime (48 min)

4.2 The Fires of Pompeii (45 min)

4.3 Planet of the Ood (48 min)

4.4 The Sontaran Stratagem (45 min)

4.5 The Poison Sky (45 min)

4.8 Silence in the Library (43 min)

4.9 Forest of the Dead (45 min)

4.11 Turn Left (49 min)

4.12 The Stolen Earth (45 min)

4.13 Journeys End (63 min)

S.1 The Next Doctor (60 min)

S.3 The Waters of Mars (62 min)

S.4 The End of Time Part One (60 min)

S.5 The End of Time Part Two (75 min)

5.1 The Eleventh Hour (65 min)

5.2 The Beast Below (42 min)

5.3 The Victory of the Daleks (42 min)

5.4 The Time of Angels (42 min)

5.5 Flesh and Stone (43 min)

5.6 The Vampires of Venice (49 min)

5.8 The Hungry Earth (44 min)

5.9 Cold Blood (46 min)

5.10 Vincent and the Doctor (47 min)

5.11 The Lodger (43 min)

5.12 The Pandorica Opens (49 min)

5.13 The Big Bang (54 min)

6.0 A Christmas Carol (62 min)

6.1 The Impossible Astronaut (44 min)

6.2 Day of the Moon (47 min)

6.3 Curse of the Black Spot (46 min)

6.4 The Doctors Wife (47 min)

6.5 The Rebel Flesh (43 min)

6.6 The Almost People (46 min)

6.7 A Good Man Goes to War (49 min)

6.8 Let's Kill Hitler (49 min)

6.9 Night Terrors (43 min)

6.12 Closing Time (46 min)

6.13 The Wedding of River Song (46 min)

7.0A The Doctor, The Window, and Wardrobe (59 min)

7.1 Asylum of the Daleks (49 min)

7.4 The Power of Three (41 min)

7.5 Angles Take Manhattan (44 min)

7.0B The Snowmen (60 min)

7.6 The Bells of Saint John (45 min)

7.7 Rings of Akhaten (46 min)

7.10 Journey to the Center of the TARDIS (47 min)

7.11 The Crimson Horror (47 min)

7.12 Nightmare in Silver (47 min)

7.13 The Name of the Doctor (44 min)

S.6 The Day of the Doctor (77 min)

S.7 Time of the Doctor (61 min)

8.1 Deep Breath (76 min)

8.2 Into a Dalek (47 min)

8.4 Listen (47 min)

8.5 Time Heist (45 min)

8.6 The Caretaker (45 min)

8.9 Flatline (43 min)

8.11 Dark Water (47 min)

8.12 Death in Heaven (57 min)

9.0 Last Christmas (61 min)

9.1 The Magicians Apprentice (49 min)

9.2 The Witches Familiar (50 min)

9.5 The Girl Who Died (48 min)

9.6 The Woman Who Lived (45 min)

9.10 Face the Raven (46 min)

9.11 Heaven Sent (55 min)

9.12 Hell Bent (60 min)

S.8 The Husbands of River Song (56 min)

10.0 The Return of Doctor Mysterio (61 min)

10.1 The Pilot (49 min)

10.5 Oxygen (44 min)

10.6 Extremis (48 min)

10.7 The Pyramid at the End of the World (46 min)

10.8 Lie of the Land (44 min)

10.11 World Enough and Time (45 min)

10.12 The Doctor Falls (60 min)

S.9 Twice Upon a Time (60 min)

11.1 The Woman Who Fall to Earth (60 min)

11.2 The Ghost Monument (48 min)

11.10 The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos (50 min)

12.0 Resolution (60 min)

12.1 Spyfall Pt 1 (60 min)

12.2 Spyfall Pt 2 (61 min)

12.5 Fugitive of the Judoon (49 min)

12.8 The Haunting of Villa Diodati (49 min)

12.9 Ascension of the Cybermen (49 min)

12.10 The Timeless Children (66 min)

Total Watch Time:

10,199 minutes

169.983333 Hours

7.08263889 Days

#David Tennent #Matt Smith #Jodie Whittaker #Peter Capaldi #Christopher Eccleston #Freema Agyeman #Billie Piper #Karen Gillian #Arthur Darvill #Tosin Cole #Mandip Gill #Bradley Walsh #Pearl Mackie #Jenna Coleman #Cathrine Tate #Alex Kingston #Matt Lucas #John Borrowman #Drwho #Doctor Who

[might-be-a-zygon]

Doctor who seasons worst to best go.

Oh like a ranking thing? Okay, I guess mine may be controversial but sure. Gonna assume you mean NuWho because I’m only slowly working my way through classic who.

7: Honestly the reason I stopped watching the show. Almost no episodes I genuinely enjoyed here. I didn’t like the impossible girl plot much and there just seemed to be so much wasted potential.

2: I find Rose pretty irritating in most episodes and I wind up frustrated with how Mickey is treated. School Reuinion is the only episode from this era I really go back to.

1: Same reasoning as before. This one only really pulls ahead because none is funny and I like Captain Jack.

3: I guess I really don’t have much nostalgia for these early seasons because I didn’t watch the show properly at the time? I like Martha as a character but I wind up frustrated with how they treat her a lot of the time. Also I’ve just never been a big fan of the Simm!Master episodes (don’t sue me, they’re just not my thing).

11: This one literally only beats out 3 because I like Thirteen and I get excited about it being set near where I live. Again, a lot of missed opportunities. In fairness it’s the only one of these initial four I ever really go back to for a rewatch.

8: I do really enjoy season 8, and Capaldi is my favorite Doctor by a mile, plus this is the first Missy season which I love. Honestly I go back to this a lot, but it has a lot of episodes I’m meh about (like what was with that one with all the trees??)

5: First season I ever watched properly. Also River Song was my favorite character growing up and I always find these early episodes of hers a lot of fun. Honestly that’s what this season is for me- nostalgic fun.

12: I liked it. I know it’s contentious, but I really do like Thirteen and I think it had some really interesting concepts I hope they run with. Also Dhawan!Master is great here.

4: DONNA NOBLE. I actually can’t believe this is this low- I’m actually a total sucker for just nice platonic friendships with the Doctor, and this season definitely makes me laugh more than most. The finale has the best Dalek reveal ever, the reactions are perfect- also the big companion team up? YES.

9: Again, I love Capaldi. I like the morality dilemma in this season, especially with Ashildr, I think Clara’s death is beautifully handled- honestly I just love it. The magicians apprentice/the witches familiar are my favorite episodes of all time, Missy and Clara have a great dynamic- honestly I love this season so much.

6: This was my season growing up. I saw a good man goes to war so many times as a teenager I could write out River’s monologue from memory, and the same with her ‘you are loved’ speech in the wedding of River Song. I love the weird family dynamics, I love Vastra, Jenny and Strex, I love how Rory’s character develops. I love the Doctor’s wife as an episode, it’s great. Season six is stuck a ridiculous nostalgia trip for me, but I also wholeheartedly enjoy every episode here.

10: I still love Capaldi. I love Bill Potts so much, she’s wonderful. I love that she’s just a curious, optimistic human, it’s such a nice change from the ‘most special person in the universe’/mystery companions. I love the weird found family dynamic of Bill, her space grandad, her weird not-human ex conman uncle, and the evil Mary Poppins cosplayer they keep in the basement. Twice upon a time is my favorite special they’ve ever done. Capaldi also has the best regeneration hands down for me. Heartbreaking.

#doctor who #dw #answered ask #please don’t hate me

[fanfic-corner]

Okay- not technically to do with fanfiction - but this took me over an hour to do and it would be a waste if it just stayed in my notes.

I listed every (new) Doctor Who episode in chronological order of when it's set.

I absolutely do not suggest you watch it in this order (especially not for the first time!) but it is chaotic and I love it. And I know I've probably made a mistake somewhere, and some I've had to put in the order I think best, but here it is.

Key

9/Christopher Eccleston

10/David Tennant

11/Matt Smith

12/Peter Capaldi

13/Jodie Whittaker

FIRES OF POMPEII - 79 AD

THE PANDORICA OPENS - 102

THE EATERS OF LIGHT - 2nd century

THE GIRL WHO DIED - 9th century

ROBOT OF SHERWOOD - 1190

CAN YOU HEAR ME? - 1380

THE DAY OF THE DOCTOR - 1562

VAMPIRES OF VENICE - 1580

THE SHAKESPEARE CODE - 1599

THE WITCHFINDERS - early 17th century

THE WOMAN WHO LIVED - 1651

THE CURSE OF THE BLACK SPOT - 1699

THE GIRL IN THE FIREPLACE - 1727

THIN ICE - 1814

THE HAUNTING OF VILLA DIODATI - 1816

THE NEXT DOCTOR - 1851

THE UNQUIET DEAD - 1869

A TOWN CALLED MERCY - 1870

TOOTH AND CLAW - 1879

EMPRESS OF MARS - 1881

VINCENT AND THE DOCTOR - 1890

THE SNOWMEN - 1892

THE CRIMSON HORROR - 1893

DEEP BREATH - 1890S

NIKOLA TESLA'S NIGHT OF TERROR- 1900s

HUMAN NATURE - 1913 (Nov)

FAMILY OF BLOOD - 1913 (Nov)

TWICE UPON A TIME - 1914

THE UNICORN AND THE WASP - 1926

DALEKS IN MANHATTAN - 1930

EVOLUTION OF THE DALEKS - 1930

THE ANGELS TAKE MANHATTAN - 1938

LET'S KILL HITLER - 1938

THE DOCTOR, THE WIDOW AND THE WARDROBE - 1938 (Dec)

THE EMPTY CHILD - 1941

THE DOCTOR DANCES - 1941

VICTORY OF THE DALEKS - 1941

DEMONS OF THE PUNJAB - 1947

THE IDIOT'S LANTERN - 1953 (June)

ROSA - 1955

DAY OF THE MOON - 1969

HIDE - 1974

COLD WAR - 1983

FATHER'S DAY - 1987

THE BIG BANG - 1996

ROSE - 2005 (4th March)

ALIENS OF LONDON - 2006 (March)

WORLD WAR THREE - 2006 (March)

BOOM TOWN - 2006 (Sep)

THE CHRISTMAS INVASION - 2006 (Dec)

RISE OF THE CYBERMEN - 2007 (Feb)

THE AGE OF STEEL - 2007 (Feb)

SCHOOL REUNION - 2007

LOVE AND MONSTERS - 2007

ARMY OF GHOSTS - 2007

DOOMSDAY - 2007

BLINK - 2007

THE RUNAWAY BRIDE - 2007 (Dec)

VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED - 2007 (Dec)

SMITH AND JONES - 2008 (June)

THE LAZARUS EXPERIMENT - 2008 (June)

THE SOUND OF DRUMS - 2008

THE ELEVENTH HOUR - 2008

THE LAST OF THE TIME LORDS - 2009

PLANET OF THE DEAD - Easter 2009

PARTNERS IN CRIME - 2009

THE SONTARAN STRATEGEM - 2009

THE POISON SKY - 2009

TURN LEFT - 2009

THE STOLEN EARTH - 2009

JOURNEY'S END - 2009

THE END OF TIME PART ONE - 2009

THE END OF TIME PART TWO - 2010

THE LODGER - 2010

CLOSING TIME - 2011

THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT - 2011 (Apr)

THE WEDDING OF RIVER SONG -2011 (Apr)

NIGHT TERRORS - 2011

DALEK - 2012

FEAR HER - 2012

THE BELLS OF SAINT JOHN - 2013

THE CARETAKER - 2014 (Oct)

AMY'S CHOICE - 2015

THE TIME OF THE DOCTOR - 21st century

INTO THE DALEK - 2010s

LISTEN - 2010s

FLATLINE - 2010s

IN THE FOREST OF THE NIGHT - 2010s

DARK WATER - 2010s

DEATH IN HEAVEN - 2010s

THE MAGICIAN'S APPRENTICE - 2010s

THE WITCH'S FAMILIAR - 2010s

THE ZYGON INVASION - 21st century

THE ZYGON INVERSION - 21st century

FACE THE RAVEN - 21st century

THE RETURN OF DOCTOR MYSTERIO - 2010s

THE PILOT - 2017

KNOCK, KNOCK - 2017

EXTREMIS - 2017

THE PYRAMID AT THE END OF THE WORLD - 2017

THE LIE OF THE LAND - late 2010s

THE WOMAN WHO FELL TO EARTH - 2018

ARACHNIDS IN THE UK - 2018

IT TAKES YOU AWAY - 2018

RESOLUTION - 2019 (Jan)

THE HUNGRY EARTH - 2020

COLD BLOOD - 2020

SPYFALL PART ONE - 2020

SPYFALL PART TWO - 2020

FUGITIVE OF THE JUDOON - 2020

PRAXEUS - 2020

KILL THE MOON - 2049

THE WATERS OF MARS - 2059

UNDER THE LAKE - 2119

BEFORE THE FLOOD - 2119

THE REBEL FLESH - 22nd century

THE ALMOST PEOPLE - 22nd century

DINOSAURS ON A SPACESHIP - 2367

THE BEAST BELOW - 3290s

SLEEP NO MORE - 38th century

PLANET OF THE OOD - 4126

THE IMPOSSIBLE PLANET - 4221

THE SATAN PIT - 4221

42 - the 42nd century

A CHRISTMAS CAROL- 44th century

TIME OF ANGELS - 51st century

FLESH AND STONE - 51st century

SILENCE IN THE LIBRARY - 51st century

FOREST OF THE DEAD - 51st century

A GOOD MAN GOES TO WAR - 52nd century

THE HUSBANDS OF RIVER SONG - 5343

THE BATTLE OF RANSKOOR AV KOLOS - 5425

THE DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER - 6012 (July)

THE TSURANGA CONUNDRUM - 67th century

THE LONG GAME - 200,000

BAD WOLF - 200,100

THE PARTING OF WAYS - 200,100

THE END OF THE WORLD - 5 Billion

NEW EARTH - 5 BILLION & 23

GRIDLOCK - 5 BILLION & 53

UTOPIA - 100 trillion AD

With no date

MIDNIGHT

THE DOCTOR'S WIFE

THE GIRL WHO WAITED

THE GOD COMPLEX

ASYLUM OF THE DALEKS

THE POWER OF THREE

THE RINGS OF AKHATEN

JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE TARDIS

NIGHTMARE IN SILVER

THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR

TIME HEIST

MUMMY ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS

IN THE FOREST OF THE NIGHT

LAST CHRISTMAS

HEAVEN SENT

HELL BENT

SMILE (far future)

OXYGEN (far future)

WORLD ENOUGH AND TIME

THE DOCTOR FALLS

THE GHOST MONUMENT

KERBLAM!

ORPHAN 55

ASCENSION OF THE CYBERMEN

Big thanks to the Doctor Who wiki, I literally couldn't have done this without you.

#doctor who #chaos #idk what you'll do with this but here

[oc-character-development]

Doctor Who episodes (series 1-12) from my favourite to least favourite:

(A/N: this is just my opinion everyone is entitled to their own and I thought I’d share mine, if you disagree with me, then that’s completely okay 😊)

Day Of The Doctor (I LOVE THIS EPISODE TO BITS)

The Eleventh Hour (MY DOCTOR’s opening episode)

Vincent and The Doctor (Richard Curtis is a genius)

Human Nature/Family of Blood (can’t decide which one’s better)

Silence in the Library/Forest of The Dead (can’t decide which one’s better)

Smith and Jones (the first episode I watched, all the way back in 2007 so for that reason it’s in my top 10)

Midnight

Christmas Invasion

Heaven Sent

The Parting Of The Ways

The End of Time Part 2 (I don’t want to go 😭)

Waters of Mars

Voyage of The Damned

Utopia

The Doctor Falls

The Sound Of Drums

World Enough and Time

Pandorica Opens

Amy’s choice

Zygon Inversion

The Stolen Earth (DOCTOR WHO’S INFINITY WAR. They did crossovers before it was cool)

The Girl Who Waited

Fires Of Pompeii

Partners in Crime

Blink (best Doctor Lite episode and weeping Angel episode)

Runaway Bride

Shakespeare Code (My first historical episode of Doctor Who- and the episode that got me hooked properly on the show)

Girl in The Fireplace (I ship 10 and Renette more than 10 and Rose)

School Reunion

The Doctors Wife

Journey’s End

Empty Child/Doctor Dances

Dalek

Name Of The Doctor (The Yowzah scene makes me cry)

Angels Take Manhattan (Goodbye my favourite Tardis team 😭)

Big Bang

End of Time part 1

Time of The Doctor (don’t talk to me any time after I’ve watched that episode. It breaks me)

The Husbands of River Song (Durillium breaks me, do you know how hard it was to watch that episode and not cry at the end because my family would start asking questions?)

Zygon Invasion

Deep Breath

Thin Ice

The Pilot

Under The Lake

Flatline (oh so that’s what really happened to Jeff from Casualty- literally the actor left that show the week before and then turned up in Doctor Who the next episode 😂)

Face The Raven

Oxygen (Capitalism in Space!)

Into The Dalek

A Christmas Carol

Magicians Apprentice

Witch’s Familiar

Curse of The Black Spot

Day of The Moon

Sontaran Stratagem

Rose

Doomsday

Dark Water

Death In Heaven

Mummy on The Orient Express

Turn Left

Planet of The Ood

Bad Wolf

Unicorn and The Wasp

Impossible Astronaut

The Beast Below

The Next Doctor

Listen

The Caretaker

The Wedding Of River Song

Sontaran Stratagem

Army of Ghosts

Impossible Planet

Satan’s Pit

Poison Sky

Rise of The Cybermen/Age of Steel

Planet of The Dead

Tooth and Claw

The Crimson Horror

Fathers Day

Empress of Mars

Extremis

The Snowmen

Cold War

Journey To The Centre of The TARDIS

Evolution of The Daleks

Daleks In Manhattan

Asylum of The Daleks

Last of The Timelords

New Earth

Hell Bent

Sleep No More

Rings of Akahaten

Time of Angels

The End Of The World

A Good Man Goes To War

The Doctor’s Daughter

A Town Called Mercy

The God Complex

42 (scared me so much as a kid that I couldn’t watch the episode for 12 years, well done Chibnall for once)

The Pyramid at The End of The World

Nightmare in Silver

Eaters of Light

Lie of The Land

Vampires of Venice

Time Heist

Before The Flood

The Bells of St John

Night Terrors

Let’s Kill Hitler

Flesh and Stone

The Unquiet Dead

The Girl Who Died

The Girl Who Lived

Victory of The Daleks

The Long Game

The Woman Who Fell To Earth

Demons of The Punjab

Fugitive of The Judoon (the episode’s character return had my Uni’s Doctor Who society cheering like there was no tomorrow)

Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror

Rosa

Orphan 55

Resolution

Spyfall Part 2 (Dhawan is my favourite Master)

Spyfall Part 1

Can You Hear Me?

Haunting of Villa Diodati

Dinosaurs on A Space Ship

Cold Blood

Aliens of London/World War 3 (again can’t decide which one’s better)

Ghost Monument

Smile

In The Forest of The Night

Power of Three

Boom Town

The Hungry Earth

Hide

Arachnids In The UK (ranked so low because of the Spiders that episode doesn’t sit well with an arachnophobe)

The Doctor, The Widow And The Wardrobe

Praxeus

Knock Knock

Last Christmas

The Witchfinders

It Takes You Away (again purely because of the carnivorous moths- I have a phobia of moths. Also the talking frog was ridiculous- it’s a good idea, bad execution)

The Return of Doctor Mysterio

Twice Upon A Time (let me explain- I love Peter Capaldi’s regeneration except from the children can hear my voice line. But Moff made the 1st Doctor sexist. Which he actually wasn’t in Hartnell’s portrayal... not to the extent he’s portrayed as in the episode. I Did not like the writing of the the first Doctor, but liked the Archibald Lethbridge-Stewart reveal at the end)

Idiots Lantern

Love and Monsters

Lazarus Experiment

Haunting of Villa Diodati (frustrating because it had potential)

The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos

Kill The Moon

Closing Time

Kerblam!

The Lodger

Rebel Flesh

Almost People

Ascension of The Cybermen (Rise of The Cybermen 0.2- seriously Ascention is another word for rise, so it’s ACTUALLY called Rise of The Cybermen)

Fear Her

The Tsuranga Conundrum

The Timeless Children (the episode that gave me my first hangover)

#doctor who #my opinion

[guardianreadersofthegalaxy]

My ultimate ranking of all post-2005 Doctor Who episodes (updated 2020)

1.      Bad Wolf/ The Parting Of The Ways

2.      A Christmas Carol

3.      Heaven Sent

4.      Midnight

5.      Dalek

6.      Human Nature/ The Family Of Blood

7.      Vincent & The Doctor

8.      Turn Left

9.      The Empty Child/ The Doctor Dances

10.   Voyage Of The Damned

11.   Smith & Jones

12.   Face The Raven

13.   The Waters Of Mars

14.   Amy’s Choice

15.   The Eleventh Hour

16.   Utopia

17.   Oxygen

18.   World Enough & Time/ The Doctor Falls

19.   Tooth & Claw

20.   Daleks In Manhattan/ Evolution Of The Daleks

21.   Flatline

22.   Under The Lake/ Before The Flood

23.   Mummy On The Orient Express

24.   The Girl In The Fireplace

25.   The Impossible Planet/ The Satan Pit

26.   Rise Of The Cybermen/ The Age Of Steel

27.   The God Complex

28.   Blink

29.   The Sound Of Drums/ Last Of The Timelords

30.   The Fires Of Pompeii

31.   The Doctor’s Wife

32.   Gridlock

33.   The Time Of Angels/ Flesh & Stone

34.   Silence In The Library/ Forest Of The Dead

35.   Last Christmas

36.   The Unicorn & The Wasp

37.   The Pandorica Opens/ The Big Bang

38.   The Sontaran Stratagem/ The Poison Sky

39.   Lie Of The Land

40.   Vampires Of Venice

41.   Love & Monsters

42.   The Shakespeare Code

43.   Night Terrors

44.   Robot Of Sherwood

45.   Planet Of The Ood

46.   The Rebel Flesh/ The Almost People

47.   Partners In Crime

48.   The Impossible Astronaut/ Day Of The Moon

49.   Fugitive Of The Judoon

50.   Boom Town

51.   Aliens Of London/ World War Three

52.   The Girl Who Waited

53.   Army Of Ghosts/ Doomsday

54.   Into The Dalek

55.   The Husbands Of River Song

56.   The Snowmen

57.   Listen

58.   The Zygon Invasion/ The Zygon Inversion

59.   The Caretaker

60.   Twice Upon A Time

61.   Hell Bent

62.   The Return Of Doctor Mysterio

63.   Rose

64.   A Town Called Mercy

65.   The Woman Who Lived

66.   42

67.   The Pilot

68.   The Haunting Of Villa Diodati

69.   The Curse Of The Black Spot

70.   Dark Water/ Death In Heaven

71.   Spyfall

72.   The Girl Who Died

73.   Closing Time

74.   Sleep No More

75.   Can You Hear Me?

76.   The Woman Who Fell To Earth

77.   Dinosaurs On A Spaceship

78.   The Lodger

79.   The Stolen Earth/ Journey’s End

80.   The End Of Time

81.   Demons Of The Punjab

82.   Cold War

83.   Deep Breath

84.   Praxeus

85.   Victory Of The Daleks

86.   Ascension Of The Cybermen/ The Timeless Children

87.   The Beast Below

88.   Time Of The Doctor

89.   The Next Doctor

90.   The Power Of Three

91.   Nightmare In Silver

92.   Day Of The Doctor

93.   The Witch Finders

94.   The Pyramid At The End Of The World

95.   Rosa

96.   New Earth

97.   The Doctor, The Widow & The Wardrobe

98.   The Angels Take Manhattan

99.   The Runaway Bride

100. Asylum Of The Daleks

101. The Christmas Invasion

102. Thin Ice

103. Hide

104. Father’s Day

105. Nikolas Tesla’s Night Of Terror

106. Smile

107. Resolution

108. The Magician’s Apprentice/ The Witch’s Familiar

109. Time Heist

110. A Good Man Goes To War

111. It Takes You Away

112. The Lazarus Experiment

113. The Eaters Of Light

114. The Bells Of St John

115. Journey To The Centre Of The TARDIS

116. The Doctor’s Daughter

117. The Wedding Of River Song

118. Empress Of Mars

119. The Hungry Earth/ Cold Blood

120. The End Of The World

121. Kerblam!

122. Let’s Kill Hitler

123. School Reunion

124. In The Forest Of The Night

125. The Crimson Horror

126. The Unquiet Dead

127. The Long Game

128. The Idiot’s Lantern

129. Planet Of The Dead

130. The Ghost Monument

131.  Knock, Knock

132. The Rings Of Akhaten

133. Arachnids In The UK

134. Fear Her

135. The Tsuranga Conundrum

136. Extremis

137. The Battle Of Ranskoor Av Kolos

138. The Name Of The Doctor

139. Orphan 55

140. Kill The Moon

#my post #ranking #doctor who #bbc #russell t davies #steven moffat #chris chibnall #christopher eccleston #david tennant #matt smith #peter capaldi #Jodie Whittaker #whovian #doctor who ranking

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Life | 2019

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Had abdominal surgery! I spent most of April either doped up or unconscious. Long story short, I had an ovarian cyst that they thought was twice as big as my fist. So they fast-tracked me to surgery, and discovered that while I did have an ovarian cyst that was pretty large, most of the issue was that my bowel had fused to my uterine wall. Or was it abdominal wall? Either way, my bowel was glued to where it shouldn’t be and very angry because it had a fairly large pre-cancerous polyp in it. Which I found out a week after the abdominal surgery, when I had to have a colonoscopy. Which leads me to...

Had to do three different bowel preps in less than a month! It’s really not fun, guys. But, I got a cyst removed, a polyp removed, a metric fuckton of endo removed, and got my bowel back where it should be. Also, they confirmed that I can have babies! Which I didn’t know I was so fucked up about until I started crying about it post surgery.

Oh, also I peed in a bedpan. That’s also something I’ve never done before. And and and, been sick on Christmas! - Adding Tanya later in this post means I remembered something else I’d never done before - jumped into a pool fully dressed. Then became... no longer dressed.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Still don’t remember what my resolution was which- hey, 2020 Heather! Your 2019 resolution is to legitimately lose weight (she says while eating cotton candy ice cream out of the tub) and quit smoking again. Also, maybe be engaged. But mostly, the weight and the smoking thing. 

As for 2019 resolutions- I can guess what they were, which probably boiled down to losing weight. I put on about 20 pounds after surgery and haven’t lost it, because shocker, abdominal surgery really fucks with your core strength. Pretty sure there was something in there about reading 100 books (done), beating 4 games (done), and write something original (done? technically?) and/or novel-length (negative). 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? High school people and a few old coworkers. Nick’s cousin and his wife just had their third kid though. I think it may have actually happened on Christmas. 4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries. Went to North Carolina for our possible last beach vacation. In January we’re going to Vegas for our friend’s wedding, which will be interesting. They’re getting married on a ferris wheel by an Elvis impersonator. May also go to Maine this year, but not sure yet because I only have a certain amount of vacation time. 

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Didn’t get a ring, yet. But we’ll see. We also didn’t get the house yet, so lets recycle those wants! Also, while we’re shooting big here, how about a better goddamn president?

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Started my second big girl job on November 18th. Had surgery on April 12th. Not a whole lot else stands out. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got a new job! With more money and more responsibility and will look really good on a resume! Didn’t kill myself? Which sounds pretty morbid, but I had a lot of pain in my life earlier in the year. 

9. What was your biggest failure? Not... losing... weight? Because I really need to do that. The heartburn bullshit will likely go away. The sleep apnea thing will likely go away. Your health in general will improve. And you don’t even like food that much anyway!  10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I think I’ve had the flu twice this year and again, abdominal surgery, so yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got nice clothes? Most of the other shit has been knick-knacks. I got more books. A new bookshelf!  12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Mine, I guess. I mean, 2019 wasn’t the worst, but it definitely has not been great.  13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I have a friend. Let’s call her Amanda. Yeah, her. She’s blown us off a lot this year, which really sucks. The rest of it is her own decisions that only affect us because it’s inevitably going to affect her in a terrible way, but the blowing us off and only using us as passes for free food and ways to do her laundry really sucks.

14. Where did most of your money go? Surgery! My OOP may have been met in April, but the surgery itself was $48,000. I’ve only had to pay about $6,000 because my OOP was 5k, but that still hurts. And my dental sucks, which means I paid out of my ass to fix my teeth. Also, I bought way too many clothes and books. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I do still appreciate having a job with decent money. The new job will have insurance after my 90 day probation period (yeah, because you can’t have health care for 3 months even if you work in health care because you’re new). I’m glad that I caught the polyp before it became cancerous. I was happy I could have babies. I got excited about the new His Dark Materials series and The Witcher series and Kingdom Hearts 3 and God of War, and probably at least a couple other fandom things.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Face My Fears. Curse of the I-5 Corridor. Hadestown soundtrack. Transistor soundtrack. Wasteland, Baby! album. Billie Eilish in general. Lark of My Heart. But mostly, Face My Fears and Don’t Think Twice. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Sadder, probably? 2019 wasn’t great. ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter.  iii. richer or poorer? Technically probably on par with where I was last year? I didn’t save quite as much as I wanted to with the surgery happening. Also, my car needed some pricey repairs this year. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I do wish I’d written more this year, but I wrote a lot in October. Possibly more than the last two years combined, which was nice. And I read a lot. I kind of wish I slept more. Or ate better. Or worked out more. I’m just really tired this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spent less time with doctors? But I mean, taking care of myself is good and I’ve never had that option before.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it mostly sleeping. We got a bug that was either a really bad cold or a flu, so I’ve spent the last week generally shitty and sweaty and tired. First year that we haven’t been able to do Christmas basically at all. But we spent the hours between 6pm on Christmas Eve and 10am Christmas morning have the most restless goddamn sleep in the world and then opened presents and watched Love Actually and some television (the last two episodes of the Witcher!) while kind of napping on the couch, and ordered Chinese because it was hungry and the only thing open. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Think I’m going to make the pirozki on Sunday, and then we’re doing a gift exchange with some of our friends at his mom’s house. 22. Did you fall in love in 2019? Eh. Still love him.  23. Best month for you this year? Clearly me having a good 2018 while everyone else had a shitty one guaranteed 2019 to be shit, because I honestly don’t fucking know. October was nice. So was August. But fuck most of the rest of it.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2019? Russian Doll, Glow, The Dragon Prince, Good Omens, Schitt’s Creek, The Terror, Chernobyl, Buzzfeed Unsolved, She-Ra, His Dark Materials, The Witcher... 2019 may have been a meh year, but it had some good shows. Of those, I think my favorite was probably either The Witcher or Good Omens, with His Dark Materials, Russian Doll, and The Terror tying for third. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Red, White, & Royal Blue was probably my favorite. I also read Sanderson’s books this year though, which were also absolutely amazing. Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive were wonderful. It was a pretty great year for books too. Books and TV, well done 2019. Middlegame, The Ninth Gate, a lot of rereads. Best one was still Red, White, & Royal Blue though. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Do Utada Hikaru’s new Kingdom Hearts anthems count? Because Spanish Sahara by Foals, Obstacles by Syd Matters, the new Hozier album, and the Hadestown soundtrack were all wonderful musical discoveries. 28. What did you want and got? I don’t know. New clothes? A laptop? Confirmation that my ovaries work?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? Well, I lost the bet with Brandon. No ring by the end of 2019. No kids, either, but we aren’t quite there yet. No house. No perfect health? Is that a thing?

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Into the Spiderverse a lot. Detective Pikachu. Rocketman.Frozen 2. Endgame was all right. I didn’t hate the new Star Wars. Toy Story 4. IT. It wasn’t a super great movie year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? The big 3-0. It was all right. The night before we went to Fujiyamas with a couple of our friends, then on my birthday we had breakfast at First Watch, did some Christmas shopping, and went to the Zoo Lights a little after 5. Froze to death because it was snowing and shocker, when snow melts you get wet, but it was nice. Then had a late dinner at Mackenzie River, because it was one of the only places still open and close to our place.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. ----Hmmmmm 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? I did not give up and buys Scrubs. Instead I have a perhaps slightly oversized work appropriate selection of jeans (for Fridays), work slacks, blouses/sweaters, dresses, and skirts. I spent a little too much on clothes this year. I blame discovering Torrid. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer, three years running! 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? David Tenant made a shocking comeback after Good Omens aired. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Myself. Also, my brother, who is still in jail almost a year later and still no fucking trial. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t know. Oh! I do know! I really like Tanya. 

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Tanya is awesome and pretty and fun and possibly at least a little bit crazy, but we all fucking are, come on. She got to come with us on vacation this year and it really made it interesting. Also, Shay and Alicia. I knew them last year, but got to know them pretty well this year.

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one about 20 minutes after midnight on January 1st, 2019 after my first successful round of Battleshots. The hat went to the winner. It is not the most flattering picture, because I had been drinking already before I had to take four shots of Satan’s cinnamon liquor.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, at the zoo. Again, snow melts.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Not sure? There’s not a whole lot of new food we haven’t tried. One of the pharmacists brought in some authentic Indian food for one of the potlucks we had and I don’t remember what it was called but it had rice and eggs and was amazing.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. We saw both Hamilton and Les Mis this year and they both reduced me to tears. I also had some good moments with books and tv shows I watched with Nick.

44. What are you excited for next year? There’s a couple new books. The election. Some tv shows, I think? Games? I don’t know, man. I’m trying not to come off as horribly depressed but I am kind of pretty depressed and nobody will ever know because the only person who ever gets this far into reading these things is me, so- hello 2020 me, you were really sad on December 26th 2019 and honestly for most of the year, so I sure hope 2020 is the year that we fucking seize life by the horns or however that saying goes.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have! 

I guess my message from last year (it gets better) is in almost direct opposition of this year, which is basically: it could always be worse. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer

(seriously, deliriously happy 2018 me quoting singin’ in the rain is taunting me wtf)

First Fandom of 2019: January of 2019 was pretty solidly Detroit Become Human. It hit me hard. Favorite Main Character of 2019: Jonathan Sims. I was a slut for the Archivist in 2019. Favorite Villain of 2019: Elias from The Magnus Archives, maybe? My only other response would be.. dun dun dun, Ben Solo aka Kylo Ron or whatever Favorite M/F Couple of 2019: I... am back on my Reylo bullshit. Favorite F/F Couple of 2019: Can I say Villanelle and Eve even if I didn’t really dip into the fandom? No? Okay, Catra and Adora. Favorite M/M Couple of 2019: Okay, so the three that got me this year was Hank/Connor, Jon/Martin, and Ryan/Shane.  Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Um, Buzzfeed Unsolved. Never would have guessed that one. Also like, while I would have expected Detroit Become Human I never would have guessed my favorite ship. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Sigh. Twas that Reylo smacking me in the face at the tail end of 2019. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Insert shrug? I read a weird Buzzfeed Unsolved fic above Mothman giving the guys sharable dreams (that were sometimes weird and sometimes sexy) until they boned. Last Fandom of 2019: Sighing again. Reylo. Though Yuletide has made it so I’ve read a lot of Queen’s Thief stuff. Favorite Fandom of 2019: I think that Buzzfeed Unsolved was my favorite purely from a fic standpoint, but Detroit Become Human and The Magnus Archives were both really great too.

#heather says what #2019 #new year's memes #selfie tag?

[dalekofchaos]

My Favorite and Least favorite Doctor Who Episodes

Classic

Favorite First Doctor Episodes:

The Unearthly Child

The Daleks/The Dead planet

Marco Polo

Key Of Marius

 The Aztecs

The Dalek Invasion Of Earth,

 The Romans 

The Crusade

The Chase

 The Time Meddler

 The Celestial Toymaker

 The Tenth Planet 

Least Favorite First Doctor Episodes

The Sensorites

The Giants

The Edge of Destruction

The Web Planet

The Savages

The Smugglers

The Gunfighters

Favorite Second Doctor Episodes

The Power Of The Daleks

The Highlanders

The Underwater Menace

The Moonbase

The Evil Of the Daleks

Tomb Of The Cybermen

The Abominable Snowman

The Ice Warriors

The Enemy Of The World

The Web Of Fear

The Wheel In Space

The Mind Robber

The Invasion

The War Games

Least Favorite Second Doctor Episodes

The Faceless Ones

The Space Pirates

The Krotons

The Dominators

Favorite Third Doctor Episodes

Spearhead From Space

Doctor Who and the Silurians

Inferno

Terror of the Autons

The Mind Of Evil

Colony In Space

The Daemons

The Sea Devils

The Time Monster

The Three Doctors

Frontier In Space

Planet Of The Daleks

The Green Death

The Time Warrior

Death To The Daleks

Planet Of Spiders

Least Favorite Third Doctor Episodes

The Ambassadors of Death

The Claws of Axos

Day of the Daleks

The Mutants

Carnival of Monsters

Invasion of the Dinosaurs

Favorite Fourth Doctor Episodes

The Ark In Space

The Sontaran Experiment

Genesis of the Daleks

Revenge Of The Cybermen

Terror of the Zygons

Pyramid Of Mars

The Brain of Morbius

The Masque of Mandragora

The Hand of Fear

The Deadly Assassin

The Face of Evil

The Robots of Death

The Sun Makers

Horror of Fang Rock

Image of the Fendahl

The Invasion Of Time

The Key to Time season

Destiny of the Daleks

City Of Death

Shada

State Of Decay

Warrior’s Gate

Keeper Of Traken

Logopolis

Least Favorite Fourth Doctor Episodes

Robot

The Creature from the Pit

Nightmare of Eden

The Horns of Nimon

The Leisure Hive

Meglos

Full Circle

Favorite Fifth Doctor Episodes

Kinda

The Visitation

Black Orchid

Earthshock

Arc Of Infinity

Snake Dance

Mawdryn Undead

Terminus

Enlightenment

The King’s Demon

The Five Doctors

Warriors of the Deep

Frontios

Resurrection of the Daleks

Planet Of Fire

The Caves of Androzani

Least Favorite Fifth Doctor Episodes

Castrovalva 

Four to Doomsday

Time-Flight

Favorite Sixth Doctor Episodes

Vengeance on Varos

The Mark of the Rani

The Mysterious Planet

Terror of the Vervoids

The Ultimate Foe

Least Favorite Sixth Doctor Episodes

The Twin Dilemma

Attack of the Cybermen

Timelash

Revelation of the Daleks

Mindwarp

Favorite Seventh Doctor Episodes

Dragonfire

Remembrance of the Daleks

Silver Nemesis

The Greatest Show in the Galaxy

Battlefield

Ghost Light

The Curse Of Fenric

Survival

Dimensions In Time

Least Favorite Seventh Doctor Episodes

Time And The Rani

Paradise Towers

Delta And The Bannerman

The Happiness Patrol

Favorite Eighth Doctor Appearances

The Enemy Within

Night Of The Doctor

New Who

Favorite Ninth Doctor Episodes

Rose

The End of the World

The Unquiet Dead

Dalek

Father’s Day

The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances

Boom Town

Bad Wolf/The Parting Of The Ways

Least Favorite Ninth Doctor Episodes

Aliens of London/World War Three

The Long Game

Favorite Tenth Doctor Episodes

The Christmas Invasion

New Earth

Tooth And Claw

School Reunion

Rise Of The Cybermen/The Age Of Steel

The Idiot's Lantern

The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit

Army Of Ghosts/Doomsday

Smith And Jones

The Shakespeare Code

Human Nature/The Family Of Blood

Blink

Utopia/The Sound Of Drums/The Last Of The Time Lords

Partners in Crime

The Fires of Pompeii

Planet of the Ood

The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky

The Unicorn and the Wasp

Silence in The Library/The Forest Of The Dead

Midnight

Turn Left

The Stolen Earth/The Journey’s End

The Water Of Mars

Least Favorite Tenth Doctor episodes

The Girl in the Fireplace

Love & Monsters

Fear Her

The Runaway Bride

Gridlock

Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution Of The Daleks

The Lazarus Experiment

42

Voyage of the Damned

The Doctor's Daughter

Planet of the Dead

End Of Time

Favorite Eleventh Doctor Episodes

The Eleventh Hour

Victory of The Daleks

Amy’s Choice

Vincent and the Doctor

The Lodger

The Curse of the Black Spot

The Doctor's Wife

The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People

A Good Man Goes to War(until the reveal that River is Amy’s daughter)

The Girl Who Waited

The God Complex

Closing Time

A Town Called Mercy

The Snowmen

The Rings of Akhaten

Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

The Crimson Horror

Day Of The Doctor

Least Favorite Eleventh Doctor Episodes

The Time of Angels/Flesh And Stone

The Vampires Of Venice

The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood

A Christmas Carol

The Impossible Astronaut/Day Of The Moon

Let’s Kill Hitler

Night Terrors

The Wedding Of River Song

The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe

Asylum Of The Daleks

Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

The Power of Three

The Angels Take Manhattan

Cold War

The Name of the Doctor

Time Of The Doctor

Favorite Twelfth Doctor Episodes

Robot of Sherwood

Listen

Mummy on the Orient Express

Dark Waters/Death In Heaven

Last Christmas

The Magician's Apprentice

The Girl Who Died

The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion

Face the Raven

Heaven Sent

The Pilot

Oxygen

Extremis

Empress Of Mars

World And Time Enough

Least Favorite Twelfth Doctor Episodes

The Caretaker

Kill the Moon

In the Forest of the Night

The Witch's Familiar

The Woman Who Lived

Sleep No More

Hell Bent

The Husbands of River Song

The Return of Doctor Mysterio

The Pyramid at the End of the World/The Lie of the Land

The Doctor Falls

Twice Upon A Time

#Doctor Who #Classic Who #New Who #Ninth Doctor #Tenth Doctor #Eleventh Doctor #Twelfth Doctor #First Doctor #Second Doctor #Third Doctor #Fourth Doctor #Fifth Doctor #Sixth Doctor #Seventh Doctor #Eighth Doctor

[lifes-a-dick]

“The door upstairs, how did you set the security?”

“Friends only”

Lol, facebook reference or something. But why. I don’t get it yet. And all those shots of Bill’s day, her flirting with chips girl, meeting puddle girl at the bar, then all of it chopped up into single frames like her life is a show, like a show within a show. And all of it during the Doctor’s speech about how time is an illusion: “movies don’t really move, they’re just pictures, lots and lots of pictures, all of them still, none of them moving, just FROZEN MOMENTS, if you experience those pictures one after the other then everything comes ALIVE”

So like, forward progression = life. Time standing still = death. It’s like in the wedding of river song when time is frozen at 5:02pm and when the Doctor and River touch (ie. kiss) time starts moving forward. Twice Upon a Time is again about “something wrong with time”.

Oh my god I’m only 6 minutes in? Cause now I’m thinking about why we get this *frozen time* speech right at the beginning of the beginning and a reference to using facebook privacy settings to lock a door and the whole matrix thing that comes later and ....is all of series 10 a dream or something?? Hahahahahahaha. **sigh**

#dw rewatch #the pilot

[doc42]

Moffat Who Rankings

Series 9

Hell Bent The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion The Girl Who Died The Witch's Familiar Face the Raven Heaven Sent The Husbands of River Song The Woman Who Lived The Magician's Apprentice Sleep No More Under the Lake/Before the Flood

Series 8

Kill the Moon Listen Dark Water/Death in Heaven Mummy on the Orient Express Deep Breath Last Christmas Robot of Sherwood Flatline In the Forest of the Night The Caretaker Time Heist Into the Dalek

Series 10

World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls Oxygen Extremis The Eaters of Light Twice Upon a Time Thin Ice The Pyramid at the End of the World The Pilot Empress of Mars The Lie of the Land Smile Knock Knock

Series 6

Let's Kill Hitler A Good Man Goes to War The Girl Who Waited Closing Time The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon The Wedding of River Song A Christmas Carol The Doctor's Wife The God Complex The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People The Curse of the Black Spot Night Terrors

Series 5

The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang The Beast Below Amy's Choice The Lodger The Eleventh Hour The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone Vincent and the Doctor The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood Victory of the Daleks The Vampires of Venice

Series 7

The Time of the Doctor The Day of the Doctor The Angels Take Manhattan The Rings of Akhaten Hide The Name of the Doctor The Snowmen The Power of Three The Bells of Saint John Asylum of the Daleks The Crimson Horror Dinosaurs on a Spaceship Cold War Nightmare in Silver The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS A Town Called Mercy

#Doctor Who #The Year of Moffat

[tryafandom-blog]

Found a List

The real list is on Slash Films: https://www.slashfilm.com/disney-movies-and-tv-shows-list/ 

Here’s the copy-pasted version:

Movies

10 Things I Hate About You

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

101 Dalmatians (1961)

101 Dalmatians (1996)

101 Dalmatians 2: Patch’s London Adventure

102 Dalmatians

(500) Days of Summer

The Absent-Minded Professor

The Adventures of André and Wally B.

Adventures in Babysitting (1987)

Adventures in Babysitting (2016

The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin

The Adventures of Huck and Finn

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

The African Lion

Aladdin

Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Aladdin II: The Return of Jafar

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Alice in Wonderland (1951)

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

Alice Through the Looking Glass

Aliens of the Deep

Alley Cats Strike

Almost Angels

America’s Heart and Soul

Amy

An Extremely Goofy Movie

Annie

Ant-Man

Ant-Man and The Wasp

Apollo: Missions to the Moon

The Apple Dumpling Gang

The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again

The Aristocats

Around the World in 80 Days

Atlantis: Milo’s Return

Atlantis Rising

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Avalon High

The Avengers

Avengers: Infinity War

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Avengers: Endgame

Babes in Toyland

Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend

Bad Hair Day

Bambi

Bambi 2

The Band Concert

Bao

The Barefoot Executive

The Bears and I

Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Beauty and the Beast: Belle’s Magical World

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas

Beauty and the Briefcase

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Bedtime Stories

Before the Flood

Benji the Hunted

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva La Fiesta

The BFG

Big Business

The Big Green

Big Hero Six

The Biscuit Eater

Bizarre Dinosaurs

The Black Cauldron

The Black Hole

Black Panther

Blackbeard’s Ghost

Blank Check

The Blue Umbrella

Bolt

Boundin’

The Boys: The Sherman Brothers Story

Brave

The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars

The Brave Little Toaster to the Rescue

Breaking2

Breaking Away

Bridge to Terabithia

Brink

Brother Bear

Brother Bear 2

Buffalo Dreams

A Bug’s Life

Burn-E

Cadet Kelly

Camp Nowhere

Camp Rock

Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam

Can of Worms

Candleshoe

Captain America: Civil War

Captain America: The First Avenger

Captain Marvel

Cars

Cars 2

Cars 3

Cars Toon: Air Mater

Cars Toon: Hiccups

Cars Toon: Mater Private Eye

Cars Toon: Mater the Greater

Cars Toon: Monster Truck Mater

Cars Toon: Time Travel Mater

Cars Toons: Heavy Metal Mater

Casebusters

The Castaway Cowboy

The Cat from Outer Space

Cheetah

The Cheetah Girls

The Cheetah Girls 2

The Cheetah Girls: One World

Chef Donald

Chicken Little

Christmas Cupid

The Christmas Star

Christopher Robin

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe

Cinderella (1950)

Cinderella (2015)

Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True

Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time

Cloud 9

Coco

College Road Trip

The Color of Friendship

The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Cool Runnings

The Count of Monte Cristo

The Country Bears

Cow Belles

D2: The Mighty Ducks

D3: The Mighty Ducks

Dadnapped

Dan in Real Life

Darby O’Gill and the Little People

Davy Crockett and the River Pirates

Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier

Day and Night

Decorating Disney: Holiday Magic

Den Brother

Descendants

Descendants 2

Diana: In Her Own Words

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Dick Tracy

Dinosaur

Disney’s A Christmas Carol

Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings

Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings: Holiday Magic

Disneynature African Cats

Disneynature Bears

Disneynature Born in China

Disneynature Chimpanzee

Disneynature Crimson Wing

Disneynature Expedition China

Disneynature Ghost of the Mountains

Disneynature Growing Up Wild

Disneynature Monkey Kingdom

Disneynature Oceans

Disneynature Penguins

Disneynature Wings of Life

Doctor Dolittle

Doctor Strange

Don’t Look Under the Bed

Donald and Pluto

Double Teamed

Doug’s 1st Movie

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

Dug’s Special Mission

Dumbo

Dumbo (Live-Action)

Earth Live

Easter Island Unsolved

Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook-Off

Eight Below

Emil and the Detectives

The Emperorer’s New Groove

Empire of Dreams: The Story of the Star Wars Trilogy

Escape to Witch Mountain

The Even Stevens Movie

Expedition Mars: Spirit and Opportunity

Fantasia

Fantasia 2000

Finding Dory

Finding Nemo

The Finest Hours

First Kid

Flight of the Navigator

The Flood

Flowers and Trees

Flubber

For the Birds

The Fox and the Hound

The Fox and the Hound 2

Frank and Ollie

Frankenweenie (1984)

Frankenweenie (2012)

Freaky Friday (1977)

Freaky Friday (2003)

Freaky Friday (2018)

Free Solo

Frenemies

Frozen

Full-Court Miracle

Fun and Fancy Free

Fuzzbucket

G-Force

The Game Plan

Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties

Geek Charming

Genius

George and A.J.

George of the Jungle

George of the Jungle 2

Get a Clue

The Ghosts of Buxley Hall

Giants of the Deep Blue

Girl vs Monster

Glory Road

Go Figure

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Going to the Mat

The Good Dinosaur

Good Luck Charlie: It’s Christmas!

A Goofy Movie

Gotta Kick It Up

The Great Mouse Detective

The Greatest Game Ever Played

Greyfriars Bobby

Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2

Halloweentown High

Halloweentown

Halloweentown 2: Kalabar’s Revenge

Hannah Montana: The Movie

Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert

Hatching Pete

The Haunted Mansion

Heavyweights

The Help

Herbie: Fully Loaded

Herbie Goes Bananas

Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo

Herbie Rides Again

Hercules

High School Musical

High School Musical 2

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Hocus Pocus

Holes

Holiday in Handcuffs

Home on the Range

Homeward Bound 2: Lost in San Francisco

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Honey, We Shrank Ourselves

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid

Horse Sense

The Horse Whisperer

How Dogs Got Their Shapes

How to Build a Better Boy

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I Am Number Four

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas

Ice Age: The Great Egg-scapade

Ice Princess

Incredible: The Story of Dr. Pol

The Incredible Dr. Pol: Blue Ribbon Kids

The Incredible Journey

The Incredibles

The Incredibles 2

Inner Workings

Inside Out

Inspector Gadget

Inspector Gadget 2

Into the Grand Canyon

Into the Okavango

Into the Woods

Invincible

Invisible Sister

Iron Man

Iron Man 2

Iron Man 3

Iron Man and Hulk: Heroes United

Iron Will

Jack

Jack-Jack Attack

James and the Giant Peach

Jane

The Jennie Project

John Carter

Johnny Kapahala: Back On Board

Johnny Tsunami

Jonas Brothers: The Concert Experience

The Journey of Natty Gan

Journey to Shark Eden

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Jump In

Jumping Ship

Jungle 2 Jungle

The Jungle Book (1967)

The Jungle Book (2016)

The Jungle Book 2

The Jungle Book: Mowgli’s Story

Jungle Cat

Justin Morgan Had a Horse

Kazaam

The Kid

A Kid in King Arthur’s Court

Kim Possible (2019)

Kim Possible Movie: So the Drama

Kingdom of the Blue Whale

Kronk’s New Groove

La Luna

Lady and the Tramp

Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp’s Adventure

The Last Song

Lava

The Legend of Mordu

LEGO Star Wars: The Yoda Chronicles – Clash of the Skywalkers

LEGO Star Wars: The Yoda Chronicles – Escape from the Jedi Temple

LEGO Star Wars: The Yoda Chronicles – Race for the Holocrons

LEGO Star Wars: The Yoda Chronicles – Raid on Coruscant

Lemonade Mouth

Lend a Paw

Leroy and Stitch

Let It Shine

Life is Ruff

Life Size 2

Life with Mikey

Lifted

Lilo and Stitch

Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch

The Lion King (1994)

The Lion King 1 1/2

The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride

The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning

The Little Whirlwind

The Living Desert

The Lizzie McGuire Movie

The Lone Ranger

Lonesome Ghosts

The Lost Tomb of Alexander the Great

Lou

The Love Bug (1969)

Lovestruck: The Musical

Luck of the Irish

Luxo Jr.

Man Among Cheetahs

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Mars: Inside SpaceX

Mars Needs Moms

Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors

Marvel Studios: Assembling a Universe

Marvel Super Hero Adventures: Frost Fight

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins Returns

Mater and the Ghostlight

Max Keeble’s Big Move

McFarland, USA

Meet the Deedles

Meet the Robinsons

Melody Time

Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers

Mickey’s House of Villains

Mickey’s Magical Christmas: Snowed in at the House of Mouse

Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas

Mickey’s Twice Upon a Christmas

The Mighty Ducks

Mighty Joe Young

Mike’s New Car

Million Dollar Arm

The Million Dollar Duck

Minutemen

Miracle

Miracle at Midnight

Miracle in Lane 2

Miracle Landing on the Hudson

Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

Miracle on 34th Street (1994)

Mission to the Sun

The Mistle Tones

Moana

Modern Inventions

Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire

Monsters, Inc.

Monsters University

Motocrossed

Mr. Boogedy

Mr. Holand’s Opus

Mr. Magoo

Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

Mulan

Mulan 2

The Muppet Christmas Carol

The Muppet Movie

Muppet Treasure Island

The Muppets (2011)

Muppets Most Wanted

Musical Farmer

My Fake Fiance

My Favorite Martian

My Future Boyfriend

National Treasure

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Never Been Kissed

Newsies

Newsies: The Broadway Musical

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Now You See It

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

The Odd Life of Timothy Green

Olaf’s Frozen Adventure

Old Dogs

Old Yeller

Oliver and Company

Once Upon a Mattress

One Magic Christmas

Operation Dumbo Drop

The Other Me

Oz the Great and Powerful

The Pacifier

The Parent Trap (1961)

The Parent Trap (1998)

Paris to Pittsburgh

Partly Cloudy

Party Central

People Like Us

Perri

Pete’s Dragon (1977)

Pete’s Dragon (2016)

Peter Pan

Peter Pan: Return to Neverland

Phantom of the Megaplex

Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel

Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension

Piglet’s Big Movie

Pinocchio

Piper

The Pirate Fairy

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

The Pixar Story

Pixel Perfect

Pizza My Heart

Planes

Planes: Fire Rescue

Planet of the Birds

Pluto’s Christmas Tree

Pocahontas

Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World

Pollyana

Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

Pooh’s Heffalump Movie

The Prince and the Pauper

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

The Princess and the Frog

The Princess Diaries

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Princess Protection Program

Prom

The Proof Point

The Proud Family Movie

Queen of Katwe

Quints

Race to Witch Mountain

The Radiator Springs 500 1/2

Ralph Breaks the Internet

Ratatouille

Read It and Weep

Ready to Run

Real Steel

Recess: All Growed Down

Recess: School’s Out

Recess: Taking the 5th Grade

Red’s Dream

The Reluctant Dragon

Remember the Titans

The Rescuers Down Under

Return from Witch Mountain

Return to Halloweentown

Return to Oz

Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish

Right on Track

Riley’s First Date

A Ring of Endless Light

Rip Girls

Robin Hood

The Rocketeer

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

The Rookie

Rookie of the Year

Roving Mars

Ruby Bridges

Sacred Planet

Saludos Amigos

Sammy, the Way-Out Seal

The Sandlot

Sanjay’s Super Team

Santa Buddies: The Legend of Santa Paws

The Santa Clause

The Santa Clause 2

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Claus

Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups

Saving Mr. Banks

Science Fair

The Scream Team

Sea of Hope: America’s Underwater Treasures

The Search for Santa Paws

The Secret of the Magic Gourd

Secret of the Wings

Secretariat

Secrets of Christ’s Tomb: Explorer Special

Secrets of Life

Secrets of the King Cobra

The Shaggy D.A.

The Shaggy Dog (1959)

The Shaggy Dog (2006)

Sharks of Lost Island

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure

Shipwrecked

The Sign of Zorro

The Simpsons Movie

Sister Act

Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit

The Skeleton Dance

Sky High

Skyrunners

Sleeping Beauty

Smart House

Snow

Snow 2: Brain Freeze

Snow Buddies

Snow Dogs

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Snowball Express

Snowglobe (2007)

Solo: A Star Wars Story

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

The Sound of Music

Space Buddies

Spacecamp

Splash

Spooky Buddies

Star Wars: A New Hope

Star Wars: Attack of the Clones

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

Starstruck

Steamboat Willie

Stepsister from Planet Weird

Stitch! the Movie

Stonehenge Decoded: Secrets Revealed

The Story of Robin Hood and His Merrie Men

Straight Talk

Strange Magic

The Strongest Man in the World

Stuck in the Suburbs

The Suite Life Movie

Sultan and the Rock Star

Super Buddies

The Swap

Sweet Home Alabama

Swing Vote

Swiss Family Robinson (1960)

Swiss Family Robinson

The Sword in the Stone

Tall Tale

Tangled

Tangled: Before Ever After

Tangled Ever After

Tarzan

Tarzan 2

Tarzan and Jane (2002)

Teachers Pet

Teen Beach 2

Teen Beach Movie

Teen Spirit

That Darn Cat (1965)

That Darn Cat (1977)

The Thirteenth Year

Thor

Thor: Ragnarok

Thor: The Dark World

The Three Caballeros

Those Calloways

Three Days

Three Little Pigs

Three Men and a Baby

Three Men and a Little Lady

The Three Musketeers

Tiger Cruise

The Tigger Movie

‘Til Dad do us Part

Tini: The New Life of Violetta

Tinker Bell

Tinker Bell and the Great Fairy Rescue

Tinker Bell and the Legend of the Neverbeast

Titanic: 20 Years Later with James Cameron

Tom and Huck

Tomorrowland

Toy Story

Toy Story 2

Toy Story 3

Toy Story Toons: Hawaiian Vacation

Toy Story Toons: Partysaurus Rex

Toy Story Toons: Small Fry

Trail of the Panda

Treasure Buddies

Treasure Island

Treasure of Matecumbe

Treasure Planet

Tree Climbing Lions

Tron

Tron Legacy

Tru Confessions

Tuck Everlasting

Turner and Hooch

Twas the Night

Twitches

Twitches Too

U.S. Secret Service: On the Front Line

The Ugly Daschund

The Ultimate Christmas Present

Under the Sea: A Descendants Short Story

Under the Tuscan Sun

Underdog

Unidentified Flying Oddball

Up

Up, Up, and Away

Valiant

The Vanishing Prairie

Waking Sleeping Beauty

Wall-E

Walt and El Grupo

Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior

What About Bob?

When In Rome

While You Were Sleeping

Whispers: An Elephant’s Tale

White Fang

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

The Wild

Willow

Winged Seduction: Birds of Paradise

Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year

Winnie the Pooh: Springtime with Roo

The Wise Little Hen

The Wizards Return: Alex vs Alex

Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie

World’s Greatest Dogs

Wreck-it Ralph

A Wrinkle in Time

You Again

You Lucky Dog

You Wish

The Young Black Stallion

Your Friend the Rat

Zapped

Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

Zenon: The Zequel

Zenon: Z3

Zombies (2018)

Zootopia

Television Shows

The 7D

101 Dalmatians

Adventures of the Gummi Bears

Agent Carter

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

American Dragon: Jake Long

Andi Mack

A.N.T. Farm

Ant-Man Shorts

Austin and Ally

Avengers Assemble

The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes

Avengers: Secret Wars (Shorts)

The Avengers: United They Stand

Best Friends Whenever

Big City Greens

Big City Greens (Shorts)

Big Hero 6: The Series

Big Hero 6: The Series (Shorts)

Billy Dilley’s Super Duper Subterranean Summer

Bizaardvark

Bonkers

The Book of Once Upon a Time

The Book of Pooh

Boy Meets World

Brain Games

Brandy and Mr. Whiskers

Bug Juice: My Adventures at Camp

Bunk’d

Chip n Dale: Rescue Rangers

Coop and Cami Ask the World

Coop and Cami Ask the World (Shorts)

Crash and Bernstein

Darkwing Duck

Descendants: Wicked World (Shorts)

Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings

Disney Junior Music Nursery Rhymes

Doc McStuffins

Dog Whisperer with Caesar Millan

Doug

Dr. K’s Exotic Animal ER

Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet

Drain the Oceans

DuckTales (1987)

DuckTales (2017)

DuckTales Shorts

Elena of Avalor (Shorts)

The Emperor’s New School

Even Stevens

Fantastic Four (1994)

Fantastic Four: World’s Greatest Heroes

Fast Layne

Gargoyles

Girl Meets World

Goldie and Bear

Good Luck Charlie

Goof Troop

Gordon Ramsay: Uncharted

Gravity Falls

Gravity Falls: Shorts

Great Migrations

Guardians of the Galaxy (2015)

Guardians of the Galaxy (Shorts)

Handy Manny

Henry Hungglemonster

Hercules

Hostile Planet

I Didn’t Do It

Imagination Movers

The Incredible Dr. Pol

The Incredible Hulk

Inhumans

Iron Man (1994)

Iron Man: Armored Adventures

Jake and the Never Land Pirates

Jessie

JONAS

K.C. Undercover

Kickin’ It

Kim Possible

Kingdom of the White Wolf

Kirby Buckets

Lab Rats

Lab Rats: Elite Force

Legend of the Three Caballeros

LEGO Disney Frozen: Northern Lights (Shorts)

LEGO Star Wars: All Stars

LEGO Star Wars: Droid Tales

LEGO Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures

LEGO Star Wars: The Resistance Rises

Life Below Zero

Lilo and Stitch

The Lion Guard

Little Einsteins

The Little Mermaid

Liv and Maddie

Lizzie McGuire (2001)

Lost Treasures of the Maya

Marvel Rising: Initiation

Marvel’s Rocket and Groot

Marvel’s Spider-Man (Shorts)

Marvel Super Hero Adventures

Marvel Ultimate Comics

Mech X4

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Mickey and the Roadster Racers

Mickey Mouse (Shorts)

Mighty Ducks

Mighty Med

Miles from Tomorrowland

Milo Murphy’s Law

Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir

Muppet Babies

Muppet Moments (Shorts)

The Muppets

My Friends Tigger and Pooh

The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

One Strange Rock

Origins: The Journey of Humankind

Out of the Box

Phil of the Future

Phineas and Ferb

PJ Masks

Puppy Dog Pals

Quack Pack

Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja

Raven’s Home

Recess

The Replacements

Rocky Mountain Animal Rescue

Shake it Up

Sheriff Callie’s Wild West

Silver Surfer (1998)

The Simpsons

Smart Guy

So Weird

Sofia the First

Sonny With a Chance

Soy Luna

Special Agent Oso

Spider-Man (1981)

Spider-Man (1994)

Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends

Spider-Man Unlimited

Spider-Woman (1979)

Star vs the Forces of Evil

Star Wars Blips

Star Wars: Forces of Destiny (Shorts)

Star Wars: Rebels

Star Wars: Rebels (Shorts)

Star Wars: Resistance

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Stuck in the Middle

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

The Suite Life on Deck

Supercar Megabuild

Sydney to the Max

Take Two with Phineas and Ferb (Shorts)

Talespin

Tangled: The Series

Tangled: Short Cuts (Shorts)

Teachers Pet

That’s So Raven

Timon and Pumbaa

Tron: Uprising

Ultimate Spider-Man

Vampirina

Violetta

Walk the Prank

Wild Yellowstone

Wizards of Waverly Place

Wolverine and the X-Men

X-Men (1992)

X-Men Evolution

[teaganfoxwelltigertamer-blog]

“Yeah, she’s fine - she just got a divorce, came out as a lesbian, and is moving to California.” 

My mother casually explained what would be just the beginning of the most tumultuous time of my life - to my concerned relatives who frequented Facebook. This single sentence was enough to encapsulate all the tears, frustration, and heartache I would feel over the last few years - as well as the sense of self-truth, optimism, and freedom that I’d never before experienced. 

I’m writing this in case anyone else who may happen to stumble upon my blog is experiencing such things - in the hopes that you may find some semblance of peace or reassurance that others have dealt with such trying times and have gotten through it. I can’t say that I’ve cracked the code, but I’m working on it and I hope that some of what I’ve learned along the way may help you to get through it, too. 

I like lists, so I’ll just list out a timeline of what happened to me. Maybe you have a similar timeline? I hope this adds some context and maybe even lines up a little with what has happened to you. I hope you find something useful in my ramblings and know that everything will be okay :) 

Anyway. 

It’s difficult to pinpoint for sure when my life began to shift, but here’s my attempt:

May, 2011

I met HIM. I’ll call him “C”, for privacy reasons. We met because I was trying to get one of my pseudo friends to go out with a guy who also wouldn't leave me alone. This sounds super harsh, but I call her a “pseudo friend” because she was a nice enough person, but it was difficult to spend time with her because she would constantly only point out the negative in other people. The guy who wouldn't leave me alone, first struck up a friendship with me when I was dating a friend of his and he tried to swoop in immediately after he and I had parted ways. He was nice, enough, too, but I just wasn’t interested. On their first date, they decided to go to a bowling alley - and the girl invited me to come along. Maybe I’d meet someone, too. I did. Turns out, the guy went to the bowling alley every week with a group of guys (including C). The first interaction I ever had with C was when my friend-girl showed me a video of a ferret destroying a roll of toilet paper. C walked into our conversation and exclaimed “big deal, I destroy toilet paper, too - every time I eat Mexican food.” Later, he admitted that he didn’t like the guy, either - and neither one of us were huge fans of my pseudo friend.  So for years after that, I would tell people that we met because of mutual hatred  and he won me over with a poop joke. 

2013

Was a really good year. He bought a house and we moved in together. I got my braces off. I graduated college and got promoted at work. My dad and C helped me buy a new car. Everything was looking up. 

2014

After I moved out and my middle brother went to college, things started falling apart at home. My parents never really got along, but things had taken a turn for the worse. 

2015

My parents got a divorce. It was my dad’s decision, which is huge because he was always a very quiet person and rarely stood up for his beliefs if he knew it would hurt another person. Looking back, I’m really proud of him. I love my mom, but I understand how hard that must have been for him to finally stand up and speak his mind. 

My mom took it extremely hard, for good reason. She had never lived alone. She had never had a job where she had to support herself. She never had a job, period, during the time that my parents were together. She had not finished college (she claimed, because of me - but later admitted that she really could have if she wanted to). 

This is the same year that I got engaged. C awoke from a nap and asked if I wanted to go to the park. We walked down to a river and I picked up a little pebble I thought was pretty and said, turning around to look at C, “do you like this rock?” He revealed the little ring box and asked me the same thing. I said “yes.” 

But, even with the piece of jewelry on my finger, the small hole that I’d always sort of had in my heart began to grow into a ravenous mouth. I knew I needed something but I wasn’t sure what. I looked into a career change. I talked to C about getting another dog - a puppy. I even hinted at the idea that maybe I was experiencing baby fever. I knew we weren’t ready for a child, but I had to be honest with him about how I felt. As time went on, this intense feeling of need began to get physically painful. There were times where I felt like a planet without a core and I was crumbling in on myself. There was something huge missing inside me and all I knew was that it had something to do with love. I needed something to nurture and needed to feel nurtured, but I didn’t know what to do with it. 

At this same time, a woman at work, in a different group approached me for a job in her department. I would be working under a different person on her team, but her and I clicked well and the group she was part of, was a company I had always dreamed of working for, so I was hopeful that maybe this change would help solve my intensely sinking feeling. 

2016

This was a major year - one of the most difficult that I’ve ever experienced. My mother ended up attempting suicide twice. 

Both times, I visited her in the hospital. The second time, I asked her to promise me that she wouldn’t end up there again. When she said “I’ll try.” I wanted to scream at her because I wanted something more substantial, more real and reassuring that she wouldn’t do it again.

But, I know how it is. I used to be suicidal, too. I was anorexic for 3 years growing up, but that knowledge only hurt me more because she saw how much my actions hurt her. Now, she was hurting me and my brothers. It was hard for me to comprehend at the time that she couldn’t even consider that, but I understand now. She was just feeling hopeless. She wasn’t doing it with the intention of hurting anyone. She was doing it with the intention of escaping the bad feelings and the harsh reality she was experiencing - that’s all. 

At the same time, I was planning a wedding with C. As a stereotypical guy, C wasn’t super involved. He was making a good bit more than me, but because the wedding is for the woman (or whatever they say), I paid for most of it. 

At work, I was becoming closer and closer with the woman who recommended me for my new position. I’ll call her “A.” A was amazing. She quickly became one of my best friends. I could talk to her about anything and everything. I talked to her about my parents’ divorce and my mom’s attempted suicides.

I talked to her about a conversation I had with my mom after the second attempt, when I decided that my mom and I should be honest with each other about everything. I told A what I said to my mother, that I felt like she was in constant competition with me. I told A what my mother said in response, that she felt like *I* was competing against *her.* I told A my response, too - that, if I had a daughter, I would want her to be better than me and I wouldn’t try and hold her back for fear of “competition.” A hugged me a lot and cried with me many times. 

A was a wonderful confidant. She would listen to me. She would ask me what I needed to feel better and she would do just that. 

This same year, I contracted pneumonia after numerous expensive urgent care visits. All they could say was that I was coughing a lot and it appeared to be some sort of respiratory infection, but when I was prescribed an inhaler and still couldn’t breathe, it was obviously something more serious. One night, it got so bad, that my heart rate skyrocketed. I couldn’t breathe and my heart was pounding from all the failed inhaler attempts. C called an ambulance and I was whisked away, forced to stay in the hospital for 3 days. The doctor told me later that they were about to put me in the ICU - if they hadn’t have been able to get my heart rate down in the knick of time. 

When I came back to work, A decided I should work under her team - which was just her. 

We started having weekly pow-wows where we would talk about what we would say to our VP to convince him to have HR make the change. We fought against the machine, in our heads. We were standing up to the patriarchy, in our imaginations. I felt more supported than I ever had in my life. Never before had anyone ever fought so hard for me. Finally, the sinking feeling in my chest and in my soul began to lift. A was slowly solidifying the emptiness I’d felt so viscerally just months before I met her.

I talked to C about A all the time. She was my best friend and after months of fighting, she became my boss.

C and I got married that April. Our wedding was very relaxed and fun. I walked down the aisle to a song called “I Like Giants” by Kimya Dawson - because I thought it would be funny and the tune was lively and happy-sounding. 

I didn’t want a stuffy, conventional wedding and C and I accomplished that pretty well. However, looking back now, the song is kind of a funny tip-off to the events that would unfold. I like Giants. Especially girl giants.

C and I went on our honeymoon to Maine in May and then came back as husband and wife, back to normal life.

That July, A and I and the rest of our team went on a work trip to California. We would be gone for a week on the other side of the country. C was excited for me and I was nervous.

While there, I didn’t see A much. I was mostly restricted to working from the hotel and then worked on the floor another couple of days. 

One day, though, I got a text from my mom that a terrorist attack had occurred in Germany, in the same town that my dad and brothers were staying. I panicked. She tried to call them, but didn’t hear anything. I called and texted my brothers - nothing. The whole world starting to feel unstable as if a global earthquake was happening and I had nowhere to hide. 

Finally, I got a text from my youngest brother later that day. The attack had occurred right by their hotel. The attacker was still on the loose, but they were safe. They were on lock-down, restricted to their room. 

I texted both C and A about what happened. I needed someone to talk to, to confide in and be comforted by. Both texted me back and A asked me to meet her at the bar immediately.

I went to the bar and she was already buzzed. She gave me a big hug and asked how I was doing. On the way to the bar, my brother texted me and let me know that the attacker was found. They shot him and though everyone was shaken, they were now safe.

I told her the news and we were both relieved, but still anxious by the possibility that it could have been much worse. A got close to me and put her hand on her chest, then on mine and said “from my heart chakra to yours”, as if transferring loving energy from her heart to mine. 

I teared up and she gave me a hug. I didn’t feel like being out, so I thanked her and said goodbye - that I was going back to my hotel. She said “goodbye” and hugged me again, then found me as I was walking to the door and hugged me once more. 

The next day was the last day we’d be in California. We had a big department-wide dinner at a restaurant overlooking the ocean. A and I sat across from each other by the window and admired the gentle, rhythmic motion of the waves in the darkness. 

We talked about psychic abilities and energy. We talked about tarot readings and meditation. We talked about the afterlife. All things that C was not interested in. (C believed that when we died, that was it. I respect his beliefs, but they’re not my own). 

At one point, A exclaimed that she was bisexual. She told this as part of a story, but I got a strange feeling that she was telling me specifically. I never knew anyone who wasn’t conventionally heterosexual. But, then again, I didn’t know many people and had only a handful of friends aside from A.

I was also homeschooled from 2nd to 10th grade, so I missed out on a lot of things - including different types of people. 

At the end of dinner, we all piled into two cabs. A and I got into the same cab and sat beside each other in the backseat. We were both pretty buzzed at this point and for some reason, got on the topic of love. (I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised because any time I’m drunk, this is usually the first topic I discuss). 

We talked about how same sex marriage should’ve always been okay. We talked about how anyone who loves each other should be together - how they shouldn’t be legally banned from each other. We talked about Cocorosie, the band, and how she didn’t know anyone else besides me who liked them - but she was a big fan.

We got to my hotel first. We said goodbye and she wrapped her arm around me in a hug... and kissed me on the neck. 

In that small moment. In that 2 seconds of my life, everything changed. Like a match was struck in the pitch black darkness and suddenly, there was light. 

I went to my room and immediately called C. I told him what happened. I said it was probably nothing, but I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did. Even if the kiss was nothing but friendly, there was a part of me that wanted it to be more. I was at a loss - both giddy and scared. C was at his parents’ cabin for the week and was very excited about what I was feeling. He asked me to tell him exactly how I felt and exactly what she did. I gave him context. I told him about the bisexual comment. I told him about how she looked me in the eyes whenever we talked like she was shuffling through my soul. I thought this was just what real friendship looked like between two women, but the kiss somehow made it different. Even if she was just drunk and meant it as a friend. Somehow this was a catalyst to the biggest change in my life.

This was just the summer of 2016. After this moment, I looked at A in a different light. I was determined to find out what she meant by the kiss - and I was inspired (yet cautious) to figure out what I wanted her to mean by it.

I became obsessed. 

I started writing her little notes and leaving them at her desk for her to find in the mornings. I started listening to her conversations or “feeling her energy” as she sat in the cubicle next to mine. If ever I got a sense that she was having a hard time or a bad day, I would immediately do everything I could to rectify it. 

We messaged each other constantly. We had two 1-on-1s a week with the intention to talk about work, but it never actually panned out that way. Instead, we’d meet at coffee shops or book conference rooms and talk about life for 2 hours. It was wonderful. 

During meetings, her and I would lock eyes and time would stop. I felt like she would bring me up at any chance she got. Whenever she would talk she’d say, “[T] does that, too” or bring me into the conversation in some way or another. She would touch me a lot, too. She’d rub my arm or put her hand on my shoulder. She’d make plans for both of us as if we were one unit. She would say things like “we should go home and take a nap.” As if we lived together. 

After work, we would always walk together. She would look over the cubicle wall and say “pack yo’ shit.” And we would walk to our cars. Sometimes, she’d forget to hug me ‘goodbye’ because she was in a rush and I’d look sad or say “I need a hug though!” and she’d give me one. Sometimes, she would be having an especially difficult day and she would give me long, tight hugs and rub my back and speak into my ear. 

At home, C would ask me how my investigation was going. He would ask me to tell him what I would do to A if given the chance, but I was shy. I wanted to kiss her, but I didn’t know what else. I felt like a 9 year-old boy who stumbled upon a porn magazine for the first time, exclaiming “wow, I really wish I could hold her hand.” 

It felt good to get so much support from C because he was pushing me. He wanted me to explore my feelings. But, there was a part of me that resisted because I was afraid of where it would lead me. Maybe I was bisexual, but maybe I was beyond that. Whatever it was, I wasn’t straight and that scared me because there was a possibility that my investigation could lead me to a painful conclusion - the truth.

2017

By 2017, it was pretty evident that the tide was turning. I started therapy to talk about my “issue.” She encouraged me, like C, to figure out why I felt the way I did about A. Was it just A or was it all women?

The more I got comfortable with the idea of A, the less I was attracted to C. It got to the point where I really didn’t want to do anything with him. I became disgusted with the idea of it. I never really saw men as attractive, but I always assumed that that’s how all women felt. There’s nothing wrong with them, but they don’t have those beautiful, elegant feminine curves or the delicate step that women do. I felt awful. I saw how much it hurt C to not be wanted anymore. I told him it wasn’t his fault. I told him he was doing nothing wrong - that the issue was inside me. 

It didn’t make anything better. 

I admitted to A that I was questioning my sexuality and she wasn’t surprised. She had (and has) a boyfriend, too. But they’re both bisexual, so she understood where I was coming from. I didn’t tell her she was the reason for it, but I think she knew even then that she was. 

She was a huge support for me, along with my therapist, and, unwittingly, C. 

C and I talked about ways to find out for sure. I was honest with him about everything. The therapist encouraged me to talk to C about what he would be okay with me doing - to find out if I was bi or gay or just confused. We decided that I should go out with a girl that I liked and see how it felt. I texted a friend of mine from high school. She was a girl that I, looking back, also had a crush on. At the time I met her, I just thought she was super cool and I wanted to spend a lot of time with her. 

C admitted that she was really cute, too. He was supportive and was excited for me as I asked her out. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding. Life is weird. 

She knew that I was questioning and she wanted to help me out, too. I told her that C knew and that I talked to him about it and we both agreed that it would be the best way to find out. I told her that I really did have a crush on her, too. I wasn’t just using her for this. She (I’ll call her “L”) is a very kind person, full of nothing but love and light, so she found nothing wrong with this. 

The first time L and I went out was during a big football game. C had his family over. I got dressed up and said goodbye to them. It was the first time I would miss a football game with them - because I had a date with a girl. His family was confused about why I was leaving and C told them I was supposed to hang out with a friend.

L and I went to a restaurant and laughed about how awkward we both were. It was exhilarating, but also nerve-wracking. I was married. I knew it wasn’t cheating if C knew what I was doing (and encouraged me to do so), but it still felt weird. I pushed through, though. 

L and I went back to my house, so she could get her car. We hugged and said our goodbyes, the way we had done so many times as friends, but this time, she shyly put her hands on my face and kissed my forehead. When she stepped back, I grabbed her, pulled her in, and kissed her on the lips. 

This was the first time I ever kissed a girl. She blushed immediately and laughed and said my name, giggling, calling me cute. I felt like the spark that had started in me was now an inferno. 

I felt truth. 

Her and I said goodbye and she went back to her car.

I walked inside and C’s family was still there. I felt myself beaming from the inside out. I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. A part of me, looking back, was glad that L didn’t wear lipstick because it would’ve given me away.

When I saw C’s face, though, my heart dropped. 

When his family left, I told him exactly what happened. He nodded, understanding. He asked what I thought and how I felt. 

I told him the truth - or what I felt was my truth. I told him that I’m a lesbian. 

As I said the word, I felt like I had shot us both in the heart. I knew that I had only kissed L, but there was something in me that already knew before that kiss that I was who I am. 

He put his head in his hands and we both began to cry because we knew that it was the end. 

I moved out the next weekend to live with my mom. I spent two days with her, then moved in with my dad. 

I spent a couple weeks with him, then moved to a new apartment down the street from him. I picked the place mostly because it had a lot of windows and a covered porch that looked out into the woods and a tiny little stream. 

At this point, I was dead broke. I was broke from the pneumonia and the medical bills associated. I was broke from the wedding... and the up front costs of the apartment pushed me over the edge and into debt. 

I didn’t ask for anything in the divorce. I didn’t request alimony and I barely took what was mine. I wanted to travel light and I already felt bad enough about the circumstances that I didn’t want to put any additional, undue hurt on C. I never meant to hurt him and, in the end, he was supportive of me and my decision, but we both still left with heartache. 

When I came out to my therapist, she welcomed me with open arms and admitted that she was also a lesbian. She gave me a list of movies and TV shows to watch as if they were a welcome packet as I stepped into a foreign land. 

When I came out to my friends and family, they were a bit surprised (moreso than I thought they would be considering I was always a tomboy, didn’t like to wear dresses and named everything I owned “Tegan” from T&S), but very supportive. 

I know not everyone has this same experience, so I am grateful. I did, however, lose some friends. 

I lost one friend who thought she would be okay with it, but since she was another one of my bridesmaids, she had a hard time grappling with the fact that she had just stood next to me in my wedding to a man and was now asked to be okay with me wanting to date women less than a year later. I understood where she was coming from, but it still hurt.

The other friend I lost was L. I thought we were amazing together. She was adorable and kind and artistic. There was an innocence and a lightness to her that I’ve never seen in another human being. We went to two psychics together and both told us that we were soulmates. 

I told this to A and she said, “yeah but a soulmate could just be a friend. It doesn’t have to be a romantic thing”, which I thought was odd. 

The same day, (which happened to be International Women’s Day), I was helping A with something physical at work. We were taping something to a wall and when I needed the tape, she put it between her legs and said to me, “come on, it’s international women’s day, fool around with me.” 

Never before had she been so forward with me. There was one time she was having a particularly bad day at work, so I left her a little present at her desk and she thanked me by coming around to my desk and slowly, seductively (I thought, at least) blew me a kiss. But, that was it. 

Now she was forward with me. Now, when I had already moved on (A had and has a boyfriend and I didn’t want to interfere, so I forced myself to look elsewhere)... she decided to make it obvious. I brushed it off with a joke and said “if you want me to get fired, you can just fire me ‘cuz you’re my boss. You don’t have to make it a sexual assault thing.” 

I fell in love with L - and that was my downfall. 

I told her in a text message because I was drunk - and she didn’t say it back. I knew that was trouble, and it was. When I asked her if she wanted us to be official (I told her and we weren’t even OFFICIAL!??), she said she’d have to think about it. She told me she felt weird about it. She wasn’t ready. 

I was in a weird spot now. Alone in my apartment that I could barely afford, trying to make ends meet. I had lost an entire second family in the divorce. But, thank god I still had my own and I still had A.

L and I never slept together and I knew that was going to be an important milestone for me. A part of me was worried that I wouldn’t like sex with a woman and that I’d thrown away my marriage on a hunch without any real proof. What if I had thrown away an entire lifetime of what could’ve been - for a brief glimpse of who I thought I was?

I got on tinder and met a really sweet girl, I’ll call H. H was super cute and fiery. She was open and honest with me and went out of her way for me. I wish, looking back, that I could have appreciated her more. But, I met her in a weird spot in my life where I just didn’t care much about anything at all. Nothing really seemed to matter when I met H and I still regret that I couldn’t have met her at a better time, but everything happens for a reason.

I only went out with H a couple times, but each time, we slept together. She brought her fiery-self into the bedroom. There was an intensity to her that was breath-taking. The first time she stayed over, she asked me a few times if I was sure because she knew about my past, and I said “yes.” 

My first time with a woman was so drastically different from my first time with a man. The man didn’t ask because he didn’t even know he was my first. He just did and when it was over, I remember thinking “that’s it?” And when it was happening, I remembered thinking “it’s happening.” But, that’s all.

With H, she asked me first. She had already shared something with me that made her cry and I held her and said it was okay. We already shared something emotional together before we did anything and she asked me and she knew my backstory and I knew hers before anything happened. 

While it was happening was also drastically different. I felt the way I imagine reborn Christians must feel when they think they’ve found Jesus. I felt like a house with all the lights on for the first time. I felt like I had taken my first breath of fresh air in 26 years, like all the planets had aligned into a path that led me home. Even now, over a year later, I wish I could write poetry well enough to describe that moment when we both came at the same time. 

I had never felt that before and seeing her body was orgasmic in itself. I was finally letting myself see a body that I found beautiful without pretense. It was as if I had taken the gloves off and allowed myself to truly feel the silk smoothness of a satin gown - something I could have only previously imagined, but always refrained myself from trying. 

So yes, I thought, I am definitely a lesbian. I suddenly couldn’t imagine it any other way.

I was honest with H, like she was with me. I told her about my past and that I was on tinder still and that I was talking to a few people. I didn’t sleep with anyone else, but I wanted to be honest and let her know that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. She was a little hurt, but understood. 

One of these other people was someone I’ll call, “G.” G was dark and mysterious. She was artistic and strange. I wanted to solve her puzzle, uncover her darkness, and de-mystify the secrets of her universe. While talking to H, I was continuously drawn toward G like a planet toward the sun. 

The 2nd time I hung out with H said my goodbye to her in the morning, G texted me and asked if I could pick her up. Her mother had taken her to the city and she didn’t want to go home. I went to meet her. I heard her voice for the first time as we frantically tried to find each other at Piedmont Park. She was frustrated, but her southern drawl melted me. 

We met up at a little restaurant and got drinks. She told me stories about her childhood. She told me how she got her head stuck in the bleachers in middle school. She told me how she didn’t like her father. She told me stories about her “ma” - all through anxious impulse because I wasn’t talking. I just wanted to listen to what would come out next. 

After dinner, we decided to go back to my place so she could stay the night and I’d take her home the next morning. She sheepishly asked if I could take her to Wal-Mart first for some shorts she could sleep in and we milled around the men’s section for awhile before she settled on a pair and then went to my apartment. 

With G, I was awkward. I wasn’t sure if she liked me or not. With H, it was obvious because she would touch me, put her arms around me, ask if I want to cuddle, and then breathe heavy in my ear as she held me as if trying hard to restrain herself. With G, we sat on separate couches. I was not confident enough to make the first move and G didn’t try anything. We ended up watching Broad City until the sun was about to rise and then decided to go to bed.

I was awkward with this, too because I didn’t know if she wanted to sleep in the bed with me or not. She bought clothes at the store, so she was obviously not planning on sleeping naked. But, she still got in the bed with me. We started making out, but she stopped me and called me “dangerous” and a bad influence. And we fell asleep, doing nothing but lying beside one another.

The next day, I took her home and she looked at me the whole way back, the way no one has ever looked at me before. There was an adoration in her eyes I had never seen, like she was beaming, radiating love. 

I told H and she didn’t take it very well. I can understand that, though. 

G and I started seeing each other more and more, but we never slept together. I respected her though and let her take her time. 

About a month into us dating, I asked if she wanted to be official and she said “yes”, but not like that. She said “Yeah, I’ll be your bitch.” Which as an awkward person, was weird for someone to tell me, but G has her own way of doing things.

G bought me tickets to go skydiving for my birthday and I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I didn’t.

Thank god, we survived so I could tell her later.

At work, I had pretty much totally gotten over A. But, there were bigger issues at hand. A and I’s jobs depended on a social media site that the company we worked for suddenly deemed unimportant. There was blood in the water. The writing was on the wall: we were going to lose our jobs. 

I was already broke and I already lived in a spot which didn’t have too many job opportunities in my field. And I was already in debt.

That summer, we went to California for two weeks - the last big thing A and I did as part of our jobs. 

While there, I wrote G a letter every day and mailed it to her. Sometimes I sprayed the paper with perfume and sometimes I pressed jasmine flowers between the paper folds for her.

While there, I also confessed to A that I “used to” like her. She didn’t say it back. She said “I kinda always knew, but it feels good to hear you validate it.” 

I didn’t and still don’t know how to take that except that maybe she was just trying to see what her advances would do. Maybe she was just being friendly after all and when I took it too far, she only continued for the attention. Maybe she liked me back, but she wasn’t ready to admit it.

I don’t know how to take it because we were drunk and I was telling her about past lives. I told her that I thought in one life, I was her stable boy (lol) and she was a Queen. She wasn’t supposed to be with me, but her and I liked each other because I was kind to her and she liked how I treated her horses (I was drunk, ok?). She asked me if she thought that maybe in another life, we were supposed to be together and I said “yes.” 

While I was in California, my brother, who was caring for my apartment at home told me that it had flooded. Apparently, the upstairs unit had flooded and the water came in through the ceiling and caused a great deal of damage to their unit and mine.

When I came back, my home reeked of mold. The carpet in the bedroom was stiff and the air was thick and hard to breathe. I battled with the landlord almost every day, trying to clean up the mold and make the space feel inhabitable. 

About a month after A and I came back from California, I was offered a job there at an exciting company that I was always a fan of. 

I told G about it. A was conflicted because G and I had only been dating a couple months and moving together across the country was a huge step.

But, I’m stereotypical so we loaded up the U-HAUL (or whatever company we decided to go with) and then G and I jumped into my little sedan with my dog and her cat and whatever little knick-knacks we could fit, and drove across the country together - broke, in love, and hopeful. 

When I left my old apartment, I knew I would be breaking the lease, so I used the mold as leverage. Unfortunately, they didn’t buy it. Instead, they charged me more - $1295 as opposed to the regular $1095 I used to pay per month because the industrial fan they put in the bedroom to dry out the carpet ran up my electricity bill. I refused to pay it on the grounds that it was unfair and unlawful (and because my dad, A, and G all told me not to) - and took off. 

When we got to California after 3 days of driving, G and I had no idea what to expect. We had blindly picked an apartment in our price range without any notion of what the area would be like or what the commute would entail - so we chose a place in San Bernardino, almost 70 miles from my new job in Hollywood. Apparently there was a reason this apartment was reasonably priced. 

Stepping into the apartment for the first time was depressing - and eye-opening to how different California would be from Georgia. It was well-worn, the cabinets were loosely placed, the carpet was off-colored, the lighting was dim, and there was no fridge. This was far from the apartment I’d left in Duluth with the wood laminate floors, the giant windows, the wooded view, the upgraded appliances - but this was California. 

But, we made the most of it.

G spent most of her time looking for a job and I spent most of mine either driving to work, from work, or at work. It took me roughly 2 1/2-3 hours one way to get to my job. When G was able to find a job, she didn’t have a car, so I would drive her every morning and drop her off on the way to mine. I was waking up at 4:30am, taking her to her job, getting to mine at 8am, working till around 7pm and coming home at 10pm, going straight to bed and going through these same motions every single week day.

I was miserable. 

Then, three months into my job, my entire department was called in to a meeting. Without warning, we were instructed by a teary-eyed HR rep that that day would be our last with the company. Our entire 100+ person team was being laid off. 

At this point, the amount that I owed the old apartment was put into collections because the lawyer I had hired via the company I worked with was not answering his emails. I paid him $250 for his services - he had agreed with me that it was unlawful for the apartment to ask for the amount they were requesting because they not only violated their contract, but also health codes - but it took him over a month to write the letter, and because of that, I now had a negative mark on my credit report. 

And I didn’t have a job.

And I was on the other side of the country from everyone I knew.

And I was still broke. 

I spent every day applying for jobs in my field. I would drive G to work and then set up at a coffee shop and just apply for jobs and write cover letters until it was time to pick her up.

I was driving myself insane and I was becoming resentful, trapped in a constant loop of trying to do something for someone else. I couldn’t afford to do anything and was afraid to spend too much time on me for fear that I wouldn’t pick G up in time, that I might make her wait too long. I was afraid to spend a day not applying for jobs because I felt useless otherwise, that I was wasting my time or not trying hard enough. 

After months of applying and only a handful of interviews, I finally landed a job. It paid less than my previous one, but it was something and I was grateful to be getting regular paychecks.

But, this new job was insane. I was working 11-12 hours a day, plus still taking G to work in the mornings. I was driving 2-3 hours one way or up to 6 hours every day to/from San Bernardino. I felt my sanity slip. 

G and I no longer connected the way we used to. I was resentful, quiet. I just wanted to sleep and be left alone. She began to lash out with sarcasm and biting words that stung me and I shrugged off like bees (even though I held onto the little stingers as fodder for future arguments). 

I began to regret bringing her with me. Even though she paid half the rent, I began to fantasize what life would be like, living as a roommate with a total stranger closer to work. 

I talked to A and another friend back east about our problems. At one point, G had mentioned hanging out with some other girls and then made excuses about why we couldn’t all hang out together, when I suggested it. At another point, our relationship status was no longer visible on her Facebook profile and I lost it. It sounds so petty looking back, but we were on such thin ice that something as small as a twig could’ve broken it.

2018

The straw that broke the camel’s back was my dog. My dog has been with me through everything. I adopted her when I was with C, as a puppy. I raised her. Never before had I had a dog so loving as her, so emotional as Lolo. I treat Lolo like I would a child and I would give my life for hers. 

One day, not long after Valentine’s Day, G had left a box of chocolates on the floor. Lolo had found it. It was a weekend, so thankfully, I wasn’t working - but it was one of those rare days when G had to do so on a Saturday.

I remember stepping out of the shower and seeing Lolo (happily) lapping up the last little bit of chocolate in the box. 

I immediately texted G and asked how many chocolates were in it - did she remember how many she ate? I told her Lolo ate them and I needed to know roughly how much and if it was dark or milk chocolate so I could tell the vet.

G was defensive. She didn’t know, she said. She was also not worried about it, but I was. If you don’t know, chocolate is toxic to dogs - dark chocolate, in particular. And Lolo is a medium-sized dog, so it wouldn’t take too many chocolates to paralyze or even kill her. 

I called the vet and rushed her to an emergency vet as quickly as I could. I remember the bill was roughly $600. They had to pump her stomach and kept her in observation overnight. The woman at the counter asked me how she ate so much chocolate and I told her that my “roommate” had accidentally left a Valentine’s gift on the floor. The woman asked if my “roommate” was going to help me pay and I, teary-eyed and broke, said “no.”

G didn’t help me pay for the vet bill. She apologized, though, and when she came home, she had picked me up a bouquet of flowers and a stuffed animal bunny.

I had enough, though. I told her it was over. 

But, we had gone through this before. I had tried breaking up with G in the past. I had gotten pretty far, I thought, but G always roped me back in.

This time, I was resolute. G told me that I didn’t really want to break up. She told me that I was just stressed and I needed “help.” A part of me believed her, but the rest of me knew that it was gas lighting (and my therapist, A, and another friend said the same). G told me I needed drugs. That I only wanted to break up because of all the stress I was going through, that I didn’t get enough sleep.

But, I was done.

G and I broke up for a week. 

I reached out to everyone I knew for advice, but I didn’t know anyone. I had Lolo with me and no one could take in a dog. I wasn’t going to get rid of my child - as dramatic as that sounds. Lolo was the only thing I felt I had left - and thank god, I still had her.

I finally found a potential roommate on Facebook - another girl who was also looking for an apartment, ASAP, in the same areas that I was looking in, with the same price range. It seemed perfect. The girl was very nice and seemed easy to get along with, so I was hopeful. 

Every night, though, I had to come back to the apartment in San Bernardino, to the same girl I had fallen in love with and had moved across the country with. The girl I had asked to uproot her life to be with me. She would sit, balled up on the floor, and cry when she found something small and seemingly insignificant - a sock I gave her for Christmas, a little post-it I had put in her bag on her first day of work. It tore me to pieces to see her like that and I thought about how I had to see C like that just over a year prior. I felt like a monster going through peoples’ lives, tearing them apart. 

G wanted me to continue sleeping in the bed with her, so I did, thinking that maybe it would help her somehow, like a small token of kindness. 

G resolved to change, though. She decided I shouldn’t be driving her to work every day (which I was too stubborn to admit until everything fell apart). She bought a car the same day that we had split, but she didn’t just buy a car, she bought a Camaro. Which, told me that she had at least enough to buy a Honda Civic before any of this even happened. You know, something to just get her from A to B. I was enraged. Especially, because she asked me to drive her 2 hours to go get it from Hemet. To me, this just solidified my decision to leave.

But, as the week grew on, I became less resolute. Seeing her break down. Hearing her talk to her mother on the phone about how hard it would be. I decided she should take the San Bernardino apartment. It was closer to her work than it was to mine anyway and I didn’t want to put her in a bind. We met with the landlord and had them replace her name with mine on the lease.

Meanwhile, I met with my potential roommate a few times to tour various apartments in North Hollywood. We settled on a place and put in our applications. That same night, the money I owed the previous apartment finally showed up on my credit score (previously it didn’t affect anything except that debtors were calling me every day). 

Needless to say, we didn’t get the apartment. I felt like shit. I warned the girl about what might happen, but since it wasn’t on my report, I was hopeful. I didn’t want to ruin her chances of getting a place, so I pulled out of the deal - hoping she could find someone else and have a better chance getting the next apartment she applied for.  

But now, I had no options and the landlord at the San Bernardino apartment had told G that I needed to leave because I was legally not allowed to stay in the apartment anymore since I was no longer on the lease. 

So, here I was - facing homelessness in an unfamiliar city on the other side of the country. 

This was, by far, the hardest week of my life. Honestly, harder than the divorce I had just gone through.

Then, I broke. 

A week after we split, I woke up next to G, who decided to test the waters and put her arm around me in the Saturday morning sunlight. I let her. My eyes welled up with tears and I put my hand on top of hers and held on tight. I scooted in closer to her after a week of sleeping on the opposite end of the bed, cold, and un-moving. It felt like heaven feeling her body once again, feeling her arms on me one more time. I felt like I had been sleeping on the cold hard ground, like I had truly been homeless - and had finally been offered solace and a soft, warm bed. 

When G and I got back together, it hurt my friendship with A. I had confided in A about my relationship with G, just like I had confided in her about everything else. She didn’t believe that I had made the right choice, knowing what she did about G (from what I told her, at least). I felt like I let the whole world down. I was both relieved to see G’s smile again and be in someone’s arms and have some semblance of solid ground - and terrified with the idea of losing my friendship with A.. and equally terrified that I had potentially only gotten back together with G because the alternative seemed too difficult or scary. 

For awhile, I was skeptical. I was skeptical about G’s newfound warmth and openness. I was skeptical about our future and about my own reasoning for staying in the relationship. But, it seemed like G had transformed overnight. She was driving herself to work every day and was much kinder in her words.

When G and I first started talking, I told her she reminded me of a burned down forest in the snow. I saw tall, sharp, black skeletons of pines jutting up from the white snow. I heard nothing but the lonely call of a raven somewhere in the distance, piercing the quiet and echoing through what once was - or could have been - a lush and lively forest. But, I told her I also saw the little buds of leaves beginning to unfurl upon branches too resolute or perhaps too stubborn to stay barren. I saw tiny tendrils of flowers and the bright green spikes of springtime grass in little clumps piercing through the ice. I think when most people saw her, they saw the harsh coldness and the spiky, almost dangerous hint of death and destruction. But, I was looking for those little signs of life and love and I wanted to help them grow.

Over the course of our relationship, G proved that initial metaphor to be true. She had experienced a lot in her 26 year relationship - from the deaths of past lovers to trauma and neglect to drug use and even an attempted murder that left her in the hospital and caused her to drop out of college. The world forced G to be cold, to build a shell around herself - but I saw the little flecks in her armor where the light shined through and I only wanted to help nurture those vulnerabilities. 

When we got back together, she had taken off quite a bit of her shell. She was more affectionate, but also more determined. We decided that we needed to live closer to Los Angeles (where I worked) and she spent a good deal of time looking for apartments. When we finally settled on a town, we went on several tours together on the weekends, but since she got off work earlier in the day that I do during the week, she took the initiative to go any time and anywhere she could in the hopes that it would find us something sooner.

She found an adorable little place and we both fell in love with the town, the apartment, and with each other all over again. 

Not everything is perfect now, but we are making it work. 

TL;DR -

If you are going through a lot right now, just know that it WILL get better. The thing is, is that you can't just wait for it to get better. You have to make it so. 

I have 2 other friends who went through divorce - with drastically different experiences. One met the love of her life while married to the “wrong” man and ended up getting pregnant just months after leaving her ex. She runs a school now (her dream) and has a beautiful little family and an adorable apartment that she shares with a man who shares the same dreams and passions that she does.

The other was married to the wrong woman and was married too young. After her divorce, she began to pursue her passions - she now works for the city and cares for the trees, does graphic design, is working on her music, going back to school to finish her degree, and is having a great time doing the things she enjoys most of all. 

Obviously, I’m not saying that divorce is the solution to all life’s problems. I’m just saying that sometimes life sucks and sometimes it sucks for a long-ass time. I’m still broke. Every time I think I’m able to save money, California says I owe them $800 or my car decides it needs $600 or my dog reminds me that vet bills are never less than a couple hundred... but it’s all just a process.

And in any case, I believe in you :) You can do it. Just don’t give up :) 

#my life #gay life #blogger #blooming #becomeatiger #inspiration