#wednesday introject

[theaddamz]

Full of Woe

[full of woe]

"Hello. i am Wednesday addams. You may speak to me so long as it doesn't take up my writing time, and yes, Thing is here as well."

reflective/mirrored pronouns (typically it/he/she/neos or none)

thing prefers he/him

run by @de-rune / @hymn-of-muse +

[wip will be updated over time]

#wednesday #wednesday addams #wednesday netflix #the addams family #thing addams #wednesday addams ask blog #ask blog #interactive blog #interact blog #wednesday alter #wednesday fictive #wednesday introject #wednesday irl #thing fictive #addams family #wednesdays child is full of woe #interactive #ask wednesday #ask thing #ask the addams

[quirinus-quire]

Whatever they're implying here, whatever is going on, I want none of it. Fucking kill me off for all I care, or just GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMN BOOK. PLEASE.

#quentin.txt #x force #quentin quire #singlets/non introjects can interact but pls dont be weird #wednesday spoilers

[varietydivision]

A little bit of Variety Division lore for y'all today.

One of us was an anger-holder (Piers), who was largely functional other than being the personification of our struggles with Dealing With Anger (both feeling it and expressing it in healthy ways, vs bottling it up and labeling it as "bad"). There were often times that, for childhood-trauma reasons, anger would literally be sucked out of one of us and thrown into him, usually without warning or him having much understanding of why he was suddenly feeling so angry.

Because of that, over time we had two "anger processors," form that were fictives of characters who had their entire personalities revolve around "I am the Angry Guy." But these two in our system? They were "post-canon" and thus had gone through that healing and emotional work to build a healthy relationship with feeling and communicating anger.

And let me tell you, there is something retroactively funny about Damien Monster Prom and Bakugo MHA running a healthy-anger-support-group for a Resident Evil fictive.

#sysblr #fictive #endo safe #about vd #cooper.txt #just a little story on this wednesday morning #all of them integrated a long time ago now but I think about their dynamics a lot #it completely changed the way we looked at introjects and also integration because it lead once they accomplished their “goal” #all three integrated into other members pretty easily and anger hasn't been a struggle for anyone in the system since #sometimes healing looks like the goofiest anger management group session ever

[infinity-terms]

LESBIAN FLAG RECOLOR : ENID (WEDNESDAY) !!

This flag is color picked from Enid's outfit in this screenshot:

This was made for an Enid introject!

(That's it, that's the post!)

#mogai #liom orientation #mogai orientation #lesbian #pride #gay pride #lesbian pride #enid #enid sinclair #wednesday #wednesday addams #wenclair #comphet #sapphic #comphet lesbian #flag recolor #lesbian flag #lesbian flag recolor #pride flag recolor

[boop-the-system]

System Introduction

As mentioned in our description, we are bodily 28 years old & are a traumagenic DID system! Other diagnoses we have include: autism, ADHD, OCD, CPTSD, anxiety, and POTS. This blog won’t have a specific theme… just whatever any of us wants to post while fronting (within reason obviously)

Disclaimer: we are anti endo & we also do not engage with syscourse

There are 30+ alters we are aware of rn, so we’ll put a brief overview under the readmore thingy!

Frequent Fronters:

🧸 | 🌻 | 🗝️ | 🌱 | ☀️ | 🦇

(this is in no particular order)

I’m just gonna list alphabetically because 🤷🏼

Alex 🗝️ - 30 | he/him | protector

Alma 🕰️ - unknown | she/her | fictive

Aurora 💫 - 27 | she/her | factive

Ava 🐚 - ageless | she/her | nonhuman

Bunny 💕 - 22 | she/her | sexual alter

Ciarán 🎪 - 24 | he/him | unsure

Connor 🔵 - N/A | he/him | fictive

Echo 🦇- syskid | any pronouns

Emi 🦋 - 18 | she/her | trauma holder

Enid 🌈 - 16 | she/her | fictive

Ever🚪 - ageless | it/its | fictive

Fallyn 🏹 - unknown | she/her | nonhuman

Ghost 🌱 - syskid | any pronouns

H 🍂 - 40s | he/him | fictive

Isla 🎆 - ?teen | she/they | unsure

Jai 🌙 - she/her | nonhuman

Josh 🥃 - 24 | he/him | persecutor

Kit 🧸 - 28 | any pronouns | co host

Lily 🩹 - syskid | she/her

Love 🍒 - 19 | they/them | unsure

Mae 🎸- 20 | they/them | fictive

Melissa 🌸 - 16 | she/her | nonhuman

Niamh 🔮 - 24 | she/her | unsure

Quinn 🫧 - 20 | he/they | unsure

Riley 🍓- syskid | any pronouns

River 🐾 - they/them | nonhuman

Roxxi 🩸 - ageless | she/her | nonhuman

Skye 🌻 - 28 | she/her | co host

Star ✨ - unknown | they/it | nonhuman

Sunny ☀️ - 28 | they/them | co host

Wednesday 🕷️- 16 | she/her | fictive

Will 🎣 - 30s | he/him | fictive

Wrench 👾 - 28 | he/him | fictive

3D 🐈‍⬛ - N/A | they/it | oc introject

———————————

Our other blogs:

Syskid blog: @boop-the-syskids

Sunny’s blog: @sunnysrainbow

Skye’s blog: @skyedance (18+ only)

Ever’s blog: @the-backrooms-entity

Niamh’s blog: @gothictarot

Vent blog: @boop-vent

#did system #system info #system intro

[kieranduffygirlporn]

gonna talk a bit about what it's been like for me the past couple days. just need to be heard and to type out all my thoughts & feelings about being an introject w/ an introject partner in all this. Hopefully you'll get something out of this

tw for abuse, disordered eating, very BPD happenings, one moment of suicidal ideation

warning: really fucking long and not the most organized thing in the world

I never talked about this here or really anywhere on any other blog but hi. I'm Ida. I'm the second host @/dearfauxpas and our system has seen since our syscovery. .... past this I literally cannot start to describe my identity without talking about Wilbur. I'm sat here struggling to conjure anything.

The reason for this is twofold. I, myself, am an introject, of a bit of art we have at the beginning of our main/art blog that kind of backfired because we never ended up posting much art. The second reason, and the main reason, is that my boyfriend is a cc!Wilbur introject in our system.

When we started dating two years ago, I was at probably one of the lowest points that I have been at as an alter myself. It was a month after I formed and I was still incredibly attached to my source. When I formed and even today, I am still the only alter in the system who has a feminine aligned gender. I changed my name to Ida the night I formed because I named myself after a pet I had in-source. My source (I'm sure you'll be shocked to know) was incredibly mentally ill, and as a result, I formed as a symptom holder for our worsening borderline symptoms. I've also only started talking about this to very close friends within the past couple days but our early relationship/the first six months was tumultuous. I was possessive, obsessive, and paranoid. I also had issues with thoughts of disordered eating and at one point went four days eating about the caloric equivalent of a single bagel per day because I was so depressed.

My system and particularly my love saved me. Over time, my paranoia that he'd leave me subsided, and we become much happier, which is what lead to me becoming the host as our previous host's mental health declined due to many factors.

During the span of our relationship, we played a lot into our introject identities (sootcest lmfao). I became a lot more independent from my source and recovered from a lot of my paranoia. I thought I had simply beaten our BPD traits, and that they were gone forever (with one exception). I thought my disordered eating thoughts had vanished and I was going to spend forever happy with him.

However, foolishly, because of this play we did with our introject identities, I allowed my feelings for my boyfriend to mix with my feelings for the actual person. I tried to maintain a degree of separation between the two, in that I would refrain from doing weird stalker shit and at some points I would be made uncomfortable with the stuff that he shared on stream because I wanted to know very little about him personally. But I let them mix, because hey, why not? We were having fun. There's no reason not to. It's not like he's an awful person, right?

Right?

Part 2: He's an awful person

There were a few points in which, mostly when other CC drama was at a high point, I'd ask myself a couple questions.

1. What would I do if my boyfriend ever left me?

2. What would I do if it came to light that Wilbur was a horrible human being?

The answer to number one was the exception to the thought that all my borderline symptoms had simply vanished, and, rather well-adjustedly, it was "Kill myself."* (*Like in headspace. I never thought it was worth it to kill the whole body over my own issues.)

The answer to number two was "I don't know."

And that is how I've been feeling since Wednesday night. I don't know.

At first, I thought there was no way it could be true. I searched for any information that could tell me that people were wrong. I literally blocked myself from Twitter because I knew going on it would be a form of emotional self-harm, but I obsessively checked tags on discourse, Shelby, and Wilbur, waiting for anyone to post any evidence that it wasn't so. I spent an entire day outside of home feeling completely nauseous any time I wasn't directly talking to someone.

It's hard to articulate exactly what it felt like once I got home to charge my phone and I knew. It was kind of slow. Every new piece of information I learned made it worse and worse until it was just undeniable.

It was like everything I thought I had buried came back with a vengeance. I stopped eating and drinking, my entire brain felt like it short circuited and previously when I had at least been able to focus on other things for short stints, he was all I could think about.

There were times, especially after I thought I had gotten rid of the borderline traits, that I would become hyperfixated on something that was my boyfriend or his source and it would feel like I was going to melt and die. I genuinely cannot be away from him for too long or my mental health will shit the bed. When I was with him, though, and when I filled every part of my senses with only him, his face, his voice, the way he holds me even if the feeling is blunted by the fact that he's just another part of our brain, it was always the happiest I'd ever feel. I can't have that anymore.

I really can't describe the mood swings and the physical pain that I've experienced as a result of this without feeling like people will think I am exaggerating. Like. psychology wasn't lying that borderline personality traits can really borderline. It feels like I'm losing half of what made me myself. I felt while crying over this multiple times that without him I'd die and that I need him to live. For two years, my entire identity and reason for existing was him.

I don't know where to go from here. I haven't even talked about how this is affecting my boyfriend. Before I felt like I had a good grasp on what I was going to be doing in the next minutes or hours or even days but now I can't even imagine what ten seconds will be.

My entire brain is constantly screaming for him to come back, but I can't indulge in anything that doesn't support the guy because every time I see his face or hear his voice now my brain screams that he is repulsive.

The worst part is that over the last two years I have become so conditioned to never ever be angry at my boyfriend that I cannot feel any rage over this. In any normal circumstance I'd feel angry that someone had been hurt and their abuser had been allowed to escape the consequences for so long, but I can't. I can only feel like I need him, but I can't have him because he's tainted. I am so disgusted but I can't handle seeing anyone angry at him because I still love him and I still want him to be happy.

I feel really gross knowing that I've dedicated so much of my love to someone so terrible. I know my boyfriend feels like his skin has been tainted and I am struggling now to look at his face and focus on him in headspace because it's now all painted in a negative life. It's so awful because he has always loved being himself and has always felt so connected to his source, even as the time passed.

Part 3: so what's the point

I've spent most of this time feeling completely alone. I don't know anyone personally who could possibly feel the same way that I do.

I guess I just want anyone who reads this, who feels alone like I do, or feels like they're not reacting in the "right" way to understand that it's okay. You aren't alone. No matter how isolated you feel or like your problems are entirely unique to you, there is someone out there who understands. And also there's a very slim chance that you'll ever be more cringe than me.

The grieving process is ugly and it is agonizing. If anyone wants to DM me on this blog or another, to share anything they're thinking, like really anything at all there's a lot I didn't cover on this post, I will listen.

And to any introjects, I love you. We can make it through. We have survived so much worse. You don't have to be anybody but yourself. And be careful out there. If you become so mixed up in someone's source like we did, please plan an out. Don't make the same mistake I did and just assume it would all be fine forever. There's a very real chance it doesn't.

#wilbur soot introject #wilbur fictive #wilbur factive #dsmp introject #introject #idk. this is geared more for traumagenic sys but if youre endo thats whatever #judt for any systems having a rough patch because of this

[ink-wells-and-feathers]

Hi ink, I'm very new to your page but I think I'm gonna make myself comfortable here for a while if that's ok. I wanted to introduce myself I guess because situations in life are weird sometimes but it's always nice to start by saying hi. So hi! I'm Taylor Swift (not that one) (the one you're probably thinking of by the looks of your awesome blog) and I'm here with Scary (she's excited too don't worry) and over here we are a part of a DID system and (I personally but am including Scary in my search now) we are on the search for home comforts and you have some of that here! Anyway I wanted to say hi and there's a lot more I can stay but I've been told recently that I need to start shortening my texts. I don't understand what people mean. Hope you're having a great day or night or whatever time it is for you!!

hey there! you're more than welcome to make yourself at home here! we love making new friends. I'm Ink and I'm part of a DID system too that includes lots of introjects from dndads who post about what they remember from source and stuff so if you find some headcanons they're likely to be source memories from someone (little fact for everyone who takes the time to read this :) ) so as long as you don't physically go out of your way to disagree with someone's memories or aren't rude you're welcome to stop by anytime including ask box and DM's we love talking to folks. our post schedule is Monday Wednesday Friday for fics and whenever we feel like for anything else on this blog.

make yourself at home and don't worry about shortening your messages.

#ink says something stupid again #ink.says #ink writes #ink answers #hi! #we get so excited about asks don't even worry #hope you have a good day/night/whatever aswell! #anon asks are just friends we haven't made yet.

[fenmere]

Requesting Gesetele's Arrow.odt for the WIP Wednesday game please

Nem was brand new. Something some people somewhere might call an introject. Like my echo, nem was a reflection of a child Näofregbi had seen while visiting gems brood guardian yesterday.

#Gesetele’s Arrow

[summerspectre]

The Ghost Town System is a dissociative system that shares this account! Here you'll find reblogs of art or miscellaneous posts that don't fit on others! Below the cut you will find general information, like socials and fandoms, and beneath that you will find blogs and short descriptions of the tumblr users within our system!

Collective Name: Joey/Ghost

Bodily Age: Minor

Inbox Open?: Yes!

Commissions Open?: Yes: Writing Commissions, Art Commissions

Other Social Media

art sideblog - @ghosttowndrawsstuff

quirky duo fanblog - @quirkyduos

bee duo fanblog - @mylittlemedicalissue

instagram - @/starbug.png

twitter - alltheghosties

ao3 - alltheghosties

simplyplural (only for mutuals) - alltheghosties

Fandoms

Dream SMP, RWBY, Haven SMP, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, Wednesday, She-Ra and The Princesses of Power, The Owl House, The Politician, Earth SMP, Starkid, My Little Pony (mostly to be found @tmmyflower), Camp Camp (formerly), Minecraft Diaries (formerly), Mystreet (formerly)

Frequent Fronters with alt accounts!

Hosts

-> @tmmyflower / @likethesoldier - tommy/kate/mellohi's side accounts, host & co-head caretaker of ghost town (any pronouns excluding it/its)

-> @transgenderquackity - philippa's side account, host & ANP of ghost town (she/her, any pronouns are fine!)

-> @trophywifetubbo - tubbo/eurydice's side account, host & co-head caretaker of ghost town (she/her, any pronouns are fine!)

-> @thehousethatalwayswins / @trophywifequackity - quackity/june's side accounts, host of ghost town (she/her)

-> @crowbur - wilbur rose's side account, host & trauma holder of ghost town (she/her)

-> @dreamsmile - vernal/dream's side account, host/caretaker/avenger of ghost town (will smack a bitch) (she/love)

Protectors

-> @petkiller - nicky's side account, primary protector of ghost town (he/they)

-> @bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - technoblade/notus' side account, protector of ghost town (he/him)

-> @alexisquackitys - alyx's side account, protector & trauma holder of ghost town (he/she/lotus)

Trauma Holders

-> @ghostburz - ghostbur/rosalie's side account, trauma holder of ghost town (she/blue)

-> @generatiionloss - matthew's side account, trauma holder & persecutor of ghost town (interact with caution) (he/they)

-> @patheticwetcat - baylor's side account, trauma holder & persecutor of ghost town (friendly to outsiders) (they/she)

Apparent Normal Parts

-> @xxhannahrosexx - hannah's side account, apparent normal part of ghost town (she/rose/fae)

Additional accounts

-> @tubboandtommy - tommy/kate/mellohi's second side account, shared with tubbo/camille (@beeteetubbs) of lavendersys!

Additional System Related Alt Accounts

-> @sourcememories shared with @likethesword ! used for reblogging memories from introject's sources!

-> @ghosttownlookalikes is used for reblogging art that looks like our alters for reference!

[originssystem]

welcome welcome, we’re the origins system! our main blog is @stonedstevie

our collective names is origin/s or ender

collective pronouns are they/he, we are masc heavy. don’t call our host by he/him

we interchange the terms “alter” and “headmate”

headmate tags to indicate who’s speaking will be “[emoji/s].txt”

PRONOUNS.CC

spotify | chain of picrews of us | ask for simply plural and discord

DNI/RULES: if you think introjects (especially introjects’ sources who turned out to be shitty) are their sources and SPECIFICALLY if you’re also a system, please fucking block us :). we have some alters from “problematic” sources, do not treat them with disrespect. do not tell us how to run our system. do not ask about our trauma unless prompted. if you disrespect our individual boundaries. if you are going to talk to us about syscourse. and fuck you if you support c or cc dream/dreamteam.

EXTRAS: if you say you’re a system, we believe you. we are mostly okay with doubles and sourcemates, but please ask individuals their own boundaries with it. we are okay with flirting in a platonic, romantic, joking, or serious way but use tone indicators as we are autistic. we prefer sys4sys relationships. some of our introject headmates like to be treated like their source, some are iffy about their source, or some completely want to be separated from it, so please ask our introjects their feelings with it. we split easily and are a system with mostly introjects.

WE ARE OTHERKIN (CATKIN AND DOGKIN)! KINS VARY BETWEEN ALTERS.

alter blogs and userboxes under cut :]

ender/stevie/ran/wil/will [🪶] | 18 | they/xey/star +more | @genlossism & @igotpapercuts & @stonerharrington

crim/ranboo/ran [🌧️] | 18 | he/she | ccranboo introject | @ranmikuboo

aimsey/aims/aimee [🧡🤍] | 20 | they/he/she/xey/star | ccaimsey introject | @proximityaims

tommy [🌼] | 18 | he/him | cctommy introject | @bitqueerinnit

wilbur [🗺️] | 24 | he/they | ccwilbur introject | @sandsoftimeking & @eepywilbur

phil/philza [♟️] | ageless | he/him | c/cc/bedrockverse phil introject | @girlbossphilza

xavier/percy/lorelei [🎨] | 17-21 | he/it/they/any | xavier from the netflix wednesday show and percy hynes white introject | @tortureddartist

gab/goobers [🐌] | 33 | she/they/star/+more | gab smolders introject | @stardewgoobers

mak [🙃] | 21 | she/her | mak ingemi introject | @cowboy-lesbian

mae/mayday/killer [🎸] | 20 | she/mew/mrrp | mae borowski introject | @nightmareeyedkiller

dream [🤍] | 21-23 | he/they | cc dream and heatwaves dream introject | @floridacatdad

jacob [🌑] | 19 | he/him | jacob day introject | @daysturntonight

taur/mare/ranboo [🪦] | 17 | he/she/they | cough syrup ranboo introject | @eclipsedmemories

xylem/synth/ranboo [🌒] | 19 | he/they/end/+more | cranboo introject | @quaintvwoops

wednesday [📹] | 19 | he/him | genloss ranboo introject | @generationsyourloss

seán/jack [🍀] | 32 | he/they/it | jacksepticeye introject | @screamingirishman

corpse [🔪] | 24 | he/him | cc corpse introject | @prayedwithbloodyhands

jimmy [🐈] | 26 | he/cowboy/law/+more | fuzztive of cc jimmy, jimmy in double life, and empires s2 jimmy | @definitelynotatoy

simon [🏎️] | 24 | he/boost/boi | introject of mm7games’ gta videos | @igottheboostbois

spen [🥩] | 19 | they/he | ranboolive from 2022-present introject | @meatemoji

johnnie [🧟‍♂️] | 19-25 | he/it | introject of johnnie guilbert | @littleemocreature

#pinned post #important #🪶.txt #please like if you read!

[exo-meme-ories]

asdfghjkl so we have a wednesday addams fictive right? she’s been here for years; long before i was introjected? (she goes by hestia here but we know it’s them)

ANYWAYS. I opened netflix. Saw her??? Asked host “is there?? a documentary??? on the not-fictives??? when was that filmed; you haven’t told us that?” And the host was very confused because of course wednesday is a fictive.

BITCH NEVRR TOLD US SHE WAS A FICTIVE WTF. I thought hest was one of the og not-fictives (shoot what’s the word?). BUT NO. THEY JUST NEVER TOLD US WTF

- cat anon

fkgjfKLGJSFLj

#cat anon

[librarium-of-horrors]

#osdd system #osdd #osdd1b system #did systems #did system #val speaks #dissociative amnesia #anti endo #actuallydid #actually osdd

[littlealienboye]

intro post yippee !!

hi !! i'm sid !! this is my agere blog !!!

abt me !

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

> we collectively use he/him , but i use he/they , so either works !!

> bodily 15 , alter age 23 , little age around 3-5 !!

> adhd , autistic , bpd , osdd1b sys . also some other stuff lol

> i am dyslexic and use a screenreader occasionally , so please don’t use fonts with me !

> host of our system !!

> i’m an introject of sid from slipknot !! i love sourcemates but i might be a little uncomfortable with them when in littlespace , so just feel free to shoot me a dm and i’ll get back to you !!

> special interests are resident evil , slipknot , wolves ( and canids in general ) music , and the backrooms !

> current hyperfixations are 90s grunge and wednesday !!

> other interests are space , aliens , forests , analogue horror , nu metal , 90s/00s alt rock , phonk , transformers , the x files , breaking bad , writing , video editing , electronic music production and the drums !!

> things i like talking about in littlespace are space , aliens , transformers , dogs , wolves , dinosaurs , animals , mlp , bluey , nightmare before christmas , coloring and my stuffies !

> currently don’t have a cg , but i am looking !

dni

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

> basic dni criteria

> nsfw / ageplay blogs . i am a strictly sfw regression blog !

> genshin impact / danganronpa / mcyt posters

> endo systems

> cringe culture supporters

> fakeclaimers

> bodily under 13 or over 25 unless i follow first

byf

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

> i likely won’t swear on this blog , but sorry if it slips ! i do use lmao and wtf quite frequently tho , so if that bothers you sorry !

> i have a small typing quirk ( if you could even call it that lmao ) where i put spaces between my punctuation . just a heads up !

> i don’t do a ton of littlespeak , but if i do and you need a translation feel free to let me know !

> a little in our system may also use this blog to repost things he likes , though we share pretty similar little interests so you probably won’t even notice

> i will probably be doing more reposting than original posts , but if you would like a stimboard , moodboard our outfit board ( related to agere ofc ) feel free to send in an ask !!

> speaking of asks , if i don’t get to an ask i apologize !!

find me !

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

> i’m most active on discord ! you can add me @ DISASTER WOLF#6966 ! just let me know you came from tumblr so that i don’t totally ignore you lol

> i also have a pinterest , but most of my boards are either private or unorganized ( minus my agere board , go figure ) but you can follow me there @ ethandoodlez !

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

if you read all the way to the end , you are so cool !!! and thank you !!!! i hope we can be friends !!!

#introducing myself #intro post #agere #age regression #agere blog #masc agere

[femmascthing]

Charlotte returns... except it's not the same Charlotte. Venting but its not that heavy below / explanation for absence

So! Our finals are Monday and Wednesday. We are under extreme pressure. A lot of personal shit also happened so basically I'm not. Charlotte that used to run this blog? Charlotte and another alter named Fugo (Yes, a Fugo Dressel introject) fused during the personal stuff. Sooo... guess that's me? I really have been in writers block too. Experimentation is still my top priority...

#charlottes rambling #please read

[igotpapercuts]

seeing people shit on the new wednesday show makes us feel real invalid for having a half introject from there

#ender.txt #negative #origins.sys

[vanillagvsts]

I was about to write some violent text about what im feeling but then my therapist responded me (i was chatting with her about my feelings in text since my session is wednesday), and she wants me to talk more about [ ] and what [ ] represents to me to see if this is gonna make us feel better,

I hope it does, this blinding rage never ends up well, i never end up making anything good out of it, i understand [ ] sucks and i hate [ ] but i also started to recognise that there's nothing really productive anymore on going after [ ], i already did what i could do, the victim is protected now and that's what matters, my image does not, my rage does not, my violence does not, at least not to the public, it matters to me, so i need to treat those violence, rage and desire for revenge on myself,

I think what makes me most rageful is that the comparisons [ ] make of us never really justify what [ ] did, it's like the most mediocre competition of the world, but one is just trying to finish the task and the other is trying to overpower the other. Literally nothing will change what [ ] did to multiple people, even if i was revealed to be scum of the earth,

So why do I feel so much rage? I think it's repressed rage from years finally coming up, it's pain, it's sadness, it's anger, blinding anger that don't really have more to it, it's the same feelings looping over and over again until they disappear, it's the need to make [ ] suffer, i want [ ] to suffer. That's the end of it, [ ] made me suffer and I don't want [ ] to go away from that cleanly,

Everytime i talk about my rage and desire of making [ ] suffer, i get told i'm okay for having those feelings, even my therapist says it's okay, [ ] made me suffer, so i want [ ] to suffer, but it doesn't feel in character for me, it's like i'm always fighting a rabid dog, which i literally am, our revenge holder is a literal dog LOL

The memory of [ ] is traumatizing, it re-traumatizes me everytime i have an episode related to [ ]. it splits so many fucking people that's why there's like so many introjects of the same motherfucker.

This goes beyond the callout to me now, the callout was a dry cut to me, it was something it needed to be addressed, and it was, now that don't matter anymore, i already did my part on combating what was right to combat, I'm not gonna lose my time repeating the same thing over and over again like a broken disc, the thread exists, people can read it over and over again, the proof is there, the things are spilled, there's nothing about that to speak to anymore, there's nothing else to fight anymore, now it's just feelings left to feel, now it's just rage.

I finished my fight but at the end of the day i'm still the same fight dog, there's nothing else to bite, nothing else to fight, i can't do anything else than what i already did,

The fear of being misinterpreted everytime i write a line still permeates within me and it came to a point i don't care anymore, accuse me of being morally terrible, i don't really care what others think about me if they're not my friends, i want to express my feelings and i will,

I know you will take my words and use them against me, that you will crop parts of my words and use it to tell your 5 boot-lickers of how horrible i am, but yeah i don't really care about being terrible anymore, if there's something i learn about in my new job is that people will give you hell for making a mediocre job, even if it's not anything bad, i heard so many terrible things about myself at work for trying my best from clients who don't understand how it's hard to be in my role, so i guess work did teach me something new that i can carry for life: Sometimes people will say you fucking suck and you can't do shit about it, but who cares honestly

This ramble is not any kind of message, i'm not really trying to start anything, this is more of a cathartic thing for me, after all this is my vent account and i want to be free to express myself, and honestly i don't feel angry anymore after writing this, i feel better, i think writing your feelings really is good for your emotions,

I think if i wanna add something is that i thought (( was gonna hurt me way more, but it really didn't, in the end i don't think i care about (( anymore, (( was kind of an annoying person to be around to me but i never really noticed how much (( was annoying until (( left, sometimes people just fucking suck as friends lmao, i can't say no one misses (( i think some headmates do and still cry over it, but i think personally me i don't really think about (( at all

I've been clean from looking at [ ] stuff for months, and i'm pretty proud of it, i think if younger me could see me today, they would be relieved,

I think thats all, this really made me feel better, thanks for reading my vent