#when i realized... im fucking gay

[napping-sapphic]

*gives you a gay little kiss that feels like home*

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #lesbian #sometimes you may see a post from me and go: #why the fuck would she post that?? #and wonder if i regret it #the answer is no <3 #all my posts are bangers😤 #esp this one #and that is NOT the exhaustion and lack of sleep talking #maybe it’s late and i have to be up #in five hours #and i came to the realization that ALL my kisses count as gay little kisses #and had to share that with the internet #okay and it’s a GOOD post😤😤😤😤 #im not gonna see this at a time when im more sane and be like wtf #i’ll see it be like: wow that’s a great post #@ future me: u can fight me on this im right okay #god im so tired

[soplapinga]

Favorite part of The Dead Boy Detectives for sure is Edwin pulling literally every single age appropriate male character he interacted with. The absolute cunt ever

#Cat king Charles Monty Simon .guy is a gay magnet #yes im assuming charles is in love w him too in my mind he just doesn't know ut yet because he is extremely obvious and from the 80s #he said he liked Chrystal bc she reminded her of Edwin UNPROVOKED yall cant make this shit up come on now #also in the last ep after hugging edwin he put his hand in his hand in his heart just like edwin did when he realized he was in love w him #yeah that happened its not an hallucination im still baffled #also they are the REALEST i do in fact also need him carnally #edwin payne you are so pathetically rizzless I need to kiss you #David was fucking lucky he never directly interacted w him he would've been on the homosexual trenches too believe me #edwin payne #charles rowland #the cat king #monty the crow #simon dead boy detectives #catwin #payneland #chadwin #edwin x monty #edwin x charles #edwin x the cat king #the dead boy detectives #dead boy detectives #dbda #netflix dead boy detectives #tdbd

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[bottombaron]

i have a very scientific way of telling when Nandor has gone 'serious' its called my pussy getting wet and lemme tell you that this man has gone Predator mode:

this is the look of a man who wants to kill

#wwdits #nandor #what we do in the shadows #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #wwdits spoilers #and if guillermo is a gay like me and i think he is #we have a very special 4th option to the flight fight or freeze fear response #its called 'spred your legs' #or colloquially: the fuck response #that deadeye look he has omg im going to need to like sit in a shower for 45 minutes #how did the gays survive evolution when some of our primal responses to a predator is to bend over? #anyways #~nandor wants to kill guillermo and some of y'all arent strong enough to realize that makes their ship hotter~

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call #please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway #so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3' #laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad' #to Me. #in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions #he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye #he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual #he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot #all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically. #meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics #he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time' #'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.' #'....hey wally you can keep a secret right' #and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too #and from barnabys pov its going great! #howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck #so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy #so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart) #that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out. #everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You #and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭' #cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked #so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange #why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No. #so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment #cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it #meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms) #eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega #this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately

[protectcosette]

one of the hottest people i have ever seen in my life is at the gay bar right now

#certified protectcosette original #i will not be talking to them #but i am going to go insane over in my corner #it's funny bc i already have their Instagram. bc i've fucking SMOKED WEED AT THEIR HOUSE #i also had this crisis when i saw them at their job (making pizzas) and thought they were incredibly hot before realizing i knew them #im so gay i need to be on life support i swear to got

[just-gay-thoughts]

Maybe I'm just tired and looking into things too much but like, i understand the creation stories that involve handmaking. The ones where humans and such are made from clay by some higher being.

I'm working on a spiderweb shirt right now and youtube recommended a pattern for spiderweb gloves and as I'm working on one of the sleeves to the shirt I'm just being hit by like the realization that I can just, make shit.

Like I can make whatever the fuck I want, this is a thing I can do. And if I can do it why can't the higher power? And what greater act of love than to handmake your creations? To take the time to form them individually by hand?

#gay thoughts #its very weird feeling #because like im following a pattern #but im realizing i have skill as i start to feel more confident in branching out and going off pattern #like rn im thinking about making the sleeve flared slightly #and my glow in the dark cardigan didnt call for star appliques or a scalloped edge on the sleeves #the shirt looks fucking awesome when on btw #when its off it looks like a pile of string

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[princekirijo]

Finally graduated haha let's go 🥹

#im scheduling this when the ceremony is over just cause #but yeah um wow. can't believe it actually #desperately trying not to cry while typing this haha thing hasn't even started #but i think this is the first time in a while i genuinely feel proud of myself. like fuck me i did it #4 years was a wild ride but here i am!! and yeah im scared about the future but rn im just here with my paper #i also realized that yeah ive been on Tumblr as long as ive been in uni #which is crazy can't believe ive been on here for 4 years (roughly) #but for all the shit that i dislike about this site and as much as it drives me nuts #i do wanna say ive met some wonderful people on here! ive made some friends 🥹 #and yeah i haven't kept up with all of them something im so so guilty about #but i wouldn't be where i am without this blog like unironically #so yeah thank you gay people in my phone you've helped me a lot. more than i care to admit #hope y'all have a great day <33 #thanks for reading my sappy ass tags on Tumblr 😅

[butchcharliee]

.

#i just realized how many people blocked me for identity as “gay boy lesbian” :o #like mutuals.. #im not a bi lesbian or a trans man lesbian y'all 😭 #now i dont go policing peoples identities so if you identify as those then i dont really care at all lmao #back to the point tho #when i said im a gay boy lesbian #i just meant im very butch4butch 😭 #i didnt mean I'd date and fuck men bc hell no #im not into people who identify as a binary man!! #im a lesbian!! #also i dont identify as a “gay boy lesbian” anymore if that'll make y'all happy #it hurts when other butches block you like y'all my family :/ #and the reason why i identified as a gay boy lesbian was bc im a boy but in a non binary butch dyke way #and im attracted to other butches or transmasc who also identify as that #will delete later

[spokelseskladden]

no but actually, when I was like 16 I decided to get in deep with the cult, like fanatically deep. Donating my entire allowance and dedicating myself to biweekly bible study deep. Mainly because I had deluded myself into thinking that if only I could become a perfect jehovah’s witness, god would heal my crippling gender dysphoria by either taking pity on me and simply give me a dick and testosterone for the low price of my freedom and dignity, or alternatively taking it away all together and let me live my life blissfully as a cis woman for all eternity in paradise. The latter never sounded appealing to me, and I’m not going to pretend that the blatant sexism within the cult wasn’t a part of it at all, but even if you removed it, I still didn’t particularly care for having tits. I did realize that the former alternative probably wasn’t likely to happen in the end, and that’s probably one of the big reasons I never could admit to actually just being a guy, even though it was kinda obvious. Cause when you know you can’t ever have something, it’s easier to pretend you never wanted it in the first place, lol

#ex jw #isn't it funny that I even entertained the idea of fucking JEHOVAH giving me top surgery or some shit? #dude are you daft? the babykiller who hates the gays? You really think THAT GUY would support trans rights? #also. my OG mutuals probably remembers me sort of coming out as nonbinary back then‚ and i want you to know that I was not #practically everything I ever said about my gender back then wasn't real and I KNEW it wasn't real. I was just scared as fuck lol #cause I couldn't open that can of worms and then close it again. and like yeah. experimenting with gender can be great and important #but I wasn't experimenting‚ I knew it wasn't completely right from the moment I said it and idk. I want that out in the open I guess lol #funny thing is I kinda did that thing AGAIN not that far back when I was like oh yeah any pronouns goes :) oh no it's they/them achtually #oh now im he/they and oh I just want to define anything and blah blah blah #and I was sitting there and I just asked myself what the hell I was doing cause you're a grown ass man and you KNOW you're spewing bullshit #like i thought i would keep things ambigous but in hindsight. the url i had and having my other name in my bio was kinda stupid #in my defence i didn't think about my url and i still don't really mind my legal name so lol #but i realized i was just pussyfooting around everything and i'm tired of it so yeah! #anyway. look at me revealing my fucking lore here. i've gotten way off track and idk what i was trying to get to #if you read this far you get like. knowledge about me you probably didn't want #you're welcome i guess? idk lol #insert drive through meme or something

[freckledgeto]

rewatched all of hidden inventory in one sitting i cant stop thinking about how fucking sad gojo satorus life is

#why the fuck is hi so sad wtf is gojos life so sad why did gege do that to my getoot wtf is wrong with him wtf is wrong with this manga wtf #wtf is tl wrong with this arc why is it so sad my boy my getoot my poor boy my poor boys they were jus fucking kids guys oh my god man man #they were so young geto shouldn’t be running a cult they should have to do that gojo should have to realize he can’t save everyone at 16 y/o #listening to not strong enough by boygenius and thinking about gojo and crying on my living room couch i cant take this shit anymore #wtf my poor getoot he was so fucking young wtf #gojos face and reaction in the conversation with yaga oh my god what the fuck the hand clench the blood #the reaction when he said geto killed his own parents oh my god fuuuuck u nakamura #i cant do this anymore fuck jay jay gay FUUUCK U IM DOOOONNNNNEEEE. NO MORE. #i’m serious this time i’m putting my foot down (is not serious) #and another thing FUCK the opening FUCK the outro FUCK the fish and the vending machines and geto not turning around #AND FUCK THE STUPID FISH!!!!!!! ALL OF THEM #AND FUCK THE BABY RIKO SCENE AND THE WHALE SHARK COMPARISON AND THE DROWNING IN THE TANK AND FUUCKKK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU GEGE #AND MAPPA #🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 #💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 #💔💔🥹🥹🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔🥹🥹💔🥹🥹💔🥹💔🥹🥹💔💔🥹🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹🥹💔💔💔🥹🥹💔🥹🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔🥹💔💔🥹💔🥹💔🥹 #i’m so deeply immensely heartbroken #gonna go listen to a geto playlist maybe even a gojo one too a satosugu one if i’m feeling suicidal #jjk #🌙.txt

[cantofworms]

.

#ok ik all the hot take asks are pre much done and the sparkly say smth nice asks are better but well I’ve been having thoughts all day at #work and want to get them out now so that’s what I’m doing lol #obvs for the past few months i think ppl are vv heavily leaning into the dnf /r and I firmly believe that they aren’t #like yes I enjoy being a multi shipper but I still primarily read dnf fics bc they’re cute dnf writers and artists MWAHH ilysm #but it’s been increasingly annoying how every move dnf make ppl hyper obsess over it and ignore everything else like blog what u want this #is tumblr dot com but I think ppl how only see dnf thro the lens of romantic do much more ‘harm’ than ppl who dont #like the argument about taking validation out of their very REAL amazing friendship just gets over shadowed by omg Dream posted a pic of #geogre they’re in LOVE and sucking and FUCKING every night. like #and then completely disregard when dnf do and say the exact same shit about all their other friends #like dream has explicitly said they aren’t dating (ignore that tho) amd that’s he’s kissed multiple ppl since coming out (ignore that too) #and their friends naturally say that they’re all single (ignore that too) idk man it’s ok they like to pander amd that dream is a toxic #dnfer but it’s all just For Funsies. another thing is ppl CONSTANTLYYYY putting geohres sexuality under a microscope oh he drinks lemonade #from Starbucks he’s soooo gay like dumb shit like that is so irritating #the fact that geogre has never once talked about his sexuality except that one instance where he got a DONO about it proves how much it #just doesn’t matter or apply to the type of content creator he is/wants to be #to be clear if he is or isn’t or dnf every explicitly announce their romantic relationship im gonna be sooooo happy and supportive like aw #dnfogies🫶🏻 but I think there’s a 99.9% chanve that’ll never happen so maybe we should all just care a Little Less and focus on out lgbt #creators if that’s smth u wanna watch/blog about idk maybe I’m just burnt out from the phandom but whyyyyy does is matter what their #sexualities are they play minecraft who cares who CARESSSS idk maybe just having older brothers around dtqk ages has made me realize that #guys will just act homiesexual no matter What #guys are just Like That and tbc I’m not saying that just bc gnf hasn’t made an official coming out doesn’t mean he’s not queer but for the #sake of his contwnt it doesn’t matter either way ? so why are ppl talking about it on the daily idk man it’s just annoying but Oh Well #at the end of the day they’re all famous white guys and nothing matters hurray !!

[werewolfoffeverswamp]

so funny when you can tell cis people straight up do not process a single thing you tell them about your gender ESPECIALLY when it’s a very vulnerable discussion

#no advice or consolation please i’m just venting kinda #me circa like a few months ago: mom i’m a man who likes men. i am gay. when men like me it’s because they’re attracted to men. #and she’s like ok. lol #then i will refer to myself as gay and she’s like WHAT? HOW ARE YOU GAY? #like bitch i’ll kill you. no offense to cis people as a whole but whats not fucking clicking #it’s really not that fucking hard to understand #and to be quite honest you dont even need to understand it fully. if you can’t wrap your mind around someones gender just get their— #pronouns and fuck off #you don’t need a fully realized grasp of someone’s inner workings to treat them like they ask #cro talks #anyways! my mom still views me as a straight girl and thinks i mean im a lesbian when i say im gay 😁

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.

anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.

She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”

yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.

all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.

#NOT TOH FANFIC #see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this. #the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR. #*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though. #my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people #its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus. #anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to-- #--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS #still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria #they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot... #actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up. #we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh. #anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner #i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them #and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose. #STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH. #we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS. #...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up. #shitposting shit #idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how #mentally ill i was back in 2020 #talking into the void yk how it isssss

[munamania]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love #what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it #why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties #of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often #so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk #and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore #i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them #. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec #but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd #but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE. #OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL. #and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness #but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart. #this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it #that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too #and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch #now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it. #because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do #something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope #and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude #this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post #ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting #all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever