#which is what we did for like two hours

[jaqdawks]

Aaaaaaaa

#I don’t know how to do relationships I don’t think #currently curled up in a ball in my closet #had a date with a guy on Wednesday and I’ve pretty much never cuddled with anyone ever before or anything beyond that #which is what we did for like two hours #and then after it feels like we’re talking less #and I’m scared I fucked up #and I really like him #even tho this’ all timed with winter break starting and the guy tends to go skiing for a day and not get back to me till the afternoon #but we were gonna hang out on Saturday because my roommate wasn’t gonna be home #but turns out he mixed up the dates for something and so he’s gonna be snowmobiling all day that day #and now I’m just a little extra scared I fucked up #I dunno aaah #I’m gonna tell him about all this and stuff #but I’m scared I’m unlovable sometimes because pretty much up until a few months ago no one’s ever really #expressed an interest in me #in any romantic or higher sense #and now I’m in the big city still healing from some fucked up shit that happened to me back home with a boy #and I don’t know what I’m doing #so I’m balled up in my closet in the corner because I don’t know what else I’m meant to do #scared I’m incapable of having relationships #vent

[moeblob]

Ananza realizing that Deacon's mom was a devoted follower of hers THEREFORE that's her son now, too! And she will dote on him and love him and never pick on him like all the other deities tend to do. That's her precious little boy who lives in another city and rarely gets to see her!

#my characters #deacon gets mocked for being weird by every other deity but her and ymber (though he does think hes a TAD weird) #and ananza is like NOPE THATS MY LIL BOY !!! I LOVE HIM! and after deacon and ymber leave from their visit #she gets all huffy with fulj because YOU COMPLAINED ABOUT DEACON SO MUCH ??? my sweet lil angel? #and fulj just what - hey wait - did we meet the same person? sweet lil angel? #also for if you care cause i definitely do #ananza is like hmmmm since thats my son now i HAVE to give him something but .... ymber is so protective.... #and then she is like OH YEAH ! ohime said deacon recognized my dance ! #then she is like deacon please come dance with me i formally request a dance come here away from him please here hey #and since deacon is a nice guy hes like ok but i cant really dance well and shes just noooo worries! #and then as they dance she slowly gets him away from ymber and after they are at a decent distance she just #takes his hands in hers and then FWOOSH there's a bunch of wind and deacon is left speechless like ??? what was that? #and so then she is so proud to say that while ymber placed a very PASSIONATE blessing on him she did no such thing! #it is a simple blessing for him since hes like a son to her and hey it might not make you immune to stuff like drowning #but if you are ever in combat which i hope you arent then you will be super duper agile and quiet #and so hes like oh thats pretty cool actually! hey wait what did you mean by passionate hey what #but then the super light footsteps actually are not simply for combat and now hes just a very tall quiet guy #and since he cant remember faces if he sneaks up on someone and they say AGAIN? HOW ARE YOU SO QUIET? hes just #im sorry i didnt mean.... to.... do that.... again.............. (whomst is this and how many times did i spook them) #and ymber is just really happy that thank goodness his blessing and ward act as a GPS and so at least HE knows when deacon is nearby #and fulj is like i hate him even more now did you know he nearly gave me a heart attack like two hours ago ??? this is a crime against me #anyway ananza and deacon are just cute together and hes her precious lil son!

[somecunttookmyurl]

my body alert me to having an entirely full bladder with more than 30s warning challenge (impossible)

#it! is! so! annoying! just! be! normal! *screams* #genuinely i did piss myself as a kid a LOT until i was like. 10. no lie. #bc i would not know - at all! no inclination whatsoever! if i went anyway nothing would come out! - i needed to pee #until we hit 'you are going to piss yourself immediately' #just 0 to 100 in 0.35 seconds #and i did not have the control or muscle strength or whatever to not just. piss myself if i wasnt in immediate reach of a bathroom #i went though two. years. of 'bladder retraining' therapy #which is MEANT to retune you into signals or whatever so you know you need to pee with a fucking resonable amount of warning #spoiler: it did not do this #it did not improve the signalling at all whatsoever #what it DID do was develop the necessary strength and control to become doubled over with sudden OH GOD RIGHT NOW pee pain #BUT be able to hold it off for 5-10 min if necessary #which to the adults around me was a success bc it looked like i knew how to pee properly now #i don't. i just know how to NOT pee MYSELF and make it embarrassing. difference. #look man i'm 33 presumably there will literally never be a point in my life where i will know 'oh i kinda need to pee' an hour before #i will always be playing Highway To The Danger Zone every day forever #i just live like this #CHRIST it's so FUCKING annoying though #i mean this applies to all functions i have no internal signalling for anything until it is Super Right Now Urgent #my body notify me of anything at all ever challenge (impossible) #god if this aint the most annoying one though

[rustycottoncandy]

I somehow made it through the school day running on one hour of sleep

#I went to sleep at 5am yesterday #not by decision though - or not fully at least #i was feeling very shitty so I tried drawing to calm myself down but it didn't work and I ended jp just getting worse #Nobody at home was awake ans I couldn't talk to any of my vontacts because again they were all asleep #and I really needed to talk to somebody so I ended up reaching to a Mental Health helpline #I thought of reaching out to a suicide prevention hotline at first but I didn't because I wasn't going to #nor thinking of #commiting suicide. #I didn want to do something pretty bad which I was trying to distract myself from doing but not kill myself #eventually I found a general mentak health helpline and texted a woman through there at early 3am/very late 2am #we talked for two hours. she was really nice and helped me calm down and gave me advice on what to do if that happened again #it was 5am when we stopped talking and I had to wake up at 6am so I didn't sleep much #I really appreciate whst she did she helped me a lot - she also offered to call my parents but I said no because I didn't want to worry them #and she understood she was really nice people behind these kinds of things are like wingless angels #I've been able to take short naps between classes and a considerably long one after an exam but I dtarted the day on 1 hour of sleep #AND SURVIVED IT yippee

[todayisafridaynight]

it doesn’t compute in my brain how some people can play and finish y3 and not get minedai brainrot like there are actually normal people out there who play these games

many such cases, truly

#snap chats #as we've established a lot of it boils down to casual interest in daigo and/or mine and/or not knowing about rggo #which is FINE 100% it aint for everybody. some people just here to game and that be that #anyways good morning everyone pulled my second all nighter at college and this time it was actually for schoolwork #first time it was for gaiden but i finished my presentation .... cant wait to look at my prof in like. two hours #and be like 'hi prof did you get my presentation i sent it two hours ago :))))))' #at most i just have to review my notes but yay .... i feel incredibly sick #i dont know if its nerves or staying up late or not eating or what but anyways ...... we ball .........

[mielgf]

besties what does it mean when a straight man bakes bread and steam mops his entire house and goes out and buys sweet treats before you come over

#this wasn’t normal bread either he made a HERB AND GARLIC LOAF and then proceeded to dice shallots and onions to make a lil flavour burst #on top after it came out then made a chili infused oil to dip it in… #THEN ASKED IF (WE) WANTED HIM TO MAKE A BOARD WITH CHEESE AND MEATS LIKE??? #HUH???? #and yeah steam mopped all of their floors cleaned top to bottom #he did about 20x more than my actual friend would ever dream of 😭 #THEN ALSO WENT TO A BAKERY AND GOT DONUTS?? HELLO??? #i am still flabbergasted hours later #he also got play angry at me that i got in the backseat of the car and was like ‘no you should take the front’ #and after i refused cause he’s TALL he got in the passenger door and then proceeded to move his seat all the way up so he was cramped and #i had a ton of room #i was just like… is this… what men are really capable of? #today truly made me enamoured with the kindness men can apparently be capable of AND HE DOESNT KNOW ME SUPER WELL #we’ve hung out like three times prior and two of which were within this last week #anyway what a kind man again my friend would never lmao #forgot the most important part: this man is a guy friends’ roommate! #talk time

[doctorwhoisadhd]

what is it with torchwood and "secret conspiracy to control the entire world blah blah anti semitism" plotlines .

#like if i had a nickel for every time #ari opinion hour #not bonff #like ????? stop that #i cant remember a time they did this in dr who at least that was this thinly veiled i mean i dont have a great memory but i think the #closest was the silence and even THEN that was like. Its fine. maybe not GREAT but doesnt really stand out. #whereas this is like. Damn. What is up rn #obv church on ruby road is easily more antisemitic bc its quite literally 'goblins stealing christian baby from a church in order to eat it #which is. Fucking Egregious. #but this is like. Why is it twice. we dont need two of them. #one of them you can MAYBE do and its like Okay they didnt think this sucks a lot but like . they moved away from it at least #TWICE is like DAMN THATS A PATTERN BUD. #BEGINS TO REALLY START SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT WHO EXACTLY IS MAKING THIS MEDIA

[andi-o-geyser]

just another day wasting away in margaritaville trying to figure out how the actual fuck the Grand Army of the Republic is organized. send assistance i am shaking sobbing crying in a corner

#no like. does anybody understand it please help me #i get how it’s divided #i even made an entire flow chart #but it’s the numbering i’m confused with cause none of it makes any fucking SENSE #and i don’t know know if i just don’t know how military battalions are numbered but this makes less than 0 sense even if i did know #because like. ok so for example: the 327th star corps is in the 2nd systems army. but how is that possible? why are they called the 327th? #because there are 10 systems armies; each with 2 sector armies; each with 4 corps #and if i know math (which i occasionally do) that means there are 80 corps in the entire GAR (4 for each of the 20 sector armies) #so then HOW #is there a corps in the 300s #and that’s not even the worst example #okay so we all know the 212th? our most beloved attack battalion of gold babes? #they’re in the 3rd systems army which means they should have the 5th and 6th sector armies (1st system army has 1+2 2nd systems has 3+4 etc #but then they have the 7th sky corps. and if there are 8 corps per systems army and they’re in the THIRD systems army #how do they have the 7th corps? and how are they only the 212th battalion? cause there’s 512 battalions in the first systems army ALONE! #so either it’s straight up wrong and their battalion number should be more like 1212 (in the thousands!) #or each sector/sustems army has their own numbering of battalionsthat goes from 1-512; and same for their corps? #so it would be like ‘we’re the 404th battalion of the 6th corps of the 4th systems army’? #but then that still contradicts the existence of actual corps like the 91st mobile recon corps and the 41st elite corps! #so are there two different systems of numbering it? do corps and legions and battalions all number and name their divisions differently? #i wrote so much i ran out of tags but serious am i just dumb or am i right and none of this makes sense #i spent literally 2 hours getting distracted by this conundrum today #after spending 4 hours last night understanding how the army is divided cause i was curious about what the numbering meant #LITTLE DID I KNOW I MEANT NEXT TO FUCKING NOTHING #this is what happens when i get bored smh #if anybody understands military structure and im legit just missing something PLEASE tell me i am so curious #star wars #the clone wars #andis thought geyser

[justanotherfanartist]

.

#back on my super personal posting bs #last basketball game for the band tonight #augh and misery but at least it’s at Cool Big Semi Circle. Two hour drive at least tho. sigh. #if u from my state you know what I mean. actually wtv it’s obvious idfk Tacoma Dome moment lmaooo #man. last thing of band for the whole year kinda sucks ngl #our band is fucked don’t get me wrong but a part of me still loves it with a lot less cynicism than most of my friends n other band kids do #part of me is like yeah there’s stuff that sucks. but also this is where I’m meant to be and I’m having a good time #the reality is that our director sucks our band sucks nobody practices and we don’t really play well #but in my head #I’m doing well #i practice. a lot. because I like it #All my friends are here #I’m doing what my dad did in Highschool and being like him makes me really happy #which is especially why I’m switching to drumline next year to hopefully be on snare #I’m actually gonna kill myself if I get cymbals i fucking HATE cymbals I will fight my Director on this actually so hard #cus I don’t know shit about percussion #but my dad is a drummer and so is one of my senior friends who is sticking around after they graduate this year #and they’ve both agreed to teach me over the summer #so I’m gonna go fucking crazy hard into practicing so I can do percussion ensemble next year and do drumline too #I’m literally gonna dig in my trenches and fight tooth and nail to get what I want #and I’ve never really done that before #It really feels like I’m determined to prove myself worth of being a snare #not cymbals #not bass #snare #I feel like I was kind of always meant for this; I’ve just been putting it off yknow? #I’m the child of two divorced music majors #my dad is a drummer who was in band his whole life #he loves it. he loves it so much. #my parents moved to New York to chase their dreams and become musicians

[sprinklethetangerine]

I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?

#ughhhhh #you know what becausd i hate myself (not really dw) this isnt gonna be a vaguepost #if youre reading the tags buckle the fuck up #so last week and the week before were spring break for me #and the week before was jjst full of studying and exam stress to the point where i couldnt attend my archery lessons #cause all i was doing at that time was either studying or feeling like shit for not studying #but when spring break hit actually THE VERY SECOND it arrived I had to go to another city about two hours away to visjt family #and guess what? I STAYED THERE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPRING FUCKING BREAK #so i couldnt even do most of the shit i wanted to #and even there i couldnt enjoy my time #why? because ALL I DID was study. my cousin tutors me and I was failing these 3 specific subjects #so she was helping me withtgem and she wouldnt leave me be #and when my (undiagnosed) adhd made me shit at focusing and my mind keot wantering and i kept looking away because i was understimulated #i got shouted at which was not very fun #whats worse is she did it in front of people. literally in public. #then we come back home THANKFULLY and she comes with us. because of course. #and now all my time all of it except for one or two hours of the day is just studying #the only free time i have is when she sleeps #and school. literally never in my life have i been happy to go to school and yet id rather be there than here. #but what choice do i really have #its either this or fail the exams #it gets worse. on thursday i was really tired from school. i came back and PASSED OUT #and by passed out I mean PASSED OUT #idk if it was cause it was hot outside or school just drained my energy but i could barely exist at that point #then my cousin finds me on the couch sweaty and basically dying #what does she do? she wakes me up like “alright time to study” #so yesterday i did charity work and it involved carrying a lot of heavy boxes and stuff so i naturally came back drained and tired and she #STILL WANTED ME TO STUDY so the second we got back I just slept and i was practically comatose so she coukdnt even wake me up #i slept for 11 hours and woke up to MORE STUDYING HURRAY and then at 5 i went to archery class and we got back at 8 and she WONT STOP #i just want to go home. im so tired. physically and mentally and emotionally. i just wanna go fucking home.

[beetlejuicesgraveyardrevue]

wild how I do one (1) physical activity and my brain is immediately like ‘yeah!!!!!! Do more!!! Do more right now!!! You cannot stop moving or we’ll fucking die!!!!!’ like. bro. calm down.

#I did my fucking two hour long HEMA class today which is just constant motion and strength building and focus and then my brain was like #now go on a walk!! now go on a run!! what if we did squats!! what if we rode our bike!! #like. damn #let me fucking breathe #to clarify I did not go on a bike ride I did stop myself from doing that #but the rest of it. well it’s midnight and I’m currently walking to the beach after running for twenty minutes #im gonna be fucking dead on my feet tomorrow

[elytrafemme]

guys i laurv college like actually. went out w a group of ppl and went to CVS and a mediocre pep rally. had a really sweet exchange w a bus driver. roommates are going out in a large group to have some of that sweet liquid sillies allegedly. i am alone in my dorm despite thinking i'd be the last one awake i am literally the only one here. and i'm happy i think :D

#nightmare.personal #we have to be up at like 7:30 am though so God bless my poor roommates #it's just two of them out person no 3 is unaccounted for #hypothetically i couldve stayed up but the group i was hanging out w are all roommates #so it was just me sititng in their dorm while they were showering and i was like. i think maybe i should go back to my home domain #but college is seriously kind of great bc like. you can just Do Shit. no parental convos about the logistics of hanging out #if i want to knock on a friends door to see their taxidermied rat and then go out w them at 10 pm #i am well within my God given right to do that!!!!!! #also idk when the RAs come bc this is meant to be quiet hours but people are blasting frank ocean which #it's frank ocean so you cannot be complaining about that but still #ALSO I SAW THIS GUY I'D BEEN TEXTING AT A STORE AND THEN I SAW HIM LATER AT THE RALLY #AND THIR=TY SECONDS BEFORE THE RALLY ENDED I TEXTED HIM SAYING I SAW HIM #AND HE MADE DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH ME RIGHT WHEN EVERYONE STARTED LEAVING #IT WAS SO FUNNY. i am seeing him in SO many places and we haven't even hung out yet #also hope the guy that i recced måneskin liked it i didn't do one of their best songs but hopefully thats cool #i just did baby said bc i was gonna do read your diary but thought it'd be too much in hindsight i'd DEFFO do kool kids #IN ANY CASEEEE. idk what to do now just text my gf i guess

[lockedtowers]

listen idk anything abt l/ord of the r/ings but even i know f/rodo and s/am were in love l/ego l/otr made that v clear

#i did play that #i tried watching the first extended movie forever ago bc of abi and my mom literally #turned it off the second elf man abi liked showed up #which was much later than i was expecting i stg it was already an hour in #i have like 20 mins left before my alarm goes off trying to decide if alive or be alive when alarm actually go brr #who gave me a noon shift on daYLIGHT BULLSHIT BULLFUNCKLES #idk what brougzht these tboughts up fyi my coworkers have said they must force me into a l/otr extended cut movie night snd its veen #two years we still havent done it i dont think we’re doing it #out.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

gave mack her monthly flea goop right to the back of the neck and she let me do it with no fuss, one of the very few plus sides of the general upheaval of this week bc she was so jazzed i was in the same room and scritching her jowls

#mackintosh #did a lot of shopping and administrative errands today #this involved being out of the house and in the car a lot and breaking my air conditioner #so we (me) are getting up at ass o clock to go to a mechanic to see what the fuck all that’s about #it has been running basically nonstop for 12+ hours a day this week which is. not the ideal use case probably #but if it’s another jillion dollar repair i will cry #if it’s like two hundo (thanks to the generosity of viewers like you) (and the one night i was able to cut short the hotel stay) we should #be ok #but i also do need an oil change Real bad bc i put 2500 miles on the car This Week Alone #anyway! goodnight

[oflgtfol]

it is so utterly insane to me the way i've had this like fundamental shift in my personality since i started therapy, started medication, and graduated college. i used to be so shy and quiet and awkward. it used to take me years of everyday interaction to begin to feel any sense of real friendship with anyone, and the idea of public speaking or small talk with strangers etc was enough to have me trembling and shaking

and now like. i'm doing public speaking. i'm doing small talk with strangers. at michaels i'm actually having conversations with customers whenever the mood hits because i like actually enjoy talking to people now? even if it's just small talk it's just nice to like, have a nice friendly conversation? if i need to confront someone now, for whatever reason, whether it's to ask a question or to politely ask them not to do something, nowadays i can actually do it, instead of being the living epitome of the coward end of the "he asked for no pickles" meme. now I'M the person saying "he asked for no pickles." i'm the one that my more shy coworkers turn to when the time comes. I'M the person being shoved at the shy coworkers to chat them up and get them to be more outgoing. I'M the one guiding the conversation asking questions and keeping people talking trying to get them to open up. literally never imagined myself like this

#fucking. when i was working at michaels on christmas eve i was there with two managers and a cashier #my fucking STORE MANAGER told ME to make the closing announcement - which we normally dont do but we were #doing it then since it was christmas eve and we were closing 3 hours early #like this GROWN ASS middle aged MAN cannot do public speaking over a loudspeaker so he asked ME to do it #AND I DID IT !!! #like in WHAT world am i the one being tasked with these things? and actually doing well with them? #or at my other job we have a high schooler who's like very. introverted i guess? #she isn't shy like once i talk to her she doesnt have any noticeable signs of discomfort when talking #it's just that like she very rarely initiates conversation #so i'm always the one being like hi so how was your week !! how's school going !! how's your college applications !! #talking to her and shit like I'M the one now responsible for chatting up the shy quiet coworkers #just a year or two ago /I/ was the shy quiet coworker who didnt speak unless spoken to #brot posts #delete soon #anywayz i was telling my therapist about this change in my personality and i literally used the no pickles meme as an analogy #unfortunately she has never seen that meme so it fell flat. LMAO

[random2908]

I started by telling myself I shouldn't feel bad that I didn't get all my planned chores done: Saturday is a rest day, and we've just finished three weeks of crunch at work. (Next week might also be crunch but probably not; the product ships at the end of the week but we should be in good enough shape already.)

But then I realized: I ran three errands in the morning, and did three chores in the evening--even if one of the chores was just "cook a healthy dinner" and two of the chores were banking-related on a website. (But one involved sending text messages, and one involved an actual phone call to customer service, so I can't even really say they were just on a website.) That's six things I got done on a rest day. I may have overscheduled by saying I'd do at least eight things, but still, six things is very good.

#the things I did NOT do all involve a hand drill so #I have about average upper body strength for a woman which means I do struggle somewhat with hand drills #although these chores all involve walls not metal so it's not THAT bad--except it's sideways rather than down so I can't lean into it #so yeah that's a level of chores I was not up to on my rest day #tomorrow is too booked up for chores--I told my friend I wanted to hang out with them this weekend #since I said no two weeks ago (I was fully booked) and they had to cancel on me last weekend #and normally we meet in the middle for hiking (we live 1.5 hours apart) but this time they suggested I drive all the way out #and I said yes before I realized that's what they were suggesting #so that's fine--but I can't do anything else beyond that tomorrow even just basic chores #which is a little bit getting to me because a house guest is coming to visit in four days #and I really need the shower curtain to be properly secured to the wall by then? #anything else is gravy--I already have clean sheets for her and everything--but THAT needs to be done #I've been living here almost two months and have only knocked the shower curtain down about three times so it's really not that bad #I even hang my towels on it and it's fine BUT I know how to do it? and I'm like professionally good at manipulating physical objects lol #like being a mechanic of sorts is literally a significant chunk of my job #whereas she doesn't pick up object-manipulation tasks easily--especially not involving gross motor skills #in fact when I mentioned it to her she was like yeah that was something she was not going to be able to handle #if I didn't have it properly installed by the time she arrived #so uh... well not today or tomorrow #and Monday and Tuesday I have work... and she's arriving Wednesday #ok realistically tomorrow night I'm just going to have to suck it up and get to drilling no matter how tired I am from driving and hiking