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#why tf did i post that and/or why was i being so dramatic online
caruliaa · 2 years
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the worst part abt tumblr is sometimes ur mutuals will start just postinf stuff that u feel is like. idk you personally feeel kinda rly off abt it but u have no idea if tgats reasonable or not so ur like well it would be weird nd potentally kinda dickish to try to tell them but also if it was just someone u followed ud prob unfollow then but nit only are they a mutual they r a friend mutual so ur not doing that but also u have no idea of this is like. smth showing a difference between u nd this person that might potentially fuck up ur friendship later on or manybe its literally just memes and jokes and/or they didnt think abt it that much and your just being weird and sensetive by caring abt it at all. and u dont know what to do abt it so u usually just vaugpost abt it. which is what im doing now
#i feel so like dumb like i literally feel so dumb. omg i feel so dunb#like bc i am being so dumb !!! omg#just like. idk maybe making fun of panic attacks and acting like someone is dumb for not wanting to watch smth w homophobic slurs in it#(NOT that a protag of a show were the point is the character arent all good ppl saying it just in regards to ppl not want to deal w#homophobia in the media they consume when its already smth they have to deal w irl)#kinda doesnt feel worth it to me to make fun of what is for the most part. a guy u made up.#like im sure ppl like that do exist but the post in talking abt literally talked abt it like a hypothetical type thing yk#but also i get that they mutual rbing and prob the op didnt like. mean any harm at all or anything like that like.#they prob just meant it as a funny meme thing or whatever infact they almost definatly did#im just like. being senetive and dumb abt this for no reason !!!#idk i think the problem is is that im just like. a lot more upset by being mean and making fun of ppl than others are#and i dont mean that in a im better than others way i meancthat like. as a dig to myself#bc im sure id be a much cooler+funner person to be friends w if i wasnt like this#but for some reasonn i am just a sensetive weirdo !!!! ell ohh ell#anywayy i slept fucking atroicusly late night im running on 3 hours sleep and i cant get abt to sleep#bur ill try so basically dont takevthis as me Being Online and also#consuder my sleep deprivation in everythig i am saying here i cld wake up from a nap and be like ehy tf did i say that#but also i kinda felt this way b4 i was sleep deprived so like. thatll prob still happen but itll b more like#why tf did i post that and/or why was i being so dramatic online#also i capatlized Being Online to say like. being active and present and answering asks and messages type deal#but it made me realsie that like. idk i hate how whenver i say shit like this a lot of ppl wld take it as me being overly online or whateve#when like. this is equivelant to hanging out with a group of ppl irl and a friend laughs at a joke that makes u uncomfy#its not some weird exculsivley online issue#that also annoyed me abt smth else that happened earlier this year like no i do not have a ‘’’’parasocial relationship’’’’’ w u#u r my bffs new friend who i dont like i am engaging in a teenage girl right of passage or being petty and worrying ur stealing me bestie#get it right !!!#okay i think i am talking too much ant bullshit#also to calrify i no longer feel that way abt that person those last few tags were abt it have been resolved#flappy rambles#also somw of my tags were eatn but im goin 2 sleep sorry for bein a creep a weirdo wat tha hell am i doin here……
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ham1lton · 2 months
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nepo sister?
pairing: lando norris x fellow driver’s sister!reader (no faceclaim).
summary: your sister is one of the most famous f1 drivers in history and when she suddenly has a barrage of hate and online users comparing her to a certain lando norris, you’ve gotta step in and sort it out. you couldn’t foresee the man in question being into you.
warnings: jokes about adoption but it’s lighthearted. also mentions of racism and sexism. also y/n bullying poor lando in defence of her sister.
author’s note: as i do with requests, i put my own little spin on it! hope u enjoy 💕also i used aaliyah as your sister’s faceclaim but she’s your adopted sister so y/n is still pretty much whoever you view her to be. i refer to yn’s older sis as o/s. in case you were wondering who tf that is. reminder that requests are currently still open!
edit: now part of a series ! <3
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liked by oldersister, yourbffsuser and 20,873 others.
yourusername: why is my sister so dramatic? she picked me up from the airport in a FUR jacket in a LIMO? also this cat is evil. genuinely evil. cat satan. catan?
oldersister: i was at an EVENT! 😭 you’re lucky i even picked your ass up anyways 🙄🖕🏾.
-> user1: their dynamic is so funny.
user2: y/n in melbourne for the grand prix??? 😍
user4: o/s looks sooo good 😍😍😍
user3: the cat is so cute 🥺
-> yourusername: no need to lie bae ❤️
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liked by zendaya, oldersister and 627,982 others.
yourusername: my sister before, during and after the race. plus our dad!! he’s new to this ig shit so be nice or i’ll bulldoze your grandma. let me start by just say something… my sister is one of the best drivers in the world. i see a lot of people cussing her out and all i’m gonna say is don’t pmo. she’s my sister but even besides that, her multiple historic accolades speak for themselves. quit playing with your misogynistic and racist shit before i drag your whole lineage.
oldersister: stop being so aggressive 🙄 but thank you. love you.
-> yourusername: posted this to cover the fact i spent $82 on fast food using your card 😘
-> oldersister: that’s it? that’s not the worst you’ve done tbf.
hater1: be real. lando is better than o/s in every shape and form. it’s just a fact.
-> yourusername: so why is o/s a two-time world champion and lando isn’t?
user1: SPEAK ON IT!!! 🗣️🔈
hater2: o/s is overrated.
-> yourusername: snore. ass take. come up with something original and not completely false.
user2: y/n said might i suggest you don’t fuck with my sis!!!
-> user6: she’s in her solange era 😭
user3: is this because someone said y/n was worse than lando?
-> yourusername: like 🤣 don’t ever compare the two. o/s is a world champion and lando is… lando.
-> landonorris: NO CAUSE WHY AM I IN THIS???? 😭
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liked by charles_leclerc, tomholland and 283,928 others
landonorris: just woke up to my name trending on twitter. what you say fuck me for 😭😭 stop using my name to drag my fellow drivers i’m begging you.
user1: no cause if anything these haters are lando antis and not o/s antis. they set your ass up omgggg. pure insane hate.
user2: fighting for my life defending you.
user3: the three diff angles of the same george crying vid is crazy work ngl.
-> georgerussell63: no cause HE got dragged and now he’s setting ME up.
-> user3: dw king. find solace in that he either searched google purely for this photo or had them saved onto his phone. haters nowadays are fans in denial.
-> landonorris: nah i’m just a hater.
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liked by landonorris, oldersister and 726,733 others.
yourusername: i met lando nowins. i guess he’s cool.
oldersister: now that’s just not right.
-> landonorris: i know!! after the four hour long convo y/n and i had, she still drags me 😔💔.
-> oldersister: i wasn’t talking about that. i’m talking about the picture she chose for me. why did she use that photo after catching me off guard??? and if you know y/n, get ready for the bullying. she does it to all her loved ones.
user2: HELPJSJSJAKA
user3: this is the content i follow you for y/n.
*liked by yourusername.*
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3 am’s a crazy time for it but it occurs to me i may as well give a heads up that i am like, for real at the present assuming that i’m gonna like, sometime in the very near future here be going offline again, in that sort of my ~plan~ (my one-step plan) is seeing if i can get myself on a bus (hopefully) and see if that can get me to the west coast. and from there i’ll just be like, well here i am in a place i’ve never been before, being unhoused for the second time but this time not living in my car, which is a bit different than living right out in the open, which i’ve never done. this, for example, is why i was looking up how to do makeshift stp devices. way easier to be able to pee wherever you are than have to find a place you can drop your whole pants, or an actual bathroom. apparently cutting the end off one of those plastic liquid medicine measuring things with the sorta spoon at its mouth works. anyways
i suppose it hasn’t necessarily showed but for a few weeks now i’ve def been feeling The Impending Pressure and it was getting down to the wire there not knowing if the Last Day Online would spring itself on me suddenly. but i can at least say i think i’ll have a days warning now and be able to say something with at least a matter of hours forewarning and not like, a matter of minutes. its been sorta wild though like, sorta assuming its like a Two Days Remain situation and in the midst of the unpredictability of depression, trying to just enjoy things as they’re happening, the simple stuff like chatting with people and being able to put my bullshit thoughts online...cranking out a fic chapter because it’s at least a better place to leave it hanging than it wouldve been otherwise.....just consuming this content that’s enjoyable and chill af.......i tell ya what—both in terms of being Fun and Anxiety-Reducing and Good Distractions and also, a great opportunity just to be talking to people on the daily which has been and continues to be absolutely fantastic—having been On that deh/etc will roland train for the past couple months has been a total gift. it was some great luck stumbling into that, seriously
anyways it’s weird! it’s weird thinking just like, i’ll suddenly do this thing and be on the other coast and just step out and be somewhere i don’t know and with no particular destination and maybe the lgbt center i looked up will at least tell me whats the best area to be in, sometimes they’re in the know abt that re: where’s a better spot to be homeless in than others. and from there, y’know, all i’ve been doing for years and all i can continue to do is absolutely wing it. and it’s funny that this all seems slightly less intimidating to me than it wouldve like, a year or two ago (even tho two yrs ago i was technically homeless lol but living in my car so like i said its different from living Right on the street) but honestly, obviously, it’s still very intimidating because how could it not be. i’m maybe not AS anxious but i’m still anxious and even though i know i could do it, i’d be stressed tf out and anxious as hell and shit while i was doing it. i mean, a crosscountry bus ride alone—i’ve never done that!! what if i mess up switching over to a different connecting ride between stations. bus and train bathrooms unnerve me, god forbid i have to get past someone to get to the aisle to GO to the bathroom. and, yknow, just a really long bus ride—how do you manage to sleep, how do i manage not to fall asleep at the wrong time cuz i doubt there’s an attendant telling you to get off at the right stop. though god knows it’s somewhat arbitrary where i’m deciding to go, i have no especial connection in one particular place over another, i think i have an uncle and cousin in CA but i don’t have the first idea where and i don’t know them at all
ugh. like there’s no actual way to feel good about it but if i’m gonna go somewhere it might as well be in a completely different place and i could try the west coast and i’m not one for making careful plans or thinking that making careful plans about your life works unless you’ve already got a lot of control about your situation, which i don’t. and it’s always been p inevitable that i wind up “properly” homeless, and it happens, and i don’t pretend it doesn’t scare me, but what are you gonna do? c’est ca que c’est / la vie. this way there’s a chance that A Big Change might lead the way for something better, and like hey if i die or some shit i die, which has always been a possibility anyways for the past like 6-7 years especially, what with how shitty i’ve felt lol. but i have no attachment where i’m at now and just. it’s hard to explain i guess if you’re not in the kind of place where i’m at but there’s not a lot of choices in the first place so, if i can choose the location, if it can be somewhere new where i MIGHT like to be for once, that’s better than not. and somehow so far i’ve managed to go with the flow surrounding big changes and sometimes wild situations, even if i’ve felt like crap and been super worried sometimes too. i don’t know for how many years now i’ve been Not assuming i’d be alive by the next year, but here i am having gotten this far, at least. it’s fairly impressive even if i don’t have any amazing achievements. believe it or not i’m pretty satisfied with my Achievements as just like, dumbass blog posts and fic/art and occasionally contributing something someone enjoys and getting to talk to people sometimes. it’s how i’ve been able to enjoy myself in the midst of some really awful times for the past like 6 yrs and i’ve appreciated it every day i’ve gotten to surf the net
like i guess it’s like haha, nerd, that half of what i’m worried about is being offline. but it’s a big deal being able to connect w the world beyond your immediate reach and distract yourself and say things and maybe even Enjoy yourself and also actually get to talk to people. but hey sometimes even people who live on the street manage to snag wifi connections somehow. i’d have to ask them how, lol. but, yknow, like i said, for a couple weeks especially it’s been like , Not Assuming I’ll NOT Lose Internet Connection and thus really trying to bear down on appreciating it. not like being offline for 5 months or so didn’t also make me appreciate it extra already. i was gonna say i survived it but i did get wildly depressed throughout like, august? september? probably both lol. anyways. what i’m trying to say i guess is that i’m not actually assuming i’ll be okay, but that only means so much because like, not to sound dramatic but i’ve pretty much never been okay on account of ive been just a half step away from living on the streets ever since leaving my parents house where i’d previously lived my whole life, which was an abusive situation. and also the depression and the years of really wanting to die which, at least 2018 didn’t have TOO much of that, in terms of feeling like it might be impending. now i can’t really be bothered, i’m just floating along and if i die i die, right. what i’m trying to say is, there’s not really any Good Proper option to choose where i’m definitely okay, so it’s basically about choosing between bad options, and with this choice i might at least like the location a little better, change of scenery, not as cold as here, i dunno. there’s not a way to just choose my way into being okay. it’s all a roll of the dice anyhow
also it’s weird but one thing about being on my own is it takes the pressure off me in certain ways and it’s a bit easier for me to Do things. if there’s anyone else to answer to in any way, i tend to just not ever decide anything and definitely don’t pursue anything. i’m one of those ppl who either has to live alone or with ppl they’re really really really comfortable with, and since i don’t have the latter around and nobody especially me can afford the former, it’s like, well, how is not everybody homeless anyway, right? and people do it. because yknow, you have to do it, it’s suddenly just your situation and somehow people get through every day. idk. learn as you go. what can ya do. it’s choosing between various bad options, i could also just wander into the mountains and die, but i’d rather not, and offing myself is Way a hassle, and also would be difficult, same as dying of exposure/dehydration in this middle of nowhere patch of mtns. i might as well try my luck at being in a place where you COULD maybe survive or something, and where i could at least feel like, if i do manage to have any good things happen, i would even possibly want to be in that area and be more comfortable living there. i have no roots anywhere and only have a No Zone (near my parents house) and so its sorta like, pick a random place to be!! lol. ahhhh
what can i say. it also sucks having to think “boy, in addition to not dying, hope i don’t get physically/sexually assaulted—also, how do people get water??” but......such is the way that it is. i don’t know. i don’t think anybody looks at impending homelessness and goes “i’m okay about this and not at all afraid.” and it’s strange to talk about how this is sort of ~by choice~ but it’s not exactly, in that i didn’t choose to only have abusive family and how even though i was working while living in my car it would never have been enough for rent probably even if i had someone to split it with and i also didn’t choose to not be rich in the first place and *the economy...... .png*
sigh. i dunno, it’s hard because i can’t talk about it a right way or long enough and get to a point i don’t feel intimidated or upset that once i Go Offline i’ll for real just be on my own unless and until i manage to get online for a moment again, in which case i’ll still be on my own, but i’ll feel a bit less alone, ha ha
anyways. speaking of trying to appreciate the simple pleasures of talking about whatever weird shit i wanna talk about and pushing myself to draw/write as it feels like it gets even more down to the wire—time to do that! 4 am and time to draw this weird meme & hopefully crank out the rest of this oneshot & maybe even draw again, and maybe again—it’s cool cuz i slept weird the other night and then got again weirdly tired in the afternoon and took a long depression nap w sorta fun, sorta bizarre dreams. augh. so at least i figure i’m just cruisin now, Not Sleeping-wise
i might have to ask a favor eventually in that there’s something really super simple i ought to look up, but i’d have a ton of trouble making myself do so because of anxiety, yknow how it is. but i’ll ask that if and when i ask it
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