tokruta - Tumblr blog

tokruta · 1 month

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Hey please don’t do anything to yourself.

It’s okay to ask for help.

It’s not cringe.

im not sure if ive ever done this before and im not sure if i ever will again but one note is one day of my life thet i stay. i know this is cringe and lame and whatever but im just running out of things to keep me here.

#tw suicide #tw sui ideation #please don’t do anything to yourself #i don’t have the bandwidth currently for anything more than this #but please know that at least one person doesn’t want you to leave #and if you need more days constantly #im currently crocheting a bear with a cardigan if you want to see it when i’m done #and any other crochet project in the future #if you want

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tokruta · 5 months

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damn i fell off

#hasanabi #i haven't been here in a while #been busy #not having a life but busy nonetheless

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tokruta · 5 months

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Can’t believe I slept through Kissinger dying

RIP Bozo you ain’t waking up anywhere but hell

#henry kissinger #hasan’t #us politics #can’t believe this fucker lived to 100

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tokruta · 6 months

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Okay, so my grandfather passed away recently and I was finally able to do some math instead of literally just asking anybody. He passed at 95. In 1956 my grandmother's family died and he took to finishing raising her brothers, I always took it to mean they were on the considerably younger side but apparently they were in their mid to late teens at this point. Either way, in 1956 he would have been 28. He's 5 years older than my grandmother so she would have been 23. My father is about 68 and is the youngest of three, and would likely be less than one year old at the time. Now, I'm not sure how much older his oldest brother is, but I believe its not more than at most 6 years, which would put him at about 6yrs old in 1956. Assuming my grandparents had their first kid shortly after getting married, that would put my grandmother at around 17 and my grandfather at 22 at the, likely, youngest. Which... isn't the best, but that's not too bad for the 1950s I think. Don't ask me why I went about a roundabout way using 1956 as reference instead of just using years like a normal person.

First of all, sorry for your loss ❤️

Yeah, 17 and 22 isn't the worst. By modern standards, it's not good, but it's definitely on the milder side of age gaps I've seen. Regardless, there is a bit of a shift in how we can see our relatives after finding out such things. It's always important to remember to not apply all societal norms to them, but simultaneously recognize some things are morally dubious or wrong.

I've known for years that my grandmother had my mom at 17, almost 18, and that my grandfather is 4 years older (so a similar age gap to your grandparents). They married a few months after her 17th birthday. Not something I'd deem acceptable today, but in a rural rancho in Mexico in the 60s? It was the norm, not a particularly savory one, but a norm nonetheless. This was my baseline expectation for most of the age gaps I'd find, and, as you know, my expectations were shattered in the worst ways.

All that to say, if I'm not projecting too much (and feel free to tell me that I am), I think I understand how you felt after you did the math. Especially when it's people you know/knew. I don't know your relationship with your grandfather, so I won't speak on that, but it can feel a bit disconcerting to fully understand and internalize something somewhat distressing (not sure that's the right word but whatever) about them you didn't know before. Going back to my grandparents, I remember the shift I felt when I thought about their lives in comparison to my own. When I turned 18 and thought about my grandmother having had an almost 2-month-old baby to take care of as a poor elementary-school-educated married woman, while I had just finished high school and was off to college soon, obligation-free. When I turned 21, I was in Mexico visiting my grandparents, and I looked at my grandfather and wondered what it was like to look at your 17-year-old bride, whom you had been seeing since she was at least 16, and see a woman, not a child. That was the summer before I started at my new university and I was horrified at the thought of dating a 19-year-old let alone a barely 17-year-old. I love my grandparents, and in the grand scheme of things their age gap wasn't bad by the standards of the time, but that didn't stop me from feeling discombobulated about how I felt about their early relationship. It's a mixed bag.

Anyway, maybe I'm reading too much into this and it was just something you wanted to share (a sort of dip into the genealogical, if you will, like when I just blast my ancestors on main just cuz lol) but I hope this response was a good one? My words get away from me and having no character limits allows me to ramble to my heart's content lol

Now, for some bonus random knowledge about my ancestors. I've been a bit busier lately, so I haven't gotten much genealogical work done, but turns out I'm descended from, at minimum, 3 different siblings of the same man on my dad's side. One of my great*5 grandfathers had children from 1789 (one of my direct ancestors) up til 1842 (with a different wife) and I just... this man had children for around 50 years!!! What the hell!!! My great*4 grandfather, his firstborn, was old enough to be his youngest sibling's grandfather!!

I am both appalled and fascinated. I remember when I first started seeing the same name show up on different branches, IN DIFFERENT GENERATIONS (APPROXIMATELY 50 YEARS OF OFFSPRING FROM THIS MAN!!!!), I got more and more nervous. While I'm trying not to think of the incest aspects of this (I'll have to work it out later, once I actually start organizing the "tree"), I'm at least glad that it was many generations back and I haven't seen his name on my mom's side (yet...hopefully I won't but who knows).

#ask box #w3nsday #hasan't

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tokruta · 6 months

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Not his dad walking in

#love it when one of his parents walk in on him saying some depraved shit #one of my fave moments is when his mom walked in on him talking about dry jacking #or the amazing ‘I’m gaming with t-pain mom’#hasanabi #hasan piker #video

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tokruta · 6 months

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#another one #hasan piker #hasanabi

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tokruta · 6 months

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hes sooooooooooooooooooooooo

#here's some #hasanabi posting #as a treat #hasanabi #hasan piker #i can't get over his wig lol but he do look good

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tokruta · 6 months

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Happy Halloween!

Got back into the Marauders fandom just in time for some fresh ✨pain✨ love that for me 🥲 absolutely love that

No I haven’t cried yet shut up you cried

#marauders #harry potter #halloween #i apologize to anyone who gets this on their dash and hates hp #but i have over 100 followers for some reason (mostly many hasanabi heads followed me last year lol)#so i always feel a lil guilty putting out anything hp #maybe i should post on my sideblog again #hasan't

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tokruta · 6 months

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i don't know if it's bc of my period or something else

but i've been so fucking sad these last few days

like, actually crying and shit

it's super annoying, it has to be bc of my period it's the only explanation i have

#i may not get cramps (thank fuck) but i do get super mopey and sleepy #luckily yesterday was sunday bc i slept like 17 hours...#personal #hasan't

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tokruta · 6 months

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a follow up:

i also like albus/scorpius. i haven't really read much bc i don't read next gen stuff often, but i think it's cute and really enjoy it

70s drarry? love it

2010s drarry? like it

the og 90s drarry that started it all? ....no

someone who is good at psychology help me understand why i adore jegulus with all my heart but don't like drarry outside of very specific aus

please my family is dying (my ability to read jegulus lives aus is heavily compromised)

#jegulus #drarry #scorbus #harry potter #hasan't

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tokruta · 6 months

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someone who is good at psychology help me understand why i adore jegulus with all my heart but don't like drarry outside of very specific aus

please my family is dying (my ability to read jegulus lives aus is heavily compromised)

#jegulus #drarry #harry potter #my greatest shame is that i can't completely drop hp fan content #i'll never touch official hp stuff (and haven't since like 2018)#but the fan content slaps so hard #especially the marauders stuff. been a james girlie since 2008 #my leading theory is that i just don't like draco and the few aus im talking about have to do with getting me to like him first #i think the only time i actually shipped drarry is in the dark prince trilogy bc they were bffs and super supportive to each other in a way #i found very compelling. the trilogy is hinny but if it was drarry i would have been 100% okay with it #so since each fic needs to win me over on draco instead of starting at me already liking him it's too much effort to read drarry so i don't #(i like regulus. everyone is allowed 1 death eater to like (obv you can like more i just mean ppl who despise them) and mine is him.#what can i say? the black brothers the stolen horcrux and the love for kreacher compel me. loved reggie long before i shipped jegulus)#does anyone have any jegulus lives aus with hinny? that'd be great!#hasan't

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tokruta · 6 months

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Angela Giarratana will never cease to serve cunt

#her 💕#y'know maybe i should watch horror movies #(i avoid them they scare me lol)#where the killer or whatever antagonist force is an unhinged woman #bc i absolutely adored grace and that shot in the 3rd pic #*swoon*#loved that turn #starkid #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #grace chasity #hasan't

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tokruta · 6 months

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Grace Chastity is the most character ever.

She is 18 years of age and thinks carrying books is equivalent to sex, she’s got the school bully wrapped around her finger and doesn’t even know it, she announced her desire for anal at the dinner table, she wanted to fuck the quarterback so bad she decided to ruin his social status instead and accidentally murdered him, she can bury a body well, she refuses to swear, she’s held several people at gunpoint, the first time she swore she called god a son of a bitch, her chastity is the most important thing to her, she lost her virginity to a ghost, she doesn’t even drink caffeine and instead has warm water, she consumes the souls of men after making a deal with eldritch horrors.

GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GRACE CHASTITY I GET WHY BILL WANTED ALICE TO DATE SOMEONE LIKE HER

#gracy baby you’re so silly 😝 i love you 🥰#need me a freak like that #but not really #nerdy prudes must die #nerdy prudes spoilers #npmd spoilers #grace chasity #hasan’t

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tokruta · 6 months

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Just watched Nerdy Prudes Must Die and apparently it’s part of a trilogy???? I need to watch the other two now ig

Hope Grace Chastity is in those too, love me a religious nut job, it’s the Catholic trauma in me :)

Also the Lords of Black (or whatever their name is) song slapped so hard, I think it’s my fave and am looking forward to seeing them again (guessing by the audience reaction to them)

#she was my fave character and we love to see a girlboss winning lol #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #grace chasity #starkid #hasan't

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tokruta · 6 months

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never lose focus when making caramel

it hurts so much

#hasan't #personal #hurts to type bye

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tokruta · 6 months

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Life isn't over until you're dead

LIFE ISN'T OVER UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!!!!