academla

[academla]

Guys, I made it!

Wow, it’s crazy to be back on here. I don’t know if anyone still follows me and/or remembers I exist, at this point. I came here because I finally let go of my domain name. It was a really difficult decision which felt like leaving a part of my life behind me and closing a chapter, but I don’t use this blog enough anymore to justify the cost. 

I created this blog over FIVE years ago. It’s associated with so many memories - primarily good, but also some of the shittiest times of my life. Regardless, my time in the studyblr community was pretty formative and I’m so glad I was able to experience it. I have zero regrets and never will.

Even though I’m leaving it behind indefinitely, my blog will forever be a part of me. I’m still getting emails and some comments on the fanfic that somehow stirred up controversy and drama in 2017, I actually sent The Academic Zine to one of my account leads at work the other day, and in my interview for my current job I talked a lot about how running my blog influenced and reflected who I am, my strengths as well as my weaknesses. I’m still in touch with the company that reached out to me about collaborating on a self-help book so you never know... maybe someday the stars will align and that will pan out!

This is more for my own closure than anything (so please forgive my rambling) but I know I have periodically come here and posted brief updates. If I recall correctly, they are usually also associated with empty promises/declarations of an inevitable return, which I can safely say is most likely not going to happen anytime soon.

Hard to believe I had just graduated high school when I first joined. To those who still remember me and my journey - trying to juggle mental health, school, and paying my way through college - here’s a final (for now... I’ll probably be on here in another 5 years when all the people I used to follow are like, getting married and having babies LOL) update on my achievements in the past year or so. I’m by no means perfect and I have a long but exciting road ahead of me, but put in the context of the person I was even 2 years ago, I would say with cautious optimism and pride that I did indeed make it.

Updates below, in case you aren’t reeling enough from the wall of text that just unexpectedly popped up on your dash...

- I graduated summa cum laude from the honors college in May 2020 with my psychology BS and the 4.0 GPA that my mental health sometimes seemed destined to make an impossible achievement. Even in the end I had to take an Incomplete for one of my courses because I was unfortunately in the midst of a relapse. This shit is real, guys. But even in spite of it, I was able to succeed.

- I paid for 6 out of all 8 semesters, as was my goal all along - through working my ass off and trying to be somewhat responsible with money. Donations I received through here were a massive help as well and I’ll be forever grateful for each and every person who contributed. I also applied for and received a few merit scholarships, which helped. I graduated with $15k of debt, which is less than half the national average. So, I did pretty well for myself.

- I’ve undergone some tough mental health challenges and hurdles. Some of the darkest times I’ve ever sustained, where I was scared for/of myself and was so much worse than I was when I was 15 yet had so fewer resources. Somehow I made it through - and will continue to. I made that pledge in 2015 and I still stand by it.

- I’m now working for a market research company. I knew by graduation that I didn’t want to be in academia, but I didn’t know if I had enough passion/commitment to a clinical career to undergo the financial, mental, and academic burden of a graduate program. I had a minor existential crisis over that all summer. Fortuitously, I emailed one of my favorite psychology professors from my freshman year and her son-in-law was able to refer me to this market research company. Everything came together and I love my job more than ANYTHING. Work is (most of the time) incredibly fun and something I look forward to every day. 

- EDITED TO ADD: I’m also living on my own in the city, hooray! I thought the day would never come, but luckily it did. It’s painfully expensive (because city) but for the amenities, location, and quality of the 1-bedroom apartment relative to many other options I looked at, it’s worth it. We can reassess whether or not I’m broke in August when the lease is up.

Listen, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve dealt with a lot of adversity and trauma, too. And at the same time I am fortunate: I was raised in a (mostly) loving household, I was afforded educational opportunities that not everyone is lucky enough to have, I was able to get the help and support I needed when I was unsafe. I won’t invalidate my own struggles because the hard work I’ve invested, the literal blood, sweat, and tears, all of that - that was real and valid. But I don’t take a single thing for granted.

I made it, and you can too. If you are a stranger wondering who the hell I am, you can go here if you want to be assaulted by a wall of text, or here for a more concise and recently updated synopsis.

That’s all I’ll say for now (did anyone miss my novel-length posts?) but I do still manage my email address ([email protected]) if for any reason anyone is looking to connect. 

Just for the hell of it, I’m also updating some of my pages. Catch you (I’m talking into a void right now, I know) on the flip side!

#studyblr #update

[academla]

The sun’s starting to become a lazy riser, a sure sign of fall approaching 🍂 . I love autumn, but I’d be lying if I said it’s been easy to crawl from bed when there’s hardly any light pushing me to my feet. I’ve been placing some of my manuscript bedside, a squinty-eyed focus of motivation in the morning before I zombie walk to pour some tea and settle into my desk to write. You do whatever you got to do! #amwriting #amediting (at Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2RaNDzApDz/?igshid=9mvhurqoiko8

[academla]

12.08.19 - 22/100 days of productivity 🐇

Comecei e terminei de assistir às aulas do assunto atual de física. No caso dessa matéria (e algumas outras), a parte teórica não ajuda muito no progresso e somente os exercícios podem fazer esse trabalho, então amanhã vou passar o dia inteiro resolvendo questões. Tomara que funcione!

[academla]

1 0 . 8 . 1 9

cranked out an eight page philosophy essay and saved three bees in the process 🐝

[academla]

today is transcription day aka my least favourite thing to do so i had to motivate myself with my favourite iced matcha.

[academla]

180819 // productive morning

[academla]

11 october 2019 | 1/100 dop

i had personal training at 8:30 and my legs feel all wobbly

had a meeting to discuss my medical issues so i can get all the help + accommodations i may need while at uni

had a sociology lecture followed by a sociology seminar

[academla]

I never know when I’m *allowed* to post my bullet journal pictures anymore bc, although I’ve finally gotten to the best place with using it, the spreads aren’t super interesting to look at anymore lol. every week looks pretty much the same in format but this system is really working for me. I love the simplicity!

also, it’s My blog. I’m going to post what I want when I want to. My rules. obv.

now playing:

hideaway- jacob collier

en nuit- vidéoclub 

[academla]

Spending my breaks in between class drinking coffee and reading my books in my university's coffee shop. A little break between engineering and science while savoring great literature.

Currently reading: The unbearable lightness of being by Milan Kundera.

[academla]

10:43 AM | breakfast + yesterday’s journal entry

my most recent blog post

~listening to~ ugotme by omar apollo

[academla]

another week means another chance at doing better this time

[academla]

12.03.16 -

Saturday morning essay cranking, feat. french press coffee and a cozy fireplace

[academla]

4/100 Days of Productivity.

”I am back, but I did not leave.” Spent a week hiking in the wilderness & mountains. Marveling, learning. I am back at my white desk, clean and eager to continue my studies.

[academla]

09.01.18

I have been doing pretty good this year with the amount of time I have. My teachers post all the homework for the unit in one day and that helped me so much, because I can organise my time way better.

[academla]

➵ 21.07.19 // terrifying realisation of the day™; I'll probably never manage to read all the books on my tbr during my lifetime if it keeps growing at this rate

[academla]

10.10.2019; today i did some adulting and (re-)started the process to obtain my actual physical diploma, which may take a while, and took control over my finances. i think i'm quite savvy with money and i'm good at saving, but i created a detailed excel document with all my financial information and goals where i will write down my spending habits to learn more about them.

[academla]

27.08.19 // this past week, I moved back in at my university and I’ve been getting settled in before classes start on Wednesday. I’m very excited about getting back into the routine of classes as studying and feeling productive after having such a long summer home✨