ahensfin

[ahensfin]

Day 2: Tip Calculator

cool girls uwu-fy their code 💪🏼

#100 days of code

[ahensfin]

100 Days of Code- Day 1: Band Name Generator

Wow this woman's voice is SO soothing, I almost fell asleep. Nevertheless, I did it- now only to find members willing to join a jazz band called Chicago Ass Eaters

#100 days of code #programming #code

[ahensfin]

the lowest grade I've ever gotten at university is a B, and that was on my most severely procrastination-brained, low effort given, under prepared assignment. I have never once gotten lower than a B on any single assignment/exam/class and I don't plan on it happening anytime soon. I mentioned before that I treat academia like a sport. It's something that I literally train for and give it the effort that an athlete would. B's are F's in my mind bc I know that I am capable of getting A's if I put forth A-student effort and training. I have a lot of school related asks to go through when I get some time for them and I'm gonna help y'all out with a nice long 'study like 2pretty' masterpost. we do beauty AND brains around here, I can't have y'all falling behind!

[ahensfin]

Matt Shirley

[ahensfin]

Self-discipline has a bigger effect on academic performance than does intellectual talent.

[ahensfin]

Forget boys and being beautiful.

I solved that integral before the rest of my classmates. That's all the joy I need

[ahensfin]

i call my parents and say ‘yeah i can’t do family stuff tonight, i got too much stuff to do for school’ and i e-mail my professor and say ‘i can’t do my assignments tonight, work got crazy’ and i text my boss and say ‘sorry i can’t work late tonight, i gotta some family stuff’ and through this triangulation of deceitful excuses i at last will be free

[ahensfin]

I was in a library and my mom brought Ellen DeGeneres to come try and talk me out of being transgender and it made me so angry, that I just beat the shit out of Ellen before going to get ice cream afterwards.

[ahensfin]

[ahensfin]

x

[ahensfin]

Gotta love learning about the wonderful world of high finance.

[ahensfin]

🐡100 Days of Being My Favorite Self🦜~Day 1

This is the year I'm going to turn 18 and it's time I stop shoving all the cool bits about myself deep down just because people might not care when I talk about something I'm interested in BUT FUCK THAT.

I'm going to live for myself goddammit and be as insane as possible.

Secondly, I guess I woke up one day in 7th grade and decided I wanted to go to like, Harvard because that was the most difficult thing I could think of but after they deferred me and I was barely fazed (concerning) I stumbled upon UChicago and its quirky self. Therefore, in a totally emotionally stable manner, I'm obsessed with it now. Yay!

I was going through a writing slump before but ever since I started tackling the UC Hicago prompts my brain started churning out acid and I ended up with the trippiest essays I've ever written but I'm proud of them and that's that.

Kind of crazy, but I'm applying to 15 colleges and I just submitted Colby and Wake Forest on Jan 1.

I have Northwestern and Yale due tonight (kinda- they're technically due tomorrow afternoon because timezones) and I'm done with the essays but I feel like the Why Us essays could definitely be stronger because when I read them today morning I thought they were unbelievably cringe and didn't have as much detail as I packed into my UC Hicago essay.

I also have to finish three whole projects I procrastinated on- ~ Analysis of Wipro's cash flow statement ~ Calculating the accounting ratios from that annual report and figuring out what they mean ~ english essay on brain drain I've also ended up forming this habit of sleeping at 3 and waking up at 11 which will be torture when school starts in two days. I also have an English mock on 4th that I will study last minute for because English is easy. I'm also kind of worried about college because as seen above, I don't have the healthiest study habits which I've heard can absolutely destroy you in college so I hope I remember to hit the ground running when I finally get there.

[ahensfin]

[ahensfin]

So You’ve Fled Worse Websites For This One And Wish To Make A Hellsite A Hellhome

Just a friendly reminder that on this godforsaken website you can and should do the following few things that involve going into your settings:

1: Under Dashboard, disable Best Stuff First, Include Stuff In Your Orbit and Based On Your Likes. The former ruins the how the timeline works here, the middle violates the sanctity of anonymity if people you follow don’t want you to see their likes, the latter is a crapshoot and annoying and inaccurate because the likes algorithm is fucked.

2: Under Account, turn off letting people finding your blog through your email address, your email should not be just out there like that.

3: Under Notifications, turn off news because nobody knows what the hell is popular or gaining traction at any given moment. Posts from 6 years ago will randomly gain a resurgence of popularity for no good reason. Also just turn off the stuff that gives you immediate info about notes or updates or notices it’s just so fucking annoying and useless.

Under Appearance, you can choose to make who you follow private and what you’ve Liked private. I recommend doing both of those things. The old days of dumbass slapfights and following discourse are long gone but not yet over. Defend your mental health by just not letting folks know what you’re following or what you like, do what the Bird Site never ever let you do. From here you can also choose to turn anonymous asks off and that’s a good way to learn who you need to block if they’re being a shit to you, which to that I say block early and block often.

This website is different than the Bird Site in that 1: it will not tell you who to follow and 2: Likes do nothing, Reblogs are what matters. Likes are nice but Reblogs keep the blood pumping and posts/works by artists circulating. You can even choose to reblog your own stuff. This site is a massive sea of islands that have boats parked around them and bridges between them. There are, regrettably, Nazis and TERFs and tradcaths on this site. I have never seen them except for when they decide to pick fights with people I follow. You should also make it abundantly clear those people are not welcome to interact with you. You can threaten them with death here. It tends to work. Tell the fascists to die, recirculate the blood of content, treat this site well and keep it healthy and it will keep your mind healthy in turn.

This site allows a shocking amount of anonymity in the modern age. You don’t have to share personal information if you don’t want to. I don’t recommend you do. People can and have used DNI criteria and trigger/content warnings to dunk on people or upset them. Keep yourself and your data safe, you don’t have to have a carrd in your header or a list of kinks or a laundry list of things you believe in. Keep strangers at an arm’s length and moderate what you tell other people about yourself. I know this used to be the internet’s #1 naked picture dump and so many people courted parasocial relationships with folks here. Those times have changed. Don’t be weird and don’t let people be weird to you based on what they know about you.

By many standards on this website, I am an old-timer, even though I’ve been here steadily since 2015 with an initial reg date of 2013. I know the old stories, of the Oncelor, of Dashcon, the Kickstarter scams, the doxxing. I only qualify as an old-timer due to the fact that I stayed through the porn ban of 2018 and kept circulating content. This site…it’s not good, but it is what you make of it. Curate your content, even though the tagging system doesn’t work. Find what you like, even though the search function sucks ass. If you’re here for popularity you generally won’t find it because the algorithm straight up does not work, but also if you were forged in the fires of the Bird Site you likely knew this would not be the case. My advice is to find a handful of people who provide a feed like I do and if any specific names you see a lot interest you, skim their own blogs, follow them if you like, let your network spread, never be afraid to prune who you follow. Also your follower count doesn’t mean shit, it doesn’t really dictate who can see what you’re putting out there, your marketing and self-promotion is more or less tied 1:1 to using the tag system and your own hustle.

My other advice is to be as queer as you want, support queer people, and most importantly to tell the fascists to die as creatively as you’d like.

[ahensfin]

✨Cult Making Tutorial🤪

Okay, so this isn't some quirky eDgY commentary on rejecting organised ancient religion and its impact on culture which an overtly politically aggressive teenager made in 2022 due to feeling suppressed/oppressed by a couple of old people and a book telling them how to behave because even if the book or the old people weren’t really saying anything that was too intolerable or anything but the teenager just hated being told how to behave in a world they happened to find themselves in okay? It's NOT THAT.

This is serious business!!1!1!!%2@!!!??!??

Step 1: Find something original to idolize/ convince your followers to idolize.

There’s just such a saturated market for religious beliefs these days. Why is your positive role model(s) always in the sky and negatives at the bottom? For so many schools of thought claiming to be radical, they sure are more of a middle school type than an art school type.

Since the author of this piece happens to believe in teaching through example, let’s make a religion together. This one will be based on the idea that one-half of our brains belong to our real selves and the other was attached at birth. The other half that was put in is more gullible and easily distracted, thus effectively allowing you to function in daily life, rather than being hopelessly paralysed by the absurdity of existence.

Most beginners make the mistake of choosing the name first. This is bad, mostly because names of religions reveal the core of the school of thought almost immediately which completely defeats the purpose. It allows those who didn't inherit your religion from their meek-minded parents to develop an opinion from the outside instead of trying it out first.

And every smart, budding prima donna (an umbrella term for religious thought entrepreneurs- we would just use entrepreneurs but the common person has a rather toxic relationship with money so lets not) knows that we get them when they try it out.

GET THEM IN THE 30 DAY FREE TRIAL THAT  AUTOMATICALLY CHARGES TO YOUR CARD DEAL GUYS!

Step 2: Find someone to hate together

Families that hate together, stay together. The Indians would never have agreed on anything if they didn’t have the British to hate. Many religions hate women. Even their own women hate other women. It’s pretty awesome and gets them to spend a lot of money which is what we want. Feminism is a cool experimental cult founded by Anais Nin, and she told me that the thing that they chose to unite and hate against is (obviously) injustice against people who identify as women, but any PD who’s been to Making a Cult Classic 101 knows that a religion is supposed to remain rigid and uncompromising or no one will take it seriously. But Anais was walking through tricky territory here because her project was all about progression, right? Of course, since this is totally never-been-done-before, feminism is pretty elastic and keeps moving ahead and adapting to the current environment. But what Nin really did well, was disguising the common enemy, because when the common enemy cannot be scrutinized, it can only be felt, not analysed. If it cannot be analysed, it cannot be broken down. The common enemy is bitterness. VERY COOL ANAIS! Bitterness keeps advocates and believers overtly human, and overtly human nature is to take three steps forward, one step back(ideal situation is one step forward one step back). For keeping this handy guide brief, I will not elaborate, but further for-fun type research is encouraged on this topic. Easy topics and suggestions for your first cult can be:

-Promiscuous women

-Anyone who doesn’t think your favourite quote from your main book is what you think it is

-people who don't wear your uniform (please pick something that's not white and/or black im begging you like any other colour would be cool)

-themselves (self-hatred keeps them angsty and spicy okay while self-assuredness makes them apathetic and not as free with their wallets) 

-i would say racism but if you pick that I will bump you down by three letter grades for lack of originality this is not a joke 

Taking our brain example into consideration, I will not be taking the common enemy as gynecologists or governments because the first has a gaping plothole- what about babies not born in hospitals?? And the second because it’s really really really overused. Let's take the common enemy to be oxygen, a hallucinogen that causes this tumorous growth in our skulls, which can only be prevented by going back to whatever planet we escaped from. Further lore such as why we escaped, who or what is preventing us from going back et cetera can be decided later. Left brainers can hate right brainers. That one guy who got a rod through his head and had fluctuating personalities can be That One Frequently Referenced Figure TM.  

Step 3: Pick a Book!

This is the fun part because it's the easiest. You might not even have to write the book yourself! The ones written in dead languages are the best though. Some interesting religious “books” have been walls, stones, boards, dashboards, and recently home screens. Not to geek out about Nin again, but she chose to NOT have any book! But every religion needs a template, and feminists got theirs from Tumblr. It is also believed that r/incel was founded by an overcompensating mom who was deprived of affection by her mom (*wow Anais really laid the groundwork for all this hereditary mother-daughter trauma dayum she did her homework what a pioneer) but you know, reddit megathreads became the new Bible.

* important note- previously established religions will always affect newer concepts it's impossible to escape it, so the best course of action is to either address it or bury it. Ignoring it wouldn’t bode well in the long run. 

Our books can be Pinterest (I just really like Pinterest) but it also makes sense because the home screen shows a pretty accurate summation of your personality and interests which can be psychoanalysed by followers. 

Step 4: Other Religious Paraphernalia

Such things come up over the course of time and have a lot to do with the economic conditions, other dominant religions, fashions, et cetera.

MUSIC!!!! MAKE IT EERIE!!! EVERY MEETING IS A  P A R T Y

For example, Astrology has newly incorporated gemstones, manifestation journals and Lana del Rey. Drugs are an important aspect of this subheading. Older religions used more crass, easily attainable drugs such as opiates, smoked leaves of any kind, fermented syrup on Fridays, that specific type of worm, and such. Harder, more chemically manufactured drugs must be studied before incorporation (fentanyl’s hard to make room for in the budget when you guys are trying to build a pyre in the desert on a regular basis).

For my brain example, I’d choose LSD. Safe-ish option, as psychedelics are kind of pushing their way into mainstream acceptance with all those mushroom documentaries with Nick Offerman. Plus they can help stay in the same environment but change it up so it's not like one brain is living in another dimension or anything its the same one but the perspective shift is important. Also, I would encourage long hippie skirt outfits and three-piece suits (not restricted to gender).

Step 5: Final Tips for the Charismatic Leader 

- cool haircut - be really loud or really soft - choose being skinny over being ripped ALWAYS you can get some loser to beat people up for you - im not kidding about the skinny okay nobody will listen if you have a beer belly and you cannot hide it with your beard

That brings us to the conclusion of the quick guide to beginner cult making. By this time coming September I want a 50-page thesis on your controlled environment project. IT BETTER BE ORIGINAL ALRIGHT THE INTERNET MAKES IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET AWAY WITH REBRANDING THESE DAYS SO IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT IN THIS FIELD YOU BETTER START PRACTICING ORIGINALITY RIGHT NOW. Also double-check the address of your designated high school and the experiment subjects with their numbers and home addresses.

Have a great summer :)

#cults #shitpost #summer project