etcrnaloptimist:
Telling Ben
Bentley Simms & Dorothea Simms - Dated 6/18 - Completed via Discord - @andthereweresparks
Dorothea Simms
Dorothea had gone to the pharmacy to grab her birth control, but Nora’s words had stuck in her head and she decided to grab a pregnancy test to ease her mind. There was no way she was, but she knew it would bother her until she saw the negative result now that the thought was in her head. When she got home, thankfully Ben wasn’t around, she took the test and waited, scrolling through her phone as she did. When the timer went off, she picked up the plastic stick, but her brain didn’t process the two lines. There just wasn’t any way. She went as quickly as she’d come into the house and drove out of Wakefield to grab a few more tests. Different brands, not sure which was the best. Dorothea didn’t realize the denial that she was in, driving her to buy this abundance of tests. She returned home and tried again, after the third of the new tests came out positive and she’d drank about a gallon of water to pee enough times, she decided just to pee in a cup and test the rest of them at once. Every single one was positive. 14 positive tests in total. She stared at them, it not making sense. She wasn’t pregnant. Dorothea Lauren Simms could not be pregnant. She’d only just started dating Grayson and while they’d slept together a few times over the past month or so, it couldn’t be right. She was not fit to be a mom. Sure, she could care for the calves, but a human? No. No. It was not real. Until it was. Panic settled over her and she tried to think what it was that she needed to do. The first thing was to get rid of the tests. She had clearly lost her mind buying so many. She stuffed them into the paper bag she’d brought them in and escaped to her room. 27 years old. Living with her father. Dating Grayson for 2 minutes. Just getting a handle on her mental health. A baby was not practical. She didn’t know what to do, or who to talk to. But for the first time since she’d arrived in Wakefield after Christmas, she didn’t have the desire to run. She just wanted support.
Her dad was the obvious choice. He was her rock. He might not be happy that she got knocked up by a guy she hadn’t even been dating until days ago, but he hadn’t given up on her yet. She decided that when he got home, Dorothea would tell her father. If anyone was going to help her sort out her head, it would be him. He’d told her not long ago that he was upset that she didn’t trust her family to go to them, and she’d promised that she would do better. This, telling him, not running, was keeping her promise. Grabbing her pillow, she pulled it to her chest and tried to process. What she wouldn’t give for her little stuffed dog that she’d had since she was a baby. She’d had him up until returning to Wakefield, her little piece of home that she’d carried with her and she had no idea where he ended in the chaos of packing her things to leave the apartment Christmas Night. She swore she packed him. Swore he’d been stuffed into one of the two suitcases, or in her duffle, but Thea had never found him. But she was home. It was a while of sitting there, before she migrated down the stairs. There wasn’t much time to make an announcement of this. A cute memory to hold onto one day and tell her child about. Her child. Her hand moved to her stomach and she sighed. But then she remembered some blank cards that they kept around for different occasions and she set off to find one. It would give her something to focus on until Ben arrived. After a quick look online, she found what she wanted to write. On the front, in her fanciest handwriting, she wrote, “The only thing better than having you as a Dad…” and continued to the inside of the card, “Is my child having you as a grandpa.” And signed off with love and her full name. She grabbed and envelop and slid it inside, tucking it closed and scrawled ‘Dad’ across the front. Once that was done, she went to the living room to wait for him to get home, unable to focus on anything else.
It was a time before she heard the front door open, heavy and familiar footfalls on the floor. “Hey Dad,” she called out to him, toying with the card in her hand. “When you have a minute, will you come in here? No rush.” As far as she knew, she had nearly nine months of time to wait, so there wasn’t any hurry tonight.
Bentley Simms
Ben stepped into the house with a deep sign as he dropped his wallet and keys on the table by the door. He was more than used to busy days. They had been part of his normal for as long as he could remember and he wouldn’t change anything about that. But the days that were nonstop were ones that even not he didn’t look forward to. “Let me wash up,” he called back to his daughter. Bending down, he made quick work of untying and taking off his work boots before padding barefoot through the house to his bedroom. He’d spent most of the day out in the pastures or with the cows getting milked and he desperately needed a shower before he did anything else. Nearly 15 minutes later, Ben came out of his bedroom to find his daughter sitting in the living room. “Hey kid, what’s up?” he asked, settling on the sofa beside her.
Dorothea Simms
Maybe ‘no rush’ had been an overstatement on her part. The 15 minutes seemed to drag on for a century, at least. She didn’t allow herself to think about how her father was going to react, or else she might talk herself out of doing this. Instead, she pulled her phone out and played on it for a few moments before growing tired and setting it onto the coffee table. The corners of the envelope were well warn from her fingers by the time her father walked into the room again. As he sat, she took a breath and held it out to him. “For you,” she said and offered him a weak smile. “Sorry there’s no cash in it.” Her joke feel flat, but she watched him carefully. More nervous than anything else.
Bentley Simms
Ben took the envelope, his brows furrowing in confusion. While Father’s Day was approaching, he hadn’t really expected anything from his children, he never did if he were being honest, and this year, the fact that all his kids were in Wakefield and happy, was more than enough for him. It had been far too long since that had happened. “What is it?” he asked, glancing at his daughter rather than opening it. It was clear she’d been fidgeting with it, the corners well worn in a way that could mean nothing else.
Dorothea Simms
The urge to stand up and pace the room began to fill her. Since she was a baby, Thea had needed movement to calm her. She wasn’t good at sitting still. However, she remained on the couch. “It’s a card.” She answered, though she knew that was not at all what he’d meant. “Open it and find out.” Hopeful her prompting would end the nerves that swelled inside of her.
Bentley Simms
Looking back down at the card, he pulled the flap out of the envelope then pulled the card out. He skimmed the words on the outside of the card quickly, thinking it was nothing more than an early Father’s Day card. When he opened it, he realized he was wrong, but it didn’t quite sink in the first time he read the words. He looked up at his daughter before looking down at the card again, rereading the outside then the inside of the card. “What are you telling me, Thea?” He asked looking up at his daughter after a moment of silence.
Dorothea Simms
Watching her father closely, Thea seemed to be holding her breath. Unable to breathe while awaiting his reaction. Was he going to be disappointed? Upset? Angry? She didn’t like not knowing. When he finally looked up at her, seeming more confused than anything else, she let out her breath and watched as he read the words again. The question wasn’t unexpected, this situation was a lot to handle and he had no idea what he was coming into just moments ago. “I’m pregnant,” She confessed softly, eyes meeting his for a moment, before dropping again.
Bentley Simms
“How?” He shook his head. “No, not how. I know how.” He had the unfortunate honor of giving all the kids the sex talk when they were young, and truly terrible experience for all of them in his opinion. “Thea.” He glanced at the card in his hands again as he tried to wrap his head around what she was telling him. He had struggled to wrap his head around Nora’s announcement, but she’d been something undefined with Wyatt for a bit before her pregnancy news. “Grayson?” he asked, just to be sure. They hadn’t been together long - just days in fact, but Ben knew Thea had struggled to feel comfortable with almost anyone over the last several months, he seemed like the only logical option. “Kid….this is a lot to take in. C'mere.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea cringed at the question, because neither of them ever wanted to have that talk the first time, nor come back to it now. The joke that wanted to escape her to lighten up the mood, however, didn’t pass her lips. For once she allowed the discomfort to surround her, because she needed to be serious with her father. She watched him struggle with the news, just as she knew he would. When he asked about Grayson, Thea nodded. “Yeah, he…I only just found out today. I haven’t told anyone.” Just her dad. Scooting closer to him, Thea did not hesitate to hug him. “It is and I still don’t know how to feel or what to think. But I know I’m not sorry.”
Bentley Simms
He wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m glad you’re not sorry,” he murmured, letting the silence fall between them. Ben knew it would have been easy for her to regret this. Knew it would have been easy for his daughter to run. She’d done it time and again when things were difficult. But she wasn’t running. She was here, talking to him, telling him that he was going to have another grandchild in a few months. After sitting in silence, turning the news over in his head for a bit, he cleared his throat. “What’s the plan?” he asked, not pulling away, but loosening his hold on his daughter in case she wanted to. “I know you only just found out, kid, but the edges of that card tell me you’ve been turning something over in your head.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea wanted to sit in that comfort for a while, so the silence that fell didn’t bother her. There was so much going on in her head that she couldn’t say. Things she didn’t need to say, because he already understood them. He understood that she couldn’t say she was sorry for the life inside of her. That she never would. She wanted to believe and love it in the way Ben had taught her to; without condition. Still, the silence eventually had to come to an end. “The plan is to figure it out.” She said quietly, moving back slightly from him and looking down at her torso, like it had some hidden answer. “I know a few things I have to do, like, tell Grayson and see a doctor. Then tell Mom, Nora, and Zach.” She breathed, there had been so many things swirling in her head, it was hard to pinpoint them all in a coherent or chronological order. “I…I’m going to do this.”June 18, 2021
Bentley Simms
Ben heard the quiet determination in his daughter’s voice. She was stubborn and determined, she always had been. It had been a source of frustration for him and Monica throughout her life, but that stubbornness was exactly what she needed now. “We’ll be here for you. I’ll be here. Whatever you need.” He couldn’t speak for Nora or Zach, couldn’t even speak for Monica, but Ben knew his family, was sure that they would be there for Thea - she would just have to let them. “You’re going to do this.” He couldn’t say he was necessarily happy that she was pregnant. But he was proud of her. “You’re gonna be just fine.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea swallowed, nodding at his words. She was so grateful for her father, that she had him to count on. She moved back to hug him again, wrapping her arms tightly around him. “I know you will.” Her voice was soft, but her words certain. It was a relief, however, to hear. This was utterly terrifying, every passing moment the news settling and processing more. She could feel the weight of it. “I’m really scared, Dad.” The admission fell from her mouth and she hugged him tighter. “I have no idea how to do any of this and I don’t want to mess this…cluster of cells, whatever it is, up. And I’m terrified that I will.”
Bentley Simms
He shifted slightly, drawing her against his side and holding on tightly. Ben could see how much Thea needed physical comfort. “You’re supposed to be, kid. I’d be worried if you weren’t.” Having a child, even when they were planned was a daunting task. It was even more daunting when they weren’t planned.“You want me to tell you something not comforting at all?” he offered, glancing down at her before pushing ahead. “You’re gonna mess ‘em up. It’s part of being a parent. You make the wrong choice. You…you screw up. It happens.”
Dorothea Simms
Resting against his side, she felt some of that weight on her shoulders shift. If her father was willing to take some of it from her, she was going to let him this time. “I thought you were worried regardless.” She commented softly. Finding out his most troubled child was expecting a baby with her boyfriend of 3 days was worrisome. Anyone that knew her, she was certain, would be worried. Looking up at his words, she was going to shake her head, but he was already talking. Thea frowned, quiet for a moment. “But you didn’t.”
Bentley Simms
Ben shook his head immediately. “I did. Your mom and I both did. With all three of you we’ve screwed up. Big screw ups and not so big ones.” The fact that his daughter had ever felt like she couldn’t come to him about anything was on the books at one of his biggest screw ups that he would work to fix for as long as he could. “Screwing up your kids a little bit just like worrying about them is part of being a parent. You’re, I guess you’re gonna figure that out here a hell of a lot sooner than I thought you’d be.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea wasn’t sure that she believed it. Her dad had been the best. If she could be half the parent he was, she’d be grateful. Proud. Her first instinct was to reassure him, because if he thought he screwed up with her, because of her actions, it was wrong. “Dad…” She began softly, “My not coming home for all of that time wasn’t something you caused, you, nor Mom.” It was the first time she was admitting this out loud, to anyone. “I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is a fancy way of saying I get really overwhelmed about different things. It had nothing to do with you. Or anything you did wrong.” Her brown eyes searched his for an understanding. Thea couldn’t help a small laugh at his statement, shrugging, “When has anything I’ve done been expected?”
Bentley Simms
Ben opened his mouth, ready to argue with her. Ready to remind her that he knew she had avoiding coming home after he and Monica had gotten divorced and he knew it was in part because of how different their family looked. But his mouth snapped closed when she confessed about anxiety. He didn’t exactly know what that entailed, but he waited patiently as she gave him the simplest explanation. “Oh kid. How long?” He wasn’t sure exactly what he was asking, whether it was how long she’d known or how long she’d suspected. It really didn’t matter. “Never kid. But you wouldn’t be you if you were doing the expected.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea shrugged a bit at his question, pulling away from him so that she could look down at her hands instead. It wasn’t something to be embarrassed about, she knew that, but it still felt like something that was wrong with her. “I noticed the feeling when I was traveling, maybe a little before I left, but I didn’t have a name for it. It got worse when I went to college. Every time I thought about coming home…I just couldn’t. And the longer I was away, the worse it was.” She paused, knowing what she was going to say next wouldn’t land well. “Richard knew, not that he told me that I had it, but my therapist says a lot of what he did was exactly what made it worse, and make me more dependent on him. I didn’t know what it was until I started seeing her. That’s what the medication is for.” Not that she really understood how the medication worked, just that she’d felt more level a few days after beginning and it was only getting better. “And you love me, so I guess I wouldn’t want to be anyone else.”
Bentley Simms
There was a lot Ben wanted to say about Thea’s ex and none of it was positive. And although she had brought him up, Ben didn’t want to taint this conversation with him. The more Ben knew about the man, the more sure he was that he had never been worth his daughter’s time. That was even clearer now. “I’m glad the medication is helping,” he said instead, taking his daughter’s hand in his and giving it a quick squeeze. “I love you exactly like you are and I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.”
Dorothea Simms
She nodded, resting her head on her father’s shoulder. “Me too. Though, I should probably check to make sure there’s no ‘Do not take if pregnant’ label on there.” She frowned slightly as she realized something. “Oh no. I have to stop drinking coffee. And Zach’s going to make me eat…healthy.” She cringed dramatically, though she’d eat anything Zach made. “That’s saying a lot, since I’m 27, living at home, pregnant with my boyfriend-of-3-days’ child.” Thea laughed and ran a hand over her face. Another wave of realization at her predicament hit her. “Dad, I’m pregnant.”
Bentley Simms
Ben laughed softly, shaking his head at Thea’s dramatics. “Eating healthy won’t kill you, I promise. Zach’s been making me since he moved back and I’m just fine.” Ben started to point out that there was nothing wrong with living at home, even at 27, but he watched as a wave of realization washed over his daughter’s face. “You are and it’s gonna be okay.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea took a deep breath. She was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. She was going to be a mom. It was a lot. More terrifying than anything she’d ever experienced before. “It is.” The youngest Simms girl curled herself back up against her father’s side, her words uncertain. “What if he doesn’t want to be a part of it? What if he’s not ready to be a dad? How do I accept that?”
Bentley Simms
Ben wrapped his arms around Thea when she curled back against his side. “Ahh, kid if he doesn’t want to be part of it, if he’s not ready, you’ve got people.” He very much hoped Grayson, even if he wasn’t ready now would step up and be there for Thea. He didn’t know the man, had only met him in passing at the various events Thea had taken him to with her, so he couldn’t promise anything, but he was going to be positive. “And if he’s an asshole about it, we’ve got a lotta land.”
Dorothea Simms
This was turning out better than she thought it was going to with her father. She knew, despite her internal panic, that her father wasn’t going to turn her away at the news. But his comfort and support meant the world to her. “I know…I just don’t want to be something he regrets. And I don’t want this…embryo? Zygote? To ever think it’s not lovable.” Because that was the worst feeling in the world. Thea quirked her head up at her dad, unable to help her smile. “A few shovels, too. But…I don’t think Grayson’s capable of being an asshole.”
Bentley Simms
“Kid, if it is something he regrets, that’s on him. That’s not on you. And if he doesn’t step up, your kid is gonna have so many people who love them and are there for them.” He chuckled softly. “Then we won’t have to find a tucked away piece of land for him to go.” He squeezed her shoulders. “Thank you for tell me and not running. I know how hard this is for you.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea rested her forehead on her father’s shoulder, taking his words in. She couldn’t believe that anyone not wanting her, in her head or otherwise, was on them. It was something she knew she needed to work on more, but therapy was starting to help with that. “I know, because you and mom both have like…900 family members and I have my friends as well.” She closed her eyes and just allowed herself to still beside him. “I don’t want to run anymore.” Dorothea confessed, wishing she could explain that that wasn’t what she’d meant to do, not fully at least, with Gabe. “I don’t want to be alone anymore. I missed you guys so much. I don’t want to miss you all again.”
Bentley Simms
“We missed you too,” Ben assured his daughter. Family was the most important thing to him and nothing ever felt right when his children were in a place where he couldn’t easily see them. And though he knew he could have flown out to see Thea, he’d also wanted to respect the distance she put between herself and Wakefield. “You’re not alone now, kid. You weren’t really then either. Any of us woulda come to you.” He fell silent, part of his still processing that he was going to have two grandchildren by this time next year and part of him just letting a long work day ease off his shoulders.
Dorothea Simms
Thea turned and wrapped her arms fully around her dad. How much pain she had caused herself by keeping away from them all for so long. “I know…and I’m sorry I didn’t know then. But I know now.” She wanted to comfort him through this, as he comforted her so many times before. Quietly, she began to hum the song he used to sing to all of his kids, hoping it provided him with the same safe and calming headspace that it had always offered her.
Bentley Simms
Ben’s eyes fell closed as he listened to Thea hum one of the old country songs he’d sang his children years ago when putting them to bed. He’d hummed it to Thea the night she’d come home to comfort her. Hell to comfort himself. “Someday, a hell of a lot sooner than I’d planned I’m gonna be singing that song to your kid and Nora’s kid when they spend the night.” This stage in life was new to him, and he wasn’t sure he was anywhere near fully ready for it yet, but he knew he’d get there, slowly and steadily.
Dorothea Simms
She was happy to provide that moment of solace to him, as he had countless times in her life. The thought of Ben singing that song to a little bundle of joy that belonged to her made her chest swell with emotion. “My kid…” she murmured, sighing softly, “My kid is going to love you as much as I love you. And they’re going to be the luckiest kid to have you to sing them to sleep.”
Bentley Simms
“Your kid,” he echoed. Whoever her kid was, whoever they turned out to be, Ben knew they were going to be lucky. Thea had put herself through hell trying to figure out who she was and as hard as that was for him as he dad to watch, he knew now that it was leading to good things. Leading to his daughter growing into an amazing young woman. Even though she didn’t see it yet. “I’m not gonna pretend I’m fully on board with this, kid. But I’m proud of you and I know that you’re gonna be okay.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea pulled back and looked curiously at him, not sure what he meant. “Fully on board with what? My…being pregnant?” She wasn’t fully on board with it either, but knew that once the news settled, she’d find peace with it. Her instinct was already to keep the invader safe from ever calling it an accident. Or saying she didn’t want it. It would always know how wanted it was, that was her goal. “Thank you. That…that means a lot.
Bentley Simms
“Not you being pregnant. I…you’re stubborn enough that you’re going to do just fine. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about the fact that you and Grayson have only been dating for a couple of days. You have people, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna worry. I’m your dad, it’s my job.” He’d had the same worries when Nora told them she was expecting. “I love you, kid.”
Dorothea Simms
Thea nodded, understanding where he was coming from. “I am too.” She admitted. Grayson was so sweet and different from the people she usually let into her life romantically. He was good to her and she wanted to see where they would go. This certainly complicated things, but when push came to shove, she knew she’d do right by the life growing inside of her, because that’s what Ben would do. And if she was going to be a parent, she wanted to be one like him. “Leave it to me to be pregnant 3 days into dating him.” Thea rested against her father’s side. “I love you too, Dad.”
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