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Group 1 Obsidian - Fashion Article

edited by yours truly :)

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His Literal Downfall

Life flashes before Bobby’s eyes, but instead of happy memories, all he has in mind are the negative scenarios he encounters, such as the guilt he feels while his having fun, various of programs he participated in to be "cured,"  the judgmental looks people gave him, and most importantly all the times his mother condemned his actions, echoing their last conversion “I won’t have a gay son.” before he plunged to his death from an overpass. This is Bobby Griffith’s final moments, but before he took his own life something happened in between that led to this moment. Reflected from the beginning scenes, it is clearly notice that Bobby’s family are homophobic as his older brother mocks “gay” mannerism while his whole family laughs, the mother feeling disgusted about the act and his grandma commenting stuff to the extreme as she suggest that “queer should all been lined up and shot”. Bobby, conflicted with his sexuality, writes his thoughts on his diary, describing a hindrance to him becoming his own self. He then attempted to commit suicide by aspirin overdose but didn’t continue because, regardless of whether he died by killing himself or by living as gay, both equated to him going to hell anyway. After coming out as gay, it seems like everything change for Bobby as his family, especially his mom, is tying to find “cure” for his homosexuality as if it was some sort of disease. Reflected through his conversation with the psychiatrist, Bobby doesn’t want to renounce his homosexuality but just wants to get closer to his family again when asked if he doesn’t want to be gay. He was forced to conform to his family’s beliefs by attending bible study, going to a psychiatrist, being set up with a girl, and correcting his “gay” mannerism of putting his hand behind his hips. But none of these stopped Bobby from wanting to have relations with people of the same gender. When he left his home and lived in Portland for two months, he felt liberated for the first time and could be his own person. Once he got back home, he was confident enough to talk about his new boyfriend with the family. It seems that the whole family slowly accepts Bobby for who he is, except his mother. Bobby argues with his mom that him being gay is what he truly is, but his mother deflects this idea. With Bobby’s final plead he gave his mother a choice "accept me as I am or forget it", this was the moment where his mother rejected Bobby by saying "I won’t have a gay son." When Bobby comes back to Portland, he has fallen into a state of depression. Longing for comfort, he went to look for his boyfriend, only to find out that he was cheating on him. This ultimately drives Bobby to take his own life seeing as his boyfriend is his only reason for him to live but was let down by his infidelity. Bobby had enough. He drove across the overpass, circling back to where we started. 

One factor that contributed to Bobby's demise was his family's influence brought upon their religious beliefs. They suggest that if only he could pray hard enough or strengthen his faith, he would turn “normal” again. Another factor could be the silent judgments he received for being queer from the people around him, like his psychiatrist and his schoolmates. But the turning point in his decision to end his life was his mother’s rejection of his sexuality. Bobby was unable to convince his mother that his homosexuality was not something he chose but was born with. Bobby’s mother even prayed for her son’s downfall as she prayed to God to "continue to convict Bobby’s heart of sin." In the end, it all led to Bobby’s literal downfall as all these factors continued to ring in his head and he felt that death was his only escape from all this mess. 

The person who is severely affected by the aftermath of Bobby’s death is Mary, his mother. Throughout the second half of the film, which mostly revolves around Mary, it is noticed that she is going through the five stages of grief. Denial: She thinks that Bobby’s suicide was part of God’s plan since he, as she puts it, "wasn’t in his right mind." Anger: As she reads Bobby’s diary and learns about his internal struggles, she feels anger toward herself and the church she is attending. Bargaining: She starts to question the interpretation of the bible from the Metropolitan Community Church, who are accepting of the gay community. Depression: She starts to attend a meeting of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and have come to realize that Bobby was different from the very day he was born and blames herself for not seeing it sooner as she states that she killed her own son. Acceptance: With all this roller coaster of emotions encountered, her speech from the city council meeting highlights her overall relationship with Bobby as she admits that it was hard for her to accept Bobby’s sexuality and that she is reluctant to abandon her religious convictions but now sees it as nothing but "bigotry" and "dehumanizing slander." She has come to the conclusion that Bobby is made in God’s image despite his homosexuality and his death was the cause of not accepting this fact due to poor parenting. She ended her speech by encouraging people to think before reinforcing homophobia disguised as "teachings" from the Bible. 

Mary Griffith said, “Before you echo Amen in your home or place of worship, think and remember. A child is listening.” This is one of the film's most memorable lines, and it is a lesson that we should all remember. The irony of religious people is they depict God as a forgiving father but prays for the downfall of sinners so they could come back to Him. They have faith in the scriptures but blindly follow them, cherry-picking the ones that fit with their own narrative. We tend to say Amen in agreement with what the priest preaches regarding the teaching of the Bible, without questioning its interpretation and meaning behind it. The quote mentioned means that proclaiming amen might mean death wish to your loved one as they hear what these absurd teachings such “all homosexuals will spend eternity in hell” and feel dejected. 

Overall, some of the themes seen throughout the film are family drama, change vs. tradition, and death. This film’s theme is a family drama because it depicts the main conflict between Bobby and his family over his sexuality. Bobby tries to make them accept his homosexuality despite his family, especially mother’s traditional christian beliefs highlighting the theme of change vs. tradition. Most importantly, the turning point of the story was the theme of death, as Bobby took his own life, making the story revolve around Bobby’s mother, Mary, as she slowly copes with Bobby’s death while becoming closer to the gay community as a tribute to Bobby’s legacy.

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A Gaze at What They Call a Waste

Many people have complimented my younger brother's appearance, describing him as cute and charming especially when he smiles revealing the dimples on his cheek. They even nicknamed him "Koreano" because of his fair complexion and facial characteristics similar to those of Korean KPOP artists. However, "sayang" (what a waste), is the first phrase that comes out once they learn of his condition.

My parents always wanted another child a long time ago. They say it would be great and that I could have a playmate at home. I, on the other hand, don’t like the idea of having a sibling; I guess I just want the attention I’m getting as an only child, but who am I to hinder their wish of bringing another life to earth? 

Unfortunately, they were unable to have a child since my father was an OFW at that time and he rarely came home to the Philippines. A few years have passed; it was December 2015 when my dad came home to spend the holidays, and during New Year’s Eve 2016, we found out that my mom is pregnant. Knowing that, my father decided to stay in the Philippines during the duration of my mother’s pregnancy.

On September 8, 2016, our little bundle of joy arrived, and his name is Nicolo Liam B. Cardaño. My relatives considered my brother's birth to be a miracle because my parents had been praying for this their entire lives, it allowed my dad to spend more time with us, and also because even at the age of 40, my mother managed to deliver a baby. I was 11 years old at that time; the age gap between me and my little brother might be weird to some but beneficial to others, as they suggest that I’m "capable" enough to give an extra hand whenever my parents need one. 

Liam’s transition from newborn to infant seems to be better than expected. He can stand on his own in his fifth month, which is impressive given that the typical month for a baby to stand without support is 9 months. Liam can walk during his tenth month, which is again impressive given that the average month for a baby to walk is around 12 months. He is regarded as a wunderkind by my parents and relatives in terms of his amazing development of motor skills. 

From the looks of it, Liam seems like no ordinary kid. At the age of two, he can assemble the alphabet and numbers from 1-20. He can also point out colors and basic body parts of the body. He can easily be taught through flash cards and visual materials. However, there’s one thing that's bothering my parents. 

At the age of one, I began to speak my first words, such as "mama" and "papa," or imitate the phrases I heard my parents say, though frequently leaving off the endings or beginnings of words. That’s how my parents would describe one of the most memorable milestones in my early childhood. Baby talk seems to be the crucial part of a child's development, at least according to the majority of parents, including mine; hence, it bothers them when Liam hasn’t said a word or even babbled yet.

We observe some actions he does but do not think of it as unusual. His hyperactivity is hard to keep up with but aren’t all kids the same? He also has inattentive behavior such as not looking back when his name is called or that he has no eye contact when someone is communicating with him, however, this didn’t raise any concern with my parents as they just thought my brother is just an ignorant type. What brings us joy is Liam’s ability to flip around the bed. It astounds us that he has the physical strength to just tumble over and over again. We find it adorable how he tiptoes, flails his arms, and spins in circles. We also noticed how he was able to align his toys properly and connoted him as a perfectionist. To us, his actions are similar to a normal kid. The speech delayment of Liam is the only main concern of my parents. 

My parents have talked about this dilemma that they have around their relatives and friends. Majority of them have said the same thing, “magsasalita din yan” (he will talk soon enough). Some have shared their experiences, claiming that their child went through a similar phase of being unable to speak, but that as time passed, they were able to say their first words during their preschool years. 

At first, my parents felt relief, as the people close to them had given them hope based on the experiences they had shared. However, after some time when Liam is around three years old, my parents have read article after article of the reasons why a child has speech delayment and it has shaken them to the core. Hence, they decided to go to a professional about this. 

My parents came through a developmental pediatrician on July 20, 2019, to console about Liam's speech delay and to discuss his daily activities and routines. After a few consultations, Liam has been confirmed and diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). It seems like the actions mentioned earlier—his hyperactivity, inattentive behavior, and certain mannerisms—are the actual signs and symptoms of autism that we’ve failed to notice.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a broad range of developmental disorders caused by differences in the brain that impairs social, communicational, and behavioral function. It is defined by difficulties with social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech, and nonverbal communication. It is a lifelong condition, however, with the help of therapy, people with ASD can help them acquire new skills. Due to the negativity surrounding the term autism, my parents were in denial about the diagnosis.

My parents started thinking about the "what ifs" if Liam’s condition is normal. Now that Liam is six years old, he would be in school by now, participating in class, making friends along the way, being swooned over by girls, and growing to be his own person with his own dreams and inspirations. That’s how my parents would describe Liam’s life if only he was "normal." But my parents’ main concern is how Liam would be viewed by society due to the stigma surrounding it. Unfortunately, people view children with autism as nuisances, spoiled brats, and disappointments. Hence, people have been saying "sayang" (what a waste) whenever they know a person has autism, since they already concur that they wouldn’t be a “useful” member of society.

With its technical term and social perspective, we’ve left out the numerous abilities an autistic child has, like how Liam keeps track of time, knowing his own schedule and endeavors, like how he would pick out his outerwear on Wednesday because he knows it's his occupational and speech therapy session. Additionally, Liam is more interested in the mechanics of a toy car, like how the wheels spin, than to see which one runs faster, or how he sees things literally and not as a toy to play pretend with. Lastly, he is a fast learner and thinks logically too. He does amazingly even beyond a neurotypical kid. 

People have been saying "sayang" (what a waste) all this time, indicating how little they think of my brother, as if they lost hope the second they learned about his condition, as if it can prevent him from achieving his own dreams and aspirations. Society looks at Liam weirdly as he expresses himself loudly and out of control, running around in circles, but please know that he is experiencing the world differently and that he strives to live life even if it's beyond his capabilities. Autistic people view the world as overwhelming and don't have the mental capability to handle it, but don’t we all? 

#essay writing #autism

[angelayag]

3 a.m. Doomscrolling

It was 3 a.m. in the morning, and she was in a dark, cold place with only her phone lighting the room. She was lying comfortably in her bed, snuggling with her body pillow, and feeling the warmth of her soft blanket wrapped around her. Before this, she made a promise to herself that she would fix her sleeping schedule as her online class starts at 7 a.m. and she didn’t want to feel droopy for the entirety of her class, but here we are again repeating the same cycle that she always does, scrolling through social media without noticing or even caring how much time has passed. It seems like the internet has consumed her life, from sunrise to sunset. She couldn’t even eat without some sort of entertainment video to watch; now, it even devours her time of rest.

Despite her being on her phone the entire day, you would think that she would eventually get bored and tired of web surfing, but no, it seems like her scrolling through the internet never stops. She had fallen into the rabbit hole of doomscrolling, and that "she" was me. 

Yeah, I know that I have a serious problem, as is evident from how I relate to the meme that I am looking at right now, which is a clown looking at the mirror and telling themselves that they are "definitely" going to fix their sleeping schedule. I just had to share this post with the caption "literally me rn" because the timing of this meme is just impeccable. Now, on to scrolling through Facebook once again. 

Facebook is a platform with multigenerational users, as people from all walks of life have gathered in this app. We have boomer folks who post inspirational quotes about not judging a book by its cover, along with a sketchy article of a supposed rumor about a celeb. We have younger pals who questionably may have violated Facebook’s terms of service due to the age limit, but here they are posting about their love life struggles at a very young age but also gullible enough to believe that Slender Man actually exists. We sure have wildcard characters that we can encounter on this app. 

As I scroll through Facebook, I see memes, photos of my FB friends, with whom I haven't even shared a word or two in real life, and fake news articles about politicians. I’m not even going to look at the comments, as it will surpass my low expectations about their comprehension. Through these seas of posts, something caught my eye, and that was Donalyn Bartolme’s birthday party with a "kalye" theme.

A rich person cosplaying as poor as a theme for a birthday party is definitely a controversial move and a guarantee of cancellation, at least to some. She claimed that she only did that to commemorate her past struggles before fame. Scrolling through comments, it seems like I share the same sentiment as people outside of Donalyn’s fanbase. Her action was incredibly tone deaf, as the hardships of poor people aren’t just decorations that only stay on certain occasions; they have to live with that struggle every single day. I presume, one of the side effects of being an influencer is losing a grasp of reality. 

This made me lose hope for humanity. Nevermind, I just saw a post about the COVID-19 case numbers going up. I mean, this isn’t necessarily new, as everyday COVID patients keep multiplying, but this made my frustration about the birthday thing insignificant. Weirdly enough, this realization did stop me from scrolling through Facebook. However, determined to make myself feel better, a quick scroll through Tiktok might do the trick. 

Tiktok is a haven for short-form video content. But even if the videos there take seconds to watch, it sure takes hours of your time as it easily spews out personal feeds for you to keep entertained. You can encounter various creators there from every genre or hobby imaginable as it tries to appeal to audiences with certain niches.

As I’m scrolling through Tiktok, I come across videos of comedy skits, fun facts, thirst traps, fan edits of my favorite fictional characters, interesting talents such as puppeteers and magicians, and tarot card reading, which I’m not a believer in yet still find intriguing. It seems like all is well; I am here having a good time until I came across this video of a guy, mad that the upcoming game Grand Theft Auto VI is becoming "woke" by adding a female character as a protagonist of their game.

Imagine boycotting a game just because it didn’t align with your wrapped-up view of society. The comments only ignite the fire even more as they make sexist comments, changing the way they look at the game franchise when the game is literally just about recklessly committing crimes.

But it only got worse from there, as my feed recommended a clip from one of those "alpha" male podcasts and introduced me to Andrew Tate. The clip in question is him talking about how men are allowed to cheat but women aren’t. I went to his profile, perplexed by his comment, only to find video after video of his misogyny, such as saying that the value of women decreases the more men she sleeps with or that women's only purpose is to serve men. His words were regarded as scripture in his fanbase, which is alarming considering that most of his fans are just teenage boys. Even with this, I was still invested in him, even as far as knowing information that wasn’t necessary to know, like how he used to be a professional kickboxer or that he was arrested for human trafficking.

Baffled by the negativity I’ve inflicted upon myself, why not add more fuel to the fire by visiting twitter next. 

Twitter is essentially microblogging, where you're free to post what’s on your mind, opinions you want to share, or just what is currently happening in your life with a 280-character limit. Your text, known as a "tweet," is broadcast across the platform and can be found by the masses, who can add their own comment about the thing you just tweeted in the form of quote tweeting or by simply replying under the post.

Twitter is a platform for free speech. As I scroll through it, various tweets pop up, some of which are from my friends but primarily from online strangers. What do we have here? Funny jokes, rants, social happenings, and of course horrible takes. 

I have yet again found myself spiraling over a post. It started with one user's post on how they have finally gotten better in terms of their mental health. This was quote tweeted by another user, who stated that their post was offensive due to the “poor” timing of the tweet since the war between Russia and Ukraine was happening simultaneously. This created a public discourse whether the initial tweet was distasteful or not.  

Reading the comments on these posts has exposed me to one dubious take after another. Some replies might have been satirical, but since when did having stable mental health make you lose empathy? Stable mental health simply means that you can handle your well-being better, but it doesn't prevent you from showing concern for others. Thankfully, most people share the same sentiment as me. I'm not sure why this argument was brought up in the first place. And why do I still keep engaging with it despite its obviously dumb take?

At this moment, you may begin to notice a pattern of deliberately consuming negative posts and aimlessly migrating from one social media platform to another. It all starts when the mind goes into autopilot mode, making you scroll out of habit, triggered by negativity bias, making you notice a baffling post more than a positive one, diving deeper into the said post, facing the possibility of disregarding or ignoring relevant information that does not back up how you feel, feeling frustrated afterwards, going through another social media app in the hopes of lifting your mood up, thus starting the vicious cycle once again.

This phenomenon, referred to as "doomsurfing," but more commonly known as "doomscrolling," has arisen during the pandemic as more and more people have been experiencing the compulsive urge to endlessly scroll through their social media feeds and heavily focus on the upsetting or generally negative information. This can be caused by FOMO (fear of missing out), negativity bias, uncertainty, and a lack of self-control.

“Doomscrolling occurs when you realize you’ve landed on a story and have no idea how you got there. You can’t remember why you even got on your phone in the first place, but now you’re reading hundreds of comments or retweets of someone you don’t even follow,” is how Tess Brigman, a psychotherapist and coach, describe this phenomenon, which perfectly encapsulates the authentic experience and meaning of doomscrolling.

Due to the discrepancy that doomscrolling brings, it can definitely have its effects, such as apprehension, fear, and distress, which lead to burnout and damage the general mood and well-being of a person. Taking it to the extreme takes a toll on mental health, which triggers anxiety and depression, which in turn affects sleep, appetite, and motivation and disrupts work, time with family and friends, and lastly, passion.

Holding social media companies responsible is a way of calling out action to doomscrolling, one article suggests, as their business model is an algorithm designed to catch the attention of users, thus increasing engagement. This means that the more you click on dumb or concerning posts, the more likely it is that you’ll receive the same kind of content the next time you visit the app. Legal monitoring and regulation of social media businesses may improve platform accountability, boost the transparency of their algorithmic processes, and enable users to reject personalization and profiling.

With all this, the most effective way to cut back on doomscrolling is to improve oneself. You can start by setting a time limit for yourself to monitor and minimize the hours of your screen time. You can do this by setting it up yourself, or for those with a lack of self-control, download apps that do similar functions. Unfollowing accounts that cause stress will help you declutter your feed from negativity. Setting the phone to send fewer notifications might also lessen the constant need to check our phones. If online, actively seek positive stories to balance out the negative ones. Ultimately, the most effective way to stray away from doomscrolling is to have leisure activities outside of social media, such as exercising, hanging out with friends and family, and doing what you're passionate about. Feeling overwhelmed by everything on the internet? Remember to refocus on the present moment.

Speaking of the present moment, my alarm just went off for 6 a.m. in the morning, one hour before my class. I didn’t sleep a wink last night; I have fallen down the rabbit hole of doomscrolling once again. Give it up to the author who can’t apply what she writes! She was blinded by the ray of sunlight as she opened the curtains, but she couldn't be blinded by the phone screen brightness that was on her face the entire time. This is the reality we both share, you and I. We’ve scrolled the internet up to the brink of oblivion; are you going to let it doom us all?

#academic writing

[angelayag]

Rehimeng Mahirap Limutin

Oh! Nandyan pala kayo mga bata. Naku! Oras na para yayain ang inyong pamilya Dahil hindi lang para sa inyo itong programa. Kaya tawagin niyo na ang inyong ate’t kuya, tito’t tita, lolo’t lola, Pati na rin ang inyong mama’t papa. Tawagin niyo na ang buong angkan. Tara! Huwag mag-atubili at ako’y inyong samahan. May importante lang naman kasi tayong pag-uusapan Tungkol sa rehimen na itinuturing na ginto ng karamihan.

Tayo’y magbalik tanaw sa mga nagawa ng dakilang presidente. Ating kilatisin sa ibang kulay na lente. Sa dalawangput-isang taon niyang pamumuno, Mga imprastraktura sa iba’t-ibang larangan kanyang pinatayo.   Kung sa kalusugan ng bayan, siya ay may simpatya. Philippine General Hospital kanyang nagawa. Ang sining binigyan rin niya ng rekognisyon. Manila Film Center ginawan niya ng pundasyon. MRT at PNR naman sagot niya sa transportasyon. Paggawa ng riles ng tren kanyang naging solusyon. At nung umiral ang krisis sa enerhiya, Bataan Nuclear Power Plant agad niyang pinagawa. Dumaan man ang ilang dekada,  Mga imprastrakturang ito ginagamit pa rin. Mga kagandahang ginawa ng rehimen hindi talaga kayang limutin.

Ilan lamang ito sa listahan ng kanyang mga naitulong. Sa panahon niya nga pala Pinas ay umusbong. Isa sa pinakamayamang bansa ang Pilipinas noon. Kulay luntian ang GDP natin base sa nabasang impormasyon. Ibig sabihin kumpara sa ibang bansa, mataas ang ating posisyon. Tunay na kahulugan nito, hindi ko na kwenestyon.  Talagang ang ekonomiya natin ay lumago. Masasalamin sa palitan ng piso sa dolares ang pagbabago. Sa panahon niya, Pilipinas ay nagningning.  Mga kagandahang ginawa ng rehimen hindi talaga kayang limutin.

Ang pamumuhay dati ay tahimik. Disiplinado ang mga tao, walang imik. Sarap ng nutribun kanilang bukambibig. Pamigay na gatas, bulgur at rasyon aking naririnig. Mga komunista na nais guluhin ito, Sa Batas Militar, mga rebelde asintado. Sa mga panahong iyon, payapa ang pang araw-araw na buhay. Ginawa lang naman ang Batas Militar upang mabawasan ang mga pasaway Pati na rin ang mga teroristang nais pumatay.  Mga tao noon sa batas sila ay masunurin. Mga kagandahang ginawa ng rehimen hindi talaga kayang limutin.

Sa adminisyong sinambit, alam kong kayo’y namangha. Kaya tawag ng karamihan sa namuno ay dakila.  Impormasyong aking nakuha galing mula sa kanila. Sabi-sabi mula sa aking tito’t tita pati na rin kay lolo’t lola . Sa facebook at tiktok ko din nalaman ang mga bagay na alam ko. Pero alam mo ba kung ito ay totoo? Huy! Kaibigan ikaw pala ay nandito. Bakit hindi mo ipakilala ang sarili mo. Kamusta mga bata! Ako nga pala si katotohanan. Nandito ako para kayo ay paalalahanan Nang mga pangyayari na pilit burahin sa kasaysayan. Pati na rin itama ang mga maling impormasyon na binanggit ng aking kaibigan. Sinasabi mo bang mali ako, katotohanan? Pasensya na kaibigan pero yun ang totoo May mga bagay ka kasing sinabi at binago. Ang Philippine General Hospital pati MRT at PNR hindi ginawa ng “dakilang” presidente mo. Napagawa lang ang mga imprastrakturang ito bago o pagkatapos siyang maupo sa pwesto.  Ang Manila Film Center naman na minadaling tinayo, Kumitil ng buhay ng mga manggagawang nagpatayo. Isang engrandeng gabi lang, inamag na ang gusaling ito.  Pagdating naman sa krisis sa enerhiya, Bataan Nuclear Power Plant ginamit ba? Hindi naman diba, bagkus isang paraan na naman ito nang pangungurakot nila. Mga korapsyong ginawa nila, hindi ko na kayang bilangin.  Mga kalapastanganan na ginawa ng rehimen hindi talaga kayang limutin.

Teka lang, paano mo naman ito nalaman? May mga basehan ka ba ng iyong kaalaman? Ano ka ba! Parang hindi mo naman ako kilala. Ako si katotohanan na laging tumitindig sa tama. Matinding pagsasaliksik ang aking ginawa.  Mula sa katiwaltiwalang pook-sapot doon ako nagsimula. At ngayon may kredibilidad na mga impormasyon ang nagbunga. Naniniwala kasi ako na ang kasaysayan ay hindi dapat manggagaling sa chismosa.  Sus! Masyado ka nanaman ng nagmamagaling! Basta ang alam ko ang presidente dati sa taas tayo nirating. Sa taas nirating o nalugmok nang matindi? Pagkatalsik nga niya sa pwesto bumaba ating GDP. Teka lang! Diba ang may kasalanan na dyan ay ang mga dilawan. Mali ka dyan, siya ang paunahing rason kung bakit nalugmok tayo ng tuluyan.  At sa dalawang piso kada dolyares? Mali ka yata ng balita dyan. Totoong nagbago ang palitan pero hindi sa ganyang paraan. Puro mga maling impormasyon ang nagkalat kay lungkot isipin.  Mga kalapastanganan na ginawa ng rehimen hindi talaga kayang limutin.

Kasinungalingan nalang ba talaga ang mga nalalaman ko. Hindi ba talaga payapa ang pamumuhay dati ng mga tao. Mahirap tanggapin pero iyon ang totoo. Tunay na diktador ang presidenteng tinitingala mo. Oo, tama naman na tahimik lang ang mga tao dati. Dahil kung sino ang maglakas loob na magsalita, binubusalan sa bibig.  Idineklara ang Batas Militar limangpung taon na ang nakalipas. Ngunit hindi kailanman mabubura ang iniwan nitong bakas. Mga inosente ang napatay at tuniring pang terrorista. Pero ang totoo sila ay normal na tao lang na may uuwiang pamilya. Napakapait ng kanilang sinapit sa ilalim ng kanyang diktatura. Mga pangyayari nahatong sa pagdaloy ng dugong pula. Mga karapatang pantao na tinapakan  Nakaburol sa hindi matagpuang libingan Mga kabataan na nakapagtapos na sana, mga pangarap nila ay nawasak. Mga nakaligtas na dala ang sugat ng kahapon, mga luha hindi matigil sa pagpatak. Pitumpung libong napakulong, karamihan wala namang nagawang kasalanan. Tatlumpu't apat na libong tunorture, labis-labis ang naranasang karahasan. Tatlong libo dalawang daan at apatnapung namatay, kasarinlan hindi nila natikman.  Ni-hustisya para sa kanila ay hindi pa nababayaran.  Oh Diyos ko! Mga kaluluwa nila ay hindi pa kayang patahimikin. Mga karumal-dumal na ginawa ng rehimen hindi talaga kayang limutin.

Malaking saludo sa taong bayan, mga aktibista Napatalsik nila ang gobyerno na pasista. Kung hindi ka talaga naniniwala, Sa bantayog ng bayani doon ka pumunta At kilalanin ang mga pangalan ng mga martyr at bayani isa-isa. Gawin ito para sa mga nakulong, para sa mga naturture, para sa mga nasawi na, Alab ng puso mo ay sindihin.  Ang sariling nasyonalismo iyong ay himukin.  Mga karumal-dumal na ginawa ng rehimen hindi talaga dapat limutin.

Hindi maari ito alam ko na ako ang nasa tama. Paano ka magiging tama kung ako na katotohanan ay nasa harap mo na. Pero may nakakalimutan ka ata, ako dito ang nag-didikta. May kapangyarihan ako na patahimikin ka. Lahat ay gagawin ko para ika’y mamanipula. At wala kang magagawa, Tatlumput-isang milyon na ang aking napaniwala. Sa lawak ng aking makakaya, hindi mo na ako matatalo pa.  Bago ako magpaalam, ito ang aking huling bilin. Mga kagandahan lang na ginawa ng rehimen ang hindi dapat limutin.

[angelayag]

Bandaged Damage: An Introspection Behind the Anthology “Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories”

Oprah Winfrey says, “Turn your wounds into wisdom.”. As we travel through the walks of life, we may fall and get hurt. Life is taking its toll on us, causing damage to our mental state. However, putting this pain into words may serve as a bandage to help us heal. According to psychology, transforming one’s emotions into words has therapeutic effects on the brain. Furthermore, we can observe ourselves as we channel our emotions into literary works. In this paper, we delve deeper into this anthology to identify the author(s) and our own introspective stance as we align the insights from what the author is trying to imply and how we interpret it from our own perspective as we attempt to tie it to songs. 

While reading the first part of the anthology, "Dear Diary,", it somehow felt reminiscing as the author expressed being stuck inside, which could be a metaphor for what we experienced during the quarantine. The author appears to have undergone various events in life over the span of 2 years, which led to misfortunes. It is reflected in the poem that the author falls into a deep despondency. From what I’ve gathered towards the end, the author is now attempting to move forward and recover from these setbacks, as evident from the line "Until then, I’ll forego myself, move away and discover a world on my own." The first poem reminds me of Content, the first song from Bo Burnham's Netflix special "Inside." Similar to the themes I’ve mentioned, Bo discussed the glum he experienced and how he's trying to get back up again, as reflected in the line "And so today I'm gonna try just getting up, sitting down, going back to work, might not help, but still, it couldn't hurt". Both works set the tone for their respective mediums by introducing what to expect or feel while consuming both pieces.

Upon reading the second part of the anthology, "The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus'', the first half of the poem appears to have a resemblance to this year’s election. As the colors of the gown from the poem suggest, it could be a symbol for both leading presidential candidates. Similarly to the election results, the undeserving candidate was declared the winner. It is evident from the lines “Holy! Haven’t seen a woman who’s clearly a ten—let alone the judges; they chose a far less seven.". The second half of the poem seems to talk about the resiliency of Filipinos, as evident in the line "And so we witness a life of a modern Sisyphus not defined by her defeat, but of being gracious—Gracious to push the boulder up the mountain and start once again like nothing happened." and how we, as a group, can conquer the challenges along the way, as reflected in the line "To the human condition, we are not inherently alone. A burden is less felt when carried together yielding a boulder collectively on our shoulder.". The themes mentioned in this poem remind me of the song Di Matitinag by Calix featuring Blkd, such as the unfairness of the competition which is evident in this line "Pagkat lamang mo lang naman ay ang laman ng 'yong bulsa't ngalan", the Filipino adaptability mentioned in the line "Walang alam na sa kalam ng tyan ay lalong tumatapang ang alab ng puso ng masang lumalaban" and the overall teamwork needed in order to progress as seen in the line "Kapit kamay, ang pagbago magsisimula sa pagtutulungan". It seems like I got it all figured out, though I still can’t wrap my head around the last line of the poem, "Only to realize, are we not Sisyphus after all?". It makes me wonder if it’s because of the disappointing outcome of the election or just how we act as Filipinos that we don’t align with Sisyphus.

In the third part of the anthology, "O'Yayi", the narrator appears to be telling the story of this person named Yayi from his point of view. The narrator seems to love Yayi, as reflected by this line: “I picked her up. Married her. Eased her pain. She received all the comfort and luxury a woman could ever get from a loving husband.” it appears that the narrator did not fail as a partner. But she doesn’t reciprocate this love back despite everything he has done for her as she is still hung up on her old lover. If we are to look at it from the perspective of Yayi, her emotions are parallel to those in the song Glimpse of Us by Joji, as evident in the line “Why then, if she is so perfect, do I still wish that it was you?” Though the narrator of the anthology appears to have good qualities for a husband, he cannot compete with her longing for her past relationship, similar to what Joji is implying in his song by referring to his current partner in the third person and his ex in the second.

The fourth poem, titled “Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall”, appears to have sexual innuendo attached to it. The narrator seems to have been manipulated by the person they described in the poem but continues to engage in intimacy, as evident in the line “I fell in your words. You, vindictive. I did what you said and leaned forward” followed by the lines of metaphors about lovemaking.  The use of Two Red Laces in the line "Maybe you should get yourself tested" could have a connotation, as the Two Red Laces could be a metaphor for two red lines in a pregnancy test or being positive for some sort of sexually transmitted disease. But it may be just a farfetched theory that I have regarding the poem. Back to my main point, the overall theme of the poem reminds me of Melanie Martinez’s song Teacher’s Pet, as she describes the protagonist of the song engaging in some sexual activities despite feeling controlled by this “teacher” figure, as evident in the line “She's feeling like a spider in a cage. You liar, you were her desire”. 

Moving on to the fifth part of the anthology, "Umbilical," is a poem metaphor for childbirth told from the child's perspective. This poem reflects the difficulties of motherhood as they attempt to bring another human into this world. As the child sees the hardship on their mother's face, which is draining her life, they plead to save her, as repeatedly expressed in the line "Lilom, Lilom, I beg. Spare her for me." This poem reminds me of XXXTENTACION's song before I close my eyes, which has a similar theme of not letting go and asking for a chance to live, as evident in the line "Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. I hope it's not too late for me".

The sixth part of the anthology, "RE:Paper", feels like an academic research paper transformed into a poem. I’ve discovered here that the K-12 system isn’t even fully curated, but it was insisted upon to be part of the curriculum. It is reflected that students struggle with their studies as they rank below the list of various bodies of knowledge. This poem has addressed the issue in our educational system in the hopes that it will open someone's eyes to the situation that we are in. This poem emphasizes the importance of teachers in shaping the excellence of students, as evident in the line "If we keep on insisting quality education for students, why not allow teachers access quality to their extent? Help teachers help students." We’re All In This Together, a song from High School Musical, comes to mind as I explore the themes of this poem. Reflected from the song lyrics: "We're all in this together. When we reach, we can fly; know inside, we can make it" shows that everything is possible as long as everyone cooperates to achieve a common goal, such as obtaining a quality education. 

Moving on to the seventh part of the anthology, “3 A.M. Awakening”, the poem seems to revolve around Harper as they try to contain themselves. Harper appears to face judgments from others, which is reflected in the poem. As Harper tries to calm down, they count up to ten with each line representing gloominess. This poem reminds me of Mars Argo’s Angry as she describes her pent-up anger, similar to the theme of the poem. The tune of the song towards the end is chaotic just like the counting part of the poem, but in the end, music stops as Mars acapelled the line "Fuck it, I don't feel okay but tomorrow's going to be another day" on which warmth and calmness were felt towards the finale, parallel to the closing line of the poem "Ten— THUD. (Finally, peace will be on its way.)". 

The eighth part of the anthology, "My Frail Lady", mentions metaphors about suicide in such a romanticized way that compliments the source material of the poem "The Most Beautiful Suicide." The connotation of this poem reminded me of the song Arms Tonite by Mother Mother, in which the phenomenon of suicide was conveyed in an upbeat tune. Both have expressed a dark topic such as suicide in a captivating way. It seems like some of the lines from the poem are parallel to the song. One of the lines in the poem "Her suffocating words whispered out of relief tightness ‘round her throat." implies the person was free from her misery as she falls at the brink of her death, which is similarly described in the song lyrics "I died in your arms tonight. I slipped through into the afterlife. It was nice". Both perfectly encapsulate the theme of suicide in a manner that some people have felt going through with it. 

Upon reading the last part of the anthology, the poem has an unusual aspect to it, such as the placement of the first and second verse, which are cleverly written. The poem appears to be inspired by tarot reading, and the narrator seems to be the tarot reader. As a result of this poem, I now understand how tarot reading works. The narrator draws six cards at random, each representing a different personality and future prediction. The poem ends with the line "And so you went in wonder and surprise, for you have seen what lies ahead, through your palm into my eyes." as it concludes the tarot reading, parallel to the song lyrics from Song of the Witch by S.J. Tucker, "Backed with a drop of the future to hand; it's when we are human that you must take care, but wonders will come to you, darling, if only you dare!". It is clear from both lines that we have the freedom to explore as we take note of what the future holds.

Reading all the literary works from this anthology feels like a rollercoaster ride. I read masterpiece after masterpiece. It was all beautifully put together. It goes so deep into every topic discussed that I may just scratch the surface level of each part in regards to my interpretation. Reverting back to the quote I’ve mentioned from the beginning, it was indeed turning wounds into wisdom that can truly appreciate the art of our own struggles. I thought I was the one getting to know the author(s) behind the literary works but it turns out I’m just making an introspection about myself. Every interpretation that I have may have just been pertaining to me as I try to relate it to the nearest song I know. The complexity of this anthology has left me wondering as I look at it through the lens of self-actualization. From this anthology, various human experiences were discussed to teach us a lesson or imply that we are not alone, as some of them hit close to home, causing such damage, but as I tried to piece it all together, it left an impact as I was bondage from the pain of my misery. 

Link of the anthology: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qCTIOjeAeI06_aZ4spcwT6PxOAaCdr9M/view