antisatiric

[antisatiric]

its the same guy im always drawing. no one is really surprised tbh

#there once was a wanderer. ⟹ self.

[antisatiric]

dude i have been listening to so much mountain goats and the killers. both extremely twain coded artists. literally every song i'm like dude this is so twain from my blog. i think i just made him for the mountain goats dimension and the killers happen to sometimes make songs adjacent to that.

#you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism ⟹ ooc.

[antisatiric]

like life: stories.

dialogue prompts from like life: stories by lorrie moore.

where have you been?

happy? more than happy. we’re talking delirious.

everyone wants to sit next to you on the bus.

do you really love me?

i’m not going to hurt you.

when tenderness ends, there’s a lull before hatred.

are you waiting for someone?

are you coming with me?

i can wait for you only so long.

tell me something wonderful.

is this an awkward time?

i don’t know how to tell you these things.

can i ask you yes or no questions?

have a bad dream?

what a family you have!

do you feel alright?

i think i liked myself better before i knew that.

you seem so happy.

what’s in the box?

to our little lives on the prairie.

i think i’m too old for fun.

i didn’t know how to tell you.

what’s your favorite joke?

i’m not friendly, by nature.

you’re a stack of apologies.

you are my only friend.

i want to kiss you now.

have you ever been married?

marriage is the death you want to die.

i try not to ask too many things.

how will anyone ever get close to you?

let’s talk about music or death. why do we always have to talk about love?

you know, it’s okay to not be a nice person.

#as long as it made you feel something ... that's alright too. ⟹ rp memes.

[antisatiric]

we're so fucking back (again)

#you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism ⟹ ooc.

[antisatiric]

It seems like a rushed explanation, but Twain's not really sure he can give much better about this whole soul deal, so he's willing to let the half-assery slide for now. It'd probably be better to do some digging on his own anyway, since he doesn't want to become too reliant on the acquaintances he's made in this world to be able to survive here.

"Well, he called it my soul, but frankly I dunno if he meant it like an actual soul or if he was just makin' it easier to understand. But it was a part of me. I can, like, feel a difference when she's not here. The cat, I mean. And when she is here compared to before, but that all was a while ago, so..." He shrugs---it's never really occurred to him to desperately search for the details about his connection to Whipped Cream, since the results of the connection had been pretty damn clear.

Were this someone who the knowledge might affect, Twain might get a little more cagey about what he plans to reveal next, but since Whipped Cream isn't over on this side of the door anyway...

"Basically, the cat didn't exist before, and the guy I know who's super powerful and stuff took part of me to make the cat, 'cause I wished for a cat. She'll live as long as I do, 'n stuff, but I'll die if she dies, so I'm pretty sure that's solid proof that we're made of the same stuff. Anyway, that's why I'm a little concerned about the whole 'maybe takin' my soul' business that these entities might or might not do. I mean, there's a chance it could protect me from stuff takin' my soul but there's also a chance it just, I dunno, interdimensionally affects my cat. Which would suck."

If it didn't all sound so permanent and life-threatening, Twain might even be tempted to make himself a guinea pig in the whole process. Idle speculation tends to bore him a little, and he'll be wondering about this for as long as he's here. As it stands, though...

"But if they don't take your soul in the same sense as my soul's been fucked with... I mean, yeesh, that'd suck even more. Dunno how much I wanna mess around with that kinda thing, but from what I've heard it also sounds pretty unavoidable if you're aware of it."

The situation puts a complex expression on Twain's face. "Seems like I've jumped outta the frying pan and into an active volcano."

“Well, that’s plenty fair enough!” Simon said.  “It’s always wise to keep one’s options open.”  He might have invested heavily in the Institute, but he really didn’t care much whether someone worked for it or not.  They were signing themselves over to Jonah and the Eye if they did, and why would Simon get so interested in a patron that wasn’t even his?  He had to eat on occasion, too, so fewer meals for the Eye meant more potentials for him.

“If you change your mind about it, feel free to look me up!  I might not be in the country, though.”  London was home, but there was so much of the big, wide world and beyond to see.  He could not be expected to keep his availability convenient for anyone else, even someone in a situation as comparatively unique as Twain’s.

When Twain explained that half of his soul was in a cat of all things, that certainly got Simon’s attention.  He didn’t really want to talk about the Vast, something that wouldn’t make sense to the other no matter how much he explained it—he was never that good at laying all of that out, anyway—when there was something much more intriguing to discuss.

“Well, nobody quite knows how the Entities work,” Simon said with a dismissive wave of his hand.  “Whether they devour your soul or some other part of you.  All anyone can conclude is that they take something, but to tell you the truth, I wasn’t even sure there was such a thing as souls until now.  It’s just a shorthand we use, I suppose, for whatever it is they take from us.”  Whatever it was—soul, heart, humanity—Simon didn’t miss it.

“The Vast… how do I put this?”  He put his finger on his chin and tipped it skyward.  “It’s difficult to explain, incomprehensible by nature, very cosmically horrific and all that.  It’s meant to be too large to properly wrap your head around, and I can’t do it much justice with words.”

There, excuses all out of the way.

“Now, what about your soul in the cat?  Souls are real, then, and you can remove them?”

#a story repeated word for word exactly as i heard it. ⟹ ic. #in defense of wanting. ⟹ verse; fractures. #oceanoecielo

[antisatiric]

i tell this a lot to my plotting partners but i don't post much about it organically---one of my very favorite things about twain is how easily he molds himself around the people who find themselves involved in his life. it's unhealthy for him sometimes, but i LOVE getting to write out his capacity for change and shifts in perspective in all sorts of different directions depending on the people who give him their attention.

there are some things about him that are immutable, but even he himself treasures the things that aren't. his favorite thing about living is the other people living at the same time as him, so the imprints they leave on him, good or bad, are things he's taught himself to view as gifts.

#for the love of understanding. ⟹ headcanons.

[antisatiric]

technically this belongs on my multi where the rest of the twain related npcs actually have a blog home but i'm at work and don't want to relog so you are getting it here:

orion is an explorer. he's probably not very good at the game and either wanders off on his own or follows people around like a confused dog. doesn't know anything that's been changed in the last 5 updates. never been to the nether and never will.

henry is a fucking speedrunner but he can, like, ONLY do base game stuff so he doesn't do anything more complex than defeat the ender dragon within an hour of starting the world. he's also the one who gets everyone resources and armor quickly but he does it ALL vanilla with no like mob/exp farms or trading or anything.

benjamin on the other hand almost exclusively progresses through trading/building mob farms. he's a fucking whiz at everything that makes the game slightly more convenient to play but he's not that good at things like complex redstone.

pleasant is a hunter gatherer and twain's fellow builder who focuses more on terraforming whereas twain does like. buildings. she's the type to have every flower all of the time. she's also the glue holding this minecraft server together and just wants everyone to have fun.

pamela is the really competitive one who has to get the best gear and get it FIRST. she's in constant competition with henry because henry will often get diamond before her but she's always the first to get enchanted/netherite and she's also the first to make milestones like defeating an ocean temple or killing the wither that aren't necessary to the completion of the game.

margaret habitually leeches off of everyone else's progress not because she can't play the game but because work smarter not harder. constant chest looter and also the type to put tnt minecart traps around the bases of whoever makes her mad. really good at fishing.

i've been playing a ton of minecraft which is why you are getting this post but i think in minecraft twain is the type of person to be really really good at and passionate about building because he's amazed by the beauty of creation but he'd struggle to actually play the game by himself because he finds the most joy in sharing it with others.

#you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism ⟹ ooc. #there aren't any redstoners in this family bc theyre all dumb fucks #zelazny from twain's early guild lore would probably be good at redstone #him and emily maybe

[antisatiric]

i've been playing a ton of minecraft which is why you are getting this post but i think in minecraft twain is the type of person to be really really good at and passionate about building because he's amazed by the beauty of creation but he'd struggle to actually play the game by himself because he finds the most joy in sharing it with others.

#AND HE'D RUN OFF EVERY 5 MINUTES TRYING TO FIND THE BEST PLACE TO BUILD #you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism ⟹ ooc. #for the love of understanding. ⟹ headcanons.

[antisatiric]

he’s down on one knee , one of twain’s hand clasped between two of his own as if he were holding the most precious of gems . ❝ you must be a painless , burden-less death personified into a human - being - - - because , like my desired fate , i have searched tirelessly for you my entire life . ❞ the display is deliberately cheesy &. entirely off - tune for a man who commonly insists that he does not make a hobby of embracing , touching , or gently caressing men .

/ cringe pickup line upon ye .

This feels like something Dazai's just doing for whatever bit he's concocted in his head.

Twain really isn't stupid enough to think there's any kind of sincerity behind it when Dazai says things like that; it's likely he'll flip the situation over on its head in the next second, declare it was a ruse or that Twain has somehow wronged him and dramatically revoke his statement.

Of course, the deliberate fakeness is what attracts Twain most to the gesture. If it were real---if someone were saying that kind of thing to him because they like-liked him or something like that, he'd probably recoil, make some kind of excuse to leave.

But it's Dazai. If there's one thing he's learned from experience, it's that in this respect, he's generally pretty safe. So he does what he does best; he plays along with a smile.

"Aww. Someone's really after my heart today." He finds it almost too easy to grin like he wants, to portray the picture of real happiness that he'd like Dazai to see through. Feigning obliviousness, he carries on, "So, what's the occasion?"

valentine's day. / unprompted.

#dazai clearly obviously doing this to be fake and annoying vs twain's literal dream being people flirting with and being close to him- #-without sincerity: fight #a story repeated word for word exactly as i heard it. ⟹ ic. #i think that what you're askin' for just might make things worse. ⟹ ask. #the best path is the path you never asked for. ⟹ verse; steadfast endings. #longerhuman

[antisatiric]

taking a break from tumblr because i want to play minecraft

#i will come back and write things but i think i overextended myself a little recently between this dnd and the upcoming rpg #you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism ⟹ ooc.

[antisatiric]

which of my favorite specific character archetypes are you?

THE MATRYOSHKA DOLL.

Someone with layers, and a painted surface hiding deep intricacy below. A person who changes completely in a blink of an eye, a person with contradictions but something cohesive holding everything together.

tagged by: @longerhuman tagging: you! ;P

#wahaha actually i do feel like it fits #there once was a wanderer. ⟹ self.

[antisatiric]

shame is the most powerful and long-lasting emotion we have.

"Sure it is," Twain says. The slight huff of laughter he lets out afterwards is real---he hadn't believed the statement at first.

But then again, he feels shame a lot more powerfully than he does grief, these days. Or joy. His work with the Guild has become such an unfulfilling day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day that he's put himself through a lot more recently just to feel alive at all. The part of him that itches to run is stamped out only by the part of him that feels obligated to keep promises.

'Shame' is probably why Dazai is more entertaining to talk to than most of the other people he knows. He's different---difficult to read in a way that's really enticing, and under the surface Twain has the sneaking suspicion that he's the sort of person who wouldn't care all that much if Twain got himself murked in a back alley one day.

In other words, the way Twain tends to hang on his every word with deep interest (even though generally he doesn't put much stock in their contents) should probably be completely humiliating to anyone with any sort of self awareness. And it absolutely is; he has an inkling that's part of the reason the topic of shame had come up in the first place. Unfortunately for Twain, deriving a special sort of enjoyment from that sort of thing isn't exactly new to him, and the break from the tedium it provides only makes his interest more intense.

His expression, without his knowledge, has slowly warped itself into an easygoing grin.

"No need to guess how you know that," he says. "Considerin'... Well, everything you've got goin' on, really. I think if anyone else acted the way you do they'd be too embarrassed to leave the house in the morning."

happiness falls. / accepting.

#a story repeated word for word exactly as i heard it. ⟹ ic. #i think that what you're askin' for just might make things worse. ⟹ ask. #the best path is the path you never asked for. ⟹ verse; steadfast endings. #longerhuman #i don't think i've brought this up specifically in the context of their relationship but whenever we've written them together #i've been using twain's stuck-with-the-guild verse for interactions #it's probably the better of his two epilogues but in this particular variant where he's a little more distanced from his coworkers atm #i think it tends to get a little boring for him. which also isn't HELPING the eventual mess this is going to evolve into #he's much more prone to being unhealthy and weird as hell when he's forced into a tedious and monotonous position #for someone like twain who needs constant action and movement all the time but isn't getting that from most of his life. someone like dazai #would pretty much be the perfect remedy for that. being the way he is #actually i wouldn't be surprised if 'entertainment' was the catalyst to their whole um. eventual arrangement in the first place

[antisatiric]

i'll have 1 icon ever.

i am bored and don't have much to write on the blogs i usually write on --- maybe that's a sign to try making some icons since i don't feel like bios either ... ?

#you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism ⟹ ooc.

[antisatiric]

i am like dropping hints that maybe i would like some memes

#you can't handle the uber instincts of my uber autism ⟹ ooc.

[antisatiric]

happiness falls.

dialogue prompts from happiness falls by angie kim.

there's a fine line, if any, between optimism and willful idiocy.

why would you assume things can't go wrong just because they haven't yet?

hanging up an iphone isn't nearly as satisfying as slamming down a landline.

hope is dangerous.

intuition trumps intellect every time.

it isn't like i was keeping it a secret.

i'm working on seeming less bossy.

you are too old for this juvenile bullshit.

bring a first aid kit, just in case.

i never read the articles, only the cartoons.

i know what you're thinking. i'm thinking it, too.

i won't tell you not to worry, but take care of yourself.

sometimes it's the tiniest difference that can make the most difference.

are you a spy?

my life just isn't that interesting.

no shutting me out and trying to do everything yourself.

i have no idea what you're thinking, but i'm thinking i need coffee asap.

'greetings'? who in hell says 'greetings'?

i'll never scare you like that again.

don't force me to ask.

i wanted to just fucking die.

i feel badly about how we left things.

i thought we were open with each other.

shame is the most powerful and long-lasting emotion we have.

the best defense is a good offense.

stop talking. don't make it worse.

it's easy to be generous when you've taken so much.

i can't fall apart. someone has to get shit done.

i care more about authenticity and honesty than tact.

i didn't realize you still did that.

sometimes, in moments of great stress, we revert to childhood behaviors.

i love your sarcasm when it isn't pointed at me.

thinking and planning are luxuries we can't afford.

'no withholding anything from anyone'. that's my new mantra.

you have to save the highest penalty sin for last. build up slowly.

slow down. start from the beginning. what happened?

i don't care if i never find out what happened.

have you ever noticed how different things sound out loud instead of inside your head?

you can be honest without being cruel.

what are you hiding? i can see it behind you. what is it?

when you can't talk, people assume you can't understand.

i am a different person in english.

can you blame me?

sometimes semantics matter. words matter.

i'd rather give you the benefit of the doubt.

i would be horrible at your job.

you know a lot more than anyone's given you credit for.

a fucking break is what i want.

it did not feel 'rare', living through it.

everyone thought they were next.

there are some things you can't say out loud.

i'm glad we tried.

anger feels so much better than grief.

i don't like remembering it.

it's okay if the answer is no.

god, we're a mess.

this isn't a movie. this is real life.

if this was a 'choose your own adventure' book, what would you hope for?

when did you wake up?

there's no harm in hoping.

how long will i feel this way?

the first try is always the hardest, right?

the world should have to accommodate you, for once.

you can squeeze my hand when it hurts too much.

stop playing games and say what you mean.

you've been doubted long enough.

you doubted me, didn't you? just a little.

i don't want to forget. i want to remember.

i still have good days and bad.

#as long as it made you feel something ... that's alright too. ⟹ rp memes.

[antisatiric]

i think the number one thing to keep in mind when it comes to shipping with twain is that without fail he falls in love pretty fast and hard, and he doesn't let go of his feelings easily.

it's not to the point of being obsessive, but depending on the dynamic it can often get to the point where he's willing to do ***literally anything*** for the sake of the person he loves.

#for the love of understanding. ⟹ headcanons.

[antisatiric]

all this could be yours, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from all this could be yours by jami attenberg.

no one is normal.

we are all equally disturbed.

nothing i could tell you about us would surprise you.

i think we’re in for a ride.

i’ll cut you a deal. i’ll forgive you for half.

i’m not perfect, either.

we can’t help who we love.

that wasn’t a critique.

i just don’t want to tell you.

i promise not to read it.

you don’t have to explain yourself to me.

it was just nice to believe in something.

i hate myself for picking this place, but i wanted to impress you.

i would go anywhere with you.

i’ve never been in love. isn’t that a shame?

tell me everything. wait, i don’t wanna know.

is it everything you ever wanted?

i’ll never understand why you want to run toward the danger.

i think i might be sad.

it looks nice on you.

i can’t believe you won’t tell me the truth.

we were desperate for love.

you could’ve just told me.

it’s really bad here right now.

was that a strange thing to say?

what is ‘happy’, anyway?

was i ever special at all?

i feel like i’m seeing you with fresh eyes.

people can like the same thing for different reasons.

this can never happen again.

we could take that money and run.

i think we’re done.

you’re not as bad as you think you are. you’re not bad at all.

i know you. you’re good.

some people are just bad forever.

i don’t know how to make you happy without making me unhappy.

that’s a fucked up thing to say.

actions have consequences.

#as long as it made you feel something ... that's alright too. ⟹ rp memes.