authorellaceder-blog

[authorellaceder-blog]

The first step

Writing a novel is insanely hard. I should know, I’ve been trying since I was twelve. Then the years went on, and many unfinished projects eventually became one finished. I was eighteen, fresh out of high school with the intellectual maturity of a teenager and the self-confidence of five adults. With great reviews from my mum and one teacher I sent my manuscript to the publishers. It was rejected.

It was a truly devastating blow. My confidence broke down completely and I stopped writing for quite some time. It took me years to realise that I wasn’t, in fact, a bad writer. I was just an immature one. As a teenager, everything needs to happen quickly, there’s no patience for any slow-paced development. As a teenager, I would dive head first into any skill that I wanted to learn. At fifteen, I wanted to start sewing my own clothes, so I bought enough fabric to make a nice dress. I was completely overwhelmed and never finished the project. I had a similar experience with oil painting, and the huge canvas gathered dust in my room for years before I eventually threw it away. It was thereby hardly surprising to anyone that I also wanted to be a published writer before I turned twenty.

It doesn’t work that way. I had made a habit of rushing into things that I wasn’t ready for. Starting small was out of the question, what sort of achievement would that be? In retrospect, I needed the wake-up call that was the rejection of my book.

So, I took some years off in regards to writing. I started working, moved to another country and filled my life with new experiences and traveling adventures. I also learned some hard lessons of grief, poverty, heartbreak and what to do in a desperate situation. I guess the hardest lesson of them all is that you don’t know who you are until you’ve really suffered, and managed to fix it all on your own. (That is an achievement to be proud of.)

Nine years have gone by since my book was rejected - I will be turning twenty-eight this summer. Today I decided to start outlining a new novel. The story has been in my head for a long time, and now I feel emotionally ready to break it out of there. I know it will be hard work, but at least now I’m patient. Outlining is only the first step, and I’m ok with that.

#writer #writers