bcywonder

[bcywonder]

that, at least, makes dick laugh. especially because he doesn't doubt jason for even a second - and he's seen jay yell at people. it can be really scary. especially when they're not expecting it. and wally rarely is, somehow, despite having known jason for ages.

he settles into the quiet, pulls his legs back up to make himself small because it always feels more comfortable, somehow. it lets him rest his cheek on his knee, too. makes it easier to watch jason. ❛ never thought i'd hear you admit that, ❜ jason's had beef with wally for...a decent chunk of time. it's kind of nice, that he might be coming around about it. ❛ but you're right. i know you are. he's been so patient with everything. i owe him that talk. ❜

“And if things go pear-shaped just call me.” Jason strikes a gloved fist into his open palm pointedly, brow ticking up over his domino mask. “Not that I’ll be able to kick his ass but I’ll yell at him until he wishes I did.”

He stuffs the last few curly fries into his mouth and drops his weight back into a comfortable slouch, bracing back on a hand. The comma chatter quietly between the two of them for a moment, but nothing interesting jumps out. Someone pulled over for speeding. Someone else called for a drunken altercation.

“…I don’t think things will go pear-shaped. At least, I hope not. Like, you somehow made it through moving in with him and then moving out and still being together and figuring that whole hiccup out. And Walls is good people.”

#hoodedmenace

[bcywonder]

dick's heels bounce off the wall, and he chews on his lip for a second while he tries to unravel that. the last thing he wants is to upset wally, and the idea that he might have done it without even realising is...it sucks. it really, really sucks. and it's more complicated than it should be, because if the resentment's built because of mar'i then dick has no choices, there. he has nowhere to go, because mar'i needs him.

but he wants wally. god, he hates this a little bit.

❛ yeah, yeah i know. ❜ and yeah, maybe dick's been a little hypocritical there. he will talk to wally. he'll talk to wally and figure out what the hell they do about this, how they make this work without letting it tear them apart. it'll be fine. ❛ i'll talk to him. ❜

Jason realizes his mistake almost as soon as it’s out of his mouth and makes a face about it. “…No. I didn’t mean it like that. I okay, there’s little else that means, sure, but I’ve seen you two. Wally doesn’t strike me as the type of person to let you make him upset like that without saying anything about it.”

He hopes. He and Wally are friendly with each other, but that doesn’t mean Jason knows him well, even though Wally does a shocking impression of someone who remembers a lot of random things about him, like things he likes, books he’s recently read… he could probably try harder himself.

“I don’t think he might resent you, Blue, but you should talk to him about it anyway, right? That’s what you’re supposed to do. You keep telling me yourself.”

#hoodedmenace

[bcywonder]

❛ you gotta stop burning bridges, ❜ it's almost a joke, dick knocking his foot right back. resentful's not a word he'd thought of before jason had said it. does wally resent him? will wally resent him? has dick done enough to inspire that? god maybe he has.

and also maybe he's spiralling right now. ❛ you think he might resent me? ❜

If there's anyone here who knows anything about sitting on unsaid things in a relationship because it feels like there's no space, it's Jason. Buck, for some reason, is a master at that.

He sighs and knocks his boot into Dick's.

"Yeah. Don't want him to be resentful." Not that Wally's ever struck him as a resentful person, but that's the thing. He's too nice. Always has been. "Just, uh, look at my calendar, or whatever. Tell me what works for you. I don't mind watching her for a night, assuming she'll even fall asleep with me, but we'll burn that bridge when we're crossing it."

#hoodedmenace

[bcywonder]

❛ i think since the beginning, ❜ the problem is that dick doesn't even know if it's from both of them, if wally's feeling as weird as dick is about it. probably because of the not being able to have that conversation with a baby around thing. the thing about wally is that he puts up a really good front, he always has. dick's maybe just worried that if he starts digging the whole thing will shatter.

part of it is that dick just feels like he's had to be taken care of a lot lately. he doesn't want to wear wally thin with that. ❛ actually that might be...yeah. if you could, i just - i don't know. i don't want him to feel like he has no say in all this, y'know? ❜

Jason isn't even going to pretend he understands how all of this is working out—beyond Dick just genuinely being good friends with the Titans, it's always seemed to him like they've always shared this inexplicable bond. It's something he's spent a long time trying unsuccessfully to not be jealous of, but the weirdness is the core of it. The weirdness of doing the things they have been doing as young as they were...

That all has to count for something, right?

"Have you just been... feeling complicated and confused about it lately or since the start? I know things happened kind of fast and you're just getting into a rhythm, but if you need me to watch Mar'i for a night, I'm sure Buck and I could figure it out. Kinda hard having big feelings around a baby."

#hoodedmenace

[bcywonder]

❛ yeah, you are, ❜ dick means that. jason's got this...hard shell up that he hides behind, where he pretends to be cool and disconnected, but he's -- so full of love, and life, and care that it never lasts for long. not around people that try, with him. dick's always appreciated that. he appreciates it more, now, when his daughter has someone else she can go to when things get hard. she might not be talking just yet but dick has a feeling jay is close to being her first word.

wally is a different matter entirely. ❛ as well as anyone could, i think. i still feel...weird about it, about how it all happened. but he's friends with kori too, made it super clear that he'd help even if mar'i wasn't mine biologically. ❜ it's just not exactly how dick saw this period of their relationship going. ❛ good, i guess is the short answer. complicated and confusing is maybe the long one. ❜

Just like Dick to be so surprised by the truth when it involves himself. Jason pretends he doesn’t notice it, because that’s what he usually does. Lets Dick marinate in the feeling for a moment.

He knocks his foot back against Dick’s and snags his untouched container of curly fries. “Yeah, well, what can I say? I’m super lovable.” Not that he tries on purpose—of course he doesn’t want Mar’i to hate him, but kids are easy. He’s always found them to be easy to be around, a natural cadence that takes over, and Mar’i is just… so charming. Just beginning to come around with cobbled together words, and he’s been not-so-slyly teaching her how to sign things like more and yes and no and please and thank you. The basic stuff. “Not to take the spotlight of compliments off me, but how’s Walls dealing with Surprise Fatherhood?”

#hoodedmenace

[bcywonder]

dick's eyebrows furrow. it's not a question he's ever been asked before. it's not one he's sure he should be asked. ❛ you know i chose this, right? ❜ his tone is light, his words well chosen. dick's always been good at that sort of thing. ❛ i'm not carting around the weight of the world because i had powers thrown on me when i was a kid, supes. i do this because i care. not because it's demanded of me. ❜ maybe it's a lie - maybe it's not. if it is, dick's so deep into it, he doesn't even see it himself. ain't that something?

Mantles are made, and those associated are met with certain expectations by the public. He knows that Jon feels it. The burden of Superman that has hung over his son's head before he was even given a choice. Dick had been one of the first. One that's managed to make his own legacy despite ties to the Bat. "Do you think the world asks too much of you because of us...because of me?" / @bcywonder / sc.

#svpe #!!!!!

[bcywonder]

dick's eyebrows raise a little. not so much shocked by the compliment as he is just...a little speechless. because he feels like he's been almost blindly chugging along with this, not a single clue as to what he's doing. to hear that jason thinks he's doing it naturally is -- kind of astounding. ❛ thanks, man, ❜ dick knocks his foot against jason's shin, blinks out at the city. ❛ couldn't do it without you, though. don't think mar'i would want me to. the kid loves you. ❜

Jason doesn’t say anything to that for a moment, tongue poking into his cheek, face turned to the street. He gets that too. He doesn’t have a kid, but failure and disappointment come in all sorts of different flavors, some of them worse than others.

“You don’t let anyone down,” he finally says with a shrug. “And when you do, you fix it. That’s kind of your thing, not being able to live with disappointment. Do I think that’s going to make you a better parent? Maybe. Maybe not. But you’re taking to this a lot more naturally than I think you’re allowing yourself to see. Because you can only ever see it from your eyes, not anyone else’s.”

#hoodedmenace

[bcywonder]

she gives him long enough to sort of cry himself out, which just leaves him sniffling and feeling a little bit useless. he's eighteen, he shouldn't need to do this. he should be better than this. so when lois pulls away, dick goes the opposite direction, scrubbing at his face with his hands, cheeks pink.

❛ 'kay, ❜ it's not the manners alfred or ma kent would've expected out of him, but dick doesn't really have the capacity for much right now. he figures lois will forgive him - he hopes she will. ❛ it - i can help get it. ❜

" oh — " she's not expecting that, the way he leans into her and starts to cry. it's not a bad thing — it just is. but lois is sort of guessing here, because she's a bit outside of her knowledge zone, so her hand is slow when she lifts it to rub her thumb across the back of his neck.

" came to the right place, " lois says, quietly. because there's not always people here, but there's something here that dick's more than welcome to, always. she's quiet for a while, feels her clark's shirt start to get a little damp with tears, and then tests the waters by pulling away just a bit. " eat some food. you'll feel better, after. "

#wyhlds

[bcywonder]

to say he melts would be something like an understatement. dick practically folds into her, arms around her waist. he thinks maybe he doesn't mean to start crying but it happens anyway, like a dam breaking. he shakes with it, listening to her reassure him. ends up, he thinks, laughing through it at because of course.

of course she'd fight for him. but there's no fight because he knows clark cares and god, dick is so tired. ❛ sorry, ❜ it's hard to say what he's apologising for. the crying, that he turned up here in the first place, that he's hugging lois. there's a lot to unpack here. ❛ i didn't want to be alone. ❜

" — it's around here somewhere. we can find it later. " lois watches for a second as dick works through whatever he needs to say, and then just sort of stands there for a second after with her fingers flexing inside of the sleeves of one of clark's pullovers. and then she sort of just thinks fuck it, wanders over to his other side, and sits down, and pulls dick into a very, very careful side hug.

" you can stay here, " she says, sort of into dick's hair. she doesn't ask about what happened with bruce, because she doesn't really think she should. but the other part, though — " clark won't say no. and if he does, he has to deal with me. "

#wyhlds

[bcywonder]

it's not like dick is touch starved or anything, but he leans into the brief touch like he's aching for it. a moment or two passes, and he follows her direction to the couch. sits down easily, or as easily as he can. resists, largely, the urge to pull up his legs and make himself small. he doesn't need to with lois. it's not going to help the bullet wound either - which is almost healed, thanks.

❛ he made a key? ❜ dick takes a breath and tilts back for a second. he didn't know that. he doesn't - ❛ bruce kicked me out. ❜ it comes in a rush, and then dick shakes his head. ❛ or uh...fired me? i guess. i don't know. i can't go home. not for a little while but i don't - i can stay at the tower and stuff it's not...sorry. ❜

lois makes an executive decision that tonight is dinner on the couch night. which... last night, she also had dinner on the couch, and she'll probably eat dinner on the couch again tomorrow, but tonight is really a dinner on the couch night. so she sorts out lasagna and sets both plates on tv trays in front of the couch.

she thinks about hugging dick, when he comes back down. he's been crying. and it's not that she doesn't want to, she's just not — quite sure if she's supposed to. this is more clark's area of expertise. so lois just kind of awkwardly touches his arm, points at the couch. " you're always welcome here. i take it he hasn't gotten around to giving you the key he's had made for two months yet. "

#wyhlds

[bcywonder]

he didn't mean to come over while clark was away. that's a lot, it's putting a lot on lois. but she lets him in and starts talking like it's no big deal. she always does - dick's never been more grateful for that than he is right now.

he's got a beat up duffle bag over his shoulder, heavier than it normally is when he comes for a night, running from bruce because they'd had a fight. this is that but...bigger. more. so much more, because dick's got a healing bullet wound in his shoulder and no home to go back to. lois suggests the spare room and dick goes without a word, because that feels like the right thing to do.

❛ yeah, ❜ he says it over his shoulder like an afterthought. there's a good routine to this now. dick puts his bag down and gets sheets and makes the bed and cries a little bit while he does it all. when he comes back down his eyes are a little red but he looks less stressed than he did before. ❛ thanks, lois. i didn't - i didn't know uncle clark wasn't here. ❜

i don't have anyone. ( for lois! )

" you know as well as i do that that's a load of bullshit, " lois says, holds the door open a little wider so dick can squeeze by. because... even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment, there's a reason that dick showed up here of all of the places he could've gone, and it's because they love him, here. and, at least, clark loves dick like he'd love his (and her— their, hopefully) hypothetical children. and, lois... well, lois would drop everything, has dropped everything, because dick grayson needed a person — and she's not clark kent (no one is), but she likes to think that maybe, sometimes, she can be that person for him.

" come on — clark's not here for the next few days, but he left lasagna, with martha's secret tomato sauce recipe. " a lot of lasagna. lois gets a hand over dick's shoulder, steers him gently towards the kitchen. " you wanna go make up the spare room, while i heat dinner up ? "

#wyhlds

[bcywonder]

if bruce isn't answering then something must be wrong, and that's a problem in itself, that's already something dick will have to deal with. which is easier to think about than what he actually has going on right now, which is awful. the bullet wound, that is. ❛ i don't wanna fucking move - ❜ but it makes sense, moving, and dick is mad about that. he shoves a hand over his own wound, pushing harvey's out of the way. ❛ 'kay, c'mon then - ❜

why did it have to be him? couldn't it have been jason - at least harvey and the resurrected son have something akin to respect between them. " i tried that first, wing, i really did. " there are still bullets flying and the older man seems to have more fear in him than he used to. he doesn't want to be there. he'll go anywhere he's needed. he's not needed there. " i'm going to move you, okay? got my car across the street. no driver but me. "

#symme1ry #grumpy

[bcywonder]

it's not like dick hasn't been shot before. it just - it doesn't get easier. if anything, it gets harder, because as soon as it happens dick knows what's next. the pain hits hard, about as hard as he hits the ground, and dick just thinks fucking shit. and harvey's there, of all people. pressure on the wound makes him shift, but dick tries to be a good little patient when he chokes out ❛ just call b - too much liability. ❜

if the ringing in harvey's ear is as loud in @bcywonder as it is his own, it's likely the boy can't understand the shouting. harvey stands above him, gold mask still intact, orders given and fingers pointing direction. the pool of blood underneath the acrobat is concerning. harvey crouches over and holds a ripped piece of clothing against a bullet's entry wound. " i got you. i'm taking you to doc. " no names. dick should know he means leslie. harvey's trying his best. " i got you; don't squirm. "

#symme1ry

[bcywonder]

* NIKITA  SENTENCE  STARTERS   ( P. 2 / ? )

taken from the 2010 television series. feel free to alter pronouns / tenses to fit rp purposes.

“ you’ve been watching too many spy movies. ” “ you hung up on me. ” “ here we go again. ” “ give me the damn glock ! ” “ think you can track her down ? ” “ super dedicated, super focused.  it’s annoying as hell. ” “ it’s a minor emergency. ” “ you had me at ‘give me the damn glock’. ” “ i know you’ll be smart and i know you’ll be careful, but please be strong.  for yourself.  god knows you’ve been for me. ” “ the enemy of my enemy is just another man standing in my way. ” “ ask before thou takest ! ” “  you were wrong, by the way.  about you not being a hero. ” “ i’m dead without him. ” “ you know that i’m with you, no matter what.  you want to invade the moon, and i will find the next rocket ship. ” “ i don’t know about you, but i could never just sit on a beach anyway. ” “ you guys ready to go kick some super spy ass ? ” “ i didn’t realize you were going for the medal round. ” “ you can stay here. this is a safe place. ” “ can i shoot him yet ? ” “ you asked me to choose. who will I be ?  this is my choice. ” “ she’s the one not talking to me. ” “ you’ve gotta talk to her, dude.  tell her. ” “ i needed to become the destroyer that you met all those years ago. ” “ no hacking the cia ! ” “ you want to know who i am ?  i’m a survivor. ” “ we were partners.  i should’ve treated you like one. ” “ sounds like batman. ” “ do you think we can ever erase who we were ?  come back from it ?  do we even deserve to ? ” “ you say you didn’t want forgiveness, but you deserve it. at least from me. ” “ i can’t protect you anymore. ” “ you think i can’t be selfish ?  this is the most selfish thing i’ve ever done.  i did this because i love you. ”

[bcywonder]

sure, a wife is different. grief is grief. it happens in a thousand different ways. dick's lost more people than he can count, at this point. some he can't even name anymore, vague memories of an eight-year-old's family that got ripped away the second his parents hit the floor of the big top. dick has sympathy to a point.

not for this. ❛ how the fuck am i supposed to feel about that? ❜ his tone contrasts the words entirely - it's even, and collected. batman trained in its lack of emotion. he doesn't show any sign of moving. of wanting to move. ❛ don't i get to choose what some of that forgiveness looks like? because believe me, harvey, making me watch you die isn't the way to do it. ❜

" a wife is different. " he whispers ever so softly, floating gilda's spirit above him, eyes rolling up as if he could see her. sometimes he can, even if rationality tells him it's a hallucination. the doctor says it's part brain damage, part grief. he still speaks to the ghost. she still picks out his tie. only death could come between them, and it had.

" if I died protecting you, i would have earned some forgiveness. " the same goes for all of them, but richard more. dick was worth the pain of another near death experience. according to harvey, dick deserved to see him hurt. he was just too fucking good a man to say it. " you should go. you've done your due diligence. i'm alive. i'll be here a while."

#acidcaught

[bcywonder]

❛ we've all lost people, harvey, ❜ dick just sounds tired. he sounds so much older than he is, watching with bruise-exhausted eyes. ❛ you don't get to put that on me, though. what's the choice, there? let you bleed out in front of me? ❜

dick shakes his head. retreats a little further into his sweatshirt. ❛ you think i haven't stood on the edge of a rooftop and thought about falling? thought about letting the line run out? come on, man. ❜ dick shakes his head. ❛ you don't put that on someone else. that's not fair. ❜

his gold mask is gone. its heavy weight hid most of his sins and now he's naked, bare for all to see the fuck up he became. both eyes trail dick's movements but only one can see. when the boy sits, harvey turns back to face ahead, to the dawn he didnt want to see.

" you wouldn't understand. you're still young. life's yours for the taking, dick. " he'd shrug, but it would hurt. the iv in his arm is annoying, and he would yank it out too if dick wasn't there. " i became something i could be proud of, then i became worse than how I was raised. a monster and a freak, and I miss my fucking wife. " can't a man just die in peace around here?

#acidcaught #suicide tw

[bcywonder]

it's enough for him to break the barrier - to enter the room properly. so dick does ; hooks his foot around the leg of the chair and tugs it closer to the bed so he can sit down, prop his feet up on the side. not on the mattress, obviously. alfred raised him better than that.

❛ no, ❜ not past the usual. there's always bruises and aches, but nothing's broken. not even fractured. ❛ i'm not the one that got shot, ❜ and that's neither here nor there. dick looks right at harvey - he hasn't got any of that fear. ❛ what's with the suicidal ideation bullshit, harvey? never pinned you as the type. ❜

" oh, absolutely. why else do you think I became district attorney? i like hav- -- " having an audience... the last word is left lingering on his tongue as he passes out, praying without speaking that the light at the end is coming from a woman waiting on him and him alone.

of course, he must wake. he wakes to a light so bright he has to blink several times against it. it's a hospital room, a constant sharp beep to his left, a young man to his right. his heart still works, though his mind is sluggish. leave it to dick to be the boy wonder, to save harvey's ass when he's walking into a fire of his own making.

he recognizes the sweatshirt and tries not to cry. he would have been just fine dying. and yet he's happy, somehow, that he didn't. " ha - no guarantees, but I can promise to try my best. " his eyes wander the room. only one eye sees. he doesn't look at dick. " are you hurt? "

#acidcaught #suicide tw