beyond-the-pale-yay

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

I'm starting to feel terrified :)

Both because of social anxiety (I'm afraid I don't fit in or it takes too long to find a nice crew) and academic anxiety. Everyone seems so smart and full of questions and debate and I'm like just listening, can't think of any questions ever, enough if I don't get distracted.

I'll probably be fine but the start will be difficult and I'm scared of it.

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

Everything seems so perfect and good to be true! I'm afraid of getting disappointed because that'll happen :(

My peers, the teachers, the atmosphere, the topics covered... I'm so excited. I want to make the most of it and do my best.

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

It must be so different the way that drummers listen and experience music, it has to be a completely different perception.

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

I wanna be wave

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

Goals

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

It is always so difficult for me to find like-minded people.

It feels like they don't exist. But then you go to YouTube, Instagram or whatever and there are in fact people with the same interests, tastes or ambitions.

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I should stand up and go anyway or if I should shut up and stay.

I'm still digesting all, it's hard to accept that I won't be there for the start of the degree, I won't be there to meet my classmates and new people.

Am I really not aware if I just go? Or is it their fear and that they don't want me to go away in this situation?

On top of this, I'm tired or bored of this routine. I'm not motivated like I used to be a month ago. I don't know if it's the heat or other frustrations but I feel tired. At times I don't even feel like starting my course (obviously because it's likely that I won't be there and that everything is radically different -and uncertain).

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

Today is the day I feel like doing nothing but I can't stand not doing anything but I can't do anything. I don't know if it's that I'm tired or just not motivated... Where's my energy?

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

Yo no quiero alguien que sea guapo (no necesariamente), quiero alguien que sea moni, achuchable, etc. 😍

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

Whenever we're back to normal (real normal), the first thing I want to do is go to a gig or a thousand gigs.

And Fontaines D.C. are the priority if possible. Can't wait to feel the energy of the audience singing along and jumping and pushing each other. Can't wait to feel the music in me and listen to the amazing lyrics.

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

#fontaines d.c. #music

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

All your laughter pissed away

All your sadness pissed away

Now you don't care what they say

Nor do I

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

Love her always.

#julia jacklin #Spotify

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

Therapeutic. Always.

Thanks Elliott.

#Spotify

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

With an asshole (and/or retrograde)

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

I want some of this.

[beyond-the-pale-yay]

I have to learn how to let things go. They get stuck in my head and there's no way of letting them out. The fact that I'm not capable of doing so, pisses me off even more.

I just wanna keep reading, I just wanna be able to focus and let go of the things that are annoying me.

30 July 2020