butterfliesonthewall

[butterfliesonthewall]

[butterfliesonthewall]

this ad is so fucking funny to me, but i can’t explain why

[butterfliesonthewall]

Knowledge is empowering

#neil gaiman

[butterfliesonthewall]

Okay, I frickin’ adore the Earth Is Space Australia business, so here’s my two cents. Someone did a great post about laughter as a fear response and how freaky that would be to aliens. 

There’s another thing we do when we’re about to go into battle and we’re scared out of our minds. 

So Alien Steve is minding his own business as the new guy on the Starship Incandescent. It’s a mixed ship, about half human, a quarter Silesian, and the rest a grab bag of species, but he hasn’t had any major problems so far. Then the pirates show up and shoot out their FTL drives so they can’t escape, and they’re outnumbered ten to one, and he calculates their odds of survival at very low. The comm link is still active, so they can hear the pirates laughing as they get ready to tear the Incandescent open and vent them all into vacuum. At least the end will be quick. 

And then he hears it. 

Stamp stamp clap. Stamp stamp clap. Stamp stamp clap. Stamp stamp clap.

And Human Steve starts chanting. It makes no sense. Human incantations are for birth anniversaries, or aquatic grooming rituals, or for the ancient rite of passage known as “ka-ra-oke”. This is not a time of celebration. It is a time of preparing for imminent and ugly death by gravity cannon. But every human on the bridge starts chanting, too. 

The pirates aren’t laughing anymore. Human Steve wraps his fingers around the main gunnery controls, and the crew descends as one into battle. 

Teradecads later, his students will beg him for the story of how the Incandescent destroyed the Tyn’x Syndicate. To this day he credits their victory to the invocation of the great Human battle god Queen.

#queen #alien steve #we will rock you #we will we will rock you #humans are space orcs

[butterfliesonthewall]

George sighed. He’d been in this god-forsaken prison for who knows how long. When the Eglic attacked the colony on Zedlum-8B, they had been swift and effective. He didn’t know how many had survived, but too many hadn’t. The colony had been wiped out.

Why? Who knew. He’d overheard the guards, who spoke about intense radio interference coming from Earth. It seemed they didn’t like loud noises. It was driving George a little stir-crazy. Every time he spoke above a whisper, the guards cracked down on it. Every. Freaking. Time.

George got up and started pacing, his shoes clacking against the floor. It was the only noise the Eglic guards wouldn’t punish him for. He’d been electrocuted by the guards’ spears numerous times for making noise, but it was worth it to banish the silence. It was so… oppressive.

The colony had been full of sound and life. Here, for all George knew, he was alone. He had little to no idea where he was or why, and of course, the guards weren’t allowing any contact with the outside world. For all he knew, he was going to die here- so what did it even matter?

Maybe there were other humans here, humans from the colony on Zedlum-8B- but they would never know he was here. He’d never know they were there.

Then, he got an idea. If there were other humans in this place, they’d be just as lonely, and they’d respond. And if no one responded, he’d know he was alone.

George took a deep breath. He’d seen several guards walk past his door on the way to their equivalent of a “lunch break”. This was as good a time as any to try.

He stopped pacing in the center of his cell and took a deep breath. He stomped twice on the floor, and clapped once, then waited a beat.

Stomp. Stomp. Clap!

Again.

Stomp. Stomp. Clap!

And again.

Stomp. Stomp. Clap!

And…

“What are you doing?” There was a guard at the door. George froze.

Stomp. Stomp. Clap!

That hadn’t been George.

The guard whirled around to face another door. Someone had responded.

There was another human here!

George took up the beat again. After a few more rounds, he could pick up three distinct claps. Then four. Then more. He’d had no idea there were so many humans here.

He could have cried, but the guard had been joined by two more. George watched as their faces turned puce.

“What do we do? They’ve never done this!” one asked another.

“Someone tell the warden!”

“Silence! All of you!” a third called out. But it was far too late for that to stop anyone.

STOMP. STOMP. CLAP! STOMP. STOMP. CLAP!

It wasn’t just this hallway, either. As the beat grew stronger, George could hear humans from all over the prison adding to it. Rattling bars. Pounding walls. The Eglic were running everywhere, trying to stop it, completely ineffectual. Confused.

“What is this? WHAT IS THIS?”

George decided it was time to kick this up a notch. He was so glad he’d memorized the verses to this song.

“Buddy, you’re a boy, make a big noise, playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday…”

Several more voices from all directions, everyone who knew the words, sung out the next lines.

“You got MUD on your FACE, you BIG DISGRACE! Kicking your can all over the place!”

And every human voice shouted, loud enough to rock the prison:

“WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!”

CLAP! THUD, THUD, CLAP!

“WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!”

CLAP! THUD, THUD, CLAP!

 “Get the riot gear!” someone called.

The door to George’s cell flew open. “Here’s the one who started it!” Two guards dragged him out of the cell as he started the second verse.

“Buddy, you’re a young man, hard man, shouting in the street, gonna take on the world some d-Agh!”

A guard slapped him in the face… but silencing him didn’t stop anything. Others took up the verse.

“You got BLOOD on your FACE, you BIG DISGRACE! Waving your banner all over the place! Sing it!”

“WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!”

George laughed out loud as the guards forced him ahead of them at spear point.

“WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!”

It didn’t matter. He wasn’t alone here.

“WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!”

CLAP! THUD, THUD, CLAP!

“WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!”

CLAP! THUD, THUD, CLAP!

____________________________________________________

Eglic High Command: May your days be long!

A situation has arisen at the prison on Zedlum-7F. Nineteen cycles ago, a Humin captive from their Zedlum-8B colony began an ancient Humin war cry during the rest period for the guards normally stationed in his area. The substitutes reacted quickly, but the war cry was continued by nearly every Humin in the facility. Standard protocol for prison riots dictates seizing and punishing the ringleaders via nonlethal injections, but the instigator, Humin Jorj, seems unrepentant. The riot lasted fifteen minutes before it could be quieted.

Every two days or so, the Humins riot again with different chants. Some speak of nonsense, such as igniting rainfall. Others speak of places presumably on their home world, such as a “why emcee ay”. Different Humins instigate these riots every day, and not all Humins participate in any given riot. We cannot find a pattern.

All guards and nonhuman inmates are showing signs of anxiety. These riots seem to quiet themselves after a few minutes, but if action is not taken, they may escalate. Please advise.

Jervod Agnil

Warden of Prison 279 on Zedlum-7F

____________

I actually have to thank you for the new policy on uncredited stories. It gave me the chance to rewrite this. I like the rewrite better.

I imagine that someday, after whatever problems the Eglic and Humanity have are sorted out, the Eglic will ask about the Human battle cry. The Humans will have no idea what they are talking about until an Eglic starts the stomp-clap thing, and then all the Humans in the room will join in, totally freaking out the Eglic.

I don’t have a Tumblr, just this: http://drama586.deviantart.com/

[butterfliesonthewall]

[butterfliesonthewall]

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

[butterfliesonthewall]

A cute goat sent you a message.

[butterfliesonthewall]

i needed to read this today so im sharing it to all of you!!

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The Curse of Blackmoor Manor

[Part 1 of 3]

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oh… it really *is* as hard as it looks. guess i’m not finishing HAU tonight!

[butterfliesonthewall]

this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone