ceolocunt

[ceolocunt]

#I dont even know anymore im just tired of the cycle

[ceolocunt]

real

[ceolocunt]

#idk idkndik idk idk idk idk it’s not an obligation but #the dnd group fuckjng. said happy birthday to someone else in the group who 1) wasn’t around as long as I was and 2) moved before we fell #apart #and like #they’d ddidnt say Jack shit to me #they didn’t say anything #they saw my fuckjng story later in the day too and said nothing #it just kinda hurts #I feel like people don’t put effort into me because I’ll be fine with it or whatever #or maybe they just don’t care as much. idk #it all fits into my insanity (inferiority complex)(fear of being replaced/replaceable) #many such cases

[ceolocunt]

#idk what’s up today was fine and now I’m just. desolate #GL is having a hard time as per usual and that’s not helping #idk I’m just #I’m so tired. I’m so tired and tired and sad and tired #lobotomy isn’t enough I need to be taken out back and shot

[ceolocunt]

fixed it‼️

[ceolocunt]

#I’m going to be sick!!!! my ex has a new boy and I’m still fucking. stuck in the past #I’m going to do something drastic. I’m going to go insane #it’s not fair <- nothing is fair #i think there’s just something so wrong with me. am #am I just that unlikeable and unlovable #all of my romantic relationships have made me feel replaceable and unimportant #even the one I’m actively in #I don’t know what to do anymore I kinda just want to be found dead

[ceolocunt]

#the actual literal horrors

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#trying not to cry real bad #I’m doing course selection for next year and it’s going to suck so bad #it’s going to be so bad dude #I don’t want to do school I don’t #I’m so overwhelmed and Im so far away it’s only going to get worse

[ceolocunt]

pipe bomb in the mail tonight queen?

#thinking about my ex again. desolate #I genuinely dont think hes a bad guy #but at the same time it baffles me how horrible of a person he can be and how fucking inconsiderate he is #jfc #I hope he never gets a new partner or a new job and he rots in his shitty apartment and his mental health gets worse #and that no one can be bothered to make the journey to see him and spend time with him in person because sorry!! theyre too depressed too : #.sorry thats toxic of me #but at the same time. have a taste of your own medicine asshole

[ceolocunt]

if you're cold he's cold

[ceolocunt]

#ok chat how do I respond to my sisters vent #I fuckign hate it here what do I even. what does one even say #like #damn that sucks? #that’s a horrible response 💀 girl I’m trying not to kill myself j do not have the mental energy for your 25 year old ass!!!

[ceolocunt]

#maybe getting drunk and watching the trumanshow wasnt a good idea #im having fun but I can also feel the paranoia and derealization and also possibly mania slipping in #um anyway yeah ive been thinking about stuff a lot and just. oh #oh ok #I dont know im going insane im going insane in the membrane and I need to be put down like a lame horse #gl posting

[ceolocunt]

#“omg haha I lost so much weight I didn’t even notice #genuinely kill yourself #I’m so sick of it I’m so sick of my body I’m so sick of hearing other people talk about it constantly #it was in good faith but one of my classmates looked at my lunch today and was like “woah that’s a huge portion #and it really wasn’t? but it made me want to kill myself infront of her?? as if I don’t want to do that enough #I’m too depressed to go to the gym and I don’t have the shoes for it anyway #I just saw an ex friend and he’s. lost a lot of weight and gotten more muscle and it’s like oh #because not only did I lose his friendship but he was like . a bit of a beacon of “you can be a fat transmasc and still be happy #I know he’s not happy but like. hm. idk #no one looks like me and is happy #no one can be normal about food or healthy eating habits and it’s just. so blatant how ingrained in society it all is #I don’t want to go out and eat I don’t want to stay in and binge I don’t want to get drunk but I don’t want to stay sober #I kinda just want to die and thats the only good outcome I can see from this #I don’t have the energy to try and lose weight because I HAVS been trying and nothings worked #I’m just like this and nothing makes me feel worse #it just. sucks. I read all these fuckingb papers and accounts of how people get treated noticeably better when they lose weight #and I know that would happen to me. I know it. and I want it so bad but I just #it feels unattainable #stability and happiness and love and whatever else I want feels unattainable #call me cquackity the way I’m a walking second place medal

[ceolocunt]

PRACTICE URGE SURFING

#literally opening a bottle of sake rn oops

[ceolocunt]

They should invent a sister I can stand

#I’m actually going to cry #god forbid my first 12 fuckjng hours in my dorm be ok and normal and bareable #I’m so.

[ceolocunt]

I hate having obscure triggers. What that fuck do you mean a food disposal in a sink makes me freak out bitch I’ll kill you

#the sound of it #normalest guy

[ceolocunt]

I be putting myself into situations and then getting upset about being in the situation

#I don’t wanna see my ex lmao #I don’t wanna reply to messages or emails or anything I just want to go to bed and never talk to anyone again