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my parents aren’t teaching me life lessons.

#i need some adults to TEACH ME SHIT ABOUT LIFE

#happy birthday to me #I think I'm an adult now

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#happy birthday to me

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🍁🍂✨🍁🍂✨🍁🍂✨ Happy September 1st! 🍁🍂✨🍁🍂✨🍁🍂✨

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*teacher voice* tonight’s homework is to get laid

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hopeless romantic with trust issues and a sex drive out the roof

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after some soul searching (jerking off) i have found that everything will be ok!

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he’s so real for this

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Mayo date? 😳♥️

#Twitter #mayo date #lmao #mayo

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girl makes extremely average scrambled eggs

authorities on the scene say she used garlic, onions, peppers, and green onion.

"it's an extremely standard dish, nothing noteworthy about it"

the girl could not be reached for comment.

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Living like an ant in a microwave

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“Good conversation turns me on. A connection between two people, a mental one first.”

— Brian Molko

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The concept behind screensavers is:

If you don't touch your computer for long enough, it will start showing you the most beautiful pictures and images, you've ever seen

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endless curses…  malediction even

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(first date going well voice) oh my god i LOVE portable document format!