cxparadisi

[cxparadisi]

"irreversible side effects of HRT" all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second in time

#this is also true of phalloplasty

[cxparadisi]

victim complex cancelled i can jack off now and i think thats pretty cool. piss standing up too. and of course, be uncomfortable in shorts

[cxparadisi]

saw the "my top surgery went well" "awesome my bottom surgery is next week" meme with two transmasc characters and the artist had EDITED THE SECOND ONE TO SAY "MY TOP SURGERY WENT WELL TOO". does the injustice never end

#every day im like hmmm my victim complex over this is exaggerated. and im sure it is to a degree #but like man what the hell.

[cxparadisi]

honestly what kills you as a seeking-/post-bottom surgery trans in the online transmasc community isn't even the open disgust people have for your body or how quick they are to spread misinformation bc mysteriously their trans sex positivity only applies to transition they personally want/are attracted to. like yeah that stuff hurts, the fact that every couple months a post about how it's TOTALLY FINE to be grossed out by my body and assuring trans guys NOBODY wants to look like me gets 10k notes sucks, but that's actually a minority of the problem. the killer is that disgust towards bottom surgery is SO normalized that, in general, people just assume that no post-op people exist in transmasc spaces, if they think about them at all. you're just left out of everything by default.

jokes? sorry, every transmasc joke assumes you have a boypussy and menstruate and the only surgery you've ever had is top surgery and if bottom surgery does crop up it's a joke about how you'd never get it. sucks to suck! fictional representation? no post-op characters exist and in fact any characters that mention their junk specify that they're non-op just in case you were worried about that. sucks to suck! fictional character headcanons? i mean, sometimes you could imagine that the shapeshifting characters might change genitals...? the medieval fantasy characters DO get top surgery scars though, so really it's just an excuse not to have to think about how gross bottom surgery is even if you acknowledge the desire to swap your junk. sucks to suck! positivity posts? nope, even ones specific to surgery don't bother to acknowledge anything below the waist. sucks to suck! discussions of transmasc sexuality? hahahahaha yeah no, those are even more inaccessible to anyone without a boycunt. sucks to suck! discourse about obstacles to transmasc transition? nope, again, that just removes the possibility that people could care about you since not mentioning you in this context means they definitely just aren't thinking about it at all. sucks to suck! discourse specifically about bottom surgery? congrats, people acknowlege you...... as a 3rd party who can't possibly be present and definitely fits into the .01 x .01 inch box they have in their heads of the Cis-Passing Binary Transsexual Male who only wants to get bottom surgery to lick cis boots, and "discourse" is kind of a misnomer because in reality what that means is "discourse about how gross it is that people think me, a trans man, might have gotten bottom surgery". sucks to suck!

naturally i need to add a million disclaimers about how i don't think transmascs who don't want bottom surgery are any less trans than i am(true) or that transmascs who don't get bottom surgery face as much transphobia as i do (so true bestie) and i'm saying this as a reflection of my own personal experiences even though i'm sure you personally have nothing against us genital-mutilators. that same grace has never once been extended to me though so i will be cranky about it.

#transmasc #phalloplasty #metoidioplasty #u might say im just a bitter hater. astute observation indeed i am #if it helps i can be your angle or your devil and the quickest way to get me to shut up abt this #is to draw fictional characters with phallo scars sometimes #thats it. you dont even have to care abt the high cost and legal barriers to our transitions #or help debunk misinformation abt our ability to have sex and counter fearmongering against scarring and EDs #just put a little rectangle on that fictional mans arm/thigh. it doesnt even have to be in the right spot.

[cxparadisi]

#phalloplasty #bottom surgery #trans surgery #transmasc

[cxparadisi]

the amount of people who insist that theyre trans sex positive while simultaneously being openly disgusted by bottom surgery or literally saying postop people cant fuck is INSANE. there are like eight incredibly popular posts on here that are like "society constantly tells us bottom surgery is great[NOT TRUE] but remember that its okay to be disgusted by bottom surgery and actually loving your natal genitals is the most trans thing you can do <3 <3" and then they're like Nobody tells trans people this about phalloplasty [link to catholic blogger]. i feel like theres an entire community of ppl whose takeaway from transmedicalism wasnt "forcing trans ppl to imitate cis people to try and impress cis transphobes is transphobic" but instead "actually my disgust of surgery isnt informed by living in a transphobic and ableist society its proof that im The Real Progressive" so now we have transmascs who are simultaneously viscerally disgusted by phalloplasty and also convinced that this is a radical counterculture stance instead of something they and the people trying to outlaw gcs can agree on. and like i want to be understanding of peoples preferences but also while theres nothing wrong with not personally finding phallo dicks attractive i dont think you can call yourself trans sex/body positive if you find medical transition disgusting and if the only reason you find transmasc people attractive is the promise of a boypussy and you refuse to understand thats a subsection of transmasc people and not universal then youre just transphobic

this. and also the notion that phallo dicks and natal dicks can even be so clearly delineated

[cxparadisi]

going to the crane center in SF. ik you also had urethral complications so do you know someone with better results?

not sure if ur from the bay area/surrounding area but a lot of crane center people (as well as norcal kaiser) who have urethral issues go to Dr Chen for urological repair

if ur from the east coast there’s a doctor out in NY (i think) who doesn’t do phallo BUT does a lot of phallo UL repair. i don’t remember his name tho im sure someone will comment with it

[cxparadisi]

This will sound like a joke but I’m serious. My first introduction to postmodern queer theory was stumbling on a televised talent show as a pre-teen and watching this woman smash soda cans with her breasts. When the judges asked her a predictable question, if I recall correctly, she answered: “they’re fake but they’re real.” I knew what she meant. She’d had implants, sure, but she wasn’t just wearing a prop she could put on or take off. She wasn’t trying for verisimilitude—her breasts were real simply because they were hers. Ever since I’ve been fascinated by the possibility of something being real and fake at the same time, and the truth that these aren’t static or mutually exclusive categories. I think of all the people who have doubted the authenticity of my faggy mannerisms, accusing me of putting on an act instead of being myself. I feel so much pressure to say that this is just who I naturally am, but this is only half the truth. I do like being feminine, I do like being over the top, I do like being tacky in the most delightful ways, and sometimes I emphasize these parts of me just because I can. We can choose who we want to be and still be real. Anyway as I typed this I looked up the video and found that during that woman’s performance Dynamite by Taio Cruz was playing so good for her.

[cxparadisi]

are you planning to get the ED periodically replaced for the rest of your life or are there gonna be periods where you just let it not be working/have it removed eventually? also generally do you have any thoughts on being post-phallo when you're an old person?

Yep figure every decade more or less I’ll have it switched.

Sounds pretty cool haha I’ll have the (third) leg up since mine is manual and i won’t need a little blue pill 😈

Team transsexual wins again

#hot transsexual senior citizens in your area

[cxparadisi]

I don’t care why someone is seeking phalloplasty, regardless of gender. I think if u want a penis you should be able to get a penis.

[cxparadisi]

Hey! Don't know if you've done something like this before but I was wondering if you could make a list of things you wish you had known before phallo/things you realized along the way that would have made your experience easier?

I post my personal stuff in the “my penis diaries 💕” tag if you’d like to see.

Things I wish I had known - the split thickness graft was the most painful for the first few days then a persistent itch for the first week n a half.

If u have daily medication you have to take, bring extra in ur bag to the hospital just in case the staff mess up.

Rapid release Tylenol, bidet, bathrobe, heating pad are all super helpful.

If you “follow” the scar massage “instructions” and do it “regularly” it actually “helps” (I’m being facetious it does help)

Ask for help & support often. Community support >>>>>>

Figure out how YOU like to recover best & go with it

Have fun with it. Make jokes.

Do weed have gay sex be urself and have fun

[cxparadisi]

what are comfortable positions to sleep/sit in during the phallo recovery process? seems obvious you cant be facedown for awhile but is your ability to comfortably lie on your back/side or sit up impacted?

Get a wedge pillow for your back, another one for under ur knees, and if u got RFF something for under ur arm.

Think of sitting in a lawn chair. That’s kinda the position. Can’t really lay on your side for several weeks

#phalloplasty

[cxparadisi]

do you have any tips for fighting insurance companies on covering phallo? mine's pulling the ol "this surgery center that clearly states on their website that they are in network for my insurance and the surgeons have said that my insurance should cover this surgery, but this place is actually out of network sowwy :(" trick. is it just a matter of persistence? im just kinda worried im gonna wake up in the hospital to an email telling me that sadly there was a paperwork mistake and it's all out of pocket now

Yes I had to do that for UnitedHealthCare. They claimed 9 months post op my surgeon was not in network despite 1) granting an out-of network exception & 2) signing a single case agreement contract with payment agreement 6 weeks PRIOR to surgery.

Here’s the process:

1) Submit a formal grievance to Insurance Company. Write something like "denial is in violation of plan benefits”. Include the following:

i) Any pre-authorization approvals received from Insurance. Especially anything that states "this will be billed at the in-network rates" or "exception is granted", anything like that.

ii)(if applicable) The signed single case agreement that the Surgeons office has on file which establishes a formal contract agreed to by Insurance & the surgeons office for payment

2) Keep a record of the grievance submission. If I remember correctly, there's a submission confirmation page that can be printed once the grievance is filled with Insurance

3) This will likely be denied by Insurance, but you'll receive an official denial from insurance. Keep the denial letter, it will have information about the next step.

4) Submit a grievance to the state department in charge of overseeing your insurance plans denials. May be called "requesting an Independent Medical Review". The specific state department responsible should be listed in the denial letter. Include the following:

a) Pre-Authorization Approvals from Insurance

b) (if applicable) Signed Single Case Agreement between Insurance & the Surgeons office

c) Record of grievance submission

d) Official denial letter

*I highlighted the parts of the letters that said "we agree to cover this surgery", "this will be billed at in-network rates", etc.*

5) Wait for the state to get back to you. The department should find Insurance in violation of their agreement and overturn their denial.

If this happened to you with UnitedHealthcare especially if you Went to the Buncke clinic feel free to DM me. I’m 2/2 winning against UHC @ the state level.

[cxparadisi]

(I'm not asking anonymously because I know I won't see it otherwise lmao)

I don't know if you've already answered this, but how long did recovery take? What was that like? What sort of things did you end up needing that you didn't necessarily think of beforehand?

Recovery Time:

Recovery for my initial surgery for phallo, scrotoplasty, UL, glansplasty & no vnectomy was 9-12 weeks. I started gently rock climbing around 9.5/10 weeks post op. Recovery from my fistula repair & glansplasty revision was like 2-4 weeks.

Recovery:

For the initial surgery, it was surprisingly easier than expected. First 5 days were in the hospital and the most pain I felt was actually in my split thickness graft on my leg & a bit in my donor site arm. I guess I was expecting my genitals to be more painful but no sensation yet directly post op. Also I didn’t get a vnectomy but I heard those can (not always) be painful. Getting the “cast” thing taken off my donor arm was pretty painful (8) but the rest of my hospital stay was surprisingly painless (2-4). It was a weird 5 days cuz the hospital forgot to give me one of my medications and so I had insomnia the last couple days. I don’t function well without sleep so it was rough! I was very emotional and the last day or two I cried a lot but mostly in relief & sadness.

Relief because I was sooooooo much more comfortable with my body knowing that I didn’t have to have genitals that made me uncomfortable every again & sadness cuz I told myself for years I didn’t need/deserve phallo cuz I’m not a (trans) man and non-binary ppl weren’t transitioning as publicly when I first started wanting to go on HRT & get phallo.

Also I was freaked out about my size cuz my dick was all scrunched up from propping & being brand new. But one of the surgeons came and talked me down. They said it would lengthen out over time with gravity & softening of scar tissue and they were right! I was like 3.5” in the hospital & im 5” now.

Once I was discharged feom the hospital my pain was pretty much 0 for several weeks. My friend & I forgot to pick up the narcotics from the pharmacy but didn’t end up needing them. Around the two week mark, my suprapubic (SP) catheter got infected (common) & I started having these painful bladder spasms when I peed. It felt like a shuddering of the bladder & I would feel the need to pee even when nothing would come out. That was like a 4 painwise & lasted about 2 weeks until the catheter was removed. Also the bladder spasm medication that I was provided made me feel sicker. For my upcoming surgery, I’m planning on taking Tylenol early for weeks 2-4 post op while I have a catheter in to try and mitigate this. I found Tylenol + a heating pad helped with the catheter pain.

Once the catheter was out I was literally a normal person again and after that (4 weeks post op) I was back to 0 pain. Around 8 weeks I think I went to an event & over-extended my wrist which caused a painful blister (2-4) that lasted for a week or two but the surgeons weren’t concerned. It resolved itself.

By about 9-10 weeks post op i felt good & started resuming activities! I was having sex by the 6 weeks mark with my new bf @ the time (my current bf!) and that was really fun!

The fistula repair was maybe 1-2 for the first couple days then 4 for the bladder infection from the catheter from weeks 2-4. Otherwise, it was 0.

Honestly the majority of the time the pain was 0. Out of the hospital the worst was around 4 & it was catheter related.

Recovery Supplies:

Hmmmm I ended up needing to order extra nitrile gloves (good for wound care!), alcohol prep pads, gauze pads despite having ordered a sizeable amount pre op. OH AND A ROBE!!!!!!!

The other thing I’m glad I had anyway was an electric blanket & heating pad. Personally, I think the electric blanket was really helpful in promoting blood flow cuz warm = increased blood flow. I think it’s part of the reason my leg graft healed so well. That + the heating pad were helpful dealing with catheter pain.

@dissociatingdad feel free to ask any follow up questions!

[cxparadisi]

I saw you got tattooing, how did you go about getting that done. Did you just ask a typical tattoo artist?

No, I am going with an artist who’s fairly popular in the phallo scene - Shane Wallin

https://ftmtattoo.com/shane-wallin

There’s also a group in Eugene, OR, USA that is popular - Vargas Tattooing

https://www.valerievargas.com/

I had a friend in the SF/East Bay Area find a local guy though.

#phalloplasty #save

[cxparadisi]

Vincent Giarrano on Instagram