desistancejourney

[desistancejourney]

“im a girls girl” is the new “im an empath” in terms of it being a phrase you only hear from the absolute worst people you’ve ever met

#Prev #what gets me is if any girl dare deviate from this let's be real- #hyperfemme expectation of what a girls girl looks/acts like #guess she's a pick me or 'not like other girls' #at some point nlogs also went from being about women who put other women down for the sake of male attention #and instead became about mocking women who just have 'masc' hobbies or aren't comfortable with feminity in general #Absolutely yes very well put

[desistancejourney]

you disagreed w me in an intellectually honest way. we're friends now.

[desistancejourney]

I was thinking today and I felt like making a poll about this apologies if one has already been posted

Have you / Someone you know detransitioned?

Note: Doesn't necessarily have to be a medical detransition

I have not and I don't know anyone who has

I have not but I know someone who has

I have and I don't know anyone else who has

I have and I know someone else who has

Not Applicable / Clicky Button Vote

#I said I have and I don't know anyone else who has #But it wasn't a medical transition #And I mean I haven't met anyone in my irl life who had detransed or desisted obviously I know and follow people online

[desistancejourney]

Ok I don't know who this man is, but I kinda understand the attitude of "it's such a small percentage of the population, who cares what other people do with their bodies, it doesn't affect me and I barely even think about it , why go out of your way to be hateful?" Like there are probably things that I feel that way about and it's possible that I don't know what I don't know. Not all of us can be activists about everything all the time. I can almost guarantee you, though, that if this man had a real conversation with a trans activist who was deep in gender ideology (not just any trans person) he would be shocked and would find that he holds basic common sense beliefs that the activist would find incredibly bigoted. So I don't blame this guy or anyone who thinks similarly, like it totally make sense. But for those of us for whom, for whatever reason, gender ideology plays a big role in our daily lives, it's not something we can just ignore. We've seen things that this guy does not think is really happening. That's why the voices of detransitioners and desisters are so important. In 2024, "transgender" isn't a very small population of people transitioning in order to make their lives bearable or just another way of saying VERY gnc, which is what I think a lot of people who say stuff like that believe. It has become so, so much more than that and I think some people simply haven't seen that first hand and they just don't know. This actually gives me a little bit of hope, because if I come across someone who thinks like this, we can just not talk about it because it's not an important part of their life, or it'll be very easy to peak them because they don't know what TRAs really believe.

[desistancejourney]

#My god #The reaching is like #I mean that's just #For real?

[desistancejourney]

Look, I understand internalized misogyny, and hating on something for the sole reason that it's a "girly" thing and thus inferior is an obvious example of that, BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT this just feels like a real mask-off moment for something I've been saying for a long time, that any and all gender-non-conformity in women sets you up for an accusation of being a "not like other girls" misogynist and a "pick me", and when you hear that over and over and over, you realize that the only way to beat the accusation from these people is to say "but I'm not really a woman". And I know people are going to say that this creator is just saying that she realized that her own personal hatred of femininity when she was young stemmed from internalized misogyny, and that may be true, but the CONSTANT message that "if you are a woman who hates being forced to be feminine then you are a misogynist", it gets to you after a while. And if you asked this creator "do you think that every masculine woman hates other women and/or do you think that automatically makes her trans?" she would probably say no. But if she saw you she'd probably they/them you. Or she'd subconsciously think you're judging her for wearing make-up. Or she'd say "I can't really put my finger on it but she gives off terf vibes". (And I'm not picking on her specifically, I'm talking about a type of person who says this kind of stuff). There's no actual room for gender-non-conforming women.

#gender critical #detransition #radical feminists do interact #radical feminist #gender ideology #radfem #desisted #terfs do touch #terfblr #terfsafe

[desistancejourney]

My older brother is autistic (diagnosed from a young age, has significant learning disabilities). For context, I am also likely autistic (not diagnosed so I can't say for sure but it's genetic and I fit a lot of the criteria, does affect my life but not as obviously as it does for him). I can't really talk about it too much, and when I even try to think about it, it's like I can hear this SCREAMING in my body and I feel like I can't brethe as if it's trying to tell me "don't do this to yourself, we're trying to protect you, leave it alone". My memories are kind of scattered and I don't want to put it together. But I know my brother did something to me, and I suspect my parents protected him because he "didn't know any better". I can understand why people wouldn't believe me, but sometimes you just know. He also talked about liking young girls that he knew, like they were 12-14 and he was in his 20s, and my parents would either laugh it off or say something like "don't say that she's too young for you" and then move on and not really acknowledge it. I don't know if anything ever happened with anyone else, if it did they didn't tell me and I've been no contact with all my family for about 5 years so I really can't say. I'm not saying that autism is what caused him to be like this, but it definitely caused people to infantilize him and laugh it off when it otherwise would be taken more seriously. This is a real thing with real victims.

The average boy is already coddled and justified constantly for bad behaviour,now imagine an autistic one...

Anyone should be taught boundaries,neurodivergent or not.

They do and can understand the word NO.

#tw sa #tw sex assault #This was a bit of an overshare so I'm sorry

[desistancejourney]

i cant stand tiktok

okay? we still know we’re women

no we’re actually not “trans masc” and insinuating a gender non conforming person is “trans” is homophobic & plays into sexist gender roles! hope this helps

#Real mask off moment here

[desistancejourney]

[desistancejourney]

I totally get your point, and I agree that they are conflating misogyny and not wanting to conform to gender stereotypes with being trans which is obviously fucked up. But I think where radfems lose people (like me many years ago when I identified as trans) is the insistence that "almost all women feel this way" when most of the women I encounter don't feel that way nearly to the same extent that I do. So many things can contribute to these feelings that aren't transness and not falling into gender stereotypes doesn't make you not your gender, but saying that almost every woman has absolutely hated being a woman and wished they were a man is simply not the case, and it's easy for people to see radfems/"TERFS" saying that and go "they seem like they're full of shit and are lying because they hate trans people". I think that we as women are more alike than we realize and we all have to deal with patriarchy/misogyny and solidarity is important and needed, but going up to women who identify as trans/non-binary and going "everyone feels that way, you're not special" is not only ineffective but is also just not true.

this is so fucking funny to read. no, this feeling is not “often” because person is trans. This feeling is just girls realising that they are living in a patriarchal society and are trying to fight back. Telling women that they are trans just because they are feeling what almost all women have felt (again, because of the patriarchy) is SO f*cked up

[desistancejourney]

i read that autistic people are more likely to identify as trans, and they say it's because we are more likely to question and defy social constructs, but gender IS a social construct and trans people are not "defying" it. the real reason we are more likely to identify as trans is because we find it harder to relate to peers and feel discomfort in our bodies when exposed to uncomfortable stimuli, and frankly yea we are more likely to bend gender rules because we are more likely not to care, but in our society this is punished and we're left wondering what was so wrong, never getting a real answer. especially for girls who are more likely to not get diagnoses fast, it feels tough to not know what's "wrong" with us. being trans feels like it encompasses all our problems. at least, that's what i've observed/experienced.

#Spot on

[desistancejourney]

[desistancejourney]

gender believers: "nooo, trans identity is not about stereotypes, in fact, stereotypes and trans identity have nothing to do with each other, nobody thinks they're trans because they're gender non-conforming, where do you get that from??"

gender believers in the next moment:

funnily enough, by that metric I'm also transmasc, because today i wore men's deodorant (outrageous, I know) and just this weekend I got a ton of men's shirts, hoodies and jackets

#I'm so tired

[desistancejourney]

‘I was never really a girl because I had short hair!!’

#Also this #Yes exactly

[desistancejourney]

‘I was never really a girl because I had short hair!!’

#I understand that to someone with genuine gender dysphoria that this seems like a silly little joke #They know that they're pain goes much deeper than “short hair” it's just kind of funny #And they couldn't imagine anyone taking this seriously and like actually transitioning because of something like this #But they don't realize that it adds up #And that gender stereotypes constantly being shoved down your throat makes you wonder what other options you have when you don't fit them #It is that deep and it's hurting people and they refuse to see it

[desistancejourney]

^^^ That's very true, a lot of the people criticizing Days of Girlhood are not the same people making "bimbo feminism" content. But I will acknowledge that I have seen a lot of people who, even though they wouldn't say "I'm just a girl" type stuff themselves, are much more vocal about Dylan's song than they ever were about "bimbo feminism". Like, Days of Girlhood is getting a lot more backlash than those things ever did, we can't be over here denying that, it's obvious. I mean, maybe it's not obvious if you're in a radfem bubble, but to everyone else, that's very clear. So to be fair to op, there is a "double standard". I wouldn't call it that, but they're describing something real that's happening. The thing is, though, that the misogyny of "bimbo feminism" and "Days of Girlhood" hits differently when coming from a trans woman. It just does. I know a lot of people have said some really nasty things about Dylan, so let's be the most generous possible to her that we can be. She's a trans woman, she experiences gender dysphoria, she's trying to find her place in the world as someone now perceived as a woman, she's a naturally feminine person and is now more comfortable expressing that. All good, fine things, I hope she's happier now. But Dylan is someone who has lived the majority of her life as a man. When she learned the stereotypes about what it means to be female, she was a man. Her dysphoria not withstanding, her song (and a lot of her other content) is extremely recognizable as a caricature of what a man thinks a woman is. I think a lot of these women who were quiet on bimbo feminism but are now saying things like "I don't want to be transphobic about it, but this song is really misogynistic and terrible" can sense the ick, because it feels like a man making fun of them. Dylan didn't invent misogyny, and it may be her genuinely trying her best to be "one of the girls" and just failing miserably to read the room, but what she's doing is insulting no matter the intention, and we can sense it. Yeah, bimbo feminism is annoying, I hate it, but sometimes it is just a girl being silly or needlessly gendering something that everyone does. It's not the same as when men see us as less than human, and that's what Days of Girlhood feels like.

Years of bearing bimbo feminism and "girl math" and "girl dinner" and "I can't do anything, I'm just a girl" but the fucking second a trans woman makes a Girls Just Wanna Have Fun-style song cis women lose their fucking minds and start screaming that womanhood is under attack.

Aren't they at least a little bit embarrassed of having such an obvious double standard, for fuck's sake.

[desistancejourney]

I watched this tiktok where this self-identified butch lesbian was saying how it was insulting and annoying when people would try to "girlypop" masc lesbians and basically how it sucked that people try to water down lesbian's masculinity and I was like "oh hell yeah!" and I went onto the profile and it said "he/they" and the most recent tiktok was how people "misgender them by calling them a girl" and how they were taking testosterone and I just... I'm so tired. I'm so, so tired.

#gender critical #radical feminists do interact #radical feminist #gender ideology #terfs do touch #terfblr #terfsafe