dianight

[dianight]

💜 | Pepa

#bringing this one back #since today I dreamed of wearing this dress

[dianight]

Link ~~~

#to aru majutsu no index #misaki shokuhou #<3

[dianight]

Day 59: I can't believe it took me 9 wednesdays to think of doing this

[dianight]

Nagisa's internalized homophobia...

[dianight]

happy sleepy bitch saturday

[dianight]

broke: t*ylor sw*ft

WOKE: THIRD INTERNATIONAL THEORY ITALO-DISCO

[dianight]

KIZARU by mazaochizao@mazaochizao

#one piece

[dianight]

Yeah she killed 6 people and what?

God forbid women have hobbies

#dungeon meshi #falin

[dianight]

#limbus company

[dianight]

#library of ruina

[dianight]

Asking for advice, which I realize now I should have done at a more reasonable hour:

So I'm talking to my endo this week and there's a high change I can finally get free(!) HRT (<- we remain optimistic).

I'm putting together a list of questions since ideally I won't need another appointment until sometime at the end of the year and let's just say that mistakes can and do happen.

They are like, specific to the area I'm in. Related to the pharmacies I can go to, how do I get my refills, what to do when I move(!), etcetera. From what I've been told and seen it works differently depending on what province you're at, so just to have a solid grasp on what I'll be dealing with the next months.

The thing is, what other questions could I ask? What can I possibly need to know? I'd appreciate any pointers since I can't come up with anything else myself.

#dia talks

[dianight]

柊うてな(20240426)

#mahou shoujo ni akogarete

[dianight]

Anyway women who like their dicks are amazing.

#dia talks

[dianight]

Stellar Blade looks so... wet(?).

#dia talks #not hating yet #it might be fun or whatever

[dianight]

A girl has not felt loved in years. She never gets told that she's a pretty girl. She doesn't get called a girl. Her parents don't call her daughter. She never smiles and doesn't take care of her hair anymore. She stopped taking showers every day. She has acne and stubble. She doesn't shave, she can't stand looking at herself in the mirror. She was told that "fat is hot" until she gained more weight. People look at her weird. She feels like nobody wants her. She doesn't want anyone to look at her. She feels alone. People avoid her. She feels like she can't vent to others anymore because it's all she can think about. She wants to be loved

A girl doesn't talk anymore. She's distant and insecure. She bottles up her feelings. People reach out to her to try and help, but don't know how to help. She isolates herself, she's scared. She knows that nobody will put in the time and effort to be there for her. Nobody says good morning to her. She stopped asking for help. She doesn't laugh anymore. She feels like she's worthless. She's told that this isn't true, but notices that people only care about her when she's feeling suicidal. She feels like a burden. She can't think a week ahead because she is terrified of the future. She doesn't know if she'll make it to the end of the year. She wants to be loved

A girl doesn't express her opinions anymore. People think she's a dangerous freak, that she is disgusting, gross and filthy. She feels that weight. She cries most of the day, most days. She stopped brushing her teeth. She feels disposable. She only feels useful when she's validated. People will toss her aside as soon as they get a good excuse to do it. She feels like a sacrificial lamb. They keep her at arm's length. She knows that she's judged silently. She feels like people would feel more comfortable if she wasn't there. She's trying to keep going. Her eyes hurt. She's loud. People think she is annoying. She's tired. She wants to be loved

I see u. I love u

You're a pretty girl. What you say matters. How you feel matters. It's ok to be angry and afraid. It's unfair that others don't notice and don't care. Keep being loud, keep being yourself. It's not too late. You matter

[dianight]

it sucks being asexual and problematic like im sorry im not having sex with my sister im just dreaming of her coming home from work; tired and in an awful mood and when i inevitably piss her off by saying something stupid. she'll slam my head against the wall, and then crouch down over me telling me yo apologize but before i can even catch my breath punch my gut repeatedly until i cough up blood, and then grab my kids safety scissors off the table so that she can cut her name into my forearm so that everyone knows who i belong to. but whatever i dont really enjoy thinking about sex so its whatever

[dianight]

The last few times I didn't brush my teeth were those where I was so sick I just couldn't.

I used to get really bad colds like twice a year, at the start of both summer and winter. Might have been the temperature changes, might have been something else. It doesn't happen to me anymore but it was a regular thing for several years.

I'd get a bit feverish, lots of snot, coughing and such at first. And after a couple days it'd get much worse. I remember once I spent two entire days(?) delirious in bed, only getting up to get water once (that I even remember). Worst part was dreaming while awake, because I was experiencing all the shit I was dreaming while I knew I wasn't asleep. Knowing made it much worse. Eventually I made it to the kitchen for water, had some breakfast ve~~ry slowly as I was still semidisabled and then while eating I had some sort of flashback to one time when I was like 15 or 16 and went drinking with friends. I remember getting home extremely drunk, staring at my bed about to just drop face first into it and thinking "I should brush my teeth because if I lay down I'll pass out immediately".

So every time since, whether I'm tired or have things to do or whatever other excuse I come up with I'd always brush my teeth before bed. If I can do it while barely concious and completely shitfaced then I can do it every other time.

#dia talks #I sometimes miss being able to get drunk though