diehaerd-blog

[diehaerd-blog]

Keanu Reeves God

The Lord’s Prayer :

Our Father ReevesWho Art In HeavenHallowed Be Thy NameThy Kingdom ComeThy Will Be DoneOn Earth As It Is In The Matrix …

#* // FILE : KEEPSAKES ! #wightwulf #iM DYING

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for @geminikiss 

#* // FILE : TUNES ! #* // FILE : QUEUE !

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‘ you’re just a coward who doesn’t want to admit they’re a furry. ’

        ❛    I just love Zootopia and you’ll never take that from me !    ❜        He shouts upwards towards Dr. Drakken from his unfortunate .. hanging-place. This is nothing like Die Hard. He’s not being epic enough and he’s being accused of being a furry.

   ❛    When I get out of this, I’m gonna beat you like Judy beat that ram guy in Zootopia !    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #drahkn #iDK HOW THEY GOT HERE #OR WHY THEY ARE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION #BUT I AM LIVING FOR IT #i haven't even seen zootopia #but jake has dhfgsdf #* // FILE : QUEUE !

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#* // FILE : JAKE PERALTA ! #gdfsd i love him #* // FILE : CHEDDAR ! #* // FILE : QUEUE !

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#* // FILE : JAKE PERALTA ! #* // FILE : CHEDDAR ! #that's right #cheddar gets a tag #luv u cheddar #* // FILE : QUEUE !

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SHIT THE KP GROUP CHAT SAID

edits made for clarification / edit pronouns/names at your convenience

‘ you made your bed, now lie in it, bitch. ’

‘ monkeys are furry content. ’

‘ you’re just a coward who doesn’t want to admit they’re a furry. ’

‘ imagine answering a casting call for a gay dad and ending up playing a guy with a monkey fetish. ’

‘ don’t want him shitting on the dance floor. ’

‘ today’s villainy is cancelled, let’s go see hamilton. ’

‘ HOW CAN ONE DOG PRODUCE THIS MUCH SHIT?! ’

‘ VOTE [name] OR I’LL SHIT ON YOUR LAWN. ’

‘ i don’t know what’s going on and at this point i’m too scared to ask. ’

‘ AND [name] JUST STARTS SHITTING ALL OVER THE FLOOR TO ASSERT DOMINANCE. ’

‘ if you can’t handle the shit get out of the toilet. ’

‘ united we shit. ’

‘ you can’t rule the world with an unhealthy colon. ’

‘ SHIT WHERE YOU STAND. ’

‘ you spelt cute wrong but go off. ’

‘ STOP FUCKING EVERYTHING! ’

‘ what’s a safe word? ’

‘ [name] is the most valid. ’

‘ fuck [name] and not a monkey. ’

#* // FILE : PROMPTS ! #I LOVE THE KP SQUAD N OUR CHAT #IT'S ICONIC

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          ❛    OOH, SOMEONE’S IN TROUBLE ! IT’S ME.    ❜

     ind. & priv.  JAKE PERALTA  of brooklyn nine-nine.  low activity. (title of your sex tape)                                         cherished and headcanoned by bree.    *

#SRB. #help a sister out #luv me #thnk u xoxo

[diehaerd-blog]

b99 rewatch → 48 hours (1x07)

#* // FILE : JAKE PERALTA ! #* // FILE : AMY SANTIAGO ! #* // DYN : JAKE PERALTA & AMY SANTIAGO ! #i love them

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unlockedtm | Jill.

       ❛     i honestly don’t doubt i wouldn’t guess it.     ❜     JAKE PERALTA: no one can figure out what goes on in his mind just by looking at him. brows begin to furrow the minute he continues ; orbs scanning the BARREN file while he flips through more &. more of it                ——-        thumb nail being held between rows of teeth.         ❛     you think its a cover up ?     ❜    

     hand lowers so that she could rifle through the files herself &. YET there comes another pause        —-    brows flattening &. crown turning to stare at the officer with not a look of surprise , but sheer AWE. slenderman. the best he could come up with on the spot.         ❛     ……  OR they were wearing gloves.     ❜    

        ❛    Yeah yeah, or gloves .. but Slenderman is much more exciting !    ❜        Maybe he shouldn’t have stayed up so late the previous night watching video after video about the Cryptid. It was definitely getting in the way of work.        ❛    ..    But it has to be a cover-up. I just don’t --    ❜        He trails off, gaze flitting back towards the file. Suddenly, he tugs it toward him, finger slamming down on one of the pictures. 

        ❛    There !    ---    It was right there the whole time !    ❜        His finger is placed directly under a picture of an overturned table in the robbed apartment. Among the items that fell off the table was a family photo.        ❛    I recognize one of those guys from my time undercover. Yeah, that’s right. Undercover. No biggie.    ---    Anyway, mafia dude. I’m sure of it.    ---    Anthony Moretti. This was a cover. We couldn’t find any unusual prints because he broke into his own apartment !    ❜        His expression twists.        ❛    Why, Slenderman, why ? -- The Slender-people must have been doing something when this was called in.    ❜  

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #unlockedtm #he rly out here calling the mob #the slender-people #also i'm making this up as i go #so pls feel free to like add whatever u feelin

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worldsaver | Kim.

           ‘   city blood?   ’   don’t ask, possible. pushing that little colorful detail aside, she still leans in for a closer look.   ‘   I don’t know—it doesn’t have the same consistency. in fact….   ’   fingers delve into the pockets of her utility belt, and out she draws a thin metal plate and a knife, carefully scraping a sample of the substance at hand.   ‘   it looks like paint. there’s a gel consistency here—acrylic, maybe? what do you think; clue, or banksy?   ’   it’s rhetorical; everything worth looking at twice is a clue. and this seems particularly interesting.

        Jake watches as Kim reaches into her utility belt, quickly getting to work on scraping up the unknown substance. The detective can hardly contain his own excitement, as he almost immediately lets out a,    ❛    Gah, you’re like a tiny Batman !    ❜    before he can say anything else. He’s soon crouching to her level, however, gently taking the metal plate from her hands to get a closer look at it.        ❛    You’re right, it’s paint.    ❜ 

        He racks his brain for a moment, and then it hits him.        ❛    There was that free art class on twenty-seventh at the time of the robbery.    ---    Whoever did it is going to try to use that as their way out. The perp must’ve gone there to establish an alibi and then left early.    ❜        The detective stands, quickly pulling his phone out and looking up the art class’ website.    (  A-ha !  )

        ❛    There’s another one tonight. How much you wanna bet our guy is planning his next crime now ?    ❜        He looks to Kim, raising a brow.        ❛    You wanna .. Van Gogh to an art class, little sis ?    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #worldsaver #them going to the art class #n saying they're siblings #n also taking down a bad guy >)))))

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unlockedtm | Jill.

        ❛     ……  do i want to know what you’ve been doing for the past five days ? or is this the part where i just  …   make it all up in my mind because it’d be better for me that way ?     ❜    

        ❛    I’ll just say : you’re good, but you’ll never guess it.    ❜        He pauses for a moment, simply letting that response simmer a bit before he continues.        ❛    ---    Anyway .. all I got is that this probably isn’t a regular B&E. I think it was a cover for something bigger.    ❜ 

        Jake opens the case file, which consists of almost nothing except the pictures of the crime scene. He turns it to Jill can look it over, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth as he inspects it yet again.        ❛    Something feels .. icky. No prints, no traces of DNA that we can find. -- This looks like it’s too well done. Or by someone with no hair or fingerprints or anything like that.    ❜        A gasp.        ❛    Slenderman.    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #unlockedtm #i .. cannot believe ..

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drahkn | Dr. Drakken.

strange       look       is       given       to       the       detective       &       his       enthusiasm         .            he       reminded       him       of       his       arch  -  foes       sidekick         .             ❛    𝐍𝐎         ,         i       was       going       to       use       the       fire  -  escape         .   ❜             gloved       hand       raised       &       index       finger       pointed       toward       metallic       exit       mounted       ‘pon       structure         .

        ❛    Okay. Less cool.    ❜        A pause, then he raises his gun.        ❛    But I can’t let you do that !  ..  Hands in the air, evil Bill Nye !    ---    I know Kim Possible ! In fact, people around here call me ..    ❜        He thinks for a moment, realizing he doesn’t have a cool nickname like he claims.

        ❛    Jake Doable !  --  Wait .. that doesn’t sound good.    ---    ..    Whatever. -- I’m detective Jake Peralta, and you’re under arrest !    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #drahkn #how does jake like .. Exist

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@drahkn​ gets a starter ! 

        ❛    What are you doing up here ? Why are you on the roof ?    ---    Oh, my God. You're gonna zip-line off of this thing like an American ninja. That is such a cool escape plan !    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #drahkn #he rly never shuts up huh

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@flourush​ gets a starter  --  Wyn ! 

        ❛    That's how we do it in the Nine-Nine. Catch bad guys and look good doing it.    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #flourush / wynter rhymes. #flourush #dummi

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@unlockedtm​ gets a starter ! 

        ❛    We are very close, aside from a complete absence of evidence, suspects, or leads. So in conclusion, not at all close.    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #unlockedtm #jake.......... #icb .

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for anon

#* // FILE : TUNES !

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@worldsaver​ gets a starter !

        ❛    This is New York, so there's a very strong chance this is just ‘city blood.’    ❜

#* // VERSE : MAIN ! #worldsaver #DFGKSF JAKE #he right tho