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MY WEAKNESS IS MY STRENGTH

My weakness is my strength

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hey, if your trauma is caused by something that you did, rather than something that was done to you, or an unavoidable situation like a natural disaster, I love you and I see you. You are no less deserving of support. Your trauma is no less real. Be kind to yourself. <3 (love heart)

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what a beautiful mess 2 make

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being with someone that heals your inner child >>

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Here is my controversial mental health take of the day: your negative emotions are not the problem, its the way you handle them that becomes the problem. You being jealous that your friend hung out with someone else and didn't tell you, is actually not the problem. It's when you choose to get angry with them, yell & lash out, or passive aggressively do something they hate to get revenge, or when you ignore them and isolate and self harm, those are all harmful ways to cope with your feelings. Rather than react, take the time to validate yourself, because it's normal to feel jealous or left out and chances are that there are deeper abandonment wounds that are triggered here, probably from your childhood. Take a moment to pause before you react. Then try a direct and open communication to your friend instead. Because I guarantee you they'll respond so much better to you opening up a conversation with, "hey, I felt left out when you hung out with so-and-so without me, can we talk about that? And maybe hang out soon?" Rather than the now laborious and torturous emotional work of having to feel guilty for your rage when you lash out or get revenge. Splitting is normal, because who doesn't get pissed off at someone you're close with? Your switching emotions from highly affectionate to devaluation are not the problem. Everyone gets disgusted & hurt by someone they love at some point in our lives, especially small offenses, I guarantee you chances are that person isn't doing it on purpose and would gladly like to know how you feel, these emotions and conversations are normal and necessary for humans to have. But the inability to clearly and directly communicate your feelings and needs to that person when you are hurt is what makes it toxic. You can absolutely learn how to handle your reactions in a safer manner, how to identify when you're feeling hurt, and how to communicate and ask for clarity and resolution rather than react and escalate. Communication is the backbone of every relationship you will ever have. This is what the emotional work of most personality disorders looks like.

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ABUSERS ARE JUST REGULAR PEOPLE

a lot of the time, abusers are just regular people. abuse is something we're all capable of - it's a pattern of harmful behavior in which there's power imbalance. we all hold various privileges, connections, and knowledge that can be turned into the power to abuse others. we can all exert our will, thoughts, feelings, etc. onto others in a way that hurts them and takes power away from them.

abusive people have done something horrible and inexcusable, yet they aren't... inherently special. they're people, capable of choosing between right and wrong, capable of change, just as much as others are. i say this in part because i think a lot of people have this lofty idea of abusers that leads them to think they couldn't possibly be a victim of abuse. but abuse can be incredibly mundane - and this also means we all have to watch out for abusive behaviors in ourselves.

abuse isn't just something Obviously Bad People (TM) are capable of... and abuse isn't caused by mental illness, substance use/addiction, gender, etc. etc., even if these things impact what happens. idk. there's no real end point to this post. i just wish people didn't mystify abuse, and realized how (deeply unfortunately) normal and subtle it can be... and often is.

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i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

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it could have been INNOCENT

it could have been BEAUTIFUL

it could have been INTIMATE

it could have been EMPATHETIC

it could have been ALRIGHT

“It could’ve been worse.” It could’ve been BETTER. It could’e been EASIER. It could’ve been lovely. It could’ve been beautiful, it could’ve been fun. It could have been simple, it could’ve made you HAPPY. 

You can drown in two feet of water just as simply as you can in an ocean. Stop downplaying what happened and neglecting your feelings. Kill that idea with fire. Or at least acknowledge that what happened was bad without immediately trying to justify or dismiss it.

#trauma #st

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Idk I don’t think I have existed yet this year

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why do I have to clean up the damage done to me by another person?

it’s unfair how i have the responsibility to heal myself when i didn’t cause my wound in the first place

#trauma

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“but it wasn’t that bad”

did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasn’t that bad?

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You’re valid if you hate your abuser.

You’re valid if you love your abuser.

You’re valid if you miss your abuser.

You’re valid if you’re a mixture of some or all of the above.

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You don't need a reason to distance yourself from people. If they give you bad vibes then you deserve to honor that gut feeling and protect yourself. Even if they're not doing anything wrong or bad or even if they haven't done anything to you. You can just straight up not like someone, no context necessary. That's valid af and there's not enough emphasis on intuition and gut feelings. Yes, absolutely. Listen to your instincts.

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i never told ANYONE abt my SA traumas because they are definitely "not a big deal" to people usually and i could not TAKE somebody telling me it was "not that bad".

I just want to give a reminder that sometimes, we experience things that are normally seen as “okay” where nothing “abnormal” happened and they still traumatize us. And I want you to know that’s not a failing on your part. Your trauma is still valid.

Sometimes break ups can be traumatizing, even if no one wronged anyone.

Sometimes consensual sex can be traumatizing for many reasons and you may not even realize until later on.

Sometimes something traumatizes us and we don’t understand how or why.

While those things may be confusing, please don’t invalidate yourself. You don’t have to understand your trauma to validate it. Your trauma is real and valid, regardless of the circumstances that led to it.

#trauma #st

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"and chiefly trauma is never really about the intentions of any party who made or let it happen."

THANK YOU FOR THIS

ik people like to act like sex and imbalanced sexual dynamics are uniquely traumatizing (moreso than any other kind of power imbalance, abuse of power, or just flat out abuse period) but from personal experience not really. there's nothing inherent to sex and sexuality that makes it traumatizing. there's nothing inherent to sexual trauma that makes it more traumatic than any other trauma.

and chiefly trauma is never really about the intentions of any party who made or let it happen. someone who wants, intends, and tries to hurt you might bounce off you just like that; because they simply failed to psychologically damage you, because what they did didn't bother you a lot whether it be mental physical or sexual. conversely someone who does not want, intend, or try to hurt you may scar you for life with something either they don't understand is harmful or isn't even inherently harmful and is uniquely that way to you.

i just. i'm annoyed at the narrative of trauma being taken away from the survivor themself. if i say this was traumatizing and you think it's not a big deal, too fucking bad, listen to me. if i say that wasn't traumatizing at all and you think it's the worst thing in the world upon hearing what it is, too fucking bad, you don't get to tell me what my trauma is. i'm sick of seeing people put words in each others mouths and tell someone's story for them without that person's consent. idk like? it makes me so angry that whenever i used to talk about things people would blatantly disregard the most horrific times of my life and instead focus on stuff i was neutral or even positive toward as a big terrible thing that ruined me.

nowadays i'm very grateful to have people who are chill and don't jump to conclusions no one asked them to. people who listen when i tell them "i know this sounds bad but it wasn't actually" or "i know this sounds stupid but this was world shattering." people who i get to laugh with. the RIGHT people who extend me the same kindness of knowing their strange "good bad things" and "bad fine things."

life just isn't as simple as "this is always terrible for people" and "this is always fine for people." PEOPLE aren't a monolith. yes, even that thing that you think must be the worst thing possible. yes, even that thing that you think no one could possibly be hurt by. it's hard to involve myself in serious discussions about abuse because there is a very clear Narrative people want to follow and if you as a "victim" don't follow it then either it didn't happen or you're wrong about your own experience.

hopefully I can consult my therapist about this phenomenon in discussions of abuse and trauma. and also about the specific thing that made me think of this. it irritates me quite a lot when others pity me for something that i knowingly chose-- and in retrospect never hurt me either. like what are you fishing for. why are you looking at me like that. i'm fine, maybe you're the one that needs counseling if my talking about this creates such a visceral reaction in you.

#trauma #st

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After reading some Astarion takes, I can say with full certainty, that I would not trust some of you to not slutshame or insult SA victims for having sex

#sa victims are allowed to have kinky consensual sex as much as they want

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im soo happy for u im excited to when it will be fun for me again <33

I had a threesome tonight and it was quite funnnnnn they’re both very sweet and cute people and I liked talking with them a lot. It felt very emotionally safe and a caring vibe. wowowoow omg sex can be fun and lovely and not re-traumatizing !!!!!!!!