drearydaysanddarknights

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Also, Thought #4? Bullshit.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

I am okay. All is good. ☺

[drearydaysanddarknights]

I think I'm going to break up with her.

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I just want her back I just want her back I just want her back I just want her back I just want her back I just want her back I just want her back I just want her back.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Today was really good for me. I think being super comfortable with someone else, even if it is just physically, helps me get past the mentality that she was the end-all be-all of sexual things. And it certainly doesn't hurt that this someone else also feels fucked up by their last relationship.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Thought #17

Thinking back on it, sometimes I felt like I couldn't be me (at least sexually) around her. (This is not her fault, but maybe it's a sign that we weren't so perfect.)

[drearydaysanddarknights]

I was going to make a post about what hurts the most, which aspects of what happened make me feel the shittiest, but I can’t.

It’s bad enough as it is, putting it into actual, physical words makes it too real.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Thought #16

I hate that now, I think bad things about you sometimes. I wish I could go back to holding you in the highest regards.

#i guess this is what happens when someone breaks your heart

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Thinking about her with someone else - no, someone else with her, makes my heart hurt. It's an actual, physical sensation I can feel in my chest and my stomach. It makes me want to punch something and puke and cry.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Thought #15

I would do anything to get her back.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

I've been feeling a lot lately. I've been feeling like I wish I could take things back. I've been feeling like where I am right now is completely my fault. I've been feeling like I am a bad person and I am only going to hurt more people. I've been feeling like I want to get fucked up. I have been feeling tears come to my eyes, a frown appearing on my face, and a bitter, biting pain in my heart every time I talk to her. I've been feeling hopeless.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

I'm lying in bed and realizing that I miss her.

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Maybe I'll be okay. I hope she will too.

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I fucked up again. I fucked up again and did the wrong thing. And now I am not okay. I can feel everything bad coming back. I'm so sorry.

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Finish

We are done. Things just didn't work out. Such is life. Don't worry though, all zero of my followers. I am fine. Like I said earlier: I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I gave her the name of this blog. I assume she'll see it soon enough. I'll give her a few days. That should be enough for her to take it all in. Then, I will delete this.

#endings #goodbye #i'm sorry #i hope you find happiness #i hope you will be okay

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Thought #14

I won't be using this blog much anymore. Hopefully, it stays that way.

[drearydaysanddarknights]

Damn, it's been a while since I've been on here. I'm starting to think that this blog is actually a place for me to lock away the bad stuff. Anyways, I ended up talking to her again. I won't go into details, but basically I realized that despite any romantic feelings, we were too good of friends to stop talking. That was about a month ago.