dudejaxon

[dudejaxon]

Almost a new year

I did something huge for myself and I am determined to complete this new endeavor. I never thought I would return to school and here I am with tuition paid and books sent away for about to start the spring semester. It's unreal. I also put in my paperwork to acquire my passport because I really want to travel. I've been going to the gym every day, and grounding myself by walking in the park and sitting among the trees. I'm healing, and when I come out on the other side I'm going to be okay.

#transformation #transman #newbeginnings #freshstart #liveandlearn

[dudejaxon]

Hey there fairy of darkness, will I ever see you again?

The memories have faded but the feelings remained from when our story began.

I dream of myself talking to you even though I have nothing to say,

Maybe in the next life i will find you but in this one you're the one that got away.

[dudejaxon]

“Why should I be sad? I have lost someone who didn’t love me. But they lost someone who loved them.”

— Unknown

[dudejaxon]

A lot of things that are worth doing are very scary. Being scared of something is normal and not a sign of weakness. Do the things that move you forward, and if they are scary, do them scared. The more we do these good scary things, the easier they become.

[dudejaxon]

“Are you ever so sad that you can actually feel your heart ache.”

— Unknown

[dudejaxon]

[dudejaxon]

- f.k.q

[dudejaxon]

“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed. Remember that.”

— Unknown

[dudejaxon]

In the abyss of sleepless nights, where rest eludes your weary eyes,

Lost in the chaos of longing, as the concept of home disguise.

With empty stomach and weary soul, your hunger remains unfulfilled,

Aching for solace, for that place where your heart once thrilled.

This burning emptiness, relentless and deep,

Yearning for a sanctuary, where your soul can finally sleep.

Amidst the disarray, you search for the essence of what feels right,

Forever waiting, longing to return to a sense of belonging, of true respite.

Once, in the presence of Amber, your body found ease,

She nurtured your spirit, taught you the art of self-care's gentle breeze.

Home, it was heaven, a sanctuary from life's demanding quest,

Now the chill of emptiness engulfs you, leaving you feeling cold and lost.

Memories of this town, like a whirlwind they spin,

An onslaught of emotions, threatening to tear you from within.

Humboldt remains unexplored, a place you dare not tread,

For fear that it will shatter your fragile being, leave your spirit threadbare and torn.

But fear not, dear soul, for within lies your strength,

To rebuild your home, to find solace in life's eventful length.

Embrace the journey, seek out the pieces that make you whole,

Renew your spirit, discover the warmth even in the coldest of souls.

Rest will come, like a gentle lullaby, once you find your way,

Embrace self-care, find solace amidst the chaos, amidst the disarray.

For home resides not just in one place, but within your beating heart,

And there, in its rhythm, you'll find the peace for which you've yearned to start.

So let go of the burdens that weigh heavy on your mind,

Embrace the unknown, for within it, true solace you shall find.

And as the night sky unfolds its ethereal canvas above,

Know that home is within you, a sanctuary built on self-love.

Jaxon Mills

#spokeword #poem #poetry #Poet #creativeoutlet #soulscry #healing #growing #longingforpeace

[dudejaxon]

#cb5m #.5

[dudejaxon]

I had a weird trans lady offer me housing, and then backed out. Real nice.

Im going to humbolt shortly after I get wheels. I think that will be where I execute my plan I would prefer to lay down in the forest and die amoug my Ancestors. I will pass soon from a broken heart.

[dudejaxon]

I wanna wake up from this nightmare

I wanna feel a morning where the sunrise touches my souls and mends all my sickness..

I want a night where I can feel your breathe by my skin and your arms by my chest..

I don’t wanna dream anymore of getting you back, and open my eyes with a jolt in the morning to feel the trauma all over again..

It feels like the day you left me is repeating all over again..

The day I lost you was the last day I lost anything..after that day I was left with nothing to lose..

I tried to make you understand our differences but you always focused on my faults..

You know, I showcased your faults so beautifully that even the falling stars will not predict that I can ever take you name wishing you would come back..

Everyday feels like an extra day spending in coma where I can feel those broken pieces piercing into my heart and bleeding profusely all over again, but I can’t a speak a word out of it..

I am struggling to open my eyes and feel you comforting me saying it’s just a nightmare..but everyday I wake up to add one more day to my list where we walked one more step away from each other..

It wasn’t suppose to end like this..we were suppose to work through everything..you promised me..

Do you remember those evenings where we drank our sorrow and talked about our future?..

There’s one last message for you..I hope you get it..

We will exists till my heart beats..I know nothing matters now..but I will live in those times where nothing mattered except us.

[dudejaxon]

“Pain doesn’t just show up in our lives for no reason. It’s a sign that something in our life needs to change.”

— Mandy Hale

[dudejaxon]

“I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.”

— Unknown

[dudejaxon]

I've been getting back into old routines like yoga, watching the sun rise and sun set. Everything will be ok. Everyday gets easier. Cheers folks

[dudejaxon]

“Eventually soulmates meet, for they have the same hiding place.”

— Unknown

[dudejaxon]

I love this freedom. I forgot the taste of just me. It's becoming more comfortable. Although I've been having a real hard time with chest pain. Legit heat attack shit. I still feel I will pass soon from a broken heart