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#sansa stark appreciation life #queue

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PLATO: Man is a hairless, featherless biped!

[AUSTRALIAN DIOGENES enters carrying a SHAVED KANGAROO]

Australian Diogenes: G’day, mate! Behold, a bloke!

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The person I reblogged this from is awesome as fuck.

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in all seriousness it's very alienating knowing theres Something Wrong With You. like seeing your mental illness come through in your behaviour and thought processes and knowing it's irrational and unhealthy, knowing other people are reading you as weird or stupid, and not being able to do anything about it is such a lonely experience

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long may she reign

#sansa stark appreciation life #queue

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kiersten white / jeffrey mcdaniel, “the archipelago of kisses” / richard siken, “you are jeff” / phillip pullman, “the amber spyglass”

#poetry #trope weakness tag #queue

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Plausible summer watchlist made / if this goes well I may be picking up like a dozen new things to write for and I am so excited.

#ebf liveblogs life

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LINDA FRIESEN ‘Midnight Magic’ dress  if you want to support this blog consider donating to: ko-fi.com/fashionrunways

#fashion tag #queue

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GOD I just want to be CREATIVE but all my energy is being used to survive

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"you claim to know everything about me but you never noticed that i’ve feelings for you, not even once?” + tess/joel

PG-ish and also on ao3.

Tess is hitting a breaking point.

Correction – Tess hit a breaking point enough years ago that she can’t exactly remember when it happened and then decided to make herself a home there because what else can you do when you’ve gone and fallen in love with a man who hasn’t felt anything since before you met him and-

And to think that this is still the most functional relationship she’s ever had. Goddamn him.

The thing is, they’re so perfectly domesticated and yet the bits that go one-sided are weird. She only knows some of his scars whereas he knows all of hers, and that may be because she gets real talkative when she drinks but-

She’d had less pain, before. She’s figured that out. An imperfect life but a good one. She’s got memories she wants to keep, and she talks about them, a life she doesn’t miss as much as she probably should but it still made her and-

She’s let herself get vulnerable with this man, and he hasn’t done the same, and it’s fine, and-

They’re tangled up in bed, not really doing anything but hands are wandering, and his fingertips are tracing a scar below her ear – childhood injury, two of her brothers played hockey, in a different life those stories meant she never paid for her drinks – and she’s remembering a conversation a couple weeks ago she’s not sure she was supposed to hear, something about her being the other half of him and any other man would’ve meant that like a soulmate but not this one, not-

Screw this, something in her wants to pick a fight and she has been waiting years for the right moment that never comes and she always thinks it’ll be when one of them is dying but she’s not that kind of woman, not gonna put that kind of pressure on something so fragile, not-

“You claim to know everything about me,” she murmurs, voice too-even, mouth an inch from his forehead. “But you’ve never noticed I have feelings for you? Not even once?”

Joel makes a low noise against the base of her neck, and she feels his body tense under her fingertips like this is the worst thing, like-

“You sure about that?”

“Which part?”

“Havin’ feelings about…”

Oh, why are men like this. Tess has never met an emotionally competent one, ‘least not one who was interested in women, and she has the patience of every saint her mother ever put up an icon of and she’s still just done and-

“What part of me keepin’ you around for this many years looks like I’m not sure?”

She knows they’re not going to talk about this like normal people, knows from the way his fingers still move through her hair, the uncertainty now that she’s gone and said something and-

“Survival, maybe?”

“Is that all I am to you?”

She feels the recoil, the apology she won’t get beyond a kiss to her collarbone, the eternal uncertainty of them and-

“No. You’re…”

They both know he won’t say it back. She’s never had that kind of hope, but-

“Act like it,” she murmurs. “At least… I don’t need to be more than we are but don’t pretend we aren’t this.”

He doesn’t respond. She doesn’t expect that either. But he shifts a little closer to her and takes a heartbeat of a mouth kiss and-

It’s enough. It won’t ever be what she wants, but maybe she can convince herself it’s enough.

#ebf writes fic #joel x tess

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Last day of first year. This is a lot of emotions.

#ebf liveblogs life #ebf vs grad school #to be clear i am not done with the pile of stuff that needs to get done in the next week

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― Samantha Shannon, The Priory of the Orange Tree

#i'm gonna cry but what else is new #otp: i should've married you #queue

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leaning back against the other while they're hugging them from behind + letojessica

This is roughly wherever the line between Choice- and mid-era is // that's the blurriest of my timeline markers and I really need to figure it out sometime. PG-ish and also on ao3.

They don’t get as many quiet moments as she would like.

This is not to say that Jessica gets nothing. She claims everything she can, everything that is not supposed to be hers, every heartbeat she can claw out and-

The rumors have changed in the past few years, at least. As compared to what she used to spend too much time defending herself against, the general belief that she is too demanding is-

She is, in this way, far less than anyone else thinks. That’s a fun little change of pace.

She had never known that domestication could be so…

She doesn’t have words for the experience she has, really. The depth of it, shared spaces shared life shared child shared-

It feels too early in the morning and it isn’t, and she moves around the bedroom and watches her partner do the same and wonders when this all became normal.

No one else would ever believe how quiet they can be together, she thinks, how little need for-

“Help?”

She can do this damned spiral bun on her own, but she needs casual touch right now and she’s terrible at actually asking for it and-

Her partner moves behind her, takes a few hairpins from her hands and places them where she likes them. He needs this too, reasons to touch her that aren’t-

They should’ve figured all of this out by now. They’re inching close to a decade together. They have a four-year-old child. (She might’ve broken the world to make that happen.) (She’ll never say that out loud. He wouldn’t believe her.) They really should’ve-

His hands slip to her waist, holding her tethering her freezing this moment, and she can’t-

Jessica bites her lip, aware what her face looks like in the mirror in front of them, the emotions she can’t hide that she can’t name and-

Who is she to claim so much?

She was supposed to be invisible. A warm body in the quiet of night, a few nesting-doll daughters – at least one, but nothing wrong with backup, could be useful pawns for schemes not yet had – and by now a deferral to someone more-

She did approximately none of that. She’s happier for it. When did her happiness start to matter? When did she-

“You’re too in your head,” her partner murmurs, and current position lets her see the worry in his eyes like she rarely gets to anymore, and-

“I’ll be alright.”

“It’s too early for you to be so-“

“Can’t become something I’ve never stopped being.”

“You do realize that makes it worse, my storm.”

She’s almost tempted to twirl around and place a kiss before he says anything else, before this gets worse, before-

She is trying not to be that person, she reminds herself, and there is something safe about the way that man cares about her, something that makes her feel so alive and-

Instead she lets herself melt into the embrace, lets herself lean back and be reminded how pleasantly solid he is and how she has made every move with full awareness and still chose this, chose him, chose-

“You are an easy person to love,” she murmurs, and she rarely says such things but it feels right in the moment. “Most real choice I’ve ever made.”

She feels him tense for a moment, and she hates that her expressions of affection make him worry more, and-

“As you are for me.”

There are conversations they will never have; there are things she only knows from offhand comments in other voices, most of them even meant for her, about how she has changed the circumstances here even though-

Even those who will never trust or approve of her can at least see how useful she’s been. Somehow that feels like a few accomplished goals.

“I know I do not say it enough, but-“

“I’m no better.”

That would be a distinct understatement, she thinks, but-

Let her freeze time like this. Let her remember, someday when memories are all she has, how well they always fit together. Two halves of a whole, perfect, let them stay perfect, let them-

“I know. I adapt accordingly.”

She slips out of his arms before she can say something she might even regret, something that might turn to a fight later – not now, there is no time for that, but perhaps in the quiet of night once they’ve both had the whole day to process the latest results of her tendency to speak without-

She wants more. She wants so much more. She wants everything. She settles for this, good-enough. At least she is loved. At least she is-

“I am amazed that you do,” her partner murmurs, slipping back into separate routines. “You don’t bend for anyone else.”

There are a great many things she does with him that she doesn’t with anyone else, but-

“You make it so easy,” she replies. “How could I deny you?”

#ebf writes fic #leto x jessica #queue

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We're settled where we should be.

Bertha & George Russell in Never The New, episode 1 of The Gilded Age

#they are so... #otp: defeat is not your color #queue

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Do I wanna post my accountability list for the new-to-me ship/fic frenzy I've decided NEEDS to happen over like the next month? Just so y'all have some idea what's going on around here and so I have better odds of making myself watch things I've been eyeing for years?

#ebf liveblogs life