funkytrumpets

[funkytrumpets]

Don't like parking lots, don't like curbs. they should put a button on my keys that shrinks my car to gumball size and I can put it in my pocket! Do something for once scientists!

#I wanna make my car little #and possibly add a keychain #something to consider

[funkytrumpets]

They call me kills-people John... For absolutely no reason. It IS my nickname, but has NO history or basis in reality. It is simply what I am known as. Do not investigate further into my nickname. :)

#also #anybody wanna hang out in an undisclosed location #in the dark #no reason why

[funkytrumpets]

Wait, a snail that makes you gay!? Damn, and where would that snail be? Just so I know where not to go, you know? Like specifically which snail should I not touch, and what is this snail's exact location. So I can avoid it.

#I just wanna stay safe #oh my god its right behind me isnt it #no? oh ok. seriously though #let me know if you see it

[funkytrumpets]

Happy (last) New Year! This has certainly been an eventful year for everyone, me included, and I look forward to (exactly one) more!

I sincerely hope everyone did everything they hoped for this past year, but if you didn't, don't worry! Let the past go and look forward to a new (final) year and a new (final) opportunity to accomplish your dreams!

Have fun this year, it'll be your last-I mean, a blast. It'll be a blast.

#this is it everybody #the next (again the very last) year #hope you make the most of it

[funkytrumpets]

a bunch of water droplets just beat the shit out of me

#gnomeposting

[funkytrumpets]

To be a bird in space with a little bird space suit. nothing better

#soaring through the stars #majestic #free

[funkytrumpets]

Tumblr has told me that today is my 1 year anniversary on this website, so in honor of that I'm giving away free air to everyone who reads this. Breathe deep, folks, this one's on me.

#happy birthday to me and only me #nobody else celebrate anything else for a while #its my day

[funkytrumpets]

Reading vampire erotica like they're spooky stories around a campfire

[funkytrumpets]

been getting really into crime lately. thought it was overhyped but its pretty cool

#more crime i think #heals the world maybe #wont know unless we try

[funkytrumpets]

i think dogs deserve thumbs. at this point, you know, they've done so much for the thumb having community

#maybe they could throw the stick #just once #ill catch it in my mouth #good times

[funkytrumpets]

Haven't thought about The Horrors in a while, hope they're doin okay.

#I should give them a call #let them know I'm thinking about them

[funkytrumpets]

Shouting "lets fucking go" after spending an hour in order to save 0.1 seconds on a level of a game I like.

#time in time out #ear to the grindstone #my ancestors worked 16 hour days and died of now treatable diseases #just so I could see the pixels move on my screen and feel happy

[funkytrumpets]

TW: Child sexual assault

As it is the beginning of Pride Month, I've seen a lot of discussion around the many attacks against LGBTQ+ individuals today, but noticed that this one was particularly absent. I figured I would talk about it in case anyone didn't know already.

If you haven't already heard, Ron DeSantis recently signed into law a bill that authorizes judges to give the death penalty to anybody who is found guilty of sexually assaulting any child under the age of 12.

This may seem good at first, but will have drastic unintended, and most likely intended, side effects. First of all, the more extreme the punishment is, the more likely a child sexual predator will kill their victim in order to hide the evidence of assault, and no punishment is more extreme than death. Secondly, if a child is told by their parent or close relative (the most likely perpetrators of child sexual assault) that their parent or close relative will be killed if they report their assault, they will be much less likely to report it.

As for the intended side effect. I don't want to make a definitive claim of intention from Ron here, but considering that the large Right Wing campaign to label drag performers and any LGBTQ+ individual as child predators has been getting worse and worse, this bill seems like a stepping stone towards legally being able to kill anybody the Right labels as a child predator, whether or not they are.

If you weren't aware any of this was happening, please note that this is a slippery slope towards state sponsored killing of all LGBTQ+ individuals, and everybody should be worried about this.

If you were already aware of this, I'm sorry for reminding you.

#I hope everyone has a happy pride #Sincerely #But this stuff is really important to keep an eye on #maybe I'm wrong #but Im not the only person who suspects this #in fact I hope I am wrong

[funkytrumpets]

I've had strep and a double ear infection at the same time, no fever. I have a sore throat and suddenly its 99.5 degrees time

#its not that serious #chill out brother #idk what you got in there but smoke some cortisol or smthn

[funkytrumpets]

I imagine very few people will see this, but I wanted to talk a little bit about Nintendo's actions against Gary Bowser, who admittedly has a wild name given the circumstances.

If you don't know, Gary Bowser was the PR manager for a team that sold hardware that was able to jailbreak Nintendo Switch consoles for use in modding (mainly). They weren't the most reputable company in the world, they've done some shady things in the past. Nintendo, in an effort to stop the modding scene for their consoles, something they have been against for a long time, decided to make an example of the company by pursuing charges against its members. They were unable to charge the majority of the company's members due to them being in countries that refused to extradite them to be charged, but they were able to get Gary Bowser.

Gary Bowser was sentenced to 40 months in prison and a fine of $14.5 million, $10 million of which to be given to Nintendo. To pay this, Nintendo reached an agreement to garnish Bowser's income by 25-30% (the exact percentage is not known). Bowser is 53 years old and has a physical disability limiting his potential employment. He will be paying off this debt for the rest of his life.

Gary Bowser did not modify consoles for a living, he did PR. He stated that he only earned around $300,000 total during his time there. It is very likely that due to his disability, age, and the current state of the economy, he will be homeless for the rest of his life.

Nintendo has done many things that I consider to be bad, mostly anti-consumer practices. Their actions against Gary Bowser are disgusting, and I don't think I can support the company anymore because of this. That's not to say that my support means anything to their bottom line, and I know that they have never and will never care or even know about me. I wanted to make this post just in case anyone else who thinks like I do will read it and hopefully feel the same way.

#serious post #gross #wheres the jokes funnyman #go back to eating plastic

[funkytrumpets]

Sometimes you deserve a little plastic treat. Eat a credit card, gum wrapper, whatever man. live your best life

#eat the plastic bottles and rings around soda cans #save the turtles #eat a straw

[funkytrumpets]

been getting really into city planning youtube. we dont need more public transportation, we need more roundabouts. Ideally, we should all be driving constantly to, from, and around different circles.

#maybe no more houses #or stores and stuff #just larger and smaller circles connected by brief straight roads #thats what we need #to heal