guiltcomplexx

[guiltcomplexx]

What's happening I think and it is embarrassing is that idk what I'm going to do now that I'm so far removed from my trauma? Like it feels like a huge piece of my identity is gone?? What do you mean I'm not being abused or emotionally suffering from abuse???

[guiltcomplexx]

I know this is a bad idea but I want to message her lol

#closure? something? #I wish I had someone to say these things too

[guiltcomplexx]

I was just struck by how long ago it was and also just very aware of the thing inside me that I'm carrying around

[guiltcomplexx]

I ended up looking at the messages the person who assaulted me sent me the night that it happened and I feel weirdly calm

#I feel so odd right now #I don’t know what it is

[guiltcomplexx]

Huh

#havent posted on this blog in forever #but like can't post about this on my main

[guiltcomplexx]

I need to reconnect with my friends back home 😭

[guiltcomplexx]

I am so insecure and depressed and I don’t like my body

#I’ve gained a lot of weight and I don’t fit into most of my pants anymore so I’ve been cycling through a couple pairs that don’t make me #hate myself and today I was like I’ll try wearing leggings #but they’re making me feel very dysphoric #I’m also just wearing this to go get covid tested so like it does not matter #but I still feel so gross and bad #the leggings are very comfy tho 🤷‍♂️ #but not emotionally comfy

[guiltcomplexx]

I do love my gf a lot but she is not good at planning dates. I asked her a week or so ago if she would take me out on a date because she never has before and today is the day and she didn’t have a restaurant picked or anything. The place she had been kind of thinking about going had like two things I could eat

#she did get me flowers but besides that 🤷‍♂️ #she is not super romantic and she has been working a lot so I get it #but I am hurt #but also I feel bad about expressing that so I’m just like trying not to cry loudly

[guiltcomplexx]

I’m just gonna go back to keeping my mouth shut I think

[guiltcomplexx]

I like very clearly do not get the culture of my new job and am always like overthinking something or saying something dumb and I gotta say I hate myself

[guiltcomplexx]

Ocean Vuong, "Thanksgiving 2006" from Night Sky with Exit Wounds

[guiltcomplexx]

dude shut up. i know how to cum i just dont feel like proving it alright

[guiltcomplexx]

I’ve been feeling uber depressed lately and having intrusive thots about self harm and I’m having some right now and I want to talk to my gf but she is asleep :-(((

#i need to get better about going to sleep earlier #cause they really flare at nighy

[guiltcomplexx]

Only reason I’m not hurting myself right now is because I think it would be manipulative considering the circumstances

#my gf and i had a huge fight last night and i dont know whats going on cause she wont talk to me about it #this morning when she dropped me off at work she only said i love you because i said it #i dont want to lose her but ?? i dont know whats going on

[guiltcomplexx]

I’m worried that my gf doesn’t want to be in a relationship :-/ like I know she does love and like me romantically but I just feel like she doesn’t want to be in a relationship or like do relationship things

#its like our anniversary and she doesnt want to give me a back rub or interact #she just wants to game :-: #for context ig shes been really depressed lately and gaming is her coping mechanism #which is fine #but i just feel like she doesnt want to be in a relationshio #shed rather be gaming :-/ #im sad and worried

[guiltcomplexx]

I didn’t expect things tocost so much at old navy yesterday !!

[guiltcomplexx]

Bleh I have spent too much money the last two days ! I should be more responsible but alas I’m sad