hand-development-affairs

[hand-development-affairs]

DESMOND IN THE SODASAAWAWWAWAWAWAWAAAAAA……..

#desmond tag #[yet another shitpost lmfao

[hand-development-affairs]

do suits sleep or do you just lean against the wall for the while

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW WE SLEEP.

Des- s' likely cause ya talked 'bout yer sleepin' habits earlier.

Oh. Well- it depends on the suit, OBVIOUSLY.

Ah'm quite flexible myself. Ah'm used t' sleepin' on th' ground, given that there aren't many walls t' lean on out in th' ol' country... but ah'm able t' work wit what ah got.

Of course you can, you're refined!!! I myself... also lie down. It is what I was forced to practice ever since I was provided a living space WITH a bed, per my former employment contract. And as much as I would've loved to be able to sleep at my desk in my... forcefully unrefined months of employment, I couldn't!!!

Y' were too focused?

The phones were too LOUD!!!!!

Mh.

Not that I mind now. I maintain a VERY professional sleeping setup, that yes, involves lying down, and I plan to KEEP it that way!!!

#desmond tag #buck tag #[wooo implied desmond hc lore fheaiufaieuaefu

[hand-development-affairs]

Oh. I thought you liked my animal facts. Sorry for bothering you all this time, then.

...If you WANTED to reach out to me- the least you could do is just outright TELL me that!!! HMPH!

Anon... wit all due respect, Des ain't exactly t' nature type.

I can tell the mosquitos like to look at me all... FUNNY.

Yer facts ain't bad.

Just TELL me next time, send an email, instead of- USING animal facts to try and- lure me in, like some... LURE GAG!

#desmond tag #buck tag #[sorry anon desmonds kind of an asshole hueaufaeoi #[i think ur facts are neat!!!

[hand-development-affairs]

Buck how... How are you holding up through this whole audit ordeal? I haven't exactly seen you around all too much and if i have i havent recognized you I'm sorry...

Cogs im tired..

(@ask-toonie-cogsworth )

Mh. Sorry ah got t' ya this late, Mx. Cogsworth. Hope yer still holdin' up, despite it all. Now, 'bout th' audit... Hm. Well. Was a pain in the ass, ah can tell yeah that. Ah didn't exactly 'ppricate havin' t' deal constantly wit boardbots tryin' t' break into our offices, claimin' they could "lend us a helping hand."

I'm perfectly satisfied with my OWN hands as IS!!!

Mh-hm, exactly. Now ah've seen my fair share o' turmoil, ah'd even go so far as t' say we're well acquainted. But if ah'm to be honest. ... Ah ain't never seen somethin' spiral as quickly as that audit. Was like watchin' a spinnin' top in quicksand.

I STILL can't believe the Chairman hired- shadowy LIARS- after he FIRED the other Boardbots for LYING!!!!!

Hm.

There needs to be a SET STANDARD! Does COGS inc. hire liars, or NOT! Not to mention that one that's been all- networky with Dana!

Ah haven't spent much time wit t' new lot. And considerin' what I've heard 'bout them Head Honchos... it's fer t' best.

For you?

No. Fer them. And t' integrity of their shells.

#desmond tag #buck tag

[hand-development-affairs]

Did you know that a spider's web strands are five times stronger than steel? A rope of spider silk just two inches thick could stop an airplane in its tracks!

DANAAAAAAA!!! ... BUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Hm?

WHY are we getting ANIMAL facts!?

Hmp. Yer guess is as good as mine.

Well... in case you haven't noticed, ANON, we're not TOONS, we're SUITS. Animals doing things like- making steel producing "Vitiamin C" are TOONY inventions, and I am NOT going to waste my time on tricks conducted by- unprofessional grass eating and ground eating- animals!!!

#desmond tag #buck tag

[hand-development-affairs]

DANA WHAT HAPPENED

I... I should go.

Dana, wait-!!!

What th' hell do ya mean "stupid ask"?!

I- I've blown things out of proportion enough as is!!!

Why were you crying!? Is being corn really that painful?????

If yer gettin' those- blasts or whatnot again, ya coulda told me! Ah could use a mirror an-

FOR COGS SAKE YOU TWO-!!!! I...

[Sigh...] I need a moment. You saw nothing.

But-

But-

YOU SAW NOTHING

[Dana slams the door to her office, and slowly sinks to the floor, sighing with... exhaustion? Relief? Who knows.]

Oh SHUT UP!!!!

[Meanwhile...]

...

...

Fer t' record. No, ah didn't. Ah didn't seem 'em movin' before Des brought it t' my attention, and ah... assumed it was some kinda tacky party decoration.

Well how was I supposed to know corn doesn't have eyes?!? I don't WASTE my time looking at plants like an unrefined NERD!!!

Mmhp.

#dana tag #desmond tag #buck tag #[and we're BACK!!!!!! sorry for the delay #[college killed me but im back from the dead!!!!

[hand-development-affairs]

Corn doesn’t have a core

...Yeah, we KNOW. That's why Dana's DEAD. Are you stupid!?

Mh.

...Buck.

Hm?

You're the- you work in all the- land- aspects of our partnership-!

Are ya askin' me t' handle the burial?

Well-! Who else WILL!?! I work with oil, not CORN!

Mh. F- Fair. ...Normally ah'd- the corn decays, n' goes back t' the soil, one way or another. But...

...

It jus don't feel right t'- go 'bout it like that wit 'im.

...Even with- whatever the hell a corn is- it still feels like- its just Dana and she's here an- IS THAT OIL!?!?

[Even more sobbing noises.]

BUCK.

What in tarnation!?

IS CORN SUPPOSED TO CONTAIN THAT MUCH OIL!?

Des. DES. T' EYES ARE MOVIN', DES. THEY'RE MOVIN'.

CORN EYES DON'T DO THAT?!

WHAT THE HELL IS "CORN EYES" S'POSSED T' MEAN-!?

CORN EYES MEANS- TEMPORARY!?

AH- Desmond. DESMOND KEROSENE. DO Y' MEAN T' TELL ME THIS WAS ALL JUST SOME- ANON TOON MAGIC JUNKSCRAP RAZZLE DAZZLE CHICANERY-!?

I-!

[POOF!]

-AND IF I KNEW- hh- IT WAS GOING TO SPRIAL INTO SUCH A MASSIVE COGDAMNED MESS, I WOULD'VE- hic- NEVER OPENED THAT STUPID- hhu- ASK IN THE FIRST PLACE- COG, THEY CAN'T EVEN HEAR ME-!!!!! THEY CAN'T-! PLEASE COG- gh- PLEASE-!!! I CAN'T- I DON'T WANT- I CAN'T LEAVE THEM- NOT LIKE THIS-!!! PLEASE-

Oh.

#dana tag #desmond tag #buck tag #long post #cw caps

[hand-development-affairs]

saddest and most sopping wet cat of a corn cob cog ever

[HRKKN WAUGHHHGHH SOB HHUUHHHHH WAUUGAUHHGHGHGU UUUUUWAAHHGAHGHGH WUAGHGHGHGHHRH HHRHK UUGHKH WAUUGAHAH BWAHHHHH]

[UWAHGHHGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]

#dana tag

[hand-development-affairs]

Clap, clap, clap. What an end to a long, arduous performance, to the end of the tragedy of Dana S. Charme’s life. A death as absurd as the rest of her life, an end as peaceful as it is sorrowful and sudden. Rest in pieces, performer. Everyone, take a standing ovation, as the actors and actresses bow. :)

STOP SPEAKING WORDS!!!!!!!!!! WE DIDN'T EVEN INVITE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S' a good eulogy, ah'll give 'em that.

More like a- unrefined-! Eulogy!!!

Des-

I'm busy going through the 12 quarters of grief, BUCK, stop existing so- loudly!!!

Ah think its 5 stages.

You know, rage, rage, rage, rage-

-ge, and r- SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

Oh fer cogs sake, be respectful!!! Ah'm not even a fan of 'er work, but at least AH know when t' set our grudges aside fer once!

#desmond tag #buck tag

[hand-development-affairs]

dana is corn. ergo. dana is dead

[?!?!?!?!??!?!!]

WHAT?! NO!!! No- Dana- Dana can't be DEAD! That'd be stupid!!!

...He wouldn't fold over THAT easily, fer cogs sake.

I don't think he asked to be turned into corn, Buck.

[!!!!!!!!]

...Ya think he's still there? Somehow?

WAIT- I have once again, come up with a perfect solution to the crisis at hand. Cores can beep. If you have a core, you're not dead. So if Dana can beep, that means he has a core, and she isn't dead!

...Alrigh.

HEY DANA, SAY SOMETHING!!!

[...She can't, Desmond.]

...

...

...Well. Ah suppose that's that-

No. No. Nonono- that's not FAIR!!! Now we've got- to- arrange a dead suit retirement party or- WHATEVER! And we're going to have to- tell everyone that she's now- d- dead-!!!

[!?]

Des-? Do y' need a moment-?

AND IT'S GOING TO TAKE FOREVER!!! And- and they're going to be mad and broken that- she's died so STUPIDLY and we'll all lose morale and- NOTHINGS going to get done, Buck! We're going to have to inform ourselves, inform Mr. Oilcan, the Chairman, Allan-!

That one- that Adrian suit she's always talking about, her mom, Ivan, wugh- Winston, that Auger guy, Mr. Wi- BOAR, even-!

Tiberius, Ethan, all of Allan's- kids- all the Sellbots except for the ones she hates, the tubers, if they ever get back from their migration, us again- Buck- it'll- they'll all- they'll all- GRAH!!!

...It'll be a shame, that's fer sure. ... Goin' out like this. Ah- ah... Mh.

#dana tag #buck tag #desmond tag #[heehee >:3] #[i pause to eat btw]

[hand-development-affairs]

youre like ants or little dolls to me.

EXCUSE you, Dana is OBVIOUSLY not an ANT right now, he's a- [Desmond pauses to pull out his phone and squint at the screen as he reads a message.] "a cob of corn"! Do you even have EYES, anon?!

[You feel like, if the corn could speak, it would say Desmond's name in a fond yet slightly exasperated tone.]

Unless you're calling ME an ant... if that's the case, then HEY. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME ANON. DO I LOOK ANT SIZED TO YOU!?!?!

[!!!!!]

Des, fer cogs sake, can ya keep it down out there-! Ah'm in t' middle of a call- ... What's wit Bar-ba-que sides.

That's DANA, Buck! She randomly became all- unprofessional and STUFF- for no reason at all!!!

...You mean t' tell me that- that Danas turned t' a plate o' corn.

[Yes.]

I know, it's stupid.

#dana tag #buck tag #desmond tag

[hand-development-affairs]

dana banana

... DANAAAAAAAAA THE ANONS ARE EGREGIOUSLY MISPELLING YOUR LAST NAME. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING YOU CARE ABOUT, OR WHATEVER? ...DANA. DANA. DANA, I'M YELLING FOR YOU TO GET OVER HERE! DANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! DANA! ... Dana?

[More anguished corn cob yelling.]

Oh, there you are...??????

[...]

...Dana?

[...]

Why do you look so unrefined? We're at work, for cogs sake!

[!!!!!!]

#dana tag #desmond tag

[hand-development-affairs]

why are there three of you and not just one of you? it would be more cost efficient.

I- well... assuming this isn't another thinly veiled attempt to provoke me, I'll entertain your absurd question, dear listener. Now, concerning the Directors Project, I am obviously not at liberty to disclose every single detail of the plan. However, it's an open secret that we're set to take over certain- positions- and in that case, I'll point out a few things. One, we're replacing 3 different managers, in three different districts- one suit, no matter how skilled, logically couldn't cover THAT much ground and reasonably meet our set quotas. Not to mention, we have our designated specialties! Desmond handles oil harvesting, Buck handles land acquisition and development, and I handle public relations! We all have our role to play in this great machine, dear listener, and if you take one of us out- then simply put, the machine will break! Of course, some of us have more important jobs, I'm one of the highest-ranking PR suits- or the only one that's still standing- BUT- I've got to handle those fuzzballs, and believe me, if I wasn't here, you'd- you'd be able to te-

[POOF!]

[Insert anguished corn cob screaming here. If a corn cob could scream in anguish, that is.]

#dana tag #[chances are this is either gonna last 5 or 10 asks]

[hand-development-affairs]

you guys look like those really rubbery toys that come in capsules and cost like 25 cents, except you guys are like, the 60$ version of those

Now... implications that we're only worth 60 cogbucks to you aside... when you say rubbery- are- are you implying that you think we're made out of RUBBER???

BUCK IS.

KEROSENE.

But it's COOL rubber, the kind that if it came into contact with YOU, you'd explode instantly, on the basis that you'd be unable to withstand such quality rubber.

Well... I don't know about THAT- but yes, rubber shells- could- exist in concept!

S'only in a few parts o' mah shell. So don't git any ideas, ya pests!!!

We'll kill you if you do.

WE ARE- we will GREEN you, nothing more, we can NOT afford any more- workplace accidents!!!

#dana tag #desmond tag #buck tag

[hand-development-affairs]

Buck you’re an interesting guy

Mh. If yer complimentin' me, then.... ah suppose t' least ah could do is thank you. Ah'm not one t' 'bout those kinda things... but least someone 'round here's willin' t' lend an ear. And if yer insultin' me... well, fer yer sake, ah'll have ta ask ya t' hit t' road before ah make ya.

#buck tag

[hand-development-affairs]

Soo.. I heard through the grapevine that a certain Mxr Brubot and Mx cogsworth are getting pretty "friendly" with each other.

What's your thoughts on if they DID start to date?

🦷

[Sighs] Oh great, another outdated ask.

S' on you fer lettin' it collect dust.

...

Ah'm just sayin'.

Anyway- well, dear- giant tooth emoji listener-? I think you'll be pleased to know that they've gone quite past the point of friendly. In general, Mr. Brubot is... quite beloved, so to speak. And he's very open about- a lot. And-

I don't like him.

Wuh- Desmond-!

Hm?

He interferes with my composure!!!! Do you KNOW how bad that is for my refined image- my professionalism??? ESPECIALLY during the banquets!!

...Brubot's loud, sure, but I thought he avoided the HQ like the plague-!

It's not that, Dana! When I see him- I- I feel like I'm exploding, internally- the 3rd worst kind of explosion- but I'm NOT, which is STUPID, and it makes Brubot look STUPID!

... Desmond. I think you-

Good fer you, Des.

#dana tag #buck tag #desmond tag

[hand-development-affairs]

Well, Dana, how about you go help Buck and Desmond take the uranium? Are you scared to fail, too?

Oh dear cog, this one is- this one is unbelievably outdated, to say the least. Anyway, if you must know, concerning THAT distant incident- I opted to stay out of it for a variety of reasons. I'm not particularly designed to do any sort of physical work of that level, and additionally, I'd rather avoid getting myself involved in whatever trouble that britsuit has gotten himself into now. That's not to discredit him. Or any other versions of him, for that matter. Last I checked, one of them was preoccupied with his duties and that- brainiac, and the other one... "respawned" in the United Cogdom. I know, sounds absurd, but as long we all get some well deserved peace and quiet, I'm not one to complain! Well, as quiet as it can get.... So to answer your question, dear listener. I know when to stay out of trouble. Unlike some suits, I actually value my sanity.

#dana tag