hannahxxashley

[hannahxxashley]

On Valentine’s day, I went back to Ottawa with my parents for the first time in over 10 years. My health can only allow me one-day trips once in a while, so we made the most of that good health day that also coincided with a rare warm sunny day.

Outfit rundown Coat: old Mary Magdalene Skirt: second-hand Lois Crayon Bag: second-hand Axes Femme Hat: old Rudsak (with added bow) Boots: old Fluevog

[hannahxxashley]

1912 Hotel: Ottawa’s Château Laurier (more pictures on my Instagram post)

Outfit rundown Skirt: second-hand Lois Crayon Cardigan: second-hand Axes Femme Blouse: old 1861 Boots: old Fluevog Hat: old Rudsak (with added bow) Belt: thriftedBag: old Axes Femme Cameo: second-hand Wedgwood Other brooches: vintage

[hannahxxashley]

[hannahxxashley]

The outfit under the coat (from my previous post) Outfit rundown Dress: second-hand Mary Magdalene Bolero: second-hand Mary Magdalene Socks: old Innocent World Fur collar used as a headdress: Axes Femme Shoes: old Hotter Flower comb: old Innocent World Flower brooches in fur collar and earrings: Pauline Rose and other artists from Design Festa Necklace and brooch: vintage

[hannahxxashley]

_nocturnalsouls_

[hannahxxashley]

creds to @thepulpgirls

[hannahxxashley]

[hannahxxashley]

[hannahxxashley]

art by Gina Iacob

for my demons

[hannahxxashley]

Two. Weeks. Of. Care.

$124,569.84

Let that sink in. And not to mention, rarely does insurance even cover eating disorder care, or if they do, they only pay for 15-30 days of treatment. When you are dealing with an eating disorder, that is nowhere near enough time to even scratch the surface of recovery. You go in, you’re force fed and have to deal with weight gain that is often too much too fast emotionally, you have to do group therapy where you aren’t allowed to actually talk about any part of your eating disorder in detail because you might “trigger the others”, you do some individual therapy with a therapist who may or may not end up doing more harm than good, and then they release you when your BMI is normal. The average timespan that a person remains behavior free once released: 2 weeks. Within one year, most patients are back to behaviors that are just as bad or worse than when they went into treatment in the first place.

But hey, at least the rich people keep getting richer, right? 😒🖕🏻🖕🏻

#ed recovery #eating disorder #life with an eating disorder #anorexia #bulimia #osfed #ednos

[hannahxxashley]

Zuhair Murad Pre-Fall 2022 Collection Pt.1

[hannahxxashley]

Zuhair Murad Pre-Fall 2022 Collection Pt.2

[hannahxxashley]

(Long Twitter thread incoming)

Oh my goodness. It’s like this person tapped into my brain and wrote out all of my thoughts. I’ve been saying this shit for YEARS. I’m so glad there are other people working on recovery that see how fucked up the world of recovery actually is. The system is broken and I hope more and more people will start to see this and start talking with their care teams about these issues and I hope the care teams will actually listen. Please listen to us. We are living through this. We aren’t fighting treatment. We are trying to make it better. We want treatment to work for us. We want it to work for everyone who has to live with an eating disorder. 💜

#ed recovery #eating disorder #anorexia #bulimia #osfed #ednos

[hannahxxashley]

Haven’t posted in a while. I might try to post more regularly as I am working on recovery this year. Idk. We’ll see lol.

#ed recovery #ed journal #anorexia #bulimia #ednos #osfed

[hannahxxashley]

This also has good info on how many loved ones often treat an eating disordered person in frustration when they are met with an unwillingness to get well (i.e. yelling/screaming, name calling, putting them down, etc.) and why it absolutely does not help. She also talks about the misconception that “pro-Ana” material is a cause of an eating disorder, when in reality it is a SYMPTOM of an eating disorder. Purposefully seeking out “thinspo” and pro-Ana material to trigger oneself is a symptom. I do it when I feel myself struggling. Eugenia Cooney cannot cause anyone to have an eating disorder and blaming her, saying that she is making young girls who look up to her have eating disorders themselves is blatantly ignorant. Eating disorders are written in our genetic code. If a young girl wants to look like Eugenia, chances are she has already had those disordered thoughts. If another person could cause an ED just by showing themselves when they are sick, every single person on this planet would have an ED because we ALL struggle with body image/weight/self esteem etc at some point in our lives. It is is not that simple. And as far as triggering someone into a relapse, we all have to take control of our own self. If thinspo/pro-Ana material is going to make you relapse, YOU AND ONLY YOU have the power to stop yourself from looking at it. It is not Eugenia’s or any other person’s responsibility to keep you in your recovery. It is YOUR responsibility.

I understand the outrage of the community…but you cannot force someone to get better if they don’t want to and calling her names, belittling her, screaming at her, telling her she is causing others to have eating disorders, that only reinforces her own belief that she is stupid/worthless/a horrible person, etc.

I just wish people would take the time to truly educate themselves about this disease. It is important. I wish Eugenia the best and I hope she finds it within herself to seek out help before it is too late. She is such a sweet girl. My heart hurts for her and her suffering. If you know anyone who suffers from an eating disorder, PLEASE educate yourself about it. Please take the time to TRY and understand and please, for the love of god, be kind to them.

https://youtu.be/fo-hxmL8g4c

#ed recovery #eating disorder #anorexia #bulimia #osfed #ednos #educate yourselves #Youtube

[hannahxxashley]

I’m going to try to stop obsessing over calorie intake. I always want to eat a kind bar with my yogurt for my nighttime meal but Ana says it’s too many calories. But I really want to eat the kind bars. So fuck it. I’m just going to do it. Like 160 calories is going to kill me. For fucks sake. Eating disorders can really be fucking ridiculous sometimes. 😒🤦🏻‍♀️

**stay tuned for the inevitable breakdown after I eat a kind bar with my nighttime meal. 😂 “BUT YOU’LL GET FAT” she says. 😒🖕🏻🖕🏻

#ed recovery #progress not perfection #eating disorder #anorexia #bulimia #osfed #ednos

[hannahxxashley]

Headache update:

I had to move the gabapentin up to 1800mg (600mg 3x a day). It’s working pretty well to keep the headaches mostly at bay. Still struggling to find some balance with the digestive issues that it causes. 😩