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Batman: Why didn’t you tell me?

Batkid: You didn’t ask.

This is a regularly repeating conversation that covers anything and everything. Lost an organ? Well, you didn’t ask. Secretly eloped? Never came up. Adopted a child? Well, I’m telling you now. Spent four months in an alternate dimension and came back ten minutes after you left? Huh, could have sworn I mentioned that, but to be fair it’s not like you asked.

And every. Single. Time. Batman is just like… No? It’s not? Why would I have thought to ask that?

Barbara tells Bruce it’s karma for never telling the Justice League anything. Bruce is not amused. Barbara proceeds to invite him to her wedding.

Bruce: I didn’t know you were dating anyone?

Barbara:

Barbara: Well, it’s not like you asked.

Bruce: *eye spasms*

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everybody just latched onto “terf = enemy” and then never again put any thought into why that is, and what transmisogyny is, so they just make a big deal out of being an anti-terf instead of understanding the problem in the first place

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I hate it when your parents are like “I know you better than you know yourself!” Like no you don’t

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If you’re dealing with a door-to-door evangelist, pretending you’ve never heard of Jesus isn’t a power move – they already assume you’ve never heard of Jesus. It’s actually an article of faith among many such organisations that the truth of their teachings is intuitively obvious to everybody and the only reason everyone hasn’t already converted is that they literally don’t know who Jesus is. Acting like you’ve never heard of Jesus is making their day.

No, if you’ve got some time to kill, what you do is pretend that you’ve never heard of religion. Like, as a concept. They’re very rarely prepared for that one!

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My dog needs to learn this

#my wil take mouthfuls of water #and come over to drop them on me #it’s intentional #she gets water then goes searching through the house looking for me

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If people were too mean to you when you were growing up, a newborn animal will materialize inside your brain and it’s so so scared and shivering and it will stay there for years. Decades, even. And whenever you say something kind of weird but true to your heart the animal will tell you “Noo! You can’t say that! If you say that, everyone will hate you!”. The animal means well. It’s so so small and everything is so scary for them and it’s just trying to protect you. But listen to me. Listen to me. Whenever this happens, you can’t do what the animal says. You can’t. If you do, you’ll become as scared as the animal. You have to keep saying weird shit. You have to keep doing things the animal wouldn’t approve of. If you do enough things that scare the animal, maybe one day it’ll go to sleep.

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Thesis: at least 60% of the Marvel-versus-DC stuff really boils down to an argument over whether pulp sci-fi is better or worse than utopian sci-fi.

#is that by fallout boy #or panic at the disco #I can’t ever remember

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Goofy headcanon

Kakashi resplved to marry Gai at age eight, not because he was genuinely concerned about romantic love at that time

He knew if/when he married Gai that Dai would legally be his father in some way

And Dai is the only person in all of Konoha that Kakashi will accept as a father figure, but Gai is his bestie not his brother, so the solution is obvious to his eight year old genius brain

He’s gonna marry gai

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ok i’m curious

#my friends and I all have different colours #I’ve got green #one has purple #one blue #and one red #i

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Friendly reminder that when Gai dances, Kakashi dances.

This friendship/rivalry is 100% equal and while Kakashi isn’t as openly enthusiastic as Gai he is still 100% participating enthusiastically in the way that he shows enthusiasm.

#they love each other your honour

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Hear me out… in a universe where Bruce, Clark, and Lois are polyamorous, but no one knows…Bruce and Lois get caught making out by a paparazzi and the tabloids have a field day.

The JL is like “Batman wtf that’s Superman’s wife!”

Bruce’s PR team is urging him to release a statement saying that it was just close friends in a moment of passion and had no meaning.

Perry is pressing Clark to come out and say something about the situation.

The next day the tabloids are full of pictures of Bruce and Clark making out and now everyone’s confused.

Everything blows over with Bruce’s “reputation” intact as the most seductive celebrity.

Perry just doesn’t want to deal with it anymore and doesn’t want to know why his two best reporters are lip-locking with a billionaire.

JL just collectively sighs.

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Little jockey

(Source)

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#I had two #a bat and a sloth #funny enough #my best friend also had a bat and sloth as a kid #I just thought of that #small world #now we have matching trash pandas

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i’ll forgive a fat girl for so many annoying things simply because i know how fucking miserable it is to be a fat girl. like. you dont get to exist freely and with any joy until you go through a decades long soul search full of extreme emotional pain OR you nearly kill yourself to become something society might accept. or you toughen up after years of bullying forced you to be more confident. literally there is no painless route to being a fat girl in your 20 somethings. so like. fat girls can be annoying as a treat. you have all been annoying our whole lives

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Me when I first joined Tumblr: Oh, I already reblogged this. That’s too bad.

Me now: I reblogged this every day for the last three weeks and I'mma do it again. I don’t give a fuck.

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zzz