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icynot-blog1 · 5 years

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My life

I don’t know where else to rent my feeling without getting caught, I’m a bit of a shy person who like to play game. My parent don’t understand that and think gaming is a waste of time. It’s not like anyone will see this which I don’t mind, I guess this will be a place for me to rent my feeling and mind without feeling like my family or friends will see it.

Life in 2019 is not going great for me, I just finish school but for some reason I feel like I don't want to do anything at all, I feel like a shut in person and no where in life. I can’t found any confident to do anything and little mistake make me want to give up. 2019 should be fun, 2019 should be a great year, finally finishing school and getting ready for adulthood but it just seem so hard and I feel like I’m not ready. You can tell my English are not my first which is something I been make fun a lot but I found it funny even know it something that people should not be making fun of.

I would start my whole story of my life but I’m sure no one want to hear that on my Facebook page or Instagram or no one want to see it in their dm so I’m just going to rent here.

I came to this country in 2010, because my mother meet an English dude, got marry, you know the drill. Life was great if i want to call it that, my mother start to have problem with drinking and gambling, wasting thousand and thousand of money, my step dad was not very happy about it and often fight. It goes on for so long that I lost count of how long, maybe 10 years?. Our family have been going up and down that I start to hate my own mother, she make my childhood mess up and no fun, she make me see the world that is today instead of seeing rainbow and sunshine. I don’t blame her because I know I’m not her favorite child, I know from the look she gave me, the way she yelled at me, the way she call me my real dad look alike, and how much she hated me. I often think the reason why she brought me here instead of my sister with her kids and leave me in Thailand with my real dad, can’t change fate I say.

Life is great when i start school too, can’t even speak their language and getting by without knowing that they are making fun of me. I start school in year 4 and that is when I said the very first thing to a guy who was making fun of me “fuck you” I don’t even know what that words mean back then but hey, great. I had a few friends and I was the most brightest kids in the school even knowing what happen at home. Don’t know how I did it but it make me want to be like that again.

Time skip because nothing really sound interesting through out my high school year until year 12. March 23rd 2019, my sister got into car accident and was hit by a 10 wheel truck in Thailand. That night I was playing video game and heard a loud scream coming from the kitchen. Often I would not go check on the noise knowing that my step dad and her might be fighting, i rather lock myself in the room but for some reason I went to go check. That night i never see my own mother breaking down so hard that it make me very worried, she told me that my sister is in an accident and that she got hit by a 10 wheels truck, she don’t know what is happening and what is going on, she was half drunk and we try our best to help her. Mum wanted to go to Thailand but it was a last minutes notice that we didn't have to prepared.

Took her awhile to fall asleep while me and dad working a plane tickets to go to Thailand. Only mum can go tho because my dad and I pass board is not up to date. It also took me awhile to fall asleep because it is a shocking news and my online friends was there to listen. He was a great guy, he help me feel great and stay with me for awhile, he didn’t want to see my cry and he was there to listen.

Mum left on Sunday morning with dad to the airport while i stay at home, school was starting Tuesday and I’m going to Sydney. Dad came home Monday and told me the news.

My sister died yesterday night...

My sister died yesterday night my nephew had 2 broken legs. They say that she is drink driving, they say she fall asleep, they said she speed driving. There’s so much i didn't know what is true.

I beg my dad that i would get an emergency pass board which we did and I went to Sydeny on Tuesday along with my school and done what I have to do before heading straight to Thailand.

I couldn’t turn up at my real father funeral so I’m turning up at my sister, no matter what.

Let just say the funeral feel like a blur and it make me feel out of place. Now my family is struggling to bring my nephew who don’t have anyone else over here. Its hard and that OK.

2019 is not that fun anymore and it make me sad. I don’t like this year very much...

#Life #mystory

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