invertebrat

[invertebrat]

Heritage Unit - https://heritageunit.bandcamp.com/ VLHS Pomona, CA December 09, 2016 you need a mirror now its so sick seeing you use your anger against others you’ve become just like the world that was once ugly to you day by day, what you say slowly pushes us away hope it keeps you wide awake at night

[invertebrat]

#heritage unit #nacion de humo #dust pan #best pal #che cafe #border angels

[invertebrat]

I wrote about dying...

Pathos Delay by Boilermaker (Goldenrod, 1996)

I think about the day I found out the singer passed away from skin cancer. I think about how much pain I felt for a person I hardly knew. A person that I never met. Boilermaker was an important band to me before the cancer took Terrin but it became something a lot larger afterward. It makes me regret any opportunity I had to meet him. Terrin first messaged me on a myspace page about emo that I ran. It was basically lists of things I knew and wanted other people to know, tons of photos I stole from elsewhere on the internet, and songs I liked that week. I’m not sure why he messaged me but we kept in contact through my personal myspace account up until a couple months before his passing. The sparse contact I had with him left a large impression.

I think about this song and I think about Terrin. I think about dying and how my brain gravitates toward it so often.  I find myself fantasizing about it in several ways.

I wonder about death.

I have confused death with a path, a viable option.

Death has scared me. I tried to run away, once, when it was there.

Death has made me feel comfort, knowing that it could give me respite from whatever my brain was doing to itself.

When I see others succumb to the other voice in their head, I think about how it easily it could be me.

This song has kept me company when the thoughts were present. They were like a best friend who distracted me with a joke or a walk around the park or a car ride to the beach. It might seem alarming that I need to be distracted but for many that suffer from that other voice, it is the nature of each action. Music can be simplified that way. A distraction. But it’s such a powerful distraction. Sometimes it’s the last distraction between you and the end of a gun, the bottom of a noose, the L-pill for your escape, the vertical slit. Boilermaker has kept me alive and that’s why I’m writing about them.

#music #boilermaker #EMO #the jade shader #midwestmo #pinback

[invertebrat]

“discolation” by billy bao

#billy bao #music

[invertebrat]

myself, long beach 2016

[invertebrat]

another one gone...

#abbas kiarostami

[invertebrat]

city of caterpillar LIVE

#abc no rio #city of caterpillar #emo

[invertebrat]

echo park, california 2016

[invertebrat]

santa ana 2016

#me

[invertebrat]

found photo 2016

#found

[invertebrat]

honestly there were some moments of soko ga shiritai that choked me up as much as any ozu or naruse movie.

[invertebrat]

songs about: burning bridges with people you know, physical pain and how i endure it or fail underneath it, loving those that do not allow themselves to be loved, the relationship of suffering and experiencing someone elses suffering, an open letter to someone i used to love letting them know its awesome that i don't know them anymore, my friend Christopher Diehm and how i love him a lot, how im drawn to bury myself in songs that make me sad or pensive, and misdirected anger.

thank you to Erol Ulug and all who were involved.

#heritage unit #emo #midwestmo #music

[invertebrat]

Soophie Nun Squad– Kafe Kult, Munich, Germany on our final tour. May, 2006.

[invertebrat]

See you in La Puente! excited...

dang, didn’t know this was up. this band is great. come out to california soul glo. lets do it.

[invertebrat]

hey, guess it’s time to do it now...

dang, didn’t know this was up. this band is great. come out to california soul glo. lets do it.

[invertebrat]

booger deli fun, downtown LA, february 2016

#disposables

[invertebrat]

rescanning of an old picture. lake oswego, oregon 2008

#disposables