jaeull

[jaeull]

sometimes i kill myself but im fine in the morning

[jaeull]

ANIMATION + FIREWORKS

Anastasia (1997) Weathering with You (2019) The Little Mermaid (1989) Over the Moon (2020) Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) A Silent Voice (2016) Soul (2020) Alice in Wonderland (1951) I Want to Eat Your Pancreas (2018) Mulan (1998)

[jaeull]

my blog truly reflects my life.. inconsistent.. disorganised… annoying

[jaeull]

i am always checking other people’s body language. my therapist says this is a normal conditioned response to what i’ve been through, she says - you like to see a problem before it becomes a problem.

i like to see a problem before it is a problem. if i can solve the problem early, then there will never be a problem to exist. if i can’t solve it, i’d like to leave, and if i can’t leave, i don’t know how to handle it. so i watch, and i wait for things that might not happen, and i duck out of parties early, and i don’t let people too close, and i don’t believe you like me, and i say i am happy on my own.

my therapist says - with all this watching, don’t you worry you might misunderstand a signal and end up seeing rejection where there is acceptance? don’t you think you might be giving this a lot of power over your existence? 

with all this watching, she says. when do you get to actually experience?

[jaeull]

schuyler peck / instagram: hiitssky / facebook

[jaeull]

I want you in the liminal stage. In the in between place. It means in a doorway, in a dawn. When the lights go out, but before the performance begins. In the most vulnerable, in the most tentative. In the place where one thing is about to change into another. In the hovering.

– Carole Maso, Aureole

[jaeull]

                    it’d be better if i never saw her. i see her every day, and it’s really driving me crazy. i tell myself to just never look at her. but i keep thinking about her even when i close my eyes. then when i see her, i want to touch her. whenever i see her smile with another guy, i get so pissed off. my head keeps saying i shouldn’t, but i can’t stop looking at her. and my heart can only follow my eyes.

[jaeull]

Minsan nakakapagod mag habol ng mga bagay-bagay. Isipin mo, buong buhay mo naghababol ka. Sa iskwela, naghahabol ka ng project assignment at kung ano pa man. Sa trabaho ganun din; kailangan swak ka sa deadline kung hindi wala, sa kangkungan ka pupulutin. Hanggang sa mga relasyon naghahabol ka rin. Gusto mo uminom? Dami pang paliwanag, nagpapahabol pa, di na lang humindi. Yung tipo mong babae o lalake hinahabol mo rin.

Nakakaumay mag habol. Tapos, kung hindi ka nag hahabol, iiwanan ka naman sa ere. Putang ina. Tol, matuto tayong humindi. Matuto tayong kumilatis ng taong may ayaw sayo at sa gusto mong gawin. Pero wag din tayo nangiiwan at nagpapahabol. Konting konsiderasyon para sa taong may gustong gawin sa buhay. Wala lang magawa yan, walang makasama. Kung ayaw mo okay lang. Kung papalag pwede naman. Wag tayo nag sasayangan ng oras.

Ayoko ng ma-rason na tao. Mas gusto ko pa yung nagbibigay ng diretsong sagot. Hindi nagpapaligoy-ligoy. Yung alam nila yung gusto nila sa buhay nila.

Tandaan mo hindi ka tinanong kung bakit, tinanong ka kung gusto mo. Oo o hindi?

[jaeull]

Verses on different subjects → (2 / 5)

[jaeull]

happy father’s day to all the disney dads, stepdads, and father figures ♡

[jaeull]

Happy Father’s Day to all the incredible Dads and Father figures around the world and to these animated daddies from Disney, Pixar and Dreamworks ~

[jaeull]

[jaeull]

When everything quiets down to a whisper and there’s nothing but the wind and the cold night’s embrace. That’s the time you want to talk to someone – anyone.

You feel your thoughts run through your head. Ideas are fresh, problems are solved, and, for a moment, you feel happy.

Every time this hour passes by every day, you feel better than drunk and happier than those who are loved. You feel like you can take on the world. It’s like the universe gives you this moment, these waning hours to create something, do something, say something that you really want. But, alas, the universe is just mocking you. No one is listening, no one is interested, no one is out there.

It’s fine though. We’re all used to this. 

[jaeull]

paint the town || a.s.w. || transcription below

Keep reading

[jaeull]

Grabe parang a year ago pa yung huli kong personal post dito and most of the time puro reblog or scroll scroll na lang nagagawa ko. Hindi talaga ako maka-keep up ng kahit anong journal eh HAHAHA. Parang ang daming nangyari in a year from naka-move on to pandemic? Ang dami ko rin rant about pandemic from frustrations to being thankful na hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula.

Sana okay lang ang lahat. Kapit lang tayo!

#personal #diary #life

[jaeull]

THE ATTACK HAHAHA it me

she’s distant! she’s incoherent! she’s sensitive! she uses escapism as a coping mechanism! she’s me!!!

[jaeull]

current mood: I need to explore a deep misty forest very far away