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[ji50]

I'm tired. I seat around my house all alone no one to see me no one to care my ex says she still.loves me but can't be with me and I understand that cause of the things I have done to hurt her so much

But I'm tired not of being alone thats my new norm but of havi g no one to turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on a hug to be embraced by.

I'm tired of hiding my self way trying to be normal when I never will be

I'm tired of struggling to be just ok of fighting just so the demons stay away

I'm tired of hating what I see in the mirror knowing all the morals I was raised with have all be shot to hell

But mostly I'm tired of living this life tired of sleeping and having no dreams tired of fighting without and end to see tired of not really living at all tired of existing without a single cause

The pistol beside me at night is my comfort I hold it daily against my head because who really cares if im dead the only thing that stops me is I know my kids will find me but one day they won't be here and the scene won't be imprinted into there heads

I'm tired of waiting to end this life only one person knows me and I call her wife but no longer is she to be mine for i have fucked it along with the rest of my life in tired

[ji50]

So I guess I should share my story see if it makes me feel better....

Since I knew I was young I felt different then what everyone else seemed to feel I would say I was about 13 or 14 when I started to notice guys now my family was very against being gay my dad called them faggots and that they deserve whatever they got my mom who was against the Bible what is the control but they can do what they want just not around her Ricky revolutionary so my upbringing wasn't exactly open to the idea so course I hid it I did my best to suppress it make it go away but never truly want a way but I got to point when I thought maybe I could ignore it I mean I was attracted to females to so I'll just pay attention to that side Define l i love how I went through high school never dated anybody hardly had any friends hiding who I was for fear of reprisal and rejection then eventually I graduated high school I got a job and I meant my wife I was working with some of my friends and I would stop at that gas station every night after work cuz it's where my sister worked and her and I flirted around eventually started dating she moved in still not telling anybody about my attraction to men we were together maybe six months and I started looking at gay porn of course I was young internet was a whole kind of new thing for everybody she caught me I admitted to her that I was bisexual we talked about it but I I was still uncomfortable with it I wasn't ready to admit it even to myself so I convinced her that it wasn't anything I really needed and that I wouldn't do it anymore and I went that way for years off and on exploring things and she'd find out and then as time went on eventually we got married and my behavior continued and she kept catching me and then finally one day she tells me about this co-worker of hers that she's really good friends with shevsaud he seems like a really nice guy and she wanted to hang out with him after work so we did turns out he was openly gay he's a really nice guy very sweet so we would hangout me and her and him and his boyfriend This guy and I ended up messaging each other back and forth that continued for about 5 years him and I would flirt with each other back and forth regardless of the circumstances that we were in and then eventually my wife found out she left me which I don't blame her not one bit do I blame her the guy by then had gotten a new boyfriend and now I am sitting around waiting for him to message me maybe once a week clinging some hope that I did not throw away my marriage for something that he obviously does not want

[ji50]

Waistband Wednesday

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Waistband Wednesday

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THIS IS MONEY PENIS, REBLOG WITHIN 5 MINUTES AND MONEY WILL COME ALL OVER YOU WITHIN 24 HOURS

[ji50]

So I spent the weekend with the man of my dreams haha. This handsome man took pics of me sleeping cause he said I was smiling while I was cuddled with him.

#gay love #best guy ever #gaybear #gaypride #handsome #love this guy #love is love

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😋

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I miss you ):

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