johndoeche-blog-blog

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Their lives would be so much easier if engineers just created babies with pre-installed blackberries. And a silent mode.

Sad White Babies With Mean Feminist Mommies

The Atlantic is reviving the tired feminist-baiting question “can women have it all.” Le sigh. In celebration of this backlashtastic event, I’ve compiled some of my favorite images that are often the art in these kinds of articles: The mean/frazzled/distracted working white mom (because WOC don’t exist in this narrative) who has been fooled into thinking she can have it all by feminism. Good times.

Note: I haven’t read the piece (it’s not out yet) and for all I know is a scorchingly awesome piece of feminist writing. But the headline/art/cover is just too awful and (knowingly) plays into the anti-feminist cliche the search for work/life balance is greedily trying to have “it all.”

#crotch fruit #stock photos exist for tumblr

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"They like him because he's white." - BlanketDenial

#herman bearing #bears and nazis are not porn

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An escalator can never break--it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.'

Mitch Hedberg (from probably the funniest comment thread I've seen this week)

#daily absurdistan #escalator to heaven

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CLICK TO MAKE SOME MUSIC

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It will never be able to wear jorts, either. It is our loss.

T-Rex Trying To Put On A Cardigan

#TRexTrying

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I look forward to "Fotoshop by Adobé" for men.

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"The use of coupling in probability theory goes back at least as far as the beautiful proof by Doeblin of the ergodic theorem for Markov chains." - Probability on Graphs

It's not often you see the word "coupling" in a mathematical monograph. Bring it, 2012.

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Shit White Girls Say…to Black Girls (via Chescaleigh) Born and raised in the suburbs, this video is basically my life story in 2 minutes. Throw me a reblog if you can relate.

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The Beckhams have returned to Mother England, looking very casual. (Harper’s still not keen on shoes, I see.)

In the spirit of the holidays, I shall put aside my differences with Harper Beckham and not rejoice in the fact that these dear friends of mine are on another continent right now.

I will also, very politely, link you to this scientific assessment of celebrity children and our spheres of influence.

Spoiler alert: I beat Harper for first.

We’re friends.

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Many algorithms require random number generators to work. For instance, locality sensitive hashing requires one to compute the random projection matrix P in order to compute the hashes z = P x. Likewise, fast eigenvalue solvers in large matrices often rely on a random matrix, e.g. the paper by Halko, Martinsson and Tropp, SIAM Review 2011

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LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE. YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP POSTING QUOTES ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT VERIFICATION. YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY MAKE SURE THE QUOTE IS AN ACTUAL QUOTE AND NOT AMENDED, WARPED, OR PATENTLY FALSE. YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE THE SOURCE IS CORRECT. YOU CAN’T JUST SEE A STRING OF PRETTY WORDS AND THEN SPREAD THEM LIKE SOME SORT OF VIRUS THROUGH MILLIONS OF LAZY, IMPRESSIONABLE BLOGGERS SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO -AT THE VERY LEAST- GOOGLE IT. CHECKING IN AN ACTUAL BOOK WOULD BE FAR TOO DIFFICULT FOR YOU. I KNOW YOU’RE JUST ‘TUMBLING’ OR ‘TWEETING’ OR WHATEVER, BUT DO YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING? A REPORTER IS ONLY AS GOOD AS HIS SOURCE? IT’S LIKE THAT. YOUR CREDIBILITY IS AT STAKE, AND YOU ARE MAKING THE WORLD STUPIDER.

WHO SAID THAT THING ABOUT REPORTERS?

OSCAR WILDE.

IT’S PRETTY SMART.

OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU. 

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storynotesfromhell:

I was doing an outline of a horror story where the main character was a deranged and mentally ill man who became an axe murderer. The story executive had this to add:

Exec: We have to make him likable.

Me: He’s an axe murderer.

Exec: He still needs to be likable.

Me: Maybe he shouldn’t be an axe murderer?

Exec: No, that’s fine, but he’s gotta have likable features.

Me: Well—

Exec: How about he has a cat that follows him around as he kills people? People love cats, and the cat can be his best friend or something?

Me: Maybe he saves someone’s life, or helps someone—

Exec: No, let’s give him a cat.

#killer, #movie, #hollywood #film

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tmills:

Jean-Paul the stingray has a lazy eye.

Astra the stoat has no idea how to assemble the Ikea furniture she just bought. (She’s drunk on Swedish meatballs.)

Edwin the goat is a secret anti-Semite.

Pauline the sugar glider is awkward at parties.

Cyclops the X-Man feels dejected whenever Jean Grey makes out with Wolverine.

Cyclops is clearly a X-woman. She's menstruating out of her head vagina.

Animals Drawn Poorly on Cocktail Napkins With Lasers Shooting Out of Their Eyes - Series Two

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just look at one of the greatest teams ever assembled: the 2006 World Champion St. Louis Cardinals. That team had David Eckstein, Yadier Molina, So Taguchi, and Aaron Miles. That's a Jew [sic], a Mexican [sic], a Chinaman [sic], and a regular American. It was a variable [sic] "League of Nations" of doing the little things. They hustled like all get out, they bunted all the time, and they weren't afraid to move the runner over.

Josh "Randy" Sullivan (in an interview with sbnation. In case the name doesn't ring a bell, he's the patriot in this picture)

#amurrica! #moron moran tomayto tomahto #get a brain morans

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Henson knew that the feeling of realism does not require verisimilitude or loveliness, but rather the movement of life—constant movement of body and voice. You can close your eyes and watch episode after episode of "Fraggle Rock" without ever becoming confused about what's going on, because the voices of the characters pull you through. Likewise, you can watch a Muppets dance routine without sound and be just as delighted by the countless little touches that animate it—a syncopated head bob here, a hammy grin there. What matters in the Muppet universe isn't perfection, but expression. Dancing across the screen, they embody the philosophy that it is not what you look like that matters, but what you do.

Elizabeth Stevens (on The Muppets in one of  the most astounding pieces of cultural criticism I have read this year.)

#muppets #cultural criticism

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The kid was in mid-air, flying. He just looked like a Spartan from that movie '300,' except he was a banana.

Brandon Parham (Manager of the Strongsville, OH Wireless Center on the banana at large after attacking a gorilla)

#bananana (du duu~~ du du du~~) #I was expecting zombies not killer bananas