justchattingtobesane

[justchattingtobesane]

First day of The Cry Baby Diet

I have done a little of I before but now I’m a actually doing it completely

Do threaten me to actually follow through with it🥰

The only thing I actually won’t be able to do the the jogging, but the steps I can reach since I’m a student and walk from campus to campus often.

#@n0r3xia #disordered eating thoughts #ana meal #ana rant #@na trigger #ana tricks #ana trigger #tw ana diary

[justchattingtobesane]

I have this idea

I saw someone say on here that

“If your not hungry enough to eat something you hate then you aren’t hungry”

And I couldn’t agree more

So I’ve been thinking about only having bananas as a snack/food option

(I fucking hate bananas, they make me hurl)

If I wouldn’t eat a banana then I won’t eat at all

#disordered eating thoughts #@n0r3xia #ana rant #ana meal #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating

[justchattingtobesane]

A little tip if you want to trigger yourself in public without going into tumblr

Look at clothes in SHEIN

Especially crop tops or anything popular in Asia

Trust me

It works

#disordered eating thoughts #@n0r3xia #ana trigger #ana rant #ana meal #@na trigger

[justchattingtobesane]

I genuinely needed this and I love how it’s set up, I start from the beginning and go down to the next step each time it doesn’t work

#ana meal #ana trigger #pro a4a #ed not ed sheeran #mealsp0 #tw ana diary #ana tricks #@ed #@na trigger #a4a motivation

[justchattingtobesane]

I went to my parents house and I asked her to give me the amount of food she thought I should have, that woman has always criticized what I eat and always tried to make me be on a diet and eat less.

I thought that she would give me a small amount of food but she gave me so much.

I’m such a weak cunt and I ate the whole damn thing, I’m never asking her to give me food ever again.

From now on I’ll just give my own portions or I’ll just eat everything on the damn plate like a 🐷

Oink oink am I right

#disordered eating thoughts #@n0r3xia #tw eating issues #tw restrictive ed

[justchattingtobesane]

A random thought I had is that if you $tarv3 yourself and become very $kinny

You will save money on

Food

Aaaaaand

Buying clothes since you won’t gain шeight AND YOU WILL NOW LOOK GOOD IN EVERYTHING NOW

#disordered eating thoughts #@n0r3xia #ana rant #ana tricks

[justchattingtobesane]

Me and my boyfriend confronted our mutual friends today, it did go OK…. I don’t know what that means, though, I guess it went good.. I still did feel like I was going a little crazy. Me, and my therapist have been talking about how I overreact a lot when it comes to things that irritate me or just genuinely makes me mad. Our conversation was about being late and stuff, I’m not going into detail, but we did end up, resolving it somewhat.

The conversation was a very “Mie versus them mentality”, it was me, my boyfriend, our friend, and our other friend, who coincidentally is friend number 1’s partner. I took the role of the main speaker in me and my boyfriends group and I was called out because I was talking for him, I didn’t mean to ignore his feelings it’s just that he likes to think before he says anything and I don’t need to take that long before I have something to say. This made me a little mad and a little sad and of course a tiny bit irritated because no one knows my boyfriend better than me. I did, of course ask my boyfriend how he felt about it, and he agreed that what I did wasn’t wrong like I said, no one knows him better than me.

Halfway through the conversation, I started to realize that I had become very warm in the face, and then I was a bit more heated than I normally should be. I sometimes pointed to myself by my chest to further a point, and I felt my heart beat extremely fast, it’s not supposed to do that, not that fast at least.

I realized how heated I was and began to look at what I was saying, and realized that maybe I was in wrong and I was overreacting. Then proclaimed to the group that I was the reason this conversation was happening, and that I was going crazy and therefore we just end the conversation because we’re not getting anywhere. I apologized for being reactive and said that I didn’t mean any of what I said even if I did. My boyfriend, then started to say that I wasn’t going crazy that I was actually doing quite well in this conversation, and even the other two people of the group mentioned that it was fine. I had to put some cold water on my face to relax, but I didn’t realize why the group was telling me that I wasn’t in the wrong..

I didn’t know if I was in the wrong or not but we were done with a conversation later on and then we played a game together. When we were done my boyfriend drove me home. That’s the moment I suddenly wanted to self harm, I genuinely thought that this was the end of my friendship with these two people and I felt extremely bad because it was all my fault. I didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I just thought that I had to live through it or maybe even go into my old habits I decided to do what my boyfriend always said I should do which was to call him.

I called him and he explained to me how he actually thought I did quite well in the conversation, how I didn’t overreact how I didn’t yell or get too irritated. I didn’t show my emotions that much, and rather kept myself and kept on topic of the conversation. He said the only time that the people in the group thought I was going crazy when I proclaimed that I was going crazy. He even said that he didn’t mind that I was talking for him and that the only time he thought anyone in the group was being stupid was that person that said I was being an asshole for talking for my boyfriend.

This conversation made me at ease, I asked him about he was certain that I wasn’t going crazy in the conversation and he was just saying it, so I was just stop thinking about self harming, and that if he in fact was lying, then he should tell me later that he was lying so I can fix how I’m behaving. But he did tell me that he, in fact thought I was quite good in the conversation and that he’s not lying. I loved how this conversation went, not the friends but with my partner, he is a really good boyfriend and he helps me relax quite well. I enjoy his company very much and I love him a lot too . 

I just wish I didn’t go straight to wanting to self harm when I feel sad….

[justchattingtobesane]

Anyhow, let's start with the basic thing, yes I have started university and it is scary. I have this friend whom we will call L and they are very cool, I am scared they might be mad at me at the moment and I do not know why. This was how they reacted right after I had met their friend. We hung out and ate together, it was an ok hangout. Sure I did not enjoy it that much, but I did not think they did not enjoy it either.

I had my exams and they went very badly, my first one was quite easy and the two others went very badly. I am okay with getting an F since I can just take the exam again at a later date and I feel this was a learning curve. I am completely new to how university systems work. I do not have a hand to hold on to and just need to understand everything on my very own.

Mentally I do not know how I have it as many things have changed. Without going into themes that would take a decade to explain, I would rather like to talk about how my therapist will be quitting.

He was very good at his work and I believed he would stay forever. I guess all good things must end. I do have his number so if I need to talk to a professional very badly then I could just call him.

I have been sent over to another department, but I need to be accepted before I am even allowed to go to a therapist there. Another negative is how I will have to pay for every time I want to talk to a professional. I just feel like my mental health is held up on whether I have income or not. I am a broke uni student; how will I afford that?

[justchattingtobesane]

Let's start with some new introductions and I will work from there

Hi, I am a 19-year-old girl who lives in Europe and will use this as a kind of digital diary. I have become a bit more stable, but I might sometimes break and have outbursts of emotion (examples you can see below). I go to a university in my first year and am trying to get my English bachelor.

I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, binge eating disorder, and hallucinations. I also have a very big problem with anger but I have come a very long way in stabilizing that anger and making it into something controllable.

Writing my emotions and or what I think down will make me understand my feelings better, and having an audience (chance for an audience) will make people understand how people like me think. Many of the things I have written seem completely alien to me, and I think that shows a small hint of progression.

I do not expect anyone to read this blog, but if you do and also need someone to talk to, I am always there 😊

[justchattingtobesane]

A well needed update

It’s been over a year since I last updated, and it is going to be a very mentally challenging task to explain everything in one huge post. I therefore will be making smaller posts here and there talking about what has happened with me and my awful fucking life and existence.

[justchattingtobesane]

You don’t realize how much you love someone

Until you are about to lose them

[justchattingtobesane]

My family found out about everything

I’m going to kill my self

[justchattingtobesane]

I am going to be honest

I want to cry

I want to self harm

And

I want to die

[justchattingtobesane]

I feel so disgusting and gross

I filth

I such a gross person

I’m disgusting

[justchattingtobesane]

It’s my birthday

Im officially 18 years old

That’s weird to say

God

I fr thought I’d kill my self at the age of 16

Idk what to do with my life

[justchattingtobesane]

I want to self harm so bad but I can’t

I want to kill everyone around me

I want to die

[justchattingtobesane]

I’m soon 18

God I don’t want to grow up this fast

I genuinely can’t with this

I never thought that id live this far

I thought id die when I was 16

And now I’m soon 17

I still want to die

I want to kill myself