jxxseyn-blog

[jxxseyn-blog]

I started watercolor and drawing in general again

It’d be kind of exaggerating if I said that I haven’t drew for a year. I did doodle once in a while, but it’s never a finished one. In my drawing folders, I separated the folders by year. There is literally nothing in 2017. Hahaha. I never saved anything I doodled. Never liked any of them. I’ve been dealing with drawing issues since… 2015 I guess? I remember clearly everything started from the portfolio class in college. Back then a lot of things happened, and that was when everything started going downhill. It started small, and then grew bigger and bigger to the point I couldn’t handle anything and decided to stop. I wish I could stop entirely, but old habits (or in this case, hobby) die hard I guess?

Drawing is the only thing I have and can, after all.

I used to draw manually a lot. Sketching. Linearting. Then scanned it and collected it on my laptop folders. Yes, I never color manually. I used to color my manual drawings on photoshop, using my laptop fingerpad. Boy, that was a lotsa efforts there. Hahaha. Getting tired with fingerpad, I started saving money and bought my pen tablet around year 2013. From there, I started to draw digitally and never touched pencil and paper again.

On around July, I went to @sketsapulangkerja (translated: sketch after work) for the first time. I didn’t know why I decided to went. I really didn’t know why would I thought meeting with strangers to draw together was a good idea to spent my time hahaha. I thought maybe by seeing people who draw and actually love drawing would motivate me and shit. So yeah. Anyway, @sketsapulangkerja is a weekly event where people gathered and drew in one place. They do this event on every Wednesday in 5 cities, one of them is in my city, Bekasi. I’ve done this kind of thing once at Jakarta, different event (it’s called ngumbar, the event was made by a friend, an impromptu one), so this was my second time meeting and drawing with strangers. My first experience at Jakarta was good, the people were really fun and nice. I thought I’d be relaxed a bit with @sketsapulangkerja, but no. I. Was. Scared. As hell. I always have issue with socializing. I will never get used meeting with new people, moreover I had to draw together with them. Hahaha. I’ll be honest, the first time I went to @sketsapulangkerja, I didn’t enjoy it at all. I was anxious, nervous, not comfortable. Maybe because @sketsapulangkerja has been around for months, some people already knew each other, so I feel like an outsider. Also the people there, they are super talented and all, compared to them, my drawing (made by someone who hasn’t drew for months) looks miserable. So I feel two times shittier lol.

But then again I’ve lost everything, I have no more to lose, so like a big loser I am, I joined again the next few weeks.

The second time felt a little better, and then here was the time I started trying watercolor. It was a friend’s. I watched her doing some watercolor art and then I got curious, so she told me to try using her tools. I never used watercolor before (I used poster color for assignments), and so it was my first time using one. It feels… weird. Yet fun. It was really different than digital. Yeah I know I am old, a bit too old to get excited using watercolor but I can’t help it!! I didn’t really did proper drawing, I just stroked here and there, playing with the feel. After that I felt like I talked a lot more than before, and had a really good time chatting with everyone. I went home feeling giddy.

It’s been a very long time since I felt like that.

I thought I won’t enjoy this anymore, you know. I thought nothing about drawing would excite me anymore. I know this sounds super emo, but I really went through hard times because of this. Been contemplating a lot with myself, shutting myself and everything.

Who knows meeting with new people in new place, something that I really dislike, is actually the thing that could change my perspective again.

Of course I won’t be naive and went all idealist, flaunting here and there about how drawing is my passion and dream blah blah blah hahaha. Some things don’t mean to be, after all.

Anyway, the picture above is my very first watercolor attempt. It’s super soft and you could tell how I am still scared trying things with watercolor hahaha. Oh well. Baby steps, baby steps.

#drawing #personal

[jxxseyn-blog]

uh

I know.

I know this is like my 4th tumblr and my 83272408th attempt to tried blogging.

But honestly, I just want to have a safe blog that I could show to public without being embarrassed. You know, pretentious, but also still a bit of me.

Just like I said before, this is my fourth active (hopefully) tumblr. The other three are for fandom business, shitpost memes, and private journal (super dark, very emotional, 0/100 not recommended). And just like I said before too, this is not the first time I tried making a semi-personal blog. Last year I tried to make one on blogspot, hoping I could use it for review and sharing and stuffs, and of course it ended up abandoned right after one post.

But then again after all this time, it turns out I feel comfortable the most when I am on tumblr. I have been on this dumb site since 2010 and I have tried all sorts of blogging platform but only my tumblr account stays lol. As much as cringy this place is, I should admit tumblr still wins the efficiency of blogging.

I still have no idea what am I going to do in here. And most likely would never figure out. Probably just some dumb random talks and friendly vent (since problematic vent goes to the other account bahaha). Soooo yeah, let’s see how long I will continue to write here.

#personal