kaika7

[kaika7]

You're Not Alone

Despair Disease Nagito Komaeda x Shy/Awkward and GN! Reader

Summary: You visit Nagito Komaeda when he's ill with the Despair Disease and make sure he feels loved and not alone.

Warnings: Discussions of dying (no one actually dies!)

A/N: This is my first fic, so it's likely far from ideal. I hope you still get something out of this though!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You anxiously made your way to the hospital with Hajime and Fuyuhiko. Ever since Akane, Nagito, and Ibuki fell ill with the despair disease, you all decided to split into two groups to prevent it from spreading to everyone. Originally, just Hajime, Fuyuhiko, and Mikan were going to stay at the hospital with them, but you insisted on joining their group. Everyone was a little surprised by your insistence, but they went along with it. 

In truth, you were really worried about Nagito. Sure, he was a little scary before- especially during the first class trial. But, you couldn’t help but sense there was more to him beneath the surface. 

As you had tried to talk to him, he seemed quite delighted that you wanted to spend time with him. His face would light up every time you came by.

“Wow, I can’t believe someone like you wants to talk with trash like me!” He beamed with a cheery face.

Over time, he began to open up to you about his past, and you learned about his luck cycle. He had a beloved pet dog that got hit by a truck and passed away, but the dog allowed him to experience the joy of love and companionship. His parents died in a plane hijacking, but he survived, gained his independence, and a large inheritance. He was kidnapped by a serial killer and thrown in a dumpster, but he won millions of yen in a lottery ticket he found inside. He was diagnosed with stage three lymphoma and frontotemporal dementia, but he was accepted into Hope’s Peak academy. This caused Nagito to believe that if a horrific event happens, something amazing of equal magnitude will happen and vice versa. That’s where his belief in hope came from.

Despite his easygoing outward composure, you couldn’t help but sense a deep anxiety constantly brooding within him. Wherever he went with you, he would constantly be analyzing the terrain and the activities you’d be engaging in to make sure you’d be safe. He wouldn’t even go swimming with you because he casually said you could be taken away by a rip tide and stuck at the bottom of the ocean…. And then be eaten by a shark.

After learning all of this and seeing the way he treated you, you couldn’t help but sympathize with him…. and start to develop feelings for him. You were beginning to understand him more; he was not the malicious person others labeled him as. He did some questionable things for sure, but he did them with good intentions. Plus, his frontotemporal dementia was clouding his judgement, making him take things further than he normally would have. 

Yesterday, you went for a walk on the beach with him. His eyes constantly scanned the sand and occasionally darted to the water, as if he was looking for any sharp objects or crustacean that could injure you. When you sat down under the palm trees, he checked the trunk and branches to make sure it was sturdy and not going to break and fall. He also checked for any loose coconuts. Once he felt it was safe, he took a seat next to you.

“…I…” He stuttered, not looking at you. He just stared out into the ocean. “I’ve always been alone… never had anyone’s love. Not that I deserve it, but…I’m just so scared to die alone.” He stayed silent for a bit, and you were just speechless. You wanted to tell him so badly that he’ll never be alone. That you love him. You’ll stay by his side, but you just froze in the moment. The words in your mind could not make their way to your lips.

Sensing the silence, he quickly retracted his previous statement. “Ah, that was just a quote I read in a book somewhere! Speeches such as those can surely evoke sympathy in others, right?” His lips curved to form a plastic smile.

You could see right through his excuse, but before you could say anything, he apologized for “wasting your precious time” and left.

And now, you are going to visit him in the hospital with Hajime and Fuyuhiko. His lymphoma already made him so weak to begin with, but this despair disease really put his body over the edge. You really wondered if this would be the end for him.

“How’s everyone doing?” Fuyuhiko asked Mikan. 

“Akane and Ibuki are still ill, but they are stable. Nagito, on the other hand, is in quite a precarious state.” Mikan explained solemnly. “His pulse is so weak, and I’ve been tending to him nearly non-stop for the past day.”

“May we see him?” Hajime asked Mikan.

“Of course, but he’s not awake.” Mikan guided them to Nagito’s room and let them in. Nagito lay motionless in the bed in his hospital gown. His face was even paler than normal and he had a mildly pained expression on his face. Beads of sweat were formed on his forehead, and his chest rose and fell shallowly.

Your heart sank seeing him like this. Your anxieties only grew seeing just how badly he was doing. “Mikan, do you think he’ll make it through the night?” You solemnly asked.

“I-I will make sure I take care of him properly all night, so he will be okay!” Mikan squeaked out. “But…” Her voice grew more slow and serious. “It is possible that he won’t pull through, despite my best efforts. So… you may want to take a few minutes with him now.”

Fuyuhiko and Hajime stepped by Nagito’s bedside.

Fuyuhiko crossed his arms and looked down. “Goddammit, man. I know you are a pain in the ass, but we can’t have anymore people dying, ya hear me? We’re all getting off this damn island, and that includes you.” After he finished speaking, he abruptly turned around and walked out still looking down.

Hajime watched Fuyuhiko leave with a pained expression and took a deep breath before facing Nagito. “Nagito, I know things have been weird, but you gotta pull through, okay? Like Fuyuhiko said, we’re getting out of here together. And once you feel better, I-I want to try to understand you better.” Hajime let out a soft chuckle and a genuine smile. “Maybe we could even become friends.” 

Hajime started to slowly walk out, but he noticed your eyes welling with tears. “Hey… do you need a moment alone with him? I know you guys seem sorta close.”

You silently nodded your head. You definitely couldn’t talk with everyone around.

“Hey, Mikan. Do you think we can give Y/N a few minutes alone with Nagito?”

“Let me see…” Mikan quickly checks his vital signs and dabs the sweat off his forehead with a towel. “His fever is still high, and his pulse is still very low, but I suppose he doesn’t need me to tend to him for a few moments.” She looked up at you. “I can give you a few minutes, but if anything strange happens, please call me in, okay?”

You nod and Hajime and Mikan walk out of the room, closing the door behind them and leaving you alone with Nagito.

You stepped closer to his bedside and pulled over a chair so you could sit beside him. He looked worse close up. His hair even more disheveled than normal, and several strains of it stuck to the dried up sweat on his forehead. His eyebrows were furrowed with discomfort, and his lips were slightly parted as small gasps of air struggled to rhythmically flow between them.

You gently held his hand and looked at his shut eyes. “Nagito… I don’t think you can really hear or understand me right now… but I want you to know that I’m here.” You pause and nervously laugh to yourself. “I’m sorry I don’t always know what to say. It’s hard for words to come out sometimes. But, I hope you can at least feel the warmth of my hand and recognize my presence.” You took a shaky breath. “Please, please know that you will never be alone. I-I really love you, Nagito.”

You gave his hand a light squeeze, and put it over your heart. “I have to leave soon. But, please know that even if I’m not physically beside you, you will always be right here with me.”

Nagito remained unresponsive throughout this conversation, but fortunately his breaths remained constant. You sighed and rested his hand back along his side. Then, you began to get up. “I… I won’t say good bye tonight… You will make it through this! I’ll come visit you in the morning. I promise. I’ll see you soon…” 

You turned around and left the room, and Mikan immediately went back in to tend to Nagito. You, Hajime, and Fuyuhiko went back to your cottages with heavy hearts- hoping for the best.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You could barely sleep a wink all night, but you did manage to dose off for a little bit. You woke up to the sound of knocking on your cottage door. Groggily making your way to the door, you unlocked it and opened it a crack. Seeing it was Hajime, you opened it more and instantly woke up. With desperation in your tone, you quickly stammered, “H-Hi! Did you hear anything about Nagito?”

Hajime reassuringly smiled. “Yes, I came by to let you know Nagito’s condition has improved! Well, a little bit, anyway. He’s still not in good shape, but he can sit up in bed and talk now- though he says quite bizarre things…” He forced a chuckle and shrugged his shoulders. “You could try visiting him if you’d like, but I just saw him and he told me to hurry up and go away. He even said that he didn’t want to see my face anymore.” Hajime exasperatedly sighs.

You stood there dumbfounded for a minute, but adrenaline quickly rushed through your veins. “Hajime, you LEFT him after he said that?! I-I have to go now!!!”

You sprinted out the door, still in your pajamas, towards the hospital as Hajime turned around and watched you run with a confused look. Geez, this guy sure has a serious case of the clueless protagonist syndrome! Nagito has the liar form of the despair disease, which means he means the opposite of everything he says. The poor thing must be so scared of dying alone.

Finally making it to the hospital, you opened the door to his room with a wheeze. “N-Nagito. H-how are you? May I come in?”

Nagito did indeed look better than last night. His he was drooling a bit and still sweaty, but he was now propped up in bed with a glazed look in his eyes. He turned his head in response to your voice and said weakly, “I’m feeling quite excellent today! And I really need you to get as far away from me as possible. I want to be alone.”

You felt a pit form in your stomach. He certainly had improved, but he was not out of the woods yet. You walked closer to his bedside and looked compassionately at him. “I’m here, Nagito. I’m right here with you.” 

Upon looking at him more closely, your eyes drifted unconsciously to where his hospital gown loosely was wrapped around him, leaving his collar bones and upper chest exposed. Seeing his bare chest slowly rise and fall in synchronization with his breaths made your cheeks flush and your mind freeze. You were pretty inexperienced with love to say the least, so these feelings are hard for you to process.

Nagito began speaking again which made you snap out of your frozen state. “Y/N, I didn’t hear what you said to me yesterday. You’re a nasty person for not thinking about someone like me, Y/N.”

Holy crap, he actually HEARD YOU? He heard your love confession?! That has got to be the worst way to be confessed to. Ugh way to go, Y/N.

With a shaky voice, you began, “Oh, I- er… I’m sorry you had to hear it like that… But I really meant everything I said. I-I’ll never leave you alone, and-” You paused to take a nervous breath. “I love you…”

An ounce of focus and shock came through Nagito’s dazed eyes. “Really? I thought you were telling me the truth just to be mean to me?”

With a slightly more confident tone, you said, “No, I wasn’t just saying it to make you feel better… I really do love you. I’m so sorry about the other day. I was just so shocked, and I didn’t know what to say right away.”

Nagito sat there stunned for a moment, and his eyes slowly started to well with tears. “I-I hate you too, Y/N. You’re the most despicable and malicious person I’ve ever met. I have zero gratitude for the love you’ve shown me, and you’re so awful for letting me die alone. I truly deserve it.”

Your eyes grew wide in surprise as a gentle blush spread across your face. After a few moments, tears formed in your own eyes. You could barely believe that he reciprocated your feelings, but you pushed your own insecurities aside to focus on supporting him. “Nagito… may I hold your hand?”

He shook his head ‘No’, so you gently squeezed his hand. “You will get better. You won’t die here today. There’s always hope, remember?” You gave him a little smirk, which made a smile crack on his face. “But even if the worst does come, you won’t be alone. I’ll repeat myself a thousand times: I’ll always be with you. You’re not alone.”

At this point, the tears were already profusely streaming down Nagito’s face, so you grabbed a tissue to dab them away for him. “Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“I know this is truly a selfless request- I’m so wonderful for even thinking to ask this- but c-could you not hold me?”

You blinked in disbelief. “You want me to cuddle you, right now?”

“No, that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do in the world. But I’m truly considerate for even asking you this. I’m so not sorry for taking advantage of you like this, I-“

Mustering up all the confidence you could, you cut Nagito off by pulling his blanket down, and then climbing into the bed with him. You laid down next to him and gestured for him to lie down. With a shocked look, he quickly complied. You gently held him close to you, letting his head rest over your heart. You stroked his soft and fluffy white hair comfortingly, hoping to ease him of any discomfort.

“Y/N…” Nagito said with a blush forming on his face. The sound of your heart beat and the warmth of your embrace was so soothing to him. He was so touched starved, he didn’t even remember the last time he was hugged. He never had experienced anything like this before.

“I’m here, and I always will be. You’re not alone, Nagito.”

#nagito x reader #nagito komaeda #nagito x y/n #nagito komeada x reader #nagito x gn reader #hajime hinata #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #mikan tsumiki #danganronpa #danganronpa 2 #sdr2