kappapappapappa-blog

[kappapappapappa-blog]

dxrkqueenlilith‌:

“Whichever the case is, the bitch is done for. And frankly, I don’t care for her noise so I’m going to speed up the digestion process a bit.” 

Lilith placed her hands around her stomach and began squeezing. As she did so, Reimu screamed even louder from the pain before she was ultimately killed by the stomach acids consuming her. The cracking of bones followed and eventually, Lilith’s stomach was completely flat.

“And it’s over.” Lilith said as she picked up Reimu’s former tea cup and took a sip. “She’s mine now. Forever. I must say though, her memories are a bit of a bore. Here’s to hoping her abilities are a tad more impressive.” 

“Damn... that’s some kind of weight loss secret you got there.” Or it was the magic stomach, but she was pretty sure it was just the devil’s secret weight loss program. Not gonna lie, it was kinda hot. It was like her stomach was a Quick Chop, and that flatchested bitch was the veggies getting all minced up. And her bones being snapped? Mmmm, the sound was mouthwateringly delicious!

And it was really getting her hungry. And horny. 

“You know... seeing that Reimu’s finally gone and all... I’ve always wanted to defile the shrine. Just have a nasty fuck session in every room, just taint the place with youkai cum. Wanna have a little fun with me~?”

#dxrkqueenlilith

[kappapappapappa-blog]

dxrkqueenlilith‌:

“Rule 2. Strike first.” She said as she vanished and sounds of combat could be heard from inside the building.

And screaming. Followed by muffled screaming and then … silence. 

Out of the shadows of the room walked Lilith and her stomach, well, it looked like it housed a person. In fact, it did. A certain shrine maiden who had to be removed.

“She didn’t taste as nearly as good as I thought she would. Way too bitter.” She stuck her tongue out and made a gagging motion. “Maybe exploding her would have been the better choice. Too late now though. Not about to give up my lunch.” 

She poked her stomach, which was currently moving a lot thanks to Reimu’s struggles from within. You could hear a faint mumbling from within. A mumbling that was far quieter than the previous screaming. Seems the poor girl was losing her strength.

“See. My stomach cancels out powers. So even if you wanted to escape, you can’t. Oh and, don’t expect a happy afterlife. Those I eat don’t get to move on. You’ll forever be part of me. Don’t worry though, I’ll put your abilities to good use.” 

Damn. She got her there. It was practically over before it even started. “Damn,” she muttered, “I wanted to at least get a shot in.” Soon enough, though, the sounds of pummeling were replaced by lots of screaming... and then silence. 

Wait, no! That’s the sound of forgiveness! Did they reconcile? Did that bitch turn her new evil overlady over to her side?? She didn’t have enough Flex Tape to fix that kind of social damage!

No wait. Lilith’s fine. By the looks of it, she’d managed to swallow Reimu whole. Which she had to admit... kinda kinky. Swallowing whole really wasn’t her usual brand, but hey, it worked in this situation. Kind of a shame though that she didn’t get a taste. Shrine Maidens are supposedly super delicious when prepared with Hungry-man TV dinners.

“Well she’s just a flatchested bitch, so of course she tasted bitter,” she said to her dark master, covering her jealousy with a bit too much haughtiness.

#dxrkqueenlilith

[kappapappapappa-blog]

dxrkqueenlilith‌:

“Rule 1 of being my slave. Don’t interrupt my daydreaming.” Lilith said as she slapped Nitori upside the head. “Now then. Let’s go.”

She placed a hand on Nitori’s shoulder and suddenly they were standing in front of the shrine.

“Never underestimate my speed.” She said as she casually walked forward and kicked down the door.

“Oi! Shrine Maiden! Want to come out and play?” 

“Okay, okay, I get it, I won’t-”

Instantaneously her surroundings changed. It felt a lot less like she had moved and a lot more like everything else had moved around her. 

“-do that again.”

She paused briefly, trying to process what the fuck just happened there. And then the Handy Switch flipped the light on in her head- of course she could move that fast, she was the devil. A role like that had to come with some perks aside from making really stylish contracts. 

Nevertheless, it was time to do a murder. Time to finally rid the world of Reimu.

She cocked her gun and stood in wait, eyes narrowing as the door began to crack open...

#dxrkqueenlilith

[kappapappapappa-blog]

dxrkqueenlilith‌:

“Now I just gotta figure out what I’m going to do to her.”

She could eat her. That was always an option. Take her place for a few years. Lure the populace into a false sense of security. And then destroy them all. Yeah. That might be fun. But what about all those gods attached to her? Wouldn’t they notice? Well. Even if they did, it’s not like they could stop her.

And what of Yukari and that Judge? They might try to get revenge. Well if that was the case, she’d just call Jack. That man was always willing to get his hands dirty. Especially if it meant cracking a couple skulls. Then again, she could just eat the two. Take their places as well. It’d be easy with the cloning skill she picked up from eating a some random-ass ninja who crossed her path. Poor girl didn’t know what hit her. Or, well, ate her. But either way, it certainly opened up a few new options for the devil.

“Oh I just can’t wait~.”  

“...Hey... you there? Hey. Hey. Hey.”

Jesus Christ Superstar, how long could this woman stare out into space? “Hey. I thought we ere gonna go a do a murder. You’ve been staring into space salivating for the last ten minutes.” She pointed toward a red bucket that was collecting the pool of drool dripping down the devil’s chin. Though there was something a bit off about the bucket... it was filled almost completely by a black tar-like substance. 

“Thankfully I had my bucket coated in Flex Seal, or else you might’ve caused serious damage to my floor.”

#dxrkqueenlilith

[kappapappapappa-blog]

SEYMOURRRRRRRRRRRR

“SEYMOUR BUTTS.”

#Anonymous

[kappapappapappa-blog]

dxrkqueenlilith‌:

“Well. You’re about as bright as a dead lightbulb.” She said as she suddenly grabbed Nitori by the hair and lifted her off the ground. “You basically just made yourself my slave. Should really read the fine print. Don’t worry though. I’m not gonna kill you. Just know that if you ever disobey me, well. Let’s just say that you’ll wish you never signed the damn thing.” 

She let go of the other and turned around.

“Now then. Shall we go dispose of that shrine maiden?” 

“Wha- ouch, my hair! Do you know how much L'Oréal I have to go through to keep my hair this nice??” Wow. Dumb even when it’s being spelled out to her in plain English. Then again, maybe she didn’t care. She was already a slave to her landlady, in a way. Constantly late on her rent and all. Speaking of which, she had a few more calls from Lady Konngara to ignore since she was over a week late on this month’s rent. 

She smoothed out her hair once she was freed and nodded, lips curling in a smirk. Without another pause, she turned around and aimed a single shot from her gun at the wall, releasing a blast of concentrated water so potent it drilled a seamless hole right through the damn thing. “Yeah, lets go take care of her.” 

Konngara was gonna be so pissed that she damaged the apartment...

But killing Reimu would be well worth the fines.

#dxrkqueenlilith

[kappapappapappa-blog]

dxrkqueenlilith‌:

“I can kill her without effort.” Lilith said as she ran a hand through her hair. “She may have the power of the Gods, but there’s only one God that I fear and he’s none of those. Now then, guess we should get to the part everyone dreads.”

She pulled out a contract.

“Time for you to become bound to me. Perks include nothing, cons include everlasting torment. Only once you die of course. Great deal right? Of course it is. I’m the best.” 

She took the contract in her calloused hands and stared at it, for minutes on end. Was she reading it? Was there something in it that warranted so much attention? Nearly five minutes passed in silence before she smiled and pulled out a pen, casually signing the document with out a care.

“I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong!”

Not that helpful, given that she hadn’t understood a single word of the legalese in the document. The only word she really got out of that was ‘The’.

#dxrkqueenlilith

[kappapappapappa-blog]

“You think I’d be used to all these random interruptions...” she muttered to herself, sensing the arrival of devil once she oh so casually walked in. “I also swear I locked that door, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. Whatcha want?” It was kinda funny how well she was taking the home invasion- probably telling of the fact it’s happened more times than she would like to count. 

Before she was oh so rudely interrupted, she was fiddling with an old device of hers, something she’d built a few decades back. Couldn’t quite remember what it was, but she was pretty sure it was some kind of squirt gun. Now? It was much, much more than a squirt gun. She couldn’t wait to try it out. 

But looks like she has something much more interesting to work with now.

“So you say you can fix our problem? Yeah, there is a shrine maiden a lot of us youkai aren’t exactly thrilled about. She’s just this authoritative bitch that tries to impose her rules on everyone. last time she tried to introduce this whole Spellcard thing where all of our powers would get sealed up into some sort of Yugioh card. And as much as I’d enjoy a good game of Duel Monsters, I rather enjoy being able to use my abilities freely. So if you could like. Help me kill her or something. That would be nice.”

Then again, would it be worth giving this girl her eternal loyalty?

At least she was much hotter than the flat-chested bitch Reimu.

@kappapappapappa

“Sup Kappa?” Lilith said as she walked into the sad excuse for the house that the other owned. A chain was in her hand, a chain that she might use as a weapon. Though she didn’t seem threatening. At least at the moment.

“I heard you guys are having a problem. A problem with a pesky shrine maiden and her rules. I thought I might lend you a hand. Make her disappear. Forever.” 

She smiled at the other.

“Course. I won’t do it for free. I’m going to have to ask for your eternal loyalty, blah, blah, blah. You know how it goes. I’m the devil. I don’t do anything for free. Unless it’s a picnic. I’ll always host those for free.” 

#dxrkqueenlilith

[kappapappapappa-blog]

magister-ludicro‌:

“I’m glad to hear it! Also, if I may be frank. Your breasts are absolutely lovely. Do you drink a lot of milk?” 

“Ohh, these?” She gave them both a good squeeze, playing with them a little bit in front of her new employer. A very naughty thing to do, if she remembered those condom commercials properly. Though also very good if there happened to be a copy room nearby. Hmm. Maybe she should invest in glasses, a blouse, and pencil skirt- the sexy secretary look could fit her pretty well. 

“I drink lots of milk. A nice tall glass of that creamy liquid goes so well down my throat after a nice big bowl of Wheaties.” Breakfast cereal of champions. “Though they still aren’t the biggest. There must be something in the water. Pretty much every girl I know has massive tits, much bigger than the humans I see in the other world. And I can’t complain.”

“I love tits as much as anyone.”

#magisterludicro #magister-ludicro

[kappapappapappa-blog]

magister-ludicro‌:

“To start, I’ll pay you 300,000 Yen. And from there, I’ll pay you depending on the quality of the services you give me. If they’re less than satisfactory, you’ll get paid less. And if they’re really bad, I’ll end your life. Seems like a fair deal, right?”

The fact that he just casually threatened her life while still smiling was a bit unnerving to say the least.

“Sold! To the god with the bright smile~!”

Wait, what was that about ending her life?

Probably not important.

#magister-ludicro #magisterludicro

[kappapappapappa-blog]

mechanicallyunrealistic‌:

“Don’t worry, I’m not exactly normal myself. I’m probably the most normal acting abnormal person who lives in the current year.” Well… he’s wrong about that, at least compared to most individuals he’s around. “I’m fairly certain magic wielding humans are mythics last I checked, so yeah some aren’t what you’d call ‘normal’. Magic’s kind of a thing not even I’ve managed to use without my drones and armor.”

Ironically the object that she did present to him, claiming as anomalous, actually isn’t anomalous in nature. But considering the fact that he’s in foreign territory, and the fact that she seems kind enough. He’s not going to ruin her fun by explaining the fact that there’s a twenty-sided die floating within alcohol, inside the magic 8 balls.

It might take more than flex tape to fix the potential result for that. “Well, I’m mostly looking for regular scrap metal. Just something I could use in its default form or melt and recycle for what I have in mind. A sturdy metal will be fine and I’m willing to pay a good amount.”

Drones and armor? Oooo... those definitely sounded interesting. Maybe she should consider challenging him to a fight so she could see them in action. While certainly wouldn’t call herself the best fighter, she was definitely a pro when it came to building gear and gadgets that would help people fight more effectively. And it all conveniently fit into her backpack, along with all the Shamwows and Flex Tape she could ever need! Speaking of which, she had a few experiments to do with those. 

Which product really was the best seal? Just how much water would it take to break the tape or blast past the putty? These were important questions. 

Questions for her to deal with later.

“Ohh, that makes sense.” Hmmm now there’s a predicament. She was running low on scrap herself, so she could just show him her favorite spot, but was it really worth giving up that information? Her boss always said that information is worth more than money, though he always seems to look a little sweaty when he says it. And he always says it when it’s close to pay day. Not sure why.

“If you want to look through my stacks, I suppose I’d be willing to part with some of them if you can sweeten up the deal on my end.”

Ahhh, capitalism. Such a beautiful concept. Nothing quite beats the rush of a successful sale, not to mention the joy of doing her Dance of Capitalist Superiority every night. 

#mechanicallyunrealistic

[kappapappapappa-blog]

mechanicallyunrealistic‌:

“Likewise, miss Nitori.” As he extended his arm to firmly shake her hand in return, he noticed that she didn’t exactly know what he meant by ‘mythic’. Understandable considering they’re not exactly from the outside world. As he let go he then explains to the other what a mythic is.

“Mythic is just a term that we use to describe what you’d call ‘youkai’. In short being such as vampires, demons, gods. This name also applies to mythical objects like for example a magical relic. In short, if it’s paranormal, we consider it a mythic”

Needless to say he was lucky he didn’t play smash on the 3ds before the unexpected trip here, otherwise the sodium level might’ve been at just the right amount of salt. Or he’d be too salty, either way, good choice on his part.

But if there’s one thing he’s always wondered. How the hell did some of this stuff cross the anomalous border to get here? Unless there’s another annoying, space manipulating, portal creating individual or event. This theoretically shouldn’t be possible.

But considering the god that’s left him here in the first place and the bizarre nature of this land’s inhabitants. The answer is quite obvious.

“Hmm. If I’m paranormal, then you must find the entire world of Gensokyo paranormal. Pretty sure not even the humans in the village are normal. Some can cast magic, after all.” Wonder how they figured that out. Magic was like Greek to her, she couldn’t understand heads or tails of it. Though she did have a few magical artifacts...

“So something like this would be a mythic!” she answered him with a cheeky grin, pulling a black spherical object from a pouch on her belt. “My Lucky Eight Ball. Legends say that... if you shake it while answering a question... it will give you the answer you seek!” She used it to make all of her decisions. And she’d gotten it for such a great deal! Just $10! And she got two more for FREE. Well, she had to pay another $12 each in shipping and handling for the both of them, but she still got a really good deal!

Yeah... Maybe she didn’t have the best understanding of objects from the other world. She had managed to build a device that allowed her to get some channels from the human world on her TV in her apartment, but she didn’t realize that the only ‘shows’ she was getting were commercials. 

Seriously. Ask her what her favorite tv show. She’ll say the Billy Mays Hour.

“So whatcha up to anyway? People don’t normally walk into my workshop and start browsing around.”

#mechanicallyunrealistic

[kappapappapappa-blog]

magister-ludicro‌:

“My dear Nitori-chan. The fact that you thought I meant that in the first place means that you’re the one with your mind in the gutter.” He said with a small chuckle as he clasp his hands behind his back.

“No. I’m looking for a more professional partnership. One where you lend me your expertise and help upgrade that which I call home.” 

“Of course, I cannot allow your talent to fall into the hands of anyone else. So should you refuse … I may have to resort to some unfortunate measures.” 

Akiko, your Sariel is showing. 

“Me? Gutter? Noooo.” Noooooo. Of course not. Psh. Definitely not. Bssh. 

Okay maybe her mind really was in the gutter. Blame the fact she hasn’t seen anyone remotely cute enough to bang in damn near ten months. Not like she’d ever fuck that Reimu bitch. Definitely doesn’t have a Reimu body pillow she had commissioned... No.... definitely not. 

Alright Nitori, focus. So what if a cute guy doesn’t wanna fuck you. You still have that Fuckmaster 9000 you built. And cucumbers. You’ll always have-

Right, business partners. That made so much more sense than propositioning a stranger for sex. Not to mention he was hitting her with some heavy compliments. Calling her talented, an expert... she was unable to say no to people when they buttered her up like that.

Clearly people always meant these compliments and weren’t using them to force her to say yes. That scientist definitely meant it when he said she was the next Billy Mays. Definitely meant it when he said her machines were better than anything he’d ever seen. Definitely better than that phone booth he was always traveling in, for sure. Plus he said he’d pay her. Danryu only paid her in infomercial products. 

“I suppose I can lend you my services. How much money are we talking?”

Her ocean blue eyes transformed into emerald dollar signs- clearly he had pressed the right buttons to get her to do what he wanted. 

#magister-ludicro #magisterludicro

[kappapappapappa-blog]

Heh, this guy surely knew how to butter up. He was handing her compliments like Billy Mays hands out special offers. Ooo, note to self, she needed to get another shipment of Oxyclean. Tastes delicious on her Chicago-style pizza. Which is of course made out of 100% American-made meat. Collected from the corpses of only the best Chicago natives she could find. And it’s fresh, too.

Because she prepares it immediately after capturing her prey.

Turns out humans constantly fall for the dollar bill on a fishing line trick. 

Wait, what were they talking about? Oh yeah, herself. 

“I’m Nitori, pleasure to meet a fellow engineer,” she answered him, reaching out for a firm handshake. Maybe she wouldn’t eat this guy for trespassing in her workshop. “Not sure what ya mean by mythic, but I wouldn’t dare eat a fellow techie. Well. Not unless he provoked me. Or looked especially tasty.”

Nah, this Lepos guy looked like he needed more salt before he’d be remotely tasty. Or maybe she was just too full from eating those Lunchables earlier.

@kappapappapappa

“Best materials, huh? Perhaps around the area. But the fact that you can make some of the stuff out of scrap metal is an achievement not achieved by many.” Of course, while he himself is capable of such feats. It’s been… years since he’s had to do such. Having to scour through decommissioned machines in hopes of finding parts to make a contraption for self-defense. Thankfully his soul weapon, if you could call it a weapon, allowed for such machinations to be powered.

“Name’s Lepos, needless to say I’m not exactly of this place. Seeing as you’re a mythic, I hope to gods you’re not going to try killing me like a few individuals earlier.” The last thing he needed was another youkai attempting to completely murder him.

#mechanicallyunrealistic

[kappapappapappa-blog]

“This blog is now sponsored by Hetap.”

Mumble mumble, mumble.

“What?? I’m a hundred years old, I’m totally allowed to drink!!”

#headcanons

[kappapappapappa-blog]

magister-ludicro‌:

“Oh believe me. The outside world is overrated. At least from my perspective. It’s just so boring at times. It’s why I tend to travel to different universes and worlds a lot. They’re a lot more interesting.” 

He then clapped his hands.

“Ah. I forgot. I’m not a human. I’m a God. The God of Mimicry to be exact. You may be call me Akiko no Koizumi.” 

He appeared behind Nitori, moving at speeds that not many would be able to comprehend.

“And I quite like you. How would you like to form a partnership with me? I’ll pay you of course.”  

Other worlds? You mean, there was more out there than just Gensokyo and the the human world? Woah... she’s gonna need a Shamwow to clean up the mess he made by blowing her fucking mind. 

And he was some sort of God? Maaan. That’s like. The fourth god she’d ever met. Still kinda cool though. Wonder what kind of weird ass powers he’s got. Maybe something horribly convenient for solving one specific problem? or maybe controlling a concept. Speaking of which. Never play a game of poker with that Tenshi bitch. She’s waaaaay too lucky, it ain’t even fair.

Swear on her idol, Billy Mays, that bitch draws a Royal Flush on every hand. 

On a completely unrelated note, never bet your favorite wrench when playing poker. Totally didn’t lose it because she thought she could beat Tenshi. 

He blinked out of existence, and for the briefest moment she was confused why she was standing on the ground instead of collapsing to it. Someone couldn’t move that fast, right? Not fast enough to do all that in a a split second. His request was equally strange.

“A partnership?” She tilted her head to the side. “You trying to proposition me for sex or something? Like picking up a girl at the local river would work in anything but a Trojan condom commercial.”  

#magister-ludicro #magisterludicro

[kappapappapappa-blog]

"Huh. Those are some pretty interesting contraptions you have there. So I'm not the only one around here who knows how to build these kinds of things, good to know."

“Thanks very much, stranger. I only use the best materials I can get ahold of to make the best quality machines!” She says as a small tower of scrap metal comes plummeting down, smashing an ancient-looking microwave into tiny pieces. Definitely high quality stuff.  

#mechanicallyunrealistic