killmebutneverinsultme2

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

FYI I HAVE MOVED so Jack can have his own main blog

Find me over at @killmebutneverinsultme

#outofrum #pinned post

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

“I should absolutely have me own blog, and I’m going to pester Pirate until she makes me one. Sharing’s for dummies.”

#maybe very soon Jack #it's effort #but it will stop me fluffing up #with posting on the wrong blog #and confusing people with likes and replies from Loki all the time #outofrum #apologies in advance for any trackers and such this will upset when the time comes

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

streetwisetemptress​:

“How can I trust you?” Although it was a bit reassuring, the emerald eye beauty couldn’t trust him. No thanks to Frollo and his men, Esmeralda has had serious trust issues… especially with men. “No trespasser has ever left this place, alive.”

That was a mildly worrying notion, and a suspect one. Jack narrowed his eyes and edged a fraction away from the wall, giving her space but also attempting to gain some freedom of his own.

“What, never? Some poor lost orphan wanders down ‘ere and you just -?” He mimed slitting a throat and made a ‘ckkk’ sound between his teeth. “Some’ow you don’t strike me as the cold-blooded murderer type. Hot-blooded, aye, passionately heated, suits a woman of your.. merit.”

#smooth Jack real smooth #streetwisetemptress #t: the lost jack of notre dame

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

norringtxn​:

James followed the pirate close behind, though not without a quick glance to see if anyone saw where he was going and with who. Thankfully, the crew seemed preoccupied with their own business. Either that or they were a little too preoccupied. James would have cared, but the promise of another bottle shoved those thoughts away.

Once inside, Jack headed straight for his stash. The former commodore watched him as he sat on his desk, a fresh bottle of rum at his side awaiting him and the nearest available seat suspiciously invited.

By now, James was quite intrigued with his rival’s behaviour. Jack’s disposition towards him had been strangely amicable so far, with a few of his typical taunts here and there. Either the pirate wanted something from him, or he was more drunk than he let on, though what Jack could want from him aside from humiliate him, he had no clue.

He had said he would humour the man, and so he did, placing himself next to the pirate and taking the liberty of grabbing the bottle by it’s neck, popping off the cork and taking one long swig.

It tasted vile, deliciously vile.

Handing the bottle back to its owner, he looked at Jack with a defying look. “So, Captain, how’s your plan to get me hopelessly inebriated coming along?” He tested, the corner of his mouth rising into an upturned smirk.

Navigating tactful flirtation was a skill that had always been hit and miss with Jack. He was a cocktail of wit, charm, drunkenness and madness and slave to lusts so powerful his patience tended to fail him. Lewd and handsy as he was, though,  ‘take what you can’ certainly did not apply, or at least only worked where the subject of ‘can’ depended on someone else’s opinion. He was a pirate, not a monster.

In this instance, he felt like he was losing the battle in wanting simply to climb on James and see what happened. But this was a gentleman. He wouldn’t be impressed by slavering nonsense or impetuous groping. Though if he wants me, it’ll absolutely be on his mind.

Seeing as the chair he had presented had been cleverly avoided, Jack tugged it closer with his feet and used it as a footrest. He took a drink from the previous bottle as he was handed the fresh one.

“Why, Jim!” he replied in false horror. “Whatever’s in your head? This be a proper expression of confidences ‘tween two sailors. Besides, got to keep your spirits up, eh? These nights get terrible cold while the sun sleeps.” He nudged the bottle back toward Norrington, deliberately leaning just a fraction too close.

#*snicker* #I hope I'm right that he's sat on the desk next to Jack as that's how brain interpreted XD #norringtxn

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

Well, you were right. Getting a villain to kidnap Jack was an amazing idea. Bravo!

“-30 out of 10, do not recommend.”

// I very much enjoyed it lmao. Thanks to everyone involved XD 

#I'm sure at some point it can even be done in a serious non cracky way in threads #definitely open to it #especially when defeating villains completely alone isn't easy #and Jack's fun when he's in peril #Pirate answers anons #Jack answers anons #Anonymous

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

Leaves jack a very large rum and coke cake.

“I have no idea what the other ingredient is but someone really knows the way to a pirate’s heart.”

#byondtheveil

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

@anklesalltheway​

“Liz, please tell me that isn’t the sound of a ghostie pirate hunter pushing Jones in a bucket after us.”

#I'm just picturing Salazar and Jones tying goldfish bags sans fish around their feet and chasing #!crack #dash commentary

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

“Good god, they are all children.. “ 

#I'm wHeEzING #this is too much lol on a tuesday night #!crack #dash commentary #thepiratehunter #ashortdropandasuddenstop

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

anklesalltheway​:

scottishoctopus​:

“Why did yeh idiots bring me into this mess?!”

*sees Davy Jones – oh no him too??!*

*nonchalantly wheels over a moving hand trolley towards the box*

“Pardon me, Gentlemen, believe there’s a box here in need of rescue – I - I mean, transportation.”

@scottishoctopus​ @killmebutneverinsultme @thepiratehunter

“Nothing to see here! Cam’ on, Lizzie. Move-move-move!” Do not want a Jones/Salazar double-team-up. Runnnn.

#!crack #bless u Liz XD #dash commentary #what chaos have I wrought in the fandom tonight lmaoo

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

ashortdropandasuddenstop​:

cptsprrw​:

ashortdropandasuddenstop​:

@eerietriad​ @killmebutneverinsultme​

“ As for my wig.. need I remind you of the long luxurious locks under it?”

❝ i’d burn that wig just so ye stop hidin’ the said luxurious locks, luv. ❞

“ I’ll consider that a warning. Any thing else of mine you with to set on fire, Sparrow?” 

“Ain’t your loins enough?”

#I'm so sorry omg #Norry's getting piled on by Jacks #we can all share right? #!crack #dash commentary

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

“I mean it’s a wonder you kept your balance with this view.”

"You'd get involved if it was about best bum!" (killmebutneverinsultme) (Jack, shush)

“I would do nothing of the sort.”

“ But I’m sure we all know who takes that award. “ 

#!crack #Jack's not letting you have that one either James

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

thepiratehunter​:

w h e r e  d o  y o u  t h i n k  y o u ‘ r e  g o i n g ,  S P A R R O W ?

“Nowhere.” Not at a fast pace anyway. Bloody boxes don’t roll. 

H e l p.

#!crack #dash commentary #thepiratehunter

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

Quick, the villains are fighting over who has the best hair. Time to make a run for it.

#!crack #dash commentary

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

Never apologise for quality sh*tpostings. JACK IN A B O X AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

#ok but I do apologise to whoever created this gif that I nicked it for a reaction #but it had to be the one I used XD #Pirate answers anons #!crack #Anonymous

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

“Capitan Salazar! I’ve come to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Captain Jack Sparrow!” *spoken dramatically while mentally facepalming over Jack* // crack xD

“You have?”

*Looks around.*

“There are a few people missing then. Would you like to gather everyone who is hostile towards Jack Sparrow before we begin discussing a cessation? Don’t worry. I’ll wait, señora.”

*He won’t. He’s not even pretending he won’t. He’s already jabbing a cutlass into the box like some macabre magician’s act.*

(@killmebutneverinsultme)

#I apologise to my followers for the shitposting tonight #no maybe I don't #Lizzie save me #!crack #dash commentary

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

@scottishoctopus​

Someone heard you don’t like your name being misspelled

#101 ways to get yourself killed #a book by Captain Jack Sparrow #!crack #dash commentary #scottishoctopus #hope this cheers you up

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

“I see why you’re not the poster boy for their moisturiser.”

NAY, BELAY THAT! ...Who has the best hair on the Seven Seas?

“Also me!”

#*facepalms* #jack #no #this is how you get killed #also posting this on the right blog helps #thepiratehunter #!crack #dash commentary